AHHHH we're 20 chapters in. It makes me super excited. The writing bug hit me and hit me hard. So I'm almost done with this story. I'm not sure how many chapters, because this silly lady didn't number chapters again. It seems when I do POV's I don't number them.

We did not win Best Drama. But I'm cool with that. I actually haven't seen a sessrin win Feudal Connection yet and they rarely get nom'd. So I'm just so glad someone thought of me.

Rin

There's a mechanical whir in the room next to me that sounds like it's shaking the walls. I pulled a few strings to be in the room while the technician runs the CAT scan. Sesshomaru lays in the cylinder, hair tied into a tight braid. He isn't claustrophobic, but again, I didn't want him to be alone. If it weren't for the fact that he needs to stay still and not move, I'd be on the microphone talking to him.

He's been busy. Ren said he's learning to drive like a pro but that he ran over every cone in the parking lot yesterday. I watched through the window, curious how quickly he'd get the hang of using only his hands. The grey vehicle with the orange top swerved in and out of the cones, flattening them to pancakes.

At practice he barely spoke because he was mad he didn't master it right away.

Adaptations are kind of cool. I once asked Kagura if I could drive one of Wind's cars and nearly ran it into the building, smashing the fender. I'm lucky I was her favorite student or she would have made me pay for it. The technicians attach rods to the pedals that are manipulated by the push-pull system on the wheel. Each adaptation is fit and designed for the specific user. The driver decides which direction should control the break and the acceleration.

Pacing back and forth on sore feet, I check my phone again, looking through my emails to see when my new boots and blades will be here. I emailed the company and said I was dying of pain and dropped my name. Rin Matthews wants to make a comeback to the skating world. So rarely do I use my official title, but in this case my feet will be so happy when these damn things come. It shaved off two weeks of time and three hundred dollars.

"You can't use that in here," the tech reminds me.

"Right." I stuff it in my back pocket.

"Sit down, you're making me sick." Inuyasha grabs my wrist and pulls me into the chairs next to him and his father.

"Just nervous."

"What are they looking for?" Toga asks Inuyasha and I. He's been wringing his hands nervously, looking completely lost and perpetually silencing his phone.

"Damaged nerve tissue. He's already undergone repair surgeries that had varying success and failure, but they're seeing exactly which nerves are damaged and after that they'll find healthy nerves to replace them. They take them from areas of the body that aren't noticeable."

"Will he walk again?" Toga's voice cracks. I hold his hand, offering some reassurance. This isn't the first time I've brought a family back together. I once had a teen who smashed her mom's car up. She had a drinking and alcohol dependency and possibly the worst attitude I've ever seen. Kagura purposely made me work with her to learn empathy. To find the heart of the patient. To help her reconnect with her mother.

Come to find out that the girl's step father had been sexually abusing her at night. I nearly vomited when the girl broke down while trying to learn how to sit up again that she didn't want to go home because her step father was there. We reported the case to CPS, the man was arrested. Then began the painful job of helping the girl and her mother reconnect. It's not easy. Parents think kids are resilient and can handle anything, but that's not true. Everyone has a breaking point.

"I don't know," Inuyasha says, facing his father. "The cases that were operated on back in October are just coming back. The majority are regaining sensation. But they're all a long way from walking again. Their muscles are so deconditioned that they're going to have to start from the ground up. That's what will happen with him. Even if he gets range of motion, sensation and control back, his legs muscles have been dormant for four years. He'll have to learn to use them again and that all depends on how hard he's willing to work. My guess is, pretend the surgery is a complete success, he'd probably start walking again in another year or two once we rebuild the muscle."

"Knowing him, he'll turn it into a competition," I add in. "He's going to be fine Mr. Takahashi. You'll see."

"And we're done," the tech tells us. He pulls Sesshomaru out of the large cylinder. I go in to meet him. Our interactions are warmer since that night he spent at Miroku and Sango's. He kisses me and starts getting dressed. "Hot stuff," I make a big deal about eying him.

"Enjoying the view?"

"A little. Too bad there's something covering your bottom. Next time I think I'm going to lick those stripes on your stomach."

He shudders and nearly drops his pants. "You are a vixen."

"You're dad's waiting. Your phone rang a few times too. Here." I hand it to him. His eyes narrow in on the number and he stops dressing to listen to the message. "Who is it?"

