Thank you Adrienette4Life, LapisLazuliRose and JuliaFC for your support!

Reply to reviews:

To Rose Tiger: He deserves more than just a few cuss words fired at him. Thanks for reviewing! :D

To anonymousfriend27: Would it make me an absolutely cruel person if I tell you that I cracked up at your review? I literally read it like 10 times and still couldn't stop smiling. (Have you ever thought of creating a career in comedy?) And don't worry, I wouldn't kill her off this early... But yeah, I wouldn't mind if Gabriel was tossed into a pit of fire. Thanks for reviewing! :D

To Pipinoir: This is as spicy as it gets. Initially, I didn't want to write this, but then I thought that they're seventeen years old kids and well, hormones. Besides, it's MariChat... Have to keep up with the tradition, you know? The reveal in this book is not your typical MLB reveal, mind you. So, I'm looking forward to the reactions of the readers. Thanks for reviewing! :D

To mayuralover: Gabriel is a real (Pardon me for my language) a*hole. I really channelled the Cat Blanc episode here... I really hope that this one ends better. Thanks for reviewing! :D

To Agiani: Life isn't fair... Those who say otherwise definitely have a something to sell. But I know exactly how frustrating it is to wait for the next chapter if the previous one ends at a cliffhanger. Thanks for reviewing! :D

A/N: I've never been so frustrated before. Ugh!

I should just announce that this book has 'any day after a week of publishing the last chapter' update instead of an every Sunday update. Like, whyyyyyyy?

I feel so bad that I can't update in time. But I can't help it... I am so bored and busy at the same time that I just can't work on the chapters. Just, uggghhh!

But whatever, God bless the creators of Brooklyn Nine-Nine! The show's a blessing.

And since my fortnightly tests are on alternate Sundays, I think that I should change the day I update. How does Tuesday sound? It can be Wednesday too, that is if I get the chapter ready in time. God help me...

This chapter is part-angst and part-fluff.

Warning: This chapter's pretty intense and has slight mention of panic attack. Read at your own risk.

Chapter 16

Even If I'm Not Here To Stay I Still Want Your Heart

It had been a very hard time in Paris. Two whole days since Notre Dame collapsed, two whole days since families were torn, two whole days since people lost their loved ones— two whole days since Adrien lost Marinette.

He thought that he knew how life without his princess felt like. But he was wrong! How could he be so wrong all the time?

Atleast earlier he knew that she was living and breathing properly, but now he didn't even know if she was alive or not. He had no idea of knowing whether she was breathing her last breath at that very moment or if he could've saved her by seconds when Notre Dame had collapsed.

He had failed— he had failed miserably as a hero, as a boyfriend, as a friend. He had failed Ladybug time and again by getting possessed by akumas and now he had failed Marinette.

What's the point in anything anymore?

He could do nothing to save her. Most of the debris and had been removed and the victims had been immediately rushed to the hospital. There was still no sign of Marinette.

Adrien clutched Marinette's purse tightly to his chest as if he was afraid that it would disappear into thin air. He wasn't even trying to hold back his sobs.

She couldn't be gone...

He had ran around the Parisian rooftops trying to find her, just in case. He did not want to accept the fact that she could be lying buried under the debris. If he had been hurt by his Mother's departure he was devastated by the fact that there was a possibility that his Marinette was dead.

Princess, I need to know that you are alive... somewhere, anywhere... just not by my side. I can live with that. Please don't be dead.

He hadn't heard from Ladybug since two days but that wasn't his sole concern at that moment. He just missed Marinette. He missed her warm smile, her tinkling laughter, her sweet voice, her beautiful bluebell eyes that he could get lost into. He missed her witty remarks, he missed her hugs and kisses. He missed her warmth and the light she used to carry with herself. He was so addicted to her. He was addicted to her love.

He had once again lost a person who loved him unconditionally. Maybe, he didn't deserve to be loved. He was a bad omen to those who dared to love him. He felt so lost. Poor boy couldn't comprehend anything.

It was too much.

Everything was too much!

