A/N: Chapter 19! Poor Mac. Poor Harm. Just sayin'

Gone

Chapter 19: Unhook the Stars

July 2nd, 2005

1617 Local

Rabb Farm

Belleville, PA

Harm stood in the doorway of his grandmother's living room, holding a glass of water, gazing at the woman huddled on the couch. She was subtly shivering and as he crossed the room to her, he grabbed an old afghan off the back of a chair and settled it around her shoulders, then sat down next to her and pulled her into his arms. She took a few tentative sips of her water before setting it down on the table in front of them, and once she was settled against him again, he kissed her hair, saying, "When you're ready, Mac." She nodded slightly, snuggling in closer, and he felt her sigh against his neck. She didn't say anything for long moments and when she suddenly seemed to relax, he realized she had fallen asleep. That didn't surprise him; she had to be exhausted after the trauma of seeing her former colleague.

Harm assumed that Sturgis had been sent on an investigation to one of the bases near Seattle, and in a cruel twist of fate, Mac had found herself in the same airplane when it was time for him to return. As far as she knew, however, Sturgis hadn't noticed her.

Before they finally made it into the house, Mac had cried in his arms for long moments until he was able to coax her inside and lead her to the couch. She hadn't wanted him to leave her, but she'd already admitted that she hadn't had anything to eat or drink other than a couple of sips of water since the flight from Kalispell to Seattle. Obviously, she had been traumatized by this turn of events, though a part of him thought that her reaction was out of proportion to the actual situation. He understood she didn't want anyone else to know her whereabouts, but surely she knew Sturgis would keep her secret if she asked him to. And surely Sturgis hadn't been amongst those who had treated her so badly…but then again…

Harm felt that all-to-familiar surge of guilt regarding all things Mac. During one of the few times he'd met Sturgis for a beer, he'd let the alcohol loosen his tongue and then spent more than an hour telling Sturgis all about Mac's treatment of him in Paraguay, how she'd kissed Webb, how she'd thanked Gunny and Webb and followed that up with a 'never' in place of gratitude for what Harm had done for her. Sturgis had never seemed like much of a gossip, but perhaps he'd shared those details with Bud who'd then shared them with Harriet, who'd then shared them with, well, probably everyone. Sturgis wouldn't likely have confronted Mac directly about something like this, but the man wouldn't be averse to giving Mac the cold shoulder while not offering any defense of her.

God, what a mess, Harm thought to himself as Mac started to stir again. She whimpered a few times, then suddenly sat up with a start, her eyes frantically darting around the room.

"Mac, honey…it's okay. You're okay," he was quick to reassure, and she slumped against him.

"I thought I was back on the plane," she sniffled, and he drew her in closer.

"Yeah?" he whispered encouragingly. She nodded against him.

"Yeah…I could hear him again…his voice is what made me look up…"

Harm nodded. Sturgis Turner's voice was certainly distinctive.

"His seat was only about four rows ahead of mine," she continued, "and I didn't dare eat or drink anything because I couldn't risk having to get up for the bathroom. Thank god I had the window seat. It made it easier to hide."

Mac shuddered and took a couple of long, deep breaths. Harm ran his fingertips up and down her arm, thinking about how miserable that flight had to have been for her. He couldn't imagine not moving during the entirety of a five to six-hour commercial flight, and that coupled with the fear of discovery…it must have been sheer hell.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as he kissed her hair. He didn't know what else to say. "What happened when you finally landed in Dulles?"

"I waited until everyone else was off the plane. The flight attendants must have thought…well, I don't know what they thought…but I went straight to the bathroom and I-I threw up."

Harm grimaced. "God, Mac, I'm sorry." He gave her a few moments before asking, "What next?"

"Well," she answered. "I practically missed my flight to Harrisburg because I waited until absolutely the last minute to leave the bathroom."

Oh, Mac… "I'm sorry," he said again, "but you're here now. You're safe. He didn't see you. Let's just put this all behind us. Why don't I make us an early supper and then we can just take it easy tonight, okay?"

Mac bit her lip for a moment. "Okay," she replied softly. "But, Harm…you don't need to make anything for supper. I'm not really that hungry. Maybe just some toast?"

Harm drew back and stared at her. It really had to be bad for her to still not want to eat. Maybe she's just tired, he thought to himself. But she still needs to eat…

"Maaac…you can't just eat toast. At least let me make you a grilled cheese sandwich or something."

Mac's lip started to curl up into a little smile. "With tomato soup?"

He grinned back at her. "Of course!"

"Well, I can't refuse an offer like that," she answered as he stood up. She held out her hand to him and he helped her off the couch, and together they made their way to the kitchen.

"Mac…" Harm gently cajoled. "You have to eat more than that."

