Chapter 26 – Torn

Hermione glared at Draco as he let himself into her common room the next Saturday and he racked his brain to identify the source of her ire. Nothing came to mind, besides the fact that he was argumentative, sarcastic, and moody but she hadn't seemed to mind those things before, so it must be something else.

"Why didn't you use a Disillusionment charm?" she asked harshly, putting down her book and standing to face him.

There it was. He shrugged, "Relax, I used the map, no one saw me."

"You can never be too careful," Draco made to move past her, annoyed, but she caught his arm. "I mean it Draco; you're not taking this seriously."

He sighed, "Has it occurred to you that maybe I don't care to hide this anymore?"

Hermione's eyes widened, "What do you mean? We both-"

"No," Draco cut her off. "This has always been your thing. You were the one to move our sessions to your room, even before we were together. But I'm getting sick of being made to feel like your shameful secret, Hermione."

She furrowed her brow and placed a comforting hand on his arm, "I don't think of you like that, that's not why – " she cut off. "It's just hard for my friends."

"They already know," Draco pointed out.

Hermione looked down at her feet, then he remembered the one friend of hers who still didn't know about them. Fucking Weasley. "Is this still about Weasley? I thought you two were done. He's dating someone else."

She was silent for a while then said quietly, "Not anymore."

She dragged her eyes back up to meet his and Draco returned her tentative gaze with a harsh glare. She gulped, then continued, "He told me at the Anniversary that he broke up with his girlfriend and wants me back."

Draco felt his stomach drop, "And then you said…?"

Hermione dipped her head and Draco provided scornfully, "Let me guess? 'No Ron, of course I can't be with you, I'm dating Draco Malfoy.'"

Hermione looked back at him angrily then said, "You know I can't tell him."

"Why?" Draco challenged, crossing his arms as he waited for her response.

"I've told you," she said through gritted teeth.

"Tell me again."

Hermione looked away and Draco let out a breath, then felt his blood begin to boil. "Because he'll never want to be with you if he finds out we're together?"

Hermione didn't deny it, and still wouldn't look him in the eye. "And you still love him," he pressed, and she remained silent.

"Tell me Hermione," he said in a cold voice, trying to get his temper under control, "Admit you still love him."

"Of course I still love him," she said eventually, and he could see she was angry now too, though he had no idea why. Draco hadn't done anything wrong here as far as he could tell. "I never stopped loving him. But he started dating that hussy and I thought, well if he's going to do something stupid I may as –" she cut off and quickly closed her mouth, but it was too late, the words were already hanging thickly in the air between them, and the end of her sentence wasn't hard for Draco to guess. If he's going to do something stupid, I may as well too.

Draco walked past her and went to the window, breathing deeply to get his emotions under control as he watched the clouds move across the sky. He turned back and saw her studying him, the look of horror at what she'd admitted still on her face. "So that's what I am?" he bit back, "Something stupid to tide you over until Weasley is ready to pick you back up again?"

Hermione approached him, "No, that came out terribly, I just meant –"

"And then I got ill," Draco continued, piecing the series of events together in his mind. "When you were looking everywhere for me, when I was in McGonagall's office, was it to call it off so you could go running back to Weasley?"

"No, of course not," Hermione had reached Draco's spot at the window, "but –" she cut off and stepped back, leaning against the couch.

"Did you stay with me out of pity? Or because you actually wanted to be with me?"

"Draco, I – I meant what I said, I'm not ready to let you go. I mean – " she was struggling to put her thoughts into words, then continued, "I always planned to go back to Ron once he was ready for a relationship, I thought – after the school year, but now I don't know what I want."

Draco shook his head, then said darkly, "Well the expiration date on this relationship would have been nice to know."

"It's not just me who's been casual about this," she argued, "you're constantly saying you're only with me because you have no other options."

Draco rolled his eyes, "You know that's just a joke Hermione. I thought my actions were clear enough. I opened up to you, shared everything, meanwhile I'm just some dirty secret to help pass the time until you can get the guy you really want to be with."

Hermione tried a different tactic, apparently determined to show that Draco was at fault here too, "I'm not the only one hiding this. Who have you told? Blaise? Astoria? There's no way they would approve –"

"They all know. And so does my mother," he added.

Hermione was shocked, "What? How? Did you tell her?"

"Daphne did, but when she questioned me about it, I didn't deny it, and I could have easily. But had I known you were going to go straight to Weasley after graduation I could have saved myself from a few extremely uncomfortable conversations."

"But why would you…?" Hermione trailed off and she looked very confused.

