If you're here because you got a new chapter alert in 2020, I promise this wasn't a fake out. I didn't know how to add a previous chapter without causing too much confusion. If you want to see what was added, please go to "10. Chapter 9." It's a filler chapter that I forgot I had, so I added it. It doesn't change the story line, so you can always skip it if you'd rather.

Well...we made it to the final chapter. You can find my more in-depth remarks at the end of this chapter.

Seasons changed, days come and went, and life went on for the Rabb family. After their late night, early morning heart to heart that fateful Sunday evening, Harm and Mac were finally on solid ground once again. Eventually, they found their "new normal" and like Bud had once told her after Sarah's death, you begin to have more happy days again. The happy days were sporadic at first, but they no longer felt wrong, and that was a huge step forward in her mind.

Mac began going to her Alcoholics Anonymous meetings on a more regular basis, and the urge to drink was much duller than it had been in the first months of losing Audrey. To supplement those meetings, she had bi-weekly appointments with Vera McCool. Those visits also proved to be incredibly beneficial and she finally felt like she had found her identity again.

Mac even had Harm join her at a few which also proved to be insightful. It helped to clear the air of any residual misconceptions from back when they were five and a half years ago, when they got engaged, they thought it was best to keep the past in the past and not dwell on all of the missed opportunities and mistakes they made with each other. They opted to only focus on the future. However, thanks to therapy, they were now more equipped to embrace that their past lead them to their present and their future. Their past played a role in defining who they were as individuals and as a couple and it was imperative to talk about the issues they buried in order to make their marriage even stronger.

When she saw them together, it was easy for Vera McCool to see how entwined the two of them were, and she knew that her patient had been right all those years ago. Harmon Rabb would never abandon Sarah MacKenzie and that was abundantly clear. Sometimes, though, people just needed a little guidance on how to communicate and express that to the people they love, and she was happy to help them in the department. She knew they would be okay in the long run.

Mac jumped back into work with two feet, and had no regrets about doing so. She loved her daughter more than anything, but she wasn't the type of person who could be a stay at home mom indefinitely. She knew that the other moms in Caroline's play groups whispered about it behind her back, but she never let it get to her. She didn't understand how some of those women could be so closed minded. Harm always reminded her that those women were stuck up and snobby, and most likely just envious of everything she could do.

Perhaps if they had to send Caroline to daycare all day everyday –and not sporadically like when Harm took her to the Pentagon daycare that summer- Mac would have had more reservations about returning to work. However, Harriet insisted on babysitting and the arrangement worked out perfectly. The "mom guilt" she felt was brief. She found work almost instantly at a moderate sized law firm that focused on child custody cases, child advocacy, family law, and adoption law. She had been appointed by the court on several cases as guardian-ad litem and found that she even got to use her investigatory skills once again. She respected and admired her coworkers and found that working at this law firm was nothing like working at Dalton's firm all those years ago where she was only "permitted" to write briefs for the partners. She was happy there and she enjoyed it. Harm was so glad she found a law firm that she could thrive in and he could tell that she loved it as much as she had loved JAG.

Harm did help her brush up on statutes and case laws, and he graciously made room in his home office for to have her own space as well. Occasionally, they both would have to bring work home with them, and after they put Caroline to bed, they would end up in the office. With their desk lamps illuminating the small space, pencils, yellow legal pads, and case files spread out between them, they often felt like they were back at JAG again, working late on cases together . Sometimes they even ordered Chinese for old times' sake.

They didn't make a decision yet on whether or not they would pursue adoption or fostering down the road – it was still too soon for them to think that way after just losing Audrey in May – but they were both open to discussion about it. They did, however, begin the process of an adult adoption for Mattie since Tom had once again abandoned her. The plan was to prove that they had stood "in loco parentis" for Mattie for longer than three months before she turned eighteen, to remind the court that Harm did have temporary legal custody of Mattie during her health crisis, and that they had wanted to adopt her before but she had turned eighteen before that happened. Preparing to go to court for that was by far some of the most unusual caselaw Mac had ever studied, and she knew that no matter how well she thought she and Harm could argue a case, they needed help. Colleagues had told Mac that that most judges weren't too keen on adult adoptions because they were old-school judges and the concept of an adult adoption was relatively new and still very unusual. The most senior partner at Mac's firm, heard through the grapevine what she, Harm, and Mattie wanted to do, and he offered to take the case for them. Mac was amazed by his generosity and compassion towards her and her family and knew without a doubt that she picked the right firm to work for. Mattie's adoption was on track to be finalized at the end of the year, and they all were thrilled about that.

