Love of Fire and Water

by Yemoya

Book Two. Stealing to get by becomes necessary to Zuko. Never did he think he could make a friend like that. The waterbender Kilara seems to accept him like he is. But will Kilara stay on Zuko's side, after Ba Sing Se gets conquered? While standing on two sides of a war can their friendship survive? Or will Kilara fight for her nation's freedom? Izumi's mother fic, canon compliant

21. Chapter 21

Hi everyone! I'm finally updating! I started writing this chapter rather late, since I first wrote other chapters for other stories, so that's why this took so long. But I think I'm getting better. There was certainly a time, in which I didn't update for longer.

Here's the next chapter! I guess you're all anxious to find out what happened to Kilara. This chapter starts directly after the wrecking of Chan's party. The episode The Beach ends with a picture of Ty Lee grinning wildly and hugging Mai and Azula, while Zuko stands next to Mai, his arm around her waist, while there's a big fire behind them. This picture looks like a painting, and since it is not normal for Avatar episodes to end in a painting, I decided the episode simply showed us a painting. So, in this chapter, there's a painter painting Azula, Ty Lee, Mai, and Zuko in front of Chan's house, which Azula decided to burn down, after all the party guests had fled. I mean, what else could be burning behind them? In my opinion, the idea of the painting is pretty macabre, but... I don't know, I just thought about the end of the episode, and then I wrote about what could happen afterwards.

It didn't escape my notice that this is the second chapter in a row with a burning house. Houses seem to have quite a strong meaning in these chapters. First, Kilara's house burns down, then Zuko breaks into his own old house, and then helps burning down Chan's house. I didn't mean this to mean anything, I just noticed since I am so drilled from school and university to notice symbols in literature. And now I do, even in my own... I wish I wouldn't. Since most symbols aren't there to really mean anything. Mostly it is just coincidence, and the author didn't think about what something they wrote could mean.

Anyway... hopefully, you'll enjoy this chapter, and please let me know what you think! Reviews mean the world to me:)

I hope you're all staying safe and healthy!

I do not own Avatar The Last Airbender, nor its characters. The only characters I own are my OCs.

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Chapter Twenty-One

Burns, Bruises, and Cuts

Zuko

The painter handed Azula the painting, for which she paid.

I rolled my eyes. Scaring the poor man into painting us in front of a burning house wasn't like I had imagined my evening. To destroy that party had been… okay. At least, I was able to see the grin on Chan's face disappearing and reducing him to a crying, whimpering baby. If he had any strength or power, he could have stopped us. Well, no, he could have tried to stop us. But he didn't. He was no fighter, he was only muscular to attract girls on the beach. It didn't have anything to do with a purposeful workout.

It was disgusting.

"Ooooo, that's a lovely painting," Ty Lee gushed, leaning over Azula's shoulder to look at it.

Mai smiled slightly, as she approached them.

"Father is going to kill me!" Chan wailed from the entrance door, his hands in his hair as he stared at the burning house.

I frowned. He wasn't doing anything, aside from kneeling and crying. Wasn't he going to try to put the fire out? If he wasn't a firebender, then maybe get a bucket and fill it with water? Gosh, this guy annoyed me even more now that I knew all his confident appearance was just an act.

I rolled my eyes and looked over to the girls. "Can we go now?"

Clearly I was anxious to leave, because if we wouldn't, I would grab Chan, yell at him and probably help him to put the fire out. But I also really much wanted to spend some alone time with Mai.

We had finally worked through our differences, and it felt like nothing was going to get between us again. When Mai had shouted at Azula, I swear, my heart had made a leap. I wanted to make Mai smile again, blush, and act more playful, like she had been in Ba Sing Se and on the ship.

"Wait a moment, Zuko, look at the painting. Is it satisfying?" Azula waved me over.

Blowing my fringe out of my eyes, I walked over to them, and studied the painting. Frowning, I looked down on myself to check what I was wearing. The girls were wearing the same things on the painting they really wore, but my shirt was different. It actually looked better, but it didn't make any sense at all. We were at Ember Island, in summer, so why the hell should I wear something with long sleeves? The people of the majority of the Fire Nation didn't even wear long sleeves in winter, as it rarely got colder than eighteen degrees (Celsius).

I looked over to Azula, who regarded me with sparkling eyes, her lips curved into a slight smirk. I took a deep breath. Great. She expected me to flip out over the mistake of my painted clothes. She wanted me to act like the prince I was and punish the painter.

"Are we still pretending not to be who we are?" I whispered to her.

Azula smirked wider. "Do whatever you like, Zuzu." With that, she turned around, waving Mai and Ty Lee to follow her.

Mai gave me a sympathetic look, as she turned around to follow them down to the beach.

I took a deep breath. I should shout at the shaking painter to satisfy Azula.

I held his painting into his face. "Do I look like I'm wearing a long sleeved shirt?"

The painter stretched out his shaky hands to take the painting from me, then lowered it to look at me. His eyes widened in fear, as he fell to his knew to beg forgiveness. "Please sir, I am sorry. I meant no disrespect."

I meant no disrespect. It was a common phrase in the Fire Nation. A nation where respect and honour were more valued than kindness and friendship.

I wished I could just go and leave him, not thinking about this. I wished Azula hadn't noticed his mistake, but of course she did. Azula spotted weakness like millipede mosquitoes the light.

I closed my eyes. Dragons, how much I hated this! People begging for forgiveness in front of me… It always reminded me of the day I was burnt, the day I was weak, and therefore banished.

My hands formed fists, as I tried to shove the sickening feelings down. I would not be weak again. I took a step forward and grabbed the man by his shirt, making him look up at me. His eyes were even wider now, the white clearly surrounding his iris, the red lines visible. He was maybe Uncle's age, or a bit younger, his hair receding, the lines in his face told me of a difficult life, his brown skin that he spent every day outside, probably at the market, proposing to tourists to paint them.

"Are you a firebender?" I asked growling.

The man's eyes widened even more, his brows contorting, as he quickly nodded. "Yes, sir."

Oh, shoot. I had really hoped he would say no.

"Defend your honour," I hissed.

I didn't want to say the words Agni Kai out loud, but I expected the man to understand what I meant.

He did.

I pulled him up on his shirt and let him go.

He stumbled a bit, still shaking, swallowing again and again.

"Hey!" Chan shouted, as he walked closer to us. "G-go fight on the beach, not on my stairs!"

I rounded on him. "You want to be next?"

Chan stopped mid step, his hands turned up and outward, as he quickly shook his head. "No, er, I just… You already destroyed my house, so… Would you please not set all the bushes aflame?" He pointed at the azaleas next to the front door.

My fire wasn't that wild. If I would fight against someone here, my fire wouldn't even come close to the flowers, but maybe the painter's would. I had to think about how Azula used to set the flowers in our garden on fire, when she thought they weren't pretty enough. Mother had always scolded her and told us it was important that we respected nature and its beauty, even if it didn't mean anything to us, but to other people.

I cringed at the thought at how much I had respected things important to other people tonight.

Sighing, I looked back at the house. I bit on my lower lip as I was thinking things over.

Then, I turned around and shot a fireball down over the beach in the direction of Lo's and Li's house. I wanted to see whether Azula and the others had got far enough.

I couldn't see them anymore, so I knew what to do.

"You!" I shouted and pointed at Chan.

He flinched and screeched quietly.

I frowned, wishing he would stop acting like a coward. It was unnerving.

"Grab the painter and hold him here," I bellowed.

Chan looked a little unsure, as he gazed over at the old man. "I, uh…"

Taking a step forward, I extinguished the flames on the doorframe. "Do so and I'll extinguish the fire. If I'll be back, and the painter is gone, you're gonna pay. If I'll be back, and both of you will be gone, I'm going to track you down and make you pay," I growled, stepping closer to stare Chan in the eye.

He swallowed and nodded, as he stepped around me and grabbed the painter's arms, bringing them on his back.

I glared at them for a few seconds, before I walked into the house.

The process of extinguishing the fire was tiring. I had to fall into a deep sidestep, turn my upper body and move my arms to extinguish the fire. Uncle had showed me how to use that trick. He'd said the movements were different from firebending, because it was about putting fire out and not producing it. As it was its opposite, Uncle had developed this technique by studying waterbending, too.

I wasn't used to such movements, but I didn't need to use any muscles that I normally didn't use, so at least my thighs didn't start burning. The constant heat and smoke was a bigger problem, however.