"Because I fucking love you Hermione," Draco growled at her, knowing this wasn't the best way to admit this for the first time, but by then he was too hurt and angry to care. He watched her beautiful brown eyes widened in shock. Draco wanted to shake her. Did she really not know what she was to him? How had he misinterpreted this whole situation? He prided himself on his ability to read people, especially her.

Draco started pacing the room then, combing his hands roughly through his hair, "And I thought – I thought you– fuck! I was so stupid," he had never felt so embarrassed. He turned back to her and she was watching him, still looking stunned, "This was just some project of yours. Like the house-elves. Help the Death Eater, then go on to the next thing, troll rights, fair payment for the school ghosts, breaks for the thestrals…"

Hermione snapped out of her trance then and started to approach him, "Draco, of course that's not what this –"

He backed away from her and made for the door, "If this is going to end I don't see any point in stretching it out for four more weeks," he opened the door quickly and practically dove into the hall, he had to get away from her.

"No, plea-" her voice was cut off then by the slamming of the door behind him.

Hermione had her head turned over the bathtub and was scrubbing at the mud caked in her hair. Her movements were becoming frantic as she dug her fingers into her scalp, and she tried to calm her breathing.

Breathe in and breathe out, Hermione. It's okay, you're going to be fine. Breathe in... breathe out...

She stopped scrubbing then and stared into the bathtub at the mud splatters on the white porcelain. She'd gone to Hogsmeade earlier to restock some potions ingredients and on her way out of the Apothecary someone had shouted, "Stick with your own kind, Mudblood!" then hit her with a giant pile of mud. The person had Disapparated immediately, so she hadn't seen what they looked like. She wasn't even sure if it had been a witch or a wizard.

She took a deep breath, then began rubbing her head again, the mud was caked across her neck and she sighed, she'd have to undress and take a full bath to get it all out. She rose and looked into the mirror, she looked a mess.

Her hair was wet and dirty, and the mud was dripping down her neck and smeared across her face in places too. And her eyes were still puffy from crying after her fight with Draco that morning. Draco.

Whoever had thrown that mud had done this because she was with him. Well, they didn't even know for sure, their action was based off a stupid picture in the Prophet. What would they do if she and Draco actually came out as dating? Hermione couldn't believe there were still people out there who would hate her for her blood status, but she knew all of those beliefs hadn't magically disappeared following Voldemort's death.

She sighed and removed her robe. Just then Ginny entered her common room and Hermione slammed the door to the bathroom, but not quick enough. Ginny ran over and opened the door, "What happened?"

Hermione burst out crying then and took a seat on the edge of the tub. Ginny joined her and started rubbing her back comfortingly while Hermione explained the stupid attack.

Ginny pulled Hermione to standing, then conjured a cushion on the floor and told Hermione to sit down. She had Hermione lean her head back over the tub and Ginny started washing her hair. It was really relaxing, and she couldn't remember the last time someone had washed her hair. While Ginny moved her fingers through Hermione's curls she said, "You need to tell Harry."

"No," Hermione said, "You know he'll just do something rash, and I didn't see them. I only heard their voice, that's not enough to go on."

Ginny sighed, but didn't argue, "Okay, I think I got all of the mud, let me just rinse this." When she was done, she grabbed a towel and patted Hermione's hair dry, then wrapped it around her neck before pulling her back up to sitting. Then she used a wet washcloth to wipe the mud off of Hermione's face and neck.

"Clean," Ginny declared, tossing the washcloth into the sink. Then she sat on the ground next to Hermione and asked, "Well what about your boyfriend? Will you at least tell him? It's only fair, since I'm assuming he's the reason this happened."

"It's not – "

"I know, it's not his fault there are still so many bigots out there. But you should still tell him."

Tears started to fall from Hermione's eyes again, "He might not be my boyfriend anymore. We had a row last night."

Ginny shrugged, "So? You fight all the time."

"This one was different."

"What happened?"

Hermione sighed, then stood up, "Let's go in here." She guided them out of the bathroom and moved to the couch. Ginny sat next to her and looked back at her expectantly. Hermione was fiddling with the end of the towel that was still wrapped around her neck, then said in a near whisper, "Your brother said he loved me and wants me back."

Ginny nodded, "I know."

Hermione should have guessed, there wasn't much that went on around Ginny that she didn't know about. "Well, now Draco knows too."

"That's what your fight was about? He was mad about Ron?"

"He – well I – admitted that I was torn, about who I wanted to be with. And, well I said it in a pretty bad way, I was just caught off guard. But Draco told me he loved me," Hermione added with a sad smile.

"He did?"

"Yeah, but it wasn't very eloquent, there were a few swear words in there, and a lot of yelling."

"I bet," Ginny nodded knowingly. "Do you –" she hesitated, "Do you love him back?"

