CHAPTER 19

"How was your weekend, Mads? Me and Severide spent ours naked in bed," asked Em, as she sat across from me with her feet up on my desk while she munched on a Twinkie.

"My weekend was...um...I think tense best describes it...and TMI, thank you very much," I said, rifling through the several intake reports on my desk.

"Tense? Why?"

"Matt was supposed to be off the entire weekend, but he came home late on Saturday and was working on the new house for most of Sunday. We barely spent any time together and when we did, he was sullen and quiet. It's been his go to demeanor since Jace has been in town. I should be used to it by now," I said.

"How's the whole thing going with Walker?"

"That's the other thing that's odd. I told Matt that Jace said he would be going back to Texas this week. I thought he'd be thrilled at the news, but he just grunted at me and said 'that's nice'. I can't figure him out sometimes," I said.

"And men have the nerve to say that women are hard to figure out. Assholes," said Em with her usual flair.

"I know Matt's nose has been out of joint since Jace came to Chicago. I get that, but I thought he'd be thrilled that Jace is leaving. It was like he was nonplussed," I said.

"Nonplussed?" asked Em.

"Indifferent...non reactionary…," I said, looking for a glimmer of recognition, but she sat there with a totally confused look on her face. "Oh my God, Em! Pickup a book once in a while! Preferably a dictionary!" I said, getting up from my chair and shoving her feet off of my desk.

"You know, Mads...Kelly said that they've been butting heads with the guys from House 22 over some jurisdiction bullshit. Maybe that's what was stuck in Casey's craw," she said, trying to rationalize my husband's behavior.

"Maybe, but he usually talks to me about that kind of thing. He barely spoke ten sentences to me all weekend."

"Do you think he's feeling neglected? You've been spending a lot of time with your former husband, so maybe your current husband is feeling left out," she said.

"My current husband? What...you think there will be a fourth?" I said, totally ignoring the fact that she made a good point.

"Think about it, Mads. You already said his nose has been out of joint and you are already well aware that Casey is the jealous type. Maybe he wants some attention to reassure him that he's still number one in your life," she said. The seriousness of her face told me that she had thought about this. More than likely, Matt had talked to Kelly about this and Kelly said something to Em. Telephone, tell a friend...or something like that.

"OK, OK...you're making some sense. But what am I supposed to do about it?" Her face turned pensive.

"Surprise him. Go see him at the firehouse. Tell him you missed him. Promise him sexual favors. Whatever it takes," she said.

"The sexual favors will have to wait until Finn is completely weaned and I'm back on the pill. He hates using condoms," I said.

"Now who's guilty of TMI? Jesus, Mads," said Em, pretending to stick her finger down her throat.

"I think you're right, Em. I'll pop over to the firehouse before I go pick up Finn at Dad's house. He loves it when I visit him at work unexpectedly. Good idea, Em! I owe you one," I said.

"Oh, you owe me a hell of a lot more than one, chick!" she replied. She was right and I hardly ever gave her credit.

"True, babes...you've saved my life in so many ways, I've lost count. Come here," I said, motioning for her to get up. I gave her a well deserved and long overdue hug. "I love you, you know," I said.

"I know...and I love you too. Now go show some love to your husband," she said.

"Thanks, babes...I will. Lock my office when you leave, will ya?" I said as I grabbed my bag and headed for the door.

As I drove to the firehouse, I became more excited at the prospect of seeing my husband. We had hardly seen each other all weekend and I missed him being home with me and Finn. I felt an insatiable need to make him feel loved and appreciated and that he stood head and shoulders above Jace Walker in my eyes. Jace was an intimidating force of nature, simply by his size alone. Even though he was a gentle giant of a man and posed no real threat to Matthew in terms of my love for him, I had to make sure that Matt knew that.

I parked the car on the street near the firehouse and saw that the overhead apparatus room doors were open as they usually were on warm summer days. I practically sprinted from my car, anxiously anticipating these next few minutes.