For a very short moment, I found myself wishing to be a waterbender.

After having freed the ground storey of fire, I walked up the steps to the first floor, where the fire hadn't had enough time to spread widely yet.

I breathed twice to calm myself, lowered myself into the stance, as I drew every fire in the storey towards myself, forming a giant fireball in front of me. My moves were again different from the firebending I learned. I used what Uncle taught me, and what I had seen Kilara practise in her garden.

I tried not to think about what Father would think of me, using waterbending techniques to extinguish fire.

My arms moved more fluently as they ever had, and the fireball in front of me grew until it looked like a sun.

When all the fire of the storey was part of the fireball, I made a sweeping motion with my arms and the ball dissipated into tiny flames which disappeared in thin air.

I took a deep breath and sat on the floor to cool myself down.

So I had helped Chan. I had put a fire out that Azula and I had started. I had acted against my sister's will, but…

Groaning I let my head fall forward. I was the oldest! I should be more powerful than Azula, dammit! And while I was acting like some soft weakling, Father would never make me Crown Prince again.

But I couldn't set this place on fire again. I just couldn't. And I also couldn't punish Chan for being an arrogant asshole. He hadn't known who we are, so it wasn't his fault. Normal teenagers wouldn't burn a house down, because one of them had been thrown out of a party. Wait. Did that mean Azula had done this for me?

I frowned.

I was pretty sure she hadn't. Then what had happened so that she wanted to punish Chan? What had happened between them?

Widening my eyes, I quickly stood up, darted down the stairs, through the living room and out of the house.

Chan was struggling with the old man, who was trying to set Chan's vest on fire.

When they saw me, they both stilled in their struggling.

I walked up straight to Chan. "What did you do to my sister?" I snarled.

His face paled, and I knew something had happened.

I shoved the old man out of my way and went up in Chan's space. It annoyed me that he was taller than me. However, he still seemed frightened.

"Don't make me regret putting that fire out. I can just ignite it again," I threatened and conjured a flame in my hand.

"We kissed!" Chan cried out, an octave higher than his usual voice. He straightened himself again and cleared his throat. "Well, and I thought she was nice, but then she was talking about ruling the Earth with her, and she had this blue fire, and… That was kind of a turn off?" His explanation sounded like questions.

Frowning, I took a step back from him and pinched the bridge of my nose.

Oh, Azula…

"So you turned her down?"

Chan nodded slowly. "Yeah, er… She seemed a little crazy…"

My sigh was so loud it was almost a groan. "Okay," I answered. "Sorry for the fire. My sister is… complicated. Just tell your father thieves broke in."

He nodded again, pressing his lips together.

I looked back at the painter, who was still clutching the painting he had made of us in his hands. "It's dark," I said. "It's difficult to see in the darkness, and things get mixed up." I tried to gently take the painting away from him, and then helped him up to stand. "I'm sorry for shoving and scaring you," I said.

The man didn't seem to know what to say as he stammered a little.

I tried to appease him a bit more and pointed at myself on the painting. "I would have actually preferred wearing something like this instead of this," I pointed at the shirt I was actually wearing and made my voice sound nicer. I thought that smiling was too much, and maybe then the man would be even more afraid of me.

"I should go now," I said and pointed over my shoulder down to the beach.

Chan and the painter looked both slightly confused, but I decided to let it be here. I didn't need to explain my actions to them.

So I turned around and left.

Down on the beach I suddenly felt calm. I hadn't felt so calm in a long time. The feeling was more than welcome, although I didn't understand why it was there. I hadn't acted like Azula had wanted me to. I had used Uncle's teachings. These were reasons for me to be angry at myself. This was why I was angry.

But knowing where my anger came from and who it was directed at had a baffling effect. It already helped. It felt like I was less angry. I still was, of course, but knowing why felt like a burden had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt lighter, freer.

Before I arrived at Li's and Lo's house, I turned toward the ocean and stared up at the starry night sky. I remembered how I had feared on the ship heading towards the capital not seeing the ocean soon again, yet here I was. And the ocean was beautiful, as it had always been. It was raw and untamed and wide, as it had always been.

I took a few steps towards the shore and sat down on the sand, which had cooled down and wasn't as hot as it had been during the day.

For a long time, I just sat there, listening to the waves, feeling the wind and finding constellations in the stars I had learned while at sea. The moon was full and illuminated the night, standing right above me at its zenith.

Tonight had been… eventful. My mind wandered back to our old beach house, the picture I had burnt… Maybe it was alright. We were never going to be that family again. By keeping the picture I would have been reminded of that over and over again. But Mother was gone, Father was different, and Azula and I had grown up. Azula would never be the little sister from back then, and Father would never be encouraging again, would never make an effort again.

I rubbed my hands over my face, as I recognised the dryness in my throat and the prickle behind my eyes. Sighing, I let myself fall back on the sand, staring up at the moon.

This was the princess of the Northern Water Tribe.

Could she see me? Did she even see what was going on down here? Or maybe she didn't care at all? Like all the spirits never had seemed to care about what happened.

The screech of a raptor got me out of my musing, and I quickly stood up. The sound was a lower pitched screech, something I only knew from raven eagles.

I put my head back and searched he sky. Maybe I could see the bird, before it flew away.

It came from the east, and I recognised it immediately. My eyes widening, I quickly stood up and looked around the beach. If anyone else knew the bird, and would see it with me, and recognise me, my secret would be no secret anymore.

The raven eagle landed on my outstretched arm, and I quickly took the letter from its box on his back. As soon as I had it, the black and white bird took off again.

Taking a deep breath, I unrolled the message and read only three sentences:

The Avatar is still alive.

No one knows of it.

I will kill him.

I cringed a little. I really had hoped I was wrong. But of course, whenever it would worsen my life, I was right. I could never be right about something good.

Trying not to think about the fact that it would be like me killing the Avatar was hard. I wouldn't strike personally, but the kid would still die because of me. I had never killed anyone! And killing the boy had never been my goal, but… I didn't have a choice now. It would all have been better if Azula had just really killed him in Ba Sing Se.

"Zuko!"

Jerking, I quickly tried to hide the message, as I turned around to see Ty Lee walking towards me. She was wearing a light pink nightgown with frills on the edges, and her hair was down.

Turning completely around to stand in front of her, I raised my eyebrows. "What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't sleep. I didn't know you were here," she explained. "What are you doing here?"

I turned back towards the ocean. "I don't know. I'm exhausted, but there's still so much going on in my head. Today was… quite intense."

"Yes, you're right." She stepped next to me, and I gazed at her out of the corner of my eye. Had I ever seen her with her hair down? I couldn't remember. It was wavy and long, shining bluish in the moonlight.

"I'm sorry," I quickly said.

Ty Lee looked at me, her eyes wide and her face confused. She cocked her head to the side. "What are you sorry about?"

"About what I said. That was shitty, and…" I sighed. "Maybe I was also a little envious."

Her reaction surprised and also hurt me a little. She laughed. She just laughed, holding her stomach and bending over.

Frowning, I crossed my arms in front of my chest. "What's so funny?" I growled.

Still giggling, she looked up again. "Oh, it's just that… Azula earlier told me she was jealous of me, and now you…!" She chuckled again a bit, putting her hair behind her ear. "You two are the most perfect people I know! And you're jealous of me!"

I blinked, feeling completely confused. "What?"

She pressed her hand against her mouth, stifling her laughter. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have laughed. You just completely caught me off guard!"

I took a step away from her and looked at her from the side. I didn't get it. Did she just say she considered me to be on the same level as Azula?

"No, er… Sorry, I'm confused."

Ty Lee then smiled widely, as she put her hands into the pockets of her gown. "You don't have to apologise, Zuko. But thanks anyway."

"NO!" I flinched at the volume of my voice and cleared my throat. "I mean, no, I have to apologise. I was being mean, and… I lashed out at you, because…" Sighing, I let my head fall forward. "You were right earlier. The painting meant something to me, but I didn't want it to. I wanted… to burn those feelings away."

When I felt her hand on my back, I quickly looked up again.

Ty Lee's eyes were void of their usual happiness, and she looked compassionate, as her brows furrowed slightly, and her eyes seemed serious. "It must have been hard. Being reminded of these days back then with your mother."

I smiled. "No, that wasn't the bad part. My mother was a good mother, I know that. It's just… Father and Azula who were different back then. I felt more like being part of a family. And now… I don't know what to feel anymore."

