Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series and/or the Twilight Saga.
Chapter Seventeen
Everyday, A Little Death
"Oh, dear," said Sanguini, his voice easily wading through the thick silence of shock that descended upon them. He tutted lightly at the only telepath in the room. "You truly did not know? How odd."
Edward didn't care for Sanguini's patronizing tone as a chill went through him and an alarm rang in his head. He couldn't find his voice; he didn't know where to start finding it. He was befuddled and lost in this revelation regarding his true mate. He desperately tried to grasp a coherent thought, even the nonsensical kind, but his mind went into a whirlwind. He wasn't sure what to think and what to believe. This stranger just showed up in his home and claimed something about magic and his true mate at the same time, that there was a connection between them somehow, but that couldn't be it right?
Edward gulped down the rock that had formed in his throat and he could feel it dropping in the pit of his stomach with a loud and resounding clang. Usually, vampires kept to themselves and to their allies, never interfering with humans aside from hunting them. It helped keep their anonymity and stop whatever messy consequence would occur. But humans with magic easily accessible in their hands? That was an entirely different matter altogether. He wasn't entirely ignorant; he knew about magic. As old as he was, he had witnessed many things in the last century and that included the magical folk. He also knew how dangerous those people were and had witnessed it firsthand.
He and his family had encountered them back in the 1940's, back in World War II, when the Three Kings of the Volturi allied themselves to a wizard named Grindelwald who was hellbent in taking over the world. Their family, considered an ally by the Volturi, didn't have a choice but to fight in a war that wasn't their own and for someone that they didn't know. Those were one of the darkest times in their lives as they witnessed seemingly innocent individuals fight against their own people with nothing more than a stick. They watched as their own kind burst in flames that came out of nowhere while others had been decapitated with a flash of purple light. It was a horrifying sight, one that still triggered something in Edward even after many years had passed.
Their side hadn't won, something that the Volturi still hadn't accepted until now. Edward knew that the Volturi planned to keep an alliance with the magical folk through Grindelwald but then the wizard got himself captured and incapacitated, damning the vampire kind in the process. Vampires were already classified as dark creatures in their world but when allied by a dark wizard, the victors of the war deemed them untrustworthy to the wizard kind. A magical contract prevented the vampires from biting and turning one of the magical folk which was a moot point since no vampire was stupid enough to bite them. Even Aro, whose greed ran as deep as the Pacific ocean, would never dare turn a magical folk after his failed attempts.
That's why when another dark wizard named Lord Voldemort tried to recruit vampires almost a decade ago, only rogues and nomads joined him. The Volturi and their allies remained neutral in the war since they didn't want to make the same mistakes twice. Edward was relieved that he and his family didn't have to fight in a war again. Immortal they might be but that didn't mean that they couldn't be killed. Even Jasper, who had been the most bloodthirsty among them, had felt a sense of relief. Out of all of them, Jasper was liable to lose control and after he had a setback after the war, they couldn't afford any more mishaps. Magic was something they never thought or talked about again aside from that one time when Lord Voldemort rose into power.
There was absolutely no way that Hermione would neglect to inform him something as important magic. She would tell him, right?
But then again, he swallowed the dryness in his mouth, how well did he know Hermione anyway?
Edward knew that he made the decision to wait, to be patient with Hermione and let her reveal the truth on her own. But then she lied to his family as well and then he was too afraid to lose her than know the truth. He wondered if some part of him was simply afraid of losing her or if he knew in his subconscious that the truth was more than he could handle so he tried to make excuses to put it off. Now here was Sanguini, offering the truth freely, and he was beyond tempted to take it because if this was the truth, if Hermione truly had connections with magic, then Edward could no longer afford to be patient or be afraid.
It had struck Edward then that this was it; this was the time where they would get the answers to the questions that had plagued their minds. Here was a male who could give them the answers that they'd been trying to pull from Hermione. After several weeks of playing hide-and-seek, they were now at show-and-tell. He was nearly at the end of his wits with anticipation but he couldn't deny he also felt like he betrayed Hermione for getting answers without her knowing. It was the bond that had reminded Edward of his loyalty to his true mate, but what choice did he have?
Could she blame him when she had hidden so much that distrust had festered and ruined them both? When the pain inside of him was still fresh as it tore him apart? When all he could think about was the love that she held and coveted for a mortal man that she would never see or hold again? Could she blame him when so much more was at stake?
"The vampires don't concern themselves with human and wizard affairs," said Edward, his throat tight and his body trembling as he fought for control, for some semblance of sanity inside of him. "Especially wizard affairs."
Sanguini smiled lightly. "Except for the liaison of vampires and wizards. The liaison is the only one who can approach and meddle with the magical folk to avoid any bloodshed."
Edward froze. Was Hermione the liaison? "Hermione—"
"No," Sanguini cut Edward off with a shake of his head. "Hermione is not the liaison; I am the liaison. Why do you think that the Volturi Kings fear me?" He chuckled under his breath. "I have grasps between both worlds that are separated by a very thin, very fragile wall. One wrong move could end our existence as we know it."
