Chapter 18

The next morning came and went. Neither of Kakashi nor Naome made a move to get up from the bed, and neither of them brought up the events from the night before though their naked bodies under the sheets said more than enough already. The air wasn't tense. It was just that both of them were lost in their own thoughts throughout the whole morning.

It was a bit different than Naome had thought it would be. Neither of them were cuddling one another, in fact, their bodies never touched and they never made eye contact. The morning after was always rough, she figured, especially when you didn't know where each other stood in the relationship. But for some reason, it seemed a lot more manageable with Shikamaru the first time they had done it. Then it hit her. Shikamaru…

"We need to talk-,"

"Don't, please." Naome begged as she cut him off.

Kakashi sat up and leaned against the headboard, the blanket falling to his lap and exposing his chest. "Naome, we need to talk about this."

Naome wasn't ready for this. She hadn't realized how this morning would have gone. She wasn't ready for Kakashi pushing her away after their one night stand. She wasn't ready to have her heart crushed because Kakashi didn't acknowledge or return her feelings. She wasn't ready to have to return home to Shikamaru and look him in the eye after having slept with her sensei of all people.

Reality hit her like a wrecking ball. She had to go home and explain this to Shikamaru. She had to go home, look the man she loved in the eye, and let him know that she cheated on him. Naome sat up too and pulled her knees to her chest while burying her head in her arms.

"Please Kakashi, I can't talk about this right now."

Kakashi watched in pain as she sheltered herself away from him. It seemed they both knew that whatever this was, was over.

"Okay," He said. He leaned over and gave her one last reassuring kiss on the top of her head before he grabbed his clothes and walked into the bathroom. He allowed the warm water to stream over his body as he hung his head in deep thought.

He wanted to be with her so bad. He wanted to return her feelings and hold her close, but despite all the issues with age and seniority, and the idea that the whole village might condemn them, the only thing that was holding him back was the thought of hurting her.

He knew he wasn't ready to be in a relationship. His heart wasn't ready to be shattered again by losing someone close to him. He'd rather not have such emotional attachment to someone because after all, everyone that he had was now gone. His parents, his teammates, his sensei. It wasn't until he made a move forward last night that he realized his past still haunted him, pulling him ten steps back. A part of his heart was still with Rin.

"Damn it!" He hissed as he hit a closed fist into the tiles of the shower wall. He must have cracked something but he couldn't feel it.

He was a grown man now, meaning he knew what was good for him, and he knew he should be moving on. But when it came down to it, he still had flashbacks every day and night of the girl he once loved. Seeing Naome reminded him of her too, which explained why he was so overprotective of her. He knew he should fight to overcome every obstacle and be with someone who genuinely loved him and more than anyone, deserved to be loved as well. But he just couldn't do it.

Kakashi had spent enough time in the shower that it began running the hot water dry. The others in his apartment complex would hate him. He quickly got dressed, brushed his teeth and pulled on his black mask as usual. When he opened the door, the kunoichi was no longer in his bed. Kakashi's heart dropped as he thought about her leaving without a word, but then he sniffed a familiar scent of eggs and bacon from the kitchen.

He reached his bed and threw his bedsheets into the laundry bin before heading out into the kitchen. Standing further behind, he admired Naome's gracefulness as she maneuvered around the kitchen. Her once messy hair was pulled back into a loose bun, and his t-shirt hung off one shoulder on her like the night before. Kakashi gulped, what he would do to take her again right this very instant.

"I know you're there you know." Naome said as she turned around and brought two plates of finished breakfasts to the dining table.

Kakashi grinned, despite the fact that he had been caught red handed. "I thought I would learn a thing or two about cooking," he lied.

Naome scoffed as she took a seat. "If I need to teach you how to fry an egg and skillet bacon, we have a major problem here."

Kakashi gave in and let out a light laugh as he took a seat and they dug into their food. They focused on their food for a few minutes before Kakashi cleared his throat. Naome looked up from her plate as Kakashi leaned back into his chair. "You know...no one can know about this."