Mac looked up from her plate, her sandwich only half-eaten, her soup missing only a few spoonfuls. "I'm just not…"

"I know, I know, you're not hungry…but I think you'll feel better after a few more bites." Harm noticed a subtle shift in her expression; even though she had dutifully picked up her sandwich and was now chewing slowly, he knew she was irritated. He probably should just let her be, but her near reveal to the world had left him with a sense of foreboding beyond even what it would mean if Sturgis had seen her. He just wanted something to be normal.

Oh, who are you kidding? Nothing about this situation is "normal," he admonished himself. It wasn't normal that he had to lie about his whereabouts when he went to visit Mac. It wasn't normal that she seemed to have an irrational fear of being discovered, and it certainly wasn't normal that she'd run from everything she knew to become an entirely different person. Without really intending to, he heaved a huge, annoyed sigh, jumping when he heard Mac's spoon clatter against her plate.

"What, Harm?" she spat. He started to shake his head, to tell her he didn't mean anything by it, but she kept going. "I'm eating, dammit!" Suddenly she pulled her napkin from her lap and threw it down on the table. Before Harm could even try to say anything, she was up and out of her chair and heading quickly toward the door. Harm watched her leave, heard her footsteps on the stairs shortly thereafter, and then, after several moments, still in a daze over Mac's outburst, he got up and started clearing the table.

Forty minutes later, Harm guiltily trudged up the stairs, knowing he should have gone after Mac from the first…but he was frustrated. Intensely so. As wonderful as his trip out to Montana had been, Mac's visit here was not living up to his expectations. Damn cancelled flights, damn Sturgis Turner, and damn everything that had come from that miserable South American country, he groused as he pushed open the master bedroom door.

Oddly enough, he'd always slept in the master bedroom here, first as a little boy with his mother, and then as a young man visiting during his academy years. His grandmother had found it too painful to sleep in there after her husband had died, so she'd moved into a room at the end of the hall. Truthfully, he'd spent a fair amount of time in that room too; during his visits here as a child, anytime he'd awakened in the night, he'd slip from his bed to go snuggle with his Grandma Sarah. There were times in recent years when he'd honestly wished he still could.

Harm stepped into the bedroom and carelessly pushed at the door to close it, barely stopping it from slamming when he saw Mac's sleeping form on the bed. She lay atop the covers, her head pillowed on her arm, and as he moved closer, he saw the tear stains on her face. His earlier irritation drained out of him as he watched her steady, even breathing. Clearly, she was exhausted, which likely explained her behavior at dinner and the fact that she didn't even stir when he brushed her hair from cheek. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to her temple, and then, though it was still quite early, left for the bathroom to ready himself for bed.

Five minutes later, he lay down beside her and pulled a soft quilt over them, and soon he had joined her in slumber.

July 3rd, 2005

0602 Local

Rabb Farm

Belleville, PA

Mac's eyes slowly fluttered open as brilliant rays of summer sunshine danced across her body. She felt unusually well rested and she stretched in contentment, not yet really aware of her surroundings. It was when her time-sense returned to her and she realized how long she'd been sleeping that she'd remembered the events from the night before.

Oh, god…

Mac rolled over onto her back and covered her face with her hands. She'd behaved horribly the night before, there was no question about it. She only hoped Harm would forgive her. "Ughhhh," she groaned, jumping when the bedroom door creaked open to allow Harm entrance.

"Hey, you're up, sweetie," he said pleasantly, then sat down beside her. She rolled back to her side and pushed herself up into a seated position. He reached forward and brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "How are you feeling?"

She blinked at him for a moment, wondering at how he could sound so pleasant and friendly after last night's events.

"I'm fine…Harm, I'm sorry about yesterday."

"It's okay, Mac."

Mac shook her head. "No, Harm…I acted like a child. You were just trying to help, and I—"

Harm put his finger to her lips to shush her. "Mac, Mac…I know you were tired and you had just been through something traumatic."

Mac considered his words. Traumatic? Seeing a former colleague is now traumatic to me? Being in DC is now a trauma too? I lived through Paraguay and this is what is now considered a trauma in my life? Dear god, I'm pathetic…

How can Harm even love me like this?

Harm watched the emotions play across Mac's face, her lovely features looking more and more troubled. "Mac?" he called to her, and she abruptly looked away. His hand was quick to reach forward to tip her chin up so she'd look at him again. "Really, it's okay. Let's just put it behind us. It's beautiful out. Why don't we take a walk around the farm? I can take you to all the places I got myself in trouble when I was a kid." He gave her a tentative smile, willing her to let the last two days go. "What do you say, Mac?"

For a moment, her eyes carried a suspicious sheen, but then she blinked and it was gone. "Okay, Harm…I'd like that."

Harm's smile widened. "Okay, then. Get your butt out of bed and get moving. The days a-wasting!"

"It's only six-ten!"

