A/N: Important Rucas chapter you guys won't want to miss. I spent a lot of time with this one because it is the chapter Riley confronts Lucas so let me know what you guys think after reading. Thank you, guys!
Guest: awwww thanks so much. Love you.
Hey: Isadora and Maya's friendship with Riley is the healthiest relationship on the show. They're an amazing friendship I love them. And I think it's time we all see a little bit of Riley putting her foot down for once.
Enjoy!
Chapter 16
Lose You to Love Me
ooo
The warm sun shone through the window and into Lucas' bedroom. He sleepily rubbed his eyes and sat upward, groaning at the start of a new day. After stretching out his arms and yawning, he crawled out of his bed. He could already tell that today would be slow, like all the days this past week had been.
An entire week had passed since their argument and she hadn't said a word to him. No matter his efforts, the brunette found a way to give him the cold shoulder. She refused to see him or be near him. She canceled on all their plans and rarely texted him which resulted in a very bored Lucas. Instead of following his normal routine of spending time with her at school and driving her home after, he kept to himself and contemplated ways she could forgive him.
Riley made it clear she was still upset with him and he did his best to get out of her hair, at first. He thought it would be easy but he was wrong.
Not talking to her or being near her made his day a thousand times longer than it needed to be. And no matter what he did to cope with it, his days still felt long and boring.
He sauntered into his bathroom and took a quick shower. Once he was out, he opted for Nike sweatpants and a white shirt. Aside from his days being long and boring, school was just as dreadful, especially when he didn't have Riley by his side. He knew he could've hung out with Zay and Charlie to ease his boredom, but ever since he caught Charlie spending time with Riley at his birthday party, the guy had rubbed him off the wrong way.
So he didn't talk to them. He didn't care to talk to them.
He only wanted Riley and the longer he waited to speak with her, the farther he was from fixing the rift that had been keeping her away from him. He tried talking to her at school, but she had somehow found a way to avoid him. Whenever he'd ask Maya or Isadora where she had gone off to, they'd shrug their shoulders and say they hadn't seen Riley. He knew she was going to school he just didn't know where to find her at times and it frustrated him.
So he decided to do things the old fashion way and write a letter.
He knew it would take a lot more than words to make things right, but it was a start, and he needed to start somewhere. He was sure this gesture would be enough after all Riley was a sucker for thoughtful letters.
And she loved the simplest of things.
He went to school the next day determined to give it to her, he would stop her in her tracks and ask why she'd been avoiding him, they'd argue like usual and he'd let the letter do the explaining, and soon all would be forgiven and things would go back to normal.
Except that never happened because he never got the chance to see her. He didn't want to hand Maya or Isadora the letter because they'd start to suspect something was wrong and he didn't want that. It'd only upset Riley even more if he brought her friends into it.
So the letter sat in his backpack for a few days. He carried it from beginning bell to the end of the day, refusing to leave it in his locker in case he'd run into her. Each day that went by without its delivery felt a little heavier on him, he feared that the letter would read a little less sincere and soon the gesture would turn obsolete. If he could just find her and give it to her, he could begin the long road of making amends.
So, acting on impulse - and a little bit of liquid courage - Lucas made the abrupt decision to go to her house. He knew her parents were away and he jumped at the opportunity. She could avoid him at school, but in the comfort of her home, she couldn't.
She wouldn't leave and the chances of her kicking him out were huge, but he didn't care. It was something and he was desperately willing to try.
When he knocked on her door, his anxiety running it's course, he contemplated what kind of insults she would muster to hurt his feelings. He thought he could handle them, but standing a few feet away from him showed him otherwise.
The door opened and he didn't hesitate to barge into her house. If he had waited for a second longer she would've slammed the door on his face and the trip would've been for nothing.
He turned around to look at her, she was telling him to leave her house, but he didn't care. He was only interested in her forgiveness.
He glanced up just in time to see her brown orbs stare expectantly at him. This was the moment of opportunity that he had been waiting for. This one conversation could potentially open the door to mending their relationship. He expected this to fill him with joy and reassurance, but it didn't. Instead, he found himself stumbling on his words, searching for the right way to speak to her. He wished he could hand her the letter but he forgot to bring it. He thought he could apologize to Riley without it, but he was wrong.
It wasn't as easy to do things when he really cared about the outcome.
"What are you doing here?" she asked. The sound of her voice felt so new and comforting he could practically kiss her.
"I want to apologize." In the past Lucas would get Riley to forgive him by telling her things she wanted to hear; even though he didn't really mean them. But this time he was sorry. He was sorry for getting upset with her when she didn't want to have sex and he was sorry for arguing with her after she threw him the best birthday party ever. He just didn't know how to convince her now that he really cared. "This distance thing is killing me. It's been really tough and I miss you, okay? I fucking miss you."
His words sounded like velvet. They sounded so promising yet painful and she wanted to hold him, but every time she thought about it, the picture of Zuri popped up in her head, reminding her that Lucas had done something she never thought he would. "Please, just go."
