Thank you! I know I haven't been updating as frequently as I used to. Life has changed (in good ways) and it's keep me more busy. Thank you all!

Chapter 21

Once the shower water had run stark cold, John finally was able to convince Anna to bundle up in a towel and get into the bed. It was nearing midnight and tomorrow was going to be a long day. He wrapped the towel around her shaking frame and held her tightly to warm her up. Then, as though she were a rag doll, he dressed her. She didn't speak or protest him trying to help her get dressed.

At their bed, he tucked her in before getting in himself. Pulling her toward him, he began to rub her back lovingly, hoping that he could soothe her enough to fall asleep.

When he awoke the next morning, his cheeks were wet with tears. Reaching his hand up to wipe away the wetness, he realized the weight from Anna was gone. He turned and saw she was missing. It was six-forty five in the morning. Their appointment was at eight-thirty, which gave them time to drop Luke off for school.

John jumped out of bed and began to search for his wife. She was nowhere to be seen. But on the kitchen counter there were wrapped presents sitting out for Luke. Originally, the plan had been to give him his presents in the evening at the arcade. It had been Luke's request for dinner. His actual party was in two days. At some point, Anna must have wrapped his gifts for Luke, knowing the evening wasn't going to go as planned.

He heard loud footsteps coming down the stairs and turned to find Luke at the bottom.

"Happy birthday, Luke!" John exclaimed, masking his pain.

"I'm nine today," Luke reminded him.

"I know."

Luke stepped into the kitchen and eyed the presents.

"Are these for me?"

"Who else would they be for?"

"Where's Anna?"

John sighed and licked his bottom lip nervously. He wasn't sure what he was going to tell his son. Eventually, he knew he would need to tell him the truth, but not right now and especially not on his birthday. Before he had to come up with an excuse, Anna walked in from the garage holding a box of doughnuts. Luke brightly smiled.

"Doughnuts!"

"Isn't that what you wanted for your breakfast?" Anna asked. She set the box down on the island and lifted the top for him. "I was there when they opened for the freshest batch."

"Thanks, Anna!" Luke said, before grabbing out a doughnut.

"Why don't you go ahead and open your presents," Anna suggested. Despite her calm demeanor, John could tell she was cracking among the seams. He reached out to touch her shoulder, but Anna avoided his touch. It was a subtle avoidance, but John didn't miss it. He frowned briefly, before shaking his head and focusing back to Luke.

Luke grabbed the larger of the three presents and quickly unwrapped it, surprised to find a Nintendo Switch inside.

"You told me I couldn't have one until I was older," Luke said, grinning.

"You are older," Anna said, her lips pushing up a crooked smile.

"We discussed it. You work hard. You deserved it," John replied.

"Thanks!" Luke placed the gift down and went to hug both John and Anna. As he hugged Anna, John watched as her eyes filled with tears and she held him a little tighter. But as Luke sat up, Anna smiled at him and reached up to cup his cheek.

"You're welcome. Open your other gifts. It's almost time to leave for school."

Luke grabbed a second doughnut and then opened his last two gifts, which were two new games for his gaming system. He thanked them again and grabbed a third doughnut.

"Anna, aren't you going to eat one?" Anna's head just shook.

"Not right now, maybe later."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

After they dropped Luke off at school, John reached his hand across the console to take Anna's within his own. But once again, she dodged his efforts to touch her.

"I can't," Anna whispered, "Not right now. If…if you try to comfort me, I'll break down. And I can't….I can't do that right now."

"Alright," John murmured. "I was thinking I would call Judy after your procedure and see if she could pick up Luke from school and keep him at her house tonight." Anna shook her head.

"No," she strongly said. "It's Luke's birthday. You promised you would take him to the arcade for dinner and games."

"Anna, he has his new gaming system. I'm sure he'll…."

"No, John. Sybil said I'll sleep all day after the procedure. You should spend the afternoon and evening with Luke. I won't ruin his birthday. And I plan on going to his party on Saturday."

"But Anna….."

"Please, John, don't make me ruin Luke's birthday," Anna pleaded.

"You wouldn't be ruining his birthday."

"I want you both to go to the arcade tonight," Anna stated.

"Alright," John finally acquiesced. "If that's what you want."

"I do."

They pulled up to Sybil's practice and John heard Anna inhale sharply. He turned to look at her and her lower lip had begun to tremble. Before he could say anything, Anna stepped out of the car, with her arms wrapped firmly around her chest. Anna's entire frame was shaking. John watched as tried to keep from sobbing.

As he stepped closer to her, Anna turned to meet his eyes. John swallowed hard. Staring back at him was complete heartbreak.

"After this, I won't be pregnant anymore," Anna muttered, her words tight. John reached out and thankfully Anna allowed him to draw her near. He tucked her head beneath his chin and just held her tightly.

"The baby is already gone," John logically told her, trying to keep his own voice from shaking. Anna didn't respond, she only pressed her head more firmly against him. She remained that way for only a few moments, before standing back up and pushing her hair off her face.

"I'm ready."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

"Here," John gently said, handing Anna a pain pill and a pill to help her sleep. Anna took the pills from his hand. She brought the glass of water to her lips, taking a small sip, adding the pills, and then quickly swallowing them down. "Do you need anything else?"

