Chapter 17

Elanor stood back, watching as the two elves lifted the pallet carrying Haldir onto their shoulders, her hand going out slightly as they jostled him. He still had not woken, but at least there was no fever or burning. She had cleaned the wound and redressed it just before the elves arrived to carry him out, eager to return to Lothlorien.

It was a solemn march through the keep to the wagons that Theoden had graciously provided them. Most of their kin would be laid to rest in Edoras and the thought pained Elanor. She wanted to take them all back, but there were far too many dead for her now small company. And her priority at this moment was Haldir and the other wounded.

Stopping at the top of the stairs, she turned to Theoden, though it was hard to tear her eyes from Haldir, and bowed to him.

"Rohan thanks you greatly for coming to our aid," he said softly. "And for the sacrifices your kind have made."

"We will always come to your aid," Elanor said, willing her voice not to waver. She then turned to Aragorn. "I wish you strength on the rest of your journey," she murmured.

"Safe travels," Aragorn replied as she bowed slightly to him. Legolas stood at his side. She glanced at him, finding a deep sadness in his eyes, though she could not understand why. He had to have known that she would leave with the others.

She was now captain of the elven army with Haldir injured.

She then turned to Braen, who was now her second-in-command.

"It is time," she said. He nodded and started down the stairs as she slowly followed.

Deftly, she mounted her horse in front of the wagon, her back straight and eyes trained forward. All around her, the remaining elves waited for her command. Behind her there was a group of about 10 wounded elves with various injuries. But just as she opened her mouth to give the order, she felt a small push in her mind. She frowned at the intrusion.

"Elanor…"

Immediately, she recognized the soft cadence of Galadriel. It was coming at a most inopportune moment, but one did not ignore the Lady of the Wood.

"Yes, my lady?"

"You have fought bravely, my child. Our losses have not been made in vain…"

Elanor swallowed, her thoughts going to the hundreds of fallen elves that had filled the battleground. Who would never return to Lothlorien or Imladris.

"But your journey does not end here. You must stay."

"But… I cannot. We have lost so many. How will one small company of elves make any difference?" she could not help but ask.

"How can one small halfing save all of Middle Earth? All it takes is one pebble tossed into the water to create widespread ripples. Your path leads you not back to Lothlorien, but to Edoras and beyond," Galadriel replied. Elanor swallowed the tears threatening to fall down her cheeks. She knew they were all staring at her, waiting, but she did not chance looking around.

"I do not know if I possess enough strength to stay," she replied.

"You do. Your story does not end in this way. You must stay and fight," Galadriel continued.

"But… Haldir… I cannot leave his side," Elanor continued to fight. "And the other injured. Someone must lead them home."

"Others can take on that task. And there is one who needs you more," came the response. Elanor's eyes widened. "It is your decision to make, but are you willing to go against your destiny?"

Elanor did not respond, instead sitting silently on the horse as she considered the various paths that now lay before her. She could continue on to Lothlorien or stay and join the others in Edoras. Continue to fight.

She knew that if her aunt believed she was meant to stay, then she should. But part of her longed to return to home. To the land she knew well.

To take care of Haldir and nurse him back to health.

"We have enough to defend our borders and heal those who are wounded. But you must help men rise up to their potential," her aunt continued, as though she sensed her hesitation. "Haldir will reach our lands safely, I assure you."

Elanor looked down a moment before nodding. It seemed as though fate yet again had other plans for her in mind.

"Very well," she said before feeling the intrusion into her mind disappear. She then climbed down from her horse, turning to face the small company, for a moment wondering what to say to them.

"The Lady Galadriel wishes that I stay and continue to offer aid," she said to the elves. "I give you a choice. You may stay or you may ride for home. You will not be judged for either." She looked around at the faces surrounding her. Some she knew, others she did not. But she was responsible for all of them regardless and would need to be a strong leader. The leader that Haldir thought she could be. They looked to each other, then to Braen, who stepped forward.

"I will stay, my lady, and follow your command," he said with a bow. Shortly after, a few dozen others said the same.

"Very well," Elanor replied, though she felt relief that some would follow her. As well as worry. She turned to Haldir, bending over him to leave a kiss on his forehead. "Be well, my dearest friend," she whispered, her eyes closed.

"Do not cry for me, for I am not dead yet," came the response. Elanor's eyes widened as she looked down, seeing Haldir's grey eyes meeting hers. She gasped in shock.

"Haldir," she breathed. He smiled as he brought his hand up to her cheek. There was so much to say to him, but yet again she could not speak.

