Story: Zirconia

Chapter Seventeen: Quiet

"You are at once both the quiet and the confusion of my heart; imagine my heartbeat when you are in this state."

― Franz Kafka, Letters to Felice

Claire -

It was hard to believe he could be so relaxed after telling me this.

"That's not true. I wouldn't have put the time in if you were just an experiment." He returned, infuriatingly calm. "I haven't been poisoning you, I've been improving you, safeguarding you when I couldn't be present to protect you myself. Should I have let you go with no protection if you really could have been killed by my enemies? You needed some sort of shield."

"You didn't even ask me!" I shook my head. "I can't believe you. Chris was right about you. You are just a monster. You…"

My lungs lost air as he pushed me back into the bed with such speed I barely could follow, one of his hands holding the back of my neck and the other pinning my right arm where his body had pinned the left. I could make out the glimmer of red beyond his glasses, the simmering anger at my arguments.

The mention of Chris probably didn't help, knowing how Wesker felt about my big brother.

"Why should I need to request permission to protect you? You're mine, Claire Redfield, you have been from the first moment you were caught in my interrogation room. From the first time you tried and failed to lie to me. When you agreed that we'd play our little game." He hissed back, I'd broken through the cold exterior, but wasn't enjoying this. His grip on my wrist was absolute, it wasn't painful but it would be if I struggled. Was this the man I'd come to care about? He wasn't as controlled as I would expect...was something else going on? Or was this always him and I'd just missed all the signs?

"You...you're right." I replied nervously, I knew arguing wouldn't get me anywhere. Perhaps if I was nicer he'd at least let me go and I could possibly run...though I wasn't sure where I could run to. I couldn't move faster than him. "I get you were trying to help, but don't you understand what a violation it is to have someone else inject you with things you didn't know about?"

His grip lightened at the question, I could have pulled away, but I remained, waiting to see what he had to say. How he could possibly explain this uncomfortable breech of my personal space, my body. He should be able to empathize given his own history. "I see your point...though you aren't completely listening...being with me was the exposure, Claire."

"What?" I swallowed slightly at the comment, remembering the many many times we'd had sex when I was just trusting my birth control. It had kept me from pregnancy, but we'd lain bare almost every time… "You mean…"

"You're clever enough to not need it spelled out in grand detail." He pointed out. I stared at his face, able to barely make out the red of his eyes through the dark lenses. I liked the heat of his body against me, and wanted it. I hated that too, but it didn't change how I felt. Was that because of his disease? The stuff inside him calling to something inside me? No, that wouldn't make any sense, I'd been attracted to him before his death. My body just missed him much more than my mind in the moment. He leaned further in, taking a deep breath as his nose traced the nape of my neck, his voice thicker and lower than a moment ago. "I'd be happy to dose you again. Once we get somewhere safe, isn't that what you wanted?"

"I wish it were that easy Wesker, I do." I returned. I hated that I'd let him poison me…sure, I wasn't pregnant but I was definitely something else... I didn't even know what he'd done...how it worked...but I couldn't exactly take it back now. I had met him knowing all the things he was capable of...and I had said before he'd never hurt me. Nor had his actions been intended that way...even if I hated his choices, I didn't hate him.

"It can be that easy, Claire...I can take you from here and we can remain together." He leaned closer, releasing my right hand to draw his fingers up my arm, leaning down to whisper in my ear. "You just have to come with me. It's what you wanted before, it wasn't possible then...but it is now."

"For you…" Did I have to sound so distracted? "It's not for me now...I have too much I need to do. I…"

He cut me off, pressing his lips into mine. I kissed him back, my now free hand digging into blonde locks to mess his slicked back style. I wanted to protest, but not as much as I desired his touch, his taste. I was dizzy on Albert Wesker in mere moments, letting out a small sigh of protest when he broke off the kiss, arching after him only a split second before realizing what I was doing and frowning.

How did he always manage to make me forget myself so readily?

"Claire, I can't stay here long. I need to know if you'll come with me." His voice was still heavy with his own lust.

"Not exactly a fair tactic to kiss me like that first." I pointed out. "You know I can't. I have to get Terra Save off the ground. I can't just disappear now. Moira is capable but she can't handle it all on her own."

"Oh? And after you get your charity up and running?" He pressed.

