Kim had patiently waited for Shinn's return aboard the Minerva, but there was still no sign of him. She straightened her red military jacket and navy skirt before walking towards the Victoire, signaling to the head mechanic that she wished to board her Mobile suit. A look of panic sat on his face as he came running towards her, sweating.
'Do you honestly think I'll let you in that cockpit, Commander Desjardins? Perhaps you haven't noticed, but we have a stray pilot that illegally launched from my hangar! I can't let you in that cockpit even if you begged on your knees. I'm in enough trouble as it is, I don't need another teenager ruining my night!'
She sighed. 'I just wish to rest is all.' she replied. 'I don't plan on leaving this hangar until Shinn Asuka comes back so I can personally put him in custody. But I understand why you'd have concerns about me boarding the Victoire. Unlike my subordinate, I wait for orders before acting so you can relax, old man. So what's it gonna be? Can a girl get a little shut-eye, now?'
She then heard the older man groan as he shook his head, throwing in the towel. 'Fine. But if I see you igniting that machine, if you so much as to make the slightest change in the BIOS without my permission, if you lay one finger on that thrust lever, I'm pulling the plug on you and I'm calling the captain. I'm not gonna let another kid leave this ship unauthorized and desert right from under my nose. Have I made myself clear?'
She nodded with a sheepish smile, too tired to even reply. Kim stepped on the launching platform and was elevated to the cockpit of the Victoire before she jumped in the small, cramped space, sinking into her seat as she let out a long sigh, closing her eyes that itched with fatigue. She just hoped Shinn wouldn't take too long to come back as Minerva's situation was precarious. Kim was the only pilot with a working condition machine on board and if the Earth Alliance and Orb's forces were to attack, she would have to defend the ship on her own. And before long, Kim had fallen asleep, her head resting against the seat of the Victoire, her mind filled with uneasiness and dark clouds of dreams.
She was later abruptly awoken by the sound of the Minerva's large hatch opening, the Impulse now in plain sight as it was being stowed into its designated hangar stall, its cockpit slowly opening to reveal the silhouette of its pilot, Shinn Asuka. Before Shinn could even put a foot on the hard floor of the Minerva's hangar, Kim Desjardins had been waiting for him with her arms crossed, disappointment written all over her face. He couldn't meet her gaze when he finally faced her.
'Looks like our little renegade is back aboard.' she said to him, hearing the military police officers running towards them, armed with rifles. Shinn could tell by her tone of voice that she was anxious, he knew her well.
'I don't know why you did what you did and I am not looking for an explanation, but I can't lie to you in saying that what you have done was dumb and reckless. What were you thinking? You could have gotten yourself killed, Shinn! What would we do then? It's just the two of us now! Rey and Lunamaria are not fit for combat and Athrun's Saviour was destroyed! How could you leave us open like that? You left me all alone to defend our crew, Shinn!' she continued, the dark-haired Coordinator never meeting her eyes, his gaze fixed to the ground. She grabbed him by the collar, trying to force him to look at her. She needed to see somewhat of an apologetic expression on her face. But Shinn Asuka simply wouldn't look at her. He just took in her anger.
'What pushed you to free a dangerous prisoner and return her to our god damn enemies? Answer me!'
That's when Shinn's crimson eyes finally met her dark ones with conviction.
'Because someone much wiser than me told me that when you love someone more than yourself, you must be ready to do anything to protect them, even if it means facing the dire consequences of the actions you took to keep them safe.'
Kim's mouth closed, taking a step back. She couldn't believe it. It was her own words that drove him to bring the Extended girl she herself almost killed back to the Phantom Pain faction, back to an even more uncertain future. Kim was mesmerized by the look in his crimson orbs, a look a pure determination. There was no sign of remorse in his expression. She groaned and rolled her eyes, shaking her head.
'And you chose today of all days to actually listen to what I say. You're an idiot.'
