Chapter 22

Nikolo, having fallen asleep at his desk, woke up to the sound of poorly muffled chuckles. He groaned, not wanting to deal with amused Ulrich first thing in the morning.

…

…What was Ulrich doing in his room?

Lifting up his head and looking behind him, Nikolo's eyes widened as he caught his brother reading the letter he'd written.

Well, at least that explained the chuckling.

"Damn it, Ulrich, give that back!" he yelled, leaping off his chair again, getting the paper back surprisingly easily.

"Don't worry Nicky; it's cute" Ulrich said, clearing his throat: "Dear Sasha, I'm sorry I haven't contacted you sooner. I hope you and everyone else are doing well. There are so many things I'd love to tell you, but much has to wait until we see each other again. However, I can't keep myself from telling you how well things are going with the military, for slowly but surely, I'm making this country a better, kinder place- "

"You memorized it!?" Nikolo cut him off, embarrassment dying his face redder than the roses on the uniforms of the garrison soldiers.

"Just some interesting parts" Ulrich said with a grin "Do tell if I mess up somewhere."

"-for the sake of us both." Ulrich rolled his eyes at this "My work is far from done, but I'll see you again as soon as I can. I know you're doing your best too, just like you always do. Still, I wish I could be there with you, so that we could change the world together."

At this point Ulrich couldn't keep going as he burst in to laughter.

"Change the world together? Really, Nicky? That's too cheesy even for you!" he said "You sure you won't accidentally end up killing your sweetheart to laughter?"

"…" Nikolo didn't answer, knowing that Ulrich would use whatever he said against him.

"How did it go from there again?" Ulrich wondered out loud "Something about not overworking herself…? Yeah, that's what it was. She a workaholic?"

"…Just a hard worker" Nikolo didn't know why he even bothered to answer.

"That so? Hmm, then you told her about how things have changed here, babbling about Nat and Bianca's marriages and all…" yeah, he'd done that. He'd sometimes told Sasha about his family and he knew hers, so why not? "And then you told her to pass on greetings to her family and some friends of hers. Are you in good terms with her family?"

"Sometimes I feel like I'm in better terms with her family than my own" Nikolo thought, but didn't say it out loud. It wouldn't be fair; he knew that despite their views often colliding, his family weren't bad people. Not good people the way Sasha's was either, but not bad. Just… a little arrogant? Narrow-minded? Those and a bit more "Yeah, pretty good, I suppose."

"And yet you still haven't introduced her to us" Ulrich grumbled "Hmm… and then you finished the letter with "with love, your precious Nicky.""

"I did not!" Nikolo yelled with a red face. He did not write "with love" and he would never even consider signing his letter with "Nicky."

"Well you should have" Ulrich said with a shrug "And what was up with the weird P.S. -part?"

"Just a little reminder for her" Nikolo said, unable to keep himself from snickering.

"Women don't usually like it when you comment on their eating habits, you know" his brother pointed out "" Give the cooks a break and stop raiding the pantry" Is that your roundabout way of telling her she needs to lose weight or something?"

"No, I meant it literally" Nikolo grinned at the older man's dumbfounded look "That's a troublesome hobby of hers."

"Does her family starve her or something?"

"Not at as far as I know; she's just a glutton" Nikolo told, adding fast: "And no, she's not fat."

"You sure? You haven't seen her in a while; maybe that's changed" Ulrich said with a smirk, but Nikolo just rolled his eyes. There was no way she would, not with the kind of job she had. Besides "Even if she is, that's irrelevant."

He'd fallen in love with an enemy soldier; few extra kilos wouldn't change something like that.

"You really are in love, huh" Ulrich said, but this time Nikolo didn't hear any mockery in his voice "I'll keep my mouth shut for now, but if you want to keep this as a secret for now, make sure your letter doesn't end up in the wrong hands."

Nikolo froze, realization striking him. What if Jonas read the letter just for fun? He definitely wouldn't put it past the guy.

"I can't ask him to deliver it; the risks are way too high" It was such a shame. And to think that he'd used hours last night, trying to write the perfect letter "I'm such an idiot."

