A little bit of Ed/Roy bonding here, where he and Ed are stuck on a train and Ed doesn't want to think about what's going to happen when he gets to central or what he's been through at the border, so he strikes up a conversation about- what else- Alchemy. Specifically- human transmutation. And reminisces with Mustang.

"Time to get up, kiddo."

"Ugghhh." Ed tried to shake him off and roll over in bed, but Roy was having none of it.

"No- up, now. Or we'll miss our train." Roy snagged the sheet off the boy, not wanting to provoke him but running short on time.

Ed frowned, squinting up at him in the candlelight. "What time is it?" he sounded drowsy.

"Quarter to seven. Train leaves in half an hour, and you need to get dressed." Roy handed Ed the brown cardboard box as he swung his legs over the side of the bed, stumbling across the hall to the bathroom.

The kid drank straight form the sink, scrubbing at his face with his fingers that weren't covered by his cast and swinging the door shut, sending Roy a clear message the kid wanted privacy.

He stumbled out five minutes later, his uniform wrinkled, collar half-up and half down, and rank pins pinned crookedly on his right breast.

The kid's tired expression and messy blond ponytail told Roy he was too tired to really care about his appearance, and Roy smiled slightly.

"You might as well wear your sling. It's going to be a long trip home, wearing that heavy cast."

"Whatever." Ed didn't protest, flopping onto the bed and leaning back against the pillow, blinking owlishly.

Roy took the opportunity to drape the strap of the sling over the boy's arm, sliding his casted arm into it so he could let it rest on his chest. He took advantage of the time behind the kid to put his collar down, and ducked around to the front, smoothing the wrinkles on Ed's shoulders and straightening his rank pins so he looked a little more presentable.

"Ready to go?"

Ed grunted, getting to his feet. He slid his arm free of the sling, throwing his backpack over his shoulder and grabbing his briefcase, stumbling lethargically for the door.

They got to the train station early- while Roy waited by the platform, Ed found a small stall that was selling food and bought a few breakfast pastries and a cup of coffee.

He trudged back over to where Roy was sitting with their bags, wordlessly setting down a paper cup of coffee next to Roy and digging into the pastries himself.

It was only five minutes until the train was due to arrive, but Ed tucked his arm back into his sling and leaned back against the bench, letting out a sigh.

Roy nearly had to shake the kid awake again when the train pulled in, but Ed stumbled into it alongside him.

It was surprisingly busy for an early train- a lot of soldiers were being sent away from the lines, no longer needed for a boarder skirmish that wasn't happening.

Ed wordlessly thunked down in a seat beside Roy in the compartment, already half asleep.

The train pulled out of the staion.

A businessman and a few other civilians sat in the same car.

A piercing wail split the air.

Ed was on his feet before he was fully awake, pulling his arm from the sling as though ready for a might.

His entire posture belied how on edge he was.

Roy looked to the left to see a woman holding a wailing toddler.

Ed was breathing heavily, eyes wide- he was confused and rattled. The poor kid was exhausted.

Roy didn't say a word, gathering up their bags and stepping into the aisle of the train, motioning Ed to follow behind him.

The baby's mother gave them a slightly dirty look for their hurry to flee, but her face softened when she saw Roy place a hand on Ed's shoulder and guide the stumbling youth. Maybe she saw the dead look in the kid's eyes, the dark circles underneath the hollow gold irises. Or maybe it was the fact the kid's one good arm was in a sling, and the other missing completely, his empty blue sleeve hanging limply where his automail once was. - but her face softened in understanding, and she held her child closer and tried to hush them.

Roy guided them to a less crowded car, steering Ed to the closest empty seat and letting the kid sprawl.

Within minutes, Ed was asleep.

The kid slept like the dead for four hours of the train ride, only waking up at one point to dig around in his backpack before coming up with a canteen and drinking half of it.

"Why do you hold onto that backpack anyways?"

Ed seemed to shrink back slightly. "It's good luck." he seemed to hide beneath his bangs. "I went into the field with it and I came out with it."

He rooted through his bag some more, replacing the canteen and coming up with an MRE. He ate the entire thing cold, and Roy could only watch in mild amusement.

"You actually like those?"