"My mother," he doesn't sound happy. "I haven't told her yet that surgery is on the books for me." He starts rubbing his temples. I sit behind him, massaging his shoulders, something I do several times a day now to keep his arms and back from burning with the pain of constantly having to propel himself. "She must have phone privileges again."

"Does that mean you're going to be alone for Christmas?"

"Possibly. Inuyasha and Kagome are spending it with her family in New Mexico. I've gone a few times, but her in-laws house is in no way set up for the disabled."

"So you'll spend it with me and my family. We're going out of town to Powderhorn. There's a rink in Gunnison so I can still get some practice time in. I hate skiing."

"And you were going to tell me when?" he rebukes me.

"Sorry, I forgot until this morning. Sango called me to remind me about the reservation. Everyone cancels their appointments around this time. Band of Seven gave most of the staff off. Please? Come with me. It'll be fun. Romantic." I nuzzle his neck, just below his ears giving him goosebumps.

"I'd rather not face the doctors with an erection if you don't mind."

Sniggering into his back, I sit back and let him finish dressing. "Please?"

"Fine. I'll come. But it better be ADA compliant or I'm leaving."

"It is. We've been to this place plenty of times. It'll be fun."

One would think, with so much time around each other, we would have more time for things like what happened the night the pain flared up. But we don't. He's busy with his life, learning to drive, organizing his finances and days before we're meant to leave on our vacation to Powderhorn, he tells me that he can't come. "What? Why?"

We sit together after practice. Shippo and Kohaku are in the office with Kaede going over potential music. We've slowly patched a routine together, now all we need is music. Kohaku and Shippo are in charge of making sure it's the right rhythm to go with the moves, while it's my job to skate with Shippo while he shouts out the moves and does some of them with me. He can still land doubles when he wants to and makes it look almost effortless. We're halfway through planning the short program. It's almost surreal that I am committing to this again.

Leaning against Sesshomaru's shoulder, I press my mouth into his exposed arm. "I was kind of looking forward to having time with you off the ice. We've both been so busy, I feel like we haven't had time to be together."

"Together?" He tugs my chin out from his skin and asks, "is that what we are?"

"Why do you have to qualify it with words? I don't understand why that's so important to you."

"So I know that you are mine and that you won't find someone else. Why don't you want to call it something?"

"Because it doesn't need to be called something. Why can't we just be like this?"

"Because I don't know what this is!" he yells at me. "You invite me to the equivalent of your parents' home, attempt to find my…" he stumbles, "erogenous zones. That doesn't mean something?"

"Of course it means something! I told you I'm not ready for a relationship."

"No, you're just ready to act like we're in one and then emotionally hide when it's convenient." He moves away from me, heading for the door.

"Sesshomaru!"

He throws a hand up, stopping me from advancing. "Dammit," I mutter as he leaves, slamming the door behind him.

Why is it always two steps forward and one step back? Without my knowing, tears spring up in my eyes. I run into the locker room and hide in the shower, pretending like it's the shower pelting my cheeks, not my own tears.

"What do you expect from the man? No one and I mean no one but his brother has stuck by his ass in a way that's meaningful since he broke his back," Jakotsu tells me over a chocolate cake with fudge frosting and an Irish coffee. "That's going to go to your hips." I called Jak after Sesshomaru left. He gets guys, at least better than my brothers do.

"I don't care," I pout and stare at the ridiculously over the top chocolate cake in front of me.

"Yes you do care. You've got five months left to get in shape and make it count. Two bites and that's it."

"Three," I argue and lift the spoon. "You know I helped him when he was in pain. I even cathed him in his sleep."

"You touched his junk?" His face lights up. I'm reminded that Jakotsu has a massive crush on both Inuyasha and Sesshomaru.

"It's not like that. You need to get laid." I slowly lick the fork. Chocolate is amazing. It's a natural source of dopamine, which we often need to calm ourselves and feel good. "God this is so good."

"I got laid last night. Fine mother fucker. We've been together for two months now. Tall dark and chocolate. But listen, seriously Rinny, you don't get it. You saw only part of when it's bad for him. We both know what it can be like when it's really bad, but we've never had to live it. Kagura left him because she couldn't handle it."

"That's what I heard."

"No you don't get it. She came to us the next morning after he'd had this horrific stomach flu. She had hissy fit to Ban. She left him on the floor in the bathroom because she couldn't deal. Even if she had paid to hire someone to do the dirty work, she couldn't deal with it. She begged us to take him on and that's how we got him. She saw the worst and ran. In his head, you're rejecting him."