"Yeah, but you've been asleep since six-ten last night. Now, move!" He stood up and pulled her from the bed, then gave her a light smack on her six. "I'll get breakfast ready. I already put your bath stuff in the bathroom, so don't worry about that."

Mac rolled her eyes, but she complied and started walking toward the door. She'd only taken a few steps, when she suddenly stopped and turned around.

"What is it, Mac?"

"Oh, I, um, forgot something…" She stepped in front of him again.

"What?"

"This," she said, then leaned up and kissed him. Before he could respond, she'd turned and skipped out of the room, leaving him in a haze of love.

1131 Local

Rabb Farm

Belleville, PA

Harm felt Mac's sweat-slicked body shudder around him as he slid in and out of her, knowing his own release was imminent. A few more thrusts and he was there, calling her name as he emptied himself inside of her, while she wrapped her legs high around his back and squeezed out every last drop of his essence. Once he was entirely spent, He rolled so she was half on top of him, while he gazed up at the canopy of trees above them. Their breaths were ragged and their heartbeats fast, and it was several minutes before either could talk again.

Harm recovered his power of speech first, groaning out a 'Maaac' before he grasped her underneath her arms and pulled her up so she was completely on top of him. His lips found hers and they kissed deeply before he pulled slightly away. "God, Mac, I love you. So much."

Mac's answer was a brilliant smile followed by an equally fervent 'I love you too, Harm.' They kissed a few more times, each touch of their lips growing more fevered. It wasn't long before Harm was ready again, his quick recovery a testament to how much he wanted the woman above him. Blue-grey eyes looked deeply into chocolate-brown ones, and with a nod she sat up, straddling him. He helped raise her up and she grasped his member, guiding it into her silken depths, her eyes now closed with pleasure. He gave her a moment to accommodate his size again, and then he was once again thrusting into her, showing her with his body how much he loved her.

He'd never get enough of this woman, and if he had his way, he would never be without her again. Tomorrow night, as fireworks exploded overhead, he would ask her to marry him.

"Soooo…when you said you got into trouble out in the woods, I'm going to assume it wasn't because you were doing what we just did," Mac giggled as they stepped through the door of the house. He had shown her all around the farm, from the hayloft he used to hide in after his mother married Frank, to the treehouse his grandmother had hired Bob Miller's father to make for him, the creek where he used to fish, and finally the tree he'd encouraged Bob's little brother to climb, coaxing him to go higher and higher until the little boy was so high he was too terrified to come down. Mr. Miller had managed to get the kid down, then had given Harm a stern talking to. His grandmother had been fairly mortified, and he spent the next days of his visit there mucking out first his grandmother's horse stalls, and then the Millers', and then the Smiths', the Bells' and finally the Johnsons'. He could have sworn he still smelled like horse manure when he started junior high in La Jolla. Harm hadn't yet told Mac that story; they'd started kissing under that infamous tree and that had rapidly progressed to something else.

"Ah, no…not quite," he grinned. He proceeded to tell her the tale of "Georgie Miller and the Tree," having her laughing uproariously by the time he got to his fifth horse barn.

"You know, Mac…I don't think Georgie has ever forgiven me," he lamented, which earned him another laugh.

"Probably because you still call him Georgie," she reasoned.

"Ya think? I guess we could ask him tomorrow. He should be there with his wife and their six…or is it seven? kids."

"That should be interesting…and if he gets too uppity, you can always respond by telling him you just got laid under that tree."

"Maaac!" he burst out. Mac was giggling hard now, and Harm couldn't stop himself from joining her. "Now that would be just too cruel. Let's just say his wife is no Sarah MacKenzie…"

Harm expected Mac to either laugh or smack him for implying that George Miller's wife was homely. Instead, her expression immediately sobered. "Mac?"

She looked up into his eyes, looking terribly sad and bereft.

"I'm no Sarah MacKenzie, either," she whispered, then brushed past him and went up the stairs.

"Dammit," Harm muttered under his breath, then headed up after her.

Things had been going so well…

July 4th, 2005

1959 Local

Rabb Farm

Belleville, PA

Mac sat on the back-porch swing, waiting for Harm to gather up blankets and water bottles so they could climb the hill behind the house. The view of the town fireworks display was particularly stunning from there, he'd told her, and she was looking forward to it.

The day had been lovely, not too hot, and the town festival had been fun. She had indeed met Georgie Miller and he was actually very friendly. His wife was rather plain, but she was genuinely sweet and had a smile that made her beautiful. After they'd left them to their children (there were actually eight of them), Mac had smacked his shoulder and given him a little hell for his inaccurate description of George and Tessa Miller. Harm had shrugged but then he'd grown sheepish, telling her that Tessa had shot him down once upon a time.

"So that smile doesn't get you whatever you want, huh?" she'd snickered, and he'd rolled his eyes before putting his arm around her and pulling her close.

"It got me you," he said simply.

