Here is the new chapter! I hope you'll enjoy it!
Odeveca : I like tothink that when I'll be completely done with the fanfic, if someone has the courage to reread it, they'll find lots of clues left at the beginning for what is going to happen. And lots of parallels!Thank you for your comment!
FANFICTION
A COURT OF NIGHTMARES AND LIGHT
PART II – THE DAY COURT
CHAPTER XVII : Magical Moments
Elain was gone and far away, in another part of the Day Court, before Lucien had time to even consider the idea of being away from her. He had known about it – unlike her – and he had had time to prepare himself. It wasn't the first time they would spend time away from each other, and they had spent longer time on much further distance than a little winnowing in the same court for a few hours… but it still… weighted. It was as if the bound became taunt. He felt pulled towards the west where he knew she was. Lucien actually needed to grind his teeth and dig his heels in the ground to not instinctively winnow back to Elain.
"–which is why I believe it's a game of several spells that are intricately woven into each other. Some parts might cancel each other while other aspects are strengthened with this multi-layered spell." Helion explained.
Lucien realised that the others had continued the conversation while he was spacing out.
"Mm mm," Feyre nodded.
Lucien could tell she hadn't quite understood what Helion had explained – for all of her talents and insane ability to learn fast and well, she had never learned spells. Not the way a High Fae would, not through theories, understanding and practice. The magic that the High Fae were capable of was centred on sensations. After learning the theories behind magic and basic spells, a young High Fae would spend hours and hours and hours focusing on the magical energies around them, and the energy within them. It was only once the High Fae had connected and understood those types of magic that he could shape that raw energy into spells, more or less complicated depending on the High Fae's rank, power, studying and abilities.
Very early in his life, Lucien had managed to tape into the prythian energies. He quickly learned how to manipulate magic and do basic spells. His brothers had become jealous very fast, which only worsened when Lucien studied that domain more and more and got better than any of them. Only Eris, maybe, might have a similar level to his. But when Eris, or anyone else in his family, had learned various necessary spells such as winnowing, they had mostly focused on fire-based power. No one else in Prythian knew or understood fire magic better than them, it was in their blood, after all. It was their power, that flew in the Autumn Court and that they had inherited. Lucien, on the other hand, had tried learning as many spells as possible. After a few years, he started trying out more complex spells – and that was when he started having difficulties. His professors stopped teaching him, insisting that he had reached his magical limits and that he didn't need to know any more spells (but Lucien knew it was Eris, or his father who had insisted on blocking him). His magic abilities felt like a deep, deep well hidden in the core of his soul – but it had been covered by a solid and thick seal to keep him from diving into the raw source of his power. Reading only got him so far and the few times he went further than what his body could handle, he bitterly regretted it (his brothers always ended up disappointed that he'd survive his own magical self-inflinged destruction). It was only after his mother had given him a long talk on how he was going too far, using too much power that his body couldn't handle, that he stopped executing spells that were above his abilities. Which didn't mean he ever stopped reading about it.
He wasn't from the Day Court, he didn't have the raw power and sheer abilities that its High Lords inherited for spells and magic, but he liked to think that he knew the theories of spells and magic as thoroughly as any Day Court scholar. It was just frustrating that he couldn't execute any of it, express himself, because he didn't have enough magical energy to carry out those more complex spells. It was like a cage that contained him and his ambition.
Which made Feyre's ability to do any magic without any difficulty and practice all the more infuriating. For all her flaws, she was his friend and he respected her as such, as a saviour, and as a High Lady… but it wasn't fair. She had it all already, she had enough, didn't she?
And so, now that they had winnowed to the southern library picked by Helion for its contents, they were all pouring over piles of books of spells. Every page was more difficult, intricate and complex and even he had to reread some passages. It didn't help that Feyre asked him every three lines some question that, if she had properly learned magic as a normal High Fae, a youngling could answer to.
Lucien was diving deep into a particularly interesting spell about the layering structure of several spells woven together when he heard Feyre turn to him. The slight move of her clothes, her attention moving away from the book she was reading – it was enough to make him sigh terribly.
"What is it this time?" he snapped, putting his book down to look at her.
Feyre opened and closed her lips at his tone, staring back, offended that he'd have the nerves to talk her down. He was still centuries older than her damn it.
