Warning: This chapter has scenes and discussions of topics regarding severe emotional trauma and suicide; reader discretion advised and encouraged.
22
The rest of the walk was quiet. Normally Akane would have spent longer in the mausoleum, talking to her mother in particular and getting her caught up on what had happened in the last year. But this time she was not wanted. So she left them in peace. Well she at least hoped they were in peace.
I know when I'm intruding, it's ok guys. I have someone else to see anyway.
She was both thankful and angry at the silence in her head. It brought clarity of thought… which was also the problem. She never enjoyed being left to think, it never ended well.
This path was fresher in her mind. She'd only been there twice before and had to turn back a few times after taking a wrong turn. It was fine though. She wasn't super eager to get there. This one… this one still hurt quite a bit. The pain seemed to feel fresher each time she visited and she could feel a sour taste building up in her mouth. She could feel a weight growing in her chest and it was getting ever so slightly more difficult to breath.
And then she saw it. And it took everything in her not to turn tail and run back to the safety of her new home. Where it was warm. And noisy. And safe.
But she didn't. She paused for only a moment, and then came upon the headstone with tears in her eyes. She looked down at the name and one fell down her face.
HIRO KOBAYASHI
The name was still bold, the edges of the stone still sharp as the day they were carved. It was as fresh as her pain. She ran her hand over the top, stopping when it came to a strange, dark stain on one corner.
"Sorry again about that," she whispered.
Last year Michael had found her there after she had gone missing for the day. She made the mistake of not asking permission to leave. The young girl could still feel her temple throb from where her head had hit the stone when he threw her. She had been unable to clean all of the blood stains from the grave, so now the offending mark sat there for the foreseeable future.
"I'm sorry about a lot of things," she smiled sadly and more tears fell after their sibling. "If I had just gotten to you sooner…" a short, choking sob cut her off, "maybe you could've shared in this happiness with me." She fell to her knees and continued to cry quietly, a hand over her face and the other grabbing the grass as if it was the only thing keeping her on the ground. "I don't deserve this-this happiness. I don't deserve Yata's forgiveness. I don't deserve to start over again and just-just leave you behind. I'm so sorry, Hiro. I'm so so sorry." She rested her forehead against the cool granite and whispered to him, "I will always love you." She could say nothing else as the sobs overtook her completely.
It's ok.
She jumped back, tears staining her face, eyes wider than they had ever been and chest heaving from the fright. She had heard him. Clear as day. It was his voice. Not in her head, but gently whispered in her ear. Like he was there with her. Like he had never left.
The night was cool and crisp, but not quite cold. It was one of those nights where you could look up and the stars would remind you that spring was just around the corner. Akane barely shivered as she hurried across the school's campus in silence. She couldn't help but wish someone was there with her to help break it. She hadn't seen Yata all week, and her mental stability had payed for it.
She had to find him to make sure he was ok. That she hadn't meant what she said. That of course she would be there for him whenever he needed her. No matter what.
When she finally saw his door she found herself breaking into a run. Something just felt wrong. She practically flew into the door, banging on it and calling his name. Begging for him to let her in. Desperately apologizing, trying to make him understand that it wasn't real. That she was sick. She didn't mean it she didn't mean it.
"Hiro, please! Babe, let me in I swear I didn't mean what I said, let me explain!" Desperation turned to panic at the silence and she was left with no choice.
Taking a few steps back, she got a head start and jumped. This time she made it on the first try. Her hands shook so much that she was almost unable to fit the key into the locked door.
Later she would wish she hadn't.
She opened the door slowly, cautiously calling his name. The lights were all off save for those in the bathroom. She heard water running and saw a stain in the carpet under the door. It must have been flooding the room. What was he doing in there?
When she entered the room to explain herself to him, the only thing she found was the world falling out from under her.
The red was everywhere. It stained the walls and coated her hands. It flowed over the bathroom floor and leaked into the carpet of the next room. The blood flowed everywhere.
And yet he was more pale than she had ever seen. His eyes were clouded and the hand she desperately held was freezing cold.
His head was unbearably heavy as she held it in her lap and screamed for help. For anyone to do anything. Just to save her from being impossibly alone.
He approached from a ways back. The last thing Yata wanted to do was startle her or intrude on a personal moment. When he finally found Akane leaving the mausoleum, he figured she'd just turn back and he could intercept her at the road. But she didn't.
She continued on, deeper into the forest of tombs. So he followed her from afar, telling himself it wasn't creepy. Definitely not creepy. He was just checking up on his friend.
He didn't like it there. He'd never spent much time in a graveyard, hadn't gone to visit anyone. Sometimes he used its paths as a shortcut when he was in a hurry to get somewhere, but he had yet to spend a significant amount of time there. He couldn't say he was a fan.
When she stopped again he thought maybe she had gotten lost. The spot seemed so random. It was in a patch of stones that seemed slightly less worn than most of the others he had seen, but he couldn't make out any of the names or dates from where he hid from her, feeling guilty as hell. She took a glance over either shoulder in that paranoid fashion of hers, and he ducked out of sight. Determining that the coast was clear, she rounded on the stone and almost instantly broke down. He thought he saw her say some things, but was too far to know for sure or tell what the words were.
Fuck, this is a huge invasion of privacy… what am I doing here?!
His mind rejected the memory of Yuuto warning him off.
He waited for a few minutes. Then something changed. Her crying began to slow and she briefly sat in silence, tears still falling from her eyes. Then, out of nowhere, Akane jumped. Her entire body lurched back, away from the granite, clearly reflexively.
What the hell spooked her?
He figured now was as good a time as any to come out of hiding. The boy approached relatively slowly, careful not to sneak up on his best friend and to make sure she would be able to spot him long before he reached her. And to make sure she had a chance to bolt if she so desired.
Her eyes, red from crying, flickered past the grave and focused on his approaching, slightly blurry form. To his surprise, those eyes didn't turn to anger. She didn't start yelling at him, she didn't try to punch him, nor did she try to run. She just sat there slightly confused.