"Azula cares, too. She might not be good at showing it, but she does," Ty Lee said, squeezing my shoulder.

"How do you do that? Keep focusing on the good things and finding fun and something to be happy about everywhere?" I suddenly asked, looking at her.

She twisted her mouth and tapped her chin. "Well, I'm not trying to. It just happens. That doesn't mean I'm not aware of the bad things, I just don't let them drag me down."
"But how?" I asked again, almost desperately wanting to have an answer now.

She shrugged. "I don't know. It simply happens. Don't be sad. Everyone is different. It's not bad that you're not able to do it. Some people just can't. It doesn't make you weak, Zuko."

I took a deep breath, as she hit a nerve. "You really do know me," I said.

That got her to smile widely. "I'm very glad you admit it. I know, after Mai became friends with Azula, we didn't hang out much, but I always liked you."

"I always liked you, too." Then I frowned. "Wait, yes. We hung out, before Mai and Azula became friends, but why? I mean, what changed? Why didn't we hang out later, too?"
Ty Lee grinned then, wiggling her eyebrows. "Well, Mai saw you once and completely fell for you. It was uncomfortable for her to be in the same room as you, because she couldn't articulate even one sentence. Azula found it annoying, and so we dissociated ourselves from you…"

Raising my eyebrows, I took a deep breath. I would not go to shout at my sister. Not now, not ever. This was in the past, and I didn't need to let my mood get dropped by this.

So I pressed my lips together, nodded at Ty Lee and stared at the ocean.

"Are you okay?" she asked, sounding cautious.

"Yep, sure. Just trying not to strangle my younger sister. So, you know, the usual."

I could see her smile out of the corner of my eye. "I wish I could be as happy as you always feel. I wish I could just accept everything how it is," I admitted after a while.

Ty Lee twisted her mouth. "I don't think that is possible for you. Your aura is one to change things, not to adapt."

I gave her a flat stare.

"What? I thought you believed in auras?" she said a bit indignantly, her hands on her hips.

I grimaced, as I remembered how I had yelled at Mai that she didn't believe in anything. Maybe Ty Lee had misunderstood my intention. "Well, not really. I was just angry at Mai, and, er…"

Ty Lee sighed. "Well, okay. Do you believe in something?"

I opened my mouth, two answers directly on my tongue. Destiny. Honour. But I found myself unable to say these. If betraying Uncle and defeating the Avatar was my destiny, why did I struggle with the decision so much? Why did it turn everything upside down? Why didn't the Fire Nation palace feel like home at all? Why was home only like a memory to me?

"I don't know," I answered truthfully, my voice sounding desperate. I gave a small, hard laugh off me. "I used to be convinced that I had a destiny. That my honour was everything I needed to make Father proud… But it just doesn't feel like it yet. Maybe it never will…"

She furrowed her brows. "Azula told me the Fire Lord is quite pleased with you."

I took a deep breath. Quite pleased? Yeah, sure. But nothing more. "I meant that my father is proud, but not because I have any honour. He thinks I have it, but I don't feel worthy of it."

"Then what is honour for you?"

I blinked, feeling surprised. No one had actually ever asked me that. "Well… Being truthful, keeping promises, doing the right thing are all part of having honour."

Ty Lee cocked her head to her side. "Then you lied?"

"No."

"Did you break a promise?"

"No. But maybe a dream. Of someone I…" I wanted to use the past tense, I really wanted to. But how could I if it wasn't the truth? "…care for." Uncle had suffered a lot in his life. Living in peace, as normal people had been the only thing he had wished for. One would think it wasn't much, but I had been unable to give it to him.

"And did you do the wrong thing?" Ty Lee pressed on.

"I don't know!" I shouted in a frustrated way, running a hand through my hair. It was getting too long. "That's what I said earlier. I don't know what's right or wrong, and I can't talk to anyone…"
"You're talking to me," she said quietly.

"But I can't tell you everything. It's…" traitorous, treasonous, "… dangerous."

"Okay." She laid her hand on my shoulder again, but turned me a little to face her. "It's fine if you don't know the answer yet. But you are not one to adapt, Zuko. If you're not okay with your situation, you have to change it. Change your life, until you're completely happy and satisfied. That's the only way for you if you want to feel that happiness."
I frowned at her words.

"Pooh, that was deep, wasn't it?" Ty Lee laughed. "And I didn't even have anything to drink. No, wait, I had some punch at the party. But that's hours ago, so I must be sober, mustn't I?"
I blinked at her giddy expression. She was really great at confusing me.

"I guess?"

"Okay, wow, I need some sleep, my talks are getting too deep. I'm gonna head back and cut you some clack. Oh dragons, I just rhymed twice! Wait, er, for breakfast I'll have rice!" Ty Lee whooped once, and then managed to make herself bend over from laughter again.

Girls were crazy. But I had to admit that I might have misjudged Ty Lee. She wasn't only annoying, and I also finally understood why her happiness had been off putting to me. I envied her. I wanted to feel so happy, too. But I didn't even know how and where to start. Ty Lee had smiled and laughed every day, while I had felt like shit in a deep, dark hole every day. I couldn't stand happy people, while I wasn't happy.

This realisation made me cringe a little. Was I an asshole?

Shouldn't I try to feel happy for people who felt happy?

I had to think about the years on my ship, about Uncle. Well, everyone actually. Every bit of good mood had certainly been crushed under my snarls and growls.

Shit, I was an asshole. I had treated Uncle like…

No, Uncle was a traitor. He deserved it. Maybe deep down I had always known he would betray the Fire Nation. He had never been set on my task, but… I couldn't believe all of it.

Maybe if I repeated it enough in my head, I was going to believe it. Although, that also hadn't worked yet with the thought that joining Azula and abandoning Uncle had been the right choice. Maybe I'll never find out what was right. Maybe it was just a choice, and I had to live with it now.

Or I could change my destiny, like Ty Lee had said. But how could destiny be destined, if one could change it?

I was still pondering on my talk with Ty Lee, when I left the ocean and moon to follow the acrobat to Li's and Lo's house. When I opened the door to my room, I was pretty surprised to already find someone lying in my bed.

Frowning, I glanced over to the other bed, in which Azula slept with a little smile on her face.

Ty Lee lay in my bed. Did she mix up our rooms?

She seemed asleep, so I wasn't going to wake her. A grin spread on my face, as I noticed what that meant. I got to spend a night with Mai. Well, in separate beds, but still… It seemed very exciting. After the first night we had spent together in Ba Sing Se, right before we had left, we hadn't had the opportunity again.

So I sneaked over the hallway to slowly and quietly open the door to Mai's and Ty Lee's room. I wished Mai and I were already more progressed in our relationship, so that I could simply slip under the covers with her, but as things were, I didn't dare to. We just had had a huge fight, broke up, and got together again, and that had left me more cautious. Maybe I should still have a long talk with her. I wanted to feel comfortable around her again, and not like I was walking on a mine field, where she would break up with me after me being moody.

But when I opened the door, I was met with the shine of light from an oil lamp. Mai sat upright in her bed, reading a book. She was wearing a deep purple nightgown with a black edge, her hair up in only one knot. Some strands fell down and around her face. I loved it. Her neck was exposed, showing its length and smooth, white skin.

She looked up, when I entered. "What are you doing here?"

"Er…" I quickly stepped in and closed the door to quiet our voices. "Ty Lee somehow landed in my bed, so I thought…"

Mai raised one eyebrow. "Ty Lee is sleeping in your bed? How did this happen?"

My eyes widened. "I have no idea. I was out until now, and she just lay there, when I came back. She's asleep."

"Where were you if you were out?" she asked, slowly letting her book sink onto her lap.

"Well, you know, settling the thing with the painter and… enjoying nature."

"So you…"

"I was sitting on the beach, staring at the ocean, yes." I answered, feeling a little irritated now.

She looked appeased and fine, and I wondered how I had known she had been bothered before. Her expression hadn't changed in the slightest.

"So can I sleep here?" I asked.

She nodded. "Sure."

I was taking a step towards Ty Lee's bed, as Mai scurried off to the side. It looked like she was making room…

I stopped. She stopped.

"Er…" I said.

"You can sleep wherever you want," Mai said, her voice a little higher than usual, before she raised her book so that I couldn't see her face anymore.

I took a deep breath, as my heart started beating faster. "Mai…" I walked over to her and sat down on her bed's edge.

She peaked over her book at me.

