Chapter Sixteen
Then
She kisses him again the next day, in the hour before dawn properly breaks.
They have been trekking through the night, following a new path chosen by Raj now that they have a better idea of the placement of the organisation's operatives from the map they had found. As they had walked, Raj had explained what they have to do now.
"When they find the dead men they'll guess what direction we were heading in, they'll shift their operatives and concentrate on that border instead. We need to change our route, we have to do something they won't expect."
"We're heading for another exit?"
He nods. "It means it will take us longer, another five days at least, but there's too much risk to continue on our current path. Rather than heading for the closest exit we'll take an even longer route, one they hopefully won't expect."
"And if they find us again?"
"Then we deal with them again and this time we don't let them take us by surprise."
They are silent then and Naina feels her thoughts wandering. When she returns, will it seem strange to once again stay awake by daylight hours, will she find herself sleepwalking, her steps taking her down dark paths, unable to find rest without him?
"Will you teach me how to fight again today?"
Raj shakes his head regretfully. "I think it's best if we use the time to travel as far as possible. Maybe tomorrow we can train."
There is only the faintest of lights on the horizon when they slow down, Raj beginning to look for places where they can spend the day.
Naina watches him, his intent expression, the slight frown across his brow and she cannot take it anymore. His eyes have been flicking towards her and then away again all night long and she knows the longer she gives him, the more excuses he'll have for why what happened between them was a mistake.
"Raj." She calls his name and watches as he will not meet her eyes, even as he halts his steps.
"Naina, I don't think now is the right time."
"Do you really want to be having this conversation when we're stuck in a confined space together during the day?" Naina challenges, raising her eyebrows.
Raj sighs, finally turning towards her. "It shouldn't have happened. We were both emotional, you'd just gone through the trauma of killing a man. I should never have taken advantage of you like that."
"Taken advantage of me?" Naina stares at him, unable to believe what he's saying. "I love you! I love you and I chose to kiss you."
"You don't mean that." Raj's voice is quiet, his expression stricken. His hands flex as if he would like to reach for her. "You don't..."
She kisses him then as the light begins to seep over the horizon, shadows still heavy upon them. Steps forward and laces her fingers behind his neck to bring his face down to hers. Naina kisses him softly, carefully, an exploration of what there is and what there could be between them, and when she is done she lingers, her forehead touching his, as she reaches up to push the hair back from his eyes.
"I love you." She tells him firmly, no room for opposition in her tone. "I wanted to kiss you. I still want to kiss you. So don't you dare try to dismiss my feelings. I love you."
There is a tremor in Raj's hands as he cups her face but the way he kisses her back is full of surety and for the first time, Naina feels a spark of hope. He kisses her like a man who has come home after a long absence. He kisses her as if it is the first kiss of many to come, full of promise.
"Naina, you..." He struggles with the words at first, before he finds them. "It's wrong of me, I know it is but maybe I don't have the strength to refuse happiness when I thought I would never find it again." He takes both of her hands in his, holding them tightly. "You are everything to me, everything. I love you and I hoped you would never find out but I can't help but be glad now that you did."
Naina kisses him again, what else could she possibly do?
/
Today when it is Raj's turn to sleep, he allows himself to lay his head in Naina's lap.
There is not enough room to stretch out fully and he lays on his side, his legs tucked up behind him, and closes his eyes.
A moment later, Naina's hand is in his hair, stroking through it soothingly.
"Keep doing that." Raj murmurs. A minute later he is asleep.
Naina keeps her hand on Raj's head, her fingers buried in his hair.
He had insisted that she rest first as usual, and exhausted by the events of the day before, Naina had fallen asleep quickly, her head cushioned on his leg. The change, she had only known once she had woken. For the first time, he had kept a hand upon her while she slept, framing her shoulder almost protectively. When Naina had woken it was to find Raj looking down at her, his expression both gentle and wondering, as if he had found something precious.
She had insisted that he take his own rest then and it had taken almost no time to convince him to rest his head upon her. Naina looks down at him and thinks that he looks more peaceful than he ever has in the time she's known him. Is it due to knowing that he is loved, that there is somebody in the world that is his?