"Darn, Amren is right, you and Elain really need to let out all that frustration once and for all…" Feyre muttered, as if that was what was getting on Lucien's nerves.
It was his turn to gape at her for that senseless remark.
"Really? Do you really think this is what would make me sigh right now? The mating frustration between Elain and me? I don't even know how she came up in the conversation!" Lucien answered, his hands shooting upwards in annoyance.
"Both you and Elain have been just so… so… so riled up at the slightest thing lately." Feyre continued, still unaware of Lucien's sentiments.
"Maybe what's riling us up isn't our mating bond, but everyone else trying to control us."
"What controlling?!" she spoke up suddenly, momentarily forgetting that they were in a library.
Helion glanced up from afar, now keeping an eye on the scene – they had the whole library for themselves, so they didn't have to worry too much about bothering wrinkly scholars but still, a loud library sounded wrong.
"Where should I start, Feyre? I am aware that everything you do is out of care for your sisters and the ones you consider your family, for your court. You mean well but you don't think of what is good for Elain in particular, you don't know her– she is capable of thinking and speaking up for herself, she doesn't need you to spoon-feed her–"
"She doesn't?" Feyre interrupted, standing up suddenly, "Who risked her life for years going out into the woods just to put some food on the table while Nesta and Elain never did a thing?! Who sacrificed herself for their sakes? Who sacrificed herself for all Prythian?! I ruined my soul and killed my human self Under the Mountain – and now you and Nesta and Elain and everyone else have the nerves to ask me to be… to be–"
"We're not asking you to be anything, we're not asking you any more sacrifices, Feyre! We never– damn it, we never intended for you to suffer the affairs of our courts and the war against Hybern, you were dragged into this against your will! But so were Nesta and Elain!" Lucien exclaimed, voice rising as well.
"And whose fault was it?! Who literally dragged my sisters into the Cauldron?!" Feyre hissed, glaring at him, "Ianthe did it, but Tamlin and–"
Lucien moved so quickly that he himself couldn't tell if it was his legs or his winnowing that took him so physically close to Feyre. Nose to nose, he looked down to her. The burning embers of his destructive rage woke up from its slumber in the depth of his soul.
Feyre had the decency to shiver and take a step back, closing her mouth when she saw not her friend, not Lucien, but the seventh son of Autumn.
"Don't you dare finish that sentence." He threatened, his voice frighteningly cold, a sharp contrast to his burning eyes, "Tamlin and I knew nothing of Ianthe's negotiation with Hybern. I would have never allowed your sisters to be dragged into this. Never."
He paused, breathing hard. His lips snarled back over his gleaming teeth, expressing his fury – not against Feyre, or Hybern, or Ianthe… but at himself.
"There is not a single day, not an hour, not a second when I don't– when I don't curse myself for what happened to Elain. I will never forgive myself for being unable to help her that day. I will never cease to wish it had been me, being drowned and torn apart, times and times again, for a thousand years and a thousand more if it meant she had a chance at happiness even with the lowest, most repulsive of human…"
Realising he had revealed a part of his soul he hadn't wanted to face since that cursed night, especially not anywhere near Feyre or Helion… Lucien turned around sharply. He clenched and unclenched his fists, realising that flames licked his skin. Magic was about sensations. Fire was about emotions. He needed to control his inner turmoil, the more in control he was, the more he could tame his inner fire.
A heavy, uncomfortable silence fell on them. It felt as if the books themselves were watching them.
Feyre let out a deep breath, after holding it for a while.
"Elain… Elain hasn't accepted the mating bond yet… she might never do…" Lucien continued, his voice breaking at that thought, "But… I know her. Through the mating bond and because… because we're mirrored souls."
Feyre watched his back, not interrupting him as he took a deep, deep breath. His hands trembled, but he had put his fire under control.
"You have no idea the traumatizing experience she's been through… You don't know how heavily her guilt and shame weigh on her. She is far too strong to let it show, but she's been fighting just as fiercely as you have, just… in a different manner."
Finally, he turned back towards her, even though he still looked pissed beyond anything she had ever seen.
"Tell me, Feyre… you who went into that forest to get food on the table, who risked her life, who did everything for your older sisters and your broken father… when you didn't have the strength to do any of that, where did you look for peace and hope? Who gave you any bit of strength and resilience?"
