Chapter 17 - Happy Birthday, Legosi/Hello, Louis

A few days later, Sunday, the 9th of April, Louis the red deer was released from the hospital, his clothes, and jewelry given back to him. He didn't put the ring back on. His bandages were removed just the day before and he felt the warm sun on his fur as he stepped outside.

Before he left, he had asked for directions back to the Hidden Condo, and now he was following them mentally. The day before, he determined that he still wasn't ready to see Legosi and that he was going to have to stay somewhere else. After much thinking and debating, he finally decided. He just needed to go home and get some clothes.

He was glad it was Sunday because that meant Legosi was at work and this would be easy for him...The thing that bothered him most was that he couldn't stop thinking about how it was Legosi's birthday and seeing him again would be an amazing present. But he wasn't ready, so he came up with another idea as he traveled home.

Louis' nose wrinkled as he walked in, blinking. It smelled awful. How did it get so bad so fast? He walked in further and saw that the futon was just rolled out on the floor, not folded up like it usually was during the day. The house was also a mess, with takeout food boxes on the floor, some clothes around, and the bags of dirty laundry that never got done right where Legosi had left them. The deer was now really afraid of the wolf that was waiting for him.

The deer looked around, sighing. In all of this, the wolf probably had forgotten it was his birthday. He elected to write him a card. It was the least he could do.

He went to where they kept their paper, taking out a sheet and a pen and going to the table, writing his letter.

Dear Legosi,

I'm sorry that I've put you through all this. Happy Birthday.

Louis looked down at his note, hoping it wasn't too short. At least he was probably the only animal that remembered, besides maybe, Gosha.

He gathered a suitcase full of clothes and then went to the door, looking back to their former home. He really thought he could do it…

With one last sigh, he left, leaving the door unlocked and making his way to the only place he could think of to go.

Legosi stepped through the doors and into the Hidden Condo. Today was the first day he had left it since visiting the hospital. That morning, Gosha had come to pick him up and take him out to eat for his birthday, which Legosi had completely forgotten about. Afterwards he drove him to work, attending each of his presentations for support. The whole day he didn't mention Louis at all, treating everything as if it were normal. It felt wrong.

Mel was surprisingly upset at hearing the news, and Legosi was monotone and low energy during each bug exhibition, clearly boring the audience each time. After work, Gosha took him out to dinner and then dropped him off at home.

From the lobby and through the halls, Legosi's nose twitched. He didn't think much of it until he was at the door to his apartment. His ears perked up and he threw the door open, rushing in and sniffing.

Louis had been there.

He looked around, frantically. The room was empty, and all of Louis' clothes were gone. Legosi ran out the door and down the steps, back to the reception area. "A-ah! Excuse me! Was Louis here today?"

The avian looked up at him from behind her glasses. "Why, yes. He came by but left shortly after."

"When? When was this?"

"Oh, it's been hours now. I don't think he's coming back. He had a suitcase with him."

A deep whine formed in the back of the wolf's throat. There was no scent outside of the building, as it had no doubt gotten blown around and mixed up with all the other animals outside. He went back to his room, collapsing into one of the chairs. The past few days had been very rough, and he had even clawed up his other arm (but with bandages and alcohol at the ready as per Pina's advice).

He glanced down, noting a piece of paper with writing on it. He grabbed it, picking up Louis' scent on it.

...

Reading it caused a myriad of emotions in the wolf. Confusion. Sadness. Anger. Longing.

Legosi brought his phone out. Louis was out of the hospital. He had to try.

The phone rang. Again. And again.

Louis' voice soon was heard. "Haha, hi! You've reached Louis. I'm probably busy with my wolf at the moment, but leave a message and I'll get back to you. Thanks."

Legosi let out a long, stuttered breath. He remembered recording that. That was somehow their best take. It was sunny that day. They had laid around all day.

Beep.

The wolf inhaled, ready to leave his message.

Louis sat, waiting outside where he would hopefully be staying. If he were allowed to, that is. He heard his phone ring, but he didn't answer it once he saw it was Legosi. Soon, he had a voicemail. Did he dare open it?

Yes.

The wolf's meek, quiet voice soon came through. "Hey...Louis. It's Legosi...you know that. Um...I got your note...I wanted to spend my 18th birthday at that coffee shop...with you. I didn't even remember it was my birthday until grandpa told me today."