XXXXX

"How long does your vacation still last?" Kaya asks as she takes a break from work with Sasha and Connie.

"Around a week, but we need enough time to get back, so we'll leave in a few days" Sasha said "And we'll visit Ragako on the way, which makes quite a detour, so we'll need to reserve enough time for it."

"That's your home town, right?" the girl asks Connie.

"Yup"

"Can I come, too?" she asks. Sasha blinks in surprise, glancing at Connie. She supposed this should be his call; it was his hometown after all.

"You shouldn't; my mom's there" Connie said "You know she's a titan, don't you?"

"Well yeah, but it's safe with you two there, isn't it?" Kaya argued "Besides, I actually do want to meet your mom."

Sasha looked at Connie as he didn't answer the girl, only to see him staring at Kaya in shock. The silence was making the brunette a bit anxious as she felt like this could go in to one of two directions: things would either go really well or really badly. When it came to his mom, Connie was often anything but rational. She feared he'd snap.

Finally, Connie grinned.

"Sure; she's going to get a good laugh out of me bringing a girl home for once" he said, making Kaya blush. Sasha snickered, but her smile faded as she realized something.

"Wait a minute" she frowned at Connie "I've gone there with you plenty of times!"

"You don't count as a girl in this context" he said, blocking the punch Sasha threw at him, having clearly expected it.

"Jerk!" Sasha said with a pout, sulking as the two laughed at her. Just why did they have to gang up on her like this?

…

She was unable to sulk for long; their laughter was infectious. She joined them.

XXXXX

"Did you eat a lemon this morning or something?" Jonas asked Nikolo as they walked down the street on their patrol "You look sour."

"…" Nikolo didn't answer, focusing on cursing his own stupidity instead. If he gave Jonas the task of delivering the letter, the guy would certainly read it. He wasn't sure if it'd be out of curiosity, wanting to get some blackmail material on him or simply to be able to laugh at him, but he would. And when he did, Nikolo would be in trouble "I can't ask him to deliver the letter, and that's that."

"Fine then, don't tell me what's wrong" Jonas said, but soon continued anyway "Did you get dumped or something?"

"No" Nikolo answered. Like he could get dumped when he hadn't even confessed.

"Just a big fight then?" the guy pressed on "Wait, do you even have a girlfriend?"

"No, I don't" he confessed with a sigh "Do you?"

"Not anymore" Jonas said with a shrug and lazy half smirk "I got dumbed yesterday."

Nikolo looked at him in surprise, both the fact that he told him and that he didn't seem bothered by the break up catching him off guard.

"What happened?" he asked "Did you cheat?"

"What? No" Jonas said, glaring at him. Nikolo supposed that the guy was a little upset.

"Sorry, no offence meant" well, maybe a little "You're just so laid back all the time that I figured you wouldn't be the type to settle down yet."

"You got me there" Jonas admitted "As for what happened, she got mad when I told her I had volunteered to go to Paradis. Couldn't understand why I'd go somewhere that had even filthier devils than the sewer rats here out of my free will. In the end she left me, claiming that she didn't want the stench of devils to spread to her too."

"…Okay" he should not say it, Nikolo knew, but he couldn't stop himself "You have a bad taste in women."

"How so?" Jonas asked, sounding curious instead of angry "She kinda had a point."

Nikolo snorted.

"She did not" as soon as he said that, Jonas gave him a weird look. Luckily, he had been able to come up with an excuse for his words, just in case he would "You're a soldier and she knew that, right? If she can't stand a man who has to deal with Eldians, she shouldn't have dated you in the first place."

For a moment, Nikolo felt like he had messed up. With that blank stare that Jonas was giving him-

"You have a point" Jonas interrupted his line of thought "Oh well, there's plenty of fish in the sea."

"You're rather optimistic"

"Nah, I'm realistic" Jonas told "There are plenty of women out there and I'm awesome; who wouldn't want me?"

Nikolo actually laughed at that.

