The Hofstadter Isotope
Claire looked up from where she was sitting at Sheldon's desk, her glasses perched on her nose, having been reading through one of his papers for a set of fresh eyes, looking for any errors or mistakes. Not that there ever were many when it came to Sheldon Lee Cooper, but she did find one or two every so often. Sheldon was making a fuss about something behind her, by the coffee table, one look at the bags of food Leonard and the others had brought in and she knew what.
"Problem?" Leonard sighed at the noise Sheldon made.
"This is Thai food," he pointed out.
"Here we go," Howard sighed, grabbing his meal and moving to sit down and eat.
"We don't have Thai food on Thursday. We have pizza on Thursday."
"Yes," Leonard nodded, "But we all agreed that the third Thursday of every month would be Anything Can Happen Thursday."
"Well apparently the news didn't reach my digestive system, which, when startled, has its own version of Anything Can Happen Thursday."
"I gotta agree, Leonard," Claire called over. Even though she didn't technically have a vote in what the guys chose to eat on what night, it having been decided long before she moved there, they still offered to order for her if she wanted to join them, "I was sorta looking forward to Pizza," she'd actually managed to work out what she'd order 7 minutes faster than she usually would, but she'd forgotten it was Anything Can Happen Thursday and so her Pizza was out and she'd scrambled to pick something faster so the boys wouldn't be waiting for her.
Sheldon scoffed, "What you call pizza is not pizza," he remarked, "Pasta should not be mixed with the classic that is Pizza."
Claire chuckled, turning in his wheelie chair to face him, "Baked ziti is usually served with sauce and cheese, like pizza, with bread as a side. Why not just mix it all together ON a pizza?"
"It's only pizza if you actually EAT it like a pizza," Sheldon pointed out, "You order it and then eat the pasta off it, then eat the bread later!"
"At least I don't cut it up with a fork and a knife," Claire teased.
The way Sheldon's face grimaced at the thought of it made her laugh even more. She began to turn the chair back to the laptop, when someone turned it back, Sheldon right behind her, "Yes?" she asked, an eyebrow raised in amusement.
"It's dinner time," he told her.
"I can see that," she nodded, "I just got two more pages left and then…"
But he shook his head, "Eat first, proofread later. And be sure to drink a full bottle of water. You always get a headache faster when you're dehydrated."
Claire could only smile softly as she watched him turn and go to the kitchen to get her that bottle of water himself. It was true…but she was trying her best not to let on that she already had a bit of a headache. Had had one before she'd started to proofread his paper. Apparently group dynamics had broken down in her class during the last time she assigned a group project and she'd spent the better part of four hours reworking her next project and trying to work out groups that balanced each other to assign.
She was sure any other teacher out there would say to just throw the names in a hat and pick the groups that way, but this was her first real crack at teaching and she wanted to do anything she could to make sure her students succeeded. She'd almost forgotten she'd promised to read Sheldon's paper till he asked her if she preferred to do it at her apartment or his.
Penny was on the phone with her brother so she chose the slightly more quiet of his apartment to work in.
The water should help though, refresh her, and a full stomach would be better if she had to take a Tylenol or something after she finished the paper.
She looked over at the guys, who all seemed to be trying to eat as fast as they could while she had distracted Sheldon from nitpicking their choice and shook her head, "Of all the things you could do for Anything Can Happen Thursday, you pick Thai Food? Which you already eat a different day of the week?" she asked them, "Wasn't the point of it to 'get out of your rut?'"
"Rut?" Sheldon latched onto that word before the others could answer, "I think you mean consistency. And if we're going to abandon that, then why even call it Thursday? Let's call it Quonko Day and divide it into 29 hours of 17 minutes apiece, and celebrate it by sacrificing a goat to the mighty god Ra."
Raj perked up at that, quickly grabbing his whiteboard and writing, 'I could go for some goat!' on it.
Claire laughed, "I'm pretty sure Ra would have preferred cattle to goats," she pointed out, "Sheep and goats WERE sacrificed in Ancient Egypt, but not as frequently as cattle."
The guys looked at her oddly for that.
"Minor in ancient history," she explained, "Had to otherwise I wouldn't have known half the scientists Shelly kept talking about."
"Speaking of Sheldon talking," Leonard groaned and looked at Sheldon, "We agreed we'd do something different tonight, remember? You can't complain about something you agreed to."
"Oh, I beg to differ," Sheldon countered, "But if you're so set to do something different, let's go to the comic book store."
Raj shook his head, writing on his board and holding it up, 'We went to the comic book store last night.'
"Last night was Wednesday," Sheldon argued, "Wednesday is comic book night. Tonight, we'll be going on Thursday, because it's Anything Can Happen Thursday."