She clenched her fists, but eventually closed her eyes. The image of Elain tending to her garden, caring for their father, pacifying the family, standing straight and proud no matter what… chasing any hollowness or darkness from her eyes to smile and distract her sisters and their father…
"Who held your family together all those years? In silence, without ever expressing her true feelings because she needed to tend to yours? Who held you together without you even realising it?" Lucien asked in a voice dripping with knowing sarcasm.
Feyre opened her eyes, facing him again.
"…You made your point, you can shut up now." She said, sounding utterly defeated.
But Lucien didn't waver, didn't snort. His brows barely twitched. Calmly, he took the few steps that separated them so he could look down at her once more.
"I think not. I've had my lot of keeping my mouth shut for the sake of others lately. And so did Elain. Stop trying to keep her quiet, let her find her own voice and express it."
Feyre stared at him. She understood something then. Lucien couldn't tell what – he wasn't a mind reader like some, but… he could tell that she became more aware of Elain's feelings, of his. Maybe she was about to understand a few things about immortal life and centuries of existence.
"…You're in love with her." Feyre whispered.
Eyes wide, Lucien opened and closed his lips. His cheeks went aflame and he stepped away, as if burnt. His body betrayed the feelings he hadn't quite realised, or admitted to himself.
"I've always thought that… you and Elain were getting closer because of the mating bond, that it was your only reason…" Her voice trailed off, "But you're… you're in love with her, you understand her in a way I never did… In a way no one ever did. You see her…"
Once again, her voice diminished until it turned into a whisper, without expressing the finality of her line of thoughts.
Lucien didn't want to reveal any more of his heart to the world, to Feyre and to Helion's too curious ears, but he couldn't help his lips and the words that fell out of them next:
"I've always seen her… she's always stood out to me… she's evident. We were mates before she was Made. I didn't realise it back then… but… it's always been her…"
Tears filled his eyes and he turned away once again, to hide from others' gazes and his own guilt. Towards Jesminda.
On the other side of the room, Helion finally looked down, his fingers silently tapping on the book he was reading.
"Lucien is my first choice, and he always has been. He's the choice that doesn't feel like a choice at all."
"It's always been her…"
Mirrored souls, indeed, Helion thought to himself, glancing once again at Lucien.
There was no need for any special ability to read Lucien's thoughts right now. They were spiralling out of control, his guilt, sorrow and trauma caused by the treatment of his first lover, haunted him. Whatever realisation had hit him, Lucien was about to lose control, and Helion didn't want any fire anywhere near his precious books.
"I think we should take a break for a little while, mm? Outside the library, there is a nearby café that offers marvellous pastries. You should try them out, Feyre." Helion said, stepping in for the first time since the beginning of their argument.
She hesitated, glancing between Helion and Lucien, then she turned around and left the library.
Helion waited a moment, for the High Lady of the Night Court to be gone, and Lucien to have calmed down a little in that soothing silence, to speak up again:
"I don't know the particulars of your story, with this lover of yours in the past, or what happened between you and Lady Elain… but–"
"I don't need your remark on the matter," Lucien snapped, rolling his eyes, "As much as I feel obliged to respect you, you're not exactly known for relationship stability, and in my experience, High Lords are no more but a pain in the ass."
Helion tightened his lips, staring at that young High Fae. He had already been through so much, after so few centuries spent on this land.
"Well, you're not wrong in that aspect. I've always thought that High Lords and the power that position offered was nothing but a beautifully wrapped curse, appearing as a gift. It's a golden cage that takes away your choices and makes you less than you are." Helion agreed, shrugging lightly, "I've seen my father suffer from being High Lord, then my brother and…"
His voice trailed off. Memories from Under the Mountain resurfaced. The previous High Lord, Helion's older brother, Astreon, had been executed by Amarantha to teach the rebelling courts a lesson.
"I had always assumed I'd leave an eternal life of blessed freedom, compared to what my brother was chained to. I don't think I should have received that power."
Lucien, who had wanted nothing more but stump out of the library a few moments ago, finally let his shoulders relax a little. He turned towards Helion, now more curious about the little brother of the previous High Lord, than the cold-hearted lover of the Day Court he knew.
"The High Lords who didn't want of their power are either the greatest ones… or complete failures." Lucien said thoughtfully, thinking back on his historical knowledge on past High Lords, and his personal experience with Tamlin.
