Day 64
Today was going to be another hot day. The sky was clear, and the slowly rising sun was already making me sweat even though it was before noon. Rick and Shane left not long ago to drop Randall off. And now I was trying to talk to Beth again. Trying, being a keyword. The girl scowled at me all morning and then shouted a few angry curses in my way. She shouldn't even know that sort of language.
"She won't talk," I stated as I walked into the kitchen where Lori and Maggie were prepping breakfast for Beth.
"We heard. I'm sorry that she treats you like that." Maggie said with a small smile. I just shrugged it off, not like it was the first time someone spoke like this to me.
"I had worse."
Lori was cutting the chicken into portions, while the younger woman was slicing some vegetables. I picked up one of the tall glasses and poured orange juice into it.
"Did Rick say anything to you about Glenn when they got back from town?" Maggie asked, looking directly at the other woman.
"Just that it had gotten pretty bad."
"He's not the same." She looked at me now. "What happened there?"
"We were shot at," I said and put the juice on a tray. "Then, Glenn was going for a car, and one of the guys started firing in his direction. He hid behind the dumpster. Nothing weird, why?"
"He's not this same." Maggie shook her head and braced her hands on a table. "Says he froze. Blames me. Says I got inside his head."
"Idiot."
"He came back," Lori commented calmly. "That's what matters. Men have to do certain things. You know that. And they're either gonna blame the little woman as the reason they do them or the reason they don't."
"That's true. Glenn told us in the car what you said to him." I looked at the short-haired woman. "You're both young. I don't think he ever was in love, and he doesn't understand it. The immediate danger of walkers doesn't help."
"I'll tell you something." Lori moved the food onto the plate and started to wipe her hands. "What happens out there happens out there. And we- we're trying to keep it together till they get back."
"Things were good," Maggie said. "Maybe I'll-"
"He's a big boy. He makes his own choices. I mean, you- do you have anything to apologize for?" At that, Maggie shook her head and pressed her lips in a thin line. "Tell him to man up and pull himself together."
"Well, maybe without man up part, that never goes well," I added, laughing softly. I could imagine how Glenn would look like hearing those words.
"Let me just get this to Beth." Maggie grabbed a tray with food, but before she could go anywhere, Lori gently took it off her.
"You go on. I got it."
"Go see if you can find Glenn, tell him to grow some balls." I pushed her out of the house and started making myself a sandwich, thinking about upcoming months. We should look for some garage nearby, check for spare tires for the winter. If we are lucky, snow and low temperature will affect walkers. But that's something we won't know till it actually happens.
"You OK?" I asked Lori when she came back. She looked upset, even though she tried to hide it.
"Beth said it's stupid to get pregnant right now." Ah, well, she's not wrong.
"It's not that you wanted to, did you?"
"Of course not." She turned around to me, scrunching her nose.
"Exactly. Nothing you can do now," I commented and took a sip of juice. "Is it dangerous? Of course, it is. But on the other hand, if you think about it-" I looked out the window, trying to sort my thoughts. "-We saw so many walkers, and it's just Georgia. So many people, just gone. It may sound silly, but children will be what saves us."
"What you mean?"
"We can't just stop reproducing if we want the human race to survive."
Lori sighed and sat down next to me. "I can't stop thinking that maybe she's right."
"It's gonna be different. That's what's scary." I put my hand on her arm in a reassuring manner. "We will do what we have to, to protect you and baby." As I said it, I realized that it was true. It will be hard, without doctors and meds, but it was done before, right? It's just, our generation isn't used to pre-technology lives. And I also realized that I'll do what I can to make sure that they'll survive. Because I really cared for those people, something I tried to avoid from the beginning.
"Thank you." Lori gave me a sweet smile, and I could see a glimmer in her eyes as if she tried to stop the tears.
"No need. On a different note. I was thinking about self-defense lessons for all of us. What you think?"
"I don't know. A week ago, I'd tell you that we don't need it."
