how are we all enjoying the rollercoaster? as always, enjoy!

Sixteen

Unsurprisingly, Gemma ruined the kiss.

The fact that she was so sure about it freaked her out. She had never kissed anyone so comfortably and confidently before. And so moments later, she'd turned and run away, cursing herself and everything on the earth.

Which was how she ended up in Natasha's apartment, pacing a hole into her carpet, freaking out. She was certain Natasha found it amusing, although she was confused.
"Why are you so scared to commit to this?" she asked, squinting at the brunette. "You said it yourself, that was the most comfortable you've ever been." Gemma sighed, plopping down onto the couch next to the assassin.
"That's the thing," Gemma said. "It's so hard to explain. I-" she sighed, squeezing her eyes shut. "The first relationship I had was also my most serious relationship, and it was also the worst. It wasn't healthy. It ruined all other relationships for me."
"So you're scared of committing," Natasha summarised.
"That relationship was what sent me to this side of the pond," Gemma added, placing a cushion in her lap. She played with the edges. "That's how bad it was."
"Oh." Natasha softened for a moment, thousands of scenarios running through her mind. Gemma knew she was imagining the worse.
"It- I'm scared that I'm going to hurt Steve," Gemma said slowly. "Because it ruined every relationship past that I've had since. And it makes me so hard to deal with because I'm so scared. I don't want to hurt him."
"Gemma," Natasha said gently. "I don't think you could if you tried."
"I think I just did!" Gemma exclaimed. "I kissed and I ran!"
"So talk to him," Natasha explained. "Just talk to him." Gemma sighed, breathing heavily. "I'll even come if you want." Gemma shook her head.
"Thank you, but you are right," she agreed. "I just need to talk to him."
"So, go! What the hell are you waiting for?" She started hitting Gemma's arm.
"Jesus!" Gemma exclaimed, getting up.
"How's he going to help?" Natasha joked, smiling as Gemma threw her a look."But also call me and tell me how it goes. Remember, you've kicked alien ass, you can talk."

So then she found herself stood outside Steve's apartment, pacing in front of his door this time as she tried to gather courage. Gemma thought that she'd buried the skeletons in her closet a while ago, but they were coming back to her, diminishing her confidence that this was going to work. She paced for twenty minutes before Steve's door opened rapidly, revealing Steve and his shield. Gemma guessed she'd woken him up, although he wasn't exactly in pyjamas, but instead wearing only a pair of loose jogging bottoms, which was very distracting. Gemma yelped with the surprise, although she probably should've suspected Steve would've heard her.
"Gemma!" he exclaimed, after realising what was causing the noise in the night. Gemma realised that it was the first time he'd actually said her name, really said it. Then she felt crazy for realising that. Gemma felt a stomach ache more akin to butterflies.
"I'm sorry!" she responded, placing her hands against her temples. This felt like a bad idea. "I- can I come in?"
"Yeah." He stepped back into his apartment, depositing his shield by the door. Gemma followed him, feeling shaky. No turning back now.
"Okay, sit down," she pointed to his couch, "and don't interrupt me, because I have to get this out before I regret it, which I'm beginning to." She watched as he frowned, but sat down anyway. She continued her pacing.
"Are you okay?" He sounded worried, which was fair because he'd never seen Gemma like this before.
"Yes. No. I-" she paused, taking a deep breath, then went on. "I'm really sorry that I kissed you and then I ran off like that. That wasn't right. And it's not you, trust me. It's-" She paused again, then sat down, repeated to him what she'd told Natasha. What did not help was that he was shirtless, which made Gemma a little more uncomfortable. Once she was done, she sucked at her teeth, shaky.
"How bad?" he asked, knitting his brows together. Gemma couldn't look at him as she spoke.
"To summarise? He's in prison now, and I've got a restraining order. Even so, he wouldn't even be allowed into this country." She took a deep breath again, trying to relax. "It's so hard for me to talk about. Only Mathew and Tony really know what happened, because I had no other choice." Steve nodded, and then he gently cupped her face, forcing her to look at him.
"You don't have to tell me anything," he told her softly, "and I appreciate that was hard for you." She felt him push some of her hair behind her ear. "I promise you, I will never hurt you. But we can take this slow. I think I need that, too." Gemma tucked her legs under her as she reached in for a hug, pressing her face into his shoulder.
"I've never kissed anyone the way I kiss you," Gemma whispered. "It was a nice kiss."
"Great, because that really was the first time since 1945 I've kissed someone." Gemma grinned.
"Sorry I kept ruining the moment, I just-" They were interrupted by Gemma's phone. Steve raised an eyebrow, but when Gemma saw the caller ID, she knew she couldn't get away with not answering.
"Bloom. No, you didn't. I know. Fuck off. Okay. I'm on my way." She hung up abruptly because she knew that Tony would ask a hundred more questions.
"Duty calls?" Steve asked, stroking her hair still. She nodded.
"Tony would've broken into my house if I didn't pick up. I'm sorry," she murmured, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek. "I'll call when it's over."
"Can you tell me anything about it?" He stood up with her, walking her out.
"I'm sure you'll be briefed in the morning." Gemma stopped in the doorway and exhaled deeply. "See ya, soldier."
"Don't leave any mess for me to clean up."