Hermione started to cry again, "Yes."

Ginny let out a long breath, then put her hand on Hermione's leg, "Are you sure? Are you sure this isn't about helping him or trying to reform him? You really love him?"

Hermione nodded back at her, "I do. I love both of them. I never –" she buried her face in her hands, "God, I'm one of those stupid witches with two great guys who just feels miserable and sorry for herself because she can't pick one."

Ginny scoffed, "One great guy, and one git – let's be clear on that."

Hermione laughed, then asked, "What do I do?"

Ginny shook her head, "You know I am way too biased to answer that. But, well, you need to do what feels right to you. Don't consider what I want, or Harry, or Ron or Malfoy. Don't even worry about the idiot pureblood who threw mud at you today. What do you want, Hermione? Who do you want to be with?"

Hermione considered the question. She had always been able to answer hard questions, the more difficult, the better. But in this case, she was at a complete loss.

Later that night Hermione found herself outside Draco's dormitory under Harry's invisibility cloak. Ginny tried to get her to join her for dinner with Harry and Ron, but Hermione declined, explaining that she needed to clear things up with Draco. She'd asked to borrow the cloak then and Ginny had handed it over grudgingly, clearly not wanting to assist her in patching things up with him.

After Ginny left Hermione sat in her room for hours trying to think of what she'd say to Draco. She'd meant to stop by his room during waking hours, but it wasn't until midnight when she finally worked up the courage to leave her room and go find him. Draco told her Blaise and Jones spent most weekends away, but she performed a quick Homenum Revelio charm to be sure. Yep, just one person in there. She sighed, then opened the door.

Draco was lying in bed, but he wasn't asleep. He was staring up at the ceiling and jumped up to sitting when the door opened and grabbed his wand. Hermione rushed to pull off the cloak once she was inside so he could see it was her before he shot off any hexes.

Draco shook his head, then put his wand back and watched her approach his bed. When she got there, he pulled his legs up and wrapped his arms around them. Hermione recognized this as his defensive stance.

She sat on the bed, then said quietly, "I love you too."

His eyes narrowed, "You love Weasley."

Hermione moved to face him and propped her head on his knees. "I love both of you, but right now, I'm with you. And I'd like to keep that going if it's okay with you."

Draco picked up a hand and started tracing her hairline, then his hand froze, and she saw that he was reliving a memory. When it ended, he pulled away from her and leaned against his headboard, stretching his legs in front of him. She crawled so she was next to him and leaned back to sit on her heels.

"You should be with him," Draco whispered, avoiding her eyes, "He's good. He's proven he loves you. He fought for you while I sat back and watched you get tortured, bullied you, and used you. There's no scenario where picking me makes sense," a tear fell from his eye and Hermione wiped it away, but he still avoided her gaze, looking intently out into the lake instead. "Just go to him now, it's really okay with me. I shouldn't have yelled, I was just sad about losing you before. But the truth is I don't deserve you."

Hermione turned his head, so he was facing her, "I disagree."

"I thought you were supposed to be bright."

"Come on, Draco. I – I've been putting off this decision about Ron, but – well, it really isn't much of a decision. I'm with you, and I'm happy, and I love you. There's no reason to end this right now."

"I don't want to win by default, Hermione," he pulled her hand down from his face and linked his fingers into hers.

"What do you mean?"

He played with her fingers in his hand for a few seconds, then answered, "I know you. You're loyal and persistent. It's not in your nature to give up on anything, and I'm worried that's what you'll be doing if you stayed with me. Just – pick who you want, don't just stick around because I happen to be the one you're with right now. If you did, pick me," he gave an expression like this was highly unlikely, "It should be unconditional. So if things were reversed, and you were with Weasley, you'd leave him to be with me. Does that make sense?"

She looked down at their entwined hands and said a little bitterly, "Of course. One thing I hate about debating with you is that your arguments are always logical and well thought-out."

He put a finger under her chin and lifted her head, so she was looking back up at him. "So, who do you want Hermione?"

His eyes were filled with a devastating mixture of tenderness and sorrow. "I don't know," she breathed back in response.

He looked annoyed at that and turned away again. "Are you – are you leaving to be a curse breaker?" He hadn't mentioned his application since his Occlumency issues, and she didn't know if this was still his plan.

Draco shook his head, "I didn't get into the program."

"What? How not? There is no one more qualified in our year."

"It doesn't matter," Draco shrugged, but she saw him look down at his Dark Mark and wondered if it was related to that in any way. "And it's irrelevant here," he continued, "It shouldn't factor into your decision."

