The first time Dianna felt the baby kick, she was 16 weeks pregnant. 4 months. It has been 4 months since that day. She was lucky enough to still be able to hide behind baggy shirts but she was showing enough that she couldn't hide it from herself any longer.
Dianna stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom at Lea's and ran her hands over her tiny bump. She kept trying to pretend it didn't exist and it wasn't happening but her growing stomach proved otherwise. Now there was movement and kicking.
Dianna put her shirt on and walked out of the bathroom into Lea's bedroom. The brunette was sprawled out in her back, dark hair fanned out over the pillows, completely lost in sleep. Dianna sat on the edge of the bed and looked at her girlfriend for a moment, smiling at the sight.
Every since they had returned from Paris months earlier, Lea had allowed herself to actually feel her feelings towards the blonde. After 2 months of benefits, Lea had finally asked Dianna to be her girlfriend the month prior. Lea hadn't been comfortable with the relationship going public but they were happy in their bubble. Their friends knew as well.
"Lea," Dianna whispered, gently rubbing her girlfriend's leg to wake her up. "Baby, you have to be on set in an hour. You have to get up."
"No," Lea grumbled, grabbing and pillow and burying her head.
"Come on, sleepyhead," Dianna laughed.
Lea pulled the pillow off her face and scrunched up her face in protest. "Di..."
"Okay, be late all you want, my love. I unfortunately do have to leave though. I have a doctors appointment." Dianna leaned down and kissed Lea. "I'll let you know how it goes. I have therapy later this afternoon too."
"Okay," Lea smiled sitting up and wiping her eyes, "call me before you go to therapy. I'll try to have my phone around so I can answer it or at least get a PA to."
"See you," Dianna waved and walked out the door.
The blonde drove to the doctor and was there much quicker than she had anticipated or wanted. She was almost half way done with her pregnancy and she still didn't have any desire to have the thing growing inside her.
"Ms. Agron?" The nurse called through the waiting room minutes later and Dianna followed her back. "Okay, you know the deal. Here is the gown. Panties and pants off. Drape the blanket over you. Are you okay?"
They always asked her this. The first couple times she was asked to remove clothing, she had a panic attack so badly that Naya had to come down and get her. She nodded, "I'm okay. Thank you."
"The doctor will be right in." The nurse left and Dianna began to strip. She did so as quickly as she could. She may not be panic attack bound but she certainly wasn't okay with being so vulnerable in a strange place.
"Are you ready?" The doctor asked 20 minutes later. Dianna was laying on the table. She nodded. "First I'm going to check how everything healed from the stitches, okay?" Dianna nodded again. She hated this part. The blonde winced as the doctor gently touched the areas that had been ripped and scarred. "Everything looks pretty good. There are a few scars that have faded from your last exam so they could fade completely with time. I don't see any other issues or infections. I don't think you'll need to have this checked again."
Dianna sighed in relief. She was so happy to hear that no one would be touching her down there again.
"Are you ready to take a look at the baby?" The doctor asked.
Dianna nodded slowly. She wasn't really but every appointment she tried and this one wouldn't be any different. She lifted up her shirt and flinched when the cold gel made contact with her skin. The doctor grabbed the ultrasound wand and began slowly, and carefully moving it along Dianna's tiny bump.
It was only moments before a fast heartbeat rang out through the room. "And there is the heartbeat." The doctor smiled. Dianna listened, happy to hear the noise but still not able to care as much as she should.
The doctor pointed out the head, and feet. She told her that everything looked good and the baby was measuring perfectly.
"Do you want to know the sex?" The doctor asked?
Dianna wasn't expecting this and looked up sharply at the other woman. "You can tell?"
"I can."
Dianna chewed her lip for a moment before nodding. Maybe it would help her be more connected if she could name it instead of calling it the evil being inside her.
"Congratulations, Dianna, it's a girl." The doctor smiled before printing off the sonogram pictures for her. Dianna took them in her hand and stared at them.
"It's a girl? A daughter?" Dianna asked quietly.
"Take all the time you need." The doctor smiled before walking out of the room.
Dianna sat there for what felt like hours, just staring at the photo in her hands. Her daughter. She was going to have a daughter. She didn't know how to react. She had been so terrified it would be a boy and look exactly like Jake. Now there was a higher chance of it looking more like herself. She felt so conflicted now. Who could love a child that was the result of rape? How was she going to look at her daughter everyday and know she was only here because of hatred and pain?