"I am not. I just…after Bya…"

"You can't keep using that asshole as an excuse to not fall in love. Do I need to break that mother fucker's knee caps to get him out of your head? Sesshomaru is an ass, but he's a nice ass. He has a nice ass, all round and shapely—"

"Jak…"

"Right…But have you really thought about what life with Sesshomaru would be like. You'd have to get IVF most likely to have babies. Stomach flus, he's in worse shape than someone who can walk. Not to mention, let's talk life expectancy, if this surgery doesn't work and he doesn't get up moving, he's going to be lucky to make it past fifty—"

"Don't say that Jak." Suddenly, I'm not so hungry. I know all too well what the statistics and data say. 10-20% don't survive the initial injury.

"The suicide rate is three times higher than the national average and even if he's in love with you, what happens when you two have a big falling out? When you get into a fight like an old married couple? If that man can't find it in himself to take the reins in his life, you're going to lose him to something else."

That just makes me fall into my hands and start crying even harder. "I love him," I whisper to Jakotsu.

"No shit. I have known you for a long time." He rubs my back in soothing motions. It all suddenly hits me why I don't want to be called a couple, or identified as his girlfriend, because if I do, everything I feel inside is going to come spilling out and then I'll be in love and if something happens it'll hurt. It already hurts. "Honey you can't hide from pain. We both know that. Our parents are watching us up in heaven saying go for it, take that love. Even if it's short lived."

I can't sleep tonight. I try watching the Notebook, but it doesn't alleviate the pain in my chest. By midnight, I get up and go to the kitchen to get some tea and cookies. Siphoning through our cabinets, I come up empty. We always have cookies, but this time I can't find them.

I duck under the sink, knocking things around, seeing if Kohaku hid any under there.

"What are you doing?" Kohaku asks me, coming out of his room half-dressed and bleary eyed.

"I can't sleep. Where are the cookies?"

"Are you having a panic attack?"

"No."

"No cookies then. But you can sleep in my room if it helps. Come on. Why are you still up?" I follow him back into his room and climb into the bed.

"Did you change the sheets last time you had sex?"

"Am I supposed to?"

"Ewww!" I shriek, about to get up until Kohaku's laughter stops me.

"Of course I changed them. Wouldn't want Ayame to figure out that Eri was here. Now, what's going on?"

"We got into a fight," I answer and curl against his back. "Why are you still single?"

"Because I can't find the right one."

"You find all the right ones, Hak. Why are you still single?"

"Are you projecting?"

"No. Maybe…"

I feel his breathing become deeper. "Love hurts. Maybe it's just easier to create shallow attachments, because if you don't fall in love, it doesn't hurt."

"Hak." I hug his shoulders. "But if you don't try, you'll be alone. Isn't there anyone?"

"I don't know. I never let anyone that close. Look you have a chance with Sesshomaru. Whatever is standing between you two, you just need to let it go. Miroku said you were getting hot heavy."

"He told you?" Can I scream into the sheets now? Nothing is sacred in my family. Mom missed my first period. Sango through a party that included Kohaku and Shippo and it felt so out of place having boys celebrate my womanhood. She'd probably do it for Kelsey and Keaton if I hadn't talked her out of it.

"Why wouldn't he? He wants to make sure you aren't hurt. We all like him. Don't be like me sis. Try to fix it, whatever it is."

"He wants me to be his girlfriend. I just…I don't know what to call it."

"If he's tonguing you—"

"Hak!" I slap his shoulder.

"Giving it a name isn't going to change what's happening between you, but if you keep avoiding it, you're going to lose him."

"I hate it when you're right."

"Now go to sleep, I have a 6am shift."

"Hak, what would our moms think of us running from love?"

"They'd want to be with us."

Sesshomaru comes at one in the afternoon to work on driving with Ren. I watch him roll past me without making eye contact and then out the back door so they can jump into his car and practice again.

The car moves more slowly this time, going in and out of the cones with more control than the last time he drove. I watch him smiling, glad that he's finally getting the hang of it.

But he's distant when he comes in and works with Suikotsu. We pass quiet hellos. The normal banter is gone. "Did you two get into a fight?" Danny asks. "You're acting like my mom and dad when they get into fights."

"You focus on yourself," Jak says, ruffling his hair. "Leave the lovebirds alone."