"Way to think outside, but pressed right up against the box, Sheldon," Leonard muttered under his breath.
Raj frowned, 'So what are we going to do tonight?' he wrote.
"If I may proffer a suggestion," Howard spoke up, "In bars all across this great nation of ours, Thursday night is Ladies' Night. Which means, as the evening progresses, we will get better looking courtesy of 99 cent margaritas and two-for-one Jell-O shots."
Claire wiggled in the seat, using that as momentum to turn it to grab an unused eraser off of Sheldon's desk to throw at Howard's head…though she only managed to hit him in the shoulder as he tried to move out of the way.
"Come on, Howard, the odds of us picking up girls in a bar are practically zero," Leonard told him.
"Really? Are you familiar with the Drake Equation?"
"I'm not sure I want to know," Claire grimaced, just thinking about what sort of equation Howard would need to use to defend picking up women.
Sheldon, however, shook his head at her unspoken assumption, "It's the one that estimates the odds of making contact with extraterrestrials by calculating the product of an increasingly restrictive series of fractional values such as those stars with planets, and those planets likely to develop life? N equals R times FP times NE times FL times FI times FC times L?"
Claire groaned and rubbed her forehead, giving Howard a look, "Let me guess, you want to use it to calculate your chances of picking up women?"
Howard shook his head, "To calculate our chances of having sex," he corrected, "By changing the formula to use the number of single women in Los Angeles, the number of those who might find us attractive, and what I call the Wolowitz Coefficient."
'The Wolowitz Coefficient?' Raj wrote on the board.
"Neediness times dress size squared. Crunching the numbers, I come up with a conservative 5,812 potential sex partners within a 40-mile radius."
Claire tried to throw another eraser at him, but he dodged it.
"You're joking," Leonard shook his head.
"I'm a horny engineer, Leonard," Howard deadpanned, "I never joke about math or sex."
'What are we waiting for? Let's bounce, bitches!' was all Raj wrote.
"You're right," Leonard nodded, "It's Anything Can Happen Thursday, let's hit the clubs and meet hot women!"
'Lock up your daughters! We're going to hit it and quit it!'
Claire nodded slowly, watching the boys getting excited, "You enjoy yourselves then," she told them, "I'm thinkin' Shelly and I will go for the comic book store. I could use new copy of my manga…it's falling apart."
The guys looked at each other, now being hit with the choice between possibly talking to girls or actually getting comic books.
"Or we could finish eating and go to the comic book store," Leonard offered.
Raj nodded, 'Also a good plan.'
"Alright," Howard sighed, "But next Anything Can Happen Thursday, we're definitely going to a bar."
"Oh, absolutely!" Leonard agreed.
Claire chuckled, leaning forward to grab her food from the coffee table, "Sure you are."
~8~
About a half hour later the guys and Claire actually started to leave the apartment to go to the comic book store, Sheldon refused to travel on an empty stomach. What would happen if he collapsed in hunger?! So he'd had to eat the Thai food in order to go. Sheldon had just turned to lock the door when Penny stepped out from across the hall.
"Oh hey, guys, where're you headed?"
"We're making an impromptu stop at the comic book store," Claire told her.
Sheldon nodded, seeming more smug than the others, "You're probably thinking, 'the comic book store? On a Thursday? Why, I've fallen down the rabbit hole and into a land of madness!' What you have failed to take into account, Penny, is that this is Anything Can Happen Thursday."
"You got me," Penny gave him an amused look, "Oh, hey, Claire," she turned to the girl, "While you're there, could pick me up a few comics for my nephew's birthday?"
Claire opened her mouth to agree, the conversation Penny had been having with her brother now clicking into place, when Sheldon had to correct, "I think you mean comic books. Comics are feeble attempts at humor featuring talking babies and anthropomorphized pets found traditionally in the optimistically named funny pages."
Penny gave him an unamused look now, before turning back to Claire, "Claire, while you're there, could pick me up a few comics for my nephew's birthday?"
Sheldon rolled his eyes at her blatant ignoring of his correction.
"Of course, sugar," Claire chuckled, "Anything in particular?"
"I don't know, he's 13. Just pick out anything."
And, of course, that wasn't good enough for Sheldon, "Just pick out anything? Maybe at the same time we can pick out a new suit for him without knowing his size, or pick out his career for him without knowing his aptitude, or pick out a new breakfast cereal without knowing his fiber requirements or his feelings about little marshmallows."
"Spider Man," Penny threw out, the first superhero that came to her mind.
"Oh, Pen, don't…" Claire tried to warn her, but she was too late.
"Get him Spider Man."
"Amazing Spider Man?" Sheldon asked, "Ultimate Spider Man? Spectacular Spider Man? The Marvelous Adventures of Spider Man? Spider Man 2099?"
