Break-Up Service

Leave an "Amuse Me" in my ask, and I will write a funny drabble about one character trying to cheer another up.

It is important to keep life expenses in check, especially if your mother had been using the family funds wisely on things like travelling around the world, renting villas and tasting ancient wines, leaving little to no spare money for Kaito to buy necessary props and equipment for his night activities, or to blast some impromptu fireworks because he nearly missed his childhood best friend's birthday.

Ok, about the latter, that was kinda Kaito's own fault.

It wasn't like he didn't have alternatives. He could live up to his criminal status and sell one of the jewels he stole instead of returning it. But once he remembered how Aoko's father's job was at stake for each jewel he was tasked to protect, he gave up the idea as fast as he thought of it.

He then considered going around performing magic shows and earning quick bucks, but he decided against it in the end, too. He wasn't going to wing it and perform some cheap tricks for money; it went against his passion of magic and all the beliefs his father taught him too. If he wanted to perform, it would be for pure interest, and one that he was going to work and practice hard for.

That so, he would need time, and that was the second thing he lacked besides money.

After much contemplation, rather than magic, Kaito decided to use his next-best expertise; disguise. With a simple website template and some good marketing tactics, Kaito started his new business.

Want to break some bad news to your family but don't know how? Want to break up with your girlfriend but you don't have the will to do it? Don't worry, Katsuki Doito will solve all these headaches by disguising as you and break the bad news in your stead.

(How ironic when he himself couldn't break his own damn news to the people he love.)

When Kaito woke up the next day, his email was filled with requests.

His business turned out to be a success overnight.

He'd taken over a dozen cases without a hitch and everything went on smoothly since he started. Not once having to reveal his true identity, he got his money, and nobody suspected a thing (his clients were more concern about their own affair then wondering how some Katsuki Doito got the disguise so well). The best job ever.

On his 27th case, Watanabe Mimiko, a high-school graduate, paid Kaito for his service. As she was ambitious and had set her future on a path, nothing was going to change her mind from flying to England to further her studies... Not even her lovely childhood sweetheart who didn't want her to go.

Sitting across the restaurant table was that lovely childhood sweetheart, Yori Ikuto.

"Mimi…" Ikuto clenched his fist over the table. "Is there nothing we can do to save our relationship?"

Kaito—in Watanabe Mimiko's form—shook his head, the long, black hair wig brushing across his face. "No, I'm afraid not."

"How are you so sure we can't work out?!"

"It's just…" Kaito squeezed his eyes, trying to force some fake tears out (this was often the hardest part), "I'm so sorry, Ikuto-kun. It's not you. It's me."

By the time Kaito opened his eyes, letting the tears fall, he realized Ikuto was out of the restaurant.

Kaito sighed, grabbing a napkin and dapped his eyes carefully, tying to avoid his contact lenses. "What a waste of my tears—"

"Hey."

Kaito glanced up.

If Kaito was drinking, he would have spitted out all the water onto Hattori Heiji, who was standing next to his table and staring down at Kaito.

A pity that he wasn't drinking any water.

"Sorry ya, but I couldn't help and overheard everything," Heiji said, clearing his throat. He then made himself relax and sat on the seat where Ikuto left. "Are you okay?" he asked in concern.

This wasn't the first time it happened when he disguised as a sad, pitiful female client and some pervy men came and tried to take the chance to get into her (his) pants. But this was the first time when Kaito received such genuine concern, and it was from nobody but the Detective of the West himself.

What were the chances?

Kaito bit his inner cheeks, forcing himself to eat up the laugh that nearly escaped his mouth. Time may be something he lacked, but for this, he got all the time in the world.

"Are you hitting on me?" Kaito drawled, though his husky voice of a supposedly depressed girl remained intact.

"What? No." Heiji cringed. "I have a girlfriend."

"Ok." Kaito faked a sniff. "Then what do you want?"

"Uh," Heiji scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. "I thought you needed some comfort."

Comfort? That's fun.

"Do you understand my situation?" Kaito placed a hand on his chest. "The pain I have to go through?"

"Well…"

"Have you been in a long-distance relationship with your girlfriend?" Kaito slammed a fist on the table. "Have you broken up with your girlfriend?"

"Huh? No." Heiji slammed the table back, his voice raised as well. "My girlfriend and I are perfectly fine ya. And we live in the same neighbourhood."

"Hm, good for you."

Even someone as oblivious as Heiji sensed Kaito's sarcasm. "I really do understand your situation though, and I know how painful it is that you have to make this choice."

Kaito raised an eyebrow. He might know where this conversation was about to go. "How do you understand?"

"I have this friend who got this long-distance problem too. Ok, not exactly long distance, but there's just something that stop the guy from meeting her as who he is, causing the distance, ya know?"

Ha. How shockingly familiar and relatable was this story?

Heiji continued, "I don't think you'll understand, but to keep things short, they work really hard to keep things between them going and they are still—" Heiji suddenly sighed, shaking his head as if changing his mind. "Ok you know what? Actually I don't know why I'm here and what I'm doing. Sorry."

Before Kaito could say a word, a waitress came over and placed a glass of strawberry smoothie on the table.

"Here's your strawberry smoothie."

Kaito frowned. "I didn't order this."

"I did." Heiji thanked the waitress before pushing the tall glass towards Kaito. "It's for you."

Kaito's frown turned deeper. "I'm not paying for this." He had his budge and that was why he ordered ice water and nothing else.

"It's on me as a… comforting gift."

"…Are you sure you're not hitting on me?"

Heiji's smile turned into a scowl as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "I said I have a girlfriend already."

"Then is your girlfriend here?" Kaito glanced around the restaurant. "Is she seeing this? She's not going to stomp right over and splash this smoothie at me, right?"

"She's not here."

"Oh? And that's why you're…here?" Kaito smirked. "Cheating, aye?"

"Shut up and drink it already." Heiji growled and slapped a hand over his forehead. "Gosh, I'm glad that Ikata broke up with you. You're one troublesome woman."

"It's Ikuto. And excuse me, I broke up with him."

"Whatever it is, I'm glad he's out of your mad clutches!" Heiji started scooting out of the booth. "Why do I always meet crazy women?"

"Even your girlfriend?"

He stood up, staring at Kaito over his nose and sneered. "Sometimes she is, but you're one of your own kind."

"Thanks."

"It's not a compliment."

"Thanks, for the comfort." Kaito pointed at the smoothie.

Heiji blinked. "Um, ok. Well, uh, I hope you find someone in England or something."

An image of a certain blonde flashed across Kaito's mind, and he shivered. "No."

"Fine. Then die alone, I guess."

As Kaito watched the detective leave, he sipped onto his smoothie, took out a pen and began writing on the napkin.

Reminder: To let Watanabe Mimiko know that she should not visit Osaka, at all cost.