There was a shaky breath, and when he spoke again, tears were clear in his voice. "I...I forgive you, Louis. I will always forgive you. I will always take you back. Just remember that. Pina told me...he told me you think you're not good enough..." A pause so the wolf could wheeze. "...But you are. And I don't care if you have these problems...I need you in my life. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm so reliant on you. I know I should be more independent. I'm trying. So...if you decide to stay away from me...I'll try. I'll try...hoping that one day you'll come back. We...we don't even have to get married. We can just be friends. I just want to see you."

The wolf coughed. "Well...I'm gonna shut up now. I hope you listen to this, at least...bye...I hope you had a good day today...and you have a good one tomorrow. I love you...more than anything. I love you."

And that was the end.

Louis was in tears by the end of it, sniffling and wiping his eyes. Maybe he should just go home, back into the arms of the one that loves him...Why couldn't he just get over this! Why was he so fucking scared?!

The voice of an older man broke Louis away from his thoughts. "Louis?"

The deer looked up. "Gosha-san..." He stood up.

The old lizard tensed up at the sight of the deer. He was antlerless, and looked as if he had been crying. The pitiful sight of him alone kept Gosha from snapping at him in anger, despite that being his first reaction to seeing him. This man had hurt his grandson, damaged him even more than when his mother had died. But seeing Louis in front of him like that...he knew that he was also his grandson.

Gosha swallowed back his venom and held out his big arms. "Louis..."

Louis went to him. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry..."

"Shh. Come here." Gosha wrapped him up in his big arms, rocking him back and forth gently. The lack of antlers allowed Louis' head to get buried deep into his strong chest.

"I'm sorry..." The cervid repeated.

"Let's talk about it inside. C'mon."

The deer nodded, going to his suitcase and pulling the handle up, rolling it behind him as he followed Gosha into the house.

The lizard put on a pot of water, getting tea ready. "Are you staying here, Louis?"

"That's...What I was hoping. I'm sorry. I didn't know where else to go. I'm sorry..." He went over to the table, resting his arms on it and then his head on his arms, just watching the old lizard move around the kitchen. It was so strange being here without Legosi.

"That's fine. Are you okay staying in Legosi's old room?" Gosha looked back at Louis with concern. The concern in those eyes was so similar to the worried look Legosi would give.

"Um..." He hiccuped, looking down the hall. "...Okay."

"For how long?" The old lizard turned to face him head on now, leaning back against the counter.

"...I don't know." The buck just blinked. "I'm sorry if this causes you any trouble. I promise I'll be a good house guest. I'll help you with whatever you need. Just please don't kick me out on the streets..."

Gosha held his hands up. "Don't worry, Louis! I won't! You're family. I would never turn my back on my family."

Tears welled up in Louis' eyes and he buried his head in his arms, sobbing softly. How much would he do this? He had never cried so much in his life.

He soon felt a large hand on his back, rubbing softly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

The deer sniffled. "I'm sick and I need help...I just feel like a weight to everyone. I'm more ashamed than anything...Your grandson deserves better than a suicidal deer."

Gosha exhaled, long and deep. "I saw him today, you know. Was with him all day for his birthday. Do you want to know how he's doing?"

"Yes!"

The lizard sat down next to him, not keeping his hand off his back. "He's not doing well. He barely talked to me, and his eyes didn't leave the ground. He looked like he hadn't slept or showered. I was there for his presentations...I could barely hear him the whole time. The shopkeeper even cancelled the last one and sent him home early. I'm worried about him. His apartment is a mess as well."

"I saw," Louis whispered. "Did I...break him?

How could he love me after I hurt him so badly...? He'll get over it, eventually, right? I just need to stay grounded. He sighed, scooting his chair back. "I'm going to get settled in the room."

He didn't even wait for Gosha to respond as he left down the hall into the room, closing the door behind him. He threw his suitcase down without a care and laid back on the bed, where he and Legosi also slept together every night they stayed here. Stop thinking about him, Louis. It's over. He blinked, remembering he had to do something else. Pulling out his phone, he sent a message to a certain Dall sheep.

Louis: I'm finally out.

It took a few minutes, but there was a response.

Pina: yo. how u doin

Louis: Not good.