"What do you want me to say?" he asked, his eyes pleading for a chance. "I get that you're upset with me. I said some stupid things I know that, but whatever's on your mind that you're not telling me about is why you're really mad. Riley...please."
His forehead touched hers and Riley felt like caving.
"Please..."
"Lucas, you need to leave."
"I don't want to leave."
The tears in her eyes trailed down her cheeks. Everything about him at that moment screamed he was sorry, but Riley couldn't forgive him. "Leave."
"I'm sorry, okay? And I'm here to make things right between us because that's what boyfriend's do when they're sorry. When they're so in love with their girlfriend that they're not afraid to admit they're hurt and desperate for forgiveness."
She turned away from him and broke from their embrace. Lucas was sure something was bothering her. Whatever it was, it was major because the old Riley would've caved. She would've forgiven him no matter the insult he said.
"What is it?" he questioned her, "What happened? Whatever it is it's fucking our relationship Riley and I can't fix it unless you tell me."
She stared at him solemnly, the tears still in her eyes, and in that moment Lucas felt like he was looking at a stranger. Like whatever she was refusing to tell him was so severe and threatening.
"Can you just tell me what it is? I know something's bothering you and it's not fair that you're keeping it from me. I'm trying to work this out and you're not letting me. Just, please, Riley...please." Lucas said. It almost came out like a plea, he waited for a few moments but got no answer. He shook his head in frustration, starting to worry in a way he hadn't before.
A tear trailed down her cheek and she wiped it away. "Can you go? Please?"
"I don't want to leave - "
"Get out of my house," she said to him, this time her voice was firm and intentionally demanding.
"I'm not leaving - "
"Get out of my fucking house!" she exclaimed.
He slammed his hand on her desk in an agitated manner. His patience wearing thin, "You're making shit difficult! Just fucking talk to me."
"Then tell me who's Zuri!" she'd never yelled at somebody as loud as she had yelled at him. All her anger and strength had gone into those words that by the time she was done, she felt numb and dizzy; almost like she could faint. "...and tell me why she's sending you nudes."
That question had sliced through his every thought and distraction. He could physically feel his heart drop to his stomach and that's when Lucas knew how it felt to be caught. He now knew how it felt to be completely fucked and hopeless. He'd gotten away with it so many times with so many different girls that he never felt the need to worry about it, but then again...none of those girls were Riley. Cautiously, he glanced up at the brunette. Her lips were parted, as though she wanted to speak and ask another question, but couldn't find the words.
"I..." he paused, clearly stunned. He took a step back, looking guiltier than sin itself.
"Lucas..." his reaction hadn't exactly changed her mind. Everything felt like it was falling apart and she knew she would get her feelings hurt, but she needed to know. "Why did she send you those pictures?"
He was at a loss for words, Riley could tell. She'd never seen him so stunned and clearly overwhelmed with shock that the only thing he could do was stare at her.
The longer he stayed quiet, the more and more Riley believed he had done the unthinkable.
"Riley..."
"Why did she send you those pictures?" she repeated. She wished she could stop herself from crying, but she couldn't. They poured out on an endless loop she had no control over.
"How did you find out?"
She let out a sigh of helpless irritation, upset that he wouldn't answer her question. "That's not what you should be asking right now. That doesn't fucking matter. What matters is that she sent you nudes! Why did she send you her nudes?!"
"Riley...those weren't meant for me - "
"You're lying! I know what I saw, Lucas. I saw your text messages. I know that was you, they sounded just like you!"
His heart felt like it was jumping against his ribs. He'd never seen her so broken and so angry with him as a result of something he had done. The way she was staring at him, so hopelessly and lost, made him feel terrible. His next words wouldn't make him feel great either.
"It was only one picture."
His confession knocked her senseless. She felt a wave of pain flash over her and for a second she felt like falling. She looked at him with big puffy eyes. Tears were running down her cheeks and her nose was stuffed. She knew exactly where this was going and she didn't like it at all. She didn't like it in the least bit.
"Are you cheating on me?" she asked him, brokenly. The words themselves rolling off her tongue didn't feel right. She never thought she'd find herself asking this to someone, let alone Lucas.
When she looked at him, she could still remember the day he asked her out. She could still remember their one month anniversary, she could still remember their first "I love you's" and their first kiss, it was all so memorable to her.
And it had all been shattered by one thing.
By one simple nod.
In a single gesture, Lucas had confirmed a week of suspicion and pain. He confirmed the unthinkable and all Riley could feel was her heart shatter. He had cheated on her with somebody else and she was sure nothing would ever be the same between them.
"But it's not in the way you think. We never met. We only talked in person one time and you saw it, I promise you it was just meaningless pictures and text messages. I promise."
"How did it start?" she asked, wanting to know every detail. "I want to know."