He was right. Hermione had been hoping for an easy out, but she had to make a clear decision, that was best for everyone. But she had no idea who she wanted to be with. "I'm not ready to decide. Can we just enjoy this last month until graduation? Aren't you always telling me to live in the moment? I don't know if I want you or Ron after school, but," she bit her lip, then continued, "I do know I'm not ready to let you go right now."

Draco considered her for an impossibly long time. She tried to convey as much feeling as she could with her eyes while he watched her. Eventually he said, "I told you I'd stay for as long as you'll let me."

She let out a sigh of relief and kissed him. He responded ardently, burying his hands in her hair and pulling her to him possessively. Hermione pushed back, wanting to cover one more point before they both got too distracted, "Wait, I wanted to say one more thing." Draco rolled his eyes and she continued, "I'm going to tell Ron."

Surprisingly, Draco frowned, then shook his head. "Don't, not now."

"Really Draco, I'm not ashamed – "

"I appreciate the sentiment, but we have exams in a few weeks, and I know you're already stressed. You don't need Weasley's reaction, which I'm sure will be extreme, interfering with your study schedule. And I know if I'm the reason you don't earn all seven N.E.W.T.s you'll never forgive me," he added with a smirk.

"Really?" Hermione was a little relieved.

"Really, you don't have to tell him. You can wait until after exams."

"Thank you. So – uh, are we okay? For now?"

Draco looked back at her for a long while, then sighed and said with a smirk, "One condition."

He pulled her onto his lap, and she crossed her arms, "Nothing dirty."

He rubbed her hips then and asked, "What happened to living in the moment?"

Hermione was suddenly nervous, "Draco, I'm not ready-"

"Relax Hermione, I'm not talking about sex. Just stay here tonight."

"Here?"

"Yeah, you can fulfill your fantasy of sleeping in a Slytherin boy's dormitory."

She rolled her eyes, "I have never had that fantasy."

Draco shrugged, "Well that's my condition. If you want me put up with your bossiness and incessant need to be right all of the time for the next month, then you know what you have to do."

Hermione shook her head, but she was glad he wasn't sad anymore, "Fine." She moved off of him and crawled under the covers. His bed was smaller than hers so both of them couldn't comfortably lay on their backs. Draco solved this problem by rolling Hermione onto her side and pulling her against his chest.

They laid in silence for a while, then Draco whispered into her hair, "I'm not ready to let you go either," he gripped her tighter against his chest. Tears fell from Hermione's eyes and she choked back, "Then don't."

Hermione left as soon as they woke up the next morning, eager to get back to the safety of her room before she was discovered. Draco went to the Great Hall then, since he hadn't been in ages, and enjoyed a warm breakfast for a change. He was in his room sorting through his laundry and stuffing his bag with clean clothes to bring to Hermione's room when Blaise walked in.

He sat on the bed and watched Draco pack his bag with his arms crossed, then said, "You know I know where you go, right?"

Draco shrugged, "I know you're not stupid, Blaise."

"Is that why you fed me that lie about the Forbidden Forest?" he snapped back.

Draco shrugged again, "I do spend a lot of time in there."

"But that's not where you sleep."

"No," Draco sighed, then added, "I think it's obvious why I didn't want to tell you."

Blaise uncrossed his arms and picked up an old Quaffle from his nightstand and started throwing it in the air, "Because she's a muggle-born?" Draco nodded. "I never cared about that bullshit, I date muggles, you know that."

"I don't think I'd call that dating," Draco pointed out.

"Ah, you've been with a witch for a few months and now you're suddenly the expert on dating?" Blaise teased.

Draco frowned, "I was with Pansy for years."

"That does not count."

Draco agreed. "Well, with me and Granger, I guess I assumed you'd be disgusted, or at least unsupportive."

Blaise shrugged, continuing to throw the ball, "I think the most important thing right now, especially after that war, is to enjoy life. For me, that means drinking copious amounts of alcohol and shagging countless women. For you, it seems to mean studying way too much and taking up with a muggle-born you used to hate. We all have our thing I guess."

Draco watched Blaise throw the Quaffle and considered his words. Since when had Blaise become so blasé? He smirked at the word play, that was something Hermione would appreciate. But then again, Blaise had been a good friend this year, Draco was just too distracted to notice. "Hey, I meant to ask, did I get a lot of hate mail delivered here following that article?"

Blaise stopped throwing the Quaffle and nodded back at Draco, "I took care of them for you. There were a few howlers Jones and I had to suffer through, but the rest burned easily."

Draco nodded, "Thanks." Blaise was a good friend, he decided. He felt guilty for completely abandoning him for Hermione. They had had fun flying and messing around before he'd started spending all his time in the Head Girl dormitory. Draco put his bag on the floor, then stretched out on his bed, "Toss me that."