"Enough about me though; what's up with you this morning?" Nikolo groaned; he'd hoped that Jonas would've forgotten about it.

"I'm just a little tired is all" he said, but Jonas just rolled his eyes "If you're going to lie to me, don't use the oldest excuse in the book. Nobody falls for that."

"Noted" the soldier said with a sigh "I've just been… thinking of something."

"And that is?"

…Well, he supposed he could go with some half-truths.

"There's just a few chosen words I'd like to get across to certain people" he said, intentionally making his tone sound like those words would be nothing good.

For he just got an idea.

"Then why don't you? Are they your superiors or something?" Jonas paused, suddenly stopping in his tracks as he glared at Nikolo accusingly "Wait a minute, you're not talking about me, are you?"

Nikolo snorted.

"Why would I hold back if I wanted to tell you something?" he asks "And no, they aren't above me. I just can't get a word to them is all."

"Somewhere far?" Jonas asked "Why not send a letter?"

"Point me to a mailman that makes deliveries to Paradis and sure, I'll do just that" Nikolo said with a sigh. Just as he had expected, Jonas looked at him like he had grown a second head.

"Paradis?" he asked "Why would you want to send a letter there?"

"To get a few chosen words across, like I said" Nikolo told "Now that I don't have to fear for my life or sanity for doing it."

"I thought you said it wasn't so bad?" Jonas raised an eyebrow "Were you trying to play tough or something?"

"I said that not all of them were bad" Nikolo clarified "There were some who hated my guts and weren't afraid to show it. The reason I made it out alive because the not so bad ones kept them from beating me to death."

"…Is that so" Jonas muttered "Then what's that part about them driving you insane? Psychological torture?"

Fortunately, no. He wouldn't have been surprised if it turned out Sasha and Connie didn't even know what it was. Jean probably did, and he could bet his life on Armin knowing, but fortunately he never had to confirm that himself.

"No; some of them were just really annoying. And no, they weren't doing it on purpose. They aren't smart enough for that."

"You mean some particular ones?"

"Yes"

"Are you sure some smarter one didn't make them be with you for that very purpose?"

Nikolo blinked at that, having no choice but to think about it. Was it possible?

"Absolutely; I wouldn't put it past Armin or even Jean" he realized "Jerks."

"Maybe the not so bad ones were actually worse than you thought" Jonas laughed, clapping him on the back.

"Maybe" Nikolo admitted "And that's all the more reason for me to want to get a few chosen words in."

"I'm starting to think it might be interesting to see you give them a piece of your mind" the other guy said, seeming to think of something. Nikolo supposed that any moment now- "Hey, I could deliver a letter for you!"

Inwardly, Nikolo smirked. Hook, line and sink.

XXXXX

Sasha and Connie were pretty much even when it came to speed and agility, but the woman had to admit that her companion had no trouble beating her when it came to pure strength. That's why, whenever they sparred, Connie ended up winning eventually.

"Damn it!" Sasha complained as they both blobbed down on the ground for a break "I just can't beat you these days!"

"These days? Sash, you've barely beaten me at all since we were 20!" Connie pointed out with a laugh "I think it's already pretty much set in stone that you can't beat me anymore, so get used to it."

"…At least I'm a better shot than you" Sasha defends herself with a pout, making Connie roll his eyes "Name someone who's a better shot than you."

"…" Sasha thinks about it, but can't really name anyone. Connie grins "Exactly, so that's not a fair comparison."

"Then do you know how to spell the word "comparison?"" Sasha asks, grinning mischievously as Connie looks away with an embarrassed red hue on his face "…Some people just have trouble with writing, okay? I can read just fine and what I write is understandable!"

"I know" Sasha says, but the grin doesn't leave her face "But I'm still better than you~"

"Yeah, and grammar's so important in the battle field" Connie jabs, grinning at her, but Sasha just sticks her tongue out at that. Despite their playful banter, it's peaceful. Sasha likes that. It reminds her of the old times, helps her relax.

"Sash, a question"

"Hmm?" Sasha hums, curious.

"Are you still thinking about Nikolo?"