"And now?"
"If we ever encounter a group like Randall's, and something happens-" She shook her head and swallowed harshly. "-We can't keep counting on you and the man to protect us."
I nodded, happy that she saw the reason. "Good. I'll talk to Rick and Hershel about it. I'd also have to prep Daryl." She rose her eyebrows at that and smirked lightly.
"Why you need Dixon for it?"
"He knows how to fight. I know that Rick and Shane do too, but I'd teach you a different type of fighting. Not cop style. How to quickly disarm and neutralize your opponent, how to deal with few at the time."
"Sometimes, I forget that you were FBI." She laughed a little.
"I didn't learn all of that in Academy."
"So, you and Daryl?" I groaned at the change of subject and glanced at her. She was eating, but I could see a mischievous flicker in her eyes.
"Not you too."
"I'm just saying. You spend awful lots of time defending him and his actions. So let me tell you what I did to Maggie. He is a big boy, and he's responsible for his own behavior."
"Hm, true. But Daryl also is a person who spent most of his life hiding his emotions. He doesn't know how to process them and react to them in a- well, friendly manner. Growing up in Merle's shadow didn't help. But he is nothing like him."
Lori gave me a long stare, so I shrugged my shoulders. "I might be shit with people, but I'm still a psychologist."
The brown-haired women laughed at that and then stood up again. "I'm gonna go check if she ate anything." I nodded and focus on finishing my own food.
I wasn't lying before. I know that Daryl is a grown-ass man, hell very well-grown man. In all the right places. But he knows shit about how to behave around other people, how to react when someone depends on you.
I took my empty plate and started to clean it up when Lori came back to the kitchen. I glanced at the tray and looked at the woman next to me.
"She didn't eat anything?"
"No, poor thing." She started to empty the tray, rapidly she just ran out of the room without saying anything. I furrowed my brow and looked closely at the dish. A plate with untouched food, napkin, and a fork. Fuck. I sprinted upstairs just when Beth was handing the steak knife back to Lori. I motioned at the other woman to follow me out of the room.
"Go find Maggie or Hershel. I'll stay with her, try to talk to her again." Lori nodded and hurried down the corridor while I stepped back into the room and sat down next to the bed.
"I don't need you here." Beth's voice was quiet but firm. She already made up her mind, and it was alarming. Talking her out of suicide started to look like a long and complicated process. Something we don't really have time for.
"Yeah, well, I'm sorry, princess, but you stuck with a babysitter."
"How dare you?" She sat up, anger visible on her face. I cocked my brow at her and smirked.
"I'm not going to let you stab yourself, probably in the wrong place as well. You know why? Because we've seen enough death in the past few months. I have a sad fact for you. The world ended, but it doesn't mean that we are dead. We are alive, that matters." I looked at the young woman, sternly. "Trust me, you don't want to die. Hell, probably after the first cut, you'd be too terrified of a pain to go through with it. You just throw a typical teenage temper tantrum."
Beth screamed at that and jumped at me, but I quickly grabbed her wrists and spun her around. I fell down on a bed, her back pressed tightly to my chest, her arms crossed, still firmly in my hands. I could feel her shaking, and soft sobs started to escape her lips.
"It's OK to cry, it's alright to feel pain, deep inside you. You lost your mom." I changed my hold on her, so now my arm was pinning Beth down, and the other hand was brushing her hair softly. "But she wouldn't want you to just give up on the rest of your family. They need you. I saw how you were before the barn. You were happy, or as happy as you can be in the current circumstances. You were their light in the dark, brightening their day, just simply by smiling. You are alive, and you can't just give up."
She was still shaking in my arms when Maggie burst through the door, anger, and fear evident on her face. "What the hell, Beth?!"
I gently untangled myself from the young woman and climbed down from the bed. On my way out, I patted Maggie's shoulder and gave her a sad smile. She nodded at me, and I left. Climbing down, I could hear voices in the kitchen. Andrea and Lori both stood there having a somewhat heated discussion.