And she will remain his, no matter what. Even when they part, Naina knows that there is no chance of her feelings weakening or of her ever giving up on him. She will fight for him until her last breath, she will find some way to clear his name so that they can reunite.
Naina looks down at Raj and she hopes that now there will be no more resistance from him. If he loves her as he says he does, then even he must feel the same dread at parting from her. Even he must want to do everything in his power to ensure that they have the hope of a future together one day, no matter how distant that hope must be.
Raj will listen to her now, he must, and Naina will find some way to save him.
/
Naina watches as Raj wakes slowly, blinking against the light. His hand brushes against her ankle, his cheek pressed against her leg for a moment more before he levers himself up.
"I slept well." Raj tells her, and he almost sounds surprised by it. "Usually I dream."
"What do you dream of?"
His mouth sets in a grim line for a moment. "Of my arrest or my imprisonment. Sometimes of what might happen to me if I'm recaptured."
Naina edges closer to him, her hand reaching out towards his. "But not this time?"
When Raj looks back at her there is such gentle affection in his gaze that it warms her right through. "No, not this time. I don't think I could have had bad dreams with how I felt when I slept."
It is him who reaches for her this time, almost hesitant as he extends his hand to her face, tracing the curve of her cheek, the line of her jaw, before coming to rest beneath her chin. When he leans in to kiss her it is just the merest pressure, barely a brush of his lips against hers. Naina waits, she breathes, her eyes closed as his lips find hers again, more determined this time as her mouth parts under his, a sweetness to savour.
When Raj pulls back he is clearly conflicted and Naina grasps his hand, trying to anchor him to her when she knows he is still tempted to pull away.
"You know what I'm going to say."
"I also know why I'm not going to listen to it." Naina counters. "Do you think I haven't already had all of these conversations with myself before making this decision? Do you think I don't know what the stakes are?"
"What if we never prove my innocence?" Raj asks her. "Sooner or later the authorities must catch up to me and even if they didn't, I could never ask you to join me on the run. If that happens, Naina, then I want you to promise that you'll let me go. I don't want you involved if I am recaptured."
"The only promise I will make is that I will never let you go." Naina tells him stubbornly. "I will fight and I will continue fighting and even if you were to be recaptured I wouldn't give up. If it takes years I still won't give up."
"Now you really do sound like a soldier." Raj tells her proudly, reaching out to grasp her shoulders. "I used to tell myself that while there is breath there is hope and that while there is hope, a soldier will fight until the very last breath."
"And that is what I intend to do but for that, I need you to trust me." Naina pauses. "I need you to tell me everything that happened, everything I need to know that could help me. I will find the red box and I will track down Dr Mishra and I will do anything that is necessary to get the evidence we need."
"I don't want you placing yourself at any risk, you don't know these people. They'll trap you just like they trapped me, and if they harmed you..." He takes in a shaky breath, his hands clutching her more tightly. "As long as you're alive it'll give me the hope I need to survive. I'll live and fight on that alone."
"That might be enough for you but it's not for me. I promise that I'll be careful, but I need to try. I want to fight for you, and I won't stop until I've proven you innocent."
"Naina..." Her name is like a prayer from his mouth. "My brave Naina."
She knows then that she can't fail him.
/
They plan as they walk that night, speaking in low voices.
"So it looks like I really will be joining the army." Naina comments, grinning across at him. "It's the best way to gain access to KMA and the red box."
Raj laughs softly. "I didn't think this would be the reason why when we first discussed it. I honestly do think you'll do well there though. I'll ensure you know what you need to for the first year's drills and exercises. Major Nair hates female cadets and I don't want him to have any excuse to try and fail you."
"I wonder what Naveen will think about me joining." Naina muses. "I hope that he won't try to discourage me."
"He might question it at first but I know Naveen, if he believes it's what you really want he'll support you."
"It will be difficult to keep the truth from him." Naina has never kept anything from her brother and now she must conceal one of the most important truths of her life from him.
"I know it will be but we have to, for his own safety." Raj pauses and then stops walking completely. "Naveen is going to kill me."
"If all goes well then he doesn't even need to know about you and me until we've proved your innocence."
