Chapter Twenty
He wouldn't speak to her. For days after she woke up alone in her new bed, Hermione tried to find him. They needed to have a serious discussion about where they would go from there. Obviously they each made a terrible mistake on Christmas Day because they were drunk and lonely. They were hardly the first two people in existence to have done the same. It wouldn't be easy, but they could learn how to move on. Maybe they could even become close friends again. Thinking about losing Cormac's friendship filled her with such dread she could hardly breathe.
But she also knew she needed to prepare herself for the very real possibility that she would need to move out. They could be adults about the one night of passion they shouldn't have shared if, and only if, each of them were willing to behave maturely and responsibly. His running away from her and avoiding her even in the same house would need to end. If he wouldn't, she would have no choice but to move on. Life was too short and complicated enough on its own to subject herself to a toxic situation.
Frustrated by his desire to hide from her, Hermione tried to throw herself back in her research. It didn't matter if it might be weeks or months before she was able to address the Wizengamot. She wanted to be ready and she needed something to keep her mind from wandering to reminders of that night. Cormac's response only made her angry. She'd gone through too much to move backwards.
On the Friday after Christmas Hermione wasn't looking forward to the weekend. She still hadn't said a single word to her housemate since he ran out of her bedroom in the middle of the night days earlier. Sometimes she could sense he was home, but she didn't want to force her way into his bedroom just to make him talk. It seemed wrong. She could be patient for a little while longer.
All day even when she was deep in her research and able to push her thoughts away from the frustrating wizard, Hermione could feel Rose's eyes. In the morning when it first happened, she didn't think anything of it. Their jobs could be dull enough that their eyes wandered around the room just to keep from falling asleep. It was a bad look to sleep at their desk, especially when so many in the Ministry already thought their subdivision was a joke and a waste of resources. By the late afternoon as the day finally promised to come to an end, she couldn't ignore the looks any longer. Without looking up from the book she was studying, Hermione spoke.
"Is there something you would like to say, Rose?"
The younger witch sighed, but didn't immediately deny it. For a reason Hermione couldn't quite pinpoint, she was nervous where their conversation could potentially go.
"Cormac told me that…"
Hermione's stomach sank. While she knew the cousins were close, she never imagined they actually discussed their sex lives. What did Rose think of her after learning about Christmas? Did she hate Hermione too for hurting her cousin and taking advantage of him in a vulnerable state?
"…he told you about that evil cow he was married to."
Both relieved and startled by their discussion going a different way than she expected, Hermione still didn't allow herself to relax. There was reason to be nervous, her instincts all but screamed.
"Yes, he told me about her and Sofia. I had no idea. There are no words for how awful it is."
"Couldn't agree with you more. Sometimes I want to go to Barcelona, grab that bitch by the throat, and bash her head against a wall until I feel better."
Though it was a horrible image and one she never would've expected from her usually mild-mannered assistant, Hermione couldn't stop the curling of her lips into a smile.
"Your Uncle Eamon said something very similar to me the day we met."
"She made an enemy out of all of us. If she'd just been honest when she first learned she was pregnant, we could've forgiven her. To lie to Cormac and us for years? To make us all fall in love with that sweet, funny little girl only to rip her away when her secret was discovered? Unforgivable."
"I can't even imagine the pain your family has gone through."
And she really couldn't. As close as she witnessed their family to be, she had no doubt that both Sofia and Beatriz were right there in the midst of them for years. Betrayal was never easy. Considering what she would say next, Rose paused to remove a rolled parchment from her robes.
"Javier wrote me this morning and I'm lost as to what to do next."
"Javier? Cormac's ex-brother-in-law?"
She nodded, bringing even more intrigue into their conversation. A shy smile appeared on Rose's lips with a pink tinge to her cheeks.
"He and I have a history. Cormac doesn't know anything about it."
"What sort of history?"
"Let's just say that before Theo, Cormac wasn't the only reason I took so many trips to Spain. He asked me to marry him, but I was too young and not ready for that. It was tempting though. If I didn't have Theo and his sister hadn't broken Cormac's heart, I would still be tempted."
There was a flicker of sadness on Rose's features that she tried to hide. Once again Hermione realized she hardly knew her assistant at all. What other sorts of revelations would she uncover as time went on?
"Why did Javier write you?"
Rose unrolled the parchment to pull a newspaper clipping away from the letter. Sighing heavily again, she handed it to Hermione across their shared desk.
