"…Will you stop speaking in fucking riddles and just spit it out already?!" Uncle Five angrily demanded, stomping after Theodore & practically spitting in barely-contained rage as he followed him down the steps and outside to the curb where one of Grandfather's sleek black cars sat parked, shining in the afternoon sun.

"How much clearer do you want me to make it?" Theodore snarked as the pair was greeted by Abhijat who emerged from the dark car as the two had approached. "Should I write in the sky? Tattoo it on your arm? Spoon-feed it to you? It's really not that hard uncle—war is coming, we're all gonna die and for some reason you seem to think that Grandfather holds all the cards"

"Well, what else are we s'posed to do?!" Uncle through his hands up in the air exasperation. "Die?"

"Y'know for someone who s'posedly hates him, you sure do have a lot of faith in him"

"That's—that's not—that's besides the point!"

"Is it?"

"Who's this?" Uncle Five instead nodded to Abhijat who remained standing next to the car with a look of amusement plastered across his aged features. "What's he here for? Some kind of extravagant kidnapping?"

"Abhijat, Master Five" Abhijat snatched up Uncle's hand in his own gloved one, slipping into the conversation with effortless ease. Theodore bit his lip in an effort to hide the grin when he heard his uncle's bones crack beneath the elderly man's tight handshake.

"Tss!" Uncle Five hissed as he subtly tried to shake out his hand once Abhijat had let go, much to the old man's amusement.

"Hi Nosey!" Theodore grinned, his attitude easily slipping into something a little cheerier as he greeted the old man with the familiar taunt as he pointed out his rather prevalent nose.

"Less of that attitude or I shall be obliged to deliver the Abhijat—haymaker!" Abhijat joked, a mirrored grin pulling at his lips.

"Okay! Bring it on big guy!" Theodore replied in much the same manner before moving to get into the dark car, only to be stopped by a hand clutched to his elbow.

"You still haven't answered my questions!" Uncle Five snapped, warily eyeing the open door and elderly man standing next to it, likely despairing over his nephew's lack of safety concerns.

"Uncle, this is Abhijat" Theodore sighed patronisingly as is he were talking to a child—a real child. "He's Grandfather's chauffeur—"

"—Among other things—" Abhijat interjected.

"—And Grandfather sent a summons" Theodore brandished the slightly rumpled invitation like it was made of gold.

As Uncle Five snatched the piece of paper from his hands and compared it against his own, Theodore slipped inside the vehicle and slouched back against the dark leather seats as he plucked a newspaper from the side door to read from. A few moments later, a rather grouchy Uncle Five slid in after him with Abhijat closing the door with a smirk etched on his old features before moving around to the driver's seat.

"Where to, Master Theodore?" Abhijat asked over his shoulder as he revved the car.

"1624 Magnolia street, Dallas, Texas" Theodore replied over the edge of the paper, ignoring the odd look he got from Uncle as he read off the full address, and yet knowing full well that the driver-pilot-bodyguard required a full and specific address considering who his employer was.

"Very good, Master" The old man nodded as the car swiftly pulled away from the curb.

"C'me on Nosey, chop, chop" Theodore encouraged as they pulled further down the main road. As if in reply, Abhijat stepped on the gas, expertly swinging through the rush hour traffic as they hurriedly made their way through Dallas; racing against the falling sun. Uncle Five—who hadn't been expecting the sudden shift in gears nor Abhijat's erratic driving—gripped tight to the edge of his seat with white knuckles and a small squeak of surprise as he tried not to slide off when they flew wildly around the corner. In turn, Theodore simply turned sideways in his seat, allowing him to slide up and down the length of his seat as he calmly continued to read the paper; so used to the chauffeur's driving as he was.

"Oh look, Nosey" Theodore called out as he skimmed through the headlines and the buildings of Dallas sped by in blurry flashes. Across from him, Uncle Five was starting to turn a little green and Theodore hoped they would reach their destination before Uncle's breakfast reached him. "The Beatles released their first album"

"That is good news, Master Theodore" Abhijat nodded amicably as they spun around another corner.

"And someone from New Hampshire won the lottery"

"I'm very glad to hear it, Master"

"Look's like Alcatraz is shutting down"

"Oh?"

"Oh, and apparently India won the football last night"

"Yes!" Abhijat cheered, punching the air with both hands as they came off of the steering wheel in celebration. "BADHAI HO!"

"Calm down, Nosey" Theodore scolded halfheartedly as the car swerved wildly—more so now that no one was actually steering. Uncle Five almost appeared to be suctioned to his seat by that point.