"Would you want it?" Helion suddenly asked Lucien, staring right into the russet and gold mismatched eyes – beautiful in their own ways, but the stark reminder of the cruelty he had faced, "If you could become the High Lord of the Autumn Court… would you take the throne?"
The youngest son of Autumn frowned, more to himself than to that question.
"No. It ceased to be my home a long time ago… it probably never was. And I wouldn't want to receive a cursed crown and rule over a two-faced court made mostly of liars and murderers." Lucien said in a strong voice.
"Then… you would be one of the greatest High Lords, wouldn't you?" Helion said with a smile, his eyes gleaming knowingly.
Lucien narrowed his eyes, staring firmly at Helion. Silence stretched between them.
"What is your point, Lord Helion?" he asked without hesitation.
Helion's mouth turned into a smirk – one that Lucien couldn't understand. Was it mocking? Was it knowing? What was that emotion shining in the mysterious High Lord's eyes?
"My point is, more than anyone else in Prythian, I am aware of your potential and I would hate for you to waste it."
"My potential?"
"I was a promising younger brother once, I thought I would never get the throne, and yet, here I am."
"Are you suggesting I should take the Autumn throne's by force?" Lucien asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I would never suggest such a bold act. I'm merely trying to figure out if power lures you."
"I'm not interested in power."
"You don't need to be interested in power to be drawn to it despite yourself. It's in your blood to be powerful, believe me."
Lucien frowned, he looked away a short moment, before hesitating… He shouldn't say so much about himself to a male he barely knew, especially the High Lord of the Day Court but… Helion was an ally, wasn't he? A friendly force in his life, right?
"…My mother…"
His voice trailed off.
Helion's face twitched. Barely. A flicker of emotion passed in his eyes so quickly, Lucien thought he had dreamt it. His golden eye whirred. He hadn't dreamt it.
"My mother used to tell me that I always sold myself short, that I never embraced my full capacities and that I should someday figure out what I wanted for my life. I guess I never bothered to figure that out after… leaving Autumn."
"Well… do you know what you want for your life?" Helion asked carefully.
Lucien's thoughts immediately turned to Elain. He didn't simply want her, he wished for all the promises of happiness and peace his mate offered. Love, joy, a family and a home…
Just like after his argument with Feyre, his heart clenched from guilt and sorrow, thinking back on Jesminda and all the promises they had made to each other…
"What I want isn't up to me." Lucien answered, lowering his gaze quickly to escape Helion's scrutinizing attention.
"Elain, uh?"
"Don't guess my line of thoughts so easily, I dislike it."
"Your line of thoughts is all over your face, fox boy."
Lucien glared at Helion who simply smirked gleefully.
"Why are you so intent on pushing Elain and I together? What do you get out of it?"
Helion made a strange face, his eyes looking up as if he had no clue. He tried to shrug it off but none of it came smoothly enough to pass as a remotely convincing lie.
"I've lost the love of my life before, I don't want anyone else to suffer the same fate. Though, circumstances are different for you and your lady, I suppose."
His words were surprisingly honest.
So honest that Helion himself seemed astonished by it. He blinked, looked a little distraught but quickly recomposed himself.
It comforted Lucien that, after all, he really was a male before a High Lord. He had loved and he had lost, he had felt and he had suffered, he was hiding his feelings and being surprisingly honest at times…
"I still can't accept having a mate who isn't Jesminda," Lucien admitted, his heart wrenching at the thought, and now he felt guilty for Elain.
"Because you thought she was your mate?"
"Because it feels like I'm betraying her, even after all this time, I thought I would never be able to love anyone, not the way I loved Jesminda… and I find myself loving Elain even more, and I feel awful about it…"
Helion remained silent for a short moment, then hesitating slightly, he put a hand on Lucien's shoulder. The younger male looked up, surprised by this surprisingly comforting gesture, albeit a little clumsy, as if Helion wasn't used to express any form of compassion.
"It's one thing figuring it out you're in love someone… it's another realising that you're moving on from the person you loved before. It shakes you, to realise that this love is so soul-deep that it makes who you loved before seem like an illusion of love. But it doesn't make it any less real, there's no shame or guilt to feel deeply for a relationship that ended. It's not easy of course, this dreadful ghost hanging in the depths of your heart… but anyone who has loved truly wishes for that person to love and know happiness, no matter what. I don't know the particulars of what happened to your Jesminda, but I believe she loved you as strongly as you loved her… and she would wish your happiness with your mate."