"Maggie's there now. I need to do something quickly, but I should be back in a bit. She shouldn't be left alone at all." I told them and quickly left the house.
"What ya doing?"
"Shit!" I jumped, nearly knocking off the motorcycle I was standing next to. Daryl, once again, managed to sneak up on me. "I'm going to get you a fucking bell."
"Woman, why ya searchin' my stuff?" His gravelly voice was closer to me now, and I turned around to face him. I waved my hand, showing him what I found in one of the satchels. His brows furrowed, and he started biting his thumb.
"Did you really think I won't notice that you went through my stuff?" I asked him, and he just shrugged and tried to avoid eye contact. "Look, it doesn't matter now. I need it back. But my question is, what you were planning to do with it?"
"Nothin'." My grip on the map tightened.
"You can be many things, Daryl Dixon. But you aren't a liar. So let me ask you again." I moved towards him, nearly touching him. "What did you needed it for?"
The man in front of me shifted uncomfortably and finally looked at me. I sighed as he still didn't answer.
"Fuck, I don't have time for this. Look, Daryl, I don't know what goes through your head. You are so complicated sometimes. But I'd like to think that we are friends. So please, just please, promise me you won't leave without telling me first." He clenched his jaw, and finally, after a second nodded. I smiled at that and patted his shoulder before making my way back to the house.
I wanted to ask Maggie about other towns in the area. It was not safe to come back to the one we found Hershel in. It was still possible that Randall's group stayed around, and it was not worth risking lives. I passed our camp and waved at T-Dog, watching him speak with Andrea and Glenn.
I walked back into the house just to be greeted by Lori and Maggie sitting in the kitchen. The latter was silently crying while the older woman tried to comfort her. I stood there for a second, before asking quietly, slightly scared to hear an answer.
"Who's with Beth?"
"Andrea," Lori answered, looking at me puzzled. Adrenaline started pumping in my veins, and I dropped the map on the table, shaking my head. I turned quickly towards the staircase.
"She's back at the camp." I ran up and could hear footsteps, right behind me. "Beth?"
The young girl was nowhere in her room, and Maggie made a quick way towards the bathroom. There was no reply except the sound of shattering glass from behind the closed door. The brown-haired woman started banging on the door and shouting her sister's name.
"Move." I pushed her out of the way. "Beth, move away from the door, now."
I pushed the other women out of the way and took a deep breath. Lori was looking for something to pry the door with, but there was no time. In a quick and swift motion, I kicked the door once then twice before it finally gave in. I ignored a sharp pain that spread on my side and just sighed, taking in the view in front of us. In the middle of a small room stood crying Beth, mirror behind her smashed to pieces. She was holding her wrist, and I could see blood pouring under her hand.
"I'm sorry," She said when Maggie walked inside, pulling her sister out, back to the bed.
"Lori, go find Hershel," I said and grabbed a clean towel from the cabinet.
It took a few minutes before Hershel and Patricia ran into the room and started cleaning Beth's wrist. I grabbed Maggie's arm and took her downstairs to calm down. She was shaking, but there was also a fire in her eyes. Something I saw for the first time.
"I'll kill her." She spoke in a low voice. I furrowed my brows at that and looked at her questioningly. "Andrea." Ah, yes.
"I'll help you hide her body," I stated, and Lori nodded. Yes, the blonde woman wasn't our favorite person at the moment. Hell, in the last few weeks, she wasn't in anyone's good graces.
"Speaking of a devil." I looked out the window to see what Lori was talking about, and I could feel my blood boil inside me. But that wasn't my fight, and from what I could tell, Maggie was more than ready to confront her.
We walked out to the porch when Andrea was nearly here. And she dared to look concerned.
"Where were you?" Maggie wasn't shouting, but I saw how she was clenching her fist, trying to control her emotions.
"I just heard. Is she all right?"
