Well, here it is! The last chapter. Let's all breath a collective sigh. Seriously though, I cannot begin to thank each and every one of you who is and has been reading this story and reviewing. It means so much to me, especially as this is my first story ever. So, thank you! I had the idea for this story a while ago, but it was never complete in my mind, so when I started this it was really a shot in the dark. But I wanted to do this and one of my favorite authors always said, 'Write what you want to read.' So, I did. And I'm super thankful that other people found it worth wild enough to read along.
I hope Susan came off as believable here. I've read all the Narnia books (they're my favorite series), and she never once seemed like the annoying kill joy, or the over bearing sister, so many fics make her out to be. I feel like her title of Gentle has been used against her to make her seem not as important or lacking the capability for fun. And I know that sounds harsh, (and I am totally aware that she isn't always portrayed like this) and I truly mean no offense by that to anyone who writes her in a different way than I do. But I see her differently. She wasn't a bad or boring character. She just struggled with her faith, which is actually a very relatable thing. Though she isn't my favorite Narnia character, I never disliked her and I feel that she just doesn't get the appreciation or love that the other three Pevensies do. So I wrote this in hopes of giving her that. I wanted to show the love her family has for her. If you read The Last Battle, you'll find that her brothers and sister never say one bad thing against her. The book says, "My sister Susan," answered Peter shortly and gravely, "is no longer a friend of Narnia." Which, in context, is him explaining only her lack of faith and why she wasn't among the '7 friends of Narnia' in the book, not that he was condemning her. The rest of what is said about her that paints her in a bad light comes from Eustace, Jill, and Polly. The first time reading it, I got the feeling by the way Lewis wrote it that Ed, Peter, and Lucy didn't like people talking bad about her, which is a very sibling-esque thing. They can speak bad of her, but no one else can. As is proven by Peter making them change the subject and Edmund and Lucy not saying a word on the matter to confirm what the others were saying about her. So, I guess I did this for all four of them in that sense. (Also, Susan totally made it to Aslan's country (: at least in my book she did)
Wow, that was long! And so is this last chapter! Oh well, hopefully you don't mind that, considering you've read this far into the story! Thanks so much for reading, truly, it makes my day!
Chapter 20
Everything was dark for a while, but she was much warmer than she had been earlier, when she'd been barefoot, running around the woods in the rain.
She didn't know why she had been doing that, she just knew she had. How odd. What was I doing?
Slowly, pieces started coming back to her as she felt a throbbing behind her temple. She had felt movement, heard voices – no doubt taking her away from all the fighting. Why was there fighting?
She'd been asleep after that – for how long, she didn't know. But it felt like some time, considering she felt too stiff to move. Her eyelids were heavy, too heavy to lift. And she felt dazed, like she was trapped in that moment that hangs perpetually between sleep and waking.
Through the darkness she had occasionally heard pieces of conversations. She strained to listen and to keep her mind from wandering off into a dream.
"Is she going to be okay?" Someone asked.
"I believe so. The gnash wasn't as deep as you thought, she just bled heavily. I'll be able to know more once she wakes up." Came another voice. "On your leave, Your Majesty, I'll attend to our soldiers who need my care. I cannot do any more for her until she's awake."
"Of course, thank you."
There was shuffling and then silence for a while, and she wasn't sure she hadn't fallen back asleep. But more voices, some she recognized, were near. They spoke lightly for a while, and at one point someone was squeezing her hand. Then she was able to make out more.
"You two should go get some rest. We don't know how long she'll be out for. And you've both been up all night and-"
"But Peter! We want to stay! We-"
"No. I don't want to hear it. You both are having to force yourself to stay awake as it is. I'll get you when she's up but until then, go rest. Now, please. I'm not going to let any more little siblings not be taken care of."
There was a bit more whining before it quieted down. Susan didn't know how much time went by after that. But she heard some quiet mumbling, only being able to make out the name Aslan being said, and then later on the creaking of a door. Then silence again. It was a calm silence. She didn't feel scared or uncomfortable. She was at peace, if only for a moment, and allowed herself to relax into that quiet, and sleep more as her eyelids were still so heavy.
When she awoke again, she felt different than before. Her eyelids fluttered open for the first time and her vision blurred before making clear the cream-colored ceiling above her that boasted loudly in its intricate carvings. She simply stared at it for a moment. It was quiet – much quieter than it had seemed before, and she felt like she would be able hear snow falling outside had it been late enough in the year for it. Rather, the more she listened for movement, the more she realized there was a noise. A light pitter patter was tapping against the window. She thought it had been going on for some time, long enough for it to turn into background noise she had stopped noticing long ago.