He didn't want to tell her at first, but keeping all these secrets from her would do him no good. It would only make Riley hate him more than she already did. "Zuri dm'ed me. She said I was cute and that she'd seen me around school and she wanted to talk. I asked for her number and we just started texting from there. A few weeks in she said she had feelings for me and that she wanted to date me. I told her we couldn't. That's it. But Riley you need to know that it meant nothing to me. It meant nothing."
"How do I know that?"
"Because I love you - "
"If that were true then you wouldn't have done any of this! You would've told me the second she texted you!"
"I wanted to, but... but I didn't and I'm sorry."
She hadn't stared at him with such disappointment before. She never she knew she could, but after what he'd done to her she found herself doing it without a care in the world. He looked sorry, he seemed sad and terrified, but she didn't care. She was far too angry to care about his feelings. "Why did you flirt with her? Huh? Why'd you do it?"
"I don't know why I did it - "
"Yes, you do!" she yelled at him. He must've known in order to constantly do it.
He stayed quiet. He played with his fingers because he didn't know what to do. He didn't know what was okay anymore and he was scared that even a glance in her direction would make her even more upset.
"When did it start?"
"It's been a few months," he answered. Even hearing him say these things made him realize how wrong it was from the start. He was terrified by the things Riley would say to him and what this would mean for their relationship.
"A few months?" she asked him. She was hurt and it was obvious, but then again she wasn't trying to hide the fact that she was. "Did you ever send her any pictures of yourself too or...? Any nudes I don't know about?"
He nodded. He'd done it and he wasn't proud of himself.
Riley wanted to yell at him. She hated the fact that she was finding out all these things about him.
"I know how it sounds. But Riley, believe me, babe. We never did anything besides that. We never had sex, we never kissed, we never did anything as bad as that."
"You flirted with her behind my back, Lucas! And you never told me about it! That shows you were attracted to her, that you cared about her when you shouldn't - "
"I didn't care about her -" They hadn't been as close as he and Riley or he and anyone really. They'd often text each other and laugh, but he didn't care about her. He didn't care about her the way he cared for Riley.
"That's not helping," she said to him. "It makes you sound like an asshole. Don't you see that? You didn't care about her, but the second her boobs popped up that's all that mattered, right? Who cares about her feelings, she's got boobs and she's pretty, right?"
He stayed quiet. It felt common to him to be at a loss for words recently. Riley's sarcasm had touched a place he never thought about.
"I love you -" he tried.
"Stop!" she interjected. "That's not gonna help you and it's sure as hell not gonna win me back."
"But it's true!"
"Who cares if it's true!" she cried. "You cheated on me!"
"But it was just texting! It wasn't anything serious, Riley I-"
She stayed there watching him. Not only was he trying to save himself, but he wasn't understanding what he was doing wrong. The action of cheating didn't just depend on having sex or making out with somebody else, it was also about flirting or having feelings for somebody else.
"-I was going to end it," he confessed. "That's why we talked on my birthday. Remember that? When you saw us? She showed up when I told her not to and when she tried talking to me I told her it was over. I ended it because I love you, only you, and that's who I care about."
She could barely see him through her teary eyes.
"Riley..." he said gently, "Baby, please..."
"It doesn't matter whether you tried to end it or not, what matters is that you did it. And that you lied. And that you did something with somebody who wasn't me. Don't you get that?"
He nodded. "And I regret everything about it, but I promise you, on everything I love, I'm never gonna hurt you again. I fucked up and I'm not proud of it, but it's never gonna happen again. Just please forgive me."
She shook her head no. She couldn't. She thought she could, but seeing him start to cry in front of her only showed how sorry he was. And even though that was a good sign, the damage had been done. He'd cheated and she wasn't going to take him back just because he was sorry.
"You said that this had been going on for a few months, but when I saw the messages they didn't go back that far. Did you delete some?"
He dropped his shoulders, nodding once again.
"What did you delete?" she pressured.
"Pictures," he answered her, trying to be vague as possible.
"Pictures? What kind of pictures?"
"Riley, c'mon - "
"What kind of pictures?" she repeated, demandingly.
"Nudes."
"Nudes?" she inquired. She wished there was something about his story, something light and hopeful, that would cure her heartbreak, but her silence and expectant gaze urged him forward; revealing more details that strayed her farther and farther away from feeling good. "I thought she only sent one?" She met his gaze, clear emerald orbs shimmering back at her. "Why did you lie about that?"
"Because I don't want you to hate me. I fucked up, alright? I fucked up bad and I'm scared that you're gonna break up with me."
"That doesn't mean you get to lie! You fucked up, yes. You did. But this is when you own up to it, not lie about it!"
He glanced up at her, hesitation in his eyes. "Riley...I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm begging you, please forgive me. Please."
"Then why would you do this?" she asked, "If you loved me, you wouldn't have done this to me...you wouldn't..."
"No! Don't say that. I do love you. I do...I made a mistake. I..." he trailed off, unable to offer an explanation for his behavior, unable to defend himself.
