Phoebe's Brain
Freshman Year - October
Phoebe scurried down the school clutching three applications in her hands. She found Helga and Lila waiting for her in their usual spot.
"Hey Phoebs."
"Um..."
Lila and Helga looked at Phoebe, waiting for her to complete her thought. Various scenarios detailing how to make her request ran through her head.
Helga quickly lost patience. "What is that?" She must have noticed the paper in her hands.
"These are applications... for an extracurricular activity."
"What extracurricular activity?" Lila asked.
"Academic team. They need smart people and I think I'd be good..."
"Sounds great, Phoebs," Helga said in her usual disinterested tone. "You should go for it."
"I'm oh too sure that's perfect for you."
"If I were to be accepted to the team my schedule would be quite occupied, especially during the spring semester." Phoebe dug her toe into the ground. "I wouldn't get to see you guys nearly as much."
"That's... okay. We're..." Lila's eyes went to Helga. "both still certain you should join, Right, Helga?"
Helga's eyes we're slowly widening and she was holding her breath.
"However, there are three spots available. I was thinking we could join together. That way we could be together during our study time."
Helga relaxed. "I don't know, Phoebs. I was thinking about joining the volleyball team, Bob's paying me to work at the store, and I have a bunch of other stuff going on." Gee, wonder what the 'other stuff' was. "I don't know if I have time."
Phoebe deflated. She didn't want to join without them, but she also really wanted to join. Helga had been her best friend since she could remember.
"I'd love to join with you, Phoebe." Lila beamed a smile at her.
"Really?"
"Yeah it sounds like fun."
"Seriously?" Helga gawked at Lila. "Oh my god, I can't believe I'm about to do this," she murmured, slapping her face.
"Helga y-"
"Okay! Okay! Fine! But if we're gonna do this, we're gonna do this right. You need to be a shark, Phoebe. No more meek 'excuse me, I think I might have the answer' crap. You shove right through the competition and take the win." Helga clenched her fist. "Got it?"
"I think so."
"Ugh! This is what I'm talking about. Don't 'think'. No 'maybe's. No waffling. Take what you want!"
"I want us to go to the library and submit our applications right now."
"And I want waffles. What of it?"
"You... can get waffles... after we go to the library."
Helga only stared at her. Lila had a confused expression.
"Let's go?" Phoebe took a few steps back toward the school. Strangely Lila and Helga followed. Maybe there was something to this 'shark' thing.
Sophomore Year - May
Phoebe's head throbbed with pain. Aspirin was ineffective, she would have to endure the discomfort. She needed to be the best. She had to have the highest grades, nothing short of perfection. Phoebe was the best and she would prove it. Olga Pataki had nothing on her.
"Solve this equation." Phoebe held up a trigonometric function and her team went to work. City-wide finals were only a week away. They needed to be ready.
The graphite in Helga's pencil squeaked on the paper. It grated on Phoebe's teeth, she wondered if Helga was doing it on purpose. She needed to solve the function, not annoy the entire library. Lila worked quietly, but slowly. She had the most trouble with math. They both needed to study. While Phoebe loved her friends, Lila and Helga constantly wanted to do things that had nothing to do with academic success: shopping, sleepovers, watching women's mixed martial arts matches.
Phoebe ran through her day plan in her head again. She had studying with the team until 5, then she needed to practice piano until 7, then meet Gerald for their date, then she needed to finish her homework, and finally get to sleep by 9. She never actually got to sleep by 9, homework always ran until 11 at the earliest. Four AP classes meant at least four hours of homework at the minimum. Sleep was the one thing she could sacrifice. She would already be deficient two hours since she had to be up early for fencing practice with her father.
Her father had insisted on piano lessons. She didn't like the piano, her love had always been for the cello. It's rich sound reminded her of trees with deep roots, very unlike the ones in the city. But her father only gave her the choice of piano or violin, and violin felt like a betrayal.
Siobahn put her pencil down and looked at her work. She chanced a quick glance at Phoebe, then glued her eyes to her paper.