"Help?" Penny looked to Leonard and Claire for assistance in getting him to stop.
"Sorry, sugar, he's on a roll now," Claire offered an apologetic wince.
"You know this can go on all night," Leonard agreed, "Why don't you just come with us?"
"Ugh, that's what I was trying to avoid," Penny sighed, but began to move towards the stairs with them.
"Oh, I forgot Sensational Spider Man!" Sheldon added, before starting to recite the list all over again.
~8~
Claire had to bite her lip to keep herself from warning Penny about what to expect as the blonde stepped into the comic book store with the guys for the first time. SHE had gotten a tiny taste of it but she was sure Penny would get a hell of a lot more.
"Oh, what a cute, little store," Penny smiled at the sight of it…and then noticed exactly what Claire had been expecting, "Everybody's staring at me."
And indeed they were, every man standing in the store, though there weren't many, were outright gaping at Penny.
"Don't worry," Leonard reassured her in a whisper, "They're more scared of you than you are of them."
"Unlikely."
Claire chuckled and patted her arm, "It's ok, Pen, they're just not used to seeing a gorgeous woman here."
Penny looked at her, "You've been here with Sheldon though," she said, recalling the very first time she'd met Claire she'd distracted Sheldon from his game of Halo for a trip to the comic book store.
Claire shrugged, "I could pass as one of them," she remarked, gesturing to her outfit…another winner that had Penny inwardly cringing, a striped shirt with a sweater-jacket that had polka dots on it over it, at least her pants matched the blue strips on the shirt, "And besides, I'm not a knockout like you, sugar."
Penny was about to retort that Claire was perfectly attractive in her own way when the girl stepped away…and she had the perfect view of Sheldon's own little frown at Claire's words. This time it was Penny biting her lip to keep from saying something out loud. Sheldon was WAY more closed off and out of touch with his feelings than Claire was, if she tried to needle him about possible feelings for Claire he'd shut down. She wasn't just focusing on Claire for the sake of picking on her, but because...well...if anyone stood any chance at all of helping Sheldon connect with his feelings it would be Claire. She would need all the help she could get to help Sheldon along, and that wouldn't happen if Claire was actively resisting. Right now Claire was probably halfway, she'd admitted she felt something for Sheldon, but she hadn't reached the point of actively going after him yet. She couldn't rely on Claire's help yet, so she'd have to let Sheldon sit on it for a while, until she got a better grasp of him. All she could really do were little experiments here and there, more in the hopes of showing Claire there was hope than getting Sheldon to realize what he felt for the redhead. She shook her head and stepped away to eye the nearest comics.
Sheldon, for his part, couldn't pull his eyes away from Claire where she'd gone to the manga section, something about her words tugging at his gut. While he wasn't overly familiar with terms women used to describe other women, he was fairly certain she was commenting on Penny's perceived level of being aesthetically pleasing to the eye. And while he could understand that Penny was, if Leonard was any indication, a very beautiful woman, he didn't know why Claire would compare herself to someone like Penny.
She was unique and had so many features that drew the eye, he couldn't imagine anyone NOT referring to Claire as a 'knockout'...whatever that was. Looking at her just then, under the fluorescent lights, rifling through a row of manga in search for what he knew would be a 'Sailor Moon' one, she read them so much her copies were falling apart, she looked…he didn't know a word for it. For once his vast vocabulary failed him and it was causing something in him to twist in discomfort.
He looked down at his watch in alarm, feeling his heart rate speed up and his stomach flutter funnily, his hands were a little more clammy too now that he thought about it and…
WHERE had they ordered the Thai food?
Did he now have food poisoning?
Oh he knew he should have put an end to Anything Can Happen Thursday when he had the chance…
"Shelly?" a voice spoke and he looked over to see Claire had approached him while his attention had been on his watch, "You alright?"
He blinked, looking into her eyes that always reminded him of the skies of Texas just before a thunderstorm, and let out a breath, feeling his stomach settling as his heart rate began to slow.
It must have just been a momentary gas bubble.
"Fine," he nodded.
"You sure?"
"Yes," he smiled, "Has Penny selected a comic book?"
Penny glanced over from the display she was standing before, hearing her name, and shrugged, "What about this one for my nephew?" she pointed to a random one in front of her.
"A superb choice," Sheldon complimented.
Penny let out a sigh of relief that this might be easier than she thought it would be, "Oh, great."
"Yeah, provided he has already read Infinite Crisis and 52, and is familiar with the reestablishment of the DC multiverse."
"What's a multiverse?"
Sheldon turned to Claire, deeply disturbed, "Get her out of here."
Claire shook her head, "Come on, Pen, I'll help you look."