"Why?!" Riley screamed, pouring all her emotions into that one word. "Why Lucas? I don't understand why you would throw our relationship away so just give me a fucking reason!"
"I don't know...I don't know why I did it. I just.."
"I don't believe you," she whispered into the air, staring despondently at his glistening eyes.
"I don't know!" he cried. "What's important is that you know I've always hated myself for it. I was getting ready to end it. I just needed more time. Know that I regret every second of it...because every picture, every text, everything about her wasn't you."
Seeing her like this broke his heart. He hated that he had been the cause of it and he wanted to comfort her, but he knew being touched by him was the last thing she wanted, "Riley...you weren't supposed to know."
"No one's ever supposed to know they're being cheated on, are they?" she snapped, pushing him away from her. "That night," she began, wiping the tears from her eyes as she turned to face him, "A few days after New Years Eve last year, you called me in the morning and we spoke in your truck. You came home that night super late and you got into an argument with your dad, do you remember that?"
He nodded.
"Where did you really go? Because you lied to me and I caught you, did you go see her?"
"I didn't," he stepped closer to her, but she didn't let him touch her. "I was at a party with Zay. He was there you can ask him he'll tell you I'm right."
"How many times, Lucas? How many girls?"
"Just one," he answered. "I promise you with all my heart there was just one. And all we ever did was sext."
"I think I got that!" she snarled.
In that moment, he began to notice that his words weren't going to be enough this time and it scared him. He wanted to hold her and prove that he was telling the truth, but Riley wasn't having it. The news and the revelation had broken the barriers that had constructed her principles. She was always a firm believer in trusting people and listening to what they had to say and forgiving them when they deserved it. But Lucas didn't think he was worthy of receiving that anymore. He had done something not even the most optimistic and brightest person could see passed. Seeing that his words weren't enough, Lucas asked, "What can I do? What can I do to make it up to you? I'll do anything."
"Lucas - "
"Riley. Please. Anything! Let me show you that I'm telling the truth. I'll call her right now and I'll tell her that it's over and that I messed up. I'll block her on everything. Riley, there's not a thing I wouldn't do. I'll do anything please."
Seeing him list all the things he was willing to do for her sparked something in Riley she never thought she'd make anybody do. In that moment, seeing him so desperate and determined made her realize one thing:
She could control him if she wanted to.
"Anything?" she asked.
"Anything," he confirmed.
"Okay," she nodded, taking a few steps back. "Break your phone."
"What?"
"You heard me."
"Y-you want me to break my phone?" Lucas questioned.
She nodded. "That's what I said, isn't it?"
"Riley, what's that going to prove?"
Had Lucas' really been lying, and he did, in fact, cheat on her, breaking his phone went to show how much he cared for her and how far he was willing to lie if it meant keeping their relationship intact. "That you mean it. That you won't cheat on me again."
"Yeah and I do mean it, but there are other ways to prove it. You can go through my phone every day, Riley. You wouldn't even need to ask and I'd give you my passwords to everything - "
She stared at him, blankly. "That's not enough."
"I'm not gonna break my phone, babe," he stood his ground.
"Then I'm sorry, but… I don't think I can do this. You should go."
He sighed, running a hand through his face clearly frustrated by the lack of ways he could prove his fidelity to her. "Please…"
She walked towards the door, "You should go before my parents get here. I would hate for them to know what you did."
"Riley, please," he begged, the lump in his throat starting to form. He began to feel his eyes water and he hated that he was getting emotional. When she passed her, he reached for her, but she disentangled herself from his grasp.
"Don't touch me!" It was silent for a moment, but she spoke again. "I want to believe that you didn't do this to me, but what you're saying is just not enough. I'm trying to believe you, Lucas, I want to believe you. You're the first guy that I've ever been in love with - "
"I love you to - "
"Then prove it! Because telling me isn't gonna be enough. In fact, you're gonna lose me if you keeping telling me you love - "
In a quick, swinging motion, Lucas threw his phone towards her wooden floor and stomped on it with his right leg. He didn't stop after the first stomp, he didn't stop until the screen had been completely shattered.
Her mouth dropped in astonishment, but quickly closed it. She never thought he'd do it. "You need to go."
"But I just - "
"Please. Lucas. Get out of my house."
His expression dropped, his shoulders falling with him. He had tried everything he could to get her to forgive him, but she was unsuccessful. Riley was too mad and too hurt to even look at him and he was only hurting himself more by asking her to. He opened the door to her room and stepped out, but not before looking at her again. She was heartbroken, he could tell and everything had been overwhelming for her.
But he needed to see her.
He just wished she hadn't looked the way she did because of him.
The door closed.
But the weird thing about it was that Lucas' absence hadn't made her feel better. If anything she felt worse. Still clutching onto everything Lucas had said, Riley's back hit the door with a hollow thump. She slid down, hardly aware of doing so, and gasped as she felt something inside her chest wrench apart. She was overwhelmed, overwhelmed with everything that had happened, and in a tremendous effort to breathe, she let out a great, strangled sob.
