Lily gazed upward at the stars glittering over the Irish Sea. The moon was still low in the sky, but the air was bitterly cold and Lily rubbed her gloved hands together quickly before lowering her scarf briefly to breath hot air into them. The family had made its annual pilgrimage from their home in Cokeworth to Blackpool's Central Pier to take part in the festivities surrounding the arrival of another new year. It would be 1977 in several hours. Then just shy of a month later, she would be seventeen. While their parents were intent on forcing familial interaction, Lily could not help but reflect sadly on how much had changed over the years.

Despite only being four at the time, she could fondly remember the year the family started the tradition. Her father had somehow managed to balance both she and Petunia on her shoulders. The girls had been giggling non-stop, enjoying the happy atmosphere. Now, such shared happiness seemed impossible to imagine. Petunia only came home from typing school in London for Christmas and New Year's and the bitterness and tension that had festered between them for so long only seemed to have deepened. Right now, the older girl was walking about pouting that her parents had not allowed her to bring her precious slug of a boyfriend on their trip. She was almost nineteen for God's sake.

Suddenly, Lily felt a tap on her right shoulder. Spinning around, she saw the closely-cropped brown hair and chiseled jaw of Lionel Baird.

"I thought it was you," Lionel said. "I got your letter. Didn't think I'd be seeing you until school started again."

Lily frowned. "I'm sorry, Lionel."

"Me too."

"Who's this then?" her father asked, intrigued by the arrival of the male intruder.

"This is Lionel Baird," she offered. "The one I told you was taking me to Hogsmeade."

Lily could hear Petunia huff in the background.

"Pleased to meet you," the elder Evans said, extending his hand toward Lionel for a handshake. "I'm John Evans and these two lovely ladies are my wife Catherine and my older daughter, Petunia."

"Pleased to meet you," Lionel responded quietly.

"Well, I'm sure the two of you would like to catch up, but before I let her go, I'd like to have a word with my daughter in private."

"You really don't need to–"

"Nonsense," said Mr. Evans, "we'll just be a moment."

Lily nodded before accompanying her father to where the rest of the family was standing several paces away.

"This is supposed to be family time, Lily," her father began warningly. "I've already told your sister she couldn't–"

"Dad!" Lily interrupted. "You know I wouldn't do that. I honestly had no idea he'd be here. He doesn't even live in this part of the country."

"She still shouldn't be able to spend time with him!" Petunia protested. "If I can't see Vernon, why should Lily get to see her boyfriend?"

"We went on one date. And he's not my boyfriend anyhow thank you very much."

"Oh of course he's not. Lily wouldn't do that," Petunia snarked.

"That's enough from the both of you. I'm tired of the two of you being nasty toward each other. This is a family trip, Petunia. If you don't have something nice to say – either of you – then keep your mouths shut. We're going to enjoy this tradition. Understood?"

"Okay," both sisters said simultaneously, the first time they'd been on the same page in years.

"Lily," he began, focusing intently on her, "I'm going to take you at your word that this is simply a classmate. Catch up and meet us at the usual spot."

Petunia groaned loudly. "This isn't fair, Daddy! Every time! I have to put up with all these restrictions and Lily just gets to do whatever she wants."

"Enough, Petunia!" their father snapped.

"Don't be cross, dear," their mother soothed. "You and I can do a little shopping at the vendors. I'll let you pick something nice out. I've seen some wonderful clothes and jewelry…perhaps there's something Vernon might like to see you in…" she trailed off, sharing a look with her husband.

"Really?!" Petunia said excitedly. "I can pick something out?!"

"Certainly dear. Of course there are limits…"

"Let's go!" Petunia shouted, dragging her mother toward the shopping area while turning her head to glare daggers at her sister.

"I'd best go keep watch," her father noted. "Here. Half an hour."

"But–" Lily tried to stop them, but they were off and she didn't want to embarrass Lionel by shouting out about the situation. She hurried over to where Lionel was waiting. "I know you don't want to catch up," she said. "I'm sure you're here with family or something too."

"It's dark," he said. "I shouldn't leave you out here alone wandering the pier."

"Look, I can take care of myself."

