AN: Two chapters as promised this week. So excited to hear what you guys think. Our Bella is slowly, but surely becoming more confident in her own skin. Get ready for a hell of a ride!

Let me know what you think!

My Grief

It's a beautiful summer day and even without deepening my connection, I can feel how the Earth radiates with joy and life. In some ways, it almost feels wrong to be having a funeral on such a magnificent day. An occasion like this calls for dark rain clouds and rumbling thunder to herald our sorrow and loss, then again, for Nanna and Pop, a cloudless blue sky and a warm summer sun couldn't be any less perfect. It's almost as though the Earth is celebrating their lives as it calls them home. There's a gentle squeeze around my hand and my heart swells in my chest when I both see and feel Edward's unconditional support. Swallowing the growing lump in my throat, I conjure up the strength I need to move forward.

When Edward and I arrive at the main house we are met by a flurry of movement. Several people are helping prepare everything for the wake by moving furniture and bringing in extravagant flower arrangements. Instinctively, my steps falter when we walk up to the main door. I catch a glimpse of Alice and Rosalie inside and my stomach immediately rolls, my hands growing wet with sweat and my feet feel like lead. Turning my back to the door, I take a shaky breath and try to steady myself. Their betrayal, especially Rosalie's, is still so fresh and painful that it catches me off guard. My wolf is furious, a common occurrence these days, but the very human hurt that I feel overshadows her rage. I'm not ready to face them just yet, but I know I don't have a choice in the matter.

I startle when Edward's long fingers gently brush over my wrist and my eyes are immediately drawn to his. Those intense and protective green orbs hold mine for a second before they begin searching behind me for the reason for my reaction. Understanding dawns on him and I can see a small hint of a struggle, before a determined and unforgiving expression spreads across his face.

"I'll ask them to leave," he bites out harshly and quickly moves towards the entrance.

Before he can go far, I stop him by grabbing his arm.

"Wait!"

Edward quickly reacts to my plea and turns back to face me. Taking his hand in mine, I move him away from the open door.

"You can't ask them to leave, Edward," I begin and I can see that it is clear that my Beta-mate disagrees wholeheartedly.

Looking down at our interlaced fingers, I draw the strength I need from our bond as I try to sort through my emotions and thoughts. I know this situation can't be easy for Edward. Because of our imprint he's become caught in the middle, torn between his family and mate. Although he's assured me on several occasions that he'll stand by me, I know that this must be hell for him and I hate the thought of him being in pain. I need to do what I can to ease this tension and move forward. I might not be able to forgive just yet, but the least I can do is to hold my head high and do what needs to be done in this situation.

"Your mother is Alpha female and I assume it is her duty to help organize occasions like this. Your sisters-," I pause, forcing my voice to stay steady and calm as I speak.

"Your sisters are simply doing what they're expected to do in a situation like this."

"Someone else can easily take their place," Edward responds quickly, giving me an out.

I sigh and slowly shake my head.

"Edward, if I am going to stand a chance of being accepted into the Pack, you can't just go and demand change like that. As daughters of the Alpha, I can only imagine that helping their mother in situations like this is a specific part of their duties?" I ask, seeking confirmation for the assumptions I've just made.

Edward's brief nod is all the answer that I need to know that I'm right.

"You can't demand that they leave or change Pack order just because I find this a little uncomfortable. I'll just have to grow some thick skin, it's fine," I try to reassure him, but the nerves I feel building up inside of me contradicts my words and for a second I wish he couldn't feel my emotions.

I force a smile to my face and take a calming breath.

"I'm Bad-Ass-Bella, remember."

At the gentle reminder of Leah's description of me, a shadow of a smile begins to spread across Edward's face. I can see that he isn't convinced, but luckily we aren't given much of a choice when Sue suddenly steps out onto the porch.

"Oh, good! You're here!" she blurts out when she sees us.

Sue has been living at the Swan house ever since my father was injured after his fight with Carlisle. With Pop being sick and my father injured, Nanna needed some extra help around the house. After my father got better, she simply stayed on, helping Nanna around the house, preparing meals and assisting in any way that she can. Her close relationship to everyone in the entire Swan family made it easy for me to accept her as one of the family. We are all indebted to her for all the help and support she's given during this difficult time. Her dark eyes are red rimmed, proof of her deep sorrow, but she looks calm and collected.

"Bella, your father has been asking for you. I think he'd appreciate a moment alone with you before the ceremonies begin," she conveys softly.

"Of course," I take a step forward, before pausing.

"Where-?" I begin, but Sue quickly fills me in.

"He's up in his old room. You'll see it once you go up there."

"I'll be here," Edward informs me, letting me know where he will be physically, but also to remind me that he's here for me if I need him. My eyes linger on his for an extra second as I send him my thanks before turning from him as I enter the main house with purpose.