Anna's head shook. Her eyes fell to the clock on the bedside table. In one hour, John would have to go and pick up Luke from school.

"Will….will you hold me?"

John was so glad she asked. He slid into the bed next to her and gathered her up into his arms. Tears prickled behind his eyes and he worried he wouldn't' be able to hold it together long enough for his wife. But the pill worked quickly and soon, Anna was in a deep sleep.

Before the surgery, Anna had confided to John that she had not slept a wink the night before. So he guessed that also helped her fall asleep so quickly. He ran his fingers absentmindedly up and down her upper arm, as silent tears slid down his cheeks. There had been so much hope just twenty-four hours before now. A sigh left his lips and he carefully moved Anna onto her pillow. Then he pulled up the covers and bent down to kiss her cheek.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

When Anna woke up, the sky was pink as the sun began to set for the say. She slowly sat up and rubbed her eyes, still tired. But she was also hungry. The last time she ate was the night before and even then, it had been a small bag of crackers, nothing filling. Her stomach growled and Anna unwillingly got out of her bed.

Stepping down the stairs, she heard soft sounds coming from the television. Her ears perked up. John should still be at the arcade with Luke. Turning the corner, Anna was surprised to find Mary sitting on her couch, leafing through a magazine, with the television on.

Upon hearing Anna enter the room, Mary glanced up and gave her friend a small smile.

"Anna," Mary said.

"What are you doing here?" Anna questioned, but trying not to sound rude.

"Bates asked me to come by. He said he didn't want you here alone," Mary explained. Anna nodded her head. She didn't know what to say. She didn't have enough energy to entertain her friend right now. "Do you need help with anything?"

At that, Anna shook her head. She just gave a quick nod and turned, heading into the kitchen to find something to eat. On the kitchen table, the box of doughnuts were still sitting there. Anna pulled the box closer to her and was glad to see there were still a few inside of the box. Taking out one, Anna took a large bite. She heard steps behind her and turned.

"Sorry," Mary began. "I just….." Mary paused. "I'm sorry, I'm not quite sure what I should be doing."

"You don't have to do anything," Anna honestly told her.

"You can cry on my shoulder, if you'd like," Mary said. Anna gave a soft chuckle.

"No, thank you. I think for right now I am going to eat the rest of these sugary doughnuts and watch something ridiculous on television. Will you join me?"

"Absolutely."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Late that night, as John made himself comfortable in their bed, Anna rested her head onto his chest.

"Did the two of you have fun?"

"We did," John answered. "Luke won a lot of tickets. He ended up giving them to some other children."

"That was sweet of him. He's a good kid."

"He is," John agreed. Anna shifted so she could meet John's eyes. She chewed anxiously on her lower lip. Seeing her distress, John reached out and cupped her cheek. Anna turned her head into his hand and blinked harshly.

"I want to try again," Anna strongly stated. "I want us to try for a baby again."

"I want that too, Anna," John replied. "But I don't…."

"Let's try for six months and then go to Sybil if I can't get pregnant again. Then after that…..after we try what she suggests, that will be it."

"It?" John questioned. Anna swallowed hard.

"If we can't get pregnant again or I lose another baby, I'm done."

"Anna, isn't it a little early to make such a big choice? You may…."

"No," Anna firmly said. She bit into her lower lip and John's finger ran along her cheek.

"Alright, whatever you want, my darling. We will do whatever you want," John assured her. He didn't know what else he could do or say at this moment. So instead, he just drew her close and kissed the top of her head. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

The next six months went by quickly and slowly at the same time. Every month passed with another negative test and Anna withdrew more and more. Her happy façade only came out when Luke was around, but even he could see past it. It worried John. And he had no way of helping Anna.

Their sex life was no longer enjoyable. It was based around charts and temperatures. Anna would focus on all of the mechanics and neither were ever really satisfied when it was over.

Today, they were sitting in Sybil's office. For weeks, she and Anna had been discussing Anna's troubles. Sybil was, thankfully, very positive. She had a bright smile on her face and was ready to help them with their next steps.

"I'd like to try clomid," Sybil began. "It helps to stimulate ovulation. It can up your chances of having twins slightly."

"That's alright," Anna quickly replied. John tightened his hands against his knees, but didn't say a word. The idea of having two babies at once was slightly frightening. He was close to turning 47. If he had babies within the next year, he would be 65 when they turned 18.

"Clomid is strong. I would like you to do a month and then take a month off. We will try it for three months. So at the end of five months, if you still are not pregnant, we will discuss the next steps."

Anna inhaled sharply, but just nodded. "Thank you, Sybil."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Once again, time moved both slowly and quickly. Now, John was 47. His birthday came and left. Luke's birthday was coming up again. He was about to be ten years old. Anna had become less hopeful and was becoming resigned to the fact that they likely would not have a baby. John noticed that she had stopped looking at baby things and seemed to pretend as though they still weren't planning their months around trying to have a baby.

It made life more enjoyable in some ways, but in others it was heartbreaking. Watching his wife lose hope was worrying.

This was their last month. He walked into the bathroom to watch Anna place the last pill in her hand.

"This is it, John." Anna lifted her hand to her lips and swallowed the pill down. "I hope it's our lucky last."

To be continued...

Thank you for reading and thank you in advance for any reviews and comments. :)