There was a pause, then Helion spoke up again, looking right into Lucien's gaze:
"You can let go of the guilt, of her, Lucien. She won't disappear from your heart and your memories, and you'll be able to feel love again."
"…Letting go… is easier said than done…"
"I know," Helion said, his voice breaking a little.
It was barely there, like every emotion he showed, so well hidden behind walls built over centuries… but it was there. The broken-heartedness Lucien could understand so well.
"…May I be perfectly honest with you, Lord Helion?"
"When have you needed authorisation to speak your mind?" Helion asked, raising an eyebrow.
"You're not as much of an incompetent or of an ass as the other High Lords I've dealt with." Lucien said with a grin.
"I'll take that as a compliment, though I doubt Rhysand will admit that you are perfectly right."
"He wouldn't admit it because he knows I'm right."
Helion chuckled in amusement. Delight sparked in his heart to hear that young Fae so decisive and honest in his judgement, so unafraid of the consequences, so fiery and refreshing, so clever and knowledgeable…
"If Rhys decides to fire you from Emissary for that, don't ever hesitate to come to me. I have yet to find a High Fae with enough skills and experience to be my Emissary to the human lands."
Lucien's lips twitched a little. He hesitated but eventually, he smiled gratefully to the High Lord of the Day Court.
That very morning, as he was bathing in the sunrise light, Elain had asked him if he liked it here, in the Day Court. Lucien had never felt a court so fitting to him, and for Elain, even though they had only spent two little days here.
At the Founding Library, Elain felt a strained tug on her heart. She sat down, massaging her chest to escape the discomfort but… there was nothing she could do. Lucien was in pain. She could feel it. Not physical, but emotional. It wasn't as powerful or intense as his nightmares had been but… he was distressed right now. She felt the sudden urge to find him, comfort him for whatever reason had caused those feelings of shame and guilt in his heart. She was familiar enough with him, his story, his emotions, to understand them now.
She hadn't realised how closer they had gotten and how stronger the bond felt.
"W-what time is it? H-how long will we stay here studying?" Elain asked Selena and Amren.
The two females looked up. Amren's brows furrowed when she immediately understood that Elain's mind was entirely focused on Lucien, and that meant fox boy was somehow in trouble. She was calm enough that he wasn't in immediate danger of death though, so there was no need to panic. Selena, on the other hand, wasn't familiar enough with Elain to figure out such things.
"Mm? It's five in the afternoon now. Are you tired? Do you want to go back early?"
"I…"
Elain's gaze lowered on the book she had been reading. They had spent the entire day reading and discussing the founding myths, the legends and stories surrounding the original Seer but even though Elain learned a lot… she hadn't felt anything in particular about her powers in all those stories. It was as if they hadn't advanced at all, and she didn't want to go back to Delphos empty handed.
"We should go back." Amren said, standing up and saving Elain from explaining herself, "I'm getting sleepy from all that reading, and we won't advance any more today."
Elain sent a thankful and relieved gaze to her mentor. The exchange didn't escape Selena who, even though she didn't ask any question to quench her curiosity, nodded.
The ladies gathered the books and parchments they had studied on a table that wouldn't be touched by anyone other than them in the weeks to come. The librarians would make sure that no one would enter the private study they had occupied.
They went back outside of the Founding Library, Elain more and more fretting as the minutes went by. Selena took Elain and Amren's hands and winnowed all three of them at the foot of the Tower of Light which was protected with the same spells as the House of Winds in the Night Court. There was no winnowing inside the Tower.
Elain's heart clenched and squeezed before beating wildly. She looked around, instinctively looking for Lucien, feeling him closer but not close enough. There was still an unknown and heart-wrenching distance between them.
"I will go give my report to my grandfather," Selena said, her gaze not leaving Elain's behaviour, "You are free to do as you wish."
The Day Court lady walked into the Tower of Light to meet Lord Koios, leaving the two females behind.
"What happened that's distressed you so much?" Amren finally asked, crossing her arms over her chest.
"H-how did you guess that something happened?" Elain replied nervously.
Amren raised her eyebrow, the look on her face was answer enough.
Elain wringed her hands anxiously.
"Something happened to Lucien, he's not feeling well. I want to see him." She said.