The vibration of her phone snapped her out of her thoughts. She grabbed it out of her purse and say Naya's name flash up. "Hey, can I call you back?" She asked. She was about to hit the end button without waiting for a response when she heard Naya's panicked voice on the other side.
"Dianna, don't hang up." Naya pleaded.
"What's wrong?" Dianna asked, her insides twisting in fear. Something was clearly very wrong.
"Jake was arrested today. For your rape." Naya told her.
Dianna dropped the phone to the floor. She could hear Naya trying to get her to answer her through the speaker but Dianna's mind was too far away.
How was this possible. No one knew it was Jake. She had made sure not to let anyone know. No one knew...except Lea.
"Oh my god," Dianna ran over to the trash can and emptied the contents of her stomach. She went from scared, to nauseous to pissed off in a matter of seconds. She grabbed her phone off the floor and quickly dialed Naya's number back.
"Di?" Naya answered quickly. "Is it true? Was it Jake?"
"Where the hell is Lea right now?" Dianna demanded. She walked through the waiting room and got into her car before Naya managed to figure out where the tiny starlet was.
"She's in her trailer." Naya answered.
"Keep her there. I'll be there in 10 mins." Dianna demanded.
—-
8 minutes later and Dianna was pulling into the lot. She waved at the guard and drove through, parking in her old spot. She slammed the car door shut and stormed through the rows of trailers until she came to the one she was looking for. She could hear the shouts of crew members trying to get her attention as she walked but she didn't care. She marched up the steps and ripped open the door. "Naya. Out."
Naya looked between the two women for a moment, clearly debating what she should do. "I think I should stay."
"You need to leave. Now." Dianna demanded again.
Naya signed and left the trailed. Dianna turned and looked and Lea for the first time since walking through the door.
"What the fuck is the matter with you?" Dianna yelled, throwing her purse down on the table. "You just couldn't help yourself, could you?"
"Di, I'm sorry," Lea started.
"No," Dianna interrupted her. "You don't get to apologize and act like this is all okay. I specifically told you not to do anything about this and you did it anyway."
"Well someone had to," Lea stood up to face the blonde. "He can't just get away with what he did to you. To us."
"Us?" Dianna asked, flabbergasted that that word had even come out of the smaller woman's mouth. "You weren't there, Lea! It was me. It was all me. You were mad at me that day. Remember?"
"I know! And I've felt like shit about it every since. Don't you think I know that if we hadn't been fighting, you wouldn't have been raped?" Lea fought back. "Don't you know how much it's killing me to know that our kid was made because of hate?"
"This isn't our kid, Lea!" Dianna snapped. "This is my daughter. Not yours."
"Daughter?" Lea's tone lightened. "It's a girl?"
"Yes, she is. And she isn't going to be around you. You're a duplicitous two faced bitch. You been back to work less than a month and you've already run to Ryan and told him everything."
"I did not!" Lea tried to reason with her. "I didn't mean to, Dianna. I swear. Jake was just there and he was smiling and being so nice and sweet and I just got so mad and I went and yelled at him."
"Great." Dianna told her, zero emotion in her voice. "Glad to see you can't control your anger. Glad to see I can't trust you. Glad to see that our relationship didn't mean anything to you."
Dianna turned to leave but Lea grabbed her arm. "Dianna, I'm sorry. Please."
"No. We're done. I'll be out of your apartment by the time you get home. Maybe next time you'll be able to keep my secrets as well as you keep your own." Dianna knew the jab at Lea not wanting anyone to know she was dating a girl was a little below the belt but she was so livid she couldn't help herself.
Dianna slammed the door behind her and saw Naya sitting in a chair right outside the trailer. "Glad to see you made it far."
"I didn't want you guys to kill each other. What happened?" Naya asked, standing up and falling into stride with her friend.
"I can't believe she got Jake arrested." Dianna told her.
"So it was Jake?" Naya asked.
Dianna nodded. "Yeah, it was. I specifically asked Lea to not tell anyone until I was ready to deal with it and she just...she didn't listen. She can't help herself."
"She loves you, Di." Naya told her.
"I know she does. But how do I trust her again after this? This is going to be all over the news by tonight. I'm going to have to go to court and relive it all. I just can't do that. I'm barely surviving as it is. It takes all my strength to get up in the morning. She just made it worse."
"You will get through this. You both will," Naya tried to tell her.
"I don't know if I will," Dianna stopped and looked at Naya, tears filling her eyes. She finally broke down into the sobs that had been threatening to break through since she found out.
Naya just held her close and rubbed her back while she cried. "It'll be okay. I'm right here."