"What does Hermione have to do with magic then?" Alice spoke, amber eyes glinting with worry. 'Is Hermione okay? Is she in danger? Does the magical folk have something against her?' She moved closer to Jasper as though he could ward off her growing concern and fears.
Sanguini cocked his head to the side, staring over at them with pensive eyes. He looked thoughtful and a bit forlorn which was odd. From what Edward could tell awhile ago, he'd been amused and entertained by their cluelessness. Now, he seemed a bit sad for them. Edward wondered why that was. Was he sad because the vampire that he considered his daughter, Edward's true mate, had lied and deceived them and kept them in the dark? Did he pity them for their ignorance? He flenched his fists as he gritted his teeth, rage crackling inside of him. They— he did not want his pity.
He wanted answers and if Hermione wasn't going to give them soon, then Sanguini was his next best option.
"How strange. How curious. Hermione truly hadn't said anything then," he mused aloud then smiled faintly at Alice. "Everything that Hermione is has something to do with magic, Miss Alice." Then he landed his gaze on Edward. "When she came to me many weeks ago, telling me that she had found her true mate, I admit that I had been shocked. We never thought that it was possible for her to have a true mate."
"Why?" Edward asked, bewilderment leaking from his voice. Better to be confused than to be angry or afraid.
"Because she is not us," Sanguini answered, his voice light and his face unreadable. "She is something else entirely. Surely you've noticed how different she is, how she lacks the warning signs of a predator, how her skin radiates warmth, how human she acts compared to the rest of us?"
"What is she, then?" Rosalie asked, her beautiful face hard although no one missed how tightly she was being held by Emmett as though he was keeping her from falling apart. 'Oh my God, what's going on? Who is Hermione anyway? Was she a danger to the family after all?' "Why is she so different from the rest of us?"
Edward unconsciously held his breath as he waited for his response. The pain had shredded him inside and left him raw. And maybe that was why he dared Sanguini with his eyes to reveal them the truth of who Hermione Granger truly was.
Sanguini cocked his head to the side, meeting his challenge with a pensive stare. "Because she is a hybrid of a vampire... and a witch."
Time simply stopped. Numbness infused his whole body as his eyes and mouth froze wide open in disbelief and surprise. Everyone of them were stunned into silence, too horrified to move. Edward tried to recall how to move, how to breathe, how to speak, but his brain paused— it went blank and then restarted like an overused computer. He was unable to comprehend what Sanguini just revealed and his mind could only convey shock and denial. Sanguini must be lying because there was absolutely no way that Hermione was a hybrid. There was never a hybrid to begin with, much less a vampire and a witch. Because it couldn't be, could it?
No witch or wizard had ever been turned because their blood was poisoned for vampires. During the war, Aro had tried turning a few wizards that they imprisoned into vampires in order to add them in his collection of guards. He and his brothers were fascinated with magic and wanted to use them as their own weapons to give them more power. Their plans were thwarted when they discovered that, just like werewolves, the blood of the magical folk was potent to vampires.
The magic in their blood was like poison that was triggered severely if mixed with vampire venom. The vampires who tried to turn wizards had died, the same as the bitten victims. The risks were too great so Aro never tried or considered it again, and then the magical contract had ensured that he'd never make an attempt again. Since then, vampires never intervened or mingled with wizard kind again which suited each parties perfectly. There was no love lost between vampires and wizards.
And now Sanguini was claiming to them that Hermione had been a witch— was still a witch— a hybrid of a witch and a vampire. An immortal who could do magic.
It had to be some kind of a joke, some sort of lie. It just wasn't possible. It couldn't be!
Denial infused in his mind, in his core, and he began shaking his head. That was impossible. He was speaking of preposterous things! Hermione wasn't— she wasn't—
"No," he blurted out, his voice catching. He looked at Sanguini's crimson eyes, denial corded in every muscle, every line, and every hard plane of his body. Deny, deny, deny, deny. "No, you're lying. That isn't possible."
Sanguini stared back at him with an indifference mask on his face. "I have no reason to lie," he said, his words enunciated carefully, his tongue flicking against his long teeth.
"You must be!" Edward snarled and was promptly held back by Alice as soon as he started towards him, as if she knew that he would beat, tear, shred, cleave, and rip apart the answers from him with his bare hands if he ever came close. "Hermione would never hide something like this from me!"
His family watched them quietly, never interfering, as Edward struggled within himself, at the knowledge that his true mate — strong, fragile, deceiving mate — had been their enemy— was still their enemy. Even Jasper didn't interfere when his abilities were direly needed. All thoughts came like a passing blur in his head until he could not distinguish his own thoughts from theirs, could not even decipher the feelings that coursed through his veins like fire burning him from inside and out.