She blinked at her own words, at the strength behind it. She kept surprising herself with this growing confidence in herself. Perhaps it was the influence of the Day Court, all that sunlight and brightness, it nurtured her as if she were a flower blooming in all its beauty and strength. Right now, she felt like a sunflower, turning around looking for her sun, but it was far away and lost.
"He was with Feyre and Helion so I doubt he got injured… neither of them is the attacking kind, even when pissed off. They probably argued or something."
"P-probably…"
"I'm going to walk to the third district, I want to buy that necklace I saw yesterday. Will you come with me?" Amren asked after a moment of silence.
"I-I'm too distracted… Thank you anyway but I'll… I think I'll wait for Lucien to come back here." Elain said.
Amren shrugged and the two ladies went their own ways. Elain climbed the stairs of the Tower of Light, barely acknowledging the guards and courtiers who saluted her on her passage. She took one of the lifts to go up and, even without thinking, she managed to find her way back to the suite she shared with Lucien. Of course, he wasn't there, but Lady, Sparkle and Flame ran to her. They japed and jumped around, happy and excited to see her.
She knelt down, giving them all the love and comfort they needed, and it helped her feel better as well. Feeling more centred now that she had cared for her baby cubs, she waited for Lucien for a few minutes. He didn't come back.
Finally, unable to bear the terrible silence in this terribly empty suite, she left it, taking the cubs with her. She intended to visit the Tower of Light, find the gardens, let her babies run around as much as they wished. She didn't look where she was going, but she noticed that the floor where she and Lucien lived was mostly empty. A very few suites were also taken and the scents were vaguely familiar but she couldn't recognize them and there wasn't anyone around.
She found stairs that led upstairs. Curious, she followed the circular stairs, the three cubs hopping behind her excitedly.
Elain was surprised not to find any guards around, especially as she recognized the whiffs of power wandering in the halls she was currently walking through.
Helion's scent. It was hot and powerful, like all the High Lords. It smelled of caramel and orange tree flowers.
She found a door half opened and, because Flame wandered in that room, she instinctively followed him to bring him back.
"Flame, wait, come back!" She said, taking him in her arms.
He whined and she was about to turn around but took in the rooms. It was a similar disposition from Lucien and hers' suite, just a floor above, slightly bigger, more luxurious and… more personal. The scent was even more powerful than before. It was clean and organised, despite a few messy arrangements – she could tell that servants rarely went there. But with the powers of a High Lord, domestic chores weren't necessary anymore.
She was about to leave, with Flame in her arms, when the wind flew into the room and brought another scent. It stopped her. It smelled of… of apple tree flowers, chestnuts, and… something else that was more bittersweet, but she couldn't pinpoint it. The scent was too faint.
Curious, she followed it and put down Flame. On Helion's massive desk, there was a box, with a pile of letters.
Elain knew she shouldn't have wandered to that floor, and into the High Lord's private quartiers and even less lingered but…
She looked at the letters, written elegantly, from a female's hand, no doubt. They weren't signed, there was no clue whatsoever on who might have written them and she had no time to take the risk to read anything. But they seemed old enough, the paper was yellowed and slightly damaged in the corners, as if it'd been read times and times and times again…
A handkerchief embroidered with fiery flowers and green leaves rested on top of the letters. She pulled away the corner of the handkerchief and found a long thread of auburn hair, kept together by a leather thread. That was where the scent of apples and chestnuts came from. It was–
"You're not supposed to be here."
Elain jumped and whipped around, face-to-face with the most powerful male of the Day Court.
Helion frowned, staring at her. His eyes glanced from Elain to the box she had discovered, and threatening power rippled from him.
She stepped away, and the three fox cubs immediately jumped in front of Elain, growling and hissing at Helion even though it'd take him a single thought to wipe them away. That sent a chill of fear down Elain's spine. Terrified as she was, she still took a step forward, to calm down her cubs.
"I smelled you the moment I arrived here, I didn't think you'd be ballsy enough to wander all the way into my private quarters, Lady Elain," Helion continued, dampening a little his power to not frighten her – but somehow, that was worse, he was like a gathering storm, sugarcoating his words so she'd lower her guard.
"I… I-I apologize, my lord," she stammered, looking down and quickly gathering her wits to keep up, "I was walking through the Tower and I… I found stairs leading up. I followed them and then… one of the foxes came in here."