This made him smile. A genuine smile she hadn't seen on his lips in a very long time. It took her off guard and for the first time since they've met, Kim smiled back at him. It was a warm smile that made Shinn's cheeks heat up. She should be angry with me, he thought. Usually, she would threaten me or hit me. Why is she not angry at me? He's never seen her like this. This dark-eyed, hot-blooded Commander that always seemed to find something to be angry at him gave him the warmest, friendliest smile he'd ever seen and it made Shinn Asuka sigh in relief.
Kim couldn't resign herself to be aggravated with the young pilot of the Impulse.
She couldn't find it in her to remain upset with him because she would have done the same if she had been in his situation. She then realized that ultimately, she and Shinn were more alike than she initially thought. He placed a hand on her shoulder and his lips twisted in one of his signature smirks.
'Did you spend the night here waiting for me? You shouldn't have Commander, you look exhausted.'
She frowned. 'I-'
But before she could address him again, the military police officers of the Minerva grabbed Shinn, put handcuffs on him, and harshly shoved him away from the Impulse, the young pilot not resisting. Kim couldn't help him now and looked at him as the officer fastened the cuffs around his writs. The mechanic crew looked at the scene, shocked and helpless as one of the best pilots of ZAFT was being detained before their very eyes. Shinn was now out of Kim's reach and even the FAITH emblem she wore on her chest couldn't change the fact that Shinn Asuka committed the irreparable and that she was unable to lift his punishment.
'Shinn Asuka, you are under arrest for violating the military laws including Article 3, section G. You will follow us to see Captain Gladys immediately. And don't you dare put up a fight.'
Shinn remained silent as he was dragged by the green uniform officers. That's when Kim felt partially responsible for what had transpired that night, being the instigator to Shinn's sudden bravado, her words becoming his motivation to do what he had done. Guilt plagued her. She quickly ran to the chief officer and stepped in front of him, taking him by surprise.
'You do not have jurisdiction over this matter, Commander Desjardins. Step aside.'
'Please.' she asked. 'I know I don't have the authority to lift the criminal charges he's facing, but may I take him to the Captain's office myself? He is my subordinate, after all. There is no article in the law that prevents a commanding officer to accompany his or her subordinate, in such circumstances.'
He nodded. 'Very well. Release him and hand him to her.' he said to the other officer, Shinn immediately pushed towards her. Instinctively, Kim grabbed Shinn by the arm, pulling her closer to her and both pilots quickly walked over to the elevator that leads to the commanding deck. As the doors closed behind them, Shinn chuckled.
'What was that all about?' he asked. 'I'm confused, now. Why do you care what happens to me? Why are you acting so out of character, Commander?'
Kim closed her eyes, visibly upset. The guilt that clouded her thoughts and mind urged her to the right thing.
'What I said to you earlier today on the main deck… I should not have said all those terrible things to you. I'm sorry, Shinn. I did not mean to belittle you or your feelings in that way. I still can't forgive you for what you said about Athrun and I probably never will, that won't change. But I should not have taken my pent up anger out on you, it wasn't fair to you.' she said, Shinn listened attentively, in shock as the elevator slowly took them to the Miverva's higher decks. 'I have my own shortcomings when it comes to anger. Sometimes, it consumes me and I say things I end up regretting and hating myself for it. And for that, I can't apologize enough. It's not always your fault, Shinn.'
The silence between the two pilots felt heavy for a moment. Only the soft clink of the handcuffs around Shinn's wrists echoed in the small compartment. Kim realized what she had just said and looked at the ground, now it was her turn to be unable to look at him for fear he'd see the growing shame in her eyes. And then, she heard his voice, soft and deep.
'I'm not angry that you said what you said. The words you spoke made me realize important things, Commander. Things I didn't fully understand before. You made me realize that even after all that happened to me, after all the sadness and suffering… I'm still able to care.'
Kim sighed, giving him a look. 'So, you really care for that girl?' she asked. He nodded.
'Yes. I don't know why but she's important, she's-' His voice cracked. 'She's as much a victim of this war as you and I are. It doesn't mean that because she's made differently that she's not entitled to compassion and safety.' Kim felt the tears forming in the corner of her eyes, the painful secret of her true nature that she kept hidden deep within her for so long longing to be set free.