Luckily, I don't run into anyone on my way upstairs, everyone apparently busy getting things ready downstairs. As I step up onto the second floor, my brain is flooded by a wave of memories. Those precious moments with Pop and finally last night's goodbye with Nanna. Tears immediately burn in my eyes as the memories play like a movie in my mind. I force myself to blink the tears away as I search out my father's room. There's only one room with its door wide open, and as I step towards it I catch a glance of my father's large frame. Stepping even closer, I see that he is sitting on a plain single bed, his eyes looking blindly ahead of him as though he is lost in thought. There are dark circles under his eyes and it doesn't look like he's had any sleep.

"Hey Dad," I say, my voice surprisingly raspy and emotional.

Seeing my father like this brings back a lot of painful memories from those first few weeks after my mother's death. I'm unable to think more about it though because he quickly reacts to the sound of my voice turning towards me. I can see his eyes light up when he sees me and as they trail over my simple black dress, a sad smile slowly spreads across his lips. His reaction sends a surge of relief through me and I smile. It's good to see evidence that this loss is different than when my mother died.

"Hey, kiddo," he responds, using his regular term of endearment, as he reaches a hand out for me.

Walking towards him, I see that he has made a halfhearted attempt at tying his tie and his clothes look rumpled. Ignoring that for a moment, I take his outstretched hand and sit down next to him, he immediately takes his other hand and places it over our joined ones, tightening his hold as though he's trying to tell me that everything will be alright. That this time, things are different. I appreciate his silent assurance and it feels as though someone has just removed a giant weight off of my shoulders. Subconsciously, I must have been worrying about my father's reaction to his parents' death more than I realized. Leaning my head against his shoulder as I've done so many times growing up, we both just sit silently for a moment, both of us looking out the large window and out onto the clear, blue skies.

"He treating you okay?" he asks, his deep voice vibrating through my skin.

Tilting my head back, I meet my father's soft yet worried brown eyes and my heart warms at his concern. The subject of boys has never been something my father has felt comfortable talking to me about and vice versa, but my relationship with Edward feels different. I sit up so that I can easier face my father, noticing how my entire body lights up with joy at just the thought of my mate. I've never felt this way before.

"He's wonderful, Dad," I tell him and my father's mustache twitches as he simply grunts in response.

He doesn't look impressed and I can't stop the short laugh that escapes me.

"You don't believe me?" I ask him and he sends me an almost sly look.

"He better be treating you well, kiddo, if not he'll have the entire Swan family on his tail," he responds, deadly serious. "I guess I just worry. You both had a pretty rough start and I know they'll be some hurdles that you'll have to overcome," he pauses.

"I wish things could be easier for you, is all."

We sit in silence for a moment as I ponder his words, a wave of hurt and annoyance spreads through me reminding me of how my father and I still have quite a way to go in repairing our relationship. Unable to hide some of the pain, I remove my hands from his and stand up, walking towards the large window and looking out for a second as I try to figure out what I should say.

"Well, those hurdles might have been easier had you and Mom been honest with me from the beginning," I finally say, bitterness and hurt seeping into my tone.

"Bella," my father begins, but I interrupt him before he can say anything further. I need to get a few more things off of my chest before I can be ready to accept his explanation. I lift my hand to silence him and pace for a few seconds before I turn towards him to face him.

"No, Dad, listen. I understand that you and Mom thought you were doing what was best for me, I get it. The past is the past and I'm working on accepting that," I take a shaky breath.

"But you also promised that you'd be more forthcoming with me and yet I was still placed in the dark. That Council Meeting?"

Excruciating pain tears through my chest at the memory and I can see a look of helplessness spread across my father's face.

"It sounded like you were basically handing me off to Aro," my voice breaks, but I make sure to hold his gaze. His eyes widen and he quickly begins to argue.

"No, Bella, that was not -."

I interrupt him again.

"I know," my words clearly confuse him and his voice breaks off.

"Edward explained it to me. The reason why you had to come back and why you can't leave," I take a breath.

"I understand, Dad. You're the head of the Swan family now, you have your responsibilities to the Pack and I get that. I just wish you had been the one to tell me. I wish you had prepared me for some of the curveballs that have been thrown my way. I'm mated to a Beta now, a future Alpha, and I have no idea what I'm doing because I haven't been given the information I need! Information I deserve!" my voice rises as I'm finally able to put some of my insecurities into words.

The look on my father's face is one of deep regret and it physically hurts to see him like this, but I know our relationship can't start mending before we've laid it all out there. Feeling extremely vulnerable, I avert my gaze, my wolf rises within me and it looks as though she's trying to give me comfort. She looks proud of me.

