China. I've been excited about this, mainly because Jemma is half-Chinese herself (that's the reason her face is round – it's a facial feature seen in a lot of Chinese people). The Wiki says this episode is in Beijing. I've never been. Closest is Shanghai, which has a different dialect. But they probably both have bootleg DVDs, cheapo copies of designer (my cheongsam button kept undoing itself, and then the hem started coming off within a month). Chinese food...well, it's not as greasy as the food courts would have you believe. I didn't enjoy much, but that was because I was getting over a cold and food seems less appetizing around then – I could still tell it was good. Broth dumplings and exam results over breakfast (I passed everything except Probability that year - I know, I pass everything hard and fail the easiest exam – and since I had enough Math credits, I didn't need to retake the class) were enough to convince me that I needed to go back when I was well (and maybe when the denizens stop staring at me for being Western).

Thanks for reviewing, OmniUIShaggyOverexaggerated.

Despite wanting better company in First Class, Noah was not terrible company. Plus, we also got a giant wedding cake to enjoy and gourmet food as a reception. It was kind of hard to feel anything but happy once we had gourmet cheeseburgers, curly fries and chocolate brownies (in honour of having come from America).

"So, Noah," I said cautiously, "Now that we're alone, are you still standing by that warning you gave me before the merge?"

Noah paused, glancing around, and then said quietly "Kind of. I got the memo it's too late now, but considering you're still here, I'd just make sure you are completely on top in challenges and that no one has a chance to stab you in the back. That's what happened in Sweden – Owen never saw it coming. So watch yourself."

"Well, to be fair, I helped with that one." I admitted. "Nothing personal, but..."

"Just watch yourself." Noah repeated. "You're about the sanest girl on this plane right now. If you want any chance of winning, you'll take my advice."

While we were flying east over the Arctic Ocean, I managed to get a moment to talk to Lindsay in the cargo hold. Luckily, when I looked into Economy Class, she was still awake, so we had a good talk about our plan going forward. First, I had a question to ask.

"So, how was working with Alejandro in the last challenge?" I asked carefully.

"Oh, he was so nice!" Lindsay said enthusiastically. "Not that I didn't expect it, but still. Oh, and he talked about voting off Noah, I guess, but I figured we'd vote together and sending him home would've meant sending you home too-"

"And we had immunity." I added. "So if you had voted for us, it wouldn't count. The thing is, Linds – me and Alejandro are kind of...like, unofficially together. I don't know how long it will last, but we've kissed. It can wait until after the show, but I just wanted you to know-"

"Don't worry, I've got my Tyler at home." Lindsay said, nodding. "I'm not going to cheat on him. I'm lucky to have him. But I think you got lucky, too!" She paused and added, "I mean, it's not that you're not pretty and nice. But I still need to give you a makeover after the show, because you could look SO much prettier."
I gave a sigh. "Okay, we've been through that. Yes, but let's wait until after the show's over. What about the show for now? Stick together?"

"Oh, definitely. ' Lindsay nodded. "But...it kind of means different things. For Heather, I had to sacrifice myself to let her win, and for Beth, it just meant we worked together. What does it mean for us?"

"We have to decide together," I said carefully. 'But for me, I figured we vote together. And if we can help each other out without sacrificing our game, we will. Like, don't wait for me in a race, but like, if we all have to find something, we'll look for our own first, and if I finish first. I secure my placing and then come help you."

Lindsay nodded again. "Yeah, that's cool. I help if I can still win, and we vote together. And that's all?"
"Unless you want another condition." I said, praying she didn't.

"Well...during the game, I guess." Lindsay said slowly. Then she grinned. "But the Final Two will be different!"

"That's okay." I giggled. "I'll buy you something if I win, as long as you promise to buy me something if you win."

"I'll be checking your wardrobe and seeing what needs buying, whether you win or I win." Lindsay giggled too. "We're SO going shopping after we get home."

We eventually landed after flying over most of Asia, in a city with a sky with overhanging smog, and rather dark daylight from it (Okay, it was late afternoon and the challenge would go into the evening, but daylight savings had begun!)

"Nihao!" Chris greeted us as we stood on the Great Wall (Yup, you got it. Beijing, China).

"English, please, Chris?" I said with a jokey tone. "I know that I may look like I live here, but I don't."

Chris' little introductory talk about China was pretty flawed. First, he insisted the wall was built before human existence, in one of the dinosaur eras, and talked a bit about stuff like China being the home of delicious sauces, as if Japan wasn't on par (and he hadn't said anything about sauces when we went there).

"I hope we get to taste those sauces." I whispered to Lindsay.

"Only if they don't have any white sugar or fat in them." she whispered back.

Anyway, our first challenge was a race across the Wall. There were a bunch of transportation devices that we could take, including a bike, a tricycle, a pogo stick, a donkey, a skateboard, and some strange shoes. Just as Chris was saying "On your marks...get set..." his mobile started ringing (I later discovered his ringtone was the Total Drama theme song).

"So..can we go?" I asked.

"Yeah." Chris said into his phone.

"Yeah, we go?" Alejandro asked.

"Yeah, okay, can we do this later?"

"So we're going?" Lindsay asked blankly.

"Okay, fine!"

So we went, even though I think we all knew Chris wasn't talking to us. We heard him yelling after us "Hey, who said you could go? Well, be careful, there were a few things I was gonna warn you about..." His voice faded as we got further away.

"Stick close to me, Linds!" I said as we got close to the wheels. "We need to both get good things!"

As it was, we were lucky. Alejandro got to the top first, and headed towards the bike. As I caught up, he said "Jemma? Did you want this one?"