"Stay. Lead in my stead," he said. "I will try to join you when I can." She nodded, blinking rapidly to stay the tears. "And promise me…"

"Anything," she vowed.

"Tell him your mind - all of it," he said softly. Elanor frowned as she looked over, catching Legolas watching them closely, though as she caught his eye, he quickly looked away. "Do this, Elanor. Make your peace with him, for we both know that you will have none until you tell him what is on your heart."

She looked back to Haldir as a lone tear streaked down her cheek. She finally nodded. Though she did not know how or when, she would try. That she could at least promise.

"Safe travels, Haldir," she said. He smiled and caressed her cheek and then Elanor stepped back, nodding to the elf that was driving the wagon. He whistled and snapped the reins, the horses taking off.

Elanor stood still and watched the procession continue on until she could no longer see it before turning and striding up the stairs, noting the look of confusion on King Theoden's face, though Aragorn looked pleased.

"We will remain with Rohan to further lend our aid," Elanor said formally to King Theoden.

"I am happy to hear such news," he replied, though he still appeared baffled by the sudden change of heart. "We will set out for Edoras once the people are ready."

"Very well, I will be waiting in my rooms," Elanor said. She turned, striding back through the keep. The elves were already prepared to leave, so there were no such preparations for her to take part in.

All around her, people bustled about, the noise of happy chatter filling her ears. She found it grated on her nerves. They had just lost hundreds and these people could smile and laugh? Though she knew that it was unfair to pass judgement - death was a much larger part of a human's world than her own. They were likely happy about the fact that they were still alive.

Suddenly feeling rather closed in, Elanor changed her direction, instead heading towards a small door that she knew led to a small, secluded walkway that went around the keep. Stepping outside, she stopped and closed her eyes, taking in slow, deep breaths of the cool air and grateful for the solitude.

Opening her eyes, she looked out at the mountains, finding they looked rather beautiful despite their recent gruesome history. She stood still, calming herself. She would stay with the men of Rohan. There would be other battles in this war. It was far from over. For just a moment, Elanor allowed the enormity of what was to come wash over her. She found her heart going out to the halfings - Sam and Frodo still on their way to Mordor. Merry and Pippin, she knew not where they were, but hoped that they were safe.

Hopelessness snuck into her heart. Wherever they were, there was nothing she could do to aid them.

Her thoughts then turned to Haldir as she closed her eyes, his face swimming in the darkness before her. She knew she had promised, but Elanor did not know how she could do what he asked.

But she did owe him so much...

Elanor could not help as her eyes remained wide while she took in the grandeur of Lothlorien. Since she was a small elfing, her mother told her stories of where she had grown up, but now she was finally seeing it for herself. As a present for her coming of age, her mother brought her here to visit, though her father had remained behind in Mirkwood, far too valuable to King Thrandiul to leave right now.

It was all wonderful, she decided, walking through the forest city, though making sure not to venture too far from her aunt and uncle's home. Onward she continued until she found herself at the edge of the city, not realizing just how far she had walked. She knew that she should return, but she heard the sounds of combat and could not help herself as she continued down a path.

Her eyes widened further as she came upon what must be the training grounds. A smile spread across her face as she watched the many warriors and soldiers continue through their drills. Her eyes then stopped as they fell upon two tall elves with long blonde hair locked in a fierce sparring match.

She felt herself inching closer to them. She had always been fascinated by watching the guard train at Mirkwood. Wanted to join in, though her father had put his foot down and said she was too young. But now she was of age and he was not here with her and her mother in Lothlorien. Perhaps she could start.

"I would be careful. If either saw the look on your face, they would have bigger heads than they already possess."

Elanor jumped and turned, seeing another elf at her side who looked remarkably like the two currently in the sparring match. She glanced back at them and then over to him. He looked as though he weren't that much older than her, but held himself in a way that said he was far more mature.

"I am Haldir," he said with a warm smile, sensing he had startled her.

"Elanor… I am here visiting from Mirkwood with my mother," she said. His eyebrows rose.

"Fraeya's daughter," he said. Elanor turned back to the match, her cheeks painted slightly pink. Of course everyone in Lothlorien knew of her mother. She was raised by Galadriel. Renowned for her beauty and voice. Everyone expected her to be just like her mother. At 100, Elanor was already growing tired of it.

"I am," she said, lifting her chin slightly, her tone slightly cold. She heard a chuckle from next to her. Turning, she frowned at this Haldir.

"Forgive me, I should not laugh," he said. "For a moment I thought that I was speaking to Lady Galadriel." Her frown deepened. "You do look remarkably like her and your mother." Elanor only rolled her eyes and looked back to the match.