At that moment, she wanted to tell this boy her secret, this boy that irritated her on a daily basis, that disobeyed her orders constantly and that took pleasure in getting under her skin. Kim wanted him to know her truth, to understand and not judge her for what she was just like he did to that girl. She smiled at the realization that she was finally ready to let someone else other than her family or close friends finally know the truth about her. The compassion he showed to that sick Extended pilot… made her want to trust him, a boy she thought she could never put her trust in.
'Are you alright, Commander?' he asked. 'You seem upset.'
She swallowed nervously. 'Do you remember the conversation we had before when- when I told you that there were things I was ready to share with you because it wouldn't hurt you and some that I could never tell you because it would change the way you see me? Well… I think that- no, nevermind. I'm being ridiculous. Forget I said anything.' she said, stopping herself.
But Shinn's curious eyes locked onto her as he turned his body to face her.
'What is it that you want to tell me? You can trust me. I promise.' he said, his handcuffed hands reaching for hers. Kim's instincts kicked in and she momentarily panicked, taking a step back from him, anxious.
'No, it's ok. You have enough on your plate as it is. Don't forget that you're being arrested, Shinn. And you'll need a clear head to deal with Captain Gladys. She is apparently not in a good mood.' she said as the elevator doors opened before them, Kim leading Shinn down a long white hall, finally stopping before Talia Gladys's office, Athrun and Lunamaria already waiting for them at the door. Lunamaria had finally been discharged by the medical staff, her injuries minor, and her condition stable enough to wander the ship on her. The Minerva's last battle had left her with a broken arm and a few cuts here and there, but that didn't stop her from running towards Shinn Asuka, visibly worried.
'Shinn! What the hell happened?' she exclaimed, only to be greeted with a long silence from Shinn.
Kim pressed on the P.A. system of the Captain's office, her voice echoing in the long hall.
'Captain Gladys, this is Kim Desjardins. I've brought you Shinn Asuka for interrogation.' she said, the door of Talia Gladys's office opening. 'Go on, Shinn.' Kim said to him. 'She's waiting for you. Try to not aggravate the situation and please, do yourself a favor and don't talk back.'
As soon as Kim let go of his arm, Shinn went in and the doors closed behind him.
With that, Kim, Athrun, and Lunamaria were left to themselves in the middle of the night, tired and still agitated by the night's events.
'I can't believe he's done this.' said Athrun, his arms crossed. 'He's so irresponsible! We're in a whole new mess now because of him.' he continued, looking at Kim, who sighed heavily. 'You know what that means, right? They arrested Shinn. They arrested Rey for his involvement in this incident. Lunamaria's injured.' he said, looking at the fuschia-haired young woman that stood next to him. 'And with this ship's remaining Zaku warriors in repairs, we don't have enough machines for me to pilot…Well, at least the best of us still able to fight.''
Kim looked at him, her dark eyes meeting his emerald ones. 'I'm the only pilot left that can fight aboard the Minerva. I know.' Athrun could sense the heavy pressure that Kim felt on her shoulder and smiled. Kim glanced at Lunamaria but found the young injured pilot looking at her with... a look that made Kim uneasy, for some reason. A look filled with judgment. But as soon as Lunamaria noticed that she's been staring at Kim, she quickly shook her head, smiling.
Lunamaria chimed in uncomfortably, trying to encourage her.
'If Orb's forces are stupid enough to come after Kim, we're not the ones that are going to be in trouble.' she said, Kim now growing suspicious of the indigo-eyed Coordinator, her offput behavior making the black-haired ace pilot nervous. Kim convinced herself that Lunamaria must've just been tired, just like her, and pushed the suspicions she was feeling at the back of her mind, making nothing of it for the moment.
'You guys have more faith in me than I do myself. I appreciate that. I better get some rest, then. Goodnight to the both of you.' said Kim, heading back to her quarters.