"Yes, Master Theodore" Abhijat grinned unapologetically as he righted the car, "Sorry Master Theodore"

Evening had sunk by the time the black car had parked outside of 1624 Magnolia street alongside another of Grandfather's vehicles, where the blonde curls of Grace could be seen through the tinted windows. 1624, as it turned out was a large building that appeared to be some kind of hospice or headquarters that sported the glowing blue lettering of SOUTHLAND LIFE. No sooner had they parked, did Uncle Five waste no time in blinking from the car and into the building as Theodore farewelled their driver, thanking him for the ride as he meandered in after his harried uncle.

Slipping into the elevator, Theodore slouched against the left-hand corner of the box as he fiddled with his outfit, combing his hands through his hair a few times and stared down at his bare toes that winked back at him, all the while wondering if Grandfather would notice. "Of course he will!" Loren laughed, "Eyes of a Sn'orak that one!"

Fuck off. Theodore thought as he spared a quick glance towards Uncle Five who no longer appeared green but appeared to also be readying himself to meet with Grandfather in much the same manner that Theodore was.

Before the elevator doors could fully close however, a hand swung out to pry them open and then one-by-one, the rest of the Hargreeves shuffled in through the door. First came Uncle Diego who slipped towards the back, then there was Auntie Allison who trotted over to the right-hand side, Uncle Klaus slumped next to Uncle Diego clutching onto his hip flask and reeked of alcohol and Mama came in right on his heels. Furtively, Theodore stared at his feet as he stood up straight and Mama came to a stop in front of him, her back turned without a single greeting. Uncle Luther was the last to board, standing center stage and full of nerves. "Good" Uncle Five sighed defeatedly as he pushed the up button, "We're all here"

Theodore turned to watch as the numbers above the door flickered from one to the other, counting the floors as they went and he couldn't help but think that maybe he would've been better taking the stairs, if only to avoid the awkward atmosphere now choking them as the elevator sang above their heads. Then again that could've been Uncle Luther's silent but deadly fart. "Oof! Luther! That smells amazing!" Uncle Klaus commented, waving away the stench as much as possible as Auntie hid in her jacket and Uncle Diego burst into not-quite-concealed giggles.

"Sorry" Uncle Luther apologised as Uncle Five, Mama and Theodore gagged on the smell; all three of whom were unfortunate enough to be within the radius of ground zero. Uncle Five leant against the wall, looking like he was about to pass out as Mama pinched her nose shut and Theodore slapped a cardigan-covered hand over his own nose. "I'm nervous"

I should've taken the stairs! Theodore complained as his eyes watered and he tried his best to inhale the lavender scented soap still embedded in the wool.

DING!

Thankfully, their stop couldn't come fast enough. With the opening of the doors, everyone flew from the foul stench now enveloping elevator & Uncle Luther, who remained sheepishly standing there as his family shuffled out across the floor where they were met with the Hawaiian-themed lounge and bar. The sign above the entrance appropriately named the establishment the: TIKI LOUNGE as island music played softly across the speakers. "All right, when Dad gets here, I'll do the talking, okay?" Uncle Five instructed as he led the way to the large round table in the center of the room.

"Got a few questions for him myself" Uncle Diego replied.

"Hey, we don't wanna scare him off"

"Grandfather? Scared?" Theodore huffed a laugh at the idea. "Yeah right"

"He might be able to help us stop doomsday, get us home" Uncle Five continued, his answer more for Uncle Diego than Theodore.

"No, we need to figure out why he's planning to kill the President" Uncle Diego continued as both Auntie and Uncle Klaus beelined it for the bar.

"This is a matter of life and death, you imbecile!"

"Okay, yeah, maybe we should take turns talking, yeah?" Mama proposed, pulling on the motherly instincts she didn't know she had, "Here, whoever has this conch shell gets to talk"

"Vanya, we don't have time for a debate, okay?" Uncle Five tried to keep his exasperation in check.

"Maybe I should lead" Auntie returned, snatching the conch shell from Mama as she sat her drink on the table and draped her jacket over the back of one of the chairs. "We all know I'm a better public speaker than the rest"

"Okay, Daddy's girl" Uncle Diego sneered.

"Oh? Jealous Number Two?"

"Hey! No more numbers! No more bullshit, we're Team Zero. We're all Team Zero"

"More like Team Dead" Theodore muttered as he looked over the menu and did a fabulous job of ignoring Uncle Five's glares.

"Uh, Diego" Uncle Luther mumbled, "You didn't have the conch"

CRASH!