Naome dropped her eyes back to her food. She finished the last bite of it and stood up to wash the plate. "Yeah, I know."

Kakashi followed after, placing his own plate in the sink. "We can't be together."

He watched as the girl sent him a quick nod and wordlessly finished cleaning and went back into the washroom. She came out with her old, now dried, set of clothes and headed for the door.

He caught her hand just as she was turning the handle. "Are we going to be okay?"

Naome turned to send Kakashi a small smile. Despite that, Kakashi could see the hurt in her eyes, and he knew he was asking her for the impossible. "Yeah, we'll be okay."

With that, he felt her arm slip from her fingertips as she walked out of his door.

Naome knew she had to go back to the Nara residence. Yoshino and Shikaku had probably discovered that she had been missing and were worried about her whereabouts. She wondered for a moment if Shikamaru would have gone looking for her too whether at night, or in the morning. He must not have though, because it would have been fairly obvious where she had gone. There was only one place she felt comfortable going to.

When she arrived back, she purposely avoided the common areas and she went to get changed first into more appropriate clothing. Afterwards, she went downstairs to check in with her aunt and uncle. Shikaku had gone on to work in the hokage's office while Naome found Yoshino out back, gathering some medicinal herbs that she was sure would be sent to the hospital.

"Hi aunty," Naome greeted the woman as she squatted next to her and began helping her pluck the plants from the ground.

"Good morning, Naome! I'm glad to see you're home." No malice was in the mother's voice despite the fact that Naome had practically run away in the middle of the night.

"I'm glad to be home too." Home, she thought. Was it really home? Was this home anymore? Afterall, Shikamaru had made his point loud and clear the night prior. This was not her home, she was just an outsider.

Sensing the pain behind her words, and having heard the argument last night from her own room, Yoshino turned to Naome with a sad look in her eyes. "I'm sorry for the way Shikamaru has been acting lately."

Naome smiled sadly at the woman. "No, it's okay. I know where he's coming from. Besides, it's been hard on you and uncle too."

"Yeah." Yoshino dropped her head, "I don't know what went wrong. Shikamaru was never like this before."

"Let's just give him some time." Naome replied. As they continued working and making small talk once in a while, Naome couldn't help but think whether or not she had given Shikamaru enough time. Part of her was sick and tired of everything and wanted to leave, but another part of her, a much greater part, couldn't detach herself from him. She wanted to believe that time could heal everything, but it had been such a vicious cycle of yelling and verbal abuse that she wondered if she was actually stuck in a toxic relationship.

It wasn't until dinner time that Naome actually saw Shikamaru face to face. She had helped Yoshino prepare dinner and had set the table when Shikamaru joined them. Shikamaru didn't even bat an eyelash at her as he took a seat next to the table. Naome kept her focus on her food, though her chest felt heavy from the idea that Shikamaru didn't even want to look at her anymore. Perhaps last night had been the last straw. Perhaps their relationship was no longer mendable and he no longer wanted to put the effort into being with her anymore.

The table ate in silence, not even bothering with small talk anymore. They had much preferred it this way now because it seemed that every other time, any type of conversation would turn into a bitter argument.

Naome missed the time when the family could talk comfortably amongst themselves. She missed the time where Yoshino's nagging would cause both Shikaku and Shikamaru to bow their heads in fear, mumbling identical sayings of "women are so troublesome" under their breath. Naome missed the times where Shikaku would tease the two younger ones about their not so discreet relationship as well as the times where Shikamaru would gloat with a giant grin on his face after beating her in a game of shogi. All of those times were gone now, and Naome couldn't help but wonder if she was at fault for ruining it. She wondered if Shikamaru's temper would have been milder if she wasn't there.

After dinner, the family spread out into their own individual activities. Yoshino went to clear the dishes, Shikaku went off to the shogi room without bothering to invite Shikamaru, and Shikamaru went up to the roof while Naome went back to her room.