Silence spreads yet again between my father and I, but this time it feels tense and strained. I can hear movement and the soft mumbling of people downstairs, but within these four walls it's as though both my father and I are afraid to even breathe. Luckily it doesn't take too long before my father breaks the silence by clearing his throat. My eyes are still fixed on the uneven floorboards as I'm still feeling extremely vulnerable after my outburst. My father's heavy footsteps move closer and soon the tips of his newly shined shoes enter my line of sight. His movements are slow, tentative almost, as though he is approaching some wild unfamiliar animal. Then he expels a deep sigh and suddenly I'm wrapped into his strong arms in a deeply awaited embrace. On instinct my arms find their way around his waist and I hold on tight, welcoming my father's comfort.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he whispers gruffly in my ear and tears immediately well up in my eyes.

I bury my nose in his chest and breathe him in. The familiarity of him and his tight hold on me is exactly what I've been missing. I've desperately been needing my Dad in all of this and finally it feels as though I have him. He holds me close for a long time, repeating those much needed words of apology, and it's as though I can feel some of the rifts in my heart begin to heal.

I don't know how long we stand there, all I know is when my father's hands tilt my head up to meet his eyes and he gently wipes away the remainder of my tears, I feel lighter somehow.

"I'm so proud of you, kiddo," he whispers gruffly and automatically my cheeks begin to heat with embarrassment.

"You've flourished here, did you know that? As a witch, a wolf and as a woman, you amaze me. And not only have you flourished, you have essentially done it on your own. You are the strongest person I know, Bella."

His words mean more to me than I can even begin to express, so I don't say a word.

"Edward is lucky to have you at his side, and the Pack? You are going to knock their socks off, kiddo, trust me," he tells me confidently and my heart warms at his words.

My eyes drop slightly to his tie and I pull back slightly so that I can redo it. Sending him a scolding look, he suppresses a laugh and allows me to work my magic. My father was never good at tying his own tie, so it was something that my mother taught me at a very young age. As I work, my father tries to start a conversation.

"So, did Edward tell you what to expect today?"

His words make me smile as they prove to me that my father is truly trying to do what I've asked.

"I think so, yeah, but please feel free," I respond, concentrating on my task.

He clears his throat again before explaining in great detail exactly what I can expect from the day's ceremony. Most of it, I've heard before, but I welcome the repetition and the fact that my father is making an effort means more to me than I can say.

When there is a soft knock at the door, my father and I both turn in surprise. Edward's bright eyes meet mine and I can feel how happy he is for me. There's a slight hint of uncertainty and perhaps even fear coming from him, but I quickly realize that it's because of my father. The look he's sending Edward is one of deep suspicion and threat. I lightly punch him in the shoulder and he quickly changes his expression to his usual stoic one, but I can easily see the humor in his eyes.

"Daddy, be nice," I warn him and walk over to my mate.

As soon as my hand touches his, a ripple of pleasure rolls through me and it's as though something clicks into place deep inside of me. Edward quickly pulls me to his side and tightens his hold around me. When I'm safely tucked against his side, he looks up and meets my father's gaze again. I can see a softness cross my father's face and recognize that although he puts on a Papa-Bear persona in front of my mate, my father is in all honesty truly happy for us both.

"The wake is about to begin," Edward declares and I can see how my father rolls his shoulders back, preparing himself for what I know will be a difficult day for him.

"Then let's get this show on the road," my father replies and takes the lead as we all make our way down the steps to the first floor.

The wake and funeral are heartbreaking and beautiful all at the same time. I stay between my father and Edward for most of the proceedings and I'm able to stay focused and not become distracted by constant looks and soft whispers pointed in my direction. This is our first appearance as a couple, for Edward and myself, but at the same time it's my role as Nanna and Pop's granddaughter that is my main focus. It's strange, but it's as though I'm able to ignore everything else aside from the unity of my extended family and mate, which makes me feel strong and sure during this moment.

When the time comes for the caskets to descend, I don't even hesitate as I step forward and pay my final respects with Edward by my side. Likewise, when some of the men are supposed to begin shoveling the large pile of dirt next to the two graves, I don't even think twice when I leave the safety and comfort of Edward's arms and call upon the earth to do my bidding. The Earth immediately responds to my command and begins to cover my grandparents' caskets and fill those two deep graves. My reaction feels like the most natural thing in the world. This, using my gifts as a witch to help my family, is my responsibility. It's my duty to help the Pack in any way that I can.

Wanting everything to be perfect for Nanna and Pop, I spend some extra time and coax the grass to grow faster and prepare the seeds of some wildflowers that will sprout up in just a few days over these newly covered, adjacent graves. The extra attention and connection to the Earth in this area makes me certain that my grandparents' have successfully been put to rest. This beautiful spot is exactly where they were meant to be and it gives me an incredible sense of peace.