And there goes her relaxed peace.

"Sometimes, yeah" she admitted, frowning at him "Is that a problem?"

"It's not like I have anything against him" Connie assured "But it's been almost a year and half since we've last heard of him. He might have decided to leave everything that happened behind and- "

"He hasn't" Sasha interrupts her friend firmly "He's not like that."

"Like I said, I have nothing against the guy" Connie repeated "But you gotta face the fact that, in the end, we never knew him all that well. Even if he was genuine about seeing us again when he left, being safe at home with his family and friends after nine years might've changed his mind."

Sasha wants to talk back, she really does, but doesn't find herself able to. What if Connie's right?

"No!" she tells herself. She mustn't doubt him. At the very least- "If he wants nothing to do with us, which I don't think is the case, he'll at least let us know. He'll send a letter or… or something! But he's not going to just vanish!"

"I hope you're right, I really do" Connie says "Just don't get your hopes up."

Sasha doesn't say anything anymore. She knows Connie's just trying to look after her, to protect her from disappointment, but that does little to calm her. Her peaceful day is ruined.

XXXXX

Nikolo was grinning as he got home, going straight to his desk to write a new letter, one that Jonas would deliver. He couldn't use the one he wrote before, but he'd write a new one with hidden meanings, one that wouldn't look suspicious to Jonas but would get the message across to Sasha.

"But she's not exactly the smartest person around" he reminded himself "I need to make sure that even she can get the meaning."

That was the hard part.

"Or maybe I'll just add to the end of the letter "P.S: Make sure you let Armin see this, too." He'd catch on for sure" he thought, but then paused "Hang on."

Counting with his fingers, he came to the conclusion that Armin should have about a year and a half left to live. Good, the letter would make it in time. It's not like they'd make Armin's life end before it's time, not when there was no war, right?

"I should probably include some message directly to him, too" Nikolo thought "It's not like we were close, but since it's very possible that I won't make it back in time to see him again…"

Of course, he hoped it wouldn't come to that, for it'd mean that it'd still take a long time for him to get back.

To Sasha

He started his letter, knowing that starting it with "dear" wouldn't end well, unless he managed to make it sound mocking. But now what?

I bet you're still causing trouble to people, are you not?

Yes, that'd work. It'd sound hostile to others, but with how much he'd good naturedly complained about the trouble she caused, she'd take it as a joke. Maybe not as her favored kind, but still a joke.

With me gone, I wonder who's your main victim these days. Jean? Armin? Whoever it is, try not to bite their heads off.

Was that a bit too mean? He'd have no trouble saying that to her face when she'd get the true meaning from his tone, but what if she didn't get it through the letter?

"I'll just keep writing and see how it looks. I can always leave it out of the final version" Nikolo decided.

My life has gone back to normal, but I'll try to visit Paradis again when I can, for there are a few chosen words I'd like to tell you.

Yes, that will definitely work. A little hostile at first glance, but not too much so. Even Sasha would be able to get the hidden meaning behind the words.

And to be honest, the others too, even though the last talk between you and me has been in my mind the most. Surely you remember?

XXXXX

The sun's shining brightly. As much as Sasha likes it, it's also a bother as she needs to shield her eyes from the light. But that's a minimal annoyance, one that she doesn't care about, not today. Three months ago, among the group of Marleyan soldiers that arrived, had been one that carried a letter from Nikolo. A letter that had informed her that he'd be coming back on the next ship. And that ship was coming today; she could already see it in the horizon. He was coming back; he was finally coming back! How long had it been again? Almost two years, she realizes. Two long years, but it didn't matter, for he was coming back now.

Sasha can't stay still as she waits for the ship to dock, pacing back and forth until the ship finally sails to its place and the plank is finally lowered, soldiers starting to walk down it. She waits and waits, seeing no familiar faces, but her hopes remain high, for he had promised. He'd come, she knows he will. And then, among the last handful of people walking down, there he is. Sasha recognizes him immediately; save for the bright, white uniform, he hasn't changed at all.