Blaise cocked an eyebrow at him, then threw the Quaffle, "Your girlfriend won't mind? Looks like that's where you were headed when I came in."

Draco shrugged and tossed the ball back, "She'll probably be relieved for the time alone to study," he said honestly. "She says I'm distracting," he added.

Blaise smirked, "Feel free to elaborate on the ways you and our Head Girl distract each other, mate."

Draco responded by throwing the Quaffle back as hard as he could.

They spent the next few hours catching up on the past few weeks. Blaise talked about the new witches he hooked up with and some new pubs he'd discovered in London, then his plans to travel the world after school. Draco gave Blaise an update on his Occlumency problems (leaving out the detail of the memories he'd been reliving) and explained how he couldn't fly anymore. Then he told him about his rejected curse-breaker application.

"Why do you think they denied it?" They were playing the bubble game now and Blaise was floating two bubbles toward Draco.

Draco shrugged, "There was a massacre at Gringotts during the war, right after Potter escaped. I was there, I mean, I didn't do anything, but some of the goblins at Gringotts now heard I was there and – well, assumed." Draco hadn't told Hermione this part, not wanting to remind her of any of the memories he'd shared.

Blaise thought about this, then suggested, "Work for free. We both know this is more about the job for you than the money."

"What?" Draco floated both bubbles back toward Blaise.

"Everyone knows goblins are greedy as shit, so if you offer to work for free, they won't be able to resist."

Draco hadn't considered this, but it could work. The goblins would appreciate the hit to his pride and would have a hard time passing up a skilled wizard willing to work under a goblin for no pay. "That's actually brilliant," he admitted.

"It's been known to happen on occasion," Blaise smirked at him and Draco decided to try and spend a little more time in his room before term ended.

The next week passed with a lot of revising for exams. Hermione barely slept, pouring over study materials for the N.E.W.T.s next week. Draco helped her as much as he could, but he didn't have the stamina to keep up with her rigid study schedule. He went out with Blaise on occasion when he needed a break, but she powered on, knowing she'd regret it later if she hadn't done everything in her power to prepare.

Ginny had convinced her to take a short break on Saturday, wanting to go to Diagon Alley and get a new broom for her professional Quidditch league tryouts in a few months. Hermione agreed, but was annoyed when Ginny pulled her into a clothing store.

"Come on, just one peek Hermione, then we'll get right back to school, I promise."

Hermione was looking through a rack of scarves magically charmed to provide extra heat or cooling depending on the outside temperature, ensuring the wearer was always comfortable. Her mother would love this since she was always complaining about how hot it was in Australia, making it so she couldn't wear a lot of the cozy clothes she'd loved while living in England. Too bad she despises magic, Hermione thought bitterly, putting the scarf she was holding back.

"Are you Hermione Granger?" Hermione nodded back at a dark-haired witch a few years older than her, hoping she wouldn't have to sign a chocolate frog card.

"I'm a big fan," the witch said, but Hermione thought that seemed unlikely judging by the disapproving glint in her eye. She marched up to Hermione then and tossed a black scarf around her neck. Hermione jumped back but the witch held her with the scarf and muttered, "You are quite pretty, actually. I guess you'd have to be to catch the eye of Draco Malfoy."

Hermione noticed then that the witch's nose appeared blurry and warning bells went off in her head. But before she could respond the witch threw the ends of the scarf around Hermione's neck and disapparated on the spot.

Hermione tried to take the scarf off, but it wouldn't budge. She turned to the mirror on her left to check it and it started to tighten quickly around her neck. She was having trouble breathing now and reached for her wand and thought Finite Incantatum as loudly and clearly as possible. The scarf loosened and she pulled it off.

Ginny came to her side then and asked, "Oh, are you getting that?"

Hermione looked back at her friend in alarm, "It almost strangled me!"

Ginny looked suspiciously at the scarf Hermione was still holding, "What?"

Hermione threw the scarf to the ground and ignited it on fire, then explained what had just occurred to a very confused Ginny.

"We need to tell Harry this time Hermione," Ginny said seriously once Hermione finished.

Hermione nodded; she was right. Mud in her hair was one thing, but this was dangerous, she could have been hurt. "You should tell Malfoy too," Ginny added.

"No," Hermione snapped.

"Why not? He should know."

"He's got enough going on, just – let's go tell Harry. But, I really hope he keeps it short; I have to get back to revising."

Ginny shook her head, "You really need to sort out your priorities Hermione."

The first week of exams passed quickly. Draco was fairly certain he'd done well on the Defense and Arithmancy tests, but had incorrectly Transfigured his legs into a shark tail during his practical examination earlier that day, so he was sure he wouldn't get an O in that subject. But maybe an E, especially since he thought he did okay on the written portion. He only had three more exams left next week.

