Chapter Seventeen

How is one supposed to feel at a time like this? So many new emotions, so little time to process them all. It was just too much.

She was happy, of course, to find out that she and Benedict were probably siblings. That meant she had someone. She'd never really had a family member before. Major Gilbert had been something akin to a father figure but then, he was also more than that in a lot of ways. She hadn't known it at the time but in her time as an Auto Memories Doll, Violet had begun to understand that she did in fact love him. That she still loved him. Now though, she had a family member. A real one. Related by more than an adopted last name.

Was she supposed to go around introducing herself as Violet Blue now? It didn't have the same ring to it as her adoptive name. Besides, that wouldn't have been her name as a child anyway. Major Gilbert had named her Violet. Violet wasn't her real name, and if this picture she'd been given was the only evidence of her existence then she would probably never know her real name anyway. Unless Benedict's memories came back to him one day and he remembered her name.

Short of that, she would probably be Violet Evergarden for the rest of her life. Well...what if? "Violet...Belle," she breathed slowly. Where had that come from? Her chest ached in an all too familiar way now. Longing. She knew it well at this point. That was one of the aches she knew which label belonged on now.

It didn't sound so bad really but...all it made her think of was how much Trevor hated his own last name. Not to mention how absurd the notion was in the first place. That she could actually...really love him. Love him enough to be wondering if he loved her back. Enough that the thought of marriage was very suddenly, and startlingly, something that could actually happen in her life. They'd only been seeing each other for around seven months now. Violet had no idea if that was the right amount of time for those thoughts to be cropping up but she also didn't know if she should be thinking that way at all.

She loved Major Gilbert. That fact was never going to go away. So how could she possibly love someone else? She didn't think it was supposed to work that way.

Add that apprehension together with Trevor's situation with his father and you had a real dilemma on your hands. That whole mess had accounted for another one of the feelings tugging at her heart. Sorrow, she thought it might be or maybe just confusion.

Another was regret and that one stung the most. She knew what regret was, she'd experienced that one right away after waking up in the hospital. Regret that she hadn't performed better, and later, regret that she had cost the Major his life.

Now she regretted nothing more than lying to Benedict. Her brother, of all people, had been the first person that she had ever successfully told a lie to and it hurt. It ate at her insides like a demon trying to turn her inside out. She carries it with her everywhere she went and it sat on her tongue in such a way that no amount of scrubbing would get it off.

She just couldn't let anyone else know that she was barely holding on by a thread. She needed to be strong and help Trevor through his problems. His father's abuse was far more important and threatening than her stupid panic and stress attacks. In her own eyes anyway. She was afraid her friends and co-workers wouldn't see it that way. Afraid that the company would force her to take a vacation so she could relax. As if that would ever help her calm down. All it would do would force her to be alone with her thoughts an extra eight hours a day and this whole mess would only become more confusing.

They'd talked about it at least.

After she'd lied to Ben the pair had gotten lunch and discussed what they both thought of the news. They'd agreed that it was pretty likely but that they really didn't need to change the way they lived their lives. They were already great friends and co-workers after all. They each had their own apartments and their own lives and as long as Benedict's amnesia persisted, Violet had nothing to question him about. She wouldn't learn anything about who she had been before by trying to pry information out of him that he didn't have.

There was really only one person left in this world that she could question about that particular subject and if he didn't have the answers then that would be that. Violet wasn't entirely sure she wanted the answer anyway. What would she do if the answer was something sinister and criminal? It would have happened nearly fifteen years ago and there would be no way to prove to the authorities that she was telling the truth if she even tried to get them involved.

The thoughts had eaten away at her all the way to the estate though and she had been buzzed through the large black gates and shining marble walls before she'd even realized that this was where she had been walking too.

She waited patiently at the front door and when it opened, her blue eyes shot up to meet the seafoam green eyes she had expected to see.

"Violet?" He sounded a bit shocked. "What are you doing here?"

Violet hand reflexively shot up to her forehead, "Captain Dietfriend," she let out robotically as if it were rehearsed. It took her a moment to realize what she'd done before she shook her head and lowered her hand. "Sorry, I...didn't mean to interrupt you."

"It's alright I suppose," he sighed and folded his arms across his chest. He leaned into the doorframe a little and looked her up and down. "What can I help you with?"

"I...may I ask you a question, sir?"

"Violet you're not in the military anymore," he reminded her. "Relax a little, you're going to give yourself a heart attack," a small smirk played on his lips and Violet took a deep breath. Major Gilbert's brother, Dietfriend, had never been an overly formal man. The way he spoke and carried himself had always been less formal and professional than the Major. More like he owned the country, rather than served it. It was still strange to see him so...human. The war had ended years ago and he had retired comfortably in his young age but still, it was strange to her.