Falling on the floor, he curled in on himself and let out an anguished scream. He didn't care. No one was home. Everything snapped within him and he started having trouble while breathing.

Pain wracked his body and he clawed his chest in hope of getting rid of the aching feel of loss. She always made him happy and he had all but made her sad. He had disappointed everyone, he had disappointed her.

"You are my good luck charm, chaton."

"I love you so much, kitty!"

"You are stuck with me forever."

"I'm always gonna be there for you."

"I need you in my life, chaton..."

The images of her smiling face flashed in front of his eyes and the sound of her voice echoed in his ears— her words changing from sweet nothings to bitter comments.

"You are no hero."

"You disappointed me."

"How could you not save me?"

"You failed me, Cat Noir."

"I hate you!"

He tried to cover his ears with his hands, trying to get that voice out of his head. He closed his eyes only to see blood pooling out of Marinette's body. He tried to stop it. He wriggled around the floor but all in vain. It didn't stop. The pain never stopped. It was as if his soul was being ripped from his body. Since when did breathing become so hard?

Stop it, stop it, stop it. Please, stop it!

"STOP IT!" He yelled at the top of his voice.

"I love you, Princess. I'm so sorry." He sobbed.

The pain was too much and suddenly the room disappeared. It was all blur around him and the darkness was suffocating. A voice in his head was constantly nagging him to kill himself. Death sounded so sweet at that moment. He could atleast meet her again.

"Adrien, look at me!" Plagg tried to gain the boy's attention who was having a panic attack.

But he couldn't hear his kwami anymore. He was in a dark room, watching helplessly as Marinette died in his arms. His nails dug in his arms and left crescent bloody marks all over them.

"Kid, snap out of it!"

"You can't leave me here! You said that you'd always be there for me. You can't die!" Green eyes focused on something Plagg couldn't see. The boy rocked back and forth, "Come back, come back, come back..."

"Take me with you!" He didn't realise that he was screaming hoarsely. His voice was scratchy and raw from all the screaming. "I don't wanna live without you..." He whimpered.

"Adrien, what's this? How does it feel like?" Plagg commanded, shoving a very familiar blue scarf in the blonde's hands.

Adrien's hazy eyes wore a confused expression. "S-sof- soft." He muttered.

"Yeah, good!" The kwami encouraged. "What material it is?"

"Wool."

"What colour it is?"

"Col-colour?"

"Mm-hmm."

Adrien's eyes started to focus, "Bl-blue."

"Oh, thank god!" Plagg heaved a sigh of relief. "Kid, breathe with me. In and out, in and out."

With his kwami's help, Adrien was able to regain control over his breathing and calmed down. But he still was very upset. "Plagg," he sniffed, "Marinette- she..."

"Adrien, please, don't cry. We still don't know for sure that she is dead. I mean there is still a chance. It isn't the end of the world." Plagg tried his best to console the grief-stricken boy. He was worried about Marinette and as he knew her secret, he was worried about Tikki too.

"B- But what i- i-if she is? Th-Then it w-would b-be the en -end o-of m-my world." He hiccuped.

Plagg felt useless and miserable. He had never been good at sweet-talk. Then an idea came into his mind. He flew to the mini-fridge where Adrien kept the chocolates Marinette gave him.

"Alright kid, why don't we... Why don't we cheer you up? Here, ha-have some chocolates." He stuttered nervously as he tried to lighten his mood.

Adrien eyed the box in his kwami's paws.

Marinette made these for me. It took an entire day. She gave me this box after our first date.

"Marinette..." His eyes became even more moist than before, if that was even possible.

"Kid, no no no no no! There's still hope that she is alive. I am worried too. But-but she won't like to see you like this. And-and remember what she said about the chocolates, th-they contain a message from her, right? Don't you want to read them?" He panicked. He didn't want Adrien to get more upset than he was before.

A memory surfaced Adrien's mind.

"...each one of them has a message from me so that you can cherish the memory forever."

Adrien blinked out of his reverie. It had been such a great night. Just the two of them. Absent-mindedly, he reached for a chocolate. He let it melt in his mouth. Soon enough, he felt an unfamiliar object in his mouth.