She pulled herself up into a sitting position and regretted it immediately. A hand flew to her head and felt the soft bandage that was covering her throbbing left temple. She closed her eyes and just sat for a moment, memories of earlier coming back to her in their own sweet time. It's like a dream, or a dream of a dream. Something felt pressing, like she needed to resolve it immediately. It nagged at her, but she couldn't figure out what it was at first. Slowly, she stood and looked around. She was in one of the many parlors that was dotted throughout the Niar Estate. She looked about at the fine furnishings and then found her way to the bay window. Looking out through the grayness, she noticed a few soldiers trotting swiftly from the back door to the out building that housed them. And then it hit her. Her head shot up with a quiet gasp and she nearly stumbled backward at the realization. That nagging feeling had been warranted. She remembered her family.
The voices she heard earlier made sense now. Her brothers and sister had been watching over her. Her heart thrummed with excitement and a warmth at the kindness of the action, at the concern she had heard in their voices, before her heart began to war with the lingering dread that had been with her for weeks. She had always been fearful that no one was looking for her since it seemed no one had been coming around asking about her. She had been afraid she had no family, or that she did, but they just didn't care enough to look for her. But she realized then that that was all wrong. Her family hightailed it here once Peter found her. But why hadn't he told her who she was – who he was to her? Why did he let her go on not knowing? Her heart hurt a little at the questions. Peter wouldn't let her hurt, wouldn't let her go on thinking no one was wanting her home, that no one wanted her. He was her protector – overprotector pretty often – but her hero nonetheless. He looked after his family with a fierce love and defense, one that could even be scary to others if one of his own was hurt badly or threatened. She couldn't bring herself to believe that he'd been playing a joke on her by not telling her the truth. That he was okay with watching her feel alone and lost. She refused those thoughts out right and immediately. But that didn't mean the confusion wasn't there or that her confusion didn't hurt. Peter, why didn't you tell me?
She needed to find her family. Peter was the last one in here, she thought. He couldn't be too far off. Whenever one of them was hurt, he never went far. He liked to keep them in his sight. She turned to go towards the door and into the hall, but realized then that there was another door, off in the corner, one that led into a small study - and it wasn't closed.
The door was cracked open almost half way, enough for her to see Peter sitting at a desk, head caught between both of his hands, eyes trying hard to study or read over whatever he was looking at. He didn't look like he was focusing well. He was obviously very tired and very worn.
She stood there a moment, just looking at him, taking him in. She wondered why she hadn't seen it before. He was so clearly her brother. His face, his voice, his habits and mannerisms. Everything was familiar now. Thinking back on it though, there always was something about him that was familiar. Something that made him easy to talk to, to come to, to build a friendship with so very quickly. It was because she already knew and trusted him. Before it had scared her how quickly she fell into beat with him. But it all added up now. The relief that filled her was enough to make her cry. She knew who she was. She knew who her family was. The only thing that bothered her now was that she couldn't figure out why he hadn't told her. Looking at him, Susan couldn't wait any longer.
When Peter heard the door crack open and his head shot up.
His words came out too fast as he stood up swiftly, knees hitting the desk, and started over towards her. "You're awake! I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, how are you feeling? Are you all right?" She watched him pull up short, restraining himself from going over to her all the way. It made her wince. She knew he only did it because she'd been so adamite about them keeping their distance, about him not treating her like family. Susan could see his eyes were bloodshot and he looked much wearier than she had previously seen him. It made her feel worse.
Peter watched as she began walking over to him, ever so carefully, with her eyes slightly wide and oddly nostalgic. When she didn't respond to his questions, Peter went on. "I'm glad to see you're awake, what happened earlier, well you, you really scared-" Peter was cut off as she reached him and slowly wrapped her arms around him, leaning her head on his chest. Peter was taken back, but only because it had been so long since this had happened, and it was something he had been keeping himself from doing since the moment he found her. Immediately his arms were around her, one hand making its way up to the back of her head to pull her closer, the other around her back.
"How are you feeling?" He asked, more quietly than he intended, though he tried to sound firm and strong.
When she spoke for the first time, it wasn't to answer his question, but to ask one of her own. She sounded quiet and inquiring, and a little sad. "When you first came here, that day I was hanging laundry – you were sad when you saw me. Why was that?"