"So, should I punish them instead of you?" Helion asked, raising an eyebrow.
Elain paled, eyes widening. The foxes only growled more, not realising how insignificant they were against a High Lord.
"NO! D-don't blame them… I-I'm the one who should be punished."
Helion came closer to her, his steps as easy as always, with the usual grace his gliding march gave him. Elain stepped away until she was pressed against the desk. He stared down at her, those golden eyes swirling with power as if she was witnessing the very fires of the sun.
"In any other circumstances, I would have entertained myself with that sentence, but I'm in no mood for your pretty eyes and charming blushing, little doe. And you're mated."
He said that last word with a held-back snarl. His voice dripped with… resentment, jealousy? Did he envy Lucien and Elain, and all mated pairs, for what they had?
"I wouldn't risk facing the wrath of a protective male such as Lucien. He's far more powerful than he thinks. Even I, or any High Lord, would get bruised if the fox decides to bite."
Helion looked away, as if lost in thoughts, then stepped away from Elain. His hand hovered near the box of letters and the thread of hair he had kept all those years… then he restrained himself. He was tense and faraway, aware of Elain witnessing it all but forgetting she was any threat.
"He's more powerful than he thinks…" Elain started slowly, heart hammering in adrenaline to keep talking when the High Lord seemed on edge, "Because… he is the heir of two courts at once and he has no idea?"
Helion turned back towards her, eyes narrowed and dangerous.
"…Don't tell him his true origins."
"You… you know then?" she breathed.
"Of course I know. I am no fool. Who do you think put a spell on him to keep his powers locked?"
Elain gasped, wanting at once for Helion to put off that damn spell and let Lucien be free to be himself.
"But–"
"It's for his own protection. As long as Beron lives, Lucien cannot know his origins. Do you understand?"
Helion looked sharply at Elain, straight into her eyes. She held her breathe, dizzy from that amount of power – the power that Lucien shared, wildered by the fire of his mother's lineage, but kept locked up, deep inside himself.
But the moment Helion would claim Lucien as his son, the moment his origins would be known across Prythian, Beron… Beron would have no reason to keep Lucien or his wife alive, he'd have no reason to not punish her – and by extension, Helion and Lucien as well. It might mean war between Autumn and Day, it'd–
"I understand," she breathed, nodding quickly.
Helion gave a short, sharp nod.
She understood it as her cue to leave. Elain turned around and quickly walked away, shaky from that encounter, and followed closely by her cubs.
"Lucien isn't back yet," Helion said, his voice wavering in the slightest bit when he said 'Lucien', maybe it was the first time he had ever said his name outloud to anyone who knew of their parentage, "He asked me to give you this."
Elain turned back towards Helion. He extended his hand and a breeze of air carried a piece of paper to her. She caught it. She wanted to read it at once, but she needed to get out of here. The High Lord's emotions were about to go rampage, she could feel it building inside him.
She left and ran down the circular stairs, determined to never go back anywhere near that floor ever again. Her dress flew behind her, and her curly hair jumped at every step. By the time she reached her suite, she was slightly out of breath, though the fox cubs looked delighted by the entire exercise.
She pressed herself against the doors, her hand against her beating heart, the piece of paper in between her chest and her palm. She looked down at it and immediately opened the paper to read the words.
'I'm fine. I'll be back soon. Yours, Lucien.'
Elain's heart sunk. Tears burnt in her eyes.
Lucien had left. Not for good, not for long, she knew it but… she wouldn't see him for a while. He was off somewhere else, in the Day Court, or maybe another part of Prythian, and he wouldn't be back for her today. They wouldn't share that wonderful bed tonight. They wouldn't have breakfast watching the sunrise tomorrow morning. They wouldn't tease and flirt with each other. They wouldn't take turns for the bathroom.
She knew that, caused by that earlier distress, this absence was a needed time for Lucien, away from her and whatever trouble held him. But she already missed those little moments of life she could share with him. The moments that weren't epic confessions of love, or intense gazing into each other's souls, or ardent lovemaking – but the little moments that made every day magical just by being with the person you loved the most.
I'm in love with him, she realised suddenly, and yet there was no panic, no fear, just… peace and warmth. I'm in love with him, with Lucien, for who he is and not because of the mating bond. I'm in love with him.
I hope you liked it, see you next week!
Yours Truly,
May