"Yata?" The girl called out, as if doubting his presence. She got to her feet with only a slight stumble. "What are you doing here?" There was only curiosity in her voice, no fury, no trace of betrayal. Nevertheless, he had stopped his advance a good distance off. "You… you are here, right? If not, this is a weird first."
"No, I'm here. Think I lost something around here though, you seen a lost kid anywhere? 'Bout yay high, thinks she's the shit?"
She rolled her eyes, but luckily he could detect some humor in it. "Sorry, no one like that in these parts, keep moving hot shot."
He chuckled. "But seriously, Akane, what are you doing here?"
She froze at that and her gaze hardened. But her voice did not. If anything it only grew softer. Sadder. Pitying. "You… you don't know who this is, do you?"
"Uhhh no. Should I?"
Her expression slightly darkened, "I would certainly hope so. I… look, I think it's time I tell you something, Yata. C'mere, I won't hurt you."
He cautiously walked up to her and turned to the carved slab. Oh. His eyes locked onto the name of his old friend and he tried to fight off the tunnel vision as the memories assaulted him. He felt a warmth pull him back to reality, even though her hand was cold in his own.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to come here if you weren't ready."
"I was so busy looking for you… I didn't have time to think about what happened. Sometimes I still think it was just a bad dream."
"A waking nightmare." They stood in an understanding silence for several minutes. Lost in their own heads, with the other being the only thing keeping them up. Holding them together. "If you're ready… I'd like to tell you about what happened that night." He slowly turned to look at her. It took her a few moments to look back, but when their eyes met he gave her a hesitant nod.
"Okay."
Something felt wrong when she woke up, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. The sun was out, as it always was these days, the last frost having melted away last week. She heard a bird sing a tune outside her window and let the light bathe her in warmth. It should have been a good morning.
But it wasn't.
She got out of bed.
Remember.
And got dressed.
Rememberremember.
And went to the kitchen.
Listen to us. Listen to what we know.
But something ached in the back of her mind, begging for attention. And when she reached for her medication a strong voice, stronger than herself told her No. Don't. And she didn't. She would wish she had.
Her mind was fuzzy and foggy, she couldn't think straight, she couldn't see through a haze that seemed to coat her eyes. All she could do was sit and let the dizziness consume her, feel the weight slowly building in her chest until she felt it would burst. She reached for a note on her table. It wasn't written in her handwriting. Was it? Did she know how to write? Could she read it?
There must be someone, anyone who could help, and maybe the note would give her a clue as to whom. She knew people… didn't she? People who cared about her? No, she must have been thinking of someone else. Yes, she was sure of it. What was his name?
He- Hi-
Hiro.
His name labelled the letter and the fog turned red in anger, but instead of dissipating it became thicker than ever. Or perhaps those were just the furious tears flooding her eyes.
Hiro Kobayashi.
Cheating. Bastard.
"I woke up thinking he was cheating on me, Yata. Isn't that absurd? Just the thought of him pulling some shit like that makes me laugh, he would hardly glance at our waitress without apologizing to me later. And I thought he was cheating."
"So… he didn't?"
She shook her head, closed her eyes, and took a deep deep breath through a cigarette, "It was just a bad day."
"I don't-I don't understand."
"I never told him that I was sick, Yata. He never knew. We dated for over a year and he never realized I was a psycho who saw dead people and heard voices and… and woke up believing things that weren't even remotely true."
"Akane, I still don't get it. What happened? What does this have to do with his… with him?"
"I'm getting to that."
His world was falling. Even when the voice on the other side of the phone was silenced as he hung up the call, the ringing remained. That infernal noise, trying to steal the limelight from his screaming thoughts. Trying to distract him from the pain, to take the reality from it. From what had happened. He knew that if the ringing never left, he would never find the mental clarity to know that what had happened was real. He'd been waiting for it for months. They all had. But now…
It wasn't actually supposed to happen. He was just a kid. Bad things like this didn't happen to kids. Not really.
The ringing paused just long enough for him to remember what to do. What he had to do. He had to go to her. Only she knew his pain, only she could hold him up in this dark time. Only she understood him. Only she tried.
That was why he loved her.
No matter who you were, big or small, strong or weak, she always listened. And somehow she always knew what to do. Even if the answer was to do nothing but sit and watch the world turn around you and learn to accept that it will keep turning. He had to get to her. He needed her, he had always needed her.
His eyes refused to focus as he walked through campus, ignoring everyone who waved or tried asking what was wrong. He didn't know if he was crying, if he was attracting attention. He didn't really care either. All that mattered was that he got from his door to hers.
Sometimes he thought it was aggravating that she didn't have a phone, but not today. Today he was thankful that people had no choice but to go to her in person if they wanted to talk. It made her so much more real than any of the other rich brats at this damn school.
He wouldn't remain thankful.
The walk came to an end quicker than it ever had. He'd never been so lost in thought in his life. Understandable, all things considered. The knock on her door was muffled, yet echoing at the same time. As if he was underwater. Desperately trying to stay afloat, clinging to life. But he didn't have the strength on his own. That was why he was there. She was so strong. Always so so strong. She could hold him up if no one else in the entire world could.
She always had.
The door opened, and what greeted him was worse than anything he could have imagined. Silence. But the anger rolled off of her in waves. A distant light, probably coming from the kitchen area, made her seem to glow like an angel.
Or a demon. A spirit of red hot hatred and fury that made his skin feel as though it would burn and peel from his bones as she turned her gaze upon him. He had never seen her like this before. She'd always left when she got angry, and now he could see why she worked so hard to never let him see it. It was terrifying.
All that brilliant power, that strength that he had admired in her from the moment they had met. Turned to fire. And the flames were aimed at him.
"Ak-"
"Don't." The demon hissed like a serpent. "Don't. Speak. To me. Not now, not later, not ever again. Do you understand me?" He could barely see it through the flame. The hurt in her eyes, it was unmistakable. Hurt? Had he hurt her? What did he do? What was it? What could make her so angry at him, nothing had changed! He loved her… he would never do a thing to hurt her. He needed her. Hurting her would be akin to chopping his own hand off.
He would rather die than see her hate him.