He took it out eagerly. His hands trembled as he unfolded the message. It read. . .

My dearest kitten,

You have the key to my heart... You are the password of my life. I love you.

Yours and yours only,

Princess

Adrien blinked. He remembered the day clearly.

~~Flashback~~

"But this is so not fair, princess. You are my baton's wallpaper. My phone's password related to you too. Don't you think that I should have a role in your phone too?" Cat Noir pouted.

Marinette's face was red from laughing so hard. Her boyfriend was a big dork. A 'role' in her phone? That didn't even make any sense.

"Oh mon dieu! Cat, did you even listen to yourself. That makes no sense. Besides, even if I set my password that's related to you then Alya will know it too. She knows my password every time I change it. I can't risk her knowing, not yet anyway. So let go of photos, okay?" She wiped her tears from laughing so hard.

The pout still remained on his face, his expression was that of a helpless kitten.

"However..."

His ears perked up as if he knew that she was going to say something that he will like.

"...I do have a secret folder dedicated to you in my tablet."

Cat Noir pounced on her tablet and unlocked it. He immediately started searching for the 'secret' folder.

"Have fun finding it, kitty." She smirked.

After numerous failed attempts, he finally gave up. But he was still mad at her. He crossed his arms, turned around and gave her a cold shoulder.

Marinette chuckled. Walking over to him, she slipped her arms under his, reached to his shoulders and gave him a gentle squeeze as she hugged him from the behind, her chest pressed firmly against his back. She tried to put all the affection she had for him in the hug.

Cat tried his best not to hug her back or to stop blushing.

"Oh mon chaton! You have the key to my heart... You are the password of my life." She sweetly said.

That's it! He lost it.

He quickly turned around and held her waist as he peppered her face with sweet kisses as she giggled.

~~Flashback ends~~

A forlorn smile danced on his lips. He reached out for another chocolate. Sure enough, he got another note.

My kitty,

You alone are the beloved,

You are my rain, my morning...

I am your copassenger,

The destination is yours and the road is mine.

You are the hearty one and I am selfish,

It's your boat that is my shore...

I am the musical instrument and you are my rhythm.

You are the song and I am your words,

You are a wish and I am the duty.

It's only because of you,

That I am against the darkness.

It's only because of you,

That without knowing, I improved...

You are the dream and I'm the meaning of the dream,

I considered you my destiny,

In this crowd, I became yours...

I Love You. ️️

Adrien smiled at the beautiful poem. His princess always chose the best words. It was one of her many qualities. He reached out for another chocolate. He finished it quickly for another note.

Dear chaton,

I do adore every little thing you do. Your every action, every word, every memory, I do cherish.

Princess

Adrien remembered the context of the note. It was a day before their first date.

~~Flashback~~

Marinette blinked at the light. It was seven in the morning. Her pillow was so comfortable right now.

She felt it and realised that 'it' was breathing. It was Cat Noir, cuddling with her. He looked so cute! She saw Cat drooling over her sheets. Carefully, she took her phone and took their selfie together.

The sound of a picture being taken awoke him. He had just been half-asleep all this time.

He opened his eyes to see a photo of him and Marinette together. Their cheeks were squished together— the devil was smiling widely while he had his eyes closed and mouth wide open. A bit of drool was coming out of his mouth.

"Marinette! Delete that photo." He jumped up in a seating position to face her, clearly aware of what was happening.

"Na-uh. This is going for the keeps. Besides, it's so cute!" She squealed.

"Mari!" He plunged to snatch her phone but being sleepy, he missed it and ended up falling on her.

He opened her eyes to see hers wide in surprise. His one hand was beside her head while the other was beneath it, he found himself straddling her waist. "I would like to see how you get out of this one, princess." He smirked.

Marinette narrowed her eyes, formulating a plan. Then she smiled wickedly. "Let's see if the cat likes a little petting." She lifted her hand and started rubbing the 'magical spot' on his ears.