"I am nothing like Lady Galadriel or my mother," she stated.

"I can clearly see that," Haldir replied. Elanor could not help but glance at him out of the corner of her eye. "You wish to fight, do you not?"

Her eyes widened as she turned to him, curious as to how he could know such a thing. They had just met and he knew nothing about her.

"I can see it in your eyes, Elanor," he said, a smile still on his lips. She sighed, and turned back to the fight.

"My father finds it unbecoming of someone of my stature," she said. "Sindarin are meant to lead."

"But the King fights, does he not?" Haldir asked.

"Of course he has, but Ada will not listen to reason when it comes to me," she said. "I have to sneak in the occasional lesson with Legolas if I wish to learn."

"The prince?" Haldir asked. Elanor nodded, though she could not help the longing that coursed through her. She wished to learn how to move as the two elves were now doing across the field. "Perhaps while you are here, my brothers and I can show you a few things." Elanor turned to him, her eyes wide. He motioned to the two elves sparring. "Orophin and Rumil." A brilliant smile lit up her face.

"You would do that?" she asked eagerly. He smiled and nodded. "I feel we are meant to be great friends, Haldir…"

Further forward the memories continued. Through all the times he talked sense into her. Was gentle with her. Patient. Kind. He never pushed her more than she could handle. Never pushed her to speak about things that troubled her until she was ready, though there were times when he understood that she needed to speak of such things though she thought she had not the strength.

Throughout everything, he had been her rock and her strength. How could she possibly make it through these times without him? Without his calm presence? While she knew that he needed to go to Lothlorien to heal, she still wished he were here to help guide her.

How could she lead anyone, even as small a force as they currently had? She needed Haldir.

Elanor stood on the balcony, pulling her shawl around her. It had been days since Haldir had poured out her wine and ordered the servants to not bring her more. She had been tempted to sneak down to the wine cellar to retrieve it herself, but knew that Haldir would find out in some way.

Even though he did not speak, she could sense his presence behind her.

"I do not wish to speak on it," she said, her voice clipped.

"But you should," he replied softly, stepping out onto the balcony behind her. She turned to face him, noticing that he was unable to mask his shock at her appearance. For the last few days she could not sleep, lost in the throws of nightmares. She had refused to see anyone, to eat properly. Haldir sighed and shook his head. "How long since you have slept?"

"Days," she replied dully.

"Why will you not tell me?" he asked softly.

"I do not wish to speak of it with anyone," Elanor replied, turning back to look across the city.

"I assure you, you can trust me," he continued. Elanor closed her eyes, feeling the tears welling up.

"The shame is too much to bear," she whispered.

Haldir did not speak nor move. She could feel him still behind her, so knew that he had not left. It seemed that he would stand and wait until she finally spoke to him. Perhaps if she finally did, he would leave her in peace.

"It was my fault," she said. "I was too rash. I did not follow my leader's commands." She winced, Legolas' face appearing before her in her mind. The anger blazing in his eyes. "And because of that, a friend lost his life."

"That is the way of life when you are on the guard. At times, you lose-"

"Save me the platitudes," she said, her body stiffening. Haldir was silent a few moments. She then heard him take a few steps towards her.

"You cannot blame yourself for what happens in the heat of battle," he said. Elanor whirled around, her blue eyes alight with a fire he knew all too well.

"You were not there. You know nothing!" she hissed.

"But I have been marchwarden for many-"

"YOU KNOW NOTHING!" she shrieked, stepping to him and beginning to pound her small hands against his chest as her anger overtook her. "YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT I AM FEELING!"

Haldir did not move to deflect her blows, instead allowing her to continue hitting him, until finally her energy was spent and instead she leaned her forehead against his chest, sobbing as exhaustion overtook her. Only then did Haldir reach up and wrap his arms around her, allowing her to continue crying. After some time, he felt her legs begin to buckle and held her up, leading her to a chair and sitting her down.

She immediately covered her face with her hands, unwilling to look at him. She was sure that she was a wreck at the moment, and she did not wish for him to see her like this. But yet, she could not stop the tears as they flowed.

"Elanor… please… look at me."

Taking a deep breath, she finally looked up, meeting his grey eyes and nearly gasping at the depth of emotion there. She could not understand why he was here. True, they had long been friends and she had long confided in him, almost as much as Legolas. But she could not understand why he would do such a thing when she was being so wretched to him.

"Why?" she asked. It was the only word that she could manage to get passed her lips. Was this her great-aunt's doing? Had Galadriel tasked him with this?