"Are you certain about that?" Sanguini countered back easily, smoothly, as though the whole world wasn't shaking under Edward's feet. "You do not know who the true Hermione Granger is, Edward Cullen. You only know of the vampire that she had become, not the witch she was before."
"Stop saying that! Hermione is not a witch!"
"Again," Sanguini slid his eyes away from him, "are you certain about that? Do you think that she truly trusted you enough to tell you?"
Edward opened his mouth to answer— and then faltered, his rising anger skidded into a halt. Sanguini's questions went through his mind then blew and left a hole in his chest. He staggered back, the air leaving his lungs and escaping his body as if he'd been punched in the stomach. He didn't move; none of them did. No one even dared to speak a word.
'Do you think that she trusted you enough to tell you?'
Did she? Did she really trust him?
Edward wanted to answer yes, that she did, but he knew that he'd be lying to himself if he thought that she did. All throughout this past several weeks, he had done nothing but show her that she could trust him but then he remembered Hermione's behavior the first time he met her. The way she said that she never expected to find a true mate, the obvious secrets that she was keeping, and the way she avoided personal and revealing questions. Edward knew something was wrong; Jasper has confirmed that she was omitting the truth from them; but all he wanted her to do was trust him enough to tell him.
But she never trusted him in the first place. All this time, she had never trusted him enough to let him in.
A witch, he thought numbly, his jaw clenching. She was one of the magical folk, the very people who could overpower them without even touching them. The very people who had become their enemies because the Volturi Kings had chosen to ally themselves with the wrong side of the war and they had paid the price severely.
A vampire who could do magic. The world was truly a terrible thing.
But that wasn't possible. It couldn't be possible.
And yet—
He could feel the phantom feeling of Hermione's warmth that caressed his skin like a lover. It trailed across his skin and left a blazing path that could not be extinguished. It was a blatant reminder of how different she was, of what she truly was. It was a warning that beyond her warmth were poisonous secrets that burned when it was touched, the same secrets that Sanguini was now offering to them. All evidences were written across Hermione's skin, from the color of her eyes when she was hungry to her warmth and to the lack of predatory signs that made her blend perfectly with the humans. All throughout the weeks he'd gotten to know her, all he wanted was the truth, but this was bigger than what he had expected. This was something else, something that had knocked him off his feet and left him broken on the floor.
He had walked into this blindly with no light in sight and now he knew he could never hope for a light again. His chest had been torn wide open, leaving him exposed, raw and bleeding but empty— so empty of anything that was him and Hermione. Some part of him screamed and thrashed, unwilling to hear the damning truth about his true mate, begging him to stop this torture that he had inflicted on himself. Other parts of him were muted, cold— numb. It no longer knew how to feel again as it was coated in betrayal so thick that it suffocated him. But he still wanted to know— he wanted to the truth and he damned himself to this knowledge.
The knowledge that he had never known Hermione after all, that the female he came to love was a stranger to him.
"Tell me," he said — commanded — his voice imperiously calm even as the torment of his emotions stewed inside of him, threatening to unleash the inhumane strength he possessed to the nearest person foolish enough to stop him. "Tell me who Hermione Granger is."
For a moment, no one spoke. Then—
There was knocking on the door and her voice could be heard at the other side of the wood.
"Edward? Are you in there?"
Soft voice, worry and concern coating the pitch of every letter and syllable of every word— and his name.
Hermione's voice rang in every corner of the glass walls, and in every cracked part of Edward's damned being. He gritted his teeth, his chest squeezing tightly with the knowledge that she was here — and there was no escaping the confrontation that was about to occur. The moment of truth had arrived and it was from the mouth of the deceiver herself. For a second, he couldn't help but mourn his ignorance. He was happier with her when he hadn't known the truth, when he hadn't found out that she was in love with a green-eyed mortal boy, when he could just be himself and she could just be Hermione.
Hermione— who was a witch and a vampire. The most dangerous predator in the planet.
"Edward?" The knocking started again. "Please, I need to talk to you."
Edward started moving in his own accord, even as Rosalie glared at him and ordered him 'not to let that bitch in' in her thoughts. But he didn't listen to her and chose to listen to his instincts instead. The very instincts that had declared Hermione as his and that Edward was hers. His mind protested and seethed in repressed anger but his dead, un-beating heart sang and purred. Because this was the female he loved but who was also a stranger to him. She came here, when he had ran away from her like a coward in the forest. She wanted — needed — to talk and maybe this time, he could finally grasp the truth from her.
So he opened the door and looked straight into her eyes that were already looking back at him. Such beautiful golden eyes that he had first seen in Alice's vision but had ensnared him the first time she gazed at him. He was reminded yet again of how lovely she looked, how enchanting it was to gaze at her long curls that glistened under the moonlight, and how easy it was to lost himself in her golden eyes that lit up like the sun even in the dark. Looking at Hermione was like looking at fire— entrancing you with its dancing flames, beckoning you with its heat, and enthralling you with its embers. And no matter how many times you reminded yourself of the danger it possessed, you held on even if it meant killing yourself in the end.