Peter didn't know what to say at first. How could he tell her the truth without giving it away? "I...I guess I just..."
"I always thought it was because you were hoping that I was going to be your sister. But I wasn't who you were looking for. Was that why?"
Peter paused, still holding her close. He was so tired of lying to her. But what was he supposed to say? "Anna, I - "
"Why didn't you ever tell me?" she asked.
"Tell you what?"
There was a pause as she slowly pulled back, just enough to look up at him. His brows were pulled tight and her blue eyes matched his.
"Why didn't you ever tell me my name."
Peter felt the wind rush out of him. Confusion riddled him in an instant. Did she remember?
"Your, your..." He stammered. What does she mean? He searched her face for understanding but only saw her eyes redden and a look of confusion worsen.
Anna pushed back from him but both kept a hold on the other.
"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked again, voice heavy with emotion. "You mentioned you were Peter Pevensie, King of Narnia, along with your siblings. You told me of each one, that – that Edmund was mischievous and smart, that Lucy was open and sweet, that Susan was missing and it was driving you mad – but you failed to mention that I was her? This whole time? Peter, I don't understand." Her eyes were wet with unshed tears, though she didn't sound angry, but rather, sad and miserable. And how could she not? Peter knew how much she'd been hurting from not being able to remember. Now remembering couldn't make any more sense.
His jaw dropped opened and all he could muster was, "Susan?"
"I thought remembering would make everything better but now I do and I'm still just as confused. All I wanted was my family, was to go home. I told you all I wanted was my big brother. All I wanted was you, Peter! You knew that – why didn't you tell me?" As she spoke, her tears spilled from her eyes while one hand gripped his shirt in desperation and the other pushed lightly against his chest. All of the uncertainty and pain that she'd been holding onto for so long was coming out at that point. Her heart ached and was over joyed at the same time just looking at her brother and knowing it was him. But she was overwhelmed and tired and still so confused.
Relief rush into Peter along with all the guilt that had been weighing more and more on his shoulders and heart since hearing she'd gone missing. Now it was all made twice as bad having her remember but still be so hurt, and he believed it was his fault. He was supposed to look out for her, to help her. That's all she's ever known of him. She couldn't understand now why it seemed like he hadn't been doing that – and how could she? He'd spent weeks with her and not once told her who he was to her, all the while watching her struggle with not knowing or remembering her family.
"I wanted to tell you – I promise you, Susan! I promise. Don't you know I would have right away if I could of? I was sad that day I came here because my little sister looked at me dead on and had no idea who I was! And I couldn't tell you who you were without risking the chance of hurting you worse!"
"What? What'd you mean?" She asked.
"I scoured all over for you when I learned you hadn't shown up like you were supposed to in Tir. And it was no lie when I said I heard of a girl with no memory here at the Estate and that she fit your description. I came here straightway but Fordis told me that it could put you at risk of never remembering – of even hurting you worse – if I didn't give you the chance of remembering on your own. And then Roan told me that you'd already been having trouble, that you were in pain when trying to remember and then I saw it for myself – Susan, you were doubling over in pain, your vision was going – you couldn't breathe! How could I look at you and tell you who you were knowing I could cause you pain like that? Knowing I could cause you to never be able to remember? It killed me to not tell you. It killed Edmund and Lucy. We hated ever second of it but if it meant keeping you safe and helping you along, then we were going to do it. For you. I promise you, Su. Please believe me. I am so sorry."
Susan brows were pulled tight and she looked overwhelmed. "You were just protecting me the whole time?"
"Yes. I promise you, Su."
She shook her head and her eyes filled with tears again. "You stayed here the whole time for me – and I treated you so badly, I-I accused you of trying to replace me! You were putting me first the whole time – I watched you hurting from me being 'missing' and all I did-"
"Hey, hey, hey." Peter put a hand behind her ear to make her look up at him. "No. Don't go there, Su. You didn't know, but I did. And I know why you thought the things you did, it looked like that's what I was doing. Like I was using you when I was really just trying to get you to remember. But you couldn't have known that. It's not your fault. None of it is. I should have done more, I should have gone with you to Tir in the first place like you asked. We might have avoided this altogether. Susan, I am so sorry."
She looked taken back at his words and muddled for a moment. "No, no, Peter, it's not your fault. You couldn't have known. And had you come, well you-you probably would have ended up just like-" Susan stopped. It was like all of a sudden, she remembered something awful. Peter watched his sister look away from him and he knew why. Her face scrunched in sorrow and tears shown in her eyes as she spoke again. "Our soldiers. Peter - they attacked us out of nowhere! Amoren and all the others. The bandits started, started killing them – did you find them, are any of them okay?" The look on her face told Peter she already knew. He had told her before when trying to regain her memory of what he found. But she still was hoping against hope that he'd give her a different answer.