She sat there, shaking, trembling, hugging herself, hot tears pouring down her cheeks, willing her not to scream and get angry at everything she had found out about him. She felt like breaking everything in her room and telling her friends what she had learned, but she kept her composure. Instead, she cried, she let every tear, every sob, thought and heartbreak out.
And after ten minutes, she willed herself to keep quiet.
Truth was, during the time Riley was ignoring Lucas, she spoke with Zay to learn everything about his relationship with Zuri.
And unbeknownst to Lucas, she had already known the entire truth before asking him to explain his side of the story.
The only thing she was having trouble accepting was the fact that Lucas had told her a completely different story from that of Zay's. And knowing Lucas and his actions, Riley believed Zay's story over his. And everything he told her had been a complete lie.
ooo
Two Days Earlier
Riley rested her head on her hand and looked at the rain coming down the window, her breath fogging it up each time she released it. It was a dreary day for mid-January, and usually, Riley would spend this kind of day with Lucas, but not today.
After everything she'd been put through because of him, she couldn't bring herself to spend time with him. The mere thought of thinking about him alone broke her heart.
She turned to look at her companion, Zay, who sat beside her on the driver's seat. After countless calls and text messages, he agreed to ditch his workout to consult his grieving friend.
When he picked her up, he didn't expect to see her dressed in baggy pajamas, her hair in a messy bun with eyes swollen from the tears she shed all while being curled up in a blanket. That was when he realized something devastating happened.
She was mostly quiet for the majority of the ride which was extremely unlike her. One of the things he liked most about her personality was that she was always bubbly and quirky, but not today. In fact, it had been a few weeks since he'd last seen her act like her old self. Now, she seemed more reserved and calm. He didn't know what to say to her at first, but he was confident that the presence of comfort food would do the trick.
"You don't have to do that," Riley said after she watched him turn his right blinker on to enter an In N' Out drive-thru.
"I want to," he replied, taking a quick glimpse at the traffic behind him. "So… are you gonna tell me what's up?"
She listened to the windshield wipers brush away the pelting rain before answering him, "I found something on Lucas' phone and I need you to tell me if I'm overreacting."
Zay furrowed his brows, "What'd you find?"
Riley looked down at her hands which were folded neatly in her lap and thought. She didn't know if telling him was a good idea. She didn't want it to poison his opinion on Lucas or result in an argument between them, but she decided she would take her chances. Zay was the only person she could talk to about something like this and it pained her that she had been keeping this to herself. Maya and Isadora combined were too impulsive and overprotective and she didn't have the energy to deal with their reaction. She was sure they would act impetuously.
Which is why Zay was her best option.
"A girl named Zuri sent him nudes," she revealed. Judging from the look on his face Riley concluded that Zay already knew, and for some reason, she wasn't mad at him. "And I need to know if I can still trust him after this."
There was something about the way her words rolled out her tongue. She sounded tired and helpless and it was obvious to Zay she had spent a long time thinking about it. She was reaching out to him because she felt overwhelmed and needed guidance, which meant that anything he told her could seriously affect her relationship with Lucas.
"How long have you known?"
"I think it's about to be two weeks," she informed.
"So his birthday," he began, taking in her doleful expression. "You already knew?"
Riley nodded, "When I saw the messages I didn't have the heart to talk to him about it. So I waited, but now...I can't even talk to him."
"And Lucas… does he know that you know?"
Riley shook her head. "He doesn't. He knows something's bothering me but he doesn't know."
Zay turned to look at his steering wheel, he was surprised Riley would even talk to him about something like this, considering that Lucas was his best friend. The subject was a personal issue and he didn't know how to comfort her.
"I'm really sorry, Riley." He didn't know if this was enough, but the faint smile let him know she was grateful.
"You don't need to apologize," she mumbled, "You just need to tell me everything you know about his relationship with Zuri."
He looked at her, unsure if he should. This didn't sound like something she should be talking about with a friend, it sounded like something she should be asking her boyfriend about. "Riley...I don't think it's my place to say…"
"Please?" she begged. "You're the only person I can go to right now."
"Why not Lucas? He's your boyfriend…"
"I'm not ready to see him right now. It still hurts, Zay. Please…"
He took a deep breath. Even though seeing Riley like this made him feel sad for her, he thought about saying no. Lucas was his best friend and they were extremely close. He wouldn't be a good friend to him if he jeopardized his relationship with his girlfriend. It would only make him feel guilty about prying in on something that was personal and private, but then he remembered how genuine and kind Riley was and how many times Lucas did things like this behind her back.
It reminded him of all the times Lucas had messed things and not cared about the consequences. Lucas was reckless and careless and even though they were best friends, Zay knew he needed something like this to be his breaking point.
Riley had been the only girl he's ever cared about and he was sure something like this would make him change if Riley ever confronted him about it.
He took a deep breath, "He can't know I told you anything. He already thinks there's something lowkey going on between us, he'll only turn the tables on you if you tell him."