"He still cares about Cormac and hates everything that happened, but blood is everything to Javier. He's with them no matter what. If Cormac has his own contact in Spain passing him along information, which I'm sure he does, he may already know, but Javier thought he should warn me just in case he didn't. He really is a kind man. It's not his fault his sister should've been drowned as a baby before she could hurt anyone."
It was a birth announcement. One of the most beautiful women Hermione had ever seen smiled up at the camera as she held a little baby bundled tightly in a blue blanket. Her husband Carlos and daughter Sofia looked on on either side of her. She didn't need to be able to understand the Spanish language to know why Javier wanted to warn his old friend. Cormac would be devastated.
Seeing Beatriz for the first time wasn't what Hermione expected. Her curiosity about the woman who broke Cormac's heart was strong, but she'd never purposefully set out to find a picture. Maybe because she knew it would make her feel inadequate. Hermione certainly had never been what anyone might call ugly. She was simply plain, rather unremarkable really. Only when she made an effort to tame her wild hair did anyone other than Viktor even seem to notice she was a girl. As she grew older, she felt more confident in her physical appearance. Until she was tempted to compare herself to another woman.
No one would ever be able to call Beatriz plain even as a joke. She didn't know why it bothered her so much to see proof of what she'd already suspected. Of course Cormac married a beauty. It was silly to imagine otherwise. He was an attractive man with a great deal of confidence. Perhaps not as much as he used to when he was younger before his life experiences stripped away much of the arrogance he was known for, but certainly enough to still be desirable. Even though his professional Quidditch career had been very short, that usually didn't matter to prospective love interests. After his playing days were over he was fortunate enough to start a different, successful career. Getting to know him on a personal level helped her be able to look past the more shallow, superficial aspects of him to what really mattered. Perhaps that was what bothered her most. When he was ready to find another relationship again, there would be a long line of witches much prettier than she was. He was likely only interested in her because she was there.
"I don't know what to do with this, Hermione. Do I tell him or wait? I'd hate for him to find out from someone else, but I don't really want to tell him. He's going to be devastated. I think if I could keep him from ever finding out, I would."
"You've known him the longest, Rose. What would he want? If it was you, what would you want?"
Hermione was glad she could turn the question around because she didn't have the first clue what Rose should do. Part of her was afraid she might ask her to tell Cormac. How could she explain he'd been avoiding her for days? Rose would want to know details Hermione didn't want to give. She saw how much she hated Cormac's ex-wife for hurting her cousin. Would she turn her rage on Hermione if she found out she'd taken advantage of him?
"I would want to know and I wouldn't want a stranger to tell me or to read it in a newspaper."
Armed with her answer, Rose stood up and began to organize her desk to leave for the day. It only lasted a few moments, hardly long enough to stall for time to build up her courage reserves. Rose wished Hermione a good evening and a pleasant weekend on the way out the door to Cormac's office. She didn't envy her assistant the task she set before herself. No matter what mood she caught her cousin in, she was about to ruin it.
One of the reasons Hermione knew that her marriage with Ron failed was because of the lack of children. Neither of them would come right out and admit it, but it was true. Repeatedly since he asked her for a divorce she had to push down the thoughts that he was just trading her in for a non-defective model. How would she feel when she learned her ex-husband was going to be a father? She knew that while a part of her would be able to feel some happiness for him, it would shatter her into a million pieces. Perhaps that was a selfish, self-centered way to think about it. She would never admit to being perfect.
Several minutes after Rose left for the Portkey Office on Level Six, she couldn't sit still any longer. The day was all but over and there was nothing more she could see herself completing before going home. She was exhausted. All she wanted was to go home, change into comfortable clothes, and spend the evening doing absolutely nothing. The quiet voice she'd been doing a good job of ignoring in recent days chirped that she should prepare herself to be a supportive friend if Cormac needed her to be one.
No longer avoiding the lifts after some new scandal tore everyone's attention away from her love life, Hermione pressed the button to patiently wait for its arrival. When it opened, she couldn't decide if fate was smiling on her or if it was fucking with her. Cormac stood alone within, leaning against the back wall, and staring at the floor. It was the first time she'd actually seen him since they fell asleep in each other's arms. She must have gasped or made some sort of noise to catch his attention because he looked up the moment the door opened all of the way. His tired blue eyes were red and watery. Seeing her, he closed his eyes and let out a deep exhale.
"I can catch the next one."
"Just get inside, Hermione. There's no need."
After wanting to talk to him for several days, Hermione was surprised by her hesitation. Lasting only a second or two, she tapped into her own Gryffindor courage. They couldn't keep avoiding each other. Not if they ever wanted to get past their mistake and try to be friends again.
"Are you all right, Cormac?"