"Hey, Mads! What are you doing here?" said Kelly. He was seated at the table next to Squad 3 with the rest of the squad crew playing cards.

"I came to see Matt. Do you know where he is?" Kelly looked a little confused at my question.

"Casey went home a little while ago. He said he had something he had to take care of and would be back in a couple of hours," said Kelly. I thought it odd that Matthew hadn't told me about this, but then again, we weren't communicating like we normally do these days.

"Umm, okay...then I'll head home, I guess. Thanks, Kelly," I said. As I walked back to my car, I pulled out my cell phone and called Matt. It rang several times before going to voicemail. I shoved my phone in my purse without leaving a message and made the drive home. As I rounded the corner to our street, I could see Matt's truck parked in the driveway. I parked my car on the street in front of our house. The front door was partially open and the central air was pumping furiously, trying to catch up on the July heat. I closed the door behind me.

"Matthew? Where are you?" I called out. Looking around the living room, I saw Matt's shoes on the floor in front of the couch. I walked out through the dining room and into the kitchen to see a half empty bottle of wine on the counter and two wine glasses. I walked to the backdoor and peered out into the yard, but Matt wasn't there. Something about this didn't seem right and I was starting to feel panic gurgle up inside me. I hurried back through the house and up the stairs, listening for anything that would tell me where Matt might have been. When I got to the top of the stairs, I could hear the muffled sound of voices coming from our bedroom. The door was ajar, so I pushed it open.

"Matt? Are you in here?" I said, as the door swung open. I froze, unable to speak and not fully believing what I was seeing in front of me. Matt was on our bed, laying naked between the legs of a woman whose face I couldn't see. When he heard my voice, he snapped his head around to look. When he did, I could see the woman was Gabby Dawson. I felt the bile rise in my throat at the sight of the two of them.

"Oh Christ! Maddy!" said Matt. I suddenly felt like I was going to be sick. I spun around and ran into the bathroom across the hall from Finn's room and promptly vomited in the toilet. I wiped my mouth on a towel and rushed back down the stairs and out the front door. I could hear Matt shouting after me as I ran out of the house. I fumbled in my bag for my car keys, my heart pounding wildly and my stomach still churning. I jumped into the driver's seat and jammed the key in the ignition, cranking it over hard until it finally started. I threw the car into drive and sped away as fast as I could, not knowing where I was going or what I was going to do when I got there.

I drove blindly for the next hour throughout the streets of suburban Chicago. My phone must have rang twenty times and each time I picked it up, I could see that it was Matt who was calling. My head was spinning and I was driving erratically. I needed to pull over before I caused an accident, but I had no idea where I was. I slowed down, looking for a suitable place to stop. I needed to think about what I was going to do next. I finally pulled into a parking lot somewhere near Lake Michigan. I wiped my eyes and leaned my head back against the seat, taking a few deep breaths. I dug through my bag until my hand found my phone. Twenty-seven missed calls and one voicemail and they were all from Matthew. I couldn't bear to hear the sound of his voice and deleted the voicemail without listening to it. I still couldn't believe what I had witnessed. In the matter of a few fleeting seconds, my world had been flipped upside down. Without giving it a second thought, I called the only person I could think of that could help me right now. I listened as it rang a few times, before that person answered.

"Hey, Cookie...I was just thinkin' about you," he said. Upon hearing his deep, reassuring voice, the floodgates opened and I began to sob.

"Oh, Jackson, something's happened. I don't know what to do," I said through a cascade of tears that prevented me from saying anything else.

"Jesus, baby...hang on, I'll be right there. Where are you?"

"I don't know. In a parking lot somewhere near the lake. It's a marina, I think. I've been driving around for the last hour. I can't focus anymore," I said, still sobbing.

"Calm down, baby and keep your phone close. I'll find you," he said. I knew I could count on him. After all, he had found me once before and it changed my life.