Not too long after their late-night turning point, the time was right to resume the most intimate part of their relationship completely. That part of their relationship had a new dynamic, and although it was different, it was not bad nor scary. It felt right because the two of them were together. It made her feel complete and safe in the best way possible and all those little things she had anxiety about – her caesarian scar, her libido changing and so much more – didn't intimidate her as much now because everything was less scary to her when she and Harm were facing the issues together.

On Labor Day weekend, Harm had a few extra days of leave, so they drove up to the farm earlier than they normally would with the knowledge that they could stay even longer, too. It was the first time they made the trip to the farm in a very long time, and both of them were really looking forward to it.

It felt so good to leave Alexandria for a few days, and Caroline thought the whole thing was some type of grand adventure. They played hours of "I Spy" in the car and much to their surprise, Caroline only asked "are we there yet" once. Harm had a feeling that she was slowly beginning to inherit more of her mother's internal clock every day.

From the moment her parents unbuckled her from the car seat and let her run up to the front porch, Caroline loved the farm and the airfield. She was completely in awe of "Sarah" and listened intently as Harm told her about the plane and how important it was to him. When Caroline was sitting in the cockpit smiling, and Harm was leaning next to the plane explaining what certain controls were, Mac snapped the perfect picture. It wasn't even planned or set up – the moment was completely candid – but it was so much like that picture Harm had with his father that Mac couldn't let the opportunity slip away. Someday, Mac knew that Harm and Caroline would recrate the image again with an F-14 or something, and Mac knew that moment would cement Caroline's desire to be the next Rabb naval aviator. She just knew. Maybe Harm was right...it was in the Rabb blood.

That weekend at the farm, the Roberts family came up for two days. It was tradition for Uncle Harm to take all his godchildren for plane rides every Labor Day. The weekend was filled with laughter and cookouts and simply an all-around wonderful time. When Bud and Harriet were packing up their family to go home Sunday night, they offered to bring Caroline home with them so Harm and Mac could spend their remaining days at the farm alone. Mac hadn't been expecting the offer, but it was another way fate worked in mysterious ways, because now that they wouldn't need to get a sitter for Caroline, she could ask Harm to take her flying.

It was still hot and humid late Sunday night when Harm and Mac were sitting together on the front porch swing. Harm was using his foot to gently move the swing back and forth and sounds of soft jazz music filtered to the outside from the stereo inside. They were alternating between giving each other soft, sensual kisses and feeding each other pieces of cold fruit from the bowl on the table beside them.

Mac had her arm looped through Harm's and her head resting on his shoulder. "Hey, can I ask you something?" she ventured, as she brought her gaze up to meet his.

"Always," he replied. Something in her tone caused him to furrow his brow. She sounded unsure of herself and it worried him.

"Will you take me flying tomorrow?" She asked, hopefully. "Unless of course you had enough of a fix today and aren't up to it..." she trailed off when she noticed the look in his eyes. She smirked to herself knowing that she had completely managed to catch him off guard with her question. She could tell there was no way he would have expected her to ask him that.

"You want to go flying with me? In "Sarah?" Who are you and what have you done with my wife?" Harm asked, shocked. She hadn't flown in "Sarah" with him since the poachers shot her when they first became partners.

Mac nodded. "Yes. Just a nice, simple, calm flight. No theatrics and hopefully no poachers."

"Are you sure you don't have a fever or something?" He reached out and touched her forehead.

She smiled. "There's a reason I want to fly with you. Hear me out?" she asked.