I shrugged. "It's okay, you got there first. I can take the skateboard."

"No, no, you take it." Alejandro said, throwing me one of his special smiles. "I'll ride the skateboard."

Well, who was I to argue? I wheeled the bike over to the tricycle, then waved Lindsay over. "Here, you get this before someone else does!"

She did. Noah was last to the top, by which point Sierra had grabbed the pogo stick for herself and the donkey for Cody, but I only caught sight of him over my shoulder as I rode off.

Alejandro was a total dynamo on the skateboard. I supposed I should have expected it – he was good at everything, after all, and maybe, just maybe, he'd gone for the bike just so I could have it, knowing he'd get the skateboard all along. Still, I wasn't too far behind, but I stuck close to Lindsay, because I knew by now that Chris might have stuck a few items in the way.
As it was, I was right to be cautious. We both managed to avoid a ditch, but then, as I was saying "I think we're safe-" My front wheel struck something, and suddenly, I was being hurled through the air, still on the bike.

I heard Lindsay call my name anxiously, but I couldn't see her.

"Keep going!" I screamed. "Don't stop for me!" I would have been yelling more than screaming, but I was just so terrified of getting hurt.

As it was, I landed okay, but I was last to the finish line. Chef was waiting for me. "You lost the challenge." he told me. "The others are in there for the second part." He jerked a thumb to a little building that looked like a restaurant.

"Nice of you to join us, Jemma." Chris said as I limped in. He pointed to a bench next to the one everyone else was on, while telling the other contestants about the eating contest they were competing in. They'd be served some authentic (and probably disgusting) Chinese food (and I was right – there were no soup dumplings, no fried rice, no sweet-and-sour pork). Each round, the players would eat their dish, and open their mouths to prove they'd swallowed. "If you're last, you go sit with Jemma on the loser bench."

"At least this loser isn't going to feel any need to barf!" I spoke up, giggling at the thought. That was one advantage to being on the chopping block.

Like last episode, I didn't even have to sing, either. Chris began the number as they began the challenge. "A little Chinese lesson for you!" he sang (Sierra had said he was in a boy band at some point, but it was pretty clear he wasn't the lead singer, that's how flat he sounded). "Manman chi means enjoy your meal!"

"Manman chi, it's no raw deal!" everyone else sang.

"Is it roasted eel?" Cody asked, staring at the cube of meat.

"It's donkey meat!" Chris corrected. "Local delicacy!"

As it was, Cody lost the round. For whatever reason, he assumed the meat was the donkey he'd ridden across the wall, and refused to eat. "I can't eat Ace!" Yeah, he'd even named it. I didn't get his attachment to it, either. I mean, I wouldn't want to eat it, but he knew that thing for about an hour.

Alejandro ducked under the table for a moment, saying "Dropped something." But his food was gone, so at least he was still in.

Cody sat there while the girls finished. "Cody, you're out!" Chris told him. "Loser bench!"

The next few rounds went the same way. Chris sang a line, then the contestants sang a line, and they ate. Lindsay couldn't take the live meal worms and dropped out next. Noah balked at the skewered starfish and went the same way. But every time, Alejandro kept ducking under the table, claiming to have dropped his hair tie.

Finally, Chris set the final meal down in front of Alejandro and Sierra. And next to me, it was Noah who called "Time out!"

Everyone stopped. "There's something suspicious going on." the slim guy said. "Why does Alejandro keep dropping his hair tie when he's not even using it? Are we sure that's the reason he keeps going out of view? Can someone at least check the food he claimed he finished isn't hidden? No one else has been doing it."

I jumped up and said "I'll check!" I was sure Alejandro couldn't be cheating. Why would he? He was good at everything, and I'd never thought he'd need to cheat.

Well, more fool me. He really had hidden his food, sticking it underneath the table so no one would notice it until it was too late. He'd actually cheated.

As for Sierra, she happily was able to finish the song with a declaration. "Cody's in First Class with me, and my Love Me tea!" she sang, her voice reaching a crescendo.

Even back on the plane, I couldn't think who to vote off. Sierra, my first choice, wasn't an option. And I wanted to wait to hear Alejandro's side of the story before I did anything more.

"Cody?" Lindsay suggested. "It's him or Noah. They're both, like, really smart."

So that's what we did. And when he went home, he actually looked grateful. Sierra couldn't take him to First Class, and he didn't have to be scared of what she'd do to him.

"So, who are you taking with you, Sierra?" Chris asked.

Sierra looked at everyone else, a little bit of fire in her eyes. Then, she finally said "...Lindsay." I guess they'd been teammates before the merge, so she had every right to choose the person she knew best.

But it meant I was left alone with the two guys – one who'd given me a warning I was more inclined to wonder about now, and the other who had done something I'd never expected.

Ugh, Chinese Fake-Out is not a good episode and it's also disgusting. That's why this chapter was so short, and the main point was for Jemma to discover that Alejandro is not above cheating when he is not equipped to win. I didn't want her to ask him until the next chapter.

As for Cody's elimination...well, I didn't feel he really demanded another episode and I still wanted Sierra to win this one. I can't see Lindsay or Noah winning. Lindsay's probably forgotten the meditative method she used in the first season and has a canonical weak stomach. Additionally, I didn't think Noah would have much of a strong stomach, although I did have to wonder why in the RR episode in China, why he insisted on eating rather than prepping. We haven't seen him do any other eating challenges, so I decided to let him eat the donkey and the meal worms and then drop out. On that note, I also hope I gave you a mental image of Noah wearing those weird shoes that Heather wore in canon, whether he actually did wear them or not (you decide).