Undressing, she glanced at her working desk and spotted the half-assembled pink cellular phone that belonged to Shinn, its pink body catching Kim's attention. Kim smiled as she looked at it, reminded by Shinn's act of kindness that brought him so much trouble. Kim Desjardins felt remorse thinking about that Extended pilot and the way she treated the sick girl, going so far as to want to end the Extended's life herself, putting a blade to her neck and ready to avenge her fallen comrade until Shinn Asuka stopped her.
Tears rolled down the half-Coordinator's cheeks, shame, and guilt haunting her.
She knew that killing that Phantom Pain pilot would not have brought Heine back. It wouldn't fix her damaged relationship with her brother and sister and it wouldn't get rid of the pain of losing everything she had worked so hard for since the end of the previous war. It wouldn't bring the Yzak Joule back to her. Killing that pilot would only cause her to hate herself even more than she already did. It would only bring more regrets and self-reproach.
It would only bring more pain to her and her comrade in arms.
She had wanted to kill that girl named Stella because she was different, because she was fighting this senseless war on the other side, her enemies' side. That young woman… Shinn saw something in her that made him want to protect her. Kim Desjardins couldn't help but remind herself that once, she too had been in the Phantom Pain's pilot's place, being different in the eyes of all and fighting in a senseless war without a clear purpose, unknowing and blinded by rage and confusion.
Once, Kim Desjardins had been like her.
And maybe that's what frightened her. To see herself in the human mirror that was Stella, that blond-haired stranger. Maybe what scared her about this strange young woman is that Kim was scared to go back to being just like her.
Kim wiped the warm flow of tears that ran down her face, still gazing at the pink cellphone that lay dismantled on her desk, tiny parts of electronic hardware scattered across its white surface.
'Fuck.' she said to herself, sitting down at her desk and reaching for her tools. 'I must be going crazy.'
This would be a long night.
It seemed like an eternity when Kim finally finished assembling the small cellular device and she smiled when the small display screen finally turned on, the last hours of work finally paying off. She took a quick nap, showered, dressed, and headed toward the outer deck, where she heard from the passing crew down the hall that it was heavily snowing outside. Kim hadn't seen snow in a very long time and always was eager to feel the tiny flakes of cold white snow on her skin. Dawn arrived quickly and she quickly made her way to the outside deck, where she stepped outside, feeling the European winter's cold wind on her skin.
It brought her deep into her earliest memories of her childhood when she used to play in thick heavy snow with her family during the holiday vacations. It was cold outside but she welcomed it, her cheeks growing pink.
'I can't believe you actually like this kind of weather.' she heard a voice call out to her. She turned around and found Athrun walking towards her. 'I hope you rested, Kim. You still look half dead.'
Kim chuckled. 'I slept a little, but I just couldn't miss this snowstorm for anything in the world.'
He raised a curious eyebrow. 'You don't seem like the kind of person that would enjoy cold weather. I most certainly do not.' he said jokingly. He stood by her as the winter winds caressed their faces and hair, Kim giving him a look.
'There is no snow in the PLANTs where you grew up, am I right?'
He shook his head. 'No, there is not. I don't think I could ever get used to it. How about you? Why do you enjoy this devil's storm so much?'
Kim laughed. 'Because it reminds me of a time when this war didn't exist... Before I was taken and learned how to fight. There was snow around me, even in my earliest memories. How I wish I could go back for just one day without knowledge of all of this… and what would end up happening to us in this ugly, war-torn world.'
She felt Athrun reach for her waist and pull her in a warm embrace. 'One day, you'll be able to enjoy snowstorms just like you did when you were young. I promise you that, Kim. I will fight for you to enjoy the things you loved before war stole your life away.'
Kim pulled him closer to her, her head resting on his chest. 'I am lucky to have you around, Athrun. I promise we'll find the answers to happiness together.'
Athrun shivered. 'I really enjoy our bonding talks and all, but can we go back in now? It's freezing out here.'