Raj grimaces. "He'll still know that I allowed you to put yourself in danger for my sake and that I fell in love with you when I shouldn't have."
Naina squeezes his hand. "Let's just hope that Naveen's happiness at getting you back puts him in a very forgiving mood."
Raj shakes his head as if he doesn't believe that possibility but they continue walking, conscious of the minutes passing by and the time left before dawn breaks. "I think that we can do some sparring again this morning before we settle for the day. Now that I know you're going to join KMA I want you to be as prepared as possible."
Naina smiles as she walks beside him. They still have a long way to go to prove his innocence but the most important hurdle has been passed. She now knows where to retrieve the red box from and the names of the superior officers that Raj suspects to be involved. She can work with that and even if the evidence he collected is not enough to find the mastermind it should be able to win him his honour back.
As they walk they discuss drills and timetables and in her mind Naina is already making plans for what she needs to do on her return. There will be around three months before she can join the academy and in that time Naina plans to hone her skills as much as possible. She will be strong when she joins, she will be alert and she will look out for an opportunity to do what she needs to.
"The night of the Fresher's Ball could be your first opportunity." Raj tells her. "Everyone will be distracted that night, both cadets and faculty. If you can find an excuse not to attend or a way to sneak out you should be able to break into the mail room unnoticed."
"And if that doesn't work out when should the next opportunity be?"
Raj thinks for a moment before replying. "If you can find an excuse to stay back over Diwali then I would recommend that time. Most of the students will go home for the holidays and there will be only a few faculty members remaining."
"It's a long time to wait to see you again." Naina comments, her voice quiet.
"Naina... there's no guarantee that this will be successful. If you can't get to the box, then it might be years until we can see each other again." Raj pauses. "We might never see each other again."
There is a part of Naina that wants to crumble at the idea, that desperately wants to break down in tears and beg for it not to be true, for Raj to say that he'll find a way to come and see her somehow.
Just as he can't put her at risk though, she also can't see him placed in danger for her own comfort.
"We'll find a way." She tells him instead. "I'll have two years in the academy to complete my training and there'll be multiple opportunities during that time. Once I know the routines there it will be a lot easier to plan."
"I'll be able to call you from time to time." Raj tells her, his voice as warm as any promise. "You choose a name from one of your friends and if we speak in code you should be able to pass messages to me without anyone suspecting."
"How would I do that?"
For the rest of the night he teaches her how she might pass messages related to their mission along in a way nobody would suspect, practising questions and answers. Naina picks it up quickly and within an hour she knows she'll be able to communicate information efficiently.
She might not be able to see him but at least there'll be a chance to hear his voice from time to time.
As the sky begins to lighten, they put down their bags by the base of a tree and prepare to spar. Raj circles her as Naina keeps up her guard, her hands in defensive positions, her legs at the correct distance, turning as he does, her eyes on his feet to judge his movement.
When he feints, she dodges out of his reach, grinning at her victory. He doesn't allow her to enjoy it for long though, pursuing her as Naina continues to avoid him. He throws a punch finally, withholding his full strength and she blocks it, even as she kicks out her leg to to try and sweep his from under him.
Raj dodges, shaking his head. "I'm not going to make it that easy for you, Naina."
For half an hour more they practice, neither quite gaining the upper hand, although Naina knows that Raj could still easily defeat her if he was to use his full strength. This is about building her confidence and teaching her techniques, there is no need for a winner in this competition.
They stop as the sun begins to rise properly, both sweating and winded and Naina grins at him, inexplicably happy and unable to contain it. Raj stares at her for a moment, his expression full of wonder and then he is reaching for her, his arms wrapped around her, his cheek against her hair.
"How could I have ever thought I could let you go?" He murmurs. "How could I ever let you go?"
A/N: Aaaaaand we are almost caught up to the present, there'll be one more past chapter in ch 18 then we will be going forward from there. I'm currently writing chapter 32 and think it might go to 33 chapters in total.
Thank you to the guest who reviewed, Gehlot really is campaigning for worst father of the year so it is a good thing that Sherry has her friends (And Abhi!) to stand by her. I haven't seen that show but will hopefully get a chance to.