June 22
Our wedding is only a few days away! I'm so happy beyond words.
Everything has been so joyful around here and yet as I was sitting on our back porch this evening I couldn't help but feel sad.
I have everything I need here. I have a nice home, good friends, and the love of my life. At the same time I feel like I'm missing something. My family.
This has been the longest I've ever been away from them and now that the well is closed I won't see them ever again.
I still remember how hard it was to let go of my mother almost a month ago and jump down the well. I don't regret coming here. If I hadn't taken the opportunity at that time, I may never have had another opportunity to see Inuyasha ever again. At the same time, I still wish there was a way to see them. Or at the very least, I wish I'd had some more time to say goodbye.
I couldn't help the tears that rolled down my face at the thought that they wouldn't be at the wedding. Things will feel so incomplete without them.
I know they'd want to be here to experience it all with me. They would want to see how happy I am and be here with me for every step of the way. I know that they adored Inuyasha, especially Sota. They would have been very happy to see us get married and eventually have children and I would love to experience everything there with him as well.
Even though I don't regret leaving, I feel guilty. I feel guilty for leaving Sota without an older sibling to guide him. Now he'll have to navigate high school on his own. I feel guilty for leaving my grandpa in his old age. And I feel guilty for leaving my mom without her daughter. I know she would have loved to be here for all of these special moments in my life.
The sun started to set and I continued to cry for what I wish I had.
I heard the door open and Inuyasha immediately sat next to me and pulled me into his arms.
"Kagome, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"
He sounded panicked. I felt bad for worrying him.
"I'm sorry, Yasha. I was just thinking of…of my family. I miss them. I wish they could be here for our wedding."
We were silent for a moment while I cried in his arms. Then Inuyasha kissed the top of my head. "I'm sorry, Kagome."
I looked up at him and wiped my face. "Why are you sorry?"
"You've given up so much to be here with me," he replied. "You went back down the well to see me knowing you may never see your family again and I'm extremely grateful for that. I just wish I could change things for you."
"You're so sweet, Yasha," I said with a sniff. "I wouldn't change it. If I had the chance to do it all over again, I'd still go down the well without any questions asked to be with you again. It's just a sacrifice I had to make."
His kiss was gentle and reassuring. "I wish you didn't have to." He ran his fingers through my hair in that way he did that was always so comforting. "Whatever they're doing now, I'm sure they're just glad that you're happy."
A smile crept back onto my face. I still missed my family and feel guilty for leaving them and maybe I always will. But Inuyasha is so kind and knows just what to say to reassure me. He's right; they're probably just glad that I'm happy. I can only hope that they are too.