"Better than nothing." was all Ed said.

His gaze drifted out the window, watching the green fields roll by.

The train whistle blew.

"When's the next stop?"

"Twenty minutes, I think. Why?"

"Need to call Al."

At the brief stopover, Ed located a payphone and dialed the familiar number, waiting three rings before Al picked up.

"Rockbell Residence, this is Alphonse speaking."

"Hey, Al."

"Brother! Why haven't you called!? Are you alright?" Al sounded relieved and upset.

Ed paused for a moment, realizing he hadn't called in days.

"Yeah. Sorry about that Al, I just got sidetracked. I'm headed back to Central now..."

"Do you want me to meet you there?"

"Yeah. That'd be great, Al." he allowed a small amount of happiness to creep into his voice. It was good to hear his brother's voice again.

"Are you sure you're alright? You sound different?"

"I'm okay. Listen, Al- when you leave for Central- bring Winry with you. My arm is gone."

"What!? How! Brother, did you do something reckless again!?"

Ed took a deep breath and clenched his teeth, fighting down the urge to snap at his brother.

"I was backed into a corner, Al. I did the best I could, okay?" suddenly he felt incredibly tired of talking at all.

"Look, I have to go-" he shot a glance out the glass window of the phone booth. "Mustang is waiting."

"Mustang's with you? What happened?"

"I'll explain later, Al. Train is leaving soon." he lied fluently, hanging up the phone and stumbling out of the phone booth, gulping a breath of the smokey station air and relishing in not having to deal with people anymore. His heartbeat thrummed in his chest like a humming bird, and he heaved a sigh, scrubbing at his forehead. He knew what he needed.

"Everything okay?" Mustang shot him a glance.

"Yeah. He's bringing Winry with him to Central. I still have a day or two to figure out what to tell him." Ed's eyes roved the station, looking for a convenient escape.

He ducked into the men's room and sucked down a cigarette in less than three minutes, making his hands stop trembling and evoking a sigh of relief before he stood, rising out his mouth at the sink and hoping the odor of smoke didn't cling to his clothes.

He was nearly out of cigarettes. He'd need to get more once they got to Central.

The train gave a shrill shriek, warning passengers it'd be leaving soon, and Ed ducked back onboard with Mustang, feeling mildly less tired and more awake.

The train pulled away from the station, and Ed glanced at Mustang before he was looking back out the window, slouching in his seat and looking tired.

He had no idea what he was doing. Absolutely none.

Ed couldn't sleep, but he couldn't very well take his mind off the things that were bothering him. What he'd say to Al. How he'd explain his arm and sudden promotion to Winry.

And even when he tried to quiet his mind like teacher told him, he couldn't quite get the images out of his head of all those motionless bodies lying in that torn apart field.

"It was such a damn waste."

Those were the first words he'd really said all morning, and Mustang leveled his gaze in their train compartment, setting aside the book he'd been reading.

"What's a waste?"

"My mission. It was just a total senseless waste of a bunch of lives. Senseless killing."

"That's mostly what a war is, Ed." Mustang agreed sadly.

"There's no equivalent exchange, though. They didn't deserve it- none of them did..."

"Maybe there was. Every one of your friends for one of theirs. One good life for one bad. Or maybe there wasn't equivalent exchange at all- maybe it was just pointless killing. I personally think it's the latter. There isn't any sense to war."

"Then why did you fight?"

"To protect the people I cared about. I did it to make sure I'd come home with them still standing beside me."

Ed was silent for one minute, then two... "You're right. It doesn't make any sense at all. Just a stupid waste. And you know what the really fucked up part is? If I'd managed to wound one of the enemy- or gotten to one when he was dying- I might've been able to use him to pay the toll for Al."

Roy was still, his expression betraying absolutely nothing.

"I... I know it's wrong. And that I shouldn't think like that. But it'd be equivalent exchange, right? Hell, it'd be more than that- a body for a body, maybe I could've even used the soul to get my limbs back..."

"Did you seriously consider it?" Mustang steeped his gloved fingers, scrutinizing his protege carefully.