"No, I'm not. But I'm sure you already know that after talking to Rose."
The chill in his voice was enough to make her worry he wasn't acting like himself, but how he used his cousin's proper name was ever more disconcerting. Had he done that before where she could hear? She couldn't remember.
"I'm…"
"If you tell me you're sorry, Hermione, I'll…"
He sighed, embarrassed by his harsh tone. As upsetting as it was, Hermione tried not to take it personally. 'Hurting people hurt people' he'd said just a couple of weeks earlier. She didn't want him to have any additional reason to feel guilty later, so she said nothing more as the lift moved swiftly between levels. Sometimes silent support was the best support. When the doors opened onto the Atrium they both stepped out without speaking. Just as she was about to move towards the employee exit, Cormac turned.
"Hermione, wait…"
There was a war waging within him that his exhausted facial expressions couldn't hide. It took all of Hermione's self-control not to reach out to touch him, offer him some sort of comfort. If he pushed her away, rejected her, she wasn't sure how she would react.
"I…"
It was unlike him to be at a loss for words. Often he had too much to say. For the most part, she thought his verbosity charming and amusing. She found this change in moods to be almost frightening. Was it even possible to get back to where they'd been?
"I… I won't be home this weekend."
With no further explanation, he crossed the marble floor of the Atrium, leaving her behind standing still in shock. She wasn't sure what she'd been expecting. It was unreasonable to assume they would hash out their issues in a public forum like the Ministry. There was a better place to do that where they wouldn't be bothered or overheard, and he'd just announced he wouldn't be going there all weekend.
She didn't know where he was going. Part of her feared he was about to rush off to Spain to do something foolish or dangerous that he couldn't take back. Mostly though, she worried he was going to crawl into a bottle until he found the bottom where he wouldn't be disturbed. Recent history proved he was liable to do something he'd regret again.
All weekend she remained on edge listening for him to return home. Even though Cormac said he would be gone, Hermione wanted to be ready if he came back earlier. The time alone she'd been granted had given her ample time to think. When he returned, she would calmly inform him that she was moving out. If he protested, there might be hope. If he said nothing or worse, offered to help her pack, she knew there was no hope for their friendship. Too much of her life had already been wasted in a living situation where all parties were miserable and trapped. She wouldn't let that happen again.
Monday was the last day of the year. As she showered in her new bathroom and finished getting ready for what was sure to be a quiet day, her thoughts never strayed far from Cormac. She hoped he was all right. If anyone could understand the desire for a little peace and quiet, she could. Pushing down further thoughts that the house was spread out enough that he could've found it at home, she tried to make her final decision about going in to work or not. Most of the Ministry's workforce was still on holiday from Christmas a week earlier. No one, not even her boss Kenneth, would be upset if she chose to stay home, but after two days alone in the large, empty house, she knew she needed out.
"Did Cormac ever come home?"
The first words out of Rose's mouth were all but screamed when she crossed the threshold into their office. Usually calm and put-together, Rose appeared tired and worried. Had the poor woman spent all weekend concerned about her cousin? Just how badly had their conversation gone on Friday?
"No, he didn't. Rose, what happened when you talked to him?"
Her assistant collapses into her chair with a heavy sigh. Unshed tears filled her eyes.
"Nothing. That's just it. When I told him about the evil cow's new baby, he clenched his jaw and said nothing. Then he stood up, thanked me for telling him, and started for the door. I stopped him to try to get him to say something. He was scaring me. I told him so. He said I didn't need to worry about him and he was going to take a little trip to clear his mind. Do you think he might have a girlfriend? Some secret lover he'd go to when he was upset?"
At the exact moment Rose's worried rambling ventured to a rather uncomfortable theory, Hermione chose to take a sip from the cup of coffee she purchased in the Ministry canteen. She almost choked. How could she answer that? It wasn't really any of Rose's business and as he certainly didn't spend the weekend seeking refuge in Hermione's bed, it wasn't relevant.
"I was scared he would go to Spain, so Dad called in a favor to see the logs of all international portkeys authorized and used over the weekend. Of course it's possible he could've used an unauthorized portkey, but that would mean the end of his job if anyone found out so then Dad made some discreet inquiries with wizards he said it would be best I not meet."
"That sounds like an awful lot of trouble just to find me, Rosie."
Cormac leaned casually against the doorframe with one of his brightest smiles. Gasping, Rose rushed across the room. After a hard punch to his arm that sounded as if it really hurt, she threw both of her arms around his neck to grasp him in a tight hug. Over his cousin's back, Cormac's blue eyes sought out Hermione's. She didn't understand what he was attempting to say with the silent stare, but it was enough to know he wasn't trying to avoid her gaze. Small steps were still forward progression.