"I never want to see you again. Ever. I don't care what you have to do, but if you ever show your face around me again I'll be the last person to see it. I'm done with your stupid act. Pretending to care about me. I'm done with it. And I'm done with you. It may have been just one mistake, but of all of them to make…" He could have sworn he saw tears begin to grow in her eyes. She choked on her words, "I hope she was worth it. You two traitors deserve each other. And no one else." She paused for a moment and the tears subsided, "Now get the fuck offa my doorstep, Hiro. And don't come back."
So… he didn't. He didn't know what he had done wrong, who she was talking about. He had barely recognized the girl. The love of his life. His first and only. The one person he could think to go to after a phone call telling him his mother had died. She didn't care what he had to do.
So he would do what he had to.
"I killed him, Yata. He may have taken his own life, but I looked in his eyes in that moment and I watched him die. I… I told him to never come back because of a delusion! And that fucking idiot listened to me." She sunk to her knees and placed a hand flat on the grass before his tombstone "He cared too much," she whispered. "And now his blood is on my hands."
Yatagarasu stood there. Staring at the stone. At his friend. Lost.
"It's not-" His voice cut off and she looked up at him. He had an arm crossing his face so as to try to hide the tears falling down his cheeks to water the grass. "It's not fair."
"Yata-" She only watched, restraining herself from reaching for him. She doubted it would be much comfort.
"It's not fair that you've been dealing with this alone."
That took her aback. It was far from any reaction she could have guessed from him. "W-what?"
He wiped at his face and crouched before her, bloodshot eyes locking onto bloodshot eyes. "It's not your fault, Akane. You didn't kill him, it was his choice to take his life. You- you had no control over that."
She immediately stood and took a step back in shock. "What are you talking about, Yata?! Didn't you hear a word of what I just said?! I TOLD him to!"
"You didn't know."
"STOP IT!" She screamed at him, eyes wide in what appeared to be panic, but his expression didn't change. He simply continued to quietly cry as he looked at Hiro's headstone. "Don't forgive me! Get mad! Yell! Do SOMETHING!"
"I TRIED! I tried doing something two years ago, Akane! I did everything I could, and you wouldn't even tell me what had happened! I tried helping you, keeping my promise as your friend, your family, and instead of swallowing your fucking pride and LETTING ME HELP, you went and fucking LEFT!" Now he was standing and yelling right at her. Their tears had turned angry as they screamed at each other. "You may have lost Hiro, but when you left I lost everything. And I didn't even know why. I didn't know what I did that was so- so horrible that you disappeared without even saying goodbye, that the second I found you again all you did was want to leave! I'm sorry that happened to you, really, this whole situation is complete shit, but when you ran off to do whatever the fuck you wanted I was left behind to suffer alone and question everything. All you had to do was tell me and let me tell you that it wasn't your fault. I spent the last two years searching for you, hell I joined Homra to find you! All I wanted to do was find out what I did wrong… to find out if you were okay. I spent two years blaming myself, when in reality you left because you thought it was your fault?"
She looked like she wanted to run. But then she always wanted to run, to fly away. Hane, the girl with those wings that were always just out of reach. All he could do was try to catch her long enough to bring her back down to Earth. So before she could bolt, he did the one thing he could think to do to hold her there.
He hugged her. "If you wouldn't let me be your friend back then, at least let me try to be one now, Akane. Please… don't fly away again." She finally hugged him back, arms wrapping around his torso and pulling him closer as she cried.
"I'm so sorry, Yata."
He held her. And she wept. "I know."
In that moment, a young girl in a bar miles away gasped. "Oh."
"You okay, Anna? Did you find her?!"
Her brow furrowed in confusion, "I- I think so. There was a bright flash of white light. Here." She pointed at a location on the map. The Shizume graveyard.
"Why would she be at a graveyard?"
"You would be too, if you had lost as much as her," Mikoto replied to Kusanagi. The man went quiet.
"I thought you had said before that her aura was red, Anna. Are you sure that's her?"
The child shrugged, face contorted in a combination of confusion and concentration. "I'm pretty sure. Akane is red on the outside, but I think she's different below the surface. This had the same energy as her."
"Well, it's where Yata is, I just pulled up his location. He's been there for a while now, so I'm willing to bet he found her," Kusanagi chimed in.
"He'll probably call in a few minutes, then, once he's sure she's okay."
They had continued on walking quietly for a ways, hand in hand. He had protested- strongly- at first, but had to concede when she threatened to start crying again.
"You feelin' better?"
She shrugged, "Yeah, I guess. I thought coming clean would make me feel, y'now, cleaner. But I still feel like shit. I could go for a drink right about now."
"I was afraid you were gonna say that."
"Eh?"
"Look, I'm not supposed to tell you this, actually Mr. Kusanagi might skin me for it, but I can't just not warn you after today."
"Yata, what the fuck are you on about? Are they planning on kidnapping me and taking me to a loony bin or something?"
"What?! Oh come on, give us some credit, Akane! I came here to find you and bring you to a surprise party they're throwing you. Everyone's waiting."
"WHAT?!"
"SHHH we're in a cemetery!"
"They can't HEAR US, Yata! They're dead, that's the point! And that's not important, what's fucking IMPORTANT is that you told me you'd make sure this WOULDN'T. HAPPEN."
He let go of her and took a step back with his hands up in surrender. "I tried! I really did! But you try stopping Tatara once he's already told everyone and has them fucking balloon shopping!" She straight up growled at him. "U-um… it's open bar for your 20th, did I mention that?"
Her face went blank and she blinked a few times, like someone had hit her reset button with a pickaxe. "Oh. Well why didn't you mention that sooner? Where is it?"
"Flintlock."
"Cool, let's go."
"Y-you're not mad?"
"Huh? Oh, no, I'm fucking livid. But it's not your fault, I'm just gonna need some time to think of a way to get back at Tatara later after I scream his fucking ears off of his head. They are sooo dead."
"I tried to warn them, they didn't take me seriously."
She laughed, "Well neither do I, to be fair"
"Hey!"