Kim laughed against his chest. 'Don't be weak, Athrun Zala. It's just frozen water and wind. It won't kill you.'
But when she heard his teeth chattering, she decided to follow Athrun inside only to ask him if Shinn was detained in his room. A grim expression decorated the blue-haired Coordinator ace, his emerald eyes looking at the ground.
'No.' replied Athrun. 'He's in a cell back in the brig. And he's not allowed any visitation from anyone on this ship. Captain Gladys's orders.'
Kim chuckled, pointing at the FAITH emblem pinned on her chest. 'I'm not just anyone, Athrun Zala. I'm Commander Kim Desjardins of ZAFT, pilot of the Victoire and a member of FAITH, just like her. And if I want to pay my subordinate a visit, then visit him I will. And I dare the military police to try and stop me from seeing him.'
As she left, Athrun stood jolted, wondering exactly how and when Kim Desjardins came to want to see and speak to Shinn Asuka on her own volition. By the resolute expression on her pale face, he concluded that she had unfinished business with the crimson-eyed Coordinator pilot, business she probably wished remained between Shinn and herself. Athrun shrugged it off and headed to the mess hall to have a well-deserved meal and maybe, just maybe, a little peace of mind.
When Kim reached the lower deck where the brig cells were located, she was greeted by two military police officers, who had recognized her from their previous encounter earlier, down in the hangar. 'Commander Desjardins, you can be here.' the first one said.
'We have strict orders from your Captain that the detained pilot Shinn Asuka must remain in solitary. You must go back to the main deck and ask the Captain for visitation time if you want to see him.'
Kim chuckled, putting a hand on her gun holster. 'Oh, make no mistake. I'm not going back up there.' she stated. 'And you will let me through and open the cell unit doors for me. That is an order.'
The first officer also placed a hand on his semi-automatic weapon, wary of the red coat Commander that stood firmly before him, her dark eyes glimmering with the kind of determination that her rank solidified. 'You don't get to give me orders, pilot. I answer to Captain Gladys, not you. Now fuck off before things get serious. This is your last warning, Commander.'
Kim laughed, her voice echoing throughout the area. 'Captain Gladys may have the commanding rank on this ship, but I am her equal in the sight of military laws.' she said, pointing at the FAITH pink on her red jacket, proof of her not only being an elite pilot and ace but also one of the highest-ranking military officers in ZAFT. 'I'm sure you've noticed that Talia Gladys wears the same emblem. Chairman Durandal himself appointed both of us as FAITH members on the same day and gave us the same orders, orders we share and swore to uphold to the best of our capacities. And one of those orders was to ensure that all of the Minerva's military personnel received appropriate discipline from their acting commander, meaning the responsibility to maintain the preservation of good order and discipline on this ship falls upon me as well. Big words to say that I have jurisdiction over Shinn Asuka's discipline as my subordinate aboard the Minerva and on my commando team. And as far as I'm concerned, officers, the only reason why you two are here is that you didn't make the cut to be in the elite forces so don't embarrass yourselves any further and let me in.'
The feral look in Kim Desjardins' eyes made them nervous. They looked at each other and sighed.
'Make it fast, then.' said the first officer, punching in the pin code and unlocked the cell door.
As Kim entered the dark room, she turned around to the second officer, who still had a strong hand on his weapon. Kim gave him a glare. 'Remove your hand from your weapon, officer. Unless you want us to have a little intimate gunslinger scrap in the middle of the brig. And just as a friendly reminder…' she said, her voice now in a low, menacing whisper. 'The Chairman's orders did not include me ensuring your safety. So you better think twice about pointing that weapon in my direction or we'll see who is the better marksman here. I won't ask a second time.'
Before the green uniform officer could even move, Kim Desjardins swiftly pressed the door mechanism activation on the wall, closing it shut and leaving her in a dark room with four cells, three of them unoccupied. In the penumbra of the closed and windowless room, she saw the silhouette of Shinn Asuka as he looked her way, surprised to see her.
'Commander, is that you?' he asked, getting up from his bunk. 'What are you doing here?'