Cat Noir leaned into her touch and closed his eyes. Marinette lifted them up and placed his head in her lap, petting him continuously.

He purred happily. Then somehow, he came back to his senses and blushed. He sat up abruptly. "No fair! You cheated. And why do you enjoy making fun of my cat-like antics?" He pouted.

"Silly kitty! I never made fun of you. And I think your cat-like antics are adorable." She reached out for him and continued what she was doing earlier.

Cat, on the other hand, was embarrassed. Once, he had actually rubbed his head against her legs. But, if she didn't mind then who was he to argue. He repositioned his head in her lap happily.

~~Flashback ends~~

Adrien giggled a little as he remembered the sweet memories he had shared with her. It was a sad laughter. So many beautiful memories, so many feelings...

~~Flashback~~

"I am NOT a 'shortie', Cat Noir!"

"Yes you are," The feline snickered. "You are a tiny person, but you do have cute legs." He winked.

Marinette's cheeks flushed. "Shut up, Cat! Just give me my phone back." She demanded, crossing her arms over her chest she pouted at her boyfriend.

"How about you take it from me at your own?" Cat teased the shorter girl in front of him.

He held his girlfriend's phone in his right hand as his right arm was outstretched above his head. Marinette wouldn't be able to reach it even if she jumped.

The girl's head used to reach his nose when he had first met her, but over the years he had grown taller and he could almost compete with his father's height. Whereas Marinette had inherited her mother's short height and was now one the shortest people in their class.

Oh, how he loved being taller than her!

The said person's eyes narrowed to horizontal slits. "Is that a challenge?"

He nodded, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

A 'challenge accepted' was all he got before she caught him off-guard by smiling innocently at him. Before he realised that she was upto no good, she had already kicked his ankle, hard enough to bend him to tend the sour spot and gentle enough to not hurt him. He had no idea that she could do that over the Miraculous armour.

While he was distracted, she easily plucked her phone from his hand. He looked up to meet her eyes. She was the one who was grinning from ear to ear now.

"Challenge completed." She winked.

"You cheated."

"All's fair in love and war, chaton~" She cooed.

"You know what?" Cat Noir got up from his position and huffed, "You're still short."

That teasing comment hit her nerve. She put her phone down on her chaise and grabbed one of the pillows. . . And hit the unsuspecting hero's nose with it. He staggered back with the impact, covering his nose with his hand.

That didn't hurt but was enough to startle him. He quickly ran over to grab a pillow of his own and before they knew it, a pillow fight had started between the two lovers.

Their laughs echoed the room. Sometimes she would hit his chest while sometimes he would hit her arm. She even managed to hit the top of his head once, which impressed him. They ran around in the small room, enjoying their moment. Jumping and hitting each other.

The polyester fiber filling from the cushions was scattered everywhere. It looked like a scene from a girls' movie that had pillow fights during sleepovers. The only difference was there weren't any feathers. Thank God for that!

At one point, he calculated her move and caught her wrist just before she was about to hit him. Her eyes widened with surprise. He dropped his own weapon, snaking his free arm around her waist he pulled her flush against him.

A cute gasp escaped her lips and she looked in his eyes with dilated pupils. In a daze, she dropped her pillow too. He was closer to the wall, so he turned them around and pinned her against it.

The bluenette, as if waiting for the right moment, leaned on her tippy toes and kissed him as if her life depended on it.

Not that he minded.

~~Flashback ends~~

More memories came back to his head. He wanted to relive those more than anything. And that's when he made his mind. He wouldn't sit back and do nothing. He wouldn't be a coward. No matter how hard the truth might be, he would face it. His tear-stained face was now determined. At all costs, he would find Marinette— his love.

"Plagg.

"Yes, kid?" Plagg hopefully asked.

"We are going to Marinette's."

"But-"

"Plagg, Claws Out!"

"I am really sorry. I am trying my best to find her." Cat Noir looked down at his feet.

"It's o-okay, son. We know that you are trying your best." Tom placed a hand on his shoulder reassuringly. "We know how much she meant to you."