"I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. So if you're not ready, or if you don't want to, I'll sleep in Ty Lee's bed, there's absolutely no…"

I didn't get to finish my sentence, as Mai slammed her book shut, scurried away from me and laid the book on her nightstand. Then she grabbed me by my shirt. "Enough, already! We're not thirteen, and we're only talking about sleeping, so will you lie down?!" She almost hissed the words.

My lips spread in a smile, and I felt a huge wave of affection and also some arousal wash over me. Dragons, how much I liked it when her expression changed.

I let myself be pushed onto the mattress and lay still, as Mai put the blanket over me.

"Good night," she said, before turning off her night lamp.

"Good night," I answered, turning towards her body warmth. I would really like to make out right now. My tiredness was completely gone. Licking my lips, I slowly reached out for her hip.

Mai seemed to take in a sharp breath. "We can cuddle, Zuko, but I'm really beaten. I want to sleep."

Heat crept up my cheeks, as I understood the deeper meaning of her words and tried to act as if I hadn't hoped for making out. "Y-yeah, sure. I'm tired, too." I still moved closer, until we touched almost everywhere. Then I wound an arm around her to pull her closer and hold her close.

She closed more distance between us, and it very much felt like she was snuggling her head into the crook of my arm.

I bent down to kiss her forehead, smiling.

Kilara

It wasn't a long time, after my sobs had stopped that someone came into the room.

During that time I had tried to figure out how injured I really way, but with bandages all around me, and me not being able to sit up this was close to impossible.

I had kept myself occupied with trying to move parts of my body. Fortunately, apart from the strong binding and the pain I was feeling, there was nothing limiting my movements.

A small man with a grey beard and bushy eyebrows, but a young face came into my room and smiled, when he saw that I was awake.

"Ah, finally you came to." He then turned his head back to the entrance door and shouted "Yan Sun!"

The man walked out of my view for a few seconds, before he came back with a cup of water. "Would you like some water?"

I nodded slowly. He helped me to support my head, as I leaned forward to drink from the cup he was holding to my mouth. Holy moon, the water felt so good in my mouth. My mouth had felt so dry, but now it felt good again. Only when I swallowed, did my throat still hurt. I grimaced and had to swallow again to keep the water down.

A young woman, probably in her twenties, with incredibly high cheekbones and dark hair that fell almost to her knees walked quickly into the room. Her hair was pulled back into a long plait that swished at her side. She wore the same simple, pale green clothes that the man wore, too.

"Our patient finally woke up. We'll run a few tests, and then you can go and tell her brother that she's awake," the old man told her.

I assumed the woman was Yan Sun, as the man had called that name earlier.

Yan Sun nodded sternly, as she came closer to lean over me. I immediately jerked back, and groaned throatily, as my chest hurt at the sudden move.

Yan Sun glanced up into my eyes and frowned. "Doctor Wenjin said we will run a few tests. Don't jerk away."

The doctor stepped closer and laid a hand on Yan Sun's arm. "What was I telling you earlier?"

The woman glanced at him, then looked back at me and smiled. It was definitely not a real smile, and it looked completely weird and creepy.

I grimaced at the woman. What tests were they talking about?

Yan Sun grabbed my right arm and checked my pulse. "Steady, a little too fast, though."
The doctor nodded, as if he had anticipated this. "Yes, that is to be expected. You're a bit scared, aren't you?"

I nodded, not daring trying to use my voice.

Doctor Wenjin moved around the hospital bed onto my other side. "Miss Huang, do you know why you're here? Do you know what happened to you?"

I nodded. Yeah, I hadn't forgotten. I had been in the house, which had been on fire. And then… There was the explosive coming towards Dad and me. I had raised an ice wall, but it had been too thin, not strong enough.

The doctor sighed. "Alright. You are lucky, for you don't seem to be in shock. Well, it is very important that you listen carefully now. Do not get worked up."

I hated it when people told me not to get worked up, but I nodded. I would remain calm, I was sure of it.

"You were really badly injured, when you arrived here two days ago. You were found in your burning house under a pile of wood, rock, and glass. You have bruises, burns and little cuts almost everywhere on your body." His hands were hidden in his sleeves, as he shortly glanced over to Yan Sun, who had turned away from me, and now seemed to prepare some sort of medicine. She stood in front of a table, working with little tins and several herbs.

"However, you have several larger injuries. The worst one is to your legs."
I looked down at them, but couldn't make out what was wrong with them. I was pretty sure they weren't broken, but they still hurt a lot, in a different way.

The doctor took a deep breath. "Large parts of your lower thighs were squished, some of your flesh is completely missing to the bone."

My eyes widened in horror. What the tsunami? Did I hear right? Oh moon, please tell me I didn't hear right!

"Your right leg is the worst. You won't be able to walk for some time, but with enough treatment, patience, and physical therapy I'm very sure that you will be able to walk again. However, you probably won't be able to ever move exactly the way you did before." He cleared his throat. "I know this sounds cruel, but I do not want to give you any false hope. At least, we didn't have to amputate your leg."

I nodded. I understood. Still. I couldn't stop the tears welling up in my eyes, again.

"The good news is that all your other injuries aren't as bad. The burns will hurt a lot, but they won't be much of a problem. They will probably scar, but they will heal. The burns to your face were the less severe ones, and we didn't bandage them, so that you are still able to see and talk. They will probably start itching, and I advise you not to give into this. Until now, your skin is still missing in these spots, so you have to be careful," the doctor said with a frown of worry, but smiling reassuringly in a way that turned his eyes into narrow slits.

Almost immediately, did my face start itching.

Yan Sun turned back to me. I looked up at her. "This is against the pain." She held up a little cup. "Then this is for revitalisation. And a cleansing draught to get the toxin out of your system."
I blinked and raised an eyebrow. Toxin?

"You inhaled a lot of smoke," Yan Sun explained, her voice somehow void of any emotion, and very monotone. The rhythm of her words was all wrong. "You had a smoke intoxication."

I wanted to swallow again out of instinct, but was almost too afraid of the pain.

Doctor Wenjin helped me to sit up again, putting large pillows behind my back so that I could drink the medicine. The skin on my chin pulled uncomfortably, as I pursed my lips to drink. I probably had a burn there. The medicine tasted very earthly, as if they had just put earth and leaves into some water. It also looked that way.

Maybe I pulled a grimace, since Doctor Wenjin chuckled a bit. "I better do not tell you what is in there."

I made a shocked and thankful face at him.

"Now, would you like to see your brother, Miss Huang?" the doctor asked pleasantly, as Yan Sun cleared the table of all sorts of tins and cups and loaded them onto a tray.

I wondered why he hadn't mentioned Dad yet. I tried not to think about it, so I nodded.

Dr. Wenjin walked out of the room, while Yan Sun helped me get the other liquids down my throat. Why did medicine always have to taste so dreadful? The burning of pain in my throat didn't make it easier. I wondered if this was the case why I couldn't speak, or if it hurt because I had attempted to speak earlier.

A few moments later, Nanuk came almost running into the room.

I took a sharp breath of relief, when I saw him.

He was walking on two legs without problems, his arms were swinging along to help him walk faster. He wore normal dark green pants with a lighter green shirt with a brown trim and belt that ended in the middle of his thigh. It was strange to see him wearing so normal, not crumpled things after the fire. Somehow I had thought everything about my family was now burnt or singed. But apart from a slight flush on his cheeks, he looked quite normal. Even his hair looked well combed, the upper half of it in a bun secured by a broad green ring.

"Kira!" he whispered, his voice desperate.

His face, however, bore a look of worry and terror, much alike to how he had looked after we had received notice of Mum's death.

I tried to smile, but it hurt my cheeks too much. It felt like my skin was pulled too much to the sides, and since that area itched, I guessed I was burnt there. Nanuk hurried to my left bedside, since Yan Sun still stood on the other side.

"Holy badgermole, Kira!" Nanuk bent down and stretched his hand out to touch my hair. "I… Did you wake up with the doctor here?"

I shook my head.

"So no one was here?"

I nodded.

Nanuk grimaced and seemed to suppress a curse, as he frowned. "I'm so sorry! I wanted to be here, and I was just out washing myself, and I would have been here if you had waited a little with waking up."

I smiled a little, so as not to hurt myself, and tried to show him that it didn't matter. He was fine. Moon, he was completely healthy! His voice sounded normal and he didn't seem to be injured in any way! Nanuk was fine, and that was the best thing that could have happened to me now! He was the most important person in my life, for sure, and I felt so happy and grateful for him being well that tears started to fall from my eyes.