Pina: yeahhhh i didnt expect you to so early. i saw legosi the day i visited u

Louis: I heard he's a mess. That kills me.(edited)

Pina: he is. i hung out with him and had dinner but he barely talked the whole time. im going to check on him periodically. i also left a note for shogi. got all the base covered for ya bud ;)

Louis: And what about me?

He blinked, looking at the phone. He didn't even think before he sent that.

Pina: what do you want?

Louis: Who's going to come see me? Gosha has work, I'll be alone pretty often...Nevermind. I don't know what I'm saying.

Pina: staying at goshas? he doesnt mind?

Louis: I am. He doesn't mind, but I hope he doesn't feel like I'm using him...I'm not!

Pina: man is a saint. he would house u even if u stabbed him in the kidney and stole his applesauce. no dont ask me what that metaphor is

Louis: Yeah. I'm just glad I'm at least covered. I wish I could see you more often. I have a lot of free time on my hands and a lot of talking to do.

Pina: wheres he live. gimme addrss

Louis gave him the address, smiling as he did so.

Louis: I'll make sure to talk to him about you visiting.

Pina: cool cool. i can come by tomorrow after class. ill tell bill im not feeling well

Louis: Sounds good. I'll make sure to be awake and ready. Though, I'm pretty sure I'll be awake.

Pina: hey naps are cool id be down for a nap

Louis: We can do whatever. It will be nice to just have someone there. I'm a mess right now.

Pina: ill help clean u up

Louis: Seems like that's all anyone asks of you...I'm sorry.

Pina: hey u really helped me that night sneaking into gons. and i know youll help me out later in life. its cool i promise

There was a knock on the doorframe."Louis?"

Louis turned his head. "Yes sir?"

"Tea's done...if you want any." Gosha gave him a sad look before turning and walking down the hall, his long tail flicking after him.

The deer thought for a moment and decided he did. He texted Pina one last time before he left.

Louis: I'll make sure it's worth it. Goodnight. Glad I'll be seeing you tomorrow.

Pina: nite. hope ur dreams can be nice at least

With that, Louis clambered out of the room for tea. "Grandfather...Is it too much trouble for me to ask to have Pina over while you're at work? He's been my rock lately and he's going to keep checking on me to make sure I'm doing okay. If not, that's totally okay and I'm sorry I'm even asking..."

"As long as you don't trash the place, I'm fine." The lizard held his tongue. Legosi was his rock, and Louis was Legosi's rock. The whole thing didn't make sense to him, but he didn't want to encroach. He didn't have all the context, he figured.

"We won't. I promise. We're just going to talk."

Gosha took a long sip of his tea, sighing in contentment as the warmth flowed through his cold blooded form. "That's good. Lots of talking is what you need now."

"I need a lot more than that," Louis explained. "It will take time." He moved his finger around the rim of the cup. "Oguma visited me while I was there."

Gosha's eyes went wide. He took another sip of tea. "Go on."

"At first, he acted like it was a waste of time...But then, I got angry and confronted him about how he never cared for me or gave me a childhood...I thought he would shrug it off but I realized that it took seeing me like that there to come to his senses. But...even before that, he told me he went to therapy after we escaped..."

"Oh...well that's good. Some good news out of this whole thing is nice..."

"He said he'd pay for my food and therapy and send checks to Legosi and Shogi..." Louis took a breath. "Thank goodness."

"O-oh, really? Well, that's good! You know I would keep sending him checks but this will help me too..." Gosha turned to the cabinet. "Want something to eat?"

"Not really," Louis mumbled, even though he was starving. "Thanks for the offer."

Gosha brought a package of biscuits out and took them into the living room. "I'm going to watch some TV now. You can join me if you want, of course."

"I...think I'm going to go to bed." Louis said, finishing his tea. "I love you, Gosha-san."

The old lizard smiled at him, sadly. "I love you too. So much. You'll always have a room here."

Louis nodded, leaving to get some rest, checking his phone to see if he had any more messages or...voicemails.

There was nothing, so he got ready for bed, planning to shower tomorrow. The bed was so familiar as he curled under the same blanket they always curled up naked under, their warm fur pressed together, Legosi's arm around him, sometimes rubbing his stomach. Memories of the lovemaking in this bed flooded his mind as well. Even broken up with the wolf, his mind was filled with him. How frustrating.