He, she-Weasley, and Hermione were in her room celebrating a successful week (at she-Weasley's insistence, Hermione just wanted to study more) with a drinking game using an exploding snap deck. The card Hermione had just pulled snapped in her hand, then she shook her head and took a swig of butterbeer.

This game really worked best with fire whiskey, Draco had pointed out, but Hermione had forbidden it, since she needed to get in a full day of revising tomorrow. "What's your favorite color?" she asked Draco out of nowhere and he smirked when he saw she-Weasley roll her eyes.

Hermione did this sometimes, asked him random questions about his likes and dislikes. He wondered if she was putting together some Draco Malfoy reference book. He carefully pulled the next card, then said, "Grey."

"Grey is not a color, Draco."

"It is so," he argued back. "What color are my eyes Hermione?" he leaned toward her and opened his eyes wide.

Hermione glared back at him but didn't answer and Weasley chimed in, "He has a point." Just then her card snapped, and she huffed, then took a swig of butterbeer.

"I still don't think it counts," Hermione muttered.

"You might change your mind if you knew why it was my favorite color."

She looked back at him skeptically, then said, "Well enlighten us then."

"I like to think there are no absolutes in the world. No one is completely good or evil, right or wrong, black or white. All of us are living in between, in varying shades of grey."

Hermione's eyes softened and she gave him a warm smile, then kissed him on the cheek, "You're right, that's beautiful."

"It's complete bullshit, isn't it?" Weasley asked.

Draco smirked back at her, "Yes."

Hermione pushed him then and all the cards in his hand exploded. "Shit!" he dropped them quickly and both girls laughed. He downed the rest of his butterbeer, then vanished the empty bottle.

"Are we all out?" Weasley asked.

"Looks like it."

"Hermione, can you go get us more from the kitchen?"

Hermione looked back at her defiantly, "You go get them."

"Well I would just call a house elf, but we all know how you feel about that, so I think you should be the one to go."

"Fine," Hermione got up and marched into the hall, then Draco looked back at Weasley questioningly.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Clever way to get her to leave so we can be alone, but I told you already, I'm taken, Weasley. And red hair doesn't do it for me anyway."

She snorted, "I don't know what you're talking about."

Draco waved his wand and the wadded-up balls of parchment at her feet transformed back into full, unopened bottles of butterbeer. Weasley shook her head and muttered, "Slytherin," then settled back into the couch and fixed Draco with a calculating stare.

He leaned back on the couch and propped his legs up on the table, "Just say what you want to say, Weasley."

She sighed, then asked, "Did Hermione tell you anything about our trip to Diagon Alley last week?"

Draco shrugged, "You went to get a broom, then forced her to go to a clothing store."

"And she didn't mention why she was late getting back?"

Draco had thought it odd that it took three hours to visit two stores, "No, but I'm guessing you're about to tell me."

"Hermione was attacked."

His eyes widened and he sat up, "What?"

"Some dark-haired witch she didn't know was talking to her about you, wondering what you saw in her, then she wrapped a scarf around her and disappeared while the scarf nearly strangled Hermione."

Draco was silent for a moment, "Was it because of the article?"

"Definitely."

Why hadn't she told him?

"And it wasn't the first attack," Weasley continued.

"Wait, how many have there been? Why didn't she tell me?" he stood then and started pacing the room.

"The first one was just after you were sick," he looked at her sharply, but she didn't look alarmed or disgusted, Hermione must not have told her the full extent of his "sickness." "Someone threw mud at her in Hogsmeade."

"Original," Draco said sourly, then sat back on the couch.

"We talked to Harry and Ron but unfortunately there's not much they can do. This type of thing has actually been fairly common since the war ended. And the dark-haired witch was most definitely using a disguising –"

"Potter and your brother knew, but not me?" Draco cut in.

Weasley shrugged, "She said you had a lot going on."

Draco's eyes narrowed, "Why are you telling me then?"

"I think you should know."

"Why?"

"Hermione and you will have a really hard time out there," she pointed toward the window. "All of this is just a reaction to a picture in the paper where you two were barely touching. What happens when you're out in the open kissing and holding hands? Going to events together? This is going to be really difficult."

Draco sneered back at her, "If you expect me to back down, you're out of luck. I don't care about any of that stuff, and neither does she."

"Good. Hermione is a very strong witch, and she needs a partner who's just as strong," Weasley said in a challenging tone.

"And you don't think I'm strong enough for her?"

"I honestly don't know. But I want to make sure you know what you're getting into with this relationship. And if you're not willing to handle the fallout, you need to let her go."