"I'm sorry," she admitted. "I am not used to speaking with you informally."

"It's alright," he waved the gesture off. "What's your question?"

"Do…" Violet paused and looked around. There was no one near them and when she looked back to Dietfriend she exhaled her held breath. "Where did you find me?"

His expression slowly melted into a hard and serious look and Violet watched as all of his muscles tensed. Violet prepared herself for an impending scolding but was surprised when he took a deep breath in through his nose and ran his hand up through his long hair. He exhaled slowly through his mouth before he finally spoke.

"I knew you'd ask one day… I just didn't know when.*

He seemed to shift his weight uncomfortably with his words. Violet would probably have noticed and interpreted his body language if she wasn't so stunned by what he'd said. "So then...you know?"

He was quiet for a long while and the silence made Violet think she might snap if he didn't say anything. "I know where I found you. As for what happened before that, I can't really say."

"Liefheim?" Violet said softly and raised the photo for him to see. Dietfriend left his place at the door frame and walked out to meet her. When he reached her his eyes finally fell from hers to the photo.

"We found you just outside of town. A little girl wandering around alone and in the distance there was smoke and a fire was glowing from within the town limits."

"So you just...took me?!" She raised her voice. Violet was a little surprised at her own tone but more so that Dietfried hadn't flinched.

He was silent, his eyes leveled at hers, unblinking and very serious. "That boy in the picture," he nodded down to it. "If I'm not mistaken, that looks an awful lot like your co-worker."

"How...how do you," she began but stopped herself, shutting her eyes tightly.

"I see him out delivering mail all the time. He doesn't exactly blend in," he sighed as he shoved his hands into his pockets and turned away from her. She heard the stones of his driveway crunch beneath his shoes and she opened her eyes again. She found him staring off into the distance this time though. "Look...Violet," he said as he took in a deep breath. "I'm not going to stand here and explain my actions to you. It's not going to make you feel better about what I did and you know it…"

Violet grit her teeth and balled her fingers into a fist so tight she thought the silver might bend.

"I will say this," he sighed. "What we did to you was wrong…" Violet's muscles went slack all at once and the photo began to uncrumpled in her hand. "I," he corrected himself and cleared his throat. "What I did to you was wrong. No one ever came looking for you. No missing children reports were ever filed that matched your identity so instead, I gave you to Gilbert to use. Frankly, I'm glad I did. You may never have turned out alright if I had kept you for myself," he said softly and turned back to Violet. "I'm not a good man...not like he was."

"That's it?" She choked the words out, her throat so tight she could barely breathe. "That's all you have to say?"

"I don't regret taking you if that's what you want to hear," he shrugged. "I may recognize that it was wrong but I don't regret it for a second. They say one man can't win a war but the fact is that without you on the front lines we would have lost a lot more battles than we won. Leiden is safe because you were never afraid to do what you had to-"

"You're wrong!" She shouted at him and this time he did flinch. "I was always afraid!" She balled her fists again and fought to hold back her tears. "Afraid that I would fail and Major Gilbert would die because of me! And he did!" She sobbed. This time Dietfried took a step back and Violet actually thought she registered a hint of fear in his face for the first time ever. "I didn't kill all those people for Leiden!" She yelled hoarsely and began pinching off tears. "I did it to protect the Major and I-I!" Violet felt her knees hit the gravel driveway and she pressed her fists against her thighs as she fell silent and let her tears run. "I just wanted him to be proud of me…"

Dietfried was silent for a long while as he watched Violet cry. Violet didn't know what she expected to accomplish by coming here but then, she didn't really expect to come here at all. "This was a mistake…" she sobbed and pushed herself up to her feet and turned away. "I'm sorry for coming here like this," and she headed back toward the large iron gate.

"Violet," he said a little sternly and she froze in place. She swore her arm twitched at his tone as if her body were still attuned to hearing her name and snapping to attention. She barely managed not to. "You didn't fail him," he said softly and this time she had to turn around. She found him staring down into the dirt, purposely avoiding looking at her tear-stained face. "You've never failed anyone. We're the ones who failed you," and with that, he turned back toward the mansion and walked away in silence.

On the way back home, Violet would find her eyes gradually drying as she tried her best to calm down. She did her best to not let herself roam around aimlessly this time and simply try to keep her attention focused on the things around her, rather than the storm raging inside of her mind.