Phoebe was not going to let the girl disappear. "Siobahn, do you have the answer?"
A squeak came from her side of the table.
Phoebe squeezed her pen. "If you have the answer, you should have knocked on the table."
Another squeak. Siobahn sank further into her chair.
Phoebe set her jaw. "What is the answer? And say it loudly."
"seven pi over six." Siobahn whispered.
"I said 'loudly'!"
"Seven Pi Over Six," Siobahn cried. She broke down in tears.
Phoebe rolled her eyes. "How hard was that?"
"Whelp! That was fun, but I need to go," Helga slung her bag over her shoulder and rose from her chair.
"Helga, we still need to practice," Phoebe said.
"It's been two hours and I have an app- stuff to do."
"And, I have a boyfriend waiting for me. We all have 'stuff' to do."
"It's a doctor's appointment, Phoebe."
"That's awfully convenient."
Helga cocked her head. "What is this about, Phoebe? We're going to wipe the floor with those prep-school wussies."
"You are absolutely right. We will. I will make sure of that." Phoebe gave Helga her best glare. "Sit down."
Helga rolled her eyes. "I need to go."
"You NEED to stay." Phoebe stood in Helga's way.
"I have been working arduously for months, years." Why couldn't Helga understand what this meant to her. Helga had been bulldozing her plans for years. Phoebe always had to take it upon herself to force her to take the team seriously, her supposed 'best friend'. "This means everything to me!"
"Everything? You're wasting your life, Phoebe!" Helga shouted. "Who cares about academic decathlon? Who cares how many AP classes you took in high school! It's not worth-"
"How dare you!? I am not wasting my life! My success in high school will get me in to an Ivy League college!"
"And then what!? Study until you fall unconscious!? For what!?"
"Then I get a top position in whatever career I want!"
"And then what!? Work 100 hours a week at a job you will absolutely grow to hate!? Because you know if you don't work 100 hours per week someone else will! Then you'll only be second-best! So you work every hour that you don't sleep! What then!?"
Phoebe squeezed her eyes shut.
"You won't have any time for your family or friends! What's it all for!? Money!? You won't even have a single free second to spend it! Can't take a vacation, someone else might put in more hours than you! So what? You make yourself a slave-"
"Fuck You!" Phoebe shouted. Her voice echoed through the air as if everyone in the world heard her.
Helga snorted.
"If you refuse to take this seriously, then leave!" Phoebe didn't need Helga, she was only holding the team back.
Helga growled. "I don't need this right now."
"Then go."
Helga left the library making a rude gesture over her shoulder.
Phoebe settled back into her seat at the table. "All of you will review trigonometric functions. I want that equation solved in half the time." She allowed herself to take a breath. "Let's move on to Literature." They would need to study harder since they lost their best teammate on the subject.
"Let's take a break," Lila suggested.
Phoebe glared at her. "No."
"Five minutes."
"I'm setting a timer," Phoebe huffed.
The rest of the team looked at their phones. Peter set his forehead on the table, trying to get a moment of respite. Lila led Phoebe out of the library entirely. Once outside, they walked down the sidewalk, around the corner, and down an alley. There was trash and an empty homeless encampment. This was very strange behavior for Lila.
Lila produced a white stick from out of nowhere and put it in her mouth. Then, she produced what had to be, but couldn't be, a lighter, and used it to light the stick on fire. She sucked in through the stick and blew smoke out of her mouth. Phoebe couldn't believe it.
"Lila! I didn't know you smoked cigarettes!"
"I'm certain I don't."
Phoebe pointed out the thing she held between her fingers. "Clearly, you do."
"I don't usually." Lila sighed. "This is only my sixth one."
"Today!?"
"No! Ever." Lila sucked through the cigarette again and blew the smoke out. "I only have one when I get stressed."
"You're stressed about the competition too, huh. Why didn't you say anything to Helga?"