Kim walked to his cell, her heart still beating fast from her small altercation outside of his cell room. 'I had to see you. I didn't have a chance after you spoke to the Captain.' she said. 'How are you?'
'Oh, I'm fantastic.' he replied, sarcasm coating his words.
'Have they fed you, at least?' she asked. He nodded. In the darkness, she saw an amused look on his face.
'Were you worried about me, Commander? Is that why you came?'
Kim blushed, shaking her head. 'No.' she tried but didn't sound convincing enough to make the young pilot behind bars stop smiling. 'Don't be ridiculous, Shinn.'
'Well, it sounds like you were. Why would you have come all the way down here and get past the military officers guarding my cell if you didn't care just a little bit for my well being?' he asked. 'Speaking of which, how did you even manage to get past them? No one but the Captain is allowed down here.'
He saw Kim's pearly white teeth flash in the dark, her smirk evident. 'Do you know who I am?' she replied with a hint of playfulness in her words.
He chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. 'You bullshitted your way in here, didn't you?'
Kim sighed, her masquerade not fooling the young pilot. 'Yes. They just don't know about that yet.' she replied, sitting on the ground next to the jail bars that separated her from Shinn Asuka, her back resting against the cold metal. He found his way next to her but remained quiet. Kim Desjardins finally broke the silence that lingered between them.
'Listen, Shinn, I-'
'You didn't want to speak about what was on your mind earlier because it was a bad time.' he said, the darkness in the room hiding the nervousness in Kim's eyes. 'But now that we're both here with no one looking for us, now's the perfect time.'
'Shinn, it's just that- are you sure?' she said, looking away. 'I don't usually tell people about myself. I'm not used to this. I don't trust many people, as you can already tell. And I know we're not friends, but what you did today- there is a part of me that still can't accept the fact that you saved the life of our comrade's murderer but…' his voice grew faint. 'There's also a part of me that understands why you did it. And that small part of me tells me that I should trust you, Shinn. Fuck, I'd never thought I'd say this.' she said, a burst of small laughter escaping her lips at the realization that she was willing to trust Shinn Asuka. 'You must think I'm crazy.'
The low reverberating sound of his chuckle filled the dark room. 'With all due respect Commander, I've known you were crazy the minute you first pointed your gun at me. That ship has already sailed.'
Kim turned around, her eyes narrowing. 'You're lucky there are jail bars in between us.'
'Well then it's a good thing I'm in here and you're out there, isn't it?' he jested. 'I'd probably be reeling from a kick in the gut right about now.' he continued. 'So, Commander Kim Desjardins. Now that we've clearly established that you care about me even if it's just a little, can I safely assume that we can be friends?'
Kim took a deep breath and closed her eyes. 'Friends, uh? Well, we can try, I guess. We're the kind of people that don't make friends easily, Shinn. I hope you don't have high expectations of what our 'friendship' should be like. The concept of friendship can hurt, especially for soldiers like us.'
'What do you mean?' he asked.
'We have to be careful who we grow attached to in our profession, Shinn.' she replied. 'Soldiers die. Friends die. And that hurts more than any other kind of loss we will experience in our lifetime.'
Shinn looked at her for a moment, analyzing the soft features of her face in the dark. He was curious about her, this mysterious pilot who never let anyone in but Athrun Zala, this girl that closed everyone off from her feelings. 'You never talked about how you came to be a soldier, Commander.'
Kim sighed, her nervousness accentuated by the terrible memories of her childhood. 'My parents were killed before my very eyes by ZAFT soldiers when I was just a kid, Shinn. I was found by a pilot named Charles Duflamme. He was a Commander in a special faction of the Earth Forces called Division that was funded by LOGOS. I was enrolled in that same faction and fought for them until three years ago. They are not happy memories.' she said, Shinn quietly taking in the information, shocked but refusing to let her see his dismay.