"Okay, Tony, that's none of your business," Gemma said, waving him away.
"What? I need to know who my teammates are sleeping with," Tony responded, grumbling.
"No, you don't." Gemma, Sam and Lidia all looked at each other as they said it.
"You're just sad you had a cold bed and nobody," Lidia added. Tony stuck her tongue out at her. She did the same back.
"Where's White?" Sam asked, pulling the straps on his bulletproof. The Washington DC team had picked up the activity of a supposed terrorist they were looking for in New York, causing Mathew's team to respond by an attempt to pick him up before they lost him.
"Dunno. He was awake when I called," Tony said, "but so were all of you." He grinned widely.
"That's douche jar, ten dollars," Gemma muttered, tired and annoyed of him. A few minutes later, however, Mathew's car did turn up, signalling that they were ready to go.
"Where is he? Where's Turl?" he asked, referencing the terrorist.
"Rooftop," Tony responded. "Have we got a play?" They all looked at the building they were about to enter, waiting for a response. Maria's voice came through their comms.
"Whatever you have to do. You've been cleared for maximum engagement. Clear?" They all mumbled a response. "You'll separate around the building; there are four staircases up from three entrances, but one door on the roof," she added. Mathew signalled for them to divide. Gemma headed for the very back of the building, moving as fast and silently as she could. Gemma was not sure how, for the second time in less than 24 hours, she was back to this movement, but somehow, it was always this task, this part of the job that made Gemma realise how much she loved it; how much it meant to her. Her senses were on fire.

She ran as fast up the stairs as she could, carefully listening up for Maria's updates. The only other thing she could hear was her heartbeat. It was Tony who reached the roof first, only twenty seconds before Gemma, and they went out together. They saw Turl stood in the middle of the roof, with only a gun, although Gemma was sure there was more they couldn't see.
"Turl!" Tony yelled. Gemma sensed another member of the team join the roof, moving so they could start to form a circle around him. "Put the gun down!"
"Now, why should I do that?" he responded, grinning. Gemma knew that grin meant bad news.
"Put the gun down or you'll die," Sam said. Turl kept turning, slowly looking at the three agents around him. Lidia and Mathew were yet to be seen.
"I've got my own little shooting range here," he continued. "Blowing stuff up doesn't seem as fun anymore."
"Why? What did you get from it?" Gemma asked, keeping her eye on his gun. The responding laughter sent shivers down her spine. Not good.
"Gun down or we'll shoot!" Tony yelled. In a split second, Gemma saw Turl raise his gun at the offending agent. She didn't stop what her instinct told her to do; she moved, firing her gun.

It was still too late.