Nanuk quickly, but carefully wiped them away.

I must have looked like death, or he wouldn't move his arm so carefully as to not touch me anywhere else.

"Does something hurt?" he asked, a slight panic in his voice.

I shook my head again, my smile still there, as I put all my strength into raising my left arm to grasp his hand. My arm was heavy and seemed numb, but it wasn't very injured, apart from the bruises and little cuts.

Nanuk quickly took my hand, still overtly careful. He didn't even squeeze it.

I rolled my eyes and squeezed his instead.

He smiled slightly.

What I wanted to know most was where Dad was and how he was. But I was afraid of trying to speak again. What if it didn't work? I would just worry Nanuk even more. But whenever it would come out, he would always worry.

But while I was still thinking about telling him or how to tell him, he already frowned at me and cocked his head to the side.

"Can't you speak?" the monotone voice of Yan Sun asked, and I quickly glanced at her.

Oh moon, I had already completely forgotten that she was here. I opened my mouth to tell her no, but… I didn't want to try.

"Kira?" Nanuk grabbed my hand tighter.

I swallowed painfully, but wanted to keep my face void of emotions. But all of this was such an emotional situation, and I could not muster the will and strength to pretend to be fine. I could feel my face grimacing at the pain in my throat, which caused my face to hurt, and I could see Nanuk's reaction to it.

Yan Sun stared at me without any judgment or worrying as she put her fingers on my throat.

"Does that hurt?" she asked and pressed lightly on my skin.

It did, shit, it hurt damn much!

I opened my mouth, my brows furrowed, as I glared at her to make it obvious that it hurt!

She drew her hand back, before Nanuk could actually snap at her. She took a deep breath through her teeth so that it made a hissing sound. "This isn't good. I'm going to get the doctor."
I made a useless attempt at opening my mouth. I couldn't speak, and I also didn't know what to even say.

Nanuk got my attention back to him, as Yan Sun left. "Is it true? You can't speak?"

I grimaced and shook my head, lifting my right arm to point at my throat.

My brother took a deep breath, and as I had anticipated his facial features contorted in pain and guilt. Again I tried to smile for him, as I wondered how I could ask about Dad.

"How did this even happen?" Nanuk wondered with a slight anger in his voice.

Frowning, I pointed at him and raised my shoulders in question.

"Oh, er, well, I got San out of the house. We both inhaled a lot of smoke, but we were rather fine. We stayed in one of those hospital beds for more than a day. San lives now with her parents, and I was allowed to stay here for you and Dad."

I quickly raised my eyebrows.

"Dad… He's still unconscious. He has fewer injuries than you, but one at his spine…"

"What?" I mouthed. "No!" My face contorted, as I gasped in shock. Before I cried again, I quickly bit down on my lower lip. I didn't need any further explication, since I had once read the whole work of Doctor Saozhe, the most famous healer of the Earth Kingdom, who had done a lot of research and found remedies to a lot of illnesses. I had been around thirteen years old back then, and had often asked Mum, whenever I didn't understand something. Mum didn't gave me detailed explanation of all the strange sounding words, but instead explained whole phenomena to me, which made it easier for me to understand. I had pestered Nanuk a lot with the content of the book, completely fascinated with the content of the human body, so I guessed that Nanuk had also not needed any further explanation.

"Well, it's not clear yet, but yes, he might never walk again. I just hope he'll be able to move his upper body…" he sighed, letting his head fall down a bit. "I'm so glad you finally woke up! The last days were so…" Nanuk quickly pressed his lips together.

The sound of footsteps distracted me from comforting my brother, as I looked to the right to see the doctor and Yan Sun walk in again.

Dr. Wenjin hurried a bit, his small legs moving quickly. "You can't speak?" he asked, as soon as he was on my bedside.

I shook my head.

"This could still be because of all the smoke you had inhaled. You lay in the house, until the fire was extinguished, after all. You are lucky to even be alive. But you had a rather large wound on your throat, too, so maybe that is also the cause. We didn't notice it went so deep."

Frowning, I nodded, before I looked to Nanuk and made a wave motion with my hand, then pointed at my throat.

His eyes widened, and he sat up straight. "Yes! Doctor, my sister is a waterbender, she can heal herself. She just needs water!"

The doctor touched his chin in musing, and nodded. "I guess a large bath would be the best way. Water healing might do wonders for all of your body. And perhaps, later you can use it on your father. We don't know a lot about waterhealing, unfortunately, but I read some miraculous things about it. Maybe it will work."

I nodded quickly.

"Yan Sun. Get a bath ready for the lady. Pure water or with soap?" Dr. Wenjin asked me.

I shook my head.

"Pure water?"

I nodded. Although soap would be wonderful to feel right now, soap wouldn't help with the healing. Besides, it would only burn in my wounds, if they weren't already closed, which I doubted. I mean, apparently, a whole bunch of flesh was missing in my lower thigh.

I tried not to think about how it would look like. Or how it would look like once it had healed. Would the muscle tissue be built back? Would I have one normal leg and one a thin as an antelope flamingo's? I didn't want to think the word, but I couldn't help it. Would I be a cripple forever?

My waterbending, my fighting would suffer. I wouldn't be as good anymore as I was. I would be too weak, easily defeated, a shame for my mother.

Closing my eyes, I tried to convince myself that it didn't matter. Mum died because of fire. I survived it. I fucking survived a house fire! I survived!

I took a deep, shaky breath, reaching out with my senses, to feel, to know and to appreciate the fact I was still alive. According to Dr. Wenjin I had lied in the house, until the fire was extinguished, so it had had to take quite a long time to get me out of there. And I was still alive.

Smiling again, I squeezed Nanuk's hand, simply feeling thankful.

Zuko

"We should talk," Mai said behind me.

I quickly stood up from my seat on the grass in front of the turtle duck pond.

We had been back from Ember Island for three days now, and it all had quieted down a bit. Mai, Azula, Ty Lee, and I were all back to normal, but still different.

It felt like Mai and I were happier together, when before I had been happier without her. The way she had never responded to me the way I had wanted her to, had simply made me angry, but now it didn't anymore. I forced myself to be more patient with her, finally understanding why she wanted to suppress her feelings all the time. And sometimes she didn't even do it anymore. Our last day on Ember Island had been similar to the first, but way better.

Instead of gifting Mai things at the beach, I had simply spent my time with my lips stuck to hers. Originally, I had hoped to spend the day with Mai alone, but Azula had decided for all of us to head back to the beach. She said she didn't want to conquer the place and then quietly disappear again. No, we had to reappear there to make it clear to the people that we had meant everything yesterday. The children had all run away from their sandcastles or the place they had been playing ball to make room for Azula. The guys playing volleyball had seen us and scurried off, clearly not wanting a rematch, and Chan and Ruon Jian hadn't even been there, instead a lot of other guys from the party yesterday. They all made room for us, tried to get as much distance between us and them, glancing at us and whispering, but whenever one of us looked in their direction, they quickly looked away and tensed all over. Several guys seemed to have considered approaching Ty Lee, but Azula had given them a death glare, and they had all backed away rather quickly. Ty Lee didn't seem to have bothered, as she had smiled at Azula every time. Ty Lee had spent her time entertaining and distracting Azula, actually getting her to try to make a handstand. It was interesting to see how Azula let her walls down around someone so apparently open as Ty Lee.

After some kissing, Mai pulled away and said she was going to close her eyes for a minute. Lying down, she actually dosed off, and although I wanted to keep sitting there and look at her, I guessed she would found it creepy. So I actually went swimming to cool down a little from all the hot sun burning on my skin. After some special Ember Island sushi for lunch (with peppers, tomatoes, celery, and olives, very different from the flavours of the capital, but I liked it) we headed back to Lo's and Li's house to start packing for our trip back home.

Today, I had spent some time looking up statistics of crime, and had thought about a way to look into the financials of the state, without disrespecting Father. I didn't even think that he would care about a few servants having trouble to get by from the low salary. But where did that money come from? And what happened with the taxes? Was that all pushed into the war, into making weapons and transport machines?

I had done something rather untypical for myself today, as I had started to write everything down that I learned. But I simply had to, as the chaos in my head was growing and getting too much. Writing things down helped with the mind, although I still preferred physical exercise to get a calm mind.

