Vespe: Thanks. :) Loss is pretty much the central theme loss and family and how it impacts them. Oh yes! Thanks for reminding me! I've actually been meaning to change that. This story took a very, very different turn from what I had initially planned in my outline. I type stories as I go and kind of let them write themselves. Typically it writes itself the way I planned or the divination from the initial premise is small. I think that this is actually the first time that it wrote itself completely different. Like I was thinking about putting a supernatural element in the next chapter (and I might still) but I'm not sure if it will make sense given the route this fic took. So I'm gonna see what happens with the next chapter and then decide if there's still room for supernatural stuff or if I have to go and change the genre and summary. And it's alright, I multiship and stuff and I get that some pairs aren't for everyone. I feel like I took a risk pairing her off with Jet and another risk by writing for Zutara (which is actually my notp lmao). So yeah, I understand completely. Thanks for being respectful with your criticisms! It's nice to get a critique that's stated kindly.
gemsofformenos: Kind of gonna to a speed run on the review this time (as I have to get going soon), hope you don't mind! Indeed it was, they had a good break in the last chapter. A break and some hope. And thanks again, I totally feel like Azula would be the type to double check everything and then triple check. She'd want to be fully prepared. I had fun describing the new interior of La-bster. I don't usually get to describe buildings xP And oh yeah, big time. Azula is still very conflicted over Jet. She isn't sure if she should be with him at all. And she is less sure about what she would say if Sokka were found alive. I'm glad that you were able to enjoy the more peaceful moment though. And yes there is always potential for something to go amiss. Especially at sea lol. You're welcome and thank you again!
kingeddie16ne: xP Thank you!
The ocean is kinder to Azula than she expected. It might be the sense of freedom and adventure that she craves or possibly the feeling of getting away from the past. It feels better. She feels better. She can't entirely shake the feeling of sullenness that creep in every now and again, mostly at night as she lies in her cabin, but she still feels like some weight has been lifted from her shoulders.
She sits on the deck for the longest time, watching the waves roll by and scanning the waters for any sign of life, a familiar face on a stalled or damaged boat, possibly on a thin strip of debris. She holds a book and reads a page every now and again.
She sets her book aside and reapplies her sunscreen. Preferring fresh air to the antique but stale air of the lighthouse, she has always been rather tan. Her excessive amount of time spent on deck, has deepened her complexion that much further.
She can't see anything for miles so she puts her book aside and wanders over to the steering wheel. Her father stands behind it, face to the sun and the wind. The open ocean seems to be treating him rather well too, his skin is just as tanned and he has taken to grooming his beard and hair again, both of which flutter almost absurdly majestically in the breeze.
Azula finds herself faintly humored, he hasn't yet taken the braids out of his beard. The night prior, Katara had declared that they needed to get pirate looks, that Sokka would have brought pirate hats and eye patches along if he had planned this trip. By the end of the night they all had the most awful improvised eye patches and bandanas. And Jet had very boldly vowed to give Ozai the most swashbuckling beard on the high seas.
She had muttered something about him becoming a hardened pirate and giving Khozen a little competition. Ozai hadn't particularly fancied that idea, citing poor hygiene as the chief reason for his objection to the lifestyle.
They have been sailing for a week or so and have made several stops on little islands and land masses. Most of them were unoccupied, another handful boasted single houses on privatized land. They'd knocked on several doors and inquired about Sokka. It had been as futile as Azula had anticipated. Though it wasn't an absolute waste, the third house that they came by was home to a grumpy old woman and her cheerful husband.
Much to the woman's annoyance, the man invited them in for lunch. Azula doesn't have a taste for pineapples served with dishes that otherwise had no fruits. Pineapple on pizza is an absolute no. She found herself of the same opinion when the old couple served it with shrimp and rice. She took to eating only pineapple and the buns they'd meant as an appetizer. Katara on the other hand was delighted, doubly so to have a new recipe for La-bsters. She vowed to name it after the old couple.
The old woman was adamant that Katara name it after her cat. And so La-bsters will soon have a dish called Miyuki's meal.
She can't say that she will forget that night, the taste of pineapple and shrimp will always haunt her nightmares and she has a feeling that Zuko won't be deleting the video of her trying it any time soon. It is just as well, she knows that when Sokka sees it...if, she corrects herself. If Sokka sees it, he will get a kick out of it.
"I can take the wheel." Azula offers. "Go get some water, father."
He pats her back, "I'll be back in a moment." His voice is steadier, livelier and his eyes aren't so tired. She isn't entirely sure if he has any lingering withdrawal symptoms, if he does, he doesn't show them. He does know, however, that he still has cravings. He is irritable on those days and they give him space.
On those days he lurks below deck in the cabin by himself, refuting all offers for company. On those days she does most of the steering and Katara keeps watch for her. Zuko fills in for her when she needs a break. And Jet, though he doesn't steer the boat, being as he has a horrid sense of direction, does most of the cleaning and ship repairs. Though she finds that his emotional support is the most helpful.
Ozai remerges on the deck with two water bottles. He holds one out for her. "Thank you, father."
He nods and crosses his arms as he peers towards the horizon. His face stern.
"What's wrong?"
He presses his lips together. "We're going to need to find a place to port. The weather forecasts are calling for a storm."
"How bad is it going to be?"
"It isn't supposed to be a hurricane, but they advise that boats be kept out of the water if possible."
Azula nods, "and when is it supposed to hit?"
"As of now, they are predicting early tomorrow morning. They say that it could break in the afternoon. I would prepare for an early morning storm."