"Argue your case, Counselor," he said, with a smile. "I'm listening."

"I brought Audrey's ashes with us, and if you are okay with it, too, I think it is the right time to spread them."

Harm was taken aback and stopped rocking the swing. He always figured they would spread their daughter's ashes someday, but he didn't think Mac would be ready for that now. He thought it would be a long way down the road. "You're sure?"

She nodded and squeezed his hand. "I'm ready. Are you? If you aren't, we can wait."

"I'm ready," he said, softly.

"I have been thinking about it for a while, and it just feels right," she continued. "At first, I thought it would be nice to spread them at the farm because of how important this place is to us, but then I remembered that you flew somewhere when you spread Grandma Sarah's ashes. I was thinking you can fly us to that spot. It would mean a lot to me if Audrey and Grandma Sarah were together."

He could feel the tears form in his eyes. He went alone to spread his grandmother's ashes and settle the rest of her estate after her passing. Mac had been eight months pregnant at the time, and her doctor advised her not to travel. He didn't want to leave Mac so close to her due date, but he didn't have much of choice. He only planned on being gone for three days at most, and Jen had assured Harm she would make sure Mac was well taken care of in London. Mac wished she could have gone with Harm for support and comfort, but found peace in knowing that Trish and Frank were going to meet him at the farm for at least one of those days.

When the time came to actually spread Grandma Sarah's ashes, he told his mother and stepfather that he wanted to do something more symbolic than just spreading them at the farm. He finally decided he wanted to take her for one last ride in the plane that shared her name. He didn't set out with a destination in mind, he just decided to take off and see where he would wind up. It didn't take him long to find the perfect spot – it was only about 30 minutes south of the airfield. It was a beautiful, spacious clearing surrounded by mountains in the distance. Something about it made it more calm and serene than any place he had ever found before. He told Mac that night when he called her that it was like Grandma Sarah had guided him there. In the years since her death, he found himself returning to that spot when he needed to decompress. It helped him feel close to Grams just like going to the wall helped him feel close to his dad.

"Harm? Are you okay?" she questioned when he didn't say anything. "We can go somewhere else if you'd rather..."

"Mac, I think that is perfect." He said when he finally found his voice again. "It will be really comforting for me to know that they are together." His voice was so soft she could hardly hear him

She nodded her head against his chest. "Me, too."

They resumed swinging again in a comfortable silence, each one reflecting on the whirlwind of a ride their life had taken them on in the last ten months. Both coming to the same conclusion – there was no one else they would rather have by their side through all of this.

That flying experience was so amazing to her...spiritual even. She felt grounded, and calmer, and closer than ever to Harm. She even told him that she would fly with him on a more regular basis now. Harm had tried to play it cool, but Mac could tell how excited he was that she felt that way now. Flying was such an important part of his life, and she knew that he loved sharing that with her.

Rabb Residence
November 19, 2010

Harm walked through the front door of the house with a bounce in his step. It was a cool, crisp November afternoon. He knew Mac was only working half a day, so he decided to clear his afternoon and leave the office early, too. It was the little moments like that he enjoyed the most. Sure, the big moments- birthdays, vacations, and holidays- were memorable and special, but there was something he liked so much about a simple hour or two on a random day where they could simply enjoy being together. Those moments were incredibly beautiful to him.

Harm hung up his overcoat and took of his jacket. He placed his briefcase on the floor in the foyer and his cover on the table. He sniffed, smelling the heavenly aromas of the house and instantly knew Mac had baked an apple pie. He grinned as he followed the sounds of The Monotones coming from the stereo to the kitchen.

"Tell me, tell me, tell me oh, who wrote the book of love," Mac sang as she danced, with Caroline in her arms, around the island in the kitchen. The kitchen very well looked like an atomic bomb of flour went off, but Mac didn't seem to care, she was too busy making memories with Caroline.

"Book of love!" Caroline practically screamed very off key as she ran her fingers through Mac's hair and made streaks of flour in it. She admired her own handiwork and giggled. "Mommy looks silly!"