His only reply was an 'at least I'm honest' shrug, "Don't worry, though. They will once I'm through with 'em." He shuddered at the thought. "Let's stop by Homra first, I need to change and look like I haven't been crying my ass off all day. Need to grab my board, too."
"You wanna just take a taxi back? It's a long walk."
I can't. He owns the taxis. He'll know. He'll find me, and more importantly, he'll find all of you.
"Nah, I need the fresh air. You can go on ahead without me if you want."
Her friend rolled his eyes and held out his hand to her. "Let's just go." He ignored the look she gave him when she took his hand and they began the walk back home. He would do anything for her. Anything but look into her eyes and let her see what he was feeling.
"You gonna be done before the party's over?!"
"Don't rush me! It's my birthday, you fuck!"
"I want you to know I hate that you're playing that card now."
"Shut up, it's my birthday."
He shook his head in annoyance but laughed nonetheless. Yata decided to take the time waiting to call Kusanagi and let him know they would be there soon. The man took hardly a moment to pick up.
"Yata? You find her?"
"Yeah, Mr. Kusanagi she's fine. We're at Homra right now, but we'll be there soon."
"She okay?"
"Uh… yeah. Were you expecting her not to be? Something happen?"
"No just- Anna saw something strange on the map when she was looking for Akane. She said it was a flash of white light, you see anything like that while you were over there?"
"Um." He looked up the stairs with a concerned look, "Nope. Didn't see anything like that. That's really odd though, didn't Anna say Akane's aura was red?"
"That's what we thought too. Something about her only being red on the outside or something like that. Look, don't worry about it right now, we can talk more about it later. Just focus on making sure Akane has a good night, alright?"
"Don't let Chitose near her, got it." The bartender chuckled from the other side and ended the call.
"Alright! I'm ready!" Akane slid down the railing and landed with a bounce before him, throwing her arms up like she was an Olympic gymnast. "How do I loooook?" She spun in a circle. She was wearing a tight fitting keyhole shirt, it had long sleeves but was a crop-top. With it she had on high-waisted black pants, they were a loose fabric with holes purposefully ripped in them at the knees and on a spot on her thigh. They were tucked into black boots with red detailing that matched the shirt. She had let her hair down to flow in gentle waves over her shoulders and down her back, and wore red lipstick and black winged eyeliner that made her bright grey eyes pop.
He shook his head to snap himself out of the moment. Fighting a blush he responded, "Good, but uh-" he handed her the sweater that was tied around his waist. It was a black one today. "Here. You can see the scars on your back, I know you get self-conscious about that."
She took a breath, "Oh. I guess I didn't think that one through." She pulled on the zip-up hoodie. It was loose on her. He had to look away. "Thanks, Yata." She didn't seem as peppy as a moment ago. He scolded himself. Shit. Shoulda just kept my damn mouth shut.
He nodded in acknowledgement and they stepped out of the bar with their skateboards. But… she looked so down all of the sudden. He couldn't let her leave like that. He had to make it better, to say something.
"They don't bother me, you know."
"Huh?"
"I didn't say that because they bother me. They don't. The scars. I just wanted you to be comfortable."
"They don't?"
He shook his head and she laughed at his hair flopping over his face, "Course not! I mean they make me mad sometimes, but that's just because I wanna beat the shit out of whoever it was that did that to you. But they're a part of you, of course they don't bother me you idiot."
The color immediately returned to her face and she smiled at him. "Thanks, Yata. We should get going, though, so I can get the fake surprise over with and raid the bar."
"I worry about you."
She snorted a laugh, "Who doesn't." And they kicked off and immediately began racing like kids through the streets of Shizume towards the Flintlock Candle.
She could see warm light glowing withing the windows of their destination. She could hear her friends whisper behind the door as they approached, trying-and failing- to be stealthy to surprise her.
It's gonna take a lot more than that to get the jump on me, boys.
"They're so bad at this," Yata said from beside her. He looked tired. Maybe that was just the frustration of the situation though.
"For the record I wasn't gonna say anything about it."
"Because usually you're so nice."
"I knew you'd admit it one day. Now let's get this over with." Akane handed her skateboard to Yata's expectant hand, pushed the doors open, and took a reluctant step inside. It was quiet.
But only until Tatara silently counted to three from his hiding place and they all jumped out at her, "SURPRISE!" She feigned a startled jump, hand flying to her heart like they did in the movies.
"Jesus Christ, you guys! What is all this?!" The balloons, the streamers…
Oh my god what is that banner?
The everything. It was overwhelming. It was why she didn't tell them it was her birthday in the first place. I was why they were so dead later. She would let them enjoy tonight though.
They all laughed and smiled at her. As Tatara left the crowd to greet her, someone yelled incoherently and the music started, everyone separated to go about their business and enjoy the party. Looked helplessly after Yata, who left her side to put their skateboards in a back room of the bar.
The man didn't hesitate to hug his friend, and she hugged him back, not being able to hold back a small laugh at his enthusiasm and successfully fighting back her anxiety for the moment. "Happy birthday! Do you like it?"
"Well it's… definitely unlike anything I've ever experienced." He clapped in delight, oblivious to his impending doom.
"Well we'll be here for as long as you want, and it's open bar! I thought you'd enjoy that."
"I'll try not to break the break your bank but no promises."
"Don't worry about it, just have fun!" And then the growing crowd swallowed him up. He was quickly replaced though as someone came up from behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and spinning her in a circle. She shrieked, but wasn't panicked. There was only one person in the world dumb enough to do that.
"YUUTO PUT ME DOWN!" He finished his current revolution then disgracefully dropped her. She landed on her feet without so much as a wobble. Akane immediately spun around and stuck a finger in his ridiculously grinning face. "I swear, if we weren't in public-"
"You'd be absolutely delighted to see me and you'd hug me back. It's okay, I know you get shy sometimes I'll try not to be hurt by it." She looked like she was about to shout something else, but he interrupted her, "I didn't expect you to show up."
Her expression darkened a bit, "I'm still wondering why I did. I'm really not in the mood for all this."
"Hm. I think you'll be surprised as the night goes on."
"What do you mean?"