"No. Only in theory, after everything, when I was lying in bed." Ed sighed. "Al would never want that. A body brought back at the expense of someone else. Hell, I'd rather live the rest of my life with this automail than do that, too. But I always have to think about it- the theories- of what I could trade for Alphonse. I always have to keep looking. And it just... I know everyone was dying for no reason. Or for their country, or their principles. But I just thought- all this wasted life. Nothing in return. If- if by using the dying to achieve my goal, well- maybe something good could've come out of all of that senseless death."

Ed sighed. "Forget I even said anything. I dunno why I said that. I just feel like a bad person, thinking about the taboo all the time, and you're the only one who I can talk to about it without getting thrown in jail."

"You are the only alchemist I know that's ever actually survived human transmutation, Fullmetal. I considered attempting it, once. You aren't the only one who had a theory as to how to do it." Roy admitted, glancing over at the boy. "There are very few who can understand alchemy on that level. And we aren't exactly allowed to talk about it openly- but I don't mind discussing it. I do have a question, though, if you're willing to indulge my curiosity."

"What?" Ed looked over at him carefully, leaning back in his seat. His eyes were a little more focused, though, he seemed a bit brighter- alchemy was the kid's forte.

"Say you did do the transmutation- traded a dying enemy soldier for your brother. Where would they go?"

Ed paled slightly. "I... I didn't think about that." he admitted. He paused for a moment. "They'd probably get trapped behind the gate..."

"The gate?" Roy cocked an eyebrow at Ed, unsure as to what he meant.

"It's where alchemists go, when they try to play god." Ed's eyes had a far away look to them, and his leg had started to bounce up and down anxiously. "It's all white. Someone is there- he doesn't have a body, though, he's just an outline, and he's got teeth. He's the one that takes the toll for whatever you did. He puts you through the gate. You see the universe, the knowledge people aren't supposed to be able to have- everything. For a minute- I saw my mom. I almost touched her... But he pulled me back before I could grab a hold of her. Said I hadn't paid enough to get anymore time in there. The next thing I know I'm on the ground and my leg is gone, and the only thing I had to stop the bleeding were Alphonse's empty clothes..." Ed trailed off, looking into the distance and not really seeing what was right in front of him.

Roy frowned, shifting in his seat uncomfortably. "We don't have to talk about this anymore if you don't want to, Fullmetal."

Ed shot him a look. "It's fine. Besides, like you said- I'm the only one who's come back alive. It's not like you can ask any other alchemist about it. What do you want to know?"

"What did you see? Beyond the gate?"

Ed sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Everything. I can't... there aren't words for it, really. Like- it's something I can't explain, because people aren't supposed to know- it's not meant to be understood. It hurt a lot- it felt like my head was being filled with sand to the point of exploding, like it was coming out my eyes- I was screaming, it hurt so bad, I couldn't find Alphonse- but then I saw mom, and I forgot about that all for a minute. It wasn't all in vain, though- I learned somethings from it."

"Alchemy, or more intangible things?" Roy was interested.

"A bit of both, I think. I'm pretty sure that's where I learned to transmute without a circle."

"I always wondered why you never taught that trick to Alphonse." Roy admitted. "But I guess it's not something you can teach."

"Alphonse probably saw more than me. I paid the lesser price, with just my leg- Al gave everything. He doesn't remember anything after we began the transmutation. But I bet if he were to remember, he'd be able to transmute without a circle too. Maybe even more things- he was fully immersed in the gate for awhile, even his soul was unbound..."

"How did you call him back?"

Ed gave a dry laugh. "I don't know. Another thing I can't explain, probably learned it beyond the gate. I have a feeling it has something to do with his blood seal- I drew it in my own blood, and we mixed our blood before we began the transmutation. I think we were bound together when we opened the gate, so we may have mixed- that's probably how I called him back. I had to use my arm as collateral, though- the blood seal bound him to the armor, but that was actually the first transmutation I did just by clapping..."

"How did you know it would work? And that it wouldn't cost you more than just your arm? You learn how to balance the cost of committing the taboo when you were in the gate?"

Ed laughed. "That was dumb luck, to be honest. I didn't know- I gambled. I was desperate- I had absolutely nothing left. I didn't want to live without my brother or my mom- so I was willing to give everything I had left to get him back. I gave Truth- that's the guy who doesn't have a boy and controls the gate- some choices- I remember screaming he could take whatever he wanted, I just wanted my brother back- I guess he chose my arm."