That was Hermione. The woman he loved and the one that had deceived him. Even knowing her lies and the extent that she went through to hide them from him, he still longed to be with her. He still wanted to touch and hold her, to witness her smile, be the reason for her joy, and hear her laugh. But as much as he loved her — wanted her to the brink of desperation — the pain was as overwhelming as that love. It came hurdling full force like a meteor, slamming into him so hard that it wrecked havoc inside of him. He couldn't handle the knee sinking ache just by being in her presence. It hurt to look at her, knowing what she'd done to him—to them both. It was devastating to be in her presence and be prohibited to touch her. It was hard to look at her and remember that she could never be his.
So he locked away that part of himself that coveted her, that was devoted to her beyond measurable doubt, that was in awe of her beauty and brilliance, that had fallen in love with her without conscious thought of the consequences it would befell them both. He poured his love, his desperation, and his devotion, inside an unbreakable jar and closed it with a tight seal. It left him hollow inside so he began bathing himself in agony, pain, sorrow, and rage until he could no longer distinguish his love for her, could no longer wade in the emptiness that left his body a husk. Cold— numb— those were two things he had embraced and let it slither across his bones and to the very surface of his skin.
"Edward." She sounded and looked relieved but seeing his unreadable face, she faltered and paused. "Edward?"
The bronze-haired vampire didn't speak but let his wintry eyes speak for him. You are not welcome here, his eyes said. Leave before I break you, his silence conveyed. Her eyes flickered, the light dimming until it was a muted glow. She opened her mouth but then Edward stepped aside and whatever it was she meant to say died as soon as she saw Sanguini with them.
Her eyes went wide and it flashed with anger and fear. She wasn't looking at anyone else, not even at Rosalie's hostile eyes, Carlisle's, Emmett's, and Jasper's wary ones, and Esme's and Alice's heartbroken ones. She looked at Sanguini and then at Edward and then back at Sanguini. And then suddenly, she was no longer standing across Edward but was now standing across Sanguini, her razor sharp focus preventing her from feeling the tension that gathered in the air and threatened to choke them all. Edward let the door shut, his eyes hooded as he watched her interaction with the liaison of wizards and vampires. Let the moment of truth arrive.
"What are you doing here?" She breathed out, breathless due to surprise and the realization that one of her guardians was inside the Cullen residence.
Sanguini's cunning eyes softened and he opened his arms as though to welcome her in an embrace. "Mia figlia," he said, his voice so similar to Carlisle's whenever he addressed them. Sanguini genuinely thought of her as part of his family. "I had not received word from you in many weeks now and I got impatient."
"You're not supposed to be here," she uttered quietly. There was alarm in her voice and panic lacing her tone. "What are you doing here, Sanguini? What—" She stilled and then slowly, eerily calmly, asked, "What have you told them?"
"Nothing but the truth!" It was not Sanguini but Rosalie who answered— snarled at Hermione. Her baleful eyes could've burned her on the spot. "He told us more than you did!"
"Rosalie," Esme said, pleading her to shut her mouth and keep herself quiet, to stay out of a fight that wasn't hers.
Rosalie opened her mouth but a look from Carlisle had stopped her. Even in her anger, she still didn't want to disrespect Carlisle.
Hermione continued ignoring them as she fixed all of her focus on her pseudo-father, eyes dark and feral. "You told them."
It wasn't entirely a question but Sanguini nodded nonetheless.
"How could you!" Hermione snarled, her small body lunging at Sanguini and her delicate hands grabbing the collar of his robes, bringing him forward until they were eye level. The wrath inside of her manifested into tremors that shook her body. "You have no right! You have no right to tell them!"
"No right?" Edward couldn't help but intervene. He started marching toward her, his golden eyes flashing with rage. It was all he could do not to haul her against him and shake her. Shake her because she had confirmed to them that what Sanguini had said was true, that she truly did have magic, and she had lied to them about it. "What about us, Hermione? What about me? Do we have the right to be given the truth?"
Hermione released Sanguini to face him, looking contrite and beseeching at the same time. "Edward... you have to understand—"
"No more lies, Hermione." There was something ominous darkening Edward's voice that they hadn't missed. He'd been nothing but understanding and patient to her, so lost in his fear to lose her, but there were no longer any room for lies. "No more hiding. It's time for you to tell us the truth once and for all."
She paused, looked at the other occupants in the room, and then quickly darted her gaze at the floor. "I never wanted you to find out this way."
"He said no more lies," Jasper interrupted with steel in his voice and eyes, holding Alice as though he could physically shield her from her pain.
Hermione's throat moved then she looked at Edward with a strange glint in her eyes. "I never wanted you to find out in the first place," she confessed quietly as though it would soften the blow of her words.