Peter didn't want to answer because he didn't want to see her hurt anymore. But if he didn't speak, it would be worse than saying nothing at all. So when he did, it was gentle. "Su – we found them. All of them. We...we buried them." That's all he had to say. Susan knew. A sob escaped her, though she tried to stifle it. But tears poured out more then for all those she lost than for any pain she felt over not remembering herself. She buried her face into Peter chest and he felt hot tears wet through his shirt. He pulled her close and tucked her head underneath his chin.
"Aslan's mane Su, I thought you were with them. When I found them, I – you really scared me, little sister." And then Peter stopped talking and silently thanked Aslan that she was safe, and remembered, and with him. Then he started talking lightly, doing what he could to calm her down. He brought up Edmund and Lucy and Oreius – how happy everyone was going to be to see that she knew them.
"Where are Edmund and Lucy? I'd like to see them."
"I made them go rest before you woke up. They'd been up all night and on edge. They were really worried over you. I told them I'd get them if you woke up." And as if talking about it called her, Peter and Susan heard little feet bounding down the hall.
"Peter? I went to check on Susan and she wasn't there. You said you'd let me-" Lucy stopped abruptly when she stepped through the door. Her face went pale, aware of her mistake of saying 'Susan'.
"Hi, Lu." Susan said smiling, relief once again filling her at knowing who her family was just by looking at Lucy.
Lucy felt a cord of excitement at seeing her sister, though she still had to try to shake her fear of having messed up away. "You're awake! Are you feeling alright?" Her face brightened at seeing her up and talking and that she didn't seem to be pushing them away considering she was with Peter.
"I have a headache still, but I'm much better than I've been."
Lucy scampered into the room a few feet, but suddenly stopped. She kept herself from running over, much like Peter had, and settled for saying, "I'm so happy you're okay." She stood fidgeting and gave Susan a longing smile. Susan felt guilty at watching her little sister be so cautious and unsure with her. It was so very opposite of Lucy's personality and she could see how difficult it was for the young girl.
"Lucy, there is something we need to talk about." Susan said. Lucy got nervous at those words but nodded for Susan to go on. "I don't care how long I'm gone for. Never let either of our brothers try to plait your hair." Susan laughed and Lucy looked utterly confused, though she recognized those words as some only Susan ever said.
"Our brothers?" Lucy questioned.
"Peter and Edmund, Lu. You do remember them, don't you?" She laughed again with a sweet smile.
"Do you?" Lucy asked rather breathlessly before she could stop herself, feeling scared to hope too much.
"Well, I certainly remember what you looked like when I came home from that trip to Galma. My word, Lu, you had more knots in your hair than I'd even seen. You'd think as good as Peter is with a sword he'd be able to handle a brush better." She said with a smirk, nudging Peter.
Peter threw up his hands. "Hey, I tried! But Lucy wouldn't sit still long enough for me to do a good job!" Peter laughed and nudged their sister back.
Lucy just stared incredulously, wondering how they could have such an easy-going conversation while her world was shaking. "Susan?"
Her older siblings returned their gaze to her. Susan stepped forward with a gentle look and a nod. "Yeah, little sister."
The biggest smile plastered Lucy's face at those words and in an instant, she ran across the room to Susan, nearly knocking her over with her force, quickly being wrapped up.
"I've missed you!" Lucy said, tears making her voice shaky.
"I've missed you too. More than you know. Thanks for waiting for me." Susan thought back to the day she picnicked with her siblings near the back of the Estate, and how Lucy was so heartbroken and tired not having her sister with her. Susan understood her outburst more now, and she couldn't even think how awful it would be to have to talk to Lucy or one of their brothers without them knowing who she was. Of having to play pretend that they were some stranger all in hopes of saving them. Susan held her a little tighter at that thought and kissed Lucy's head. The younger burrowed closer to Susan in response.
"I knew Aslan would bring you back. I knew it." Lucy mumbled.
"You're right. He was watching over us the whole time." Susan said.
…..