"We can talk, can't we?" he asked.

A few minutes later, the pair were wandering past the game booths. It seemed that both the still-early hour and the cold had conspired to reduce the length of the normally massive lines. She was relieved that he wasn't pushing things or trying to show off his muscles on one of those idiotic strongman games or whatever they were called. It was awkward – far more awkward than she'd hoped Hogsmeade would be – but they were still partners in Potions and an inability to cooperate wouldn't exactly work well there.

"So. What's on your mind?" she asked.

He turned to face her. "I just don't understand, Lily. I know you don't owe me any explanation and you didn't plan on even seeing me here, but while we are here I guess I thought it was a chance to figure out what I messed up."

Lily sighed. "Lionel, I told you that you didn't mess anything up. You obviously put a lot of thought into it and it showed. It was a good time. But the idea of a relationship…it's something I've wrestled with for a long time and I'm just not ready."

"That's rubbish," he said, "you wouldn't have gone if you weren't at least a little interested…would you?"

"I…" how could she say this without lying? "I honestly didn't think it would work out before we went. I know there were some things I did to make the trip awkward. And it was still fine, but I'm still not ready. I don't know how I can make you understand. Sometimes I don't understand…"

"So I was just a test? That's really fu– that's really messed up, Lily."

She stared at the clear sky, ignoring his eyes. "I know it is." He stared toward the lights where couples were laughing, kissing… "It is," she said, finally meeting his eyes. "I should've just said no. But maybe I'm not the perfect Gryffindor all the time. Maybe sometimes I'm a coward."

"Yeah," he said. "Maybe you are."

If it had stung to say it stung worse to hear without even the most tepid reassurance that she wasn't. But she couldn't go through that door again. "We still have to work together you know," Lily ventured.

"You think I'd screw up my work because of this?" he asked, gesturing between them. "That I'd screw up our work? I'm not an idiot. I was always going to ride you to a better mark. That's why I picked you when I saw you and that creep weren't partnered anymore."

A part of her felt it was just anger on his part, but a part of her wondered if it was true. She'd known that he couldn't have more than snuck into the class by more than the skin of his teeth. Using her would make sense. It wouldn't be the first time. "You don't mean that, she paused, "you're too good for that."

"Am I?" he said fiercely.

"Yeah. You are."

Lionel took a deep breath and shook his head. "It's class. It'll be fine."

Lily nodded. "Yeah."

"I guess that's it then," Lionel said, turning to walk away.

Lily caught him by the shoulder before he went too far. "I really am sorry, Lionel."

He stared at her, searching her face for more than a moment before nodding. "I know you are."

Lily watched as Lionel disappeared into the growing crowd. Without anything tying her to him or any place in particular, she wondered what there was to do with the last – she checked her watch – fifteen minutes she had to spare. She wasn't interested in getting back early. At best, she'd have to hang around waiting and at worst she'd have to deal with more of Petunia, whether it was more of her childish griping or smugness about Lily's mood.

She'd definitely be in a mood. All the way back to their meeting point she re-hashed the Lionel situation in her head. She felt like shit. She was shit. A coward? That felt right too. Doing what she'd done was a total Slytherin move and she'd gone through with it even against the advice of her friends. For what felt like the first time since she was a small child, she had been legitimately cruel.

Lily was standing stock still, looking at the sky when she heard her parents get back and detected Petunia's aura. The family all held hands, her in the middle, as the fireworks exploded above them. Her mother and father pinched their youngest daughter between them as they kissed like so many others in the celebratory crowd. Even Petunia was cheering, in awe as always of the ongoing cracks, explosions, and fizzles that filled the sky. Lily found herself focusing on the smoke that was left behind – ugly remnants of the year gone by.

A/N: This chapter turned out to be a short one too which, unlike the last chapter, wasn't really by design. Originally I had some all-around New Year's plans, but in the end I decided to devote this to a little increase of self-awareness on Lily's part. Lionel gives her a shock she didn't plan on – she's not always as smart as she thinks and not unfailingly kind or selfless either. This may serve her well in future chapters.

As always, thanks for reading! If you're enjoying the story, please leave a like if you haven't already and review below!