Riley nodded knowingly. She was glad Zay had agreed to tell her everything, it was one of the many reasons she trusted him so much.
"What do you want to know?"
She took a deep breath. She didn't know if she was prepared. She was worried there was more to the story she wasn't ready to know. She feared that knowing everything would only make her hate him, and she didn't want to. She loved Lucas too much to want to hate him.
But in order to have a clear image of where their relationship was headed, she needed to know everything. Every detail.
Taking a deep breath and wiping the tears from her eyes, she turned to Zay. "When did it start?"
"I think it started around December. Like the first week," he revealed thinking back on the day. "Yeah. It had to. He came up to me and he showed me a picture of Zuri, he said she was cute and he asked me if he should make a move."
Riley looked out the window, she did this because she already felt the need to start crying.
"I don't know what they talked about specifically, but I know that they'd send each other nudes. Lucas would show us the pictures she'd send him."
She sniffled, it felt like she was learning about a new side of Lucas she didn't know before. "Where did they meet?"
Zay shrugged, "I'm not sure. Probably school? She's a sophomore so they could've seen each other across the hall or something. I just know that the first time he ever made a move was through dm."
"Does he have feelings for her?"
"No," Zay answered, almost abruptly. "He doesn't, he's just using her."
"I just can't believe he did this. I know what he's like I know what he can do, but I never would've thought, not even in a million years, that Lucas would do something like this to me."
"He's good at hiding things from people," Zay spoke. "It's not your fault."
For the first time, Riley wasn't mad that the clouds had covered the sun. She was glad the gloomy weather aligned with her mood. "I saw them talking to each other the day of his birthday party, is that the first time that they've ever talked in person?"
Zay shook his head, "They've been to a couple of other parties too, but all they ever did was talk. I never saw them go anywhere else."
"So all those times Lucas said we couldn't hang out… he was out at parties? With her?" Riley asked, wanting clarification.
"I'm pretty sure," he said. He didn't like being the one to reveal this to all of her, he could tell it was hurting her feelings and he wished he could stop, but she wanted to know more.
"Who else knows?"
"About him and Zuri?" he asked, "Not a lot of people. He didn't really do a lot with her. They mostly texted."
She ran a hand through her hair. "What do you think I should do?"
Zay's expression changed, "Me?" he pointed at himself in disbelief.
Riley nodded, "You know him in a way that I don't. I don't know if he'll do this again, you probably do. I just need some advice on how to handle this because I'm so hurt right now I can't think."
He ran his hands down his lap, uncertain of what he should tell her. She trusted him and he could feel the pressure of that. He thought back to the Lucas he knew, he knew that underneath his protective and impulsive layer, he was a nice and fun guy. He knew Lucas since he was a kid since he started to change and act the way he did and he still saw signs of the old him in the Lucas he knew now. And that was enough for him to make a decision.
"I think you should talk to him and make a decision based on what he tells you and what you feel in the moment. I can't tell you what you should do because I don't feel what you feel, Riley. I'd be telling you to do something that you might not end up liking."
She understood what he was trying to say. In the end, what mattered was what she thought felt right.
"Did you see anything else when you read his messages?" Zay asked.
She shook her head no, "Not really. There wasn't a lot." Zay furrowed his brows for a slight second as if something wasn't adding up and Riley noticed. "What?"
"It's just… Lucas told us that Zuri wanted him to choose between her and Lia."
Riley turned to him, "Lia? Who's…? Who the fuck is that?" she asked in concern.
Zay dropped his shoulders at that moment. He realized that Riley didn't know as much as he thought she did and if that was the case there was more to the story she needed to know, more that could potentially break her heart. He selfishly hoped he didn't have to be the one to do it, but it had unfortunately fallen on him to share the unwanted news.
"Zay, who is that?" she repeated.
"That's the other girl he was talking to behind Zuri's back," he admitted.
Riley didn't know whether to cry, scream, or call Lucas and tell him she knew everything. She wanted to tell him that he was a terrible person for doing what he did, but she couldn't bring herself to pick up her phone. Instead, she tossed her head back and inhaled a quick and deep breath. "There was more than one girl?" she asked, hardly believing it herself.
He nodded, confirming what she had asked.
Riley felt herself go numb. She shook her head, not wanting to believe it, but a part of her did. With everything she had learned about Lucas in the recent week, she was having trouble doubting this one.
"In the time that we dated, how many girls did Lucas flirt with or physically hang out with knowing they could potentially hook up?" she asked, sounding slightly angry.
Zay didn't want to tell her at first, but he knew that Riley was searching for answers and at a time like this it was important she knew the truth. "At least seven."
His words hung in the air as he waited for a change in her demeanor. After what seemed an eternity she blinked rapidly shaking her head in denial.
"No. I - " she stammered trying to process the number of girls he mentioned. "Zay he loves me he said it himself there's no way he'd hurt me like this. One is already more than enough. The Lucas I know would've never done that."