"If you really meant that, you wouldn't have shown. I think deep down you know you need this. These kids have really done a number on you."
"We're not kids, Yuu."
"Oh so it's we now?"
"Yeah, I mean no, I mean… ugh I dunno. I really don't. I'm just confused by everything right now."
She no longer felt like an intruder to Homra, but was she one of them? Despite her constant interaction and growing relationships with them all, she still felt like an observer. Looking down upon the actions of Homra from her own world in the clouds, in the same universe but apart just the same. She could never really gain a full understanding of them, of who they were and what it meant to be them. Because she wasn't one of them. Until she shared the tattoo burned into their skin true understanding would be impossible, and would remain so for as long as she had a say. She could never bear the mark, she wouldn't allow it even if they begged her. Even if it was a matter of life and death.
She was just too dangerous.
"Akane, one day you're just gonna have to face the hard truth about something."
"And what would that be?"
He placed a hand on her shoulder and leaned in towards her ear as he slowly began to walk past her, "You're worth more than you could ever know." She stopped and blinked, trying to register his words as they rattled around in her mind, not sure where they fit into the puzzle of her identity. "Now if you'll excuse me I have a real fine snack to inspect." She rolled her eyes as she saw the man who had walked through the door, who was now the person of Yuuto's focus.
"Good luck." She called after him before he got too far, "You're out of his league though!" He just turned and threw a giant smile back at her, one she couldn't help but return. Her attention was diverted when a small force impacted the back of her leg. She stumbled only a slight bit, and had to contort herself to see big red eyes looking up at her as Anna hugged her.
"I'm glad you're okay."
The older girl chuckled and crouched in front of the younger, "Of course I am, why do you say that?"
Kusanagi, who had been escorting Anna through the crowd, answered for her, "Anna was looking for you on a map earlier and saw a flash of light where you were."
"Oh… that's weird. I didn't notice anything like that, sorry to make you worry hun."
"I like your red," the child responded, "I think you should keep it."
Akane didn't always understand what she said, but she always took her words to heart anyway. "Well I'll do my best to make sure that happens then." She ruffled Anna's hair a little and stood up. "This is quite the shindig you guys set up, boss."
"Who told you?" The look in his eyes told her to not even try to play it off.
"How could you tell?"
"You way oversold it. I've never seen you react to anything like any normal person would expect."
"I'm really not sure how to take that."
"So? Who told you?"
She shrugged, unwilling to give away her best friend to the enemy. Snitches get stitches after all. "I just know things."
His eyes narrowed, "I'm gonna kill that boy."
Fuck. "Well I'd hate to be whoever this mystery person is then, especially since I figured it out on my own."
"You're such a bad liar."
She gasped in feigned hurt, "I am not!"
The man laughed. "Sure you aren't. I'm going to take Anna to a table for some cake. It's chocolate with strawberries if you want any." She could practically hear her stomach yell at her at the thought, and her heart gave an almost sickening squeeze in the best way a sickening squeeze can be. He remembered. Only Yata could've known that was her favorite. He had remembered after all that time.
"Happy birthday, Akane." She warmly smiled down at Anna.
"Thanks, kiddo. Go enjoy some cake for me, maybe I'll join you later."
And then they had left. And she was alone again, just another face in the crowd. She thought to seek out Yata, but thought again. The last thing she wanted was to be a burden on him, especially after what had happened earlier. He deserved his space, not for her to leach onto him whenever she felt mildly uncomfortable. She was a big girl. She could handle it. With alcohol.
The muffled voice of the tv caught her ear as she sat down at the bar. It was the news, covering a story unearthed only moments ago.
"This just in, a woman's body was found by a group of kids in an abandoned building by the Shizume Cemetery. The body has not yet been identified, but the authorities, lead by Detective Dayu Ose, are conducting an investigation into-" The woman's voice was cut off and the screen went black, leaving nothing but a bitter taste in Akane's mouth and a mysteriously bad feeling in her gut.
"Shouldn't have something like that on at a party," said the bartender. Despite the fact that she worked in the same place five days a week, she had never seen the man before. It was likely he only worked the night shift, so their paths hadn't yet crossed.
He turned to her with a polite smile, clearly having no clue who she was. "Can I get you something to drink, miss? It's open bar for anyone in the Homra party."
"I'll take a whiskey neat, thanks."
"May I see some ID?"
Shit. She was officially of legal drinking age, but that meant nothing if she didn't have an ID. As far as the government was concerned, she was practically a ghost story. And she planned on staying that way. But that would definitely make some things a little more complicated, especially since she hadn't brought a fake with her.
She was interrupted before she had the chance to try to explain herself, "She's fine." Mikoto had walked up from behind her without her noticing and had stepped in at her panicked silence. Without another word the bartender simply nodded in acknowledgement at the King and poured Akane's drink.
"I knew I could've gotten you to buy me a drink before," she gave him a lopsided, challenging smile, alluding to the night when he had nearly burnt a man to a crisp for her. The man was hit with another memory from that night, after she had disappeared.
Mikoto ran an agitated hand through his hair as he and Kusanagi stepped through the doors of bar Homra. He didn't hesitate to light a cigarette. His friend stepped behind his treasured piece of wood and poured them both a drink.
"You almost lost your cool back there, Mikoto."
"She was the one yelling, woulda served her right."
"Hey, be nice. And that's not what you were worked up over."
The man grunted and took a sip of his drink with eyes closed.
"You like her."
"She's… interesting."
"Come on, Mikoto, you know you're smarter than that. Don't lie to me…"
Suddenly the room bursting with people didn't feel so empty. The air wasn't quite so cold. The noise wasn't so silent. Suddenly she felt as though she wanted to be where she was, and that she wasn't the only one.
She was never at a loss for words when she was with him, even the silences or pauses felt natural and unforced. When they spoke whatever needed to be said was and whenever that was nothing it was okay too. It helped that this time around she had a fairly steady stream of alcohol coming her way. It helped her to relax, it blurred the lines between delusion and reality even further, which was a sort of comfort for her. An excuse to act strange between mouthfuls of cake.