"Nikolo!" she calls out, only realizing after she's done so that it might cause him trouble among his fellow Marleyans. However, the man himself doesn't seem to care about that as he starts racing down the plank, joining her in no time. He was here. And now that he finally was, she had no idea what to do or say.

"You're back" well, obviously. She should say more, but she can't get the words out.

"I promised, didn't I?" he says, he smiles at her. Sasha really missed that smile.

"Jean's not here, huh" Nikolo says "And neither is Connie."

"Jean had a night shift, so he's probably still sleeping" Sasha told, sure that he would've been there otherwise "And Connie's positioned elsewhere, pretty far actually, so he couldn't come."

"Damn" Nikolo says, but then shrugs "Ah well, I'll just talk to them later, then. The important thing is that you're here; there's something I want to tell you."

Sasha can feel herself blushing, and she hopes he doesn't notice. But if he's about to tell her what she thinks he's about to tell her, then that means she doesn't have to become a stuttering mess by trying to tell him what she had in mind.

"What is it?" she asks, eager to hear.

"I wanted to give you this" he says, handing an envelope to Sasha. She takes it, really confused, but also curious.

"What is it?" she asks, noticing her name written on the back of it with Nikolo's neat handwriting.

"An invitation. I have ones for Jean and the others, too" he says "I'm inviting you all to my wedding."

Sasha's smile drops, Nikolo's words feeling like a bucket of ice-cold water had just been dumped on her. No way, there was no way, everyone said- she thought-

Sasha's eyes open like from a snap of someone's fingers and she gasps a little as she wakes up in her bed. It takes her a few seconds before she realizes that she's staring at the ceiling of her room. A dream, it had just been a dream. Nikolo wasn't back, and he wasn't getting married. It was just a stupid dream. Or, dare she say, a nightmare.

"I'm horrible" she mutters, covering her eyes with her arm. Just why would it be a nightmare if Nikolo had found someone to be happy with? She wanted him to be happy. If it was with someone else than her, then so what? The important thing was that he'd be happy, right?

…No. Of course, she wanted him to be happy, she really did, but she wanted to be happy, too. And while her life was nice, she couldn't help but think that she'd need him by her side in order to be so.

"I'm selfish" Sasha groans "Selfish and freaking spoiled!"

Despite admitting that, she'd still do her all to get what she wants, nightmares be damned.

XXXXX

Nikolo gets up early. He'd finished the letter already, but planned go through it in the morning in case he'd put in something too stupid because he was too tired. Not that he'd hand it over to Jonas yet; he had time, so he'd hold on to it a while longer in case he wanted to add or erase something from it.

To Sasha,

I bet you're still causing trouble to people, are you not? Hopefully as much as you did to me; I don't like the idea of being your only victim.

My life has gone back to normal, but I'll try to visit Paradis again when I can, for there are a few chosen words I'd like to tell you. And to be honest, the others too, even though the last talk between you and me has been in my mind the most. Surely you remember? Or perhaps you forgot, too busy thinking of the next meal you'd gulp down. I wouldn't put it past you.

How's Onyankopon doing? Put salt in that traitor's tea for me if you get the chance; everyone knows you love causing trouble like that anyway. Blame it on Connie if you don't have the guts to take the blame.

Armin is still alive if I've counted properly. Do keep that colossal annoyance from causing trouble to the rest of the world.

I'll see you again eventually, so don't choke on bread grumps in the meantime.

Nikolo

Were some parts a bit too mean? They had made jabs at each other often, but if the whole letter was full of jabs, would she get it? Or would she just take it as an intention to insult her? But if he made it too positive, too obvious, he'd get in trouble.

"But if she doesn't get it, she'll probably show it to someone else, too. Connie might be too dense, but the others should be able to read between the lines" he sighs "Unless she chooses to show it to Jean and he blows up too soon and doesn't even consider any hidden messages. Knowing him, that's perfectly possible."

Fortunately, though, he didn't need to put the letter forward just yet. He could wait a few days, just in case he came up with a better way to express things.

That or he somehow managed to get in to the next group along with Jonas. He could still try that.