Chapter Twenty: The Bold and The Booty
[Nighttime, Camp Wawanakwa]
[scene shows Pamela, Wolf, and Angelina sitting on the steps of the loser cabin]
Pamela: [sighs] I can't believe how badly that backfired. We're at the final four and Katz is probably yucking it up in that spa hotel. What I wouldn't give to spend another night in that place.
Wolf: Yeah, it really sucks that we've yet to get rid of that guy. It's like he's got some sort of barrier that just protects him any time he might be close to elimination.
Angelina: If only there was a way we could just strike him where he'd least expect it, catch him by surprise, anything really.
[static buzzing]
Pamela: Am I happy that I've made the final four? Yes, I always knew that I was gonna make to the end, but the only thing really stopping me from being fully satisfied is seeing Katz walk the Dock of Shame and getting out of my sight for good. Tomorrow, I am going to make sure that he meets this end, mark my words.
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to the interior of the spa hotel where Katz is eating dinner in the dining room]
[static buzzing]
Katz: The million dollars is within my grasp, and none of the others have been able to come close to getting rid of me. They're simply wasting their time, deep down, they're squirming with fear knowing that I'll be the one taking home the prize. Once I collect the money, I'll use it to expand my business, maybe even use it form my own empire. I can just see it now...[chuckles darkly and sighs]...oh, this is going to be so satisfying.
[static buzzing]
[scene shows the sun rising over the mountains]
Loudspeaker: Good morning, final four! Gather on the dock, pronto! IIIIIIIt's crunch time! And by that, I mean you're about to get crunched! [chuckles]
[scene shows the four contestants walking toward the dock, Katz noticeably ahead of the others as they look at him with suspicious eyes]
Pamela: [bitterly] So...sleep well, I take it?
Katz: Indeed, it was like sleeping on victory itself. Not that you'd know, of course.
Pamela: Oh, ha-ha, so you've got jokes. Let's see you joke your way out of losing.
[the Boat of Losers pulls with up with Chris wearing a pirate outfit]
Chris: Ahoy, maties! [chuckles heartily] Come to me, faithful bird. [jumps off the boat onto the dock as Chef comes out wearing a parrot costume with a sour expression on his face] Oh, c'mon, stop frowning. You look great and you know it. Hey, if you don't wanna be here, then…[sees the boat leaving]...that isn't what I was gonna say! [casts an annoyed glance at the snickering contestants and sighs] Sorry, it's just that life is so hard without my trailer full of things about me, I'm sick of roughing it and since I'm craving the comforts of home, I've come up with a special challenge. Your mission: to retrieve one of four valuable pieces of pirate loot stashed somewhere on the island.
Wolf: Pfft, as if there's anything valuable on this island.
Chris: Oh, there's plenty if ya' know what you're lookin' forward!
[static buzzing]
Wolf: Chris' idea of "valuable" is pretty skewed. He's such an egomaniac, his most prized possession is himself.
[static buzzing]
Chris: To determine who searches for what, one player will choose one of these four treasure chests, ARGH! Katz, as the winner of the last challenge, you get to go first.
[Katz walks up to one of the chests and is electrocuted upon touching it]
Katz: YOOW!
Chris: Excellent, Katz you must bring me the lost lost golden Chris statuette.
Katz: Any clue as to where I might find it?
Chris: If I knew it wouldn't be long lost, now would it?
[static buzzing]
Katz: ...stupid host…
[static buzzing]
[Pamela goes next and is instantly coated with pepper as she opens her chest]
Pamela: Pepper! I...aaaaaCHOO!
Chris: Pamela, you must search in the bear cave to find an intact portrait of moi.
[static buzzing]
Pamela: Are you...aaaCHOO...kidding me...aaaaCHOO!
[static buzzing]
[Wolf goes next and is punched in the chin as he opens his chest]
Chris: Argh, you must bring me the McLean diamond, which can be found on or near the abandoned pirate ship.
Wolf: Gee, as if you couldn't get any more corny.
[Angelina goes next and opens up her chest, digs inside of it...and catches a moustrap]
Angelina: OW! Again?! Come on!
Chris: Angelina, you must bring me the yeti.
Angelina: Wait, what?! I have to bring back a ferocious creature and all Katz has to do is find a statue?! How is that fair?!
Chris: Hey, no one said there was any fair in pirates. [chuckles]
[static buzzing]
Angelina: I swear, if I don't come out of this alive, let my name be heard for generations onward.