Not that there ever were delusions when Mikoto Suoh was around anyway. They were as terrified of his aura as she was drawn to it. Whenever he was near it was like someone had draped a warm, soft blanket around her mind. It took her back to times of pillow forts and ghost stories and camping in the backyard, times before she knew fear. Only comfort. Only safety. Those beautiful but short years.
That coupled with the numerous drinks they had shared left her delightfully clearheaded yet tipsy at the same time. The world around her danced in an amused light, but she had never felt more a part of it. So when the conversation once again peacefully lulled she knew exactly what she was about to say.
She looked at the man next to her, who was leaning with his back on the bar, watching the people pass by, minding their own business. "Dance with me." He looked at her, puzzled, she had to stifle a laugh.
"What?" Had he misheard her? Was he starting to hear voices too?
"Like that night in the kitchen. Dance with me."
"I'm sure that would end well."
"What're you talking about? It's just a dance."
He closed his eyes and sighed in frustration. Her not getting the point was nothing new, but this was almost ridiculous.
"You remember what happened the last time it was 'just a dance'."
"Oh, c'mon Mikoto don't be like that. It's my birthday and I feel like dancing!"
He chuckled but shook his head again, "I'm sure plenty of people here would love to do you the honors."
She shrugged and rolled her eyes, "Fine, let me know if you change your mind. And for the record, I don't remember last time ending so badly." She shot him a sly smile and disappeared into the crowd before he had the chance to say anything back.
"I never said it did," he mumbled to himself, then turned around for another drink.
She wasn't in the mood to dance with a stranger. A lightheartedness had taken her over, motivating a need to actually enjoy her time for once. Most of her friends had left by now. Tatara had taken Anna to spend the night at his place, Chitose was undoubtedly hooking up with someone, and many of the guys who she didn't have as close a relationship had politely said their goodbyes. Kusanagi sat at a table with Mikoto now, being their ride home and keeping his King company.
This had left her unfortunate victim of circumstance to be Yata.
It wasn't easy getting him to relax, but it wasn't the first time she'd dragged him into something like this either. The dance floor was packed, it was basically a rave at this point and she doubted anyone could even recognize the music that was playing. It blasted their ears to the point of bursting. It forced a constant smile out of her. Eventually her friend got over the awkwardness and could do the same.
It was so hard for him to stay uptight with her. He couldn't help it, she had a way with people. An acceptance that she would likely always be the craziest person in the room. And she owned it like a fucking boss. It would be an insult to her, to everything she stood for and had been through, to not at least try to put in the small amount of effort needed to make her happy.
He couldn't be so irresponsible as to leave her alone right then anyway. Not only was it her birthday party, but she had a drink in hand constantly. He didn't even know where she kept pulling them out of. Regardless, at this point she was a bit beyond tipsy. She was always surefooted, but her motions were a little slower and words began to make less sense. He was glad she was happy, but soon he would have to be the bad guy and put a stop to it. A moment he dreaded. At least he had backup.
Just when he was about to begin the process of getting her to sit down for a bit, a large man shoved through the crowd, incidentally pushing her into a stumble. Yata's eyes widened ever so slightly. Shit.
"Watch where you're going, bitch," the man grumbled. Very audibly. There was no way she had missed it.
She regained her composure without skipping a beat, and spun around to face him with a fierce glare, "Fucking excuse you, you self-entitled prick?!"
Her friend quickly stepped in front of her with his back to the stranger, who was attempting a glare back at her. He'd have to practice a bit in the mirror before it was nearly as formidable as her own. "Yata…" She growled in warning.
"Akane, he's just an asshole. Forget about it." And it seemed like she would've actually listened. If the asshole had kept his mouth shut.
"Look at this punk, tryin' ta pussy out of uh fight," the man jeered with his buddy standing beside him, and a look of recognition passed over his face. "Oh no wonder, this kid is fuckin' Homra! What a sorry group uh cowards, I bet their lowlife leader don't even get off 'is ass long enough ta-" Yata had turned on the man now, ready to beat some Homra pride into his dumbass face.
But Akane beat him to the punch. Literally. Before anyone realized what had happened, the girl had gently pushed past her friend and not so gently thrown a fist that swiftly broke the large man's nose and shattered his glasses. There was a gush of blood and he fell back on his ass, stunned into silence. He sat there wondering what to do with the broken glass and blood dripping down his face, pooling in his hands.
Hyoushu looked down her nose at him with a sadistic glint in her eye and a blood-curdling smile. The people in their direct vicinity took a scared step back, but those beyond the front lines were completely oblivious as to what had happened.
His stupid pal though decided it would be a good idea to try to grab her from behind. Yata had a hard time believing that this was the same drunk girl from 30 seconds ago as she stomped on the guy's foot and elbowed him in the stomach as hard as she could. It knocked the air out of him so severely that she pushed him away and to the ground with ease, not taking her eyes off of the man who had insulted her newfound family. She took a steady step towards him, grabbing an empty beer bottle off a table and elegantly caressing its neck with a thirst for blood. Fear flashed through her target's eyes.
"Akane!" Her friend's voice broke through her livid haze, and he gently grabbed her weaponized arm. Kusanagi had noticed that something was wrong but was unsuccessfully trying to navigate through the crowd. Yata managed to make eye contact with him and nodded, signaling that they were okay but would have to make their exit. Quickly. "Akane, this trash ain't worth it. C'mon, let's just go." For one tense, horrifying second she didn't move. No one knew whether the words had gotten through or not.
The man on the ground jumped as the bottle rolled out of Akane's hand and hit the floor with a thud, somehow not breaking. It travelled a short distance over the ground to lightly bump into his foot. They left him without another word. He thanked his god for his life.
She sat with a blank expression at the table while Yata explained to Izumo what had happened and left to grab their skateboards. Mikoto regarded her silently, but she sat sideways in her chair, not making eye contact or allowing her eyes to focus on anything in particular. He hated when she got like this. She went from someone bursting with energy and spunk and passion to an empty shell. Something vacant.