She had half a mind to pack her belongings up as she looked around her room, but alas, she had nowhere to go. Perhaps it was time for her to go apartment hunting, though really, did she want to stay in Konoha if neither men could return her feelings anymore and it would just make life difficult for everyone else around her?

Sighing, Naome threw herself onto her bed and thought back to Kakashi. She tried to think about where it had gone wrong. Last night was amazing for her, and as far as she could tell, it was just as good for him as well. Yet this morning, something had clicked in both of them. Naome had wondered what it was in him that held him back too. She figured it must have been something more than the sensei-student relationship that they had because they must have been long past that already. It was then that Naome realized she knew nothing about Kakashi's feelings or his past. Every step she took closer to the man, she felt like she was also being pushed away.

All of her thoughts gave her a headache. She closed her eyes, willing the pain to go away. Her thoughts continued running in her head and she'd wished for once, she didn't have to think about it. Relationships are such a drag. She found herself thinking like Shikamaru and let out a small chuckle. Man did she miss the lazy genius, the real one that is.

Eventually, her headache took over and she fell asleep on her bed.

That night, Naome had a dream. She was running through the darkness of the forest. It was a bitter cold night and there she was, alone. She was dashing through, not knowing for sure if it was because she was running to something, or away. Yet her legs kept pushing her forward, her heart pounding insistently in her chest. Naome reached a small gap in the trees.

Feeling a presence behind her, she snapped her head around but found nothing but absolute darkness. Weary, she turned back to the front and froze at the sight in front of her. She let out a strangled scream. Her shaky legs collapsed under her as she witnessed both Shikamaru and Kakashi hanging from the trees, long swords stabbed through their chests, pinning their blood stained bodies to the trunks.

Naome's scream echoed throughout the house as she shot up in her bed. Her clothes had been soaked through in sweat, and tears were running down her cheeks. She raised her hand to wipe it off but she realized both her hands were shaking with violent tremors. It had been a while since Naome had a bad enough nightmare to wake her from it in the middle of the night.

She curled into a ball under her blanket. She was hurting as the image continued replaying in her mind, almost as if she was trapped inside a genjutsu that she couldn't break out of. Her tears soaked her blanket as she buried her head and cried, her body shaking in an uncontrollable manner. Tears began falling for another reason when she looked around the room and realized she was alone. Shikamaru wasn't coming to comfort her this time.

She continued to weep in self-pity. Oh what she would do to have her old life back. To have her Shikamaru back. She didn't know how long it had been but there was suddenly a warmth beside her. The bed dipped with a weight next to her body, and she was enveloped in comforting arms. Her head was guided to the side, into a familiar strong chest as she wept.

"Shh..."

Collapsing fully into the warm arms, she grasped desperately onto the male's shirt. "I thought you weren't going to come for me anymore."

Shikamaru kissed the top of her head, his own heart shattering at the sight of her distraught expression.

"I know. I'm sorry."

Shikamaru continued holding her until she fell asleep in his arms. Only when he had lowered her down in bed and laid next to her, did he realize how much he had missed this, and how badly he had acted throughout the past two weeks.

He broke down as he looked at how vulnerable Naome was next to him, and he remembered all the things he had said to her. Despite everything that he said and did, he loved her, he still did. He knew where Naome had gone the night before, it didn't take a genius like him to figure it out. It hurt him beyond belief, but it hurt him more that he was the one that drove her away. He still didn't like Kakashi, for no other reason than the fact that the two of them clearly had a connection, in ways that Naome and himself did not. But as he looked at her lying so peacefully next to him, he decided that he would fight for her, even if that meant it was with his sensei.

He sighed, as he stared up at the ceiling. Naome was right, he had handled Asuma's death really poorly, even after seeking revenge on those that had murdered him. Yet Asuma must have been raging in his grave, seeing the way that he treated Naome and his family. It was then that he made a promise to himself to treat her better because he just couldn't bear the idea of hurting her anymore.

He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead, grinning as she snuggled closer in automatic response.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I love you."