[static buzzing]
Chris: Helpful hint: think fast and work even faster, 'cause two of you are going home today.
[the contestants gasp]
Pamela: Wait a minute, what about the final three?
Chris: [chuckles] Yeah, no. Whoever comes back last or worse, empty-handed, goes directly to the Dock of Shame. Whoever brings back their loot first wins a guaranteed spot in the finale and gets to select which of the remaining two walks the plank to the Boat of Losers tonight. All clear, on your marks, get set...GO! [blows the airhorn]
[the contestants race off from the docks]
[scene cuts to the abandoned pirate ship where Wolf is seen climbing onto it]
Loudspeaker: [off-screen] And Wolf is first to reach his pirate loot zone! [on-screen] The heat is on!
Wolf: Okay, if I were a diamond, where would I be? [begins searching through the ship]
[scene cuts to Angelina in the forest]
Angelina: Yeti tracks! Look fairly recent, can't be too far.
Loudspeaker: [off-screen] And Angelina is zeroing in on the yeti! [on-screen] But, bringing him back might be a bit harder, especially if he'll-[Angelina chucks a rock at the speaker, knocking it out]
Angelina: That should keep him quiet for now.
[scene cuts to Pamela running through the forest to the bear cave]
Pamela: Okay, just get the portrait and get out of there. Surely, this should be too…
[Pamela screeches to a stop to see a pack of bears sleeping in the cave with the portrait all the way in the back against a rock]
Pamela: [whispering] Are you KIDDING ME?!
[static buzzing]
Pamela: [angrily] Thanks a lot, Chris!
[static buzzing]
Loudspeaker: [off-screen] And Pamela reaches the bear cave! Better keep quiet unless you want some really cranky bears on your tail. [chuckles]
Pamela: SSSHHH! [whispering] Can't you see I'm trying NOT to get mauled?! [unbeknownst to Pamela, Katz suddenly appears right behind her]
[scene cuts to Chris watching from the monitors]
Chris: WHOA! Where'd he come from?! That guy is just spooky! What is Katz up to now, will anyone survive? You stick around, I'm going to the panic room here on Total Drama All-Stars!
[scene cuts to black, the episode continues]
Pamela: [suddenly senses someone behind, turns around and lets out a small squeak, whispering] Katz, what are you doing here?!
Katz: Isn't it obvious, I'm trying to find the statuette.
Pamela: [whispering] What makes you think it's even in here?! I am trying to retrieve that portrait on the other side of these bears and I'd gladly appreciate it if you didn't try and mess this up for me!
Katz: What? Me? [picks up a large rock when Pamela's back is turned] I would never think of doing such a thing. [drops the rock and it lands on the cave floor with a loud CRACK! With that, he dashes off out of the cave]
Pamela: [gasps] WHY YOU LITTLE-[turns back to see four angry bears growling at her]-ohmygod, uh...n-n-nice bears...go back to sleep now…[a loud roar echoes around the cave]...okay, maybe not! [runs out of the cave in a panic as the bears chase after her]
[static buzzing]
Pamela: GRRRR, I'm gonna kill you for that, Katz, you f**king asshole!
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to Angelina watching from a tree]
Angelina: Oh my, has he always been that big?
[the yeti is seen grabbing into a tree trunk and pulls out of nest full of eggs]
Angelina: Oh, I wish I had a plan, but…[sees a vine nearby]...sometimes...you have to take risks…[grabs on to the vine] Hello! Sorry in advance! [swings down and snatches the nest of the yeti's grasp] Yes, got it! [runs off as the yeti chases after her]
[scene cuts to back to Wolf still searching around the ship]
Loudspeaker: [off-screen] And Angelina is the first to find her loot! Will she be the first one back to the dock?!
Wolf: Not if I have anything to say about it.
[as Wolf continues to search around the deck, Katz silently appears behind him. Without hesitation, the feline pushes the lupine off the ship and into the water]
Wolf: [as he resurfaces] What the...YOU!
Katz: That is for knocking into the water several days ago. Enjoy your fruitless search while I take home the million. [chortles and walks off]
Wolf: [growls, but then notices something shining in the water] Huh? [looks down closely to see a diamond wedged in between two rocks] Aha!
[static buzzing]
Wolf: Looks like that Katz is useful for something after all. He practically gave me the key to winning this challenge. [chuckles] Sucker!