Edward wavered and the pain reared its ugly head again. "What?" He uttered, breathless.
"I never wanted you to find out the truth." She took a step to move closer to him but stopped and held herself back as though she could see what her confession had done to him. "I never wanted you to know."
"So all this time, you wanted to lie to us? For how long, Hermione? How long are you going to fool us?"
"I wasn't trying to fool you, Edward—"
"Then what were trying to do?!" Edward screamed.
Hermione slammed her mouth shut, eyes burning with so many emotions flashing all at once. "You don't understand," she said, deathly quiet. "I didn't tell you the truth about me, about my origin, because I thought I would never go back to that world again. So there was no point telling you about a past that no longer concerns me. Why bother telling you the truth about my life before that I can no longer revisit again? It's pointless, Edward, so I kept it quiet and never mention it again. Then it went easier to just forget about it and pretend that I was not who I was before."
Edward couldn't believe what he was hearing. He wanted to laugh at the arrogance and conviction of her words but at the same time, he wanted to scream at her because of it. Who was this woman standing in front of him, telling him she never intended for him to learn about her past because it was pointless?
"Do you know how hard it is to be with you and know that you were lying to me? I knew you were hiding something and I wanted badly to know the truth but I was so scared of losing you that I never bothered to ask for it. I was patient, Hermione, because I didn't want you to run away when I ask you to tell me the truth but now you're telling me that you never intended to tell me in the first place? Everything I've done was for you and for us and yet I failed to see that you didn't feel the same way."
Her shoulders slumped, her eyes softening. "Edward..."
"What more are you hiding from us, Hermione?" Edward demanded, his jaw clenched tightly enough to break his bones. "Tell us. No more hiding. No more lies."
Hermione gulped and a flash of remorse entered her eyes. "I... I have the ability to look into your eyes and see your entire life."
Edward froze. "What?"
No... no...
She wrung her wrists and closed her eyes, looking resigned. "I could look into someone's eyes and see all of their past memories, forgotten or otherwise. In the wizarding world, it's called Legilimency. It's the ability to look into someone's mind and see their memories. I could also touch an object, living or nonliving, and know information stored in that object."
He felt as though the whole world was giving out under his feet. If he thought that her magic was a terrible secret, this one stabbed him in the chest and instantly killed him. He wanted to scream until his lungs burned and his throat was bleeding raw. From the moment he met her and learned that he couldn't hear her thoughts, he had agonized about the fact that he couldn't use his abilities on her. He was frustrated beyond imaginable doubt that the one person he wanted to get to know, the mind that he wanted to figure out the most, had an impenetrable shield protecting it. His pride had been bruised when his abilities failed when it came to her. And somehow, he had learned to accept it, enthusiastically trying to get to know her without the aid of his abilities.
He had accepted it and welcomed it and had been thrilled when he rationalize that it was a good thing that he couldn't hear her thoughts because he felt as though he was cheating if he was. He had thought that they were getting to know each other the human way, like Carlisle and Esme, like Rosalie and Emmett, and like Alice and Jasper. He'd been happy about it, happy to learn all about her through her mouth itself. Then all this time, she could see through his mind and knew instantly what he had seen, heard, and thought about. She had seen the darkness and bitterness of his being and she never spoke a word about it. She knew him—and he never knew her.
The betrayal choked him. Fuck, he'd been played like a fool and he had been happy while she was fooling him. Could he get any more stupid and pathetic?
"And you never, not once, even thought of telling us that?" His words were drawn out tightly from his throat as though it took sheer will for it to come out.
"I was going to tell you," she replied, crying out her words. "Everyday I told myself to tell you but I never got the courage to. I wanted to, Edward, believe me—"
"I don't know what to believe anymore! You lied to us, Hermione!" Edward snapped. "You lied to us when we wanted nothing more than to open our home to you! We wanted nothing more than to welcome you into our family and be one of us! Fuck, you made us love you! You made me love you!"
Her breath hitched and Edward stilled at his unexpected confession. He didn't want her to know, not now when everything about them was falling apart, not now when there wasn't even a chance that she could love him back.
"I..." she trailed off, unable to find the right words to say.
He ignored the pang that went through his chest. "You played me like a fool, Hermione. Was any of the past few weeks even real? Or did you just conveniently used magic on me to make me believe that it was? Or did you used your abilities on me to mess with me further?"
"I never—!" She snarled but then stopped herself before uttering calmly, "I never casted any kind of spell or curse at you and your family. I never used magic here in Forks, not once, and I never used my abilities on you. I'm offended that you would think that way about me."
"Can you blame me?" Edward seethed. "You brought this on us, Hermione. I don't even know who you are anymore."
She blanched and clutched her stomach as though his words had been a physical blow to her. "No, Edward," she said, eyes stricken and pleading at him to listen to her. "Edward, you know me. You know who I am. I'm still Hermione. I'm still me. Yes, I have magic but it doesn't change who I really am."