One problem at a time. At least one of them was done with now. She hadn't planned to end up at the Bougainvillea estate today, nor did she think she had really desired closure on the subject of where she'd come from but it seemed, whether she liked it or not, the matter was indeed closed.

Dietfried was the only person in the world she could ask about it and he'd said he didn't know. Sure he could have been lying. He could have set the fire and stolen her away but, not that Violet was a professional, she didn't think he'd been lying to her. Still, snatching her up was still wrong, but she could at least let herself believe he hadn't murdered her and Benedict's parents.

That matter was closed as well. It was all but undeniable that they really were siblings because of the situation Dietfried had described. She'd been found alone on the outskirts of town during the fire. Like she'd left the house before the fire was set or that someone had stolen her away but lost track of her somehow. And that's where the trail ended. Without answers. No sense worrying about it beyond that when she had so many other problems to sort out.

What was she going to do about Trevor?

What could she do for Trevor?

She wouldn't have to wait very long for the answer it turned out. When she reached the top of the hill to the Postal Company she spotted his black bike parked out front of the building beside the rest of the delivery bikes. An idea began to form in her mind and it was nearly complete by the time she made it to the large double doors. She yanked one open and there, leaning against the reception desk she found him. She broke into a slow jog and lifted the sides of her dress.

He turned when he heard her heels clacking loudly in the bustling room and she came to a stop, red in the face with her eyes still a little red from crying and she could see the worry grow in his face in only an instant. He reached out and caught her hands with his own and bolted upright.

"Violet are you alright?" He asked as he looked behind her from whence she'd come, only to find no one chasing her.

She was breathing heavily but managed a quick, "I'm fine," before drawing in a deep breath and looking up to him. "Would you consider coming to work as a postman for the CH Company?" The words shot out of her mouth and the receptionists gave her a strange look. Trevor did as well though his was different. The woman's look said 'since when are you the hiring manager,' but Trevor's was a lot more complicated.

"Vie, have you been crying?" He asked softly and she felt his fingers brush over her right cheek.

"I...it's nothing," she shook her head in a tight rotation and tried to steer him back toward her question. "The pay is fair and you already have your own bike. I'm sure President Hodgins would gladly-"

"What would I gladly?" She heard from behind her and Violet spun on her heels. She found Hodgins walking up toward them and the front desk as if he were just returning to work.

"Sir," Violet straightened her back and sucked in a deep breath. "I was just...I," she began as she began to realize that people all around the room were looking at her. From up on the railing of the second floor, to the receptionists and postal workers on their way out of the building after a long day. All their eyes were fixed squarely on Violet. Violet let out her held breath and shut her eyes tight. She needed to breathe. This wasn't the time to let her emotions take over again. She didn't need every single person she worked with knowing that she was having stress attacks.

She drew in another breath and opened her eyes. "I'm sorry for barging back in like that," she said softly and hoped that Trevor wouldn't be able to hear the strain in her voice. "I was...wondering if I could...ask for your help sir," she explained as vaguely as she could. The last thing she needed was the status of Trevor and his father's relationship being gossipped about in her workplace.

"Sure," Hodgins shrugged in confusion before straightening up. "I need to see you in my office anyway. You've got a...rather unusual request."

"Unusual?" She tilted her head. "In what way?"

"Come on up and I'll tell you," he nodded up toward the rafters and started toward the stairs. The rest of the building began to move around her as people began to file out. She turned back and found Trevor leaning back against the desk with his hands folded over his chest, angling a far more stern look at Violet than she had expected.

"I...I need to go," Violet said softly before stepping toward him. He looked so closed off and it made her squirm. She didn't know what to do. She needed to talk to him but wasn't her job supposed to come first?

She watched him suck in a deep breath and tilt his head up toward the curling and exhale it. "I'll be here," he said as he returned his eyes to hers and shoved his hands down into his pockets.

"I'm...I'm sorry if I...said something wrong," she said and thought she actually felt her lip tremble.

"You...didn't. It's not...it's fine. Go have your meeting," he nodded toward the stairs.

"Okay," Violet breathed and nodded up to him. She followed Hodgins up to his office and shut the door behind her. When she turned back she found him sitting at his desk with a letter. "What is the unusual request?"

Hodgins sighed heavily and opened the letter back up. "The York family of Drossel has requested you as a tutor for a student at an all-girls school. Isabella York is her name," he said and Violet cocked her head to one side.

"A...tutor? Like a teacher?" She asked, confusion spreading over he features.

"Right."

"Sir I...I am an Auto Memories Doll, not a teacher."

"I know Violet. I wouldn't have brought this to your attention at all, normally a request like this would be passed on immediately."

"Then, something makes this job abnormal?"

