Chapter 16: My ghost, where did you go with your body sitting next to me…
There are moments when you're locked in a dream and you feel yourself falling from the sky. Or when you dream that you're drowning, unable to fill your lungs with breath, watching the world out of water get darker around the corners until you're extinguished.
And then there are times when you're asleep but not really and you can hear the voices of the outside world coming from a distance as if you're stuck inside a glass box and the song's playing outside. You can hear the melody, but barely.
It is one of those times.
Damon's saying things, cruel, mean things but she's frozen, unable to understand anything, staring at Isobel like a deer caught in the headlights.
"Katarina?" Damon scoffs. "This woman is Elena Gilbert, and yet, Elijah right here keeps calling her Katarina."
"Stay away from Katarina, Salvatore," Elijah snarls, hands grabbing Damon's collar.
"You see, ladies and gentlemen, Elijah Mikaelson, the poster boy of delusion."
Isobel's mouth is twisted in a smirk and Elena can't seem to turn, can't do anything but stare at her.
Is there still a motherless child inside her, yearning for Isobel's approval?
Elijah let's go of Damon and grabs her shoulders to turn her physically to face him.
His eyes… there's madness in those eyes.
"Tell him about us, Katarina. Tell him you love me," He shakes her, voice breaking with desperation.
They're both a spectacle for these people; their pain, their helplessness the novelest of plays ever put.
"I am Elena," She replies brokenly even as his fingers dig into her flesh like pincers.
Damon laughs at her statement, a merry sound that's nothing less but humiliation and she turns her head to look at the woman who gave birth to her and sees Isobel whispering something to her new husband that turns his eyes into half moons of delight and he has to press his hand against his lips to not break out in laughter.
Does she think anyone's gonna come forward and hide her from these vultures who are feasting on her misery?
Stupid Elena who forgot that men like Damon Salvatore never fall for someone who isn't as cold and cruel as they are.
"Katarina?" She hears Damon hiss. "The love of your life you killed because you were high on cocaine?"
No. No.
"Stop lying," Elijah screams, holding his head.
"You left her to die when you totalled your car, Elijah," Damon says. "Don't you remember?"
Elena can't turn and look at them. At Damon and Elijah because she can't tear her eyes off her m… Isobel.
She knows her eyes are pleading. She knows how she looks, but she doesn't care. She would forgive Isobel for everything…if she just...
The champagne has climbed all the way up to her throat. She is a vile creature. She just wants to curl up and die.
Isobel is laughing now, her husband's laughing too. Softly, like rich people do. Condescending and full of smug superiority.
Her mother…. is laughing as she is being stripped of her dignity. Piece by piece.
No, Elena Gilbert! Something snaps inside her at the sight of that woman and her husband.
Does he know she used to have two kids living under her roof?
Something dies inside her truly in that moment, something she didn't even know she had been keeping alive.
The world… it just knows how to take from her.
Numbness starts spreading slowly and Elena knows, that by the time she walks out of here, she isn't gonna feel anything. She will lock everything inside a box in the deep recess of her mind to survive.
She will survive.
She is certain of that, but she doesn't know who she is gonna be after life is done with her this time around.
It ate Elena Petrova and spit out Elena, chewed Elena and left Elena Gilbert.
She starts backing away.
She needs to get out of here. But Elijah's arm snakes out and grabs her.
"Katarina!"
"I am Elena," She says, all her emotions dead and buried.
"Listen to the woman, Elijah!" Damn drawls. "Katarina is dead and buried with your kid."
The dead emotions are resurrected with a vengeance at once when the realization of those words dawn on her.
Heinrik.
She vomits.
People standing nearby step away hastily, careful lest they soil their fancy clothes.
"Remember the kid, Elijah?" Damon says softly even as Esther gives a cry of "No" and tries to claw at him.
"Heinrik?" Elijah says, blinking in Esther's direction. Elena is on her knees, heaving on the floor as people watch.
No one comes to help her, or even offers a tissue.
"And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the man Giuseppe was going to nominate as his successor. Someone who can't even keep his mistresses straight or interested."
Breaking her heart, trampling on her dignity wasn't enough, now he has labelled her as a mistress too. Well, it isn't too much of a stretch, is it? Exotic dancer, stripper, mistress-they are all the same for these folks.
The man she loves, she thinks, is a monster. And he isn't the kind who will change into a handsome prince when she kisses him. No, he will remain as he is.
He likes being who he is.
In a month's time, he won't even remember her, but she, she will probably go on loving him for her whole life. Because that's who foolish Elena Gilbert is. She is a dog. A loyal fucking animal who returns for scrapes of affection because she knows she doesn't deserve the kind of love other people take for granted.
Because there's something wrong with her. Why would anyone love her? How can anyone love her when her own mother couldn't? When her father didn't care enough to look at her, hold her?
There's something wrong with her. Always has been, she thinks.
"How does it feel to see your whole world crumbling, Esther?" Damon asks as Esther tries to calm an agitated Elijah.
"Everyone, did you know my mum committed suicide?"
Hurt people hurt people, Elena. She remembers a professor saying that.
"Giuseppe liked dipping his dick in her." Damon points at Esther. "And mum being a lovesick idiot wanted fidelity from a man who had only married her for the money she was worth. So, when she came to know about the affair, she went on her fucking knees before this woman." He takes a deep breath before continuing.
"Do you remember the phone call, Esther? When she called Giuseppe in the evening and you were the one to receive it?"
Every eye is on Esther Mikaelson and she is white as a sheet.
"She sliced her fucking wrists after you hung up. In front of her twelve year old son."
Hurt people hurt people, Elena, she thinks as she looks at the unnatural shine in his eyes.
"And you know what Giuseppe did? He covered it up because good Catholic women aren't supposed to take their lives… " He laughs bitterly.
He's making sure notoriety sticks to
Esther, Giuseppe and Elijah. She is just a casualty of his vengeance.
She is collateral. She doesn't count.
"So, executive board members, I would like you all to be at the headquarters within an hour." And then he's walking away. No glance spared in her direction, no word.
She sits in her vomit laced clothes and people gawk at her like she's some disfigured wonder that's horribly fascinating and watches as he walks away.
Before she can think of something someone's pulling her on her feet with force.
It's Elijah.
His eyes are wild and he's smiling.
"Let's go, Katarina…"
~UV~
I am out of words, I guess.