"Maybe...I need time to think about it. About everything it would mean." I said honestly. I wasn't willing to refuse him outright, partly out of self-preservation but also because I wasn't sure I wouldn't wish to be close to him in the future. If I refused completely, would I regret it as much as I expected? I knew I wanted to complete Terra Save, but once that was done...I lacked excuses.

"I can't blame you for being prudent." He replied, though I could sense the distaste in his voice that I hadn't immediately agreed. "All right. I'll let you finish with your charity and we'll revisit this."

"I think that would be wise." I agreed, my hands still sliding along his back and arms. "How long do you have now?"

"Not long enough…but I will make it work." He murmured, pressing me into the bed again…

Claire - Three Years Later - New Year's Eve (2008 - almost 2009)

Lustrous marble floors reflected the glamoured guests dancing or chatting along its surface. The gentle golden glow of candlelight offered ambient light while reflecting off the fancy costumes in an ocean of glittering beauty. One of many bright meetings in an ocean of expensive meetings, gourmet dinners, and luxury events. The elegance went unappreciated by me; the people here were more concerned with being seen than seeing…

I shouldn't have come. I wasn't in the best mood.

This was an event I should be overjoyed about. A celebration of the culmination of our charity coming together and reaching out internationally. I should be chatting with donors and thanking them for all they'd done to help us reach our goals. I wasn't as good at brown-nosing or placation as Moira, but any average day I could manage. Today wasn't average. I remained at my table near one of the back doors to pluck a fourth glass of champagne off a tray.

"You did this, Claire. If you could have just been honest then Jill wouldn't have died."

I closed my eyes, trying to force away the echoes of Chris' voice haunting my mind.

"If you weren't busy spreading your legs for that walking virus then maybe you would have thought about your actions. Who he could hurt…she would still be here."

Jill Valentine's funeral had been exactly one week ago and Chris had torn into me again about my relationship with Wesker once the others had left the graveyard. I didn't have the heart to defend myself when I knew how much Jill's passing had affected him. He had bought her a ring and everything, they'd been more than just partners for a long time. He'd been planning to propose tonight, on the new year. He'd wanted to build a life with her, something they could content each other with in a world of so much loss.

It was worse when I thought about the circumstances of her death…

Was it a total betrayal to Jill and our friendship that I hated more than her death about that night a few months ago? She'd disappeared but Wesker had vanished as well. I hadn't heard from him. No little gifts or notes at odd moments in the days. He'd never had a schedule per say, but he'd made certain I knew he hadn't forgotten about me the last few years. He'd sent notes or flowers or other gifts. I shook my head, not wanting to think about the aid he'd offered me. I definitely didn't want to start crying again, it had taken a small miracle to get my face presentable even beneath the mask.

No bodies had been found, but Jill had pushed Wesker over a cliff hundreds of feet in the air and into the ocean. They'd given up on getting a body back for Jill, so I'd basically buried Wesker as well just before getting accused of being the cause of my friend's death by my brother. I wasn't in a party mood, only a week had passed since the hateful reminder that my love life was apparently the source of all of Chris' pain; I hurt.

I felt as hollow as this pointless affair. All these donors that have to have their thanks when they shouldn't need anything. It was good Moira was here to play host and brown nose. I couldn't do it right now.

"At least the world is better without your nightmarish boyfriend in it."

I glanced out the two story windows that made up one wall of the pricey convention center. They offered an unmatched view of the Chicago skyline and the lake beyond it. The lights reaching out below us rivaling the glitz in the room itself. Chicago had so far survived well despite the constant threats of bio-terror. The view I'd hoped would distract me from my grief, but it was too easy to see the mask reflected back at me. The dark lines around the eyes too much like overlarge sunglasses for me to try taking in the horizon.

I saw some shadow of Albert Wesker everywhere...

I didn't get the luxury of discussing my pain. My brother, who I'd most like to be able to tell already, would never forgive me. He still thought my relationship with Wesker was in the past. I'd never told him that I'd spoken with Wesker after their altercation in Vienna. That I'd been seriously entertaining leaving with him tonight...that I cared about him the way Chris cared about Jill. I couldn't talk about any of it. Who could begin to understand what I'd done? What I felt? Everyone would just judge me the way Chris did...they would say that the world was better without Albert Wesker in it. Perhaps I hadn't always made the best choices, but I'd loved Wesker and I didn't regret loving someone. Love wasn't something we should ever grieve having, just it's absence when it was gone.

I wasn't sure if his death was better for the world or not.