"You haven't found your Manga yet," Sheldon pointed out, "You should accomplish what YOU came here for first."
"It's fine," Penny assured her, not wanting another Sheldon encounter right now.
"Yeah, I'll help her," Leonard offered, coming over with his own comic book in hand, already finished. He nodded to the side and led her over to a wall of books.
Claire sighed but returned to the manga section, she really hadn't found the copy she was looking for yet, but she did keep Penny and Leonard in sight, hoping this might be a chance Leonard would leap on. She was rooting for him to think of something clever and witty to make Penny laugh and smile…only it seemed Stuart, the owner of the store, had beaten him to it, saying something, she couldn't hear what, that had Penny cracking a smile.
Poor Leonard though, he didn't seem particularly pleased with the way Penny's attention had lingered on Stuart even as he walked away.
Her attention, though, was caught by an exclamation of, "Let it go, Sheldon!" right as she found her Manga.
She looked over to see Howard and Sheldon were both holding the same comic book in the air, each gripping one end of it.
"Why should I let it go?" Sheldon was arguing, "I saw it first."
"Yes, but I saw it from the front," Howard continued.
Claire sighed, picking up her Manga, and moved over to the two, hoping to prevent an all out fight over a comic book.
"A far less impressive feat."
"Oh, come on! I need this for my Batman collection."
"I need it for my Robin collection."
"Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock?"
Sheldon scoffed, "Why would I gamble? It's mine. Let go."
"You let go!"
"No, you!"
"Boys, boys," Claire cut in, seeing that their fight had even drawn Leonard over to try and stop it, "What's wrong?"
"Howard won't let go of my comic book!" Sheldon huffed.
"It's MY comic book!" Howard glared at him.
"Leonard," he turned to the man, "We need a ruling."
"Uh, cut it in half?" Leonard suggested, ignoring the gasp both Sheldon and Howard made, his attention on where Penny had moved to the front of the store to talk to Stuart, "Why are you asking ME?" he asked, "Claire came to help first."
Sheldon rolled his eyes, "Claire is my best friend, she's contractually obligated to side with me," he explained, "And if she mediates, Howard can make an argument of biased judgement."
"And I'm NOT biased?" Leonard scoffed, "You're my roommate."
"And Howard is your friend," Sheldon nodded, "It's fair."
"Yeah but if I pick you, he gets huffy. If I pick him, you'll make living with you even more miserable than it already is."
"Well," Sheldon considered it, "We're going to need another impartial party…"
"I don't believe it," Leonard groaned, gesturing towards the front where Stuart and Penny were laughing, Stuart showing her a sketch he'd done, "Stuart's putting the moves on Penny!"
Howard spun around to look, always aiming to pick up new tricks for women, "I have got to learn how to draw," he muttered.
Claire nudged Sheldon and pointedly nodded at the comic book, at Howard's now-lax grip on it.
Sheldon's eyes widened and he quickly snatched it out of Howard's hand.
"Hey!" Howard turned to glare at him.
But Sheldon just smirked smugly, "Once again, defeated by your own prurient interests."
"Guys, have you seen Stuart all up in Penny's business ov…" Raj began, heading over, though his mutism quickly kicked in when he spotted Claire standing among them.
"We saw," Claire confirmed.
"Nobody's up in anybody's business," Leonard insisted, yet the way his shoulders sagged gave away his true thoughts, "Let's just buy our stuff and go."
"Ok," Penny was saying as they approached, "You've got my number, now give me the picture."
"You drive a hard bargain, but here," Stuart laughed, giving her the sketch he'd made of her.
"Alright," Penny smiled, "So, um, just give me a call."
Sheldon glanced over at Leonard's displeased expression, "So, Leonard, how are you enjoying Anything Can Happen Thursday?"
"That was mean, Shelly," Claire whispered to him, before stepping past the guys to Penny's side, glancing at the portrait, "That's real nice, Pen."
"It's great, right?" Penny looked at her, "Did he make one for you?" she asked, her gaze flickering to Sheldon a few feet away, how he stiffened and began to frown, clearly listening in, "Is it, like, something he does for all the girls?"
"Oh no," Claire chuckled, shaking her head, oblivious to Sheldon's relief behind her, "Just you."
~8~
Claire glanced at her phone as it dinged with a text message from Sheldon that they were back from picking up some Chinese takeout and would be coming up. She was currently sitting on Penny's bed as the girl showed off the final outfit she was thinking about wearing for her date tonight. Her date with Stuart.
"What do you think?" Penny turned this way and that to look at herself in the mirror.
Claire sighed, "About the dress...or about how you're pulling a Leonard?"
"A what?" Penny glanced at her, taking her comment as acceptance of the outfit as being reasonable and moving to slip on her shoes.