"No. My two best friends are fighting and that makes me just..." Lila closed her eyes and sucked through the cigarette between her lips. "...ever so sad."
"I feel I should remind you how detrimental smoking is for your health. Smoking-"
"Adults just tell us that so we won't try it. Having one every once in a while is fine."
"Until you become addicted."
"So don't get addicted."
There was a long pause. Lila had excellent willpower, however, everything Phoebe had learned about smoking told her addiction was inevitable. Still, Phoebe knew she herself had enough willpower to resist any addiction she might come across. So it was certainly possible Lila could resist as well, especially if she only smoked on occasion.
"Mind if I try it?"
Lila offered the smoldering stick between her index and middle fingers. Phoebe pinched it with her fingertips and cautiously put the end that wasn't burning into her mouth.
She sucked in as hard as she could for less than a second. The smoke burned everything in her mouth, throat, and lungs. She could feel it coming out of her eyes. Phoebe immediately coughed everything out, desperate to get fresh air.
"She's hiding something," Lila said, taking the cigarette back.
"She is usually hiding something."
"Not like this. We can tell when she doesn't want to talk, but she can never manage to hide a secret from us for long." Lila looked strangely sad. "Something's going on."
"What makes you say that?
"She didn't mean anything she said. I mean, she did, but she was reaching out, you know? Trying to tell you something without telling you." Lila took a long puff. "And now she has a surprise doctor's appointment."
"Yeah, I'll believe that when I see the note."
"It's either something really bad or..." Lila took one last puff and dropped the cigarette. "I don't know if we should be worried."
Phoebe's phone alarm sounded, indicating 5 minutes had passed. They needed to get back to practice. True to her word, Lila made her way back inside, Phoebe followed. They took their seats at the table. Her team looked at her.
She thought about what Gerald was doing. Probably hanging out with Arnold, or playing basketball in the park, or playing video games. What Phoebe wouldn't do to just hang out with friends, feel the sun on her face, find contentment in doing something that would accomplish nothing. How long had it been since she got to read something that wasn't an assignment, something she wanted to read?
She thought about the future. Gerald giving her a massage while she read a book for fun. What else did married people do? They went out to eat and had stimulating conversation. They dressed up and listened to the Hillwood Orchestra play Vivaldi. That was what Phoebe was aiming for and she would do it all on Gerald's arm.
Phoebe's mind kicked her. Everyone at the table was staring. How long had it been? A loose lock of hair had extruded itself from her bun. She fixed it and glared at them. "Everyone go home."
"Are you sure, Phoebe?" Lila asked. If it had been anyone else...
"Yes. We will meet tomorrow at the exact same time, at the exact same location." Most of the team packed their stuff and ran out the library. Only Lila was left, waiting by the door.
"I'll walk you home."
"I'm not going home. There's something I have to do."
Lila frowned. "Text me later?"
"Yes, of course."
Phoebe and Lila went in the opposite directions. She knew exactly where she was going. She always did what she needed to do. And she needed to do it alone.
After it was done, Phoebe knocked on Helga's door. Gertrude answered. "Ahhh..." She adjusted her glasses, squinting. "Oh, it's you, Dr. Morgan! So good to see you. Has NASA been founded yet?"
Phoebe was always flattered to be compared to a rocket scientist. And it was refreshing to hear the name of a female scientist other than Marie Curie. "Hello Gertrude, is Helga home?"
"Eleanor? Why yes. She's upstairs." She welcomed Phoebe in. "I'm sure you important ladies need to discuss important issues. Should I expect Ms. Swenson will be joining you?"
"No-" Phoebe thought for a moment. She couldn't see herself lasting much longer without Lila, and she did owe her a text. "Yes, she will be joining us."
"Oh, that's nice." Gertrude smiled. "I'll be sure to send up some cookies."
While Phoebe climbed the stairs to Helga's room, she pulled out her phone and texted Lila. It went right back into her pocket and she knocked on the door. "Helga..."
A few quick 'boom's heralded Helga's answer. She threw the door open. "Phoebe!?"