"Akane?" Kusanagi placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and forced her to make eye contact with him. He saw anger and sadness. He saw fear. Everything he wished he saw less of in her every day. Nevertheless he gave her what he hoped was a reassuring enough smile. "Let's go home, kid." She nodded her head slightly but quickly and now he saw relief. "I'll get the car started," he said to Mikoto, apparently leaving him to walk the girl out of the club.
The King stood and walked over to her. Her eyes stayed glued to the floor, and she flinched when he held a hand out to her, making him frown. She stared at the hand in confusion for a moment, then some of the tension in her shoulders seemed to disappear and he felt her soft, cool hand in his own. He helped her to her feet, and she released the hand when she was standing, instead taking his arm as he walked her out at her own pace. Something stirred in him when he felt the pressure of her head on his shoulder, and he had half a mind to go back and finish the prick off himself. That would mean leaving her side though, and that simply wouldn't do.
Izumo adjusted his rearview mirror as Yata finally climbed into the back of the van with the skateboards and sat across from the girl, Mikoto having sat shotgun after making sure she was safely seated. They were both able to keep an eye on her through the mirror now. Just to be sure she was okay. They still weren't sure exactly how certain scenarios triggered her mental illness, and how her actions may be affected as well. Yata seemed relaxed, but regardless they were a bit uneasy.
It wasn't a long drive to Yata's apartment, which was nothing more than a place to sleep when he had to leave Homra at the end of every day. In that time though, Akane seemed to come a bit out of her daze. As they drove her and Yata carried on a quiet, casual discussion about this or that and Mikoto watched them warily from the front seat. She seemed fine, but as horrible as she was at lying with her words she was a master of hiding her true internal condition. "I'm fine" was a slogan of her deceit.
When the van came to a slow stop, Yata hopped out but lingered at the door with his skateboard in hand. "Are you-"
"Yes, Yata, I'm sure I'll be fine. I'll see you tomorrow, ok? Thanks for… everything today. I'm sorry it didn't go quite as planned."
"You kidding? It was your party, how else were we supposed to expect it to go?"
"Ha ha," she laughed completely devoid of humor, "You're so funny. Now get the fuck outta here I'm getting cold." She stuck her tongue out at him and he rolled his eyes as the door shut. Her eyes followed him until he was safely in the building, then she leaned back and closed them.
The car started moving again, and something soft but slightly weighted landed in her lap. She jumped, startled, and opened her eyes to a large black jacket.
Mikoto's?
She had given Yata's sweater back when he had gotten in the van. The King must have noticed her subtle shiver and decided to give her his own. Her eyes directed themselves in his direction, but he was looking out the window at the drizzling rain that had begun to fall, like nothing had happened. She smiled softly and pulled the coat over her like a blanket, relaxing and zoning out to the pitter-patter of water droplets hitting the window behind her head.
Despite her obvious intoxication she wasn't drowsy or unaware of her surroundings. The situation at the Flintlock had sobered her up slightly, though she was still far from being fully sober. She watched the streetlights pass by contentedly. Mikoto watched her through the mirror, worried. He was always worrying lately. It was getting on his nerves, especially since he didn't fully understand what he was worrying about. But nevertheless, he worried.
Izumo watched over the girl and held the door open for her when they got to the bar, Mikoto bringing up the rear. He tried and failed not to notice how much he liked the look of his jacket on her. It hung loose over her thin, smaller body, accentuating her elegance in a way. The fabric folded over her narrower shoulders, and the too-long sleeves left only the fingers of one hand peeking out into the harsh world. The other she kept hidden in the sleeve, out of sight.
They finally got inside and Kusanagi turned to look at her. "You seem to be doing a little better," he said gently.
A brief smile flashed his way, "Yeah, I am. Sorry about my little freak-out back there, I didn't mean to cause trouble for you guys."
"Akane, you didn't cause any trouble. If you hadn't hit that guy Yata would've, and if you ask me he deserved it. We were gonna leave soon anyway." She seemed to perk up ever so slightly at his reassurance. Anything was better than when she went into ghost mode. "I'll head to bed then, let me know if there's anything you need, as always."
She nodded without a word. He paused in horror as her eyes started to get moist. Oh no, don't cry. Again. She opened her mouth as though she was going to say something, but instead took a couple quick steps and was hugging him. At first he looked down at her in alarm. To his relief she wasn't crying, but he still wasn't that much of a hugger.
"Thank you." His panic relaxed itself at her words and he gently placed his arms around her, in more of a motherly gesture than anything else.
"Happy birthday, Akane. Get some sleep." Her smile followed him as he left and she recognized a feeling of belonging somewhere deep in her soul. It terrified her. But there was no way she would let it go. She was there for the long-haul, whether they liked it or not.
She turned around to face Mikoto, he noticed her still hiding her hand. "You going to bed too?" He held out his hand with a skeptical gaze and there was no doubt in her mind of what the gesture meant. She sighed heavily. "Shit." The girl extended her hand. It seemed fine, but upon closer inspection he could see her knuckles were beginning to swell and she had somehow accumulated a series of small scratches, one of them seemed deeper than the rest. "I uh… broke his glasses."
He glanced into her eyes for hardly a moment and her breath caught in her throat, having no clue how he would react. He let go of her, though, and began to walk off. "Sit." He said.
"Woof." She said back, but followed orders just the same. She inspected the wound more closely, but miraculously found no glass shards stuck in the cuts. The man soon returned with the first aid kit in hand, though she noticed he was walking ever so slightly less stably, and she was reminded of all the alcohol they had consumed together.
She looked at the box in his hand and reached out for it when he got closer, "Thanks, I could've gotten it for myself though."
"Stop." He didn't give it to her, only put it on the coffee table and took a seat beside her, proceeding to open it and rifle through the contents.
"Mikoto, let me-"
"Stop." His voice was firmer this time, he used the tone that no one ever argued with. One day, she thought, one day I'm gonna really rain on your parade. But instead she just shut her mouth and pouted at the window, only turning back again when she heard him swearing at himself. His hands were decently unsteady from intoxication, and so he was fumbling a bit with the bandages and dropping stuff everywhere. Did she help? Of course not. But she definitely watched from the sidelines trying not to laugh too loudly. The scene made her feel warm inside, made her wonder why he thought this was worth so much effort.