"Weren't you just, like two weeks ago, going on and on about how Leonard was showing interest in another woman, another beautiful blonde actress?"
"This isn't like that."
"How's it different?" Claire got up to follow Penny into the living room where her jacket and purse were waiting, "You're 'showing interest' in another man, a geeky, comic book reading, nerd…like Leonard."
"Stuart's not like Leonard."
"Looking past the height, vision, artistic ability, and profession, they're the same guy. And you're doing exactly what Leonard did," she frowned, considering it, considering how she'd put it to Penny about WHY Leonard had shown interest in Alicia, "You don't seriously think you have a better shot with Stuart than Leonard do you? Cos Leonard would crawl through broken glass for the chance to date you, sugar."
"It's not that," Penny admitted, "It's just…I don't have a lot of luck with guys," she turned to Claire, "I…I came close with Leonard, I admit it, after that one date I thought…but if it went wrong and I lost him?" she shook her head, "That whole thing with Alicia made me realize I just want those guys in my life…maybe not Howard, but the others sure. I don't want to do anything to lose that and if I date Leonard and it goes as badly as my other relationships…"
"Hey," Claire moved over to rub her arm, "I get it. Believe me, I GET it," she repeated, "You're afraid to lose Leonard but you like him. And Stuart is just enough like him to feel like you're dating him without risking ruining the friendship."
"Yeah," Penny looked down, hating to admit that's why she was giving Stuart a chance. Stuart was a good guy who deserved to have someone date him because they were really interested in HIM, not because he reminded them of someone else, "I just…maybe if I give it a go I can get this, all of this, out of my system and I can just…be friends with Leonard again."
Claire sighed, not happy with her reasoning, but knowing Penny, like Sheldon, had to make her own mistakes to learn from them, "Well, have fun tonight," she offered, "But not too much fun," she pointed a warning finger at her, making Penny laugh as she headed for the door.
"Oh!" Penny's eyes widened, seeing Stuart standing on the other side with his hand poised to knock. She turned to look at Claire, frantic, but Claire shook her head, reassuring her that they were quiet enough Stuart couldn't have heard them through the door, "Stuart! I was just coming down…"
"I know," he offered her a shy smile, "I just thought it would be more gentlemanly to escort you."
"Well, that was sweet of you," Penny smiled, turning to Claire, "I'll see you later."
But, as fate would have it, just as she turned to go, the guys came up the stairs.
"Oh, hey guys," Penny greeted.
"Hey, Penny…" Leonard began, "And Stuart. Hey Stuart."
"Hey, guys," Stuart gave a wave.
Sheldon frowned, looking from Leonard to Penny and Stuart, "And Claire," he added, seeing her standing in the doorway of her apartment and no one greeting her, which was very rude, "Hello, Claire."
"Hey, Shelly," she greeted with a chuckle.
"So what are you kids up to?" Howard asked, eyeing them.
"Uh, Stuart has a piece in an art show that's opening tonight," Penny explained.
"And you guys are going together," Leonard realized, "Great…"
"It is great," Stuart nodded, genuinely excited, both by the show and the fact that he had a date to it, a nice date, a really pretty date with a girl who wasn't related to him, "Really great. Freaking awesome. What are you guys doing?"
"Friday night is Chinese food and vintage video games," Claire spoke up, reaching behind her to shut the door to the apartment, heading on over. She might as well, she was going to head over in a minute or two anyway and if she could help make it less awkward mores the better.
"Vintage doesn't even begin to describe what we have planned," Sheldon beamed, "Tonight, we are playing the classic 1980 interactive text adventure, Zork!"
"Regular or the buggy beta version?"
"The buggy beta version."
"Wow, Zork," Penny said slowly, trying to sound interested but was truly lost, "Well, you guys have fun!"
"Yeah, see you guys," Stuart waved as he and Penny continued on.
"See you, Stuart," Howard called after them.
"Hey, Howard?" Leonard began.
"Yes?"
"Take me to a bar with women."
All of them turned to stare at him.
"Really?" Howard asked, wanting to be sure he'd heard right.
"Yeah."
"Ok!" Howard beamed, "Let me just go inside and slip off my underwear…"
"Oh, my god, Howard!" Claire grimaced, slapping her hands over her ears, not sure she'd want to hear anything he said after that.
"Why?" Leonard seemed equally as disturbed.
"Well, if I get lucky, I don't want to be caught in my Aquaman briefs."
Leonard shook his head, turning to Raj, "Do you…" Raj checked his underwear and nodded, "Let's go," he glanced at Claire and Sheldon, "No offense," he added, realizing it might have seemed rude to not ask them to come, "But I know you two don't drink, and I didn't think you'd have fun standing there watching us pick up women," he said the last part more to Claire.