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to Pamela hanging from a tree branch as the pack of bears runs beneath her]
Pamela: Phew! That was too close for comfort! [jumps down from the tree and races toward the cave. Upon entering, she find the portrait nestled between some rocks. Very carefully, she pries the portrait out of the rocks] YES! Final two, here I come!
[scene cuts to Katz searching on the beach]
Katz: Come on, little statue, where are you? [looks throughout the sand in several places and struggles to find anything]
[scene cuts to Angelina running]
Angelina: That's right, I've got your dinner, follow me!
Loudspeaker: [off-screen] Update, Wolf and Angelina are leading their loot to the dock, so, if you haven't found yours yet, you might wanna think about doing so RIGHT NOW!
[scene cuts to Chris in the spa hotel library]
Chris: Okay, I guess we should head back to the dock to see who wins this.
[scene cuts to back to Katz in a baffled fury]
Katz: Wait, WHAT?! That's imposs-[trips on a rock and lands on the sand to find the golden statue sticking out of the sand] Got you! [picks up the statue and dashes toward the dock]
[scene cuts to Wolf running toward the dock with the diamond in hand]
Wolf: That million is as good as mine!
[scene cuts to Angelina climbing a tree as the yeti follows her]
Angelina: Oh...here, take the eggs! [she tries to hand the yeti the nest, but the branch snaps beneath their weight, sending them falling onto a slope. The branch lands first, followed by the yeti, followed by the nest, followed by Angelina landing on top. The branch rolls down the hill and carries the two all the way down to the dock where Angelina jumps off and the yeti crashes into a tree] Oh my goodness, I did it!
Chris: Oooh, talk about an epic wipeout! And here comes Pamela and Katz racing to not be last!
[scene shifts over to the two felines running neck-and-neck with each other]
Pamela: You are NOT winning this challenge, nor that million bucks!
Katz: I am NOT getting on that boat, you hear me?!
[scene shows Wolf, Angelina, Pamela, and Katz racing toward the dock]
Chris: It's gonna be a close one, folks! And...it's a four-way-tie?
Pamela: [panting] Please...tell me...I got in front...of Katz…
Chris: Hmm, let's do a little rewinding of the footage, shall we?
[a large screen shows the four contestants racing toward the dock in slow-motion, then it zooms in to see just where each contestant ended up touching the dock]
Chris: Well, from what the footage tells us...Wolf was the first one to reach the dock! And, on the polar scale, the last one to reach the dock was none other than...Katz! Meaning, while Wolf has a guaranteed spot in the final two, Katz has a guaranteed spot on the Boat of Losers!
Katz: I...WHAT?! [furiously chucks the statue at Chris and proceeds to strangle him] You dare cheat me out of a million dollars?! I'm going to-!
[BONK!]
[Katz falls to the ground unconscious, revealing that it was Chef who knocked him out]
Chris: [gasping for breath] Thanks, man...I owe you one.
[scene cuts to black, nighttime, the Dock of Shame]
[scene shows Katz on the Boat of Losers, strapped up to a stand-up trolley with a furious expression on his face]
Katz: This is an utter outrage! You will be hearing from my lawyers about this!
Chris: [sarcastically] Oooh, I'm so scared. [normal tone] Anyways, who's gonna be joining Katz on the Boat of Losers? It all comes down on who you want to battle in the finale: Pamela or Angelina?
[static buzzing]
Wolf: Angie impressed me today with how she dealt with that yeti, but Pam and I have been tight for a while now. If I had to choose between the two, I think I know who I'd go with.
[static buzzing]
Wolf: Out of the two of you gals, I'm gonna have to go with...Pamela. No offense, Angelina.
Angelina: [sighs] None taken. Although, even if I didn't win, at least Katz didn't either. Which gives me an idea…[boards the Boat of Losers and walks up to Katz]...boop. [pushes Katz's trolley off-balance, causing him to fall to the floor]
Katz: GRR! Impotent child! Pick me up immediately!
Angelina: [smugly] Oh, I will...when I feel like it.
[the Boat of Losers departs and disappears off into the distance]
[static buzzing]
Pamela: YES! He is FINALLY gone! I have never felt this happy in my life! All I need to do now is win the finale and the million dollars is mine!
[static buzzing]
Chris: We have our finalists: Wolf and Pamela! Who will rule victorious in the toughest, roughest million-dollar challenge EVER?! Tune in to find out, next time on Total...Drama...All-Stars!
[scene cuts to black as the episode ends]