Edmund was mostly asleep but at first found it a rather challenging endeavor concerning everything that had been going on. His mind was muddled, and he had been worried to say the least. And now was no different except he was exhausted. That's why he barely noticed the door creep open, the shuffling of feet, and then a weight sitting on the side of the bed his back was to. But he did notice fingers running across his forehead in a soothing way. He let it go on for a moment – it was so lulling, he was falling all the way asleep – but he found it odd. Someone must have needed him for something if they came in here...Then he heard his name being called. Peter had made him go get rest – didn't give him a choice about it. So why was he being woken up now? Then he realized who it must be.
"What'd you want, Lucy?" he mumbled, eyes still closed.
"It's not me, Edmund." She said with a giggle.
"Oh. Then go away, Peter." He pulled the blankets up around him more.
"It's not me either, Ed."
It took him a moment for the words to register. But when they did, Edmund froze, stiffening for a few heartbeats, eyes shooting open. He was clearly untrusting of his siblings to not play some trick on him while he slept. All sorts of uncertainties ran through his mind and now he was unsure as to what he was feeling brushing his hair away.Then he swatted and nearly jumped up to get away from whatever they were doing.
But Edmund stopped abruptly, surprised when coming face to face with his older sister who was sitting on the side of his bed. Edmund was sure he looked ridiculous, but so many thoughts were making his mind reel. He was confused to say the least. But she merely let out a small laugh at his reaction.
"Anna?"
"Sorry to wake you little brother, but I couldn't wait any longer."
Edmund paused for a moment. Did she just say...he stared at her unbelievingly. His mind was still a little foggy from being forced out of sleep. He rubbed his eyes. "Wait...what? What's going on?"
"What we've been waiting for." Peter said.
Edmund looked to Peter, who grinned like an idiot. Then to Lucy, who was almost bouncing with excitement. Then he looked back to the one in front of him. She only looked back at him knowingly and patient – a Susan look if there ever was one.
"I've missed you, Ed. I'm sorry it took so long for me to remember."
He paused, eyes narrowing out of confusion. He looked her up and down and all she did was smile and wait. "S-Susan...?" He said it slowly and stared for another few heartbeats.
"Hi, Ed." She said gently and then pushed back stray pieces of his bedhead that were falling in his eyes. And then he knew for sure. This was his sister. She remembers.
"Susan!" Edmund shot forward, much the same way Lucy had, and held onto her. He tucked his head between her head and shoulder, feeling much younger all of a sudden. For her part, Susan held onto him tighter, feeling overwhelmed in the best way possible while holding onto one of the three people who make up her entire world.
Lucy jumped onto the bed then and wrapped herself around them both. Susan looked up to Peter who stood over the three of them. He smiled the most content, happy smile. He looked like he could finally breathe and he felt that way too. He felt like he was finally able to do his job – and do it well – looking after the three younger siblings he was given.
He planted a kiss on Susan's head and sat with them. They huddled together for a moment, Lucy chattering away in her excitement. Susan just smiled and listened intently, while not letting go of her hold on them, or rather they their hold on her, as she was in middle of them all.
"Edmund told me of the battle! Peter wouldn't let me come, but I saw all of you when you came back. Most of the Narnian's weren't hurt but Fordis was having a time looking after the one's that were." Here she giggled. "He said they all act like babies when hurt. But Captain Leland just got here and had his physician helping them. That way Fordis isn't so busy. He said he wanted to look at you once you woke up.
"That's probably a good idea." Susan said, wincing as she unconsciously touched her bandage.
Peter looked troubled. "She's right, Su. He was pretty adamite about seeing you right away. And you've gone through enough. I want to make sure this is the last of it."
"I'll go see him shortly. But could I have just a few more minutes? I just got my family back."
Peter sighed but was not about to be able to argue with her when she had the look on her face that she did now. He knew from experience that he would fold even if he tried not to. That's where Lucy and Edmund get it from. "Of course."
Susan smiled in response, secretly happy that her big brother was still not immune to her pitying puppy dog looks, as he called them. But hearing Lucy continue to go on and on about all that took place while she was passed out made her mind start reeling similar to how it had been when she first woke up in the parlor. Something still felt pressing, now that she was thinking about it. She had been so distracted at first, she hadn't noticed. But now that she did, she didn't understand. What could be so important, if it wasn't just finding her family? She thought on, forcing herself to recall all that she went through...
Susan looked up with an almost frantic look on her face. "Peter, where's Roan? He's on the property still, right?"
"Yes, why wouldn't he be?"
But she didn't answer him. She shot up, untangling herself from her siblings, and took towards the door. Peter was baffled. He had hoped this was over, but his annoyance with the man was ever present at her need for him.