He wished he could deny it and the fact that he couldn't, made him want to hurt Lucas. He hated that it had unfortunately fallen on him to share the unwanted news.
"I'm sorry, Riley."
Upon hearing that voice, the voice that seemed so utterly sincere, Riley's last bit of self-control went out the window. She let out a sob, a broken, choking sort of sound that made Zay want to hug her.
The weight of realization sent Riley's stomach into a backflip. It was the kind of backflip that was a sort of nauseated turn, something that made her want to throw up. "Zay there's no way I was this stupid," she told him through tears. The pain in her chest began to sink and Riley could physically feel her heartbreak.
"Seven?" she asked brokenly. "Who were the others?"
"I don't know them all," he informed. "I know about this girl named Vanessa. He talked to her for a while, I don't know how long, but when she found out he had a girlfriend, she tried to tell you."
Riley shook her head, disappointedly. She remembered Lucas telling her that Vanessa was a terrible person and a liar if only she knew that she was being warned.
"And the others?"
"I don't know their names, but I know that he met them at parties. He'd talk to them, he'd dance with them and then he'd disappear with them for a while."
She placed her hands on her forehead, trying to cover the tears that were trailing down her cheeks. "Did he have sex with them?"
"I don't know about that. But I know that he's done it before. It's how he'd break up with the girls he dated before you. This is the first time he kept it a secret. Are you okay?"
She wiped her eyes, "I'm not. I think I just need time to think about this. I just...seven girls?" she asked, unable to believe it. "I can't believe him."
He placed his hand on her shoulder for moral support, he knew she needed it. "I'm sorry, Riley."
"I just wish I caught onto it, you know? I basically made it easier for him to cheat on me because I never went through his things like he did to mine. I guess I should've, it would've saved me the heartbreak."
"This isn't your fault," Zay said to her. "It's not your fault he cheated. That was entirely his decision."
Riley's head tilted slightly as she thought back on their relationship. They had been through so much together, she had helped him through the most challenging things he's ever been through, and as a result, he decided to cheat on her. It pained her deeply that he had done that to her, but she was glad Zay was there to help her and tell her everything she needed.
"Can you just take me home?" the brunette asked, her glistening eyes turning to Zay.
He nodded and in a few minute's time, Zay had parked his car outside her house. They were quiet for a while, but Riley unbuckled herself and turned to look at him. She managed a tiny smile, but it didn't hold up for long. She was too sad to even try. "Thank you for telling me everything, Zay."
"No problem. I'm sorry you had to find out this way."
"Don't be," she said sniffling. "I know now that's all that matters. If I have more questions can I ask you?"
He nodded. "Yeah."
With a last reassuring smile, Riley opened the car door and stepped out. Zay watched as she walked into her apartment and for a second he contemplated telling Lucas everything he told Riley. He wanted him to have time to think of a story to tell her, but he knew Lucas' anger would only be directed at him. He'd make a mess of the entire situation and he didn't want to break Riley's trust for him.
So he kept it to himself. Lucas would have to find out on his own and he wouldn't be able to save himself from that one.
ooo
Riley Matthews sat on her bay window overlooking the New York sunset. She wondered where such serenely beautiful horizons—such rich and varied dyes–such mellowness of light—allowed her mind to wander into deep thought. She enjoyed the opportunity to disconnect from the daily stress of life and after everything she had been through, she found herself enjoying it more than before. It provided the opportunity to unplug and to get away from the overwhelming anxiety her relationship with Lucas created.
The surrounding area is chaotic, filled with impatient New Yorkers going on about their day, ready to yell at somebody for bumping into them while crossing paths. The sound of a car honking at another was just as common as two people greeting each other and exchanging a friendly hello before continuing with their day.
This allowed Riley to make a connection she hadn't before. When she was younger and would look at people from her window, she would lose herself in the thoughts she discovered while contemplating. Every single person, no matter what gender or ethnicity they were, had a story; and almost every story was uniquely different.
But the older she got, the more she realized they shared the same experience of their daily routine under the sky. Sure, everybody had some things figured out, but essentially they were all doing the same thing: trying to figure it out.
Being away from Lucas, Riley learned that life isn't so trivial, it's quite gorgeous and simplistic, but being away from him caused a bigger hole in her happiness than she expected. She missed him and she couldn't get him out of her head.
When she was younger, she was constantly bombarded with what to think and feel instead of trusting herself. The moment she finally caved, Riley allowed herself to fall in love with a guy she failed to realize wasn't good for her.
They had their excessive share in arguments and fights, but at the end of the day, Riley loved him. He was all she thought about and all she cared about and part of the reason she was watching the sunset was because of him.
For the first time in a while, Riley felt her world piecing back together, but as she watched the yellow and rose-colored clouds in the orange sky, she asked herself: is that worth it, if I can't be with Lucas?
She wanted to know if being happy without Lucas was enough for her. She contemplated it for so long.