"Greetings Helga. I want to apologize for my behav-"
"I'm sorry!" Helga pulled Phoebe into a bear-hug, lifting her off the ground and carrying her into the room. "I'm so sorry. I never should have said those things."
"Be that as it may, I have come up with a solution that should satisfy all parties."
Helga only stared at Phoebe like she wanted to say something, but couldn't.
"I have ended my romantic relationship with Gerald." Phoebe didn't want to cry, she really didn't.
Tears began welling up in Helga's eyes. "Phoebe..." She held her. "No. You can't."
"It's already done." Try as she might, Phoebe was unable to control her quivering lip.
Helga grabbed her and pulled her in close. "Tell him you take it back! Tell him you're on your period! You're just PMSing!"
"Helga." Phoebe sobbed into her shirt.
"Anything! You can't break up with him for me!"
"It wasn't for you. It was for me."
"But-"
Phoebe rubbed her eyes. "I have been very stressed with school, and activities, and friends, and a boyfriend. I was unable to juggle all of it, and I took it out on one of my best friends."
"That's okay. I can take it! I-"
"It's for the best, Helga. I'll be fine eventually." And she would. Conservation of mass proved her body could only produce so many tears.
Earlier
An exhausted Helga looked at the prescription form in her hands. It was a glorified permission slip. Why the fuck would she need Bob or Miriam's permission?
One more bullshit thing to deal with. Phoebe was being totally unreasonable. People have appointments sometimes and they don't have to fill everyone in on every little detail.
Helga opened the door to the Sunset Arms. A bunch of animals ran out. Inside, someone was yelling. She went to the kitchen to find Gertrude wearing a big white cowboy hat, waving her arms around, and yelling gibberish.
"That you, Helga?" Gertrude yelled in a gruff tone. If she had been in a better mood, she would have laughed. "Everyone has to do what I say!"
Helga didn't have the patience for this. She had already had a full day of school, studying, and being prodded at by a doctor. The only thing that stopped her from going right up to her room was the fact that Gertrude had used her real name for the first time ever. "Wait, who are you, again?"
"I'm Big Bob Pataki!" Gertrude bragged. "I'm the boss around here!"
It was a pretty good impression of Bob. It should have been a belt instead of a hat and she should be calling her 'Olga'. But the rest was spot-on. Helga was sure he had said those exact words at some point in his life. They only served to remind her of the people she was trying to escape. "Gertrude, I don't need this right now."
"Who's Gertrude!? I'm Big Bob, owner of Big Bob's Electronic Emporium."
"That's great, Bob." Fuck it, Helga handed Gertrude the prescription form. "Sign this." It wasn't like it mattered anyway.
"What's all this?" Gertrude adjusted her glasses and studied the form. "Burn control, huh? And just who are you planning on getting burned with?"
Fuck! She wasn't supposed to actually read it. Helga thought it was a dumb game. Somehow, Gertrude knew full well what was going on.
"It's for acne... and I have really bad periods!"
"Don't you try to pull one over on me, miss-missy. Yer forgettin' who yer talkin' to."
Helga took a step back. For a split second she was sure she was talking to Bob. Was Gertrude channeling him or something?
She shook the thought off. That was impossible. She was stupid for letting the very thought cross her mind. But, clearly, Gertrude wasn't playing around.
"The- There's this boy..." Helga stammered, hoping she would be satisfied without his name. "We haven't!... yet... I just want... to be... prepared..."
Gertrude-Bob regarded her for a moment. "No daughter of mine is going to be unsafe!" She signed the form using a perfect facsimile of Bob's handwriting.
Gertrude stared Helga down with the prescription in her hands. "Hold on! Do you know how to use this, little lady?"
"Take a pill once a day, it's not hard."
"Burns are serious business. Are you sure you're ready."
"I'm ready."
"Okay, if you're sure you're ready." Gertrude handed the form back. "Just tell that Oswald kid to keep it down."