Most of all, the research had helped me to get the more pressing question about how my great-grandfather had died out of my head. I had received the scroll which told me that I could find out my own destiny last night, and it had annoyed me all day. After Azula's helpful mocking in front of Sozin's portrait in the royal gallery, I had tried to forget it. It didn't seem to make sense to me. Sozin had lived long and happy. But he had started the war. The only thing I could learn from it was that starting wars meant a long and peaceful life. This was so contradictory, and I refused to believe it. If this was the meaning of the scroll, however, I was pretty sure Azula had given it to me. She was the only one who knew I... still wasn't strong enough for this environment. Reassuring me that this way was going to make me happy seemed necessary to me. It's what I was doing all the time.

"Uh, sure. What do you want to talk about?" I asked to answer Mai, dusting off my robes and stepping closer to her.

Her expression softened, when I slung my arms around her waist and kissed her lightly to greet her.

She laid her hands on my chest and took a step back, looking slightly nervous as she looked past my shoulder.

"What is this about?" I asked curiously. She behaved very bizarrely.

"Well, I was thinking…" she said, trailing off. "Maybe we should sit down." She gestured to a bench on the side of the garden, close to the archway.

We sat down there, and I turned towards her, curious, but also a little concerned. Uncle had once told me that "We should talk" or "We have to talk" coming from a girl normally meant something rather negative. I tried to think about things I could have done wrong, or things I shouldn't have done, or things I should have done, or any reason for Mai wanting to have a serious talk with me.

"You have a temper, Zuko," she said matter-of-factly.

It didn't sound judging, so I simply nodded.

"And this won't change. You always got angry quickly when we were children, too. It doesn't matter if you feel good or not, it is just how you are. But I am not someone who can match this."
I quickly took her hand. "Mai, for what happened at that party… Honestly, I had a reason to flip out like that. I… I know I'm quick tempered, but I'm working on it."

The corners of her lips quirked a little. "I don't want you to. I like you just like you are, but I guess I forgot about your temper, since you didn't got that angry before in our relationship."

She sighed. "And I also don't know if I can be more open, Zuko. I know you liked it when I exploded at Azula, but this isn't likely to happen again. And definitely not to her."

"Then explode at me. I don't mind," I said, feeling my eyes widen, as I wondered if she was really going to break up with me.

"I don't think I can do that, either. What I said at the beach is true. I am like this out of fear. But it feels like this is really me now. It's difficult to be more, and I don't know if I ever can. So I just wanted to warn you," she said almost sadly. Her voice was stricken with a little bit of emotion.

"Warn me?"

She nodded. "I might stay the big, boring blah. And you won't like it."

Swallowing, I shook my head. Shit, I had really called her that, hadn't I? "You're not a big blah. You're… like an iceberg."

She frowned a little at me, and I understood that she had no idea how icebergs were. Other than cold of course.

Did I even remember it right? "Well, you see, what's visible on the surface is only the smallest part of the iceberg, but deep down under the surface there is so much more than the eye can see. It's nine times more ice," I explained. I would learn to dive in ice cold water, if it meant to get to see the rest of Mai, too.

"Zuko," she said in a stern voice, as if I had forgot what we had been talking about. "Do you get what I'm saying? I'm giving you an out."

I frowned deeply at her. What? The? Magma?

"I don't think you'll be completely happy with me." She squeezed my hand, still looking me in the eye. Her amber eyes seemed more alive than usual.

This was completely crazy. Of course I would be. It was with her that I had been the happiest in a long time now. Since leaving Uncle in Ba Sing Se I had felt bad, losing Kilara had thrown me completely off balance, but having Mai was the only reason for me to smile, the only reason for me to look forward to the day. I still didn't have any duties, and although I cared for my people, without any assigned power by the Fire Lord, there was almost nothing I could do.

"You're crazy," I told Mai. "You make me happy."

"You're completely miserable, Zuko, everyone can see that. I don't think I make you happy enough. There are many things I hate, I barely show emotions, and I would probably never tell you again how I really feel."

"Do you want to break up? If you want to leave me…" I started, anger hearable in my voice.

She sighed. "No. I don't."

I clenched my jaw, as I looked over her face. She seemed sad, desperate and a little hopeful. "Then stop it. Please. I don't want to hear anything like that ever again," I tried to say it softly, but I noticed that I still sounded a little angry, which I didn't want to feel. I skidded closer to her on the bench, laying my hands on her hips to pull her tighter towards me. "You make me happy, Mai. You make me laugh. And I feel less miserable with you," I whispered into her ear, before kissing her throat.

The urge to show her exactly how happy she made me grew, as I was already thinking about getting her into my room.

"Okay," she murmured. "But I warned you."

I sighed, putting her hair behind her shoulder. "Sure. Now, how about we go to my room for some privacy?" I asked. I would totally kiss Mai here, I didn't mind that at all. But I don't think undressing ourselves in the royal garden would have been well seen.

Mai's response was a kiss to my cheek, as she stood and pulled me up with her. Smiling at her, I wrapped an arm around her waist to keep her close.

I didn't want her to think about such things. It meant she doubted me, us. I couldn't have that; she was all that gave me some sort of stability in my life. I thought if I hadn't had her, I might as well lose all hope of ever being happy. But Mai gave me hope. She gave me hope that I would manage my life here in the Fire Nation, because I could see her in my future. I hoped that I would be made Crown Prince again. I hoped that I would one day become Fire Lord and keep my promise to Kilara, lessening the cruelty of the war and the occupation, and I would be with Mai all this time. The only person who was concerned enough about me to inflict heartbreak to herself to make me happier. Although her understanding of my happiness was obviously completely wrong.

We went back into the palace and headed for the lift to Azula's and my storey. All the while I didn't let go of Mai and kept her close. I couldn't stand the thought of losing her. My hands roamed up and down her body, and I really couldn't wait to get her into my bed. Of course, we haven't done that yet, since we were only together for almost four weeks. I thought we should be together for longer, before doing or thinking about that. But of course, I had thought about it! How could I not? Even though I had never had any male friends my own age, I knew how obsessed some guys were with that. And of course, I was curious. While everything I knew about it came from Uncle or the members of my old crew, there seemed to be very contradicting things about it. Uncle liked to talk about the unique beauty of a woman, and how cherished all women had to feel, while doing the act. My crew hadn't talked like that. They had used very vulgar words concerning women and doing the act.

And I had never felt comfortable with both versions of it.

I really had no intention to compare women to flowers and showing my deep devotion, nor talking about women in a less than disrespecting way for wanting to have one.

The Fire Nation was a much progressed country, especially on gender ideology. Women weren't expected to stay at home and care for the children. Of course, we needed women for soldiers, as our population wasn't large enough to only feed the army with men. And even though women were respected in the part of their fighting ability and intellect, and no one would ever say these things my crewmen had said about women to their face, men still liked to talk in disrespecting ways about them, if they were just among men. That totally eluded my comprehension.

So, while I was curious about the act and often caught myself in a state in which my body wanted to do it with Mai, my mind still wasn't on track with it. It kept remembering all the awful things my crewmen had said and all the fluffy, romantic things Uncle had told me.

I never understood why Uncle felt the urge to show his devotion to every woman, even though he didn't love her. In my understanding of relationships, it acquired love to do what Uncle had done to women.

I guess a middle way would be the only way for me to feel comfortable with that.

On the other hand, if I felt like I needed love to do what Uncle did, then maybe I wasn't ready for this with Mai. I liked her, and I desired her. I didn't want her to look at any other boys, and I sure as hell wasn't interested in any other girls. I liked spending time with Mai, and I could picture a future with her in my life. But love? It was a strange concept, giving up everything for a person and making one so completely and utterly vulnerable. I didn't know if I was ready for this with my history of being betrayed. In my experience, love hurt.

Either way, I was still desperate to get Mai into my bed for a good round of snogging. After what she'd said to me, I just felt like I needed it. I needed to show her that I wouldn't let her go.

Once out of the lift, the view of the wealthier side of the capital greeted us.

Directly opposite the lift were large windows with flowing red curtains lining along the whole corridor. Sunlight shone in, making the deep red of the walls appear a bit lighter, and the blue of the sky added a tint of beauty to the surroundings. At night, the corridor was just dark and creepy. I had never liked it. But during the day, the colours reminded me more of corals underwater, or fire lilies blooming on a cliff with the ocean and sky behind.

This corridor's windows opened to the eastern side of the capital, where the more important citizens lived, and the most expensive shops were located.

It was a beautiful sight from up above, overlooking the caldera's walls and seeing the ocean behind. Having one's quarters ten storeys above ground level surely had its perks.