"Where did you go? I was so worried."
"Where doesn't matter, Rosie. I'm back."
A few more attempts to get more details out of Cormac were attempted, but each time he was able to deflect them. Hermione couldn't deny that she was curious as well. Maybe later when they finally had a chance to talk where neither of them ran away from the other she might get an answer.
"You're going to make this up to me, Cormac. I hardly slept all weekend. I can only imagine how worried Hermione was too."
As Rose spoke, Cormac caught Hermione's eye again. The smile slipped. He appeared ashamed. Almost as quickly as the expression appeared on his face, he replaced it with one of his bright smiles that were just a little too bright.
"All right, Rosie. I promise."
"Good. Then you and Hermione will join Theo and me tonight at the Leaky Cauldron."
New Year's Eve at the Leaky Cauldron was always a packed, festive event. Many years she'd gone with Ron to ring in the new year. Imagining going back there made her stomach swirl with nerves. She hadn't planned on doing anything that night except going to bed early. Sensing Hermione might not be as excited by the prospect of a night out, Cormac did what he could to get her out of the obligation.
"Now now, Rosie dear, you can order me about, but you can't tell Hermione where to be for New Years. That's her decision."
"Oh no, I need you both there. Since we aren't a public couple yet, it must look like we are a group of friends spending the evening together. Some of Theo's friends will be there and I don't want word to get back to his horrible father, even innocently, that he was on a date. He still has contact with an unscrupulous solicitor who could make Theo's life even more complicated. Besides, I didn't feel right about Hermione being alone for Christmas."
Both Cormac and Hermione tried not to look in the other's direction as Rose spoke. Technically, she wasn't alone, but Rose didn't need to know all of the details. Or any of them. It was a one time anomaly, never to happen again no matter how enjoyable it had been. His behavior running out in the middle of the night proved he'd felt just as guilty as she did.
"I'm not letting you be alone for New Years too, Hermione. You're coming."
As much as she wanted to argue against stepping foot outside that evening, she didn't want to go up against Rose. Especially not when it meant so much to her to have them there. After all she'd done to help Hermione since the drama of her divorce saga began, she would put aside her selfish desires for one night. It was always possible that she might even have fun.
When one was excited about an upcoming event, it was nature's cruel trick to make time appear to pass too slowly. In the opposite way, when one dreaded something that had to be done, time sped up. The workday was over before Hermione was ready. She still hadn't been able to work herself up to feel any sort of excitement about the evening's events. New Years Eve had been mostly a disappointment her entire life. Always built up with a great deal of expectation, by the time midnight rolled around, she was usually ready to be in bed and wondering why she'd even bothered to leave the safety of home.
Perhaps anticipating that they would have a more difficult time getting through the party if they spent the hours leading up to it having the conversation they would eventually need to have, Cormac all but hid in his bedroom until it was time to meet at the front door. Not that Hermione was much better. An owl had arrived earlier in the day from Winky reminding them that she would be returning from her holiday in two days. Until she was back there was no reason for the two of them to be in the kitchen at the same time. With her bedroom now on the opposite side of the long corridor from his, it was easier to avoid him than ever before. Anticipating that it would be a long, perhaps even emotional night, she tried to take a nap. It was impossible to relax.
She was almost grateful when the clock struck ten. The sooner she left the house, the sooner the night would be over and she could come back home. Cormac waited for her at the front door. It was the first time they'd been alone since the lift. Her earlier plan to announce she was planning to move out no longer seemed like a good idea. What if he thought it was what she should do? If he called her bluff, she knew she would be devastated. Maybe it would best to wait to have that talk later.
"You look lovely, Hermione."
"Thank you."
The way his eyes raked over her entire frame had an entirely different meaning after the events Christmas night. Flashes of quite pleasant memories before she woke up alone couldn't seem to leave her mind. Randomly throughout the previous week, she'd played those hours over and over again in her head. Remembering herself and the promise she made to herself to be an adult, she cleared her throat.
Rose and Theo were waiting for them outside of the Leaky Cauldron. Already the sounds of the party inside spilled out onto the street. Hermione began to second-guess her decision not to argue with Rose about going. She wasn't in the mood.
Somehow they were able to find an empty table for the four of them inside, but it was difficult. People were crammed in so tightly it was hard to move around. Everyone was in such a good mood that it made Hermione feel even more self-conscious about her desire to be home. At their table they were forced to sit so close to each other that she felt like she was practically in Cormac's lap. It was uncomfortable to say the least. She couldn't stop thinking about what they were doing just a week earlier. Was he plagued with the same inappropriate thoughts?