I knew without a doubt that his disappearance wasn't better for me.

Should I have just gone with him three years ago? Could I have somehow done something? Stopped the need of Jill to push him through that window?

"Claire, you can't just sit fretting all night." Moira's cheerful voice popped in as I turned to see the bird-like mask she wore to the ball. "You should participate."

"I'm participating with the open bar." I pointed out, lifting my glass toward her. "You're better at all this stuff than me."

"I know." She preened, leaning closer to nudge my arm and lower her voice. "Look, if you aren't up to this, you can go home. I can handle it. I know things are hard right now. That's why dad didn't come. He wasn't really up for celebrating the new year after Jill."

"I'll be okay, at least the alcohol here is free." I pointed out, finishing my latest flute of bubbly. "You should enjoy it though and not let me bring down the mood. I might leave a little early, but I'm sorry. I don't want to ditch you to do this all alone."

"It's fine. I am capable and I get it. I liked Jill too, but you and Chris were closer like dad." Moira answered. "If you wanna leave you're good, if you wanna stay and drink go ahead. Just try not to alienate any of the donors."

"I'll do my best." I offered a light smile at her comments as she retreated back toward a group of guests.

Barry had done a good job with her, if I could be honest with her she'd probably be the next person I'd tell. Still, it was better to let her think all my sorrow was directed at just Valentine. I raised a brow at someone taking the seat she'd been in until now, smiling slightly when they set down one of the many glasses of bubbly in front of me. It was a good introduction for the moment.

"You seem less than festive." The man's voice seemed vaguely familiar. Small build, a little older by the bits of gray in the hair. Could be one of a few different donors. They probably could recognize me given I'd kept my usual auburn locks visible above the mask. Moira and I both hadn't tried hard to be unrecognized. "Care to talk about it?"

"Not at all." I retorted, lifting the glass and holding it out. Plastering on chipper sarcasm had always been a good coping mechanism. "To ignoring sad shit."

"Indeed." He chuckled and clinked my glass before we both took a drink. "Can I ask for a dance or should I leave you to wallow in your avoidance?"

"I appreciate the offer, but I think I'll stay here. I wouldn't make great company at the moment. Thanks for the drink and offer though." I replied, as cheerful as I could manage at the moment.

"Of course, I paid a lot for it. Perhaps I'll check back later." He winked from behind the cover of his disguise before standing to walk off again. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, downing the rest of my new drink before heading to seek a bathroom. Nearly a bottle into bubbly and I definitely had to visit the ladies room.

I was a bit unsteady as I walked. I probably should have eaten more before downing so much alcohol but the numbness did make the night a little easier. I took off my mask to wash my face and finished my business, hesitating near the door after drying my hands. I was still a bit dizzy and hot, perhaps it would be nice to get some air. I knew where the roof access was so I headed that way. The night air would do me some good and I could avoid the friendly guests for a while.

The outdoors was chill, snow was gathering along the surface of the gravel on the roof's surface. My breath came out in small puffs of steam. None of this was strange for this time of year in Chicago. This cold was nothing compared to some I'd experienced. With the small layer of white it was easy to recall clinging to Wesker's back as he ran me through the tundra of Russia...

I rubbed my arms absently. I lacked a jacket but walked toward the chain link fence that offered a view of the city I couldn't enjoy. I was a half-hour from the new year, and I preferred this somber cold to the friendly warmth exchanged downstairs. I stumbled slightly as I got closer to the fence, slipping on the snow to land on my ass uncomfortably.

What the hell? My eyes were blurry, my mind a little fuzzy...what was happening? A flash of the man bringing me a drink downstairs flickered through my mind. Shit. I knew better than to take a drink from someone. My thoughts as I lost consciousness weren't positive as to what the motives behind this could be.

That fucker drugged me…

End Chapter

That jerk. Poor Claire. Sorry for the lack of Wesker perspective this go. Soon enough, promise. In good news updates should come faster than before cause I've finished roughs through the end of the fic and just need to pretty them up!

-Aura

To my reviewers:

Crystal - Clearly I can't judge on the having a thing for bad boys...writing the fic and all XD.

Evo-500 - Wesker is a piece of work, but it wasn't quite what she thought?

Nspired1 - The idea of a Spenser/Anyone fic is horror far beyond that Resident Evil ever reaches. Things aren't ever completely what they seem with Wesker anyway...