But I wasn't going to admire the view now. No, I basically dragged Mai to my room, who was by no means reluctant, but didn't see any need in hurrying.

"Slow down, Zuko. You're going to make me stumble over my pants," she said, annoyance and amusement barely noticeable in her voice.

I stopped, turned around and took her picture in. Yeah, her pants were flowy and very long. She always wore long things.

"You could wear something shorter, you know," I suggested.

She glared at me. "I'm not going to change my style, so that you can get me faster into your bedroom!"
A loud, malicious cackle came from behind her, and I saw Azula standing in the middle of the hallway. She stood in front of the lift, obviously wanting to leave, but now she was pressing her hand to her stomach, leaning forward, her face contorted in joy, or schadenfreude.

I scowled at her, then at Mai, who pressed her lips together, even looking apologetically.

"But you could carry me," she said then, an almost sheepish smile on her face.

I could have kissed her. Which I did. Short, but strong, as I put my arms under her back and knees. Although Mai was just as tall as I was, she wasn't that heavy. Must be the lack of muscles and fat.

She laid her arms around my shoulders, leaned forward and gave me a passionate kiss. I almost dropped her from surprise, but returned the kiss with equal fervour. Her tongue sneaked into my mouth, and I gladly opened it for her to kiss her thoroughly. I couldn't stop the groan escaping my throat, as one of her hands pressed against my neck to get me closer to her.

We kept kissing like that in the hallway, until I heard a fake gag from my sister and the opening of the lift door.

Grinning against Mai's mouth, I turned around to walk to my room. I only had to let of go of her to open the door, then I stepped through it, closed the door with my foot, and headed for my bed in the centre of the room.

All my curtains were drawn open, so the sunlight shone into the room, lighting all the dark wood, grey metal and red colour which made my room. I had to think about what Mai had said she thought of the Fire Palace, that it made her feel as if she were in a womb.

I felt more like inside a volcano, since the grey metal let me think of hardened lava.

When I let Mai down on my bed, I pulled away from our kiss and supported myself on my elbows, to get more distance between us. I wanted to look at her, and with my face too close to hers, it looked like she had three eyes.

"Ow," she said. "You're pulling at my hair."

I quickly looked down, seeing my elbow firmly planted on one of her plaits.

"Sorry," I murmured, and lifted my elbow to place her braid above her head.

"Put that collar and shoulder things away. It's so uncomfortable," she ordered.

I quickly sat up on my knees, so not to straddle her hips, and took the stiff fabric, streaked with metal, off. When I had complained about these things as a child, my mother had told me it was necessary for protection. So that no one could cut my throat and reach my heart, since a lot of people would be envious at a member of the royal family.

Now, I just threw it to the ground and opened the long, sleeveless cardigan Mai always wore. Without the fastening button and metal streaked into the fabric covering her shoulders, everything about her body seemed softer, as only normal fabric was left. Her gloved hands came up to caress my cheeks, and I was glad that at least her fingertips weren't covered by fabric.

I smiled at her, as I turned my head to kiss the inside of her hand. She pulled my face down to hers, but instead of kissing her, I almost let all of my weight touch her, as I kissed her under her ear. "You make me happy, Mai," I whispered. "Don't forget that."

She wove her hands through my hair, loosening my top knot, and pulled me away from her throat, only to pull my mouth against hers again. Supporting myself on my elbows once more, I happily answered her kiss.

Kilara

Water had done a great deal for me. As soon as I had been in the bathtub, it had started glowing, my body healing almost automatically. All my bandages were still tightly wrapped around my body, but Yan Sun had helped me to take the hospital gown off. Unfortunately, I had been unconscious for two days, so the healing couldn't help as much as it could have directly after the fire.

I had never needed to heal myself like that before. Normally, I put a hand engulfed with water on an injury, but completely immerging myself in water?

My brows contorted as I concentrated on all the small cuts, burns and bruises. Those on my face, my arms, my chest and thighs healed nicely. There were light lines left, white patches of new skin where the burns had been, but I was sure that with time no one would be able to see those scars anymore. My skinned elbows and knees also healed within a few seconds.

But the large burn on my chest down to my navel was complicated. I felt how there was no skin at all, and rebuilding all layers of the skin took much energy, and I simply couldn't give all that energy now. I was still exhausted.

I didn't even get to try to heal my legs, before I fell asleep.

Yan Sun picked me up soon enough, so that I didn't drown.

Dr. Wenjin forbade me from healing Dad, if it took so much energy from me. Nanuk agreed with him, when I got angry. I understood his reasoning, and that the risks were still too high, but I wouldn't mind being unconscious for several days, if it just meant that Dad could at least use his upper body again. So we worked out an agreement. After three days of waterhealing, medicine, pastes and changed bandages, I would be allowed to heal Dad.

During these days, I managed to avoid mirrors, being sure I still looked like the death or a scarecrow. I found out after waking up from my first bath that the burn on my forehead had burnt half an eyebrow and my upper hairline. My normal hair started now way further back than it should have, and all of it at the front was terribly crisped and singed. It was all around my face, not only on top of my head. It probably looked completely stupid. I asked Yan Sun on the day after my first healing if she could cut the rest of my hair. I didn't want to lose all of it, but there was already so much burnt or gone, and I didn't want to look like a scarecrow. After my burn would be completely healed, along with my hair roots, I would let all grow back, but for now I wanted most of it gone. I wanted evenness. Nevertheless, I still shed a lot of tears, when Yan Sun cut my pale brown, reddish hair. I saw the strands falling to the ground, and was overcome with memories of my mother combing and braiding it. On the other hand, I remembered how the other children on Kyoshi and in Makapu Village had teased Nanuk and me for our light hair colour. All other children had had dark brown or black hair, and even Suki's hair had been dark enough. Nanuk and I had been called names, because of it. They had called us fox heads, even though our hair was much browner than the fur of any kind of fox, antelope foxes, rabbit foxes, and especially fire ferret foxes.

Nanuk didn't hide the shock on his face, when he saw me. The last time I had had so little hair was as a baby. My brother cried a little, but still stroked my scalp and said I looked like him on his toddler paintings. I smiled in return. My throat had still not healed enough, so I only smiled in response.

Then, the day on which I would heal Dad finally came. The healers had managed to roll him onto his side, hoping that it wouldn't damage his back further. I was seated in a wheelchair, which had been the only way for me to get around these last days. Nanuk had even been allowed to go outside with me for a little bit, which I had very much enjoyed. Fresh air really is something, although feeling it on my scalp was still completely new and weird.

Now, I needed to concentrate. I needed to put all of me into this. And I would.

I laid my hand, covered with water, on Dad's spine, where the doctors had pointed the injury out. The area had coloured in a dark violet, but it wasn't the only injury to Dad's spine. I could feel another one, deeper.

Closing my eyes, I began with the injury closer to his neck. The bone was broken. I knew how to fix that. But the problem with bones was that they took a while with waterhealing. So I concentrated first on the bone marrow, which had extravasated slowly. I got it back in, and then I worked on closing the first layer of the bone around it. It was exhausting. It felt like I was coaxing the bone, like I had to talk nicely to it. I couldn't just make it do anything, I could only try to convince it. It was a weird feeling. I hated healing bones.

After the first layer was sealed, I allowed myself to take a break, to withdraw my hand and take a deep breath. I was panting, sweating actually, as I emerged from Dad's spine.

"I think this is enough for now," Dr. Wenjin said.

"The marrow isn't extravasating anymore. The bone is not yet healed completely, but a little," wrote I on a piece of parchment.

The doctor nodded. "Alright. This is truly marvellous."

The other healers all nodded, while three gently laid Dad back on his back, as Nanuk pulled my wheelchair back to give them more space.

"Back in bed then, Miss Huang," Dr. Wenjin said and I nodded.

Nanuk pushed my wheelchair back to a more private room that I had been sleeping in for two days now. Nanuk spent his nights on the couch of San's parents, as they had been kind enough to let him sleep there. I guess, they were also thankful, after all, Nanuk had saved her from the fire. Peizhi had invited Nanuk to him, too, but Peizhi's was two hours of walking away, and Nanuk had preferred to stay close so that he could visit me in the morning and leave in the evening.

Before we were back in my room, however, I was already asleep.

---

Okay, I feel like I've got a few things to clarify here. If anyone didn't read the author's note at the beginning (I know I skip them often, because I can't wait to get to the chapter) then please do, if you want to know why Chan's house was burning.

