When I dragged myself out of the tent the next morning, I felt awful. I had returned last night when Raven finally passed out and was hopeful that our time together had lifted her spirits. I was definitely regretful about some of the information that I'd shared with her and I certainly didn't feel that I'd gained any valuable insight from her. In the least, I felt that I'd gained a friend and been able to relax in her company for an evening.
I wandered into camp in search of something to eat to soak up the alcohol that still burned in my stomach. I noticed that the smokehouse they'd been building over the last few days seemed to be functioning now and I stepped in to investigate whether anything was ready for the taking. Instead, I arrived at the perfect moment to witness a camper I didn't recognise causing grief for Octavia and Murphy as they tried to work.
"You get that from your boyfriend grounder-pounder?" He spat as I hovered in the doorway and was about to storm inside when Murphy blocked my entrance with his back to me. It was clear that he hadn't even noticed that I was here and I observed with interest to see how he would deal with the situation.
"She's right, a hot fire is not gonna preserve the meat as well." Murphy suggested calmly and I was impressed thus far at his reasonable behaviour. Before his exile, this would easily have descended into a fight and I was glad to find that he truly seemed to have grown from his experiences.
"You can't take the heat? Get out of the smokehouse." The camper jeered at Murphy and I felt my temper rising. "You should be kissing our asses for being allowed back in this camp." He spat with a peek at Octavia to clarify that he included her in this statement. "Just keep working." He ordered in an arrogant manner. In a moment of rage I grabbed the hood of his jacket and dragged him backwards out of the smokehouse, throwing him to the ground. I walked around to his feet so that he could see my face and his eyes grew wide.
"Get out of my sight, you insignificant cretin!" I hissed furiously and he scrambled to his feet in a panic to rush away. I leaned back into the small space to see Murphy and Octavia watching in amusement. "Sorry about that, just really not in the mood for bullshit from these arrogant wankers today. You two good in here?" I queried with a concerned look between them, but they nodded back and continued working with entertained laughter. "Alright, if either of you get any more shit you let me know; I live to bring Bellamy's idiots down a peg." I drawled as I decided not to bother them.
I went to our ration stocks and collected a small pack of berries and some water, and settled in a quiet spot of camp for my conservative breakfast. I had only just finished eating when I heard raised voices. I got to my feet to glance around inquisitively, but then I heard someone shout fire and broke into a run. I turned the corner to discover that the smokehouse had been completely consumed by flames. My heart skipped a beat until I noticed Octavia being assisted out by Bellamy and Murphy on his knees beside her. Octavia was already being thoroughly checked over and so I rushed toward Murphy, who was doubled over. Before I could reach him to tender his reaction, he had jumped to his feet and launched himself at the obnoxious camper that I'd scared off earlier.
"This is all your fault, we told you it was too much wood!" He yelled, as he began pummeling the bully in a furious outburst. I was shocked by his reaction and paused in my tracks. I hadn't expected him to lash out and his behaviour was a familiar glimpse into the old Murphy that made me squirm in discomfort. Fortunately Bellamy was quick to get between them whilst I hesitated in my thoughts. At the sight of him struggling to pull them apart, I strode forward and grabbed Murphy's arm to drag him away so that Bellamy could focus on the other party.
"Stop! Save it for the grounders!" Bellamy urged as he pushed at the camper to give me some space. Murphy whirled around to face me in a rage and I caught him by his shoulders.
"Hey, stop, it's me!" I gasped nervously and he paused in surprise as he registered my face. "He's not worth it, we'll sort this out. Are you hurt?" I asked, quickly examining him for any new injuries whilst he observed me in a disbelieving fashion. After a few moments of shock, he nodded in answer and I guided him with a gentle hand on his arm, leading him further from the fire to get some fresh air.
"Bel, now what the hell are we gonna do? That was all the food." Octavia cried in exasperation, as I marched Murphy out away from the confrontation. I decided that it was more important to remove him so that the fight didn't resume and allowed Bellamy a chance to deal with the fire.
I took Murphy for a walk to cool off his temper and spent some time rechecking his wounds to ensure that none of them had started to get infected. I was pleased to see that he was healing nicely and his face had begun to fade to mostly just bruises and scrapes. Once I was sure that he wasn't likely to cause a scene, I wandered back to the smokehouse to find that the fire had been put out. It was devastating to see that pretty much the whole structure was gone, wasting several days of work on both building it and gathering food. I noticed Bellamy picking through the remains and approached him at the same time as Clarke strode over opposite me.