When I finally turn around I see that the crowd has been dissolved and most of my family has begun to move towards the changing areas down at the barn. My eyes immediately search out Edward and it doesn't take me long to find him about a stone toss away talking to Alice and Jasper. They look as though they are in deep conversation so I quickly avert my gaze. I still don't feel ready to meet any one of Edward's sisters and I'll gladly put it off for as long as I can. Soon, my perusing eyes lock onto a lonely figure of a very familiar female whose unresponsive eyes appear to be transfixed by the heart shaped headstone belonging to our grandparents. Leah. She doesn't appear to have moved even an inch from her spot at the foot of the two graves where our entire family gathered after we paid our final respects. She's standing there alone now as though she's frozen, her face is completely blank and unresponsive, but I can sense that there is a storm brewing inside of her, just below the surface.

From what I've gathered, Nanna and Pop basically raised Leah and I know that her grief and sorrow must be excruciating and profound. However, my impression of her is that she's trying to push it back for some reason and I don't know why. Slowly, I make my way towards her, but she doesn't respond, clearly lost in thought. It pains me to see her like this, so when I'm close enough, I decide I need to do what I can to pull her out of this and help her in any way that I can.

"You okay?" I ask softly and her body jumps as she startles. Her eyes shoot to mine, confirming my thoughts.

There's a war in her alright. An absolutely devastated look crosses her features and she holds her breath for a second before she answers my question.

"No," she pauses. "I just want this day to be over," she reveals honestly and I can relate.

I nod and tentatively reach out to take her hand to show my support. Thankfully she accepts it and I envelope her icy hand with mine.

"Yeah," I agree and we both allow a moment of silence as we stand together in front of our grandparents' two graves.

Nanna and Pop's two granddaughters. Yet again I feel compelled to connect with the Earth again and the intense comfort and joy that I feel brings tears to my eyes. I don't allow myself to deepen the connection and it doesn't take long before I feel the familiar weight of someone watching, so I send a quick whisper of thanks and then open my eyes. Leah's dark eyes are curious and I can feel my cheeks heat at the attention.

"I was just connecting to the Earth," I begin, trying to explain.

Leah simply nods, but I know that it must be difficult for her to understand. An idea pops into my head and I decide that perhaps my experience with this specific area might bring her some comfort.

"This is a beautiful spot, Leah. Even in their death they will stay connected to a land that they have lived on for most of their lives. This is what they would have wanted."

I can see that my words have hit their mark, because I can clearly see a slight crack in Leah's perfectly placed mask of indifference. My heart goes out to her, she needs to grieve. Then as soon as that small hint of vulnerability comes to view, it is quickly buried and pushed back.

"We need to go and phase," she tells me and turns away from me.

The lifelessness in her tone completely shatters me and it takes me a moment to compose myself before I can rush after her. She must feel me approach, because she slows down to allow me to walk next to her. This makes me feel hopeful that perhaps when all of this is over she'll open up and when she does, I'll be there. We walk together towards the barn in comfortable silence.

The next element of the ceremonies today is the one I'm most nervous about. The human part of us have now had their chance to say their goodbyes, but now it's time for our wolves to do the same. Both Edward and my father have done their very best to prepare me, but since it isn't anything I've experienced before, I still feel uneasy. Then there is also the fact that Edward and I are expected to join Carlisle and Esme in our wolf forms to lead the Pack in song. Edward has assured me that it will come naturally and that I just need to hand over the reins to my wolf, but that's part of what makes me hesitant. The way my wolf has been acting the past few days is very unusual and to be honest, I don't know if I trust her. I guess we'll just have to see what happens.

I'm lost in my own thoughts when Leah's confident strides suddenly falter and she comes to a complete stop just outside the female section of the changing area. I almost stumble over my own two feet when I try to stop myself and figure out what Leah is reacting to. The look that spreads across her face is one of complete despair and for a millisecond I wonder if the protective shield she's been holding around herself is about to burst. Before I can even respond, she turns around and runs away as fast as she possibly can.

"Leah!"

I hear from behind me as I watch my cousin's body transform into her stunning brindle colored wolf before she shoots out of sight at an incredible speed, as though hell is chasing her. Anger rises as I turn around to see who on earth could cause such a painful reaction from my beloved cousin.

The woman I see in front of me is about my age, her dark complexion proof of her Native American heritage. Her eyes are fixed on where Leah's wolf has disappeared and the longing and pain I can see clearly written on her face helps me connect the dots. This is Emily, Leah's best friend who out of nowhere ended up imprinting with Leah's then boyfriend, Sam. They had both completely shattered my cousin's heart. Rage and a surge of protectiveness so strong completely takes control of my body. Before I know what is happening, I've pushed Emily violently against a nearby wall and I'm pressing the outer side of one arm against her neck as I seethe in anger.

"You stay the hell away from her!"

For once my wolf and I are reacting in complete agreement.