All the thinking had actually made her acutely aware of life's beauty which is hidden during her day to day experiences. Sure, it was limited due to her life in one of the biggest cities in the country, but Riley couldn't wait to escape to nature and the open field.
She was sure life would truly reveal itself to her, in its immaculate entirety. At that moment it's as if nothing else matters besides the connection that naturally occurs, but she still couldn't get Lucas out of her head.
She wanted him there with him. It was the only way she could truly be happy.
Staring out beyond the traffic and watching the sun slowly disappear, Riley became present enough to realize one thing.
She picked up her phone and typed it's a message, quickly sending it and returning her gaze out the window.
She didn't need to wait any longer, ten minutes later Lucas would be tapping her bay window with expectant eyes, wondering why she had messaged him.
"I got your text, what's wrong?" he informed her as she let him in.
His jaw fell agape as she slumped against him, resting her head on his chest. Instinctively, he wrapped both arms around her, not wanting to question her motives. She released a light chuckle when she noticed how quickly he adapted to it. It was the closest to a comfortable silence the two had ever shared.
He caressed her head and hugged her tighter. For a second he felt like he was imagining this, it was too good to be true and he refused to let her go and that's when Riley started crying.
She missed him deeply.
She thought back to everything Lucas had done. She thought about how he lied when Riley caught him cheating, she thought back to Zay who had told her the truth and told her that Lucas had cheated on her with seven different girls in the span of their one-year relationship. She couldn't believe that the same guy she was hugging, the same guy that provided all her comfort at the moment, had been the result of something so terrible.
But she didn't have the heart to hate him for it. She didn't have the heart to hold his lies and infidelity against him.
He looked at her, wiping the tears from her eyes. "You know I don't like it when you cry."
She didn't know how much she missed his touch until then and she kissed him. She brought him closer to her and kissed his lips. Instantly he melded into the embrace and reciprocated her kiss. He seemed to be losing himself a little more with every second.
He pulled back, framing her face with his hands. For the past year each time he had taken in that colored gaze, he'd find himself stargazing. As he dove into those beautiful eyes, all he could see were golden flames dancing in those chocolate orbs. "So does this mean..." he smiled trying to catch his breath. "Does this mean we're good? We're back?"
There was something about that look that made her stomach heavier and her head lighter. She felt warm and tingly all over. A smile formed on her lips as she stood there, staring, trying to figure it out. Slowly her hands raised, her fingertips tracing the contours of his face as she attempted to puzzle it out. His expectant eyes made her smile and in that moment everything felt perfect. "We're back," she confirmed.
"Thank God," he sighed, before kissing her again.
Out of all the days in the year, this one was particularly special to her — not because of the sunset that made her aware of the simplicity and beauty of life — but because of her newfound perspective on her relationship with Lucas.
Life is both as simple and as beautiful as every sunset if people allowed it to be. And Riley had done just that, but her world had consumed so much chaos and so much dread that going back to a life without him felt abnormal.
She could tolerate some discomfort, especially if her relationship with Lucas was the cause of it.
And if it was anxiety-inducing and mentally overwhelming then so be it. If Lucas was a ticking time bomb, then she was the bomb diffuser. If Lucas was a spreading fire, then she was the firefighter that risked her life to maintain it.
She was willing to be put through all that burden if it meant she could still call Lucas hers at the end of the day.
Truth was, Riley didn't believe in anything ugly. She didn't think her relationship with Lucas was ugly and messy, the divine configuration of beauty is everywhere, she just had to focus on the best parts.
Every day she was given another opportunity to use the moments in her life to the best of her ability. And when the sun faded into the background and the moon shined her light, she had all night to reflect.
Those days would become weeks, and those weeks would become months, then months turned into years and she hoped every single second of it was spent with Lucas at her side.
She just wished this kind of thinking could last her that same amount of time.
oOoOoOoOo
A/N: Let me know what you think about this chapter. It was chaotic and long and mostly Rucas centric. I really hope this chapter highlights the frustrations of being in a toxic relationship and that you guys feel the anger, someone, from the outside, looking in would feel.
Some interesting things develop in the next chapter that you guys won't want to miss. As always let me know what you think.
Side note: So for a while now, I've been feeling a little overwhelmed with writing. Originally, I was a good month and a half ahead of you guys with my chapters which meant that the chapters I was currently writing, you guys wouldn't read for another month or so, but due to my inability to feel inspired you guys have caught up to me and I'm not as ahead as I'd like to be. So I think, starting today, there's no guarantee that I'll be posting weekly. There might be some delays, but I do intend on finishing the series. Which I'm not far from btw.
I hope you guys can understand and I'm so sorry I didn't give you guys a heads up.
But on a positive note: Follow me on Wattpad. My username is inherelement, say hello, I always respond. I'm also going to post the edited version of Dangerous Woman on there tomorrow, Wed. May 6th, 2020. I live in the U.S. so I don't know about yall's timeline. Hope you guys can, thanks so much.
Follow, Favorite, and Review