"Since I forced the two of you to come with us tonight, all drinks are on me."
"That's not necessary, Rose. I wasn't planning on drinking tonight."
"Neither do I, Rosie."
"Nonsense. It's New Years Eve. Everyone is drinking."
There was no other opportunity for either of them to dissuade Rose. She dragged Theo by the arm to the crowded bar, leaving the two of them alone. Based on the line of people waiting for drinks, every indication seemed to point to them being alone for several long minutes. Already strained and awkward, sitting in silence would only make the time pass that much more slowly. The clock on the wall above everyone's head was hardly moving as it was. Careful not to brush against him any more than absolutely necessary, Hermione pivoted in her chair enough that she could look at Cormac's face as she spoke. The level of noise in the tavern required her to lean in for him to hear.
"Which one of us should tell Rose that the way she pulls Theo around behind her and tells him what to do isn't exactly hiding the fact that they're a couple from anyone with eyes?"
Cormac snorted. Some of the heaviness in Hermione's stomach lightened. Still quite nervous how the rest of the night would go, at least it was getting a little bit easier. She smiled.
"I'm not telling, Rosie. Did you see how hard she hit me this morning in your office? It's been a long time since she was physically violent with me and I'd like to keep it that way."
"It did sound rather painful."
"Oh, it was. In my previous life, it might've been a career ending injury. Couldn't catch the quaffle with only one good arm, could I?"
Her soft chuckles brought a rather sad smile out of him. The infernal curiosity that had been the bane of her existence since birth wanted to know what was going on in his mind. Yet another time in her life she wished she'd studied to be a Legilimens.
"I'm sorry if I worried you this past weekend. I just needed… just needed to get away."
"I understand. You don't have to explain anything to me. It's your business."
"If it helps, I didn't hurt anyone. As much as I wanted to, I didn't."
"You went to Spain, didn't you?"
His cheeks reddened slightly even as he tried to smile. Hermione wasn't sure how she knew that's where he would go, but she did. Perhaps even from the moment he told her that he wouldn't be home that weekend. Rose's fears had been correct too. What could he possibly want in Spain? Nothing but pain and sadness awaited him there.
"I did. Please don't tell Rosie. She… she wouldn't understand."
"How was it even possible? Your uncle checked the portkey logs."
"Did you know that you can take a Muggle train from London into France, change trains, and go all the way to Barcelona? No magic required."
"That must have been a long journey."
"About twelve hours each way. Offered me plenty of time to think… about a lot of different things. I was much calmer by the time I arrived. I thought about looking up a few old friends, but I didn't. Just wandered around the city. Have you ever been?"
Hermione shook her head. It had always been somewhere she wanted to go, but after getting so close to Cormac, she wasn't sure she would be able to visit it and truly enjoy it. All of her thoughts would be on him and how he'd been so savagely hurt.
"Beautiful city. Full of magic. You would probably like it. It was my home for so long that I didn't expect to feel like I wasn't welcome, but I wasn't. Nothing was the same. Nothing felt the same. I've been dreaming about going home since I moved back here, but as I wandered the streets, it didn't feel like home anymore."
There was such sadness in his voice that Hermione longed to reach out to touch him, but she stopped herself for several reasons. It was hardly the place or the time. Too many eyes would be on them to make it even more uncomfortable for Cormac.
"Why did you go? You said you wanted to hurt someone. Who?"
"The only person I could've possibly hurt during that visit would've been me."
It was such an odd statement to make. Remembering both Rose's and Eamon's fears that left alone in his big, rundown house would give Cormac the opportunity to hurt himself, she tried to suppress her own fears. Usually he seemed so confident and sure of himself. Was that all just a ruse for her benefit and the benefit of all the others around him? Was there still enough pain inside him that he would do something so foolish and so final?
"Stop looking at me like that, Hermione. I didn't mean I was going to climb to the top of one of the steeples in the Sagrada Familia and throw myself to the ground. I just meant that I wanted to… I wanted to see them. Even if they didn't know I was there, I wanted to see my family. There was no possible way I could've walked away from that without being hurt."
Cormac was still in love with his ex-wife. It was so obvious. How could she not have seen it before? Suddenly Hermione felt like such a fool. There was a very valid reason why she was the only woman he'd been with since he was thrown out of his marital home. He wasn't over Beatriz. Despite how much she hurt him, he still loved her. It was no wonder he ran out of Hermione's bedroom in the middle of the night. His guilt over betraying his wife must have been strong.