"And I appreciate that, sugar," Claire told him, "Besides I'd much rather play Zork with Shelly."
Sheldon beamed at that, "Chinese food, vintage video games, Claire," he nodded to himself, "After the nightmare of Anything Can Happen Thursday, this is Friday night the way it was meant to be. Come on!" he turned to head into the apartment with Claire, "I'll get the game going if you set up the food."
Leonard shook his head but was grateful Claire had brought up Zork. He didn't know what he'd do if he had the giant praying mantis that was Sheldon Lee Cooper looming over his shoulder and commenting about everything at the bar.
~8~
Claire tried her level best to not smile as she followed Sheldon out of the apartment when he heard Penny and Stuart returning from their date.
She may have been a tiny bit sneaky.
But it was for a good cause!
She knew Sheldon, she knew the things he believed, the things he was sure of, the things he would debate till he was blue in the face. All it took was one question about which Robin should take over for Batman should his death be real one day. He'd launched into a tirade about how the Original Robin, Dick Grayson, was the right choice. To which she just had to remind him that their best friend agreement would have her believe him, but what if others disagreed? He'd been so incensed at the suggestion that anyone would disagree with his logic that he'd gone onto a DC chatroom to get confirmation of his correctness…only to be stunned that there WERE people who disagreed with him!
He'd spent 3 hours arguing with them, all the while giving her a play by play of their counters and how they were wrong.
She hadn't expected Penny's date to last QUITE that long, but there they were.
As soon as she got a text from Penny, the woman subtly asking if she might free up the apartment for a few hours, she carefully turned the tide of Sheldon's argument by pointing out that, if he had back up, someone even more knowledgeable of comic books than him, those nay-sayers would HAVE to believe him. Too bad Stuart, the owner of a comic book store, was busy…
And low and behold, speak of the devil, and Stuart appeared.
Now Sheldon would NOT be stopped from interrupting the end of Penny's date with the man.
It was a bit of a gamble on her part. For all she knew, Penny's date might have gone horribly and then she would have spent 3 hours setting up Sheldon's interruption for nothing and ended up listening to a debate about Robins for hours on end.
It was a bit underhanded, she could admit it. She really hated manipulating Sheldon like that, but…it was for not just him but Leonard and Penny and Stuart too. Penny had a terrible tendency to go to bed with her dates even on the first one, and it never worked out well for her relationships down the road. She was trying to keep Penny from making that mistake, because it also wasn't fair to Stuart if Penny did that just because she had Leonard in mind or was substituting Stuart for Leonard (and she wouldn't know if Penny had come to see Stuart for Stuart till she talked to the woman, so she had to assume she saw Leonard in him). And it would just make Leonard heartbroken if Penny did that on a first date with Stuart but hadn't with him.
She was just trying to avoid a big old mess and broken hearts all over the place.
"Oh, good, Stuart, I thought I heard your voice," Sheldon called out as they stepped into the hall just as Penny moved to unlock the apartment, "Do you have a moment?"
"Uh," Stuart glanced at Penny and back to Sheldon, not wanting to be rude…and Sheldon alone made up probably 10 percent of his business, he couldn't afford to lose it, "Yeah, I guess."
"Sheldon, we're a little busy here, so…" Penny tried.
"What are you doing?" Sheldon asked simply.
"We're having coffee," Stuart spoke.
Claire frowned a moment, "Isn't it a little late for coffee?" she looked at her Mickey Mouse watch…had she gotten the time wrong?
"It's ok," Stuart reassured her, "She thinks she has decaf."
"We don't have decaf," Claire shook her head, Penny had a strict no-decaf when it came to coffee purchases rule.
"I'm sure we do, somewhere," Penny emphasized a bit, giving her a pointed look and a nod of the head to Stuart, "I'll just go look for it."
"Oh," Claire nodded, getting it, as Penny went into the apartment. Normally she would follow, but she wasn't sure what she might be walking into if Penny wasn't just 'looking' but 'preparing' the 'coffee.' So she stayed in the hall.
"What's up?" Stuart turned to Sheldon.
"Well, Claire posed an excellent question earlier and I've spent the last three hours in an online debate in the DC Comics Batman chatroom about it, and I need your help," he began, "Claire is supposed to agree with me so I can't ask her for help in this area."
Stuart nodded slowly, ignoring the remark about Claire but understanding the one about the chatroom, "Oh yeah. Those guys can be very stubborn. What's the topic?"
"I am asserting, in the event that Batman's death proves permanent, that original Robin, Dick Grayson, is the logical successor to the Bat Cowl."
"Ooh, Sheldon, I'm afraid you couldn't be more wrong."