'I told you, Shinn. I don't know if you want to hear about this-'
'You were just a child.' he said, astonished. 'You were enrolled in a mercenary terrorist group and you were just a child.' he said, unable to believe his own words. 'Those bastards…'
Kim remained quiet. 'Why did you stay with them?' he continued. 'Why did you stay with these people who hurt you?'
Kim Desjardins thought for a moment before she replied to him, a smile appearing on her face at the memory of the rowdy Mobile suit pilot that she could truly call her first friend.
'I had made a friend in the Division. His name was Seth Yoshiro. He was loud, obnoxious, and good-hearted. A talented pilot. A dependable comrade and sometimes, he was of good company.' she said, memories of the blue-eyed Natural pilot of her past. 'He had been the only person up until that point in my life that treated me like a human being. He took care of me when no one else did.'
Shinn huffed. 'He loved you.'
Kim's heart sunk. 'Yes.'
'And did you love him back?'
Kim's face turned into a sad frown. 'No.' she replied. 'I was already in love with someone else when he confessed to me.' she replied. 'And then he was killed, Shinn. There's not a day that passes by that I don't think of him.' Her somber tone grew warmer. 'That fucking idiot always found a way to get into trouble. He reminds me of you on your good days, now that I think about it.' she said, giggling.
Her laugh filled the dark room with sunshine. Shinn had never heard her laugh like this. He needed to know more.
'Glad you think I'm stupid.' replied Shinn, amused. 'And what about that other person you fell for? What was his name?'
Kim's heart suddenly stopped. Just the thought of his silver hair and his sapphire-colored irises…
'It's him, isn't it? That no-good bastard that broke your heart?'
Kim brought her knees to her chin, slowly sinking deeper into sadness. 'Yes. Please ask about something else. Anything else but this.' she demanded, unwilling to shed one more tear for the estranged silver-haired ZAFT Commander. Shinn wanted nothing more at that moment that to break out of his jail cell and flew the Impulse to the PLANTs and find that dishonest snake to give him a piece of his mind.
But when he felt Kim's sadness, he opted to ask a question that would possibly make him uncomfortable instead.
'Why did you not tell me from the start that Cagalli Yula Atha is your sister?'
Kim turned around, her dark eyes looking for his crimson ones. 'Shinn, I couldn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you. I know how you feel about Orb and I-'
'Wait, this doesn't make any sense.' he realized. 'She can't be your biological sister! She's a Natural and you're a Coordinator! How is this even possible?' Kim grew nervous, her hands now shaking. She promised him the truth, but if she told him everything, she'd not only compromise herself but Cagalli and Kira as well.
'My father was a Coordinator. My mother was a Natural. We're twins. She was indeed born a Natural like my mother and I took after our father. A genetic anomaly.' Kim inhaled deeply, trying to find the courage to tell him the other part of the story she kept for herself for so long. 'I just lied.' she confessed, Shinn slightly taken aback. 'My parents didn't have twins, they had triplets. Cagalli, myself, and my brother. A Coordinator brother.'
Shinn soft gasp filled the room. 'You have a brother? But you never even mentioned him! Who is he?' he asked.
Kim's heart stopped. She wasn't ready to tell him that. She didn't know if she'd ever be ready to tell him that her biological brother is Kira Yamato, pilot of the Freedom. Flashes of her last battle with Kira left her feeling angry and with a bitter taste in her mouth, his words reviving a flame of anger that she could barely contain inside of her.
'We're not on speaking terms.' Kim replied. 'I don't know where he is.'
Shinn sighed. 'I-' he started, his voice cracking. 'I also had a sibling.' he managed to say. 'Her name was Maiyu. She had just turned twelve years old when the Freedom, the Justice, and the Vengeance killed my family at Onogoro-'
Shinn Asuka realized what he had just said when he heard Kim Desjardins' quiet sobs. The sound that escaped her lips made his own eyes water. Every day he was haunted by the memory of his family lying on the bloody ground, decapitated and mangled, the Freedom and the Vengeance flying over their bodies high in the sky as the battle for Onogoro raged on. He remembered the twisted expression of pain and sadness on Kim Desjardin's face when she told him that she was the pilot of the Vengeance, falling to her knees and apologizing for the pain she had caused him.