"Hey!" she cried almost indignantly. "What did I tell you the day I met you about that smile?"

He'd turned the full wattage of his flyboy grin on her. "Yeah," he shrugged. "But you didn't mean it."

Mac had wanted to remain stern with him, but that grin really had always caused her melt. "Okay, fine…but don't let that go to your head."

"Too late," he'd laughed before kissing her soundly right there in the middle of the street. Then he'd taken her by the hand and led her off to find cotton candy and popcorn.

Mac had been amazed at how many people in the small town of Belleville knew and remembered Harm. She could tell he loved it here and that the love was returned. Joshua and Sarah Rabb's grandson would always have a home here.

Unlike me, she thought to herself. Being with Harm had always felt like home to her, as long as they remained in their little bubble. The problem was that Harm didn't deserve to be kept in a bubble. He had a life outside of her…a life she could never be a part of. Not anymore. She'd ruined that with her actions in Paraguay, and she knew she could never set foot in DC again. She hadn't told Harm this yet, but she didn't think she could even come back to the farm. It was too close to DC, and if Sturgis Turner, with all the flights in the world and all the people the world, could still end up on an airplane with her, she didn't think she could leave Montana again. She still hated herself for her reaction to the events of the last few days, but knowing it was ridiculous still didn't make her feelings about it any less painful.

She really should let Harm go…

Mac sat up straighter with a gasp. The thought that she should give Harm up had flown into her mind completely unbidden. No! I can't do that. I love him!

But none of this is fair to him! she argued with herself. Harm had a place in this world. He was a Commander in the Navy. A JAG officer. A Navy pilot. He had a name, and what did she have?

Nothing. You have nothing!

That isn't true! I have a life in Montana. I have Mary and Dan and Nicodemus. I have a job that I truly do love!

But you don't have a name.

Yes, I do! Samantha O'Hara!

That's a name that doesn't exist outside of your little bubble. And you definitely aren't Sarah MacKenzie anymore. You're nobody. Bud and Harriet named their baby after a nobody…

You're a nobody…

"Shut up!"

"Mac?"

Mac hadn't realized she'd said that out loud and she blushed with embarrassment. "Uh, nothing, Harm." She stood up from the swing. "I suppose we should get up there," she said, motioning up the hill. "They're probably about ready to start." She relieved Harm of one of the blankets and started down the steps.

"Hey, Mac?"

She turned around, seeing the concern in his eyes despite the darkening skies. "Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah…I'm—I'm fine, Harm." She attempted a smile, which he tentatively returned. "Shall we?" she asked.

"Yeah, let's go. The fireworks are always really, um, beautiful."

"Okay, Harm," she answered, and together, they climbed up the hill.

Brilliant showers of light exploded overhead, reds, greens, blues, golds…the display was truly spectacular, but they were nothing compared to the spectacular beauty of the woman beside him. The fireworks illuminated her olive skin, and when she turned toward him, having likely felt his eyes on him, her lips curved up into a gentle smile.

"What," she whispered, as another starburst of color fell from the sky.

"You're so beautiful, Mac."

Her smile widened slightly. "So are you."

"Stand up."

Her expression morphed into one of confusion.

"Please, Mac." He stood up and held out his hand to her.

Still looking confused and just a bit apprehensive, she pushed herself off the ground and allowed him to pull her up.

Harm gazed at her a moment, then pulled out the little blue velvet box that had been burning a hole in his pocket for the last several hours. He heard Mac gasp as he lowered himself down on one knee and removed the ring from its cushioned nest.

"Mac," he started, swallowing against the lump that had formed in his throat. "We've been through so much together, we've come close to crossing the line from friendship to more too many times, only to let everything slip through our fingers. After Paraguay, I was an angry, bitter man, but one night I realized that I still loved you, would always love you, only to find out you had disappeared. Finding you again was the most wonderful day of my life, even if our first meeting didn't go as I'd hoped. Mac, I never want to be without you again. Will you marry me?"

He stared up at her hopefully, praying the tears coming from her eyes were tears of happiness, but the longer he waited for her to answer, the more he felt his happiness slipping away. When she finally opened her mouth, he had the sudden urge to stand up and cover it with his hand to stop her from saying what he knew she was about to.

"Oh, Harm…"

Harm slowly stood. "Mac, please…" he begged.

"Oh, Harm," she said again. "I-I can't."

"No…"

"I'm so sorry, Harm, but…but this is never going to work. I'm s-sorry." She was sobbing now and despite his broken heart he wanted to pull her into his arms and comfort her, but she didn't let him. She pulled away and turned on her heel, and then she was running down the hill toward the house.

Harm's vision blurred as he watched her retreating forms. No, NO! It can't end like this. Not now…

Harm took off after Mac in a sprint, while fireworks, now sounding more like bombs exploding around him, burst overhead.

End Chapter 19