House Fire and Injuries: I never woke up in a hospital, and I don't know any doctors, so the whole "doctor-comes-to-Kira" happened probably in a very improbable way. I was thinking about letting Dr. Wenjin checking Kira's vitals, and if her pupils would react to light, but I just don't think that Earth Kingdom doctors, even in Ba Sing Se, can do a lot more than mix up some medicine and bandage a patient. I figures they would know the most basic things, but obviously they can't so much. There are X-ray apparatus, nor any scanning thing which would be able to really give the healers a good look on the injuries, so of course, not everything can or will be able to heal.

So from the last chapter (Chapter Twenty) we know that an explosive exploded right in front of Kira. She described all the heat she felt in her face, so I thought it was logical if she'd had burns in her face and around her face, thus the burnt hair. I would have worsened the burns in her face, but Zuko has already got his distinguishing mark, so I didn't want to have another character with a major burn in her face. To find out where Kira would have her burn was pretty tricky. Because of Zuko, I didn't want Kira to have it in her face or on her abdomen. Because of Aang, I didn't want it to be on her back. Because of Katara, I didn't want them to be on her hands, although the idea really intrigued me. And because of Song, I didn't want Kira to have burns on her leg. So instead, the explosive singed a little of Kira's facial skin and a lot of her hair. Her ice wall fell apart, but it was all too fast for the ice to melt, so some of it even cut through her facial skin and arms. Then Kira flew across the room, losing consciousness. And the fire kept burning, until a burning ceiling beam fell downon Kira, causing the major burn on her chest, and the glass lamp on the ceiling landed in her calf, cutting through her flesh. All the other small injuries just happened while wood, rock, and fire were falling around her.

I really wanted Kira's major injury to be on her legs, but it couldn't be a burn, because then it would be too much like Song's scar. And I guess the injury which Kira has now is even worse for her. Not being able to walk properly again, not being able to fight right, and this in the time of the rebellion! Moreover, Kira is fifteen. She is still unsure about her looks, and of course wants to look good like every teenager does. This will shock her whole self-confidence, but also be a source for learning more. Kira has always been cute and pretty, and especially adults have always doted on her, while peers had been jealous. And this is over. She's not cute anymore, she can't find herself pretty anymore, and I want her to truly understand that it's the inside that counts. If nothing disfiguring has ever happened to one, it's easy to say such things. I actually feel a little guilty because of that. Kira doesn't deserve this, but then again, when had Zuko ever deserved Ozai?

I actuall guess this is even harder for Nanuk, who blames himself for not staying with Kira in the house, when she told him to go and find San. He made it out, barely hurt, when his sister can't walk nor speak, and his father is still in a coma. To be the one waiting, to be the one seeing the loved ones suffering, to watch their difficult way to healing, hurts in a different way, on an emotional level. Nanuk feels guilty, helpless, and only wants to trade places with Kira or their father Longwei. The injustice of the world becomes once more clearer to him, and his hatred for the Fire Nation burns even more now.

Mai and Zuko: So I thought that Zuko and Mai getting back together at the beach wasn't enough. I actually wanted to write about Mai's insecurity right at the beginning of this chapter after the party, but then Ty Lee showed up, because I wanted Zuko to apologise to her. And I felt like the talk they had was necessary. I wanted Ty Lee to show that she truly knows him, and I also wanted the idea about shaping your own destiny planted into Zuko's head. He's still trying to deny everything Iroh has ever told him, but Ty Lee pretends not to understand the deeper meaning of his trouble. So I thought it would be easier for him to listen to her. So three days later, Mai finally gathers the courage to tell Zuko about what has been in her head. It's so obvious that Mai and Zuko have personnality traits they both hate on each other. And I guess while Zuko would be simply happy to be again with Mai and ignore reason, Mai would actually think about what all this means. I wanted them to have a talk about it, but those two just don't have talks, so I went along with Mai's insecurities. She'd rather lose Zuko now than later, since she's convinced that it will hurt even more later. And of course it will when he'll leave the capital. Zuko acts very selfish in here, but to him it still seems like staying at the palace is the only option he has, so he believes being with Mai is right, and he doesn't think he would leave her. I know this shows Zuko is kind of a hypocrite, but the thing is that Mai is right. She doesn't make him happy enough, but he doesn't know that yet. This is not the life he really wants, and he won't be able to accept it. But right now, he still tries to convince himself of this, and tries not to think about everything that's hurting him. He's still in denial, and it will still take a while (two weeks) for Zuko to truly realise what he wants for his life.

And I also wanted some Maiko moment, since I wanted to practise writing it. They'll stay together for a year after the war, so I thought I would need the practice, as I will need to write about them. And Zuko is a teenager, and has a girlfriend, so I wanted to write something about teenage relationships, too. Something a little awkward, where both are trying to find out how this whole adult love and relationship thing works. Unfortunately, I already wrote about them making out and implied it before, so they already know this, and it is not awkward... Still, I think it was a lighter moment in their relationship. Something more relatable and nice than wanting fruit tarts with rose petals and telling each other that they don't hate each other. Wow, those scenes were so sweet and so romantic. What a nice couple. Those scenes were actually one reason for me not to want them to stay together. In my opinion, Maiko should definitely not be endgame, but since I'm writing this from Zuko's perspective, and I don't want him to be an asshole who is just using Mai, I have to write about them as a couple, about couple moments in a sweet way. I hope I managed to do this, and that Mai in the end wasn't too much off canon. I just thought she would put in more effort from now on. In the next episode that shows her and Zuko, she is smiling at him, concerned for his wellbeing, and happy for him. She shows all these emotions, so I just thought she opened up again. Probably reassured through Zuko's insistence that she's making him happy. Well, in here, at least. No idea what Bryke thought they'd do after their fight.

About the Fire Nation palace, I really had some trouble describing it in my writing. From the outside it looks like this massive metal building with little sunlight, looking completely menacing, and it is located in the middle of the caldera, in the middle of a completely empty, boring ring formed square, which is huge in comparion to the palace. But where are those gardens Zuko likes to brood in? And what are these large houses you can see when Zuko dresses for his coronation? When I look at the caldera from above, these things don't make any sense! But maybe Zuko wasn't even getting dressed in the palace and maybe the coronation place is somewhere else in the caldera. This would make more sense. But the gardens, still. Where are they? The Fire Nation Palace doesn't make any sense to me, and when I was looking at it closer today in the episode Nightmares and Daydreams, it looked like the palace had been built on a huge patch of hardened lava. And this hardened lava was still around the palace. No one had thought about planting something there to make this place actually look pretty! Hardened lava is fertile soil, why not planting something? Why leaving it grey and naked and ugly? Honestly, if I had to walk down that road between the gates and the palace, where everything around you is hardened lava, the black and red monstrum of a palace in front of you, and only the metal walls around, so you cannot see the horizon? With the sky being yellow or red, I would surely think I was in hell! I will definitely have Zuko redecorating this in my fic, once he'll be Fire Lord. If you grow up in such a hell-like place, then it's hardly surprising all these kids turn out to be psycho- or sociopaths!

Yeah, I had to vent this a bit... It's just so sad. The Fire Nation palace could be this wonderful, tropical palace with masses of sunlight! But no, we got hell. In this fic, Zuko will not raise any kids in hell! I want him to raise his kids in the tropical palace with sunlight and plants and huge butterflies!

Answers to reviews:

To uchihaNaruto247: I was thinking about letting Nanuk, San, or Longwei die, but I thought it would be too much for Kira. I don't want to traumatise her completely. I don't want her to become depressed, and as I still have a plan for her, which won't make her happy, I thought killing someone close to her was too much. And simply killing San wouldn't mean enough, so they all survived. Yes, Zuko will leave the Fire Nation and join Team Avatar, as this fic follows canon completely. So that unfortunately means no interaction between Kira and the gaang before the end of the series. After the end of the war, I will make them interact again, of course, as Kira already knows Suki and Toph. But this fic isn't contradicting anything from canon, as I want to imagine it really happening at the same time behind the scenes, while watching the show. I will definitely add new things in between, so as to not simply retell the Avatar story, but I won't change anything in canon. I would have wanted Zuko and Katara to be together, but they aren't, and Zuko has a daughter, and no one knows who her mother is. This fic is simply my way of giving myself a satisfactory explanation to it, since I don't want it to be Mai. I don't think Zuko and her would be happy with each other for all their life, and I think Zuko deserves more happiness.