Azula nods. For a time they are quiet. "Father?" She looks up.
"Yes?"
"How are you holding up?"
For the briefest moment his lip quirks up. He holds up his AA chip, it glints gold. "I'll have my purple chip by the end of your journey."
She doesn't think that it is just her journey. It was her idea, yes. But all five of them are on it and for their own different reasons. For their own ideas of closure. She wants to say that her father is on two of them simultaneously. "You'll make it to your bronze chip, right?" A year is a long time, she is aware.
His firm grip his back on her shoulder. "I hope so." He gives it a squeeze.
"Mom would be proud." Zuko leans in the doorway. "She wouldn't want you to drink because of her."
"I'll leave you two alone." She would like some time with Jet anyhow.
.oOo.
Zuko's stomach is tying itself in knots. He has been keeping his distance from his father, but it is time to confront the man. If for no other reason than to keep Azula happy. She loves their father dearly. And for as much as she insists that she doesn't care, he is certain that having their family rift apart would break her.
"I like to think so." Ozai agrees. He is silent for a very long time. Zuko doesn't know what to fill the silence with.
"Believe it or not, I want Azula to be proud too." Another long pause. "And you."
Zuko isn't sure what emotion comes over him exactly. Perhaps a sense of empowerment or satisfaction. It is now his turn, his turn to yell about disappointments and expectations. It would be so easy. So easy to note how funny it is that Ozai is the family disappointment, not him.
He very nearly does.
At the last moment he recalls just how easy it would be to cause his father to drink again. He also recalls that they are on a beverage free boat so no opportunity would arise. Instead he says, "I'm trying to be proud."
"But…" Ozai prompts.
Zuko shakes his head. "I'm still angry." He replies. "About the drinking, about how you dragged Azula down the beach, about how you left us to handle your job... about how you used to call me a disappointment."
Ozai gives a long exhale. "We never really settled that did we?"
"No." Zuko shakes his head. "I still don't know if you're proud of me. Azula says that you are. She said that you found my cooking and baking helpful. But you never said it."
"Zuko, I didn't think that I had to."
He almost grows teary eyed. "You did."
Ozai seems to nod and says nothing more.
"Can you make me proud too? Can you really try?"
"I'm really trying now." Ozai swears.
Zuko is still skeptical.
"Come here for a minute." He calls to Jet. "You, steer the ship." He and Azula make their way over.
Jet gives a thumbs up. Just as they are disappearing below deck, Zuko hears, "hey Katara, come steer the ship for a moment!"
Ozai leads him into the kitchen. He pulled a loose board from the wall and comes out with an unopened bottle.
"You're kidding!?" Zuko scowls. "Azula is…"
"Not going to know." Ozai finishes.
"You've been…"
Ozai shakes his head. "This is the only one I brought aboard...just in case."
"Why would you show me that?"
"Follow me." He motions for Zuko to follow him back on deck. He gives it a quick scan, presumably for Azula. Finding the coast clear, he fully appears on deck. He reaches the bow.
"Father, what's that?"
Zuko's stomach knots, he can only imagine how tense Ozai is. But the man seems rather relaxed. He holds up the bottle and throws it overboard. "I was saving it just in case." He pauses. "I've always told the two of you to tough it out and forget the baby steps…"
"That was the second manliest thing I've seen all year!" Jet declares.
"What was the first?" Zuko asks, desperate to shake away the last remaining vestiges of anxiety.
"Toph doing bench presses."
Ozai rolls his eyes. "You kids do the strangest things."
.oOo.
Azula goes to bed feeling both hopeful and uneasy. It has been a good day, a soothing one. Her father seems well, better than he has been in a very long while. She feels as though they are beginning to close the gap.
But Jet...
The day with him had gone well. Perfectly in fact.
She almost wishes that it hadn't. She almost wishes that he would do something to piss her off, to break her heart, anything. But he hasn't, he has only been patient and supportive.
She puts her head on the pillow, clasps her hands over her middle, and fixes her eyes on the ceiling as she takes in the gentle rocking of the boat. In shifts they are on the lookout for storm clouds and a safe place to dock. She ought to relieve Zuzu and take a second shift, she doesn't think that she will be sleeping anyways, regardless of the soft ambiance of the waves.
Her head is whirring with possible scenarios and countless conflicting thoughts. Jet isn't Sokka. Not by any means, but he suits her in a way that Sokka doesn't. They have more things in common. And yet she craved the clash that she and Sokka had-it was fun.
She finds that she is very easily able to picture herself curled up with Jet right now. Can picture herself doing so time and time again. Just as much, she can vividly see herself holding Sokka tighter than ever on the way home. Of course this image is tainted with a knowingness that Jet will be lonely in the cabin over.
Azula wishes that he will do something to make her hate him. To make it easier for her to break things off. A much deeper and darker part of her, hopes that they don't find Sokka. This part of her is mercifully small, more or less an intrusive thought that she casts aside as soon as it arises.
She just wonders what she would tell Jet if they do find Sokka…
Or what she would tell Sokka…
Her mind wanders further and she finds herself fretting that she might not get to decide anything at all. That when she tells him about Jet, he will make up her mind for her. She reminds herself that the odds of finding him are slim to none. That she should just get some sleep instead of fretting over something that might not come to pass at all.
But that is not how her mind operates. She is a girl of plans and she spends the night running through scenario after scenario. Script after script until dawn breaks and Zuko cusses loudly.
She hears a rumble of thunder.