February 3rd, 1983

2:55 am

Jackie and Hyde's house

He kneeled on the ground next to the bed and spent a long time just staring into her face.

She looked thinner than she had been a month ago. There were dark circles around her eyes and her hair had lost its wavy dark shine. Her left hand was resting next to her face on her pillow and the ring on her fourth finger shimmered with the light from the window.

He closed the bedroom door on his way out and walked down to the kitchen to make himself a sandwich, which he ate with a glass of chocolate milk. The combination reminded him that winter weekend two years ago when they had finally been able to say everything and gotten past all the hurt and unmet expectations.

From then on, everything had gone smoothly.

I should've known better than to think that things were going to stay like that forever, he thought bitterly, and went back donwstairs.

/-/-/-/

4:17 am

He kneeled on the same spot as before and placed a small kiss on Jackie's forehead. She fluttered her eyes open, sleepily, trying to adjust to the dim light. He took her left hand and kissed it lightly, not taking his eyes from hers. She threw her arms around his neck and sobbed softly against his neck.

They remained like that for a moment: Jackie half hanging from the side of the bed, and Steven precariously balanced on his knees, neither of them wanting to break the embrace.

After a while Steven moved up to the bed without pulling apart and they laid in each other's arms for long minutes.

"You're not mad?" she asked

"I am" he said, serious. "But a while ago, I promised myself that I wouldn't make the same mistakes as before. I am not going anywhere".

She started crying again then and he held her tight. He let her cry all she needed, stroking her back softly. After a little while she took a deep breath and pulled her head back a little bit.

"I am so sorry" she murmured; her voice choked. "I didn't know… I swear… I had no idea…" she hiccupped.

"I know you didn't" he said, tenderly and kissed her softly on the forehead. "It wasn't your fault, Jackie" she leaned further back, to look at him fully. "I could never blame you for what happened" he said.

"Then why…?"

"I am mad because you ran away… you left me" he explained.

She just stared at him.

"You were not the only one grieving, Doll" he murmured, a lonely tear escaping from the corner of his eye and disappearing on the pillow.

"Why didn't you say anything?" asked her in the same hushed voice, stroking his face lightly.

"I don´t know… I guess I felt like I couldn't… because I had to keep you whole"

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have left like that" she said after a few minutes in silence.

He took her left hand on his, placed it in the pillow between them and pointed at the ring on her fourth finger, giving her a meaningful look.

/-/-/-/

February 10th, 1983

6:57 pm

Jackie and Hyde's house

Opening the front door, he bent down to pick the bags from the floor and pushed the door closed with his foot. He stomped his boots on the mat to get rid of the excess snow as Jackie came out from the kitchen and took the bags from his arms, giving him a small kiss on the lips.

A moment later he followed her to the kitchen where she was putting away some of the groceries and fishing bowls from the cupboards to serve the takeout he'd brought. He came closer to her and hugged her around the waist, kissing her softly.

"How are you today?" he asked after the pulled apart.

She shrugged, a small smile on her lips and a faint shine in her eyes.

They had talked at length after her trip to the Pacific coast. She hadn't actually visited any city, just jumped from one train to the next in the hopes that the rocking movement and the rhythmic sound of the wheels on the tracks would lull her to sleep. She hadn't been able to sleep properly since she'd woken up in the hospital.

Her calendar had reminded her it had been Betsy's birthday a week before, and she went up to the closet on the guest room to take the present she and Steven got for their goddaughter a few days before the New Year's. It was a Muppet Show record and a set of coloring books with a huge box of crayons. Even if she didn't know many of the characters in the books, it was better than sketching on the walls as she'd been doing lately.

Seeing the presents and thinking of Betsy made her cry even harder until she was so exhausted that she just curled up in bed and tried to sleep.

When she woke up the next morning feeling dazed and with an awful headache as if she was hungover, she felt like she couldn't take anything anymore. Steven had been overly silent and brooding ever since she was released from the hospital and even though he held her every time she cried, she could feel how tense he was, as if he'd rather be anywhere else.

She hadn't known she was pregnant, and the rational side of her mind couldn't understand why she had been so upset about losing something she never knew she had in the first place. Kitty had said that miscarriages in the early weeks were fairly common and that sometimes women didn't even notice they had been pregnant if it was less than three weeks.

But she had been four weeks pregnant, and the stress of the previous days had been too much for her and her pregnancy. It had been her fault, she concluded while still in the hospital, and had been beating herself up for it all the way to the west coast and back.

While she set the small table in the kitchen, he went to the lounge to put on some music. Zeppelin, of course, she thought with a small smile, as "Led Zeppelin II" started to sound. But then there was a strange sound that told her that Steven had lifted the needle from the vinyl. Curious she walked to the lounge as he put the needle down again, and the end of "The Lemon song" sounded from the speakers.

He held her arms out for her when the next song started to sound, and she sank into his embrace as the organ sounded in the background and Plant's voice filled the room. They swayed from side to side in the spot, holding onto each other.

Little drops of rain whisper of the pain / Tears of loves lost in the days gone by / My love is strong / With you there is no wrong

Jackie looked up to him, with silent tears in her eyes, which he dried away with his thumb. He gave her a half sad and half hopeful smile.

She was amazed by him. Of course, he hadn't known either that she had been pregnant, but as sad and frustrated as he'd been, he'd stayed by her side and had taken care of her. Kitty had told her how devastated he had been while waiting for her to wake up in the hospital. And then how upset and distraught he'd been when she'd left.

And of course, he'd been angry and frustrated when she'd come back. Never before she'd seen him so furious and at the same time so vulnerable as that night. They talked until dawn came and they couldn't keep their eyes open anymore. And for the first time in three weeks, she slept soundly and without nightmares or strange dreams.

And so today, my world, it smiles / Your hand in mine, we walk the miles / And thanks to you it will be done / For you to me are the only one / Alright, yeah / Happiness, no more be sad

When the song faded into silence, he gave her a small kiss and went back to the turntable and put another vinyl. "Even in the quietest moments", one of Jackie's favorites, sounded in the background as they ate in companionable silence.

"You look like you have something to say…" he said with a smile after he finished eating. She looked at him, amused. After three years she was still amazed at how easily he could read her.

"I think we should set a date" said Jackie in a short breath. "After what happened I don't want to not be married to you anymore"