"You know this, Elanor. It pains me to see you in such distress. Not if there is something I can do to help," he said softly, his eyes not leaving hers. "You carry a darkness in you and I do not wish to see it consume you."

Elanor could not speak, only stare at him. She could clearly see the sincerity in his eyes. That Haldir did not wish to see her fall into the dark pit of her own doing. And she knew that even if she fought it, he would not so easily let her go.

Something inside her finally gave just a little. She took a deep breath and looked down at her hands.

"His name… his name was Fenris… it was to be just like any other patrol, but… it was not…"

"Oh, my apologies. I did not know this space was occupied."

Elanor looked over, seeing a human woman with long, blonde hair already turning to leave. Elanor recognized her from just after the battle. When the women and children had emerged from the cave, she had embraced Aragorn. Seemed to be familiar with him.

"It is fine," she called out, as she wiped her cheeks, unsure of why she should say such a thing. She had been seeking refuge from the others, but there was something in her that wanted company - company other than Legolas or the other elves. Perhaps the company of another woman. The woman turned slowly, facing her.

"You are the captain of the elves," she said, her voice full of awe. "I heard there was a woman now leading them." Elanor nodded and looked back out to the landscape.

"Yes, now that our previous captain has been gravely injured," she said. "He will continue on to Lothlorien while I will remain here to lead our company." She winced slightly, her concern building for Haldir.

"I am so sorry. You must be so worried," the woman replied softly. Elanor looked over at her, finding she was sincere. "I am Eowyn, niece of the king."

"Elanor of Mirkwood and Lothlorien."

The two fell into silence as Elanor looked back over the land. Eowyn kept her distance, though after some time, Elanor noticed she had taken a few steps towards her.

"Is it true that the elves allow their women to fight alongside their men?" she asked cautiously. Elanor raised her eyebrows at the question, finding it slightly odd. But she nodded.

"As you can see," she replied, motioning to her sword on her hip and her bow and quiver on her back. Eowyn nodded and looked away.

"My apologies if I interrupted your thoughts," she said, appearing as though she would leave again. For whatever reason, Elanor found comfort in her presence. Perhaps it was speaking to another woman, or what have you, but she wanted to speak more. She could sense something in Eowyn, a strength and fire much like her own.

"I welcome the company," she said, causing Eowyn to stop as she turned away. "It helps to quiet the turmoil in my mind." Eowyn nodded.

"Are you close? You and your captain? I assume that is for whom you are shedding tears," she said softly.

"We are," Elanor confessed, her brow furrowed.

"Is he your intended?" Eowyn then asked. Elanor felt a flush enter her cheeks.

"No, he is not. But he is a very dear friend and I worry for his safety as he returns to our homeland," she said. The two women fell silent a few moments.

"It must be comforting to have one of your own here with you. There is another here from the Greenwood, is there not? Are you familiar?" Eowyn continued. Elanor stiffened slightly, remembering the promise she had made to Haldir.

"Yes, we are. And… it is… in some ways," she said carefully. Eowyn stared at her and for a moment, Elanor felt as though the woman could see straight to her soul. "We were once close, the prince and I. However, our friendship is… tenuous… complicated."

"Whatever wrongs have been committed, I find that it is helpful to reach out to others in times of strife," Eowyn then said with a wisdom far beyond her age. "To find strength in others when our own wanes."

Elanor looked away, blinking back tears.

"Perhaps," she said softly, thinking back through years.

When she had comforted Legolas when he lost his mother. Then when he had returned the favor when her own died. Perhaps it would help to ease her soul if she leaned on him now.

"For what it is worth, I am happy that you chose to stay," Eowyn said, breaking through her thoughts. Elanor looked at her, smiling slightly.

"It is the right thing to do," she found herself saying. Eowyn returned the smile.

"If you'll excuse me, there are tasks I must take care of before we ride out," Eowyn said. She bowed slightly before leaving Elanor once again alone with her thoughts. She looked back out on the mountains a few more moments, before looking down at the armour of Lothlorien that she was still wearing.

She would need strength to get through the next few days – to lead the company and face whatever was coming next. Perhaps she would start with changing into attire more comforting. Her mind made up, Elanor returned inside of the keep, heading in search of Braen, who would know the location of the pack she had brought with her.

While she was of Lothlorien through her mother, she was also an elf of Mirkwood. Perhaps it was time she finally - fully - embraced who she once was.

Sorry! Meant to get this up yesterday…

Ladyville – Guess we'll have to see…

Guest – Haha, I know, right?

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