"Any idea what happened?" She enquired and he glanced around at her. She drew his focus enough that he didn't notice my presence behind him.
"Murphy says that Del kept feeding the fire, mostly because Octavia told him it was a bad idea." He answered in a bitter tone and I sighed, causing him to startle.
"And we believe Murphy?" She remarked, inspecting us both in question. I opened my mouth to speak but quickly closed it again, unsure if I wanted to argue with them over Murphy again already. I knew the easiest thing would be to allow him the time to prove himself instead of pushing them to trust him, but it seemed that the other members of the camp were going to make this challenging. I studied Bellamy's reaction and waited with interest for his answer.
"I do, yeah." Bellamy surprised me with his words and I couldn't contain a satisfied smile. I peeked over at Clarke but she still wore a skeptical expression.
"I can back him up in that I overhead Del being a colossal dick to both him and Octavia this morning and had to throw him out on his ass. He must have come back after I left. I'm sorry, I thought I had dealt with it." I explained awkwardly and Bellamy chuckled at my explanation. I enjoyed knowing that I had proved that I didn't need his protection and I had a feeling that he found my antics entertaining now that he'd stopped fussing over me.
"We have some wild onions and nuts in the dropship. It's only enough to last us maybe one or two weeks." Clarke commented in a disheartened manner. "What's left here?" She queried worriedly.
"Nothing. It all burned." Bellamy replied solumnley, as he straightened to a standing position and she sighed in response. I noticed Raven out of the corner of my eyes and as I turned my attention to her, she spotted me with a coy smile. She glanced at Bellamy, then back at me with a raised brow. She then mimed the action of pulling him down by his collar and I blushed heavily. I turned my back on her and met his waiting eyes with a startled expression.
"I-I have to go." I stuttered, rushing away without another word. I returned to my tent and paced around in a flustered attempt to calm myself. I was there for a while, as I struggled to convince myself that nothing had changed and that things weren't weird between us. The tent door opened and Bellamy stepped in with a relaxed attitude.
"There you are. We're sending as many groups as we can out hunting. We need to save bullets so only one gun per group, just in case of grounders. I'm pretty good with a spear so I just need someone to cover my back, want to lend me your killer aim?" He smiled flirtatiously and I stuttered to find any words for a response. I knew it would look stranger if I didn't go, as usually I wouldn't think twice about covering his back if he needed it.
"Sure, let me just grab some supplies and I'll meet you in camp." I replied as casually as I could manage and he grinned before stepping out. As soon as he was out of sight, I dropped into a crouch and put my head in my hands with a dramatic groan.
- O - O - O - O - O -
Bellamy and I walked through the woods in a tense silence. It was unusual for things to not be comfortable between us and I knew that he could tell something was wrong. A mixture of Octavia and Raven's words rang around in my mind and I could hardly concentrate.
"Are you alright Indie? You seem off today." He glimpsed over at me with a raised brow and I held my breath in nervous anticipation. I didn't want to admit that it was anything that involved him and wracked my brain for something believable.
"Yeah, I'm fine, just a bit of a headache." I answered in a poor excuse. It wasn't technically a lie, my head was still pounding but it definitely wasn't the cause of my behaviour.
"Have you drank enough?" He asked with a hint of concern in his voice, indicating to a flask on my belt. I couldn't help a little flutter in my chest at his worry and tried to quash it down.
"Oh, I've drank plenty." I muttered thoughtfully and he tilted his head at me in interest. "I was up pretty late last night with Raven. There may have been a little moonshine involved." I admitted reluctantly and he laughed openly into the fresh air.
"I thought we agreed to have our first drink together?" He winked playfully and I chuckled awkwardly under my breath. I was surprised that he'd remembered this offhand comment of mine and was glad that the other girls hadn't heard this; I dreaded to think what they would read into it.
"I wouldn't exactly say I got drunk, it was just a little taste." I pouted guiltily under his scrutiny. "I can't say the same for Raven though." I confessed as I reflected on the sight of her passed out last night.
