Hi. Ok, *sigh*, I don't even know when I last updated this. And sorry. I literally don't even have a good reason lol. Sooo, I moved some chapters around because there were a few contradictions and continuity errors. Like it didn't even cross my mind that Adrien's literal body is outside the house and people are just casually carrying on with life. So I fixed that. I think. Anyway, so chapter 13 is where it starts being different. But I know it's annoying to have to go back, so I think chapter 15 is the most necessary one to read, because it's completely new. Other than that it's just that the last few chapters are in different orders and there's a few extra lines added.

Sorryyyy again for not posting for so long! Also if something doesn't make sense please comment so I can fix it :)

Love is a nutrient. Essential. And I am deprived. But I also have too much to bear.

My heart aches for you, Adrien.

All the time, I can only feel inside me stabbing pain as if I am being hollowed out, leaving just an empty shell.

I am leaking from the inside, and nothing except you can fill that hole.

I'm stranded.

Nowhere to go.

Like a lump of lead slowly sinking to the bottom of the deepest trench in the ocean.

Useless.

It's like burning ice is slowly spreading out from my core, until I'm frozen.

At worst, it's when I remember you; I curl up as small as I can, in agony, all sound blocked against blood roaring in my ears, unaware except from my furtive rocking. At best, it's a dull, ever-present burning.

I cried, Adrien. More than I ever have. I cried salty streams, rivers. Until I felt shrivelled, and all I could do was stare into empty, space.

It hurts to blink; my eyes are that dry. Bloodshot, like every drop of water has been wrung out of me, tears collected in a bottomless jar, evaporating into nothing under the fierce glare of the sun.

Layers of me peeling away like shifting sand. When the wind blows, I break.

If I fall prey to the air, what do you think happened to me when you left?

My room seems to get gradually smaller, enclosing me, trapping me. What was previously my sanctuary no longer feels familiar, without the pictures of you. But this unfamiliarity is better than the agony I feel every time I see your face. I see the blank billboards on the streets where they have taken down the posters of you. But when they were still there I couldn't even walk past without collapsing onto a bench.

I can still hear your delighted laugh, envision your warm smile.

I want you, Adrien. I crave you.

My blankets, previously softer than feathers, are now rough boards that dig into me like sandpaper. I feel every grain, every imperfection, pressing into my bare skin.

The walls seem to get even closer, my throat mirrors the action, constricting until I have to gulp and gasp for breath. I am being suffocated by a giant hand, a mere puppet. A plaything for a cruel master, yanking on my heartstrings. Snipping one by one my ties to reality, so I slump like a ragdoll.

I yell, voice muffled by the brick that is my pillow, to a God I didn't believe in for 14 years of my life.

Why did you take him?

I thought that fate brought us together.

I thought that is was destiny when you first gave me that umbrella.

The umbrella.

I choke down a sob when I unwillingly turn my head to see it, the unassuming bundle of black fabric in the corner. Of course I kept it. Not that I need it to remember you.

There are times when I look at your empty seat in class.

I think I can feel your hand in mine, your lips brushing against my forehead.

But it's all a cruel joke played by what I thought could never betray me.

My own mind.

It's a war inside. Myself vs myself. Who will win? Or will the battle keep on raging until I wither up, exhausted, and die?

My eyes, once bright, are now dull and empty. They will never light up again because you will never light up again.

And I will have to deal with that.

Second by second.

Minute by minute.

Hour by hour.

Day by day.

But I feel I will never heal.

Why did you fricking leave me Adrien?

Part of me wishes I could curl up and slip into an endless sleep.

But sleep brings dreams.

And the hardest part of dreaming is knowing that waking up is inevitable.

My skin was snow; I melted beneath your warm touch.

Your brilliant laugh resonated with my heartstrings, which twanged along in symphony, hoping to be loud enough so that you would hear my joyful song. Conveying my feelings without words.

Your warm, genuine smile, not the fake one you put on for the crowd, your true feelings betrayed by the wistful look in your deep green eyes. It brought light to my cloudy day to see that your friends could draw that out of you. A temporary release. But when you thought no one was looking I alone saw the melancholy in your eyes. I could have helped you. But I was too late. Your pretence was so good, your walls too strong, no one noticed how bad it was until it was too late.

My subconscious mind conjures images of you.

Laughing in the park with our friends. Escaping to the cinema to watch your mother's movie. Sitting in front of me in our class.

But then I wake up and you're not there.

Marinette shut her diary, slumped onto her bed face down, and did not move. Tikki gently covered her with a blanket, but it did nothing to ease her shivering.

The kind that sets in when you lose someone who was more than just a friend and you feel there is nothing left in the world for you.

"Tikki?"

"Yes Plagg."

"What are you doing here?" Asked Master Fu.

"It's because of Marinette, right? She must be feeling really… sad," said Plagg, his eyes devoid of their usual playfulness.

"Sad?" Tikki looked enraged. "You have no idea! She's falling further and further down into this dark hole and I can't save her, Master!"

"Tikki, I really do." Plagg sighed wearily, and her eyes flickered away from Master Fu to him. She said nothing, but compassion blossomed in her eyes as she realised that Adrien's death had caused a change in him that she had never seen before.

"Marinette's sleeping at the moment, but I don't have much time." Tikki shuddered as she imagined Marinette waking up without her kwami, especially in her current state.

After a second, Plagg spoke, turning to Master Fu.

"Should we tell Ladybug about… you know."

"Adrien and Chat Noir? Hmm."

"Master," put in Wayzz, "I can sense that it's time."

"Yes. She will have to come to me soon. I will explain everything to her; she needs to know."

"But won't that make her feel worse?" asked Tikki.

"The truth hurts. But it is always better than the alternative."

"Marinette must be really stressed," added Plagg. "This revelation will shock her, but it would be better for her to know now, so she could deal with it at the same time as dealing with his death. If she found out later, then it would be even worse; her recovery would be even more prolonged if another bombshell was dropped right after she had just about got over what has happened. We would lose Ladybug, as well as… Chat Noir."

"Plagg," said Tikki, "that is one of the most perceptive things I have ever heard come out from your mouth."

Master Fu clasped his hands together. "Ok Tikki, I will send Wayzz to call you and Marinette, in a few days at most. I need to think things over- how to tell her, what we will do about Hawkmoth."

"Yes Guardian," replied the voices of 3 kwamis, one of them getting fainter and fainter as the red and black blur zipped out into the night.