"What a pleasant surprise to see you here, Hermione."
Startled out of her thoughts, she looked up to see Kenneth Towler smiling down at her. He'd taken time away from the Ministry for the holidays. She felt Cormac stiffen.
"And Cormac McLaggen! What a surprise."
Kenneth reached across the table to shake Cormac's hand. The two men knew each other from their years living in Gryffindor Tower. Behind him by only a single year, Cormac knew him well even if they weren't exactly close friends during school.
"Hello, Kenneth. I've seen you a few times from a distance at the Ministry since I moved back, but I keep mostly to Level Six."
"Oh, that's right. In the Portkey Office. I heard you're the man I need to see if I want to go abroad."
"I am if you want to get to the right destination, at any rate."
It was fascinating how quickly Cormac could change from person to person. Where he'd been so serious and open when they were alone, the moment another person joined them he was gregarious and friendly, but very, very guarded. He knew how to put on a performance. She liked him much better when he felt comfortable enough to be himself. Kenneth didn't seem to notice there was any change. He laughed at Cormac's joke.
"I hope I'm not interrupting anything. I just saw Hermione across the room and wanted to come over and wish her a happy New Year. But, I'm so sorry, Cormac. I didn't mean to push in."
"Nonsense. You're welcome to join us if you would like."
"Thank you, but I shouldn't."
"No, Kenneth, he's right. You're welcome to join us. Our other friends just left to get some drinks. Cormac and I are just making sure we don't lose the table. It's mad in here."
Hermione wasn't sure why she was going along with Cormac's invitation. One, she didn't think it was all that sincere in the first place, and two, she wanted to continue the conversation they'd been having about his impromptu trip to Spain. There would be no way to touch on that subject again without offering some explanations to Kenneth that weren't really any of his business. Thankfully, Kenneth was adept at reading unconscious body language. He knew he wasn't really welcome.
"Thank you, but I should rejoin my friends. Happy New Year, Hermione, Cormac."
"Happy New Year."
"Yes, Kenneth, happy New Year. It was great to see you again. Perhaps I'll start venturing to Level Four more frequently. We could catch up."
Alone once more, Hermione wanted to bring up Spain. There was so much more she wanted to know. Did he see his family? What was he doing all of that time he was there? He said he just wandered around the city, but was that the full truth?
"Cormac, when you…"
Her sentence was cut off by the return of Rose and Theo with their drinks. Cormac whispered in her ear that they could talk later. She hoped he meant it.
Alcohol flowed freely that night. Any time she or Cormac tried to wave off another drink, they were ignored. Hermione at least tried to pace herself by taking small sips from her glasses, but Cormac finally gave in to the freedom that he seemed to find in overindulging. She was worried about him. The amount of alcohol he consumed had gone sharply up in the previous month. Or maybe he was just no longer able to hide it as well.
Shortly before midnight, Hermione offered to be the one to order the champagne their table would be drinking when the clock struck midnight. It gave her the opportunity to step away to clear her mind. The space between Cormac and her seemed to get smaller and smaller the longer the night wore on. Or perhaps it had more to do with the alcohol. Why didn't she make a bigger fuss about staying home? She could've made it up to Rose some other way.
The crush at the bar pushed Hermione into a wizard. Embarrassed, she turned to offer an apology only to realize she was staring at her ex-husband. She hadn't even seen Ron come into the Leaky Cauldron. Glancing away just a few steps, she watched as Harry and Ginny entered the tavern with the same witch she'd seen as Ron's wedding date. Just as surprised to see her, Ron offered her an awkward smile. They hadn't spoken since the day they signed their marriage into non-existence.
"Hermione… hi."
"Hi."
The simple fact that they were both at a loss for words made Hermione's eyes tear up. How could they have gone from being able to talk for hours without ceasing to struggling with saying hello? Her stomach churned, and she regretted all of the alcohol she'd consumed.
"Happy New Year."
"Happy New Year."
Each of them blurted out the same phrase at the exact same time pulling a chuckle out of them both. There was little humor in the loss of what they had, but she could pretend for a few moments.
"We didn't expect to come here at all tonight, but Harry thought Ginny bought the champagne and Ginny thought Harry bought the champagne. Before either of them realized it, it was too late to buy any."
"It's been fun. I'm here with a few friends."
"That's… that's great."
They were soon joined by the married couple. Ron's date stayed a few steps back. Evidently she recognized Hermione and didn't want to make the moment even more awkward than it already was. That was certainly a point in her favor. Too many other women would allow their insecurities to take hold of their good sense and make a nuisance of themselves around the ex-wife. Whoever she was, she seemed to have enough confidence to let them have a private moment. Part of her hated that she was already starting to like her without even knowing her name.