"Susan? Really, Su, I thought you'd spend a little more time with your family before you worried about him!"
"It's not what you think, Peter! I need to find him. C'mon!" She hollered as she ran down the hall.
Her siblings trailed after her, having trouble keeping up as she tore through the house looking for Roan. The whole time they asked her questions about why she all of a sudden needed him. She answered none of them clearly. She only said that she had to find him. To make things right. That was the only answer they would get as her mind was too occupied on remembering clearly all that she had learned.
The last place she looked was the study he had the bandits in the night before, and when that too came up empty, she ran through the kitchen and past servants, right out the back door.
The rain had stopped, coming to a mere sprinkle, and a way off, Captain Leland was with General Oreius, discussing the few bandits they had captured, all of whom were sitting before them, hands and feet – or hooves – tied. Soldiers were mulling around, all while a few servants ran back and forth from the garden to the kitchen. Susan jogged across of the yard, eyes searching, as Peter, Edmund, and Lucy ran out the back door, trying very hard not to break anything in their hast or knock over a maid.
Susan caught glimpses of a blond head near the Captain and General as she pushed through soldiers, some Narnian, more Tiran. No one took great notice of her at first. Not until she stopped, having landed her sights on the blond man with gray eyes that was leaning smugly against the side of an outbuilding, talking to some Tiran soldiers. His gaze flicked to her, face brightening as he pushed off the wall.
"Anna! I'm so glad to see you're alright, how are you feeling? Peter wouldn't let anyone in – oof" Roan's head hit harder than his back did. There was a sudden pain that shot up his neck and he stared wide eyed at the girl who was shoving him up against the wall.
"Anna-"
"Why did you ask me to marry you?" She asked with a hard look, no nonsense.
Roan looked at her in shock, completely taken back by her behavior, utterly confused. "Anna, what's going on? Are you feeling alright? Why are you-"
"Answer my question."
"Because - because I love you. Because I want to give you a home, a family!" He said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"And it has nothing to do with the family I already have?"
"What? What are you talking about?" He sounded exasperated, like she had gone mad, and pushed against her weight to stand straight. But he simply found himself back against the wall as she pushed again and held him in place, hands on his chest.
"You truly wanted nothing from me?" She pried.
He looked at her dead on, gray eyes trying to appear soft and serious while they grappled for a hold on her. "Nothing more than your love in return. And your happiness."
Susan scoffed and rolled her eyes so hard it hurt her already aching head. "That's not what you told Taron."
At that, anyone who wasn't already watching them was now, as Roan stuttered over his words, paling at her's.
"W-who is Taron? Anna, I assure you...I don't know what you're talking about, you sound like..."
"Like what?"
He gapped, then lowered his voice. "Well, I'd rather not say. But trust me, I do not think you want to be acting like this – making a scene like this – in front of everyone."
"What, do I sound crazy to you?" She laughed slightly. "Or is that just what you want me to think? Losing your memory doesn't make you an idiot, Roan."
"I never said that."
"Then what are you saying?"
He looked like he was losing his handle on his tightly reined in emotions as he constantly glanced around, noting all the eyes on them. "I don't understand what you're talking about, where is all this coming from?"
"Oh, don't look so confused, Roan. Or are you just upset that I'm finally the one making you feel that way and not the other way around?"
He started to look angry now. "What? No! I've never done anything to try to confuse you, I've done nothing but help you! I-I love you, all I've wanted was to protect you!"
A scoff came from off to the side and then a voice said, "Yeah, you were really looking out for her wellbeing by letting us in the house last night." And then a few hoarse laughs came. Susan's eyes didn't leave Roan, they didn't need to. She knew whose voice that was, though she had been surprised to hear it.
"Thank you, Filleus." She said. "I do believe you were right; you really have been kinder to me than most I've dealt with recently. Definitely more so than Roan. And you're a brigand."
"My pleasure, Queenie." Said the satyr, who now sat at Oreius' hooves, tied and captured just like Susan had been the night before when he guarded her. Despite his current position, he looked rather happy to pull Roan from his high horse. If he was going down, he was taking Roan with him.
"Are you going to believe this-this criminal over me?!" Roan bellowed.
"Yes, actually. Oreius, arrest this man."
"For what?!" Roan yelled, baffled, eyes bulging.
"For your plot against the crown of Narnia. For your lies and deception and willful endangerment of the Queen." She said it with all the cold authority and veracity of a monarch. Oreius stepped forward, seeming to not need to know if his Queen remembered who she was or not. He didn't even seem surprised at the allegations brought against Roan. He was all too happy and at ease grabbing hold of the young lord's shoulder to bring him into custody.
