Fifteen years versus two months. Arthur was to pick between the two.
Mon cheri, are you free tomorrow night?
Arthur stared hard at the message, flabbergasted. The blinding light from his smartphone no longer irritated his eyes, in fact, his bright emeralds were as wide as quarters.
One year.
It's been one year and that's all he had to say?
Arthur's hands trembled under the device as the whirlwind of emotions flurried inside of him. Shock. Anger. Pain. It was all over the place. Completely out of control. A pathetic sob escaped his lips, and he gasped - only now did he realize he was crying.
He pressed a finger over his wet cheek, confirming that yes, there were tears.
And that scared him.
Repressing his sobs, Arthur blinked and wiped away the shameful tears on his eyes. He checked his phone again, reading over the recent message, and the message before that.
He released another sob, a little louder than the last. From where he sat on the bed, he turned to look over his shoulder to check if the sound woke the man sleeping beside him.
Why? Out of all the days, weeks, and months.
Why only now did Francis send a message?
Why only now when Arthur literally had another man sprawled on his bed?
Arthur bit his lip and turned back to his phone, his mind recalling the events that transpired within the last year. He and Francis decided to go on a break, as they usually do. It wasn't something unusual or out of the blue. Couples had breaks all the time. And with Arthur's relationship with Francis, five or so years, they always got back together in a month or so.
But that month turned into two. And then to three. And then four. And then all of a sudden, it jumped to six solid months of no contact from Francis.
Arthur let it go at that time. They had their own lives to play out. With Arthur running his café, and Francis literally running around every state of America and hopping between the country and France - long distance was nothing for them.
But this time, it was different. Arthur and Francis have never been separated for this long. He didn't want to admit it, but Francis' absence truly bothered him for months. And the fact that Francis never bothered to send him a simple text or call didn't help Arthur's sanity.
It made Arthur question their relationship. Is it even still a relationship? Were they still together? Is Francis going to return to him? Arthur's insecurities were eating him up, piece by piece. They toyed with his heart and emotions. They made him question if he was good enough, if he was perfect enough for a man like Francis.
Arthur thought these dark thoughts would never resurface again. They would always shrink and hide away, back to their confinement, once Francis returns; like a monster escaping back to the closet once they see the light. But they would always come back when Francis is gone.
It wasn't healthy. Arthur knew that. He depended on Francis too much. But he loved him regardless. Arthur ignored the evident, hurtful flaws of their relationship. Arthur always forgave Francis for every mistake, even though the latter held full responsibility and never deserved any apologies. Arthur did all of that to keep Francis close to him - but why does Francis always find ways to distance him from Arthur?
Arthur never understood and that made him depressed, lost, and helpless. He was in a dark and lonely place at that time. He questioned their relationship, he questioned himself, he questioned everything. But he never found answers.
Arthur was kept inside a lonely bubble for almost a year.
Until Alfred showed up that is.
The young man was a studious college sophomore that happened to stumble upon Arthur's café one day. Alfred came in, his bright smile and sole presence delivering warmth and joy inside the quiet, little restaurant. It was never a hustle in Arthur's café, because he didn't receive many customers despite his perfect location near the university. Maybe it was because of the café right across from him. They were an attraction to the students. Arthur never sees regulars; they would only order once in his café and never come back for some reason.
So when Arthur saw Alfred return the second time, the Englishman was confused. And when Alfred came in again, it made Arthur even more confused. Soon enough, Alfred had constantly visited the café every week, coming in on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays, always at the same time as other weeks - probably due to his class schedule.
Alfred would always order the same thing: a simple, medium coffee with extra (extra) sugar, and on some days, scones and strawberry jam. He'd sit on the table near the counter, and he'd always spark a conversation with Arthur. They would talk about anything, and Arthur would try and make it obvious that he didn't want to talk, because the young man probably had a lot of work to do and he was procrastinating by having chats with the café barista. Whenever their conversations dropped, Alfred would start a new topic and he would talk and talk for minutes.
Arthur didn't mind actually. It was nice to have someone to talk to, and it made his café at least a little bit active. Everyday seemed so mundane until Alfred became Arthur's regular.
There wasn't anything special about Alfred, he was just a very chatty customer. Until one day, he walked up to the counter, determination and confidence painted on his face; then instead of ordering his usual, Alfred had taken a deep breath, and asked Arthur if he wanted to go out and get coffee.
And then Alfred blushed, his next words coming out in stutters. The young man was a blushing mess as he tripped on his own words, trying to come up with coherent sentences, something like wait, no- maybe not coffee, shit, uhm… because you own a coffee shop already. Oh, uh, what about- maybe… I mean, we can do coffee but not here- wait, that sounded rude… fuck, I don't know what I'm saying.
Arthur could only stare back in utter confusion, but in closer inspection, seeing Alfred's flustered demeanor, his awkward smile, his hopeful and determined blue eyes - Arthur realized he was being asked on a date.
What about the movies? You wanna go see a movie together?
Arthur had been so astounded he could do nothing but stand there, staring at him quietly. When Alfred noticed his silence, he had taken it as rejection, thus making him frown, his once bright eyes drooping as he looked down, dejected. Alfred was about to turn around until Arthur stopped him, and without a second thought, Arthur accepted.
For a while, Arthur had a pit on his stomach. Was it right for him to see another person whilst he was still with Francis? Were they still in a relationship? It's been almost ten months and they haven't talked.