"You specifically were recommended to the York family by the Drossel royal family."

"Miss Charlotte? Why would she recommend me for such a job?"

"Honestly Violet I'm not sure but the fact is that it would look very bad for our company if you refused," he shrugged. "It is up to you in the end which jobs you agree to. Though to be fair you might make a good teacher. You never know. You're well beyond your years in terms of etiquette and formal behavior, which is most of what this Isabella needs to learn. Not to mention that you do learn quite quickly. It could work out very well."

"How would I tutor this person though? If the school is in Drossel then I would need to travel there. How long is the job?"

"Three months," Hodgins said carefully and watched Violet's eyes go wide.

"Three months?" Violet nearly gasped. The longest job she'd ever taken had only been a few weeks long at most. Between helping Mr. Webster finish his last book, helping Leon copy down ancient texts, and helping Miss Fliech write the finale for her play, Violet doubted that all three of those jobs totaled up to even two months. What was she going to tell Trevor? How could she leave the city for that long knowing that he was in danger?

"I know it's a lot but like I said...we're in a bit of a bind here. It's hard to turn down a royal request without causing problems."

"When would I need to leave?"

"As soon as possible. Tomorrow morning if you can manage it."

Violet nodded as confidently as she could muster and pressed her lips into a tight line. "Yes sir."

"Now, what were you wanting to talk to me about in the lobby?"

"Oh," Violet jumped. "I. I was wondering sir if...if we needed another postman?"

Hodgins was quiet for a moment as he studied her before he blinked. "For Trevor you mean?"

Violet just nodded nervously.

"Well, he comes from a much higher paying position than that. He does already have his own bike though which would be a plus for our numbers."

"Do machinists make a lot of money?" Violet wondered aloud.

"Oh yes Violet," he confirmed. "It would be a significant downgrade from what he makes now. Sure I could offer him a little more than the starting pay since he comes with his own transportation. But in the end, it's up to him to determine if it's a livable wage for his lifestyle. That's something he would need to decide."

"So then...you're saying you would offer him the job?"

Hodgins smiled. "If you think that that is the best way to get him away from his father then yes Violet, I would."

The edges of her lips pulled up into an almost too tight smile. "Thank you, sir!" She said as she turned for the door and before he could say anything more she was out in the hallway rushing back toward the lobby.

She found Trevor right where she'd left him and this time she wasn't out of breath but instead, not sure what to say first. "So what was the meeting about?"

"A commission. A very unusual request by the kingdom of Drossel."

Trevor blinked in surprise. "Wow, that sounds like pretty serious stuff. What about?"

"They have recommended me to another high society family to tutor their daughter at an all-girls academy in Drossel."

"Really? Do you do that kind of thing?" He asked skeptically.

"No," she admitted easily. "However I am not in a position to be denying a royal request like this. I'm not sure if I'll be any good at it but...I need to try."

"How long will you be gone?" He asked and it was Violet's turn to blink in surprise. "What?" He asked. "Is that a weird question?"

"No, I...I didn't think you'd be so accepting of the idea. Drossel is not close. I'll be gone for three months and we likely will not see each other."

"Well yeah that sucks don't get me wrong but like…" he paused to breathe. "If you gotta go, you gotta go, ya know?" He shrugged. "Your job comes first I would think. Id never want you to turn down an important job just to keep me company," he smirked and Violet felt a wave of relief wash through her. She hadn't seen him smile like that in a while.

"You...you really are too kind," she smiled back and pushed herself into his grasp, threading her arms under his and around his back. She pressed her cheek into his ribs as he pulled her tight to him. "Oh and...I'm sorry for blurting out that question earlier I...I was emotional."

"It's fine Violet. Being emotional isn't a bad thing. Did you mean what you asked though?"

"I just asked President Hodgins. He said if you would be okay with a pay cut he would gladly hire you. That it's up to you," she explained before she pulled back. She studied him as his face scrunched up like he was doing math in his head.

"I'd have to think about it. Maybe take some time to save up some money first."

"Well...we could always wait until I get back?" Violet suggested cautiously. She didn't want to wait that long of course. Nothing about this was convenient for either of them. She wanted him free from his father's control as soon as possible but there really didn't seem like a better option right now.

"I think that would be a good idea," he sighed softly and he slipped his hand into hers. "Thanks for trying to look out for me...it's uh...bit of a new feeling," he chuckled.

Violet couldn't help the smile that spread over her face and she stretched up into the tips of her boots and counted herself lucky he was still leaning against the desk or else he'd have been too tall. She pressed her lips to his cheek for a moment before her heels hit the wooden floorboards again.

"Always."