Claire only just barely managed to hide her laugh with a cough. Telling Sheldon Lee Cooper to his face that he was wrong…that was just asking for trouble.
…oh dear lord, what had she gotten herself into now?
She'd been hoping for just a conversation between the two men, maybe a debate, but this was going to go all night now.
"More wrong?!" Sheldon scoffed, offended, "Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to gradation."
"Of course it is. It's a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge. But returning to the original issue, Dick Grayson became Nightwing, a superhero in his own right. Batman 2 has to be the second Robin, Jason Todd."
"That is a logical point," Claire tried, hoping logic might appeal to Sheldon and calm him down a bit.
Sadly, it was not to be.
"Has to be?" Sheldon's voice rose, "Has to be?! I hope you're being deliberately provocative."
"I found the decaf!" Penny shouted, poking her head out of the door to the apartment to try and tempt Stuart back in.
"Oh, great!" Stuart smiled, turning to head into the apartment.
Only for Sheldon to move to follow, "Yeah, herbal tea for me, please."
Penny gave Claire a look as Sheldon entered too, but she could only shake her head, "He's not gonna let this go, Pen. Sorry."
"Not as sorry as I'm gonna be," Penny muttered, "We don't have decaf."
Claire chuckled and patted her arm, "Maybe it's a sign, sugar," she began, "Anyone more interested in talking about comic books than 'having coffee' with you may not be the right guy."
"Leonard..."
"Would drop his entire collection out a window if you offered," Claire cut in, "Come on, I'll try and wrangle Shelly back to the apartment…"
Though even she was doubtful it would happen till Sheldon had been proven right.
~8~
Claire rubbed her forehead as she sat at the kitchen counter of her apartment, listening to Sheldon and Stuart go on and on and on about the DC Universe and Batman and…god, she'd really done it this time. She had heard Sheldon monologue and rant about things for hours on end, but never him arguing this long without having an escape. Her head was starting to throb something powerful.
"I'm sorry, but you're obviously stuck in a pre-Zero Hour DC universe," Stuart spoke.
"Of course I am," Sheldon rolled his eyes, "Removing Joe Chill as the killer of Batman's parents effectively deprived him of his raison d'être."
"Ok, you can throw all the French around you want, it doesn't make you right."
"Au contraire."
"Plus, you're forgetting that the Infinite Crisis storyline restored Joe Chill to the Batman mythology."
"I am forgetting nothing and I resent your tone."
"Boys, boys," Claire cut in, casting a glance over to where Penny had literally fallen asleep on the couch amid their arguing, "Can we pause this debate till the morning? I could really use some sleep and Penny's already out," she gestured over to the sleeping woman, "It would be highly ungentleman-like of you to wake her up by escalating this any further tonight."
Stuart blinked, seeming to just realize what time it was and how long he'd been there, he had to open the store early tomorrow, "Ok," he huffed, "Look, Sheldon, Claire's right. It's late and I've got to get some sleep too."
Sheldon smirked, "So, I win."
"No, I'm tired."
"So, I win."
"Fine," Stuart huffed, getting up, "You win."
Sheldon tapped the counter, pleased, as he too got up to head to the door, "Darn tootin', I win."
Stuart turned to Claire, "Please tell Penny I really had a terrific time."
"I'll be sure to pass on the message, Stuart," Claire promised, "Good night."
"Good night," Sheldon called.
Claire could only shake her head as she heard Stuart remark, "You know, I don't think that was decaf…" before he shut the door.
She sighed, looking over at Penny and debating whether to wake her or not. She'd had a long day and, if done wrong, Penny would probably try to, as Sheldon would likely say, 'maul her like a rabid wolverine' if she woke her wrong. She moved over to the couch, tugging the throw blanket hanging off the side into her hands to drape across Penny. Best let her rest there.
She rubbed her head again as she yawned and headed towards her room. It figured, this is what she got for getting Sheldon started on a debate just to cut off Penny's date.
Karma, what a bitch.
A/N: Lol, that's what you get Claire :)
I think it really speaks to how Claire views their group of friends that she would go to the lengths of manipulating Sheldon to try and help keep hearts from breaking. She really hates doing that to him for any other purpose besides trying to help him or make things easier for him. This didn't really fall into that category, but she's trying to weigh the scope of it against what she hopes would be a good cause. She can't know for sure how Penny sees Stuart after the date without talking to Penny, but even if Penny HAS come to like Stuart for Stuart and not a stand in for Leonard...'having coffee' on the first date is probably not going to help in the long term relationship, because Penny herself has said she doesn't have good records with guys (and Claire has been around enough to see some patterns forming). She was hoping that a tiny manipulation to avoid Penny, Stuart, and Leonard possibly getting hurt would be acceptable.