"That would explain why she was so aggressive this morning." He thought aloud. "What spurred you to turn to drink, Indie? I thought you were too much of a control freak for that." He teased and I thinned my eyes at him.
"Raven's had a tough couple of days, I wanted to try to cheer her up." I justified. "And I'm not a control freak." I added, elbowing him playfully.
"Right, sorry." He breathed as he chuckled under his breath and spoke in a mocking apologetic tone. "You just...how did you put it...you like to be in control?" He glanced over at me suggestively and I blushed furiously.
"Alright you, stop distracting me. Let's find something to eat." I blurted as I cut him off in a poor attempt to hide my embarrassment whilst he just laughed in delight.
- O - O - O - O - O -
I was relieved to return to camp after a successful day of hunting and parted ways with Bellamy gladly. Once we'd moved past the awkwardness and managed to laugh together, it was like normal but unfortunately even our normal was changed by my constant internal monologue. I headed toward the tent and spent some time reflecting on the events of the day in an effort to stop the frantic thoughts. After brooding for a while, I decided to gather my things to move back to my original tent with Octavia. I stomped through camp with my limited possessions in my arms when I almost walked straight into Raven as she stepped out of Jasper and Monty's tent. I jumped to a halt, before viewing her with suspicious eyes.
"Any better?" I grilled with raised brows.
"No." She groaned and I gazed sympathetically at her. She scanned the pile of stuff I was carrying with a hopeful interest. "Please tell me you're carrying all that stuff because you finally got that booty and he's asked you to move into his tent?" Raven interrogated with a wicked gleam in her eyes. "I just really need some good news right now." She added pleadingly.
"Sorry to disappoint, but no. If anything, your comments have just made me doubt every little thing I say or do." I declared accusingly and instead of being apologetic for the effect she'd had, she simply rolled her eyes in exasperation. I decided to leave her to it and continued on my path back to Octavia's tent. I was surprised to find that she wasn't in, but busied myself with unpacking. It didn't take long and just as I was about to put the gun away, Octavia burst in.
"Oh you're back here!" She smiled, panting. "I was looking for you. Clarke, Finn and another kid didn't come back from hunting. We're going to look for them, are you coming?" She explained and I sighed as I tucked the pistol back into my belt.
"Lead the way." I answered, following her from the tent. We joined with Bellamy, Raven and Monty and marched into the woods. I couldn't deny a sense of dread in my stomach, it seemed we couldn't do anything for camp without causing some kind of disaster. I hoped that the missing group had simply got lost on the way back but I knew it was unlikely to be that simple for us.
"We've got walky-talkies now so we can split to cover more ground." Bellamy explained as we started in the direction that he had assigned the hunting group. "Octavia, you picked up some tracking from Lincoln right?" He enquired bitterly and she nodded in response. "Okay, you go with Raven, Indigo you're with me, that leaves you solo Monty." He handed out the radios and Monty shrugged in acceptance. "Let's bring them home." He ordered with determination and we split into our groups. He gave everyone a direction to search and explained which point we would reassemble.
Bellamy and I walked in a concentrated silence, and I gripped the pistol tightly as I stared into the darkness of the trees. I kept my eyes trained for any signs of movement whilst Bellamy searched for any signs of them. We kept moving for a while before we heard from any of the other groups.
"I thought you said you were heading West. Where are you?" Monty's voice crackled on the radio and Bellamy rolled his eyes at me before responding.
"Just keep the moon on your left and you'll find us." He replied impatiently and I chuckled under my breath. After the psychedelic nuts incident I had hundreds of possible jokes about Monty looking for the moon, but I knew that this wasn't the time. We carried on in the direction Bellamy had chosen for a few moments more but we hadn't found any signs of anyone coming through here.
"Is anyone else hearing this signal?" Monty spoke through the radio again and Bellamy ignored it, continuing to stalk ahead. I didn't question it as I could sense the tension in him and tried to focus on the task in hand.
"Just keep your eyes open." Raven responded in a firm tone that was clear even through the radio.
"I think it's the same thing we heard on the black box." Monty responded and this time Bellamy grabbed his radio from his belt in annoyance.
"Damn it Monty, pay attention." He warned and I could sense his growing frustration. "Do you see anything?" He prompted and peeked at me in concern when he didn't receive a reply. "Report." He insisted and I stopped on the spot to watch him nervously. The radio screeched before blasting out static and I regarded Bellamy with wide eyes.