Draco shook his head, then propped his legs back up on the table. Draco was willing to handle any repercussions that would come with dating Hermione. She had already joined his mother on the list of people he'd do anything for. She-Weasley was staring back at him and he didn't think she was trying to scare him away. She just wanted to make sure he was prepared for what he and Hermione would be facing after school. But that wasn't the part of her confrontation that bothered him. That night, when he laid next to Hermione in bed, the part of she-Weasley's story that kept him up was how Hermione had told Potter and Weasley and not Draco.

She said you had a lot going on.

Hermione thought Draco was weak and unable to handle this, so she'd gone to Weasley for support instead. Was that an indication that she was leaning toward picking Weasley? The wizard she felt safe with? He was good, an Auror. And he also wasn't falling apart, on the brink of losing his mind, and causing her to be attacked in public.

Draco sighed and turned to look at Hermione. Her eyes were moving behind her eyelids, so he knew she was dreaming. Was she dreaming about him?

Hermione is a very strong witch, and she needs a partner who's just as strong.

Was he strong enough for her? He laid on his side, watching her sleep while he considered the question. But he failed to arrive at an answer before he lost consciousness.

The night after their last exam, Hermione and Draco were laying in her bed while she talked through their practical Potions assessment from earlier that day. Draco listened patiently and played with a few of her curls.

"I added four lacewing flies, even though I know the book calls for three. But I remembered you saying the flies we have in our stores are smaller than typical, and I think the last fly really gave the potion that darker blue hue it's meant to have. Do you think they'll dock points since I didn't follow the book?"

Draco smiled at her and shook his head, "I added four too. And I think they only care about the final result, not how you got there. You got an O, Hermione, and there's nothing else you can do now anyway, so relax."

She smiled back at him and saw him furrow his brow as he twirled one of her curls around his finger, "What's wrong?"

He looked back at her seriously, "Why didn't you tell me about the attacks?"

How did he – ? Ginny. Hermione sighed, "I didn't want to worry you. They were nothing, really."

"You worried Potter and Weasley about it," Draco said bitterly.

"I told them because they're Aurors," she argued.

"We both know that's not the only reason."

She couldn't argue with that and just said, "I'm sorry."

"I shared everything with you Hermione, I want you to do the same with me."

Hermione nodded, then turned to her side and put a hand on his cheek, "You're right, I will from now on."

He hesitated before asking his next question, "How are you – uh – feeling about the attacks, and the hate mail? I know, um, you struggled with the school's response to the article to start."

Hermione moved her hand and started running her fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes and waited for her reply. "I was stupid then and I'm sorry I let everyone get to me. And I truly don't care about the attacks. I mean, I'm hurt that people still think of me as disgusting and filthy, but I can't do anything to change all of that."

He was quiet as she continued to rub his head, then eventually opened his eyes and whispered, "You shouldn't have to deal with attacks, Hermione. I'm not sure I'm worth all that trouble."

"You are," she said boldly, then she pulled her hand away and hesitated before her next remark.

"Spit it out Granger."

She smiled back at him. "I agreed to tell Ron about us after exams. Well that's now. I can tell him this weekend."

Draco shook his head, "Just wait."

"Why?"

He sighed, "If you don't pick me, then these are our last two weeks together. Let's not muck it up by angering Weasley."

A few hours later Hermione was awoken by Crookshanks pawing at the door. She'd forgotten to let him out earlier. She rose and quickly opened the door for him then crawled back into bed with Draco. He was laying on his side facing her and she watched him sleep. He looked so calm like this, she wished he could look like this more often, but in his waking hours he was usually so troubled. The memories flashing before his eyes unbidden didn't help, she knew. But he'd get there, she was sure. It could take years, but maybe one day waking Draco would look more like this, completely at ease.

His eyes fluttered open then and he shot her a sleepy smile, then said, "You're creepy. Do you watch me sleep every night?"

She shrugged, "I like how calm you look."

He grabbed her waist and pulled her close so she was just inches away from him, then kissed her on the forehead, "It's all because of you. Believe me, I was not sleeping calmly before."

She listened to his breathing slow then and when she thought he was asleep again placed a small kiss on his neck, then went to shift back to her pillow. The hand that was still on her hip tightened then and he whispered, "Choose me, Hermione."

His eyes were still closed and his breathing was even, she wondered if the words had come from his subconscious. She gave him another kiss, then pulled out of his grasp and moved back to her spot to watch him more.

She was sorry he'd found out about the attacks. She'd been hoping to shield him from that drama, at least for a few more weeks. You shouldn't have to deal with attacks. I'm not sure I'm worth all that trouble.