Here they were, war orphans that hurt the other without even realizing it until it was too late because of this senseless war.
Their truths were predestined to be on this bloody collision course, whether they had wanted it or not.
The silence between the two ace pilots was heavy, Shinn found himself unable to find a way to reconnect with Kim as she sat on the ground next to him, silently sobbing for the wrong she had done to him. His own sadness stopped him for reaching out to grab her hand, tears forming in his eyes in the darkness of his jail cell. He glanced at her as she slowly reached inside of her uniform pocket and took a small object out and held it tightly in her shaking hand, never turning her body to face his as she slid across the metal bars that separated them, Shinn's eyes growing wider as he reached for the small, pink rectangular object she gave him.
His lips parted in complete shock, salty tears running down his cheeks.
Maiyu's cell phone.
'I-I thought I had lost it. How did you-' he noticed that the small phone had been repaired, its display screen lighting up faintly, the phone fully functional.
Even the vocal messages had been spared from destruction. His heart raced in his chest, warm tears falling from his face.
He thought he had ruined it by throwing it against the wall with all of his strength. Why was is still working-
'You fixed it?' he asked.
Kim nodded silently, her sobs making her choke on her words. 'I'm so sorry Shinn, I- I know it won't bring them back, but- but if I could just fix it so your-your last memory of them wouldn't be tainted by the memory of-of me doing those horrible things-'
Kim's words were cut off when she felt Shinn's arms reach for her, his hands wrapping around her waist from his cell, embracing her as he pulled her closer to him, her back firmly pressed on the cold prison cell bars, Shinn's breathing against the skin of her neck. His arms were entangled around her waist, his hands finding her in a compassionate trail of touches. Kim's eyes closed again, finally letting herself be completely vulnerable before him and she reached for his hands, their fingers interlaced.
'For so long I hated you without knowing you…' he said, his voice turned to whispers in her ears as he held her close from the other side of the jail cell bars. 'And now that I know you… I can't find myself to hate you.'
Kim turned around sharply, her hands reaching for his collar, the cold metal bars restricting her movements. 'Don't fucking do this to me, Shinn. Hate me. I give you permission to hate me. I command you. Please. It's so much simpler that way. I took everything from you. I deserve it.' she sobbed, her small hands balling against the fabric of his red uniform, his teary crimson eyes meeting hers.
'I will never forgive you for what you've done-'
'I can't even forgive myself!' she wept. 'I don't expect kindness from you, Shinn-'
'But I know now that you're not evil. You're not the murderous monster I've always envisioned you'd be. But now I know… you're just like me. Like the rest of us.'
Kim gasped when he grabbed her hand and pressed his lips on its open palm, the sensation of his kiss causing a tumultuous amount of confusing thoughts to rage in her mind. She momentarily lost herself in this new sensation, closing her eyes.
'Shinn, what are you doing?' she managed to say.
Shinn traced his lips from her palm up to the extremities of her fingertips, never breaking contact. When he let her hand go, Kim fell backward, speechless and stunned just like that day he had kissed her without warning.
'Will you let me protect you too?'
Kim's expression softened at the sight of his dark crimson irises gleaming in the dark with a light she was unfamiliar with.
Before she could mouth another word, the door of the brig's jail cell opened and revealed the tall silhouette of Athrun Zala, his emerald eyes scanning the dark room to find Kim Desjardins and Shinn Asuka in a rather intimate position, his hands holding hers in a way that made him raise an eyebrow inquisitively.
'What the hell is happening here?' he asked. Kim quickly snapped her hand back, rising to her feet and straightening her uniform. 'I stumbled.' she said. 'What are you doing here?'
Athrun frowned severely. 'I was looking for you, what do you think! Come on, we need to report to the bridge, Captain's orders. The Voltaire and the Rousseau have finally caught up with us. They're here for the personnel transfer. They'll be here within the next hour. He's coming, Kim.'