"What happened? Where'd he go?" I breathed, feeling panic overtaking me as I considered what we could have just heard happen to Monty. Before he could answer me, Raven's nervous voice echoed from the radio.
"There's someone in the bushes."
Bellamy bolted into action and I followed him anxiously. Our boots pounded the ground as we jogged in the direction that Raven and Octavia were assigned and I found myself praying that we would bump into Monty along the way. When we caught up to the girls, we found them crouched down in the bushes and I leaned over to see one of the young guys from camp lying on the ground.
"Clarke and Finn, where are they?" Raven quizzed and as I assessed the boy that laid in the grass, I noticed that he had a large wound in his chest. I took a sharp breath as I analysed its location and quickly understood how lucky he had been that it missed his heart. It seemed to be a similar wound to Jasper's when we first arrived and I hoped that this would indicate a high chance of survival for him.
"Grounders took them." He managed to choke out and Raven's face contorted as if she might throw up from guilt. I studied her sympathetically as I reflected on her earlier antics.
"Take it easy." Bellamy instructed gently in a low voice as he addressed the young man. "We have to get him back to camp." He declared as he glanced over his shoulder at us.
"Bel, what about Clarke and Finn?" Octavia questioned with a reluctant look.
"He's badly wounded, we can't just leave him out here." I whispered just loud enough for those around me to hear in an effort not to alarm the young boy. I could understand the conflict between him and searching for Clarke and Finn, but we couldn't be sure how long it would take to find them and I didn't feel that the wounded boy would last long in the grass. Raven scanned around the trees, her face revealing that she was praying to see Finn appear. When her hope didn't materialise she sighed and turned back to face us.
"We need to make a stretcher." She stated and immediately busied herself with finding supplies in what was, to me, a clear attempt to distract herself from her worry.
"Monty we're heading home. You copy?" Bellamy spoke into the radio and I waited in suspense for some kind of confirmation that my dear friend was safe. He caught sight of me with an uncertain expression. "Monty, can you hear me?" He radioed again and I felt myself growing anxious as I fidgeted on the spot. "Monty...Monty where the hell are you?" His voice became insistent and I turned to face the other two girls who mirrored my terrified expression. "Report." Bellamy called out one more, before stowing the radio on his belt with a regretful expression. "If they've got Monty they're close, we need to get back to camp. Now." He asserted firmly, but I recognised the hesitation in his eyes that wasn't clear to the others.
The journey back to camp was silent and panicked, as we struggled to carry the young, wounded Myles between us. As soon as we got back to the edges of our land, some of Bellamy's men jogged over to meet us. They took Myles from our exhausted grip and carried him to the dropship for treatment. Bellamy rounded up a small group from the camp and called us over to join. We followed him to the perimeter of camp, just outside of the fence that was our own minimal defence from attack.
"Raven, we need to get our defences started now, we haven't got any more time to waste." He remarked in an attempt to pull her out of the quiet panic that she'd been lost to since we had to turn back from our search for Clark and Finn. "Pick the people you need to help you with landmines, everyone else will be working on foxholes and tunnels." He announced to the small force that he had assembled.
I waited patiently to be assigned a role whilst Bellamy spread guards across the area. He ensured that we had eyes on every possible angle that we could be approached from whilst we were vulnerable outside. Raven returned from her supply run into camp with tools to hand out. She chose Jasper and I to assist with landmines, releasing everyone else to Bellamy's command. We set up in positions far enough from each other that we could safely work without being at risk of blowing each other up and she gave a quick demonstration of what to do. It was slow work, only made more difficult to concentrate on in the dark, especially after such a long day. My mind wandered over what had happened to Monty, creating scenario after scenario of all the gruesome things the grounders could be doing to him. Although I had not always gotten along with Clarke and Finn I worried for their safety too, hoping that they would all find a way to return to us. I longed to be out searching for them, but I understood Bellamy's plan and I felt that it was sensible to not risk sending anyone else out into the woods.
I heard Raven's bitter voice behind me and realised that she was clashing with Bellamy again. She'd been tense with him since he called off the search and I could sympathise with her distress; if it was Bellamy out there I knew that I'd stop at nothing to find him. However, the mounting tension was only further fueling the stress of camp. I sighed as their discussion grew heated and walked toward them to try to diffuse the growing argument. Instead I was stopped in my tracks a few steps away by a gunshot that stunned me back into an alerted, hyper awake state. Bellamy turned on his heel and stomped in a rage toward the guard who fired it.