God, he wanted desperately to believe her. He wanted nothing more than to erase that expression from her face and hold her until the end of time but he stopped himself because he knew now that he couldn't hold her and erase her pain when he couldn't even erase his own.
"As far as I know, I don't know who the real Hermione is," he said, ice etched in the inflection of his voice. "This woman in front me? She's a stranger to me. A stranger who lied to me and used me and my family. A stranger who took advantage of my love and took me for granted." His expression darkened. "Not anymore. So, say whatever you have to say to us then leave and don't come back."
"Edward, let's not be hasty." He heard Carlisle saying behind him but he ignored him.
"You are making a mistake," Sanguini warned but Edward ignored him too.
Hermione staggered back, her mouth agape and her expression was one of stricken horror. He heard Esme gasping behind him and knew that Alice was drilling holes in the back of his head, knew that they didn't want her to leave them. Edward ignored them and blocked out their thoughts. Couldn't they tell how hard it was for him to say it? How much it was killing him to say those words even as they left his mouth? Even with her dangerous secret out, even knowing that she was fooling him all along, Edward still couldn't find it within himself to reject her. But he had mustered the strength to make her leave and never come back.
Because while he loved her, he was also now wary of her. He still hadn't gotten over the fact that she could look into their eyes and see their entire lives, worries, fears, and secrets. Magic was an unknown element in their world and Edward didn't know what she was capable of doing now that she was a vampire who could do magic. He had his family to think about, his coven to protect. He feared what she would do to them and what he would retaliate if she hurt one of them. At the same time, he feared losing her and agonized the next millennia without her by his side.
He was scared of losing her and yet he still lost her in the end.
Hermione shook her head, her lips trembling as her eyes shined. Even in pain, she looked devastatingly beautiful. "You don't mean that," she whispered, her voice breaking. "You don't... you don't mean that."
"Is that all you have to say?" His voice was devoid of any warm feelings whatsoever. All it was now was an empty space of air and sound.
She paused and a noise that could be a sob escaped her mouth. Sanguini stepped closer to her with a look of concern in his aristocratic face. Edward closed his eyes and thought of himself as a rock. No one could break him anymore. Not even Hermione. Everyone was waiting for someone to move, to speak, but the oppressive silence continued until—
"My name is Hermione Jean Granger," she started in a broken whisper, "and I was born on September 19, 1979. I was named after Shakespeare's Winter's Tale and my mother because my mother loved Shakespeare and my father loved my mother to give me her name. They were dentists and made me believe that I could move mountains if I willed it enough. They were the best in everything and they made believe that I could be the best in everything too. They loved me and never once stopped that love even when strange things occur around me. Then they found out that I was a witch and they loved me even more. But in the Wizarding World, things were different."
Edward snapped his eyes open and looked at her but she wasn't looking at him.
"I strived to be the best but it was never enough. I was in a strange world with no one to guide me and the only way I could cope in this world were my books and my love for magic."
She was... she was finally telling the truth to them.
"I was lonely, so incredibly lonely because no one wanted to befriend me. I was overbearing and overzealous, too clever and uptight, and could never do anything but follow the rules. They never knew that I couldn't disobey the rules because I was afraid if I broke them, they'll cast me out back in the Muggle world and make me forget about magic. And I loved magic. Loved it enough to stay, loved it enough to endure their harsh words and treatment, loved it enough even when I was lonely and sad, and wished that I could be back with my parents again. I loved magic even when some people made me believe that I was worthless and nothing more than vermin. Then..." She closed her eyes and breathed out, "Then I met Ron and Harry, and everything changed."
She clenched her jaw and he saw how much it pained her to continue on but she still did. "Everything changed somehow for the better and for the worse. But it was okay because for once, I had a reason to continue on because there were people who accepted me for who I am. I would do everything in my power to keep them in my life even if it meant breaking every rule imaginable. I took that risk, I faced my fears, because I wanted to keep them in my life. They gave me a reason to look forward each day because I knew they were there with me and I was never going to be lonely again. Even though they got me in trouble most of the time, they never did their homework on their own, they ignored me for the things I did for them and things I made them do, and continuously took me for granted, I stayed because I couldn't imagine a life without them, because I don't want to go back to a life of loneliness again. But then Voldemort came back and things turned for the worst."
She looked at him then, her expression hard, and Edward listened in silent horror as she told her story, as she told them the truth that she'd been hiding from all of them this entire time. He listened as she recounted the horrors she encountered from the moment she stepped foot in the Wizarding World. He listened as she told the story of Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, and Voldemort, the darkest wizard in Wizarding Britain. He listened as she told them about the people she loved, cherished, and protected, but ultimately left behind. He listened as she told them a story of a different world, in a different time, with so much affection and pain in her voice. He listened, unable to look away and un-hear what she said, even as his mind screamed at her to stop.