But, in a way, it sort of came back to bite her so I think she'd feel it evened out. She had to spend 3 hours (and more) listening to Sheldon arguing about Batman and Robin, I think she suffered enough lol :)
I couldn't really see Claire NOT bringing up the parallels of Leonard and Alicia with Stuart and Penny to Penny. Even if it's not the same situation, because Stuart and Penny are both not intentionally flirting or acting interested to use the other the way Alicia did...it still has its similarities, especially on Leonard's side in getting close to someone like Penny but not Penny. With Penny getting close to someone like Leonard but not Leonard :(
On a lighter note...awww, Sheldon thinks Claire is pretty :) He may not have fully realized HE views her as pretty, but just thinks the world would see her as having many unique trait to draw the eye...but it's a step :) I feel like it's going to take him a while to actually grasp that his feelings for Claire and his reaction to her is different than with other women. He's so paranoid about things that he could easily brush off any strange feelings as symptoms of some dire disease lol. Eventually he'll run out of excuses though ;)
Funny story from the last chapter...what happened with Claire's Mace? Happened to me. My dad was super overprotective when I commuted to my second college and had classes on 2 different campuses. He gave me Mace to keep in my backpack and one day it exploded on my way to my second to last class for the day. I had to run to the bathroom because I was trailing a dripping line of super-cinnamon smelling liquid. Luckily my laptop and textbooks were saved, but I had to throw out almost everything else and wipe down my train pass (thankfully in a laminated pouch so the pouch took the worst of it). I ended up shoving my pens and pencils and anything else I could salvage in my jean pockets and I had to carry everything in my arms on a 20 minute hike from one campus to the other after my class to get to my last class...and then run with it in my arms to catch the next train home. Not a fun time :/
Some notes on reviews...
I was debating whether to have Claire be there during the fight or not, I actually wrote out a scene where they fight and Claire's trying to break them up and she gets hit instead of Penny on accident and when Sheldon finds out his friend got hurt? Let's just say Leonard quickly drops Alicia because Sheldon will make his life unbearable as a roommate if they associate with Alicia after she hurt his friend. But, he would also be furious with Penny for instigating a fight that had Claire get hurt, to the point where he might, in his anger, invoke the graveyard pact, which means Penny is dead to him and to Claire and that was just really heartbreaking to think of happening :( I mean, absolutely a fist pump moment for Sheldon's feelings for Claire being broadcast to everyone in his reaction to her getting hurt, but he is also very protective of Claire and if she got hurt, whoever hurt her or caused her to get hurt would be dead to him, no ifs ands or buts and I couldn't do that to Penny :( In the end, I think having her come in at the end and see the aftermath worked out better for the girls as a stepping stone in their friendship :)
Lol, very true. So long as Claire is there, she's all the help they'd need :) I sort of take Sheldon's antics to be along the lines of 'what if Claire's somewhere else or busy when they order food?' He needs to make sure that Leonard can get it right without Claire helping him cheat ;)
Amy and Claire, I can say they'll get on at first, mostly because to everyone else it doesn't seem like Sheldon and Amy are actually dating-dating so they don't really think much of it. But when things seem to change, their reaction to Amy being around might be a bit different, noticeably so. It won't be till Amy learns about how important/close Claire really is to Sheldon that she maybe becomes a little less warm and a bit more distant with Claire until, maybe one day, they can work back around to a friendship. Jealousy...Claire will be conflicted. On one hand, it's hard to not be jealous, on the other hand so much of her life has been trying to do what's best for other people before herself, especially Sheldon, so if he's happy she'll try to be ok with it. I can say there's going to be something going on that may distract Claire from the Shamy...or perhaps make her thankful for it in a sense. We'll have to wait and see };)
I'm glad you're enjoying the Claire-Penny friendship :) I sort of felt bad for Penny because she started the show with so many friends and they just sort of faded away and it had to be tough only having the guys to talk to, none of whom would understand (or care in some regards) about more 'girl' problems :( I really wanted to take time to build up their friendship so I'm glad it's coming across :) Amy will definitely have to work out how to be someone's bestie when they already have a bestie lol ;) I could definitely see Sheldon coming face to face with a pair of breasts and going 'you have a mole, you should get that checked out' before going back to his work or a comic book or something :)
I'm very happy to be back too! :D I'm so glad you're enjoying the story so far! Fair warning, it's probably going to be an incredibly slow burn for Claire and Sheldon, more because of Sheldon lol, he's so fast in so many areas but slower than a turtle in others lol :) But there'll definitely be some changes coming as the series gets rolling ;) I fully plan to get the whole show done eventually, no worries there, it may just be a bit longer between new stories being posted since I have so much to catch up on with other stories :( But I'm definitely planning to do every season ;)