"You are Draco," she whispered. She still wasn't sure who she wanted more, Draco or Ron, but she knew she wasn't going to let any stupid attacks factor into her decision.

Hermione laughed when Draco walked into her room that next Saturday. "That's what you're wearing?"

He looked down at his outfit, confused, "What? Slacks, shirt," he pointed at each article of clothing, "I'm allowed to wear these in the muggle world."

"Sure, but you look so formal," she looked down at her jeans and flowy cotton top, "Look at me."

Draco pulled at the frills on her sleeve, "I would look a little ridiculous in this," he pointed out.

"You don't have jeans?" she asked, then realized that she'd never seen him in jeans before.

Draco shrugged, "When would I have an occasion to wear jeans?"

"What do you wear when you're just hanging around your house?"

Draco motioned toward his current outfit and looked back at her like she was stupid.

"Really?"

"My family is very formal Hermione, I thought you knew that."

"Among other things," she muttered under her breath and he cocked his head at her.

"Is it not a muggle custom to be nice to people on their birthday?" he pulled her into a kiss and she put her hands into the back pockets of his too-formal pants and pulled him close, "Happy Birthday Draco," she whispered in his ear.

He leaned back so he could look into her face, "Where are we going then?"

"It's still a surprise, but we should go, we're Apparating somewhere from outside the gates."

They spent the rest of the day at a nearby muggle town. Hermione thought Draco would put up more of a fuss about having to spend his birthday surrounded by muggles, but he seemed to truly enjoy himself. He admitted that besides a few trips to some pureblood run restaurants with his mother, he hadn't been in public since his trial.

Draco looked a bit out of place to her in the muggle world. Besides the fact that he was overdressed, he seemed so obviously magical to her, especially surrounded by muggles. She smiled each time he grabbed for the wand that she knew was strapped to his forearm, like he was making sure it was still there.

She took him to a muggle action film after lunch and he nearly blasted a hex at the screen when a robot appeared out of nowhere. She'd laughed out loud then and had been shushed by the man in front of them. Draco had glared angrily back at her, then spent the rest of the film sulking with his arms crossed. He did admit by the end that the film was mildly entertaining, while also managing to be completely terrifying.

Now they were walking through a park hand in hand and Draco bent to kiss Hermione on the top of her head. They had both been more affectionate toward each other than typical today, enjoying the freedom of being able to act like a couple in public. Hermione was steering them toward a secluded spot in a copse of trees where they could Disapparate from when she stopped, catching a glint of copper on the sidewalk.

"Oh look, a penny!" she went to bend over, then stopped herself and looked back at Draco, "Pick it up."

He twisted his face in protest, "No, it's filthy."

Hermione looked around them, then pulled out her wand and shot the penny with a quick cleaning charm before burying her wand back in her bag. "Ok, it's fine now, pick it up!"

He bent over and grabbed the penny, then looked back at her expectantly, "What? Is this really valuable or something?"

Hermione shook her head and laughed, "No, it's the lowest value coin in the muggle currency actually, I doubt that would buy you anything. But it's lucky to find one on the street. 'Find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck.'"

Draco looked back at her warily, "You're a nutter Hermione. Real wizards make their own luck."

"That's such a Malfoy thing to say."

Draco was holding the penny out away from him. "What am I supposed to do with it? Now that I picked it up, can I toss it?"

"No!"

"Well it's not like I can ever spend it, you just said it's worthless. And I don't frequent muggle establishments anyway."

Hermione crossed her arms and grinned back at him before saying, "Well I wasn't able to get you the birthday present I'd planned on time, so that'll have to do instead. And I expect you to keep it forever," she added teasingly.

He raised his eyebrow at her, "Forever? I didn't realize what I was committing to when I bent to pick up this scrap of metal."

"Okay, maybe not forever," she conceded, "Just as long as you're with me, how's that?"

Draco's eyes darkened, "Okay, I can commit to holding on to this for another two weeks."

She swatted his arm and gave him a peck on the cheek, "Don't talk like that."

His eyes were serious and sad when he looked back at her, "I'll keep it as long as I love you, how about that? It'll definitely be more than two weeks," he added.

Hermione gave him a sad smile, wishing she could comfort him more. But she was more torn than ever about her decision. "Sometimes you're really sweet Draco," she said instead.

"Well yeah," he pocketed the coin then, "I need to balance out the other 90% of the time when I'm an absolute prat, right?"

"Exactly," Hermione linked her arm with his and they continued down the path toward the trees.

A/N: First off, I was worried picking up pennies for luck on the street was an American thing that didn't extended to Britain. But according to the internet, it does, so hopefully that's the case in real life.

Oh Hermione, she's really got to figure out what she wants and is quickly running out of time.