Then his heart broke when she spoke of the war, and it continued to break when she told them what she did for them and what she had to do to keep Harry alive, to give him the chance to survive. She told them about a story of a girl who made her parents forget their own daughter to make them leave. She told them about the girl who gave all of her love to a boy who didn't choose her the first time but then chose her on the time when it mattered the most. She told them about a girl who gave all of her entire being and self to two people but learned that it was never enough.
And Edward realized how wrong he was. Because while Hermione loved Harry, it was the same love that he had for Carlisle, Esme, and the rest of his family. Hermione offered to die with him and Edward understood why she did it because he would've done the same thing with his family. Yet the pain hadn't lessened; it lingered inside of him with a brand new companion called guilt.
She lowered her eyes to her left arm and Edward watched as she trailed a finger on the inside of her arm. "Mudbloods," she whispered, then smiled without humor. "That's what they call to people like me. Wizards with the oldest lineage, Purebloods, thought we weren't worthy of magic. They believed that we stole the magic from them and that our blood weren't pure. Mud. Blood. Dirty blood. We were nothing but animals meant to kill for them. They called me the Brightest Witch of the Age, the Champion of Muggleborns, and the Protector of Mistreated Creatures, because I am those three at once and my existence in particular is a huge threat to them because I was the proof that not all Muggleborns are unworthy. I was stronger and more in touch with my magic than their Pureblood children and that's why they wanted me dead."
"For seven years," she said quietly, "I fought against the people who thought I was unworthy and against a world who thought I never belonged. I fought in a war to make them see that I do belong, that I am worthy of my magic, that I am worth something and more than vermin, that I am a human being and I deserved to be treated as such. It wasn't entirely about pride but it was about the people who are like me, who never thought that they have a place in the Wizarding World, and I fought for them. I fought so they can have a place in this world, so that they'd never feel what I felt. I fought in a war to make them see that those people who belittled us were wrong." She looked at him and gravely said, "And I won."
Her expression crumbled and Edward wondered if this was what it was like to look at a broken woman. "But look at me," she said, her voice small like a child. There were no tears in her eyes but her breath hitched as she sobbed. "Look at what I have become. I fought for that world to have a place in it. I fought in a war to protect the people I love. But it doesn't matter in the end because look at where I am now. I knew that there was a possibility that I wasn't going to survive but this— this kind of survival is cruel. I was bitten in the war and because they couldn't risk losing me, they let the venom infect me, not even knowing that there was a big possibility that I was going to end up dead. But they did it; they took the risk because like me, they wanted to keep me; they wanted me to stay with them; they wanted me to live even if it meant I'd become a creature of the night. But all of their efforts and mine had been for naught. Yes, I survived, I still have magic, but I can never be with them because I desire magical blood more than non-magical ones. So, in the end, I have to leave them and then I have to be alone again."
"You cannot imagine the devastation that I felt at knowing that I can never be with the people I love. I have my magic, I survived the turn, but what was the point if I couldn't even be with them in the end? What kind of existence is this? I belong to two worlds but I have no place in them. I have magic and yet, all that serves is to remind me of a life I lost and trying to run away from. It's like I'm stuck in a nightmare and I can't wake up. It's like being strangled to death but I can't die. But I want to. Merlin, I want to die every day since I was forced to become like this. Sometimes, I wonder why I still have magic, why I was made like this. Magic has always been like a blessing to me but in the end, it became like a curse. This isn't just torture, this felt like punishment and for the life of me, I don't have an idea why I am being punished like this."
"Everyday, I ask and wonder, 'why me?' Why me when I just wanted a better future for people like me? Why me when all I wanted was to prove to them that I am one of them, when all I wanted was for them to accept me? Why continue to punish me like this? What did I do to deserve this kind of half life? What did I do wrong? I ask that time and time again but I still can't find the answer. I have people who loved me. I have people who counted on me. I have people who knew me and who I was and I lost them. They were my people. Mine. And now I can't be with them without wanting to kill them and it's like I betrayed them. Everyday, I kill myself thinking what I could've done, if I could've done something differently. Everyday, I die a little thinking about the people who are wishing that I am with them but I'm not. I torture myself day by day, wondering where they are now, if they're happy, and if they missed me as much as I missed them. Because I miss them every single day and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about them. I didn't want to leave them; I never wanted to leave them. But I have to. I have to do it for them because everything that I have ever done is because of them and for them."
"I fought in a war to be with the people I love and in the end, it was all for nothing. They all talk about me like I'm dead even though I'm still here. I am stuck in this immortal body while they are living their lives, far away from me, aging every second of the day. They will wrinkle and grow old while I remain the same in this eighteen years old body. They'll die while I live young and beautiful forever. But that isn't what I want. It has never been what I want. All I wanted— needed— was to be with them. That's it. That's all I've ever wanted. I didn't even care if we lost the war as long as I don't see them suffer. But then, we don't always get what we want. I've given everything to them and now I'm left with nothing at all. It wasn't supposed to be this way. I wanted to free House Elves; I wanted to stop discrimination against giants, werewolves, centaurs, and even vampires. Merlin, I have so many plans and so many things to do for the Wizarding World once the war was over and yet, I am unable to do them. I wanted peace and yet I am unable to get it. I want to let go, and yet I don't. I want to go back and yet, I can't. So," she whimpered, "where does that leave me now?"