"Hey! What the hell is the matter with you?" He spoke in an accusatory manner and the guard shrank into him as if he might die on the spot.
"I'm sorry man, I-I fell asleep." He stuttered, his posture revealing how mortified he was. "I've been on watch all day." He commented causing Bellamy to snap and grab him by his jacket.
"We've all been on watch all day! That bullet was one less dead grounder." He snapped, shaking him as he yelled in his face. He breathed raggedly, hardly able to get his words out in his overflowing anger.
"Bel, you're scaring people." Octavia remarked as she attempted to appeal to him, but it was clear to me that it was already too late for that. I could recognise from his tone and jumpy behaviour that the stress of the situation had pushed him over the edge.
"They should be scared!" He spat, throwing the guard to the side before turning to address the watching camp members. "The bomb on the bridge bought us some time to prepare, but that time is up! The grounders are out there right now, waiting for us to leave and picking us off one by one when we do!" He declared and people shifted uncomfortably in response to his behaviour. He paced around making angry gestures, but I could feel that he was lashing out due to fear. "Clarke, Finn and Monty are gone, probably dead." He paused to take a sharp breath and his voice had cracked as he reeled off the names of those who were missing. His brows knitted together in exasperation and I had to fight every urge in my body to comfort him. "And if you want to be next, I can't stop you, but no guns are leaving this camp!" He yelled and I watched as people startled, gazing around at each other in surprise. "This camp is the only thing keeping us alive!" His last words gave out to desperation and it felt to me that he was pleading with people to work with him. He stared out into the crowd, and they met him with only frustrated expressions. "Get back to work." He spat, waving a hand at them in disappointment, before storming back through the gate to camp. I waited momentarily, struggling to decide whether to follow him or to give him space to cool off. I sighed and moved to head back to work when I was distracted by a voice.
"Indigo! We need your help." I turned to see one of the girls from camp running over to me. "I'm sorry to put pressure on you, but I know you've helped Clarke before and Raven's busy with the land mines. Myles isn't doing so well." She rushed with her words in a way that revealed she was clearly upset and I followed her without question.
When I entered the dropship I passed Bellamy, who was standing over a table in a stressed manner. I tried not to acknowledge him so that he could leave if he wanted to be alone and instead went straight to Myles who'd been laid on a surface against the back wall. Now that I could get a clear view of him, I realised that he'd actually been speared twice, once in the chest and once in his upper thigh. I turned back to face the girl who'd led me here.
"Alright, I'll do what I can. I need rags and moonshine." I instructed calmly and she ran from the ship to get the items. "Hi Myles, I'm gonna do what I can to make you more comfortable, alright?" I spoke gently as I put a hand on his arm to comfort him. He whimpered weakly in response and I smiled at him sympathetically. The girl from earlier rushed back in and dropped the supplies beside me. She examined Myles and all of the colour drained from her face as her hands shook. It was obvious that she didn't have the stomach to deal with this. "It's okay, you can go now, I'll manage this. I'm sure Raven could use an extra set of hands to fill in for me." I said evenly and she smiled in appreciation before leaving the room.
"Myles, I'm going to do my best to clean the wounds around the spearheads and then I'll wrap them up tight. I'm afraid that's all I can do for you right now." I explained and I waited for him to bring his tired eyes to mine. "I need to keep you from getting an infection until we can decide what to do next. It's going to sting. Are you ready for that?" I checked. He struggled to nod at me and I prepared the area. I tore his clothes around the wounds to get a proper view of the damage and unscrewed the bottle of moonshine. "Okay, here we go, 1, 2, 3…" I counted him down but the moment that the liquid touched his skin, he screamed out as if he were in agony.
"Please, stop! I can't take it!" He begged in a frantic state as if I were torturing him and I realised with horror that I'd only managed to clean one wound.
"Just one more Myles, we're nearly done." I tried my best to encourage him even as he manically attempted to protect himself from me. Bellamy ran over to my side and I battled my nerves as I fought to keep control of Myles whilst he squirmed around.