He finally got what he needed and began to carefully handle and patch up her hand. After cleaning away the blood and applying some antibacterial ointment, he began to wrap up her knuckles. That was when she snapped out of her daze, being hypnotized by his work, and spoke up.
"Mikoto?"
"Hm."
"I just- I didn't regret it, you know. That night in the kitchen. I mean, it was definitely a mistake, don't get me wrong but… I definitely didn't regret it no matter how hard I tried to. I was afraid you thought I did, that's all. I didn't want you to think that. At first, I thought I regretted it but really I didn't, and that's not why I made you stop. I'm still kinda new here, y'know? And I like it here. I really really like it here and I didn't want to do anything to mess that up. You guys are like the best thing that's ever happened to me, I can't imagine a life of never seeing any of you again, or of you guys being mad at me, and I got scared that… that…"
She trailed off from rambling. He had long since finished bandaging her hand, but he hadn't let go of it yet. He simply sat beside her on the couch, looking down at her with a soft gaze.
"I know." He said quietly. His other hand reached up and his thumb traced across her cheekbone, eventually pushing a lock of raven hair behind her ear. "I didn't either." He remembered their exchange from that night, what he had said. "And it didn't mean nothing. You don't mean nothing."
Her eyes were glued to his, and for the umpteenth time they found themselves leaning closer to each other.
What the fuck else did I expect to happen after saying that?
You idiot. You'll jeopardize everything.
He's just going to use you and leave you like the others.
Y-yeah, or m-maybe worse.
Ha! Yeah maybe you'll just end up using him instead. Wouldn't be the first time, you stupid tramp.
It was strange. The voices hardly ever showed up when he was around. They must've thought this was really important for them to interrupt. Too bad she disagreed. They faded seconds after that outburst and were silent for the rest of the night and well into the next day. Made her job of expertly ignoring them easier.
"I... think I'm a little drunk." She whispered, giving no indication of her mental cloudburst.
"Me too." He whispered back. Their foreheads gently met but neither made any movement beyond that.
"I think... I'd like to kiss you now, Mikoto Suoh."
"Must be the alcohol."
"Mmmm-" she agreed, "must be." That was about when their lips met.
It was slow and gentle at first, like before, as they reaccustomed themselves with the other. That didn't last for long. Before either of them had even realized what had happened the heat between them had been dialed to 11. Her hands were tangled in his hair as she straddled his lap on the couch, and his were expertly roaming under her shirt. Neither showed any sign of stopping.
His breathing was heavy as he whispered in her ear. "I'm going to take you upstairs now." She nodded without a word, and they reconnected as he picked her up like it was the easiest thing in the world and carefully carried her up the stairs.
And as he shut the door behind them, the end of his conversation with Izumo briefly ran through his mind.
"...Don't lie to me. And for god's sake stop lying to yourself." They were quiet for a moment, the bartender narrowing his eyes, realizing he'd have to spell it out for his friend. "You're falling for her." More silence. And then...
"...Maybe."
A/N: How's everyone summer going? 2020 is hell but I hope you're all doing alright T^T I'm somehow surviving quaranteen it's rough though being stuck in SoCal where everything is like... peak insanity.
But on to better things! Like uh... AHHHOAEHFNOCWAN;IUA IT FINALLY HAPPENED AMIRIGHT?! Like took them fucking long enough, but I'm happy to report Mikane is officially on its maiden voyage with canons on board (yes I spelled that wrong intentionally aren't I clever). I've been waiting to write this for so long it had to be perfect, that's one reason why it was so stalled. But I greatly appreciate your continued support of my efforts to bring quality entertainment to nerds, geeks, weebs, and fangirls everywhere 3 No I'm not calling you out, I'm congratulating you for being interesting.
Here's a review haul...
From Mirah Ashley (Ch. 20): It's amazing. I have fallen in love with Yuuto 's character. I am okay with slow mikane moments. In fact I think it just makes the story more spicy.
Also (Ch. 21): Wow. It's so filled with suspense. Thanks for the shout out. I am so thrilled. Please please don't keep me hanging on this suspense. Already impatient for next update.
I'm glad you like Yuuto, at first he was just going to be barely a side character but I'm glad I fleshed him out and gave him a personality. He is wonderful and beautiful and I wish he was my weird uncle or something. I hope picking up the pace of things didn't ruin it for you ;P And sorry to keep you waiting! Your support means so much to me and I'm so grateful that you've been following along the story despite me making you wait so long. I genuinely hope to read more of your comments in the future they make my day!
From Guest (Ch. 20): Yesssssss thank you so much for updating this story I love it so much! I love how Mikoto is protective of her and not even realizing it lol. I can't wait for more and thank you so so much for updating again.
Ah you're a guest so I'm not sure if you're still reading along, but I hope you are! Writing that aspect of Mikoto is really challenging because I am terrified of making him too OOC TvT I'm glad you like it so far though, I love it when people take note of the little things like that which I've been putting effort into incorporating.
From I Dream Therefore I Am (Ch. 20): Great chapter! Glad to see you posting again. I'm loving Mikoto's concern over Akane and I'm loving her friend and their interaction. I'm excited for the next chapter!
Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying it. I'm trying to make her and Yuu's interactions a little unique from how she behaves from the others so it's not just the standard 'main character has a standard friendship' formula, and they're more like real people. I hope it's showing through. I love your feedback and it makes me so happy to see you reading along even though I'm so slow! Hope you like this chapter.
From Anastasiapoly (Ch. 20): aaaaaa the story is so good! I cant wait for the update! I want to learn all of her secrets the suspense is killing me
Well you're learning her secrets, are they anything like what you had expected or predicted? XD I truly appreciate your support and I'm so glad that this story is able to create enough of an emotional response to make some good ol' fashion suspense for you lol I look forward to hearing from you again!
That's all for now, folks! You know what to do ;P Lemme know what you think, I look forward to minorly interacting with you again once I know wtf I'm gonna do!
-TFT, damn I hope they used protection
PS does anyone actually read these? lmao