Harry greeted her with a big hug. She felt guilty about all of the times she'd all but run in the other direction when she saw him coming. It was hard to know how to navigate their friendship. As they'd gotten older and the horrors of the war began to seem like a distant memory, they'd grown apart. School friends often did. It was hardly unusual. With his whole 'saving people' thing, it was even more difficult to be around him when she and Ron decided to end their marriage. He took it as a personal mission to try to get them back together no matter how many times they'd each told him it was unnecessary and unwanted. Hermione finally had to stop reading his letters. When he would drop by her office at the Ministry, much like she'd done with Arthur, she'd resorted to hiding. It was easier. She didn't have the energy to deal with any more stress. Eventually, he seemed to understand the futility of his efforts.
Friendship wasn't one-way. Both people involved had to be willing to make the effort and exert the energy to remain close. One person couldn't be expected to do it all themselves. Hermione hadn't been the best of friends. Long before her divorce even she'd isolated herself in her unhappiness. It was unreasonable to assume that anyone would want to keep trying to be her friend. She appreciated Harry's hug even if she knew that wasn't the start of a new phase of their friendship. It was all very complicated enough already. Sometimes it was best to just be polite and friendly when one's path crossed with an old friend, but move forward.
Ginny was an even more complicated friendship that she'd not nurtured as she should have before Ron asked for a divorce. Assuming that Ginny would just always be there no matter how Hermione treated her or ignored her wasn't right. Hermione knew she'd taken her ex-sister-in-law, and especially her friendship, for granted. Family meant a lot to the Weasleys. Of course Ginny would be on her brother's side. She seemed to understand better than her husband that not every friendship could or should be salvaged. Some friends lasted a lifetime, others only a season or two. She offered Hermione a warm smile, but didn't move to hug her.
"Terribly sorry, love. I didn't mean to leave you standing here alone for so long. Horribly long queue at the… thought I wasn't going to make it." Cormac sliced through the crowd to slid in next to Hermione. His arm wrapped around her shoulders and she'd never been more thankful to see someone in her life. "Oh, Potter! Weasley. Mrs. Potter. Didn't see you standing there. Happy New Year."
All three of them seemed to find Cormac's appearance strange. Ron knew they were friends, but perhaps he suspected they were more than that. She remembered how horribly jealous she'd been in sixth year when she knew she liked Ron and he couldn't stop shoving his tongue down Lavender's throat. Picking Cormac as her date for the Slug Club Christmas Party was her way of revenge. None of the other wizards in the castle, save possibly for Draco Malfoy, would've made him as annoyed. Before she could talk herself out of doing something so reckless, she put her arm around Cormac's waist.
"Darling, you were almost late. It'll be midnight soon. You can't leave me standing here alone at midnight."
Ron's eyes narrowed slightly. A slight redness appeared on his neck. She knew her ex-husband well enough to know when he was jealous or frustrated and trying his damndest to hide it. Ginny stared at them with open suspicion. Harry cleared his throat and tried not to notice anything. Though she felt Cormac's body stiffen when she touched him, he didn't give the game away. If there had been any available room in the tavern to flick a wand, the tension could've been sliced with a severing charm.
"Yes, of course. I'm very sorry. Lost track of time. Let's get our champagne and get back to the table."
Uncomfortable goodbyes were muttered all around. Cormac picked up the tray of four champagne flutes Tom handed him from behind the bar in one hand and in the other he grabbed Hermione's hand. Somehow he was able to pull her back to their table without spilling a drop. Once the four glasses had been handed out between them, they waited for the countdown that was to start any moment. Hermione leaned over to whisper in Cormac's ear.
"Thank you. I felt… I felt sort of stuck there."
"No need to mention it. You did sort of look like that. I was afraid you might start hexing bits off if I didn't intervene."
He said it with a smile that she didn't fully trust. Was he upset that she called him 'darling' and pretended to lay claim to him in front of her old friends? It was harmless really. Part of her just wanted to see Ron get a little jealous again. Maybe it would make her feel like she wasn't completely undesirable.
"Ten… Nine…Eight…"
Everyone in the Leaky Cauldron stood up from their seats to count down to midnight. Hermione was glad to see that year end. There was hope that the next would be better. Surely it couldn't get any worse.