"What are you doing to him?!" Bellamy interrogated, staring down at him in bewilderment.
"Trying to save him!" I hissed in exasperation as I barely stopped him from rolling off the surface. "Hold him still, I need to get to his leg." I instructed and Bellamy followed my order without a moment of hesitation. As soon as he gripped Myles's leg into place, I poured the moonshine over it, not wanting to stretch the experience out for him any longer than I had to. Myles howled in pain and writhed around before promptly passing out from pain. I breathed a sigh of relief at completing the task but Bellamy assessed his still form in horror.
"What happened? Did we just lose him?" He gasped as his face fell and I sighed.
"No, he just has a low pain threshold, he passed out." I confirmed between pants from the strain. "Thanks for the help." I added as I smiled gratefully at him. It meant a lot to witness his unquestioning confidence in me and I felt that few others would have simply trusted my advice as he did. I started to wrap the spear tips as tightly as I could with rags whilst Myles was still watched me, his face the definition of pity and stress.
"He's just a kid." He muttered quietly as I focused on working. He stayed by my side whilst I finished wrapping the wounds, as if he craved the company and I considered the poignancy of his words. We were all just kids when we arrived here, but the threats here didn't care about that. I sighed thoughtfully and he clocked me.
"We have way less options without Clarke, I don't know if there's anything else I can do for him." I confessed with a pitying look and he furrowed his brow. "I was originally considering pulling the spear heads out and cauterising the wounds, but there's no way he could manage that. Besides, I still couldn't guarantee then that I'd be able to save him. I might end up torturing the poor kid for nothing." I pondered regretfully. Bellamy hissed and rubbed at his forehead in a display of stress.
"We need Clarke." He stated in a grave voice and I turned to face him, moving his hands away from tugging at his hair.
"Hey, try to relax." I advised with an encouraging smile, holding one of his hands in mine and stroking my thumb along it soothingly. "What happened out there wasn't your fault. We'll find a way to get through this." I assured him as his eyes met mine with a fearful expression and I could practically feel the vulnerability radiating from him.
"They're all looking to me to keep them safe, Indie. How am I going to do that when the grounders are picking us off, we're running out of bullets and everyone's too exhausted to see straight?" He breathed and held himself in a way that revealed the weight of the world on his shoulders.
"I don't know." I confessed with a shrug. "But you don't have to go it alone. I'm here for whatever you need." I mentioned and I found myself wishing that I could do more to help. He sighed and we stood in silence for a while. I kept his hand in mine and the way he was staring at me seemed as if he was using my presence and my reassurances to calm himself.
"Do you think I should be out looking for them?" He asked in a small, doubtful voice causing me to raise a brow at him.
"It doesn't matter what I think, I'm not the one who has to live with that decision." I answered. I felt in my gut that I didn't want to tell him what to do whilst he was so vulnerable. This was a big decision and it felt wrong to make it for him. "You've got to do what feels right to you." I aired and was surprised when he scoffed at me.
"Don't give me a diplomatic answer Indigo." He drawled and I tensed at his use of my full name. "Most of the people out there are looking at me as if I betrayed them." He seemed momentarily annoyed, but his expression softened again when he looked at me. "I know I can trust you to be honest with me, and you've got good enough judgement to tell me when I'm wrong." He explained, baring himself to me for judgement. "Am I wrong?" He spoke in almost a whisper and my heart ached for him.
"No." I answered without a moment of hesitation and he widened his eyes at me. "We can't just wander around in the dark making ourselves easy targets, we'll never find them that way, all we'll do is lose more people." I tried to answer based on logic, before studying him sympathetically. "It would be easy to listen to my feelings, tell you to take a search party and run out into the forest to their rescue. I won't deny that a part of me wants to do that, but being a leader isn't about taking the easy option. A good leader makes the hard choices, even when others don't thank them for it." I spoke earnestly and he managed a slight smile despite his stress.
"You always know the right thing to say, don't you?" He breathed with a warm tone to his voice and I watched as some of the tension left his shoulders.
"Only when I'm speaking to you." I commented before finally releasing his hand as I realised that I was still gripping it with embarrassment. "Let's just focus on staying alive until the morning and then we can re-evaluate. Speaking of staying alive, I'd better get back to work. You know where to find me if anything changes with Myles." I squeezed his arm on last time and left him to his thoughts.