Mac picked up a very small amount of flour from the counter top and ran it through Caroline's hair. "There, now Caroline looks silly, too," she laughed.

Caroline caught a glimpse of their reflection in the glass front of the wall oven. "We have hair like Uncle AJ," she laughed. "It's white!"

Harm's smile grew as he crossed the threshold of the kitchen and made himself known. When he met Mac in the rose garden all those years ago, he never could have known how is life would turn out. They had their share of trials, tribulations and heartache, but they were also blessed enough to share so much joy together as well. There was a time when he never could have pictured himself settling down and starting a family, but hindsight was twenty-twenty. Settling down, starting a family and doing all the things that scare you are easier when they are with the right person, and Sarah MacKenzie was that person – together they made each other better.

"Hi, there," he finally said.

Mac spun around, still swaying to the music. Her smile grew even brighter when they made eye contact. "You're home early. What's the occasion?"

"No occasion – just decided to clear my schedule early today," he closed the distance between them and gave her a quick kiss.

"Hi, Daddy!" Caroline exclaimed happily. "You need hair like Uncle AJ, too," she said as she dropped a handful of flour on top of his head. "There," she giggled, she reached her arms out towards Harm and he took her from her mother's arms, not even caring that he would have to take this uniform straight to the cleaner's tomorrow morning.

"How was your day, Itsy-Bitsy?"

"Fun! Aunt Harriet bought me a purple bow AND a purple dress and then Mommy and I made pie and danced. Can you dance with me and Mommy now? Ple-eeaze?"

"It would be my pleasure. May I have this dance?" He requested formally as he moved Caroline to one hip and extended his hand outward to his wife.

"Always," came her simple, yet meaningful reply, as she took his hand and the family danced to the music in the background. "You and me, Rabb. We're in this together."

There was a lot about life that he didn't know. He didn't know about where his career would lead him. Would he be the next JAG? Or would he get a completely different billet someday and have to move his family across the world again? Would they pursue adoption down the road? He didn't know that either. But what he did know was that blood didn't make a family...love did. And he was blessed to say that they had a whole lot of love in their lives. No matter the size was of their family, they would be able to be happy and face whatever life threw at them as long as they were together.

.

Who wrote the book of love
Baby, baby, baby
I love you, yes I do
Well, it says so in this book of love
Ours is the one that's true
I wonder, wonder who, bi du du, who
Who wrote the book of love

A few final notes I wanted to leave here at this end of this story:

First of all – thank you to each and everyone of you who took the time to read and review and stick with me on this journey I took Harm and Mac on – typos and all! Child loss, depression, alcoholism, and marriage rough patches are a very real part of society, and I hope I addressed it in a realistic and respectful way.

I actually started writing this story in 2015...would you believe that? Almost exactly four years ago, I wrote the prologue, chapter fifteen and the epilogue. I knew how I wanted to start, and how I wanted it to end, but I struggled with everything in between for a long time -probably because I never wrote something so sad –or so long- before.

It was tough at times, and I let it sit in a random folder on my computer harddrive for years until I decided to challenge myself to finish this story regardless. In 2017, I revisited it again, but still struggled with how I wanted to proceed, so I took a break from it and I wrote the sequel first – Tell Me The Story – which follows Harm, Mac, and Caroline several years down the road.

So, enough of my rambling. If you haven't already read – Tell Me The Story – I would love it if you dropped by to see where my version of the Rabb family was in 2017, and even if you already read the story, maybe you'd like to read it again now that you know what lead them to where they were in that story. (I will go back in the new future to make sure that everything in these two stories line up, but I'm pretty sure they should without any major revisions needed).

I hope this isn't the end of the Rabb family that I crafted in this universe. I would love to revisit them again, but I can't promise my muse will cooperate. Hopefully it will. What I would really like to do would be to make a story of one shots that take place after this ends. I feel like Caroline is at such a fun age at this point and I would love to see some more of Harm and Mac's interactions with her at this particular stage in their lives. If there is anything you'd like to see in particular, please speak up! Maybe it will spark something!