"Four… Three… Two… One…"
Ron was watching her across the room. Trying to be subtle about it, he failed. She knew him and his mannerisms too well. Pretending to happily count down with his date, his eyes kept flicking over to where she stood next to Cormac. Was he remembering all of the past New Years Eves they'd shared together? There were quite a few delightful ones that still made her blush when the memory randomly crossed her mind.
"Happy New Year!"
Cheers erupted all around the room. Loud bangs and bright sparks were set off from many wands. Couples were kissing. Noticing Ron's open eyes still looking in her direction even as he pressed his lips against his date's, Hermione threw her arms around Cormac's neck and in front of the entire tavern gave him one passionate kiss that was sure to be whispered about the next day. Maybe Rita would even have something new and nasty to say in her dreadful column.
Lasting only a few seconds, the damage had been done. Loud wolf whistles and goodnatured teasing could be heard from all over the room. Cormac broke the kiss. There was anger in his eyes that she didn't expect. It had all been a joke. Why was he so upset? Waiting until the room's attention was focused on someone else, Cormac rushed out of the tavern without saying a single word. Hermione heard a gasp from Rose, but couldn't bear to look at her face. Was she angry too? She pushed her way through the crowd to the door he'd slammed.
He was easy to find. It was a small mercy that he didn't run away again. Only steps outside on the Muggle street, he paced the pavement taking deep breaths. His fists and his jaw were all clenched. Though she didn't think he would ever hurt her, she couldn't deny that she was scared. She didn't understand.
"Cormac?"
"Just leave me alone."
"No. What's wrong?"
"You really don't get it, do you?"
There was ice in his tone. He ceased his pacing when he reached her again. Nothing made sense. She'd played a harmless trick on him. Lots of people did that at midnight to their friends. No one took it seriously, especially not when just about everyone was intoxicated or as good as.
"You can't keep doing that, Hermione."
"I'm sorry, Cormac, but I don't…"
"You can't keep using me. It's wrong to kiss me every time you're drunk or sad or you want your ex-husband to be jealous. It's wrong."
Was that what he really believed? That she was just using him? Even the thought of it made her sad. She supposed she did use him when she was in sixth year and he was in seventh, but that was so many years ago. They weren't even the same people. He was so obnoxious back then that he likely didn't even understand that's why she asked him to the party. And then a few weeks after the horrible party when she passed him that note in the Common Room to meet her in the third floor corridor he couldn't have known that she only wanted to forget how furious Ron made her over dinner. The drunken kiss on her last birthday was mostly mutual. She might have been drunk, but so was he and he didn't exactly push her away immediately. Her spirit sank when she remembered the night of her wedding anniversary. She'd kissed him because she wanted to forget for a moment that she was alone. And Christmas… they'd both been terribly wrong that night, but she couldn't help but feel like the guilt rested mainly on her shoulders. She wasn't nearly as intoxicated that night as he was and she was the one to drag him to the bed and she was the one to take her jumper off.
"Cormac, I'm sorry."
"You can't just keep saying you're sorry. That's not what I want."
"Then what do you want?"
"I want you to decide if you want to love me…" He sighed. "…or leave me alone."
Embarrassed, he rushed away into the darkness leaving her standing alone on the pavement to digest what he'd just said. She was sure she'd never met anyone so frustrating and confusing. What did he mean? He wasn't in love with her. That was ridiculous. It was written all over his face whenever he brought up his ex-wife that he was still in love with her and probably always would be. Hermione was nothing more than a distraction who happened to live in the same house.
The door to the tavern opening made her jump. Seeing Kenneth Towler step outside with a clear expression of concern on his handsome features made her relax. She'd been afraid it was Ron or worse, Harry. After looking around the immediate area, Kenneth closed the distance between them.
"Is everything all right, Hermione? I saw you rush out after Cormac. I was worried that…. well, I don't know what I was worried about exactly. Just thought I should come check."
"Thank you, Kenneth. That's very kind. I'm fine. Cormac's just mad at me for kissing him in front of everyone." She shrugged her shoulders and tried to smile. "It was just a joke. He didn't appreciate it."
"Oh, I see. So the two of you aren't…"
"No, we're just very good friends. We're housemates too, but nothing else. I don't think I'm exactly his type."
She tried to laugh it off, but didn't think she was successful. If his heart was still fixated on the gorgeous Beatriz, she certainly couldn't compete. Very few women could. His interest in Hermione had to be related only to the law of propinquity. She was there. That didn't mean that his feelings were real.
"Are you sure you're all right, Hermione?"
"Yes, thank you. I think I'm going to go home. I'll see you Wednesday morning. Happy New Year."
A short time later as Hermione climbed into her empty bed, she was thankful that the holidays were finally over.