"Anything else of note happen?"

Ed shrugged. "Not really. Alphonse came back- he wrapped my stumps up as best he could and dragged me to the Rockbells. I was out of it for awhile, until some asshole in a military uniform practically kicked down my door and started yelling at me." Ed said dryly.

"You can't exactly blame me. You did break the law." Mustang said simply.

"We already paid our price for that. You and I both know it. I don't see how yelling at us would do any good, aside from giving me a lingering resentment that would haunt you for years- and I mean YEARS- later." Ed admitted with a tired smirk.

"You really want to know why I was yelling?" Mustang asked simply.

"I assume it's because you saw the basement and knew I'd broken the law."

"No. I was on my way to try and recruit brilliant young alchemists from Risembool. For some reason there was a clerical error, the records had you and Al listed as men in their thirties. One of the locals set me straight when I was asking- he told me you were only 11 and your brother was 10. I was frustrated, but we'd made the trip, so I figured I might as well try and hunt you and Al down anyways, see if you had some of your father's research notes or something. And I made it to your house and found a basement absolutely covered in blood and a human transmutation circle. I was yelling because I didn't know what else to do. All I had was evidence of a taboo and two missing children. And the energy in your basement- well, I'm sure you felt it much more strongly than I did. But it scared me. I hadn't been that scared since Ishval." Roy admitted.

"I was expecting to find your bodies from wherever you'd dragged yourselves to. I've heard the stories about the ones who commit the ultimate taboo- I was scared as hell I was going to find the remaining pieces of two kids."

"And you did." Ed said quietly.

"Yes, I did, but you were both alive, and that wasn't what I expected." Roy said, voice equally as soft.

"So you started screaming at us?"

"My nerves were shot. I wasn't sure what else to do, all I knew was an atrocity had been committed and you two were involved. My military training kicked in- when frightened, sometimes people default to what they've been taught- and soldiers are taught to act swiftly and decisively in situations like that. To take their fear and the energy into actions. So yeah, I did yell at you boys, and it probably wasn't the best move- and I'm sorry."

"And?" Ed wiggled his eyebrows.

"And what?" Roy was confused.

"Is that the only thing you're sorry for?" Ed was fishing now, wiggling slightly in his spot and enjoying having Mustang under his thumb t the moment.

Roy blinked. "What? What else do I have to apologize for?"

"What about the time you called me short in front of everybody? And all the times you were a bastard to me?" Ed's eyes had regained some of their former light, now.

"Well if we're keeping score, then shouldn't you apologize for all the times you've kicked open my office door and shouted at me?" Roy asked.

"No." Ed shook his head. "No, because the only reason I act like that is because of the deep, lingering resentment I have towards the guy who picked me up by my shirt and screamed in my face when I was a kid. In fact, you could say it's given me... issues with authority." Ed grinned mischievously.

Roy sighed. "You're full of shit."

"Now you're insulting me again! My psyche! My fragile psyche! I'm going to tell Hughes!" Ed flopped over dramatically on his train seat, clutching his chest in mock distress. He blinked wide golden eyes, and his lower lip even started to wobble. Damn, this kids was a good actor. Roy didn't want to test if the kid could actually fake cry loud enough that people in the other compartments started noticing.

"Fine! I'm sorry I called you short and am a bastard! Now will you quit making that face already!" Mustang said hurriedly.

"Yeah, whatever." Ed sat back up, his expression changing back to a shit-eating grin. "I wonder if they got sandwiches here, I'm starving..." it was getting close to lunchtime.

Ed reached into his pocket out of habit, thumbing his pack of cigarettes and realizing with some dismay that he'd misplaced his lighter. Not that he could exactly smoke in front of Mustang, but he'd be lying if he wasn't starting to crave that nicotine buzz again.

"I think there's a dining car a little ways from here." Roy stood. "Come on, if you want to eat, Shrimp."

"What was that?" Ed's antenna stood straight up on his head.

Roy shrugged. "I'm paying, so deal with it. Come on, brat- don't you want lunch?"

"Just for that I'm getting the most expensive thing on the menu!"