Cat looked at him gratefully.

"It's just hard," Sabine's soft voice made it's room in the conversation, "Knowing that our little baby girl can be. . . can be dead." Her kind eyes reflected pain. The pain of a mother.

The blonde hero felt guilty. He had failed to save her. He gulped painfully, "C-Can I go to Marinette's room? You know to..." He voice trailed off nervously.

"You can, honey." Sabine said.

He climbed up the stairs and lifted the trapdoor, entering a very familiar room. He looked over to the window and walked towards it. He looked out of it, touching the steps of the stairs leading to his girlfriend's loft bed.

Another memory bubbled to surface.

~~Flashback~~

Marinette and Cat Noir were sitting on the steps of the stairs to her bed, sipping hot chocolate.

To him, she was the most beautiful girl he had ever met. A goddess, a true princess. She was looking out of the window, her face was illuminated by the sunlight. Her dark tresses shone brightly. She looked stunning, she always did. She was her usual radiant self. And god, those freckles!

"You know that it's rude to stare." The bluenette turned her head to face him.

Until then, Cat didn't even realise that he was staring at her. His eyes widened. "S-sorry." He flushed in embarrassment as he had been caught, "I-It's just that your cute little freckles... They are like stars. They follow me everywhere and I could just kiss you right now an- mmfph."

Whatever he intended to say was drowned in his throat as Marinette yanked him closer by his bell and slammed their lips together, kissing him like no tomorrow.

~~Flashback ends~~

Cat closed his eyes and felt for his lips, remembering how her kisses felt... rejuvenating. Whenever they kissed it felt like he was falling in love with her all over again.

Why do people who truly love me always end up like this?

In a distance, he could hear a song playing.

...There's a time that I remember when I did not know no pain,

When I believed in forever and everything would stay the same.

Now my heart feel like December when somebody say your name,

'Cause I can't reach out to call you but I know I will one day, yeah...

"So this is my punishment? The whole world gets to taunt me." He sighed and closed his eyes, trying to calm down his breaths. No! He wouldn't cry now. He had been doing that for a long time now.

He looked over to the desk where Marinette used to brainstorm for new designs. He smiled, remembering the way how she would stick her tongue out while concentrating.

He ran his hand along the table's edge. As if on cue, a piece of paper fell to the floor from a book. He bent to pick it up. He looked at the paper. It was a letter addressed to Marinette.

He looked at the sender's name and froze.

...And the memories bring back, memories bring back you...

"M-Master F-Fu?" He whispered in disbelief.

A/N: What do you think is gonna happen next? It's pretty obvious...

Adrien's a guy who's used to disappointment and people leaving him. His Father has a habit of controlling his life and locking him in. So it was only natural that he suffered from a panic attack when he realised that there's a possibility of Marinette— the love of his life being dead.

This is like my version of Stormy Weather 2... It was an episode of flashbacks and well, this is the chapter of flashbacks. When I initially wrote this back in December, the book didn't have all the MariChat and Adrienette moments so to compensate, I wrote this. I have no mood to redo the entire chapter.

This chapter's title from the song Takeaway by Illemium and The Chainsmokers ft. Lennon Stella. The lyrics are: Before I love you (nah, nah, nah)/ I'm gonna leave you (nah, nah, nah)/ Before I'm someone you leave behind/ I'll break your heart so you don't break mine/ Before I love you (nah, nah, nah)/ I'm gonna leave you (nah, nah, nah)/ Even if I'm not here to stay I still want your heart. I LOVE their songs and that's one of the reasons why I've used a lot of extracts from their songs in this fic.

Some of the readers from FF have supported this book on Wattpad, which is super sweet. Unlike here, where you guys have been really sweet from the beginning and supported this book from day 1, I didn't get a lot of support on Wattpad when the earlier version of this book was being published for the first time. It was only after Chapter 12 that the readers gave some real response. But all's well that ends well because the readers have started responding there too. Thank you lovely readers! UwU

Don't forget to leave your thoughts in the reviews and follow the story if you haven't already!

Peace, I'm out!