Edward clenched his fists, his whole body trembling, the gnawing hole in his chest growing until it became a bottomless pit of pain, hers and his. He wanted to go to her but his feet remained rooted on the floor, refusing to move. He was afraid if he took a step closer to her, then he'd succumb to the volatile emotions coursing through him.
"Don't you see how hard it is for me? You don't know. You don't know how hard it is to live like this. I'm stuck with no idea where to go and what to do. I had a bright future before but now I'm stuck in the middle, unable to go back and unable to go forward. It's so hard to go forward when I don't even know which direction to go and how to find it. My life had been interrupted and I can never get back on track. Now, all I want is to find a home. All I want is a place to belong, to feel something other than this bitter loneliness inside of me. All I want is to find something good for once when everything had been taken away from me, when I have nothing left to give, when I have lost so much in so little time. And then... and then... and then I found you and it's like a dream come true." Her golden eyes landed on him, shining so bright it might as well be the sun itself. But deep within, there was an endless pool of misery that for once, she didn't conceal. "It's like having all of my wishes answered for once, like all the suffering I went through was worth it just to have a second with you, like being in a dream so perfect that I don't want to wake up. For once, I have something good in my life, and he's standing in front of me and all he wants is a chance. But I'm so afraid. I lost so much that I can't afford to lose another again."
Edward closed his eyes, his whole body trembling with so many emotions all playing at once. If he could cry, he would, just to let out all the pain inside of him.
"I'm afraid that once I get attached, you'd leave! I'm afraid that once I open myself to you and let you in, someone will take you away from me! That the minute, the very second, that I allow myself to be happy for once, and have hope, the world decides that I'm not allowed to be happy and then something will happen to you and you'll be taken away from me! I'm so used to being alone and feeling alone that I forgot what it's like to have someone and how easy it can be to steal that away from me. Because people always leave," Hermione had said to him that time in the forest. It was the first time that she had let him in and Edward never knew how deep her pain and fears went.
He never knew and now he was facing the consequences of his own ignorance.
"I've already resigned myself to a lonely existence," she continued, "and I was prepared for that. I thought to myself that if I get used to it, then maybe it wouldn't be so painful anymore. Maybe, if I'm alone, then I'm not reminded of how much I lost. Merlin, I was so prepared, that when you came along, I wanted to run and leave. All my fears woke up and I knew that I couldn't afford to be vulnerable again. But then— you were so persistent. You came and decided to want me. All of me even when I have nothing left in me. Even when I tried to push you away, even when I tried to warn you to stay away, even when I clearly don't deserve you, you didn't give up, and it feels so good, so perfect to have someone fighting for me again, to have someone to catch me for once, and take away all the agony in my life. You were everything I wanted to have all at once and it's so hard to resist something that you wanted for so long. So, I tried. I tried hard to open up to you, to let you in, but I'm afraid that once you realize that there is nothing inside me aside from a parody of a woman I used to be, you'll leave me and never come back, and then where would I be again? I don't want that to happen. I'm afraid that it would happen because you've shown me a life where I can be happy, Edward. A life where I don't have to suffer in silence anymore and it's a beautiful life that I never thought I deserve. I want that life and I want you so much."
"But," she sobbed, clutching her chest as though she was trying to hold her heart together, trying to prevent it from shattering on their feet, "now you know the truth and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I lied to you and your family; I'm sorry for hiding the truth from you and everyone else; I'm sorry for hurting you and your family. I didn't tell you, not because you don't deserve it, you do, but because I didn't want to taint this new life with my bitterness and agony. I thought if I don't mention my past, it can go away like it never existed. But I should've known that the truth will come out, one way or another, and I'm so sorry that you found out this way. I'd like to pretend that within time, I can tell you the truth, but I know that I can't. I can't because it hurts too much and I can't handle the pain anymore. And I'm so— so sorry, Edward, that I'm not who you thought I was, that I'm not the perfect girl you see me as. I'm just me. I'm just Hermione... and I already know that I can never be enough." She attempted to smile but there was no life or heart in it. It was only a parody of a smile that could never be real. "And for the life of me, Edward, even though I can see everyone's entire life once I look into their eyes, for some reason I can never see yours."
Edward sucked in a breath, stunned. What?
"So, that's it," she said, defeated and withdrawn. No more life; no more energy to spent. She was no more than an empty shell. She had given everything and now she was left with nothing. "That's all I have left to say."
Then she was gone.
And Edward faced the terrible, terrible realization that she would never come back again.