Susan let go of Roan then and was turning back the way she came when he called out.
"Anna, wait! Please! If you ever cared for me at all, just stop and think a moment!" Susan stilled at his words and slowly started to look back at him. Roan looked her in the eye, innocence overcoming his features. His voice became calm and smooth, and his lips quirked up on the side. He was deploying every ounce of charm he could muster. And indeed, he did look convincing and kind and good and everything Susan had hoped he was. When he spoke now, he made her feel as if no one else was there. "You know how much I care about you. Of all I've done for you. I took you in, I gave you a home. I cared for you in a way no one else has. Certainly, I would never do what you are accusing me of. I mean, whose words are you going on – that of thieves and murderers? Are you going to trust them, or me? Think about this, Anna."
Her gaze turned as sharp as a dagger at that last word. "My name is Susan! Susan Pevensie. Queen of Narnia. And I am going on no one's words but your own, Roan Niar. I heard you last night. I saw those bandits go into your study and I listened as you talked of the deal you made with them! You can end your mind games and manipulation. You will get no further with me. And I doubt the warden who looks after you in prison will be any better, should you live that long. You were the government official who gave that group of bandits the knowledge of where I'd be riding into Tir at. Isn't that right, Fellius?"
"Right that is, Your Majesty." The satyr said smugly and Susan went on.
"And for that, you, Lord Roan Niar will stand trial for your part in the murder of Narnian soldiers, the injury and deception of the Queen and the plot to risk my life for your own gain."
"Ann-Susan – please, you have to listen to me! Why would I do that? How could you think I would do that? What you heard, you're wrong, you're confused-"
"No, I understand. No thanks to you."
He looked helpless, like he was coming unwound. "What would I have to gain from tricking you?!"
This time Filleus spoke up again. "What wouldn't you have to gain, a disgraced young lord who lost his prestigious military job and dragged his family name through the mud, by pretending to save a Queen from the bandits who held her hostage? Certainly, there is no redeeming reward in that." He said sarcastically.
"He's lying! I didn't even know who you were when you came here- not until Peter showed up! You were hurt, alone, and without a memory! I welcomed you!"
"Oh, that part is true, Queenie." Said Filleus, "He was wondering what happened to our deal, why we hadn't sent word to him about your capture. Especially after you still didn't show up to your fancy diplomatic meeting. But don't let him fool you, he's known to get around with the ladies too. That's probably the only reason he let you in his house in the first place."
Roan had an enraged look on his face and he was about to retort when another voice spoke up.
"The satyr is right. He loves any pretty young lady he feels he can manipulate. His favorite maid before you came here was me. Before that, it was a girl named Anna. That's why he named you that. She had dark hair too." It was Rayel, sounding quiet and sullen, who had been running back and forth from the garden, gathering food to bring to the kitchen to make a meal for all the new soldiers. She overheard the whole thing transpiring, and now at her words, Susan began to understand why the girl had been so cruel to her.
Rinda, the one who had told Peter of the girl without a memory that fit Susan's description walked up next to Rayel. "She's right. I told King Peter he liked you, but I didn't realize the full extent at the time. And I was afraid to tell the King that Roan was lying about not having gone into town before he got here, about not hearing of the lost Queen Susan. He had gone into town just to find out that you hadn't shown up for your meeting. Like the satyr said, I've no doubt now that he was supposed to be there for it." She said quietly, and dipped her head in a curtsey to Susan.
Oreius was behind Roan now, two firm hands on his shoulders. Roan's head hung low, before he lifted his gaze again to Susan. He no longer looked kind and charming, neither was he raging or angry. Now his gray eyes were cold and distant. He looked vicious and cruel. Susan wondered now, despite his hair color and build, how he ever reminded her of Peter. When he spoke, it was low and smooth and steely. "Susan, everything I did was for you. I kept you safe from those bandits – did you ever think I was going to let them hurt you?"
"They did hurt me – they're the reason I lost my memory in the first place!" Susan said.
"That wasn't my fault!" He spat out. "They weren't going to hurt you – that wasn't part of the deal. They were only supposed to hold you for ransom, get their money, and then let me save you. I only wanted to protect you."