"She would be if you had stayed with her. Where were you?"
"How bad is she?"
"It wasn't deep," Lori answered, and Andrea nodded, smiling at us. I took a deep breath and made sure that my face is blank. The blood was pumping fast in my body; the only thing I wanted to do is to punch her in the face.
"She wants to live. She made her decision."
"She tried to kill herself." Maggie rose her voice at the other woman. But Andrea saw only what she wanted.
"No, she didn't."
"My father's stitching her wrist right now."
"She'll live." The blonde woman tried to go around and get to the house, but Maggie moved as well, stopping her. The brown-haired voice was stern and husky when she spoke again.
"Stay away from her. From both of us. Don't you dare step foot inside this house again." After that, Maggie walked back into the house, Lori following and speaking to her quietly.
I stepped down, observing the blonde woman. She was slightly taller than me, but she was the one who was intimidated as we stood just inches apart.
"I told you that you have one chance. You fucked up, again. I'm sorry you couldn't die when you wanted. But that-" I pointed back at the house. "-that was not your call. Beth isn't you. I'll give you two days to pack your stuff and decide where you go. After that, if you're not gone, I'll drag you out of this farm myself."
"You gotta be kidding me." Andrea huffed and looked at me like I'm crazy.
I cocked my head and gave her a sweet smile. "Please, try me. Give me a reason. Two days. I won't let you risk lives anymore, just because you think you know the answer to everything."
I turned to go back to the house but then stopped, looking back at her. "And if you think that, just because you're fucking Shane will change anything, then you're delusional. If you're not gone in two days, I'll make you."
It was my turn to watch the cattle when Rick finally found me. I knew that they were back. I also knew that they didn't leave Randall. The boy was back, and he knew about the farm and the Greene family. That was a game-changer, and we were all aware of it. Rick leaned on the wooden fence next to me, and for a moment, we were watching cows in peace before he started speaking.
"I heard what you said to Andrea." I ran a tongue over my teeth and smacked my lips. I had a few hours to calm down and to think about my options.
"I wasn't kidding. I know that some people won't agree and that you're the leader. But she crossed the line. Again."
"I agree." He nodded and looked me in the eyes. "That's why you're gonna be observing her. But we can't just kick her out."
"But, we can kill the boy?" At my response, Rick closed his eyes and released a long sigh. He looked tired, and I couldn't blame him. He also had bruises on his face, so did Shane actually.
"We have no choice, he's a treat."
"I know. And if it'll make it easier on you, I can do it." I shrugged, and he lifted his eyes back to mine. "But so is Andrea. I won't drive her away, but you have to make it very clear to her that she follows. That she has no right to make any decisions, especially if it'd endanger our lives."
"I already did."
"Good. But I'm not sure if it will help. The only person at the moment she looks up to is Shane. And Shane- " I laughed darkly and then pointed at his face. "-he is dangerous. To everyone except Lori and Carl. He doesn't give a shit about anyone else. You have to know it by now."
"I do. We had a chat." Rick chuckled, but quickly his face grew serious again. "I know. He's not the guy I was working with for so many years. But he has his motives."
"Rick, I respect your decisions and how you lead. I do. But don't be surprised when he'll try to kill you. Because you're in his way."
"The baby might be his." I looked away and nodded. Yes, with what I saw back at the quarry, that wasn't shocking. "But no matter what, I am the father."
"I'm just saying, be careful and watch your back."
"I'll. Thank you. I need your help with something tough. Tomorrow morning. I want you to take Daryl and interrogate Randall."
I rose my eyebrows at him and smiled. "You think that I need Daryl there?"
"No, I know you don't. Daryl can be muscles, if necessary. Plus, visually, he's more intimidating." I laughed at that and smiled.
"Yeah, I see what you mean."
"But you can tell when people are lying. So I need you there too."
"Alright. I'll tell Daryl. So he doesn't disappear for his morning hunt."