I want to say we aren't love birds, but I already hurt Sesshomaru last night with what I said. By the end of his session, he leaves instead of waiting for me, not giving me a chance to try to apologize or explain why I said what I did.

I text him after, asking if he's still coming tonight to practice. He answers in the affirmative.

At the rink, he's colder than ice, only giving feedback and instructions. I still don't have a solid routine to practice,d we go through drills instead. He reminds me to make sure I'm on the right edges as I practice the flying camel. I used to be able to do a complete figure eight, but I can only manage to hold it for a few seconds. Another area I'll have to improve on. "Again," he shouts across the ice.

"Okay," I mutter and pick up speed doing it again. This time I put too much weight in the front of my body and face plant. "Ow…"

"Wonderful. At any point tonight are you actually going to try or are we both wasting our time?"

The words slice me to the bone. "I am trying."

"You're falling on your face."

"Are we really going to do this?"

"Do what?" he plays stupid, making me want to slap him.

"We should talk about what happened last night."

Shaking his head, he answers, "what's to talk about? We're not dating." His face is covered in harsh lines, making me wish I had never said what I did last night. "A coach and a skater." Using his hands to turn his wheels the opposite direction, he pivots left and starts rolling away from me.

"We're more than that and you know it. Look, I'm sorry. I told you I'm not good with men. I don't have a good track record with opposite sex and maybe I'm scared."

"Scared of what?" He stops without facing me.

I skate up to him, circling in front of him. "That this isn't going to last. That you're a dream and I'm going to wake up one day and you'll be like all the other guys."

"I'm not like them. I don't need to capitalize off your fame. I have my own." He slides his thumb along my jaw, making me shiver.

"I know," I whisper, barely able to breathe as he pulls me in closer. He kisses my mouth, timidly at first and then more forcefully. "I'm sorry."

He nods, letting me go. "Again."

We finish late into the night. It's dark outside. I miss seeing the sun. I wake up before it comes up and get home long after it's set. While I stretch, Sesshomaru starts to leave. "You aren't going to keep me company?"

"You know how to cool down on your own. You don't need me."

"Sesshomaru?" I feel like something hit my gut again.

"Mother wants me to spend Christmas at rehab with her. You can video me in when you practice. I'll watch from there and give you feedback, or have one of your brothers film it."

"Okay," I breathe out, wiping my nose, forcing back the growing emotions in my throat.

"When you get back, we'll have two weeks before the surgery. It's January 17th. I'll be out for two weeks. PT will be at home."

"Who's going to take care of you?"

"I'll be fine," he cuts me off, holding his hand up in the air. It feels like whatever existed between us before is being severed, like I'm losing him. "I have my brother, my father. You don't need to worry about me, Rin. We're not dating remember? I'll see you when you get back."

Each time I open my mouth, all I can do is stutter and stammer and before I can form a coherent sentence, he's left me alone.

Please review...oh come on! Two steps forward, one step back, can these two get it together already?

Next chapter will be Sesshomaru...Surgery is getting closer, will it work? Literally if you were curious, right now with the medicine available they can restore motor function in quadraplegics. They have yet to be able to in paraplegics, but it's kind of cool. I watched a spinal surgery. It was equally parts gross and cool.

Responses:

Jenny Crum: I'm so glad you are into this story. Man Miroku, ruining the moment!

Kimmigirl9: It's exciting that Sess and his dad are getting along. But seriously Miroku!

Vilbern: Third base? Now I know what third base is. LOL stored away for later! He should have a mentor. I'm probably not going to put in this version of the story, because it should have started much earlier on. There's literally so much packed in, at some point I'm going to probably revamp this to make it even better.

CMK727: Thank you very much!

Taino Deslan: Love the new user photo! We are staying safe thank Goodness. I hope you are too and yes they did some um stuff.

Mechine: Yep I bet you could kick him. Apparently they aren't doing it in this chapter...come on!

Smmahamazing: Miroku what is your problem? Seriously! HEHE I thought it was funny. They should get to have some fun but now they're having problems again.

Angeljme: I know. There are no secrets in this family. Maybe there should be, but there aren't. Consent is everything when I write. But also with their differences, it's also a necessity. Sesshomaru needs more than the usual to be stimulated.

Guest: Thank you! Enjoy!

Shunrei Ryuzaki: Thank you! I hope you like this chapter!