"That's not protection, Roan, and it was all done for your own selfish reasons. I trusted you. I cared for you – you were my friend, my family while I was here! But you are nothing more than a liar and a manipulator. And you will get all that you deserve. You will be stripped of your title and of your standing in society. Your name will forever be marred with the crimes you happily committed and your hands will be covered in the blood you have spilt. As is fitting for a man of your character. Everything you ever desired to get out of your corruption will be what laughs in your face and is left just out of reach." And with that, Susan turned to leave, as graceful and confident as ever. At all this, Roan yelled, no longer standing limp under Oreius' firm hold, and used all his strength to lung out at Susan, hand flying out to grab her. But as quickly as it happened, another's strong grasp caught Roan's wrist.
Roan's fingertips only grazed Susan before Peter forced himself in between them, his hold on Roan strong enough to snap the lord's wrist if Peter only flicked his own.
Roan jolted straight, eyes locking with Peter's. His look of vile and vicious anger melted as Peter's look of complete and utter fierceness pierced him, the King's grip tightening. In that moment, Roan finally understood all the stories of Peter the Magnificent, of all the tales of his untamed skill and threatening intensity in battle. Because the way Peter looked at him now, Roan felt that his sheer audacity of reaching out to touch something that the King loved was the most foolhardy thing he's ever done.
"You will never touch her again." Said Peter, with such a finality and coldness that it sent a shiver down spines.
But Susan was unfazed, smiling lightly even, as she wrapped her arms around Peter's torso and reached up onto her tippy toes, head lulling to the side as she looked at Roan over Peter's shoulder. "You see Roan, it didn't matter if I remembered or not. My family wasn't ever going to let you hurt me." And with that, she was done. "I don't wish to see him anymore, Peter."
"You heard her, Oreius. Take him away."
"With pleasure, Your Majesty." Oreius grabbed the man, but cocked a head over to Susan, adding, "I'm glad to have you back, my Queen."
She smiled at him. "I've missed you too, Oreius."
He smiled warmly at her, and then yanked the man who dared harm the girl he loved like his own, hauling him out of sight, taking him to Captain Leland to stand in judgement before his own.
Susan started to walk away, feeling a sense of relief that she'd been searching for for longer than she realized. She finally remembered. I know who I am.
Then a voice quietly called to her.
"You lied to me, Queenie."
Susan stopped, and turned around at the voice. She found Filleus, still tied, sitting on the ground under the ever watchful eye of Narnian soldiers. She noticed that a few dwarfs that weren't Racor were with him.
"How so?" She asked.
He smiled up at her. "You said the Narnian's had twice as many men as we did. I counted. You were short a few, to say the least."
Susan smiled in return. "Well, what can I say? I was being held hostage. Exaggeration is your friend in those circumstances. Besides, I'm surprised you believed me in the first place."
"I didn't. Not until you sent that lion after us."
"Lion? What lion?" It was Peter who asked now, walking up to stand beside his sister.
"What lion? Oh come on, High King. You've already captured us, no need play coy now. That lion of yours caused our whole operation to collapse. Had our men splitting up and running straight to you."
Peter looked at Susan confused. She looked the same, but added, "I did hear a lion, Peter. I didn't realize then, but...well, I think Lucy was more right than she knew. Aslan was looking out for us."
…..
The Pevensie's didn't stay at the Niar Estate much longer after that. They were all more than happy to leave and return home. Each one of them felt an odd feeling when leaving, as the cold autumn air blew colorful leaves across the gray sky. Though none spoke of it to each other. All four stayed a little closer together on the return journey home, not willing to stray too far away from their family. Susan continued to remember little bits of her time at the Estate that started to add up more, and made Roan appear more vicious than ever. It left her with goose bumps, thinking of what might have been had she stayed any longer, or not remembered at all, or not had a family that fought so hard for her. She thanked Aslan over and over for them, and for him not abandoning her, even when she had felt most alone. He knew all that was happening, even when no one else did, including herself. And he had not left her for a minute. It was because of Aslan, and by Aslan, that Susan knew who she was.
And that's a wrap! Ahhhh - I can't believe this is finished! What a labor of love this has been. Again, I cannot thank you all enough for reading and reviewing this story as it has progressed. Please let me know now what you think of the ending! It would mean a lot to me! And please keep an eye out for my other stories. I have one I've started to post on here that I am going to be updating soon. I also plan on writing more.
My goodness, this is odd being done. As this was my first story, looking back I've definitely learned a lot throughout the process. It wasn't perfect at times but I thank you all who stuck it out with me and kept coming back to read this each week. You're the best. Thank you!
~ Scarlett Cash