Nevertheless, Arthur found himself thinking less of Francis at that time. Alfred had kept him distracted, as though his presence chased away any lingering thoughts of Francis and the dark thoughts that followed. In a way, Arthur felt himself at peace and… free. As if the heavy weight on his shoulder was dissipating gradually.
Alfred invited him to more dates. There was one night where they went to a roller skating rink, and Arthur had no idea why he agreed to it because he's never skated before. Alfred, on the other hand, was trying to impress Arthur, but it turns out he didn't know how to skate either. The fact that both of them didn't know how to skate never bothered them at all because it made them hold onto each other's arms, their bodies close as they navigated, rather clumsily, around the skating rink together. If they fell, they'd laugh it off and pick themselves back up (and fall again).
That night had been one of the most memorable moments in Arthur's life, and from time to time, when he was all alone in his apartment, he'd always look back at the moment and smile. Every night, before he went to sleep, Arthur would recall his moments with Alfred and think about seeing him again tomorrow.
It didn't take long for Arthur to realize he fell in love. Any thought of Francis was pushed at the back of his brain, because all Arthur ever thought about was Alfred. The young man had occupied his mind every single day.
Arthur found himself falling more in love with Alfred as each day passed. Alfred had even confessed that Alfred didn't like the taste of Arthur's coffee, but he kept coming to the café just to see him. It slightly made Arthur irritated, but it only made him love and adore Alfred even more.
For two months, Alfred and Arthur had a blossoming relationship. Today, they shared their first intimate moment with each other, a moment filled with love and passion that brought their bond closer together. They shared sweet confessions and kisses as they fell asleep in each other's arms, their hearts soaring and singing in harmony.
That is, until Arthur received a message from Francis. He carefully crawled out of Alfred's tight embrace to check who had messaged him, wondering why the hell would someone message him so late - but upon seeing the sender, Arthur's heart had dropped.
Along with the mixture of shock and pain, everything that Arthur has been repressing resurfaced all at once, creating an overwhelming whirlpool of emotions in his heart.
The tears that dripped down his eyes scared him. They were like a slap to his face.
If Arthur was feeling this way, does that mean he still has feelings for Francis? The pit on his stomach seemed to prove that. Were the tears also evidence? Was he crying out of joy? Pain? Anger?
Arthur didn't know.
A shuffle behind him caught Arthur's attention.
Alfred.
His sweet, naïve, and loving Alfred.
Arthur's heart ached, and for a second, he felt as though his heart was being ripped into two. Conflicting feelings battled inside of him, causing a heavy weight in his heart. It made him silently cry as he clutched a tight hand over his chest.
Arthur's known Francis for over fifteen years. They've been childhood friends, enemies, and lovers. They've seen each other during their worst and their best. Francis has been there for him, and Arthur as well.
Meanwhile, Arthur's only known Alfred for two months. That… was nothing compared to the decade and a half that he'd known Francis. And now that Arthur thought about it, he and Alfred haven't even made anything official yet.
Fifteen years versus two months.
Arthur was to pick between the two.
For a few seconds, Arthur was thinking about weighing the options, but he found that he didn't need to.
Because he already knew what he wanted.
Looking back at his phone, Arthur typed in response to Francis,
Yes, I am. I need to talk to you.
Arthur set his phone down, and at the same time, he heard Alfred stir.
"Mm… Artie?"
Arthur whirled around, his eyes, already adjusted to the darkness, could see Alfred's figure sitting up in a hunched position.
"Why are you awake?" Alfred yawned. He leaned forward, capturing Arthur in his arms before pulling him back to bed. "C'mere. I'm cold."
Arthur pulled the blankets over them. "Is that better?"
"Mhmm," Alfred drawled before pulling Arthur, their chests pressed together close. "Did I wake you or something? You do say I snore too loud."
Arthur laughed softly. "No, you didn't. It's fine, just go back to sleep."
Alfred was silent for a second, and Arthur thought he must have gone back to sleep, but Alfred brought up a hand to cup Arthur's cheek. "Are you alright?" He asked, concern laced in his voice. Alfred's hand stilled. His thumb brushed along the wet streak on his cheek. Alfred grew distressed. "Arthur? Are you hurt anywhere? Fuck, I'm sorry, I was too rough, wasn't I? I'm so sorry-"
Arthur silenced him. "I'm alright, Alfred, truly. I'm not hurt anywhere."
Alfred didn't seem convinced. "But-"
"Shh, I'm fine. There's nothing to worry about, love. I'll… I'll talk to you about it tomorrow morning, alright?" Arthur assured, pulling Alfred back down. The latter was tense. Sighing, Arthur leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss on Alfred's forehead. "Just go to sleep. Nothing's wrong, I promise."
Alfred nodded. "Okay, then." Once again, he encased Arthur into his arms, keeping him as close as possible.
Arthur smiled before closing his eyes to let sleep take over.
Arthur talked to Francis the next day.
And they ended their relationship, or whatever was still between them. For good.
Arthur realized he didn't want to go back into a relationship that was dictated by insecurities and doubt. Regardless of the years that he and Francis shared, Arthur knew he'd rather be in a relationship that's filled with simplicity and unconditional love.
Although he and Francis have known each other for fifteen years, it would never compare to the two months of happiness that Alfred gave to Arthur. Two months was enough to convince him that Alfred was the one. And he will always be. Alfred was the best thing that ever happened to him.
And as time passed by, with the months turning into years, Arthur can say, without a doubt, that he made the perfect choice.