Theodore's head jerked up at the noise just in time to see the conch shell which had previously been poised in Auntie's hand, now shattered against the far wall from where Uncle Diego had thrown it. "Grandfather won't be happy with that" Theodore murmured as he decided on something a little fruitier than he would usually go for. If this was to be a test—just as he suspected it would be—he didn't want Grandfather to have any reason to fail him; but he also needed a drink to calm his nerves, so a Sidecar it was.

As if on cue, Grandfather entered from the back with a leather-bound notebook and a selection of files slid into a manilla folder under one arm. After quietly thanking the bartender, Theodore retreated to the table with nervous steps, hoping against hope that Grandfather wouldn't notice his lack of shoes. At the same time his family appeared rather dumbfounded at his entrance, almost as if they didn't believe he was real until now. I s'pose it is a bit odd. Theodore mused as he slid into a seat in between Grandfather & Uncle Luther. Seeing your dead dad for the first time.

"Not only have you burglarised my lab" Grandfather began, taking a seat as the rest of the Hargreeves followed suit like trained monkeys. "Set my chimp loose, stolen my grandson—" Theodore couldn't help but puff up in pride at the acknowledgement, his purrs barely audible beneath his grandfather's baritone. "—Conned your way into the Mexican consulate, repeatedly stalked and attacked me, but you have on numerous occasions called me—"

"—Hey Pop, how's it hanging?" Uncle Klaus greeted as he fell into the spare chair on the other side of Grandfather.

"—Dad"

There was a beat of silence as everyone seemed to reach for the drinks in sync, slurping from the multicoloured drinks as politely as possible and unable to meet anyone's eyes as they refused to break the silence first. Tapping the front cover of his notebook with impatient fingers, Grandfather spoke again as Theodore spared a glance over at Uncle Five who looked like he wanted to both shake and strangle Grandfather to get him to listen to him. "My reconnaissance tells me you're not CIA, not KGB certainly not MI5, so who are you?"

"…We're your children" Uncle Five supplied when he realised that no one else was going to say anything. "We're from the future. In 1989, you adopted us all and trained us to fight against the end of the world—"

"And look how that turned out" Theodore scoffed into his drink, playing with his ice cubes as Grandfather acknowledged the comment with a quirk of his brow. Theodore wisely kept his mouth shut, instead suckling on the lemon wedge from his glass.

"—Called us the Umbrella Academy" Uncle Five continued on as if his nephew hadn't spoken, to which Uncle Klaus silently toasted.

"Why on earth would I adopt six—" Grandfather began.

"—Seven" Auntie interrupted. "One of us isn't here"

"Dead" Uncle Diego amended. "One of us is dead"

Theodore shot an odd look towards one of the tables behind him when the same annoying buzzing that surrounded Uncle Klaus, sounded again. Wiggling a finger in his ear, Theodore missed the odd look he received from said ghost-whisperer as he turned back to the table, and Uncle Klaus gestured for Grandfather to continue talking after shushing whatever ghost was yapping at him at that point.

"Regardless" Grandfather eyed his future children like they were wild animals, "What would possess me to adopt seven ill-mannered malcontents?"

"We all have special abilities" Uncle Five replied, hovering so far over the table he may as well have mounted it.

"Special? In what sense?" Grandfather perked up in interest.

"In the superpower sense" Uncle Luther snapped.

"Call me old-fashioned, but I'm a stickler for a pesky little thing called evidence. Show me"

"Everybody wants to see powers all of a sudden!" Auntie complained as she played with her straw.

"We're not circus animals, okay?" Uncle Luther snarked. Theodore sat up, a little offended that his uncle would imply that Theodore was. "We're not gonna bounce balls on our noses and clap our hands like seals for your amusement"

"Says the giant space monkey" Theodore snarked quietly as Uncle Diego effortlessly flung a dagger from his fingers and impossibly curved it around Grandfather's head where it became embedded in the wooden post behind him with a small thud.

Flipping open the leather-bound notebook in front of him, Grandfather quickly began taking down notes just as he had done during Theodore's lessons and tests only a week or so ago. It was a familiar sight that comforted him, though he didn't know why. "What are you writing?" Uncle Diego questioned, apparently he and his siblings did not agree with Theodore's sentiments.

"You are zero for two, young man" Grandfather replied, making Auntie snort into her cup and Uncle Diego to launch from his seat towards the old man. At the same time that Uncle Five blinked from his seat to intercept Uncle Diego from strangling Grandfather, Theodore jerked upright with the beginnings of a growl sounding in his throat and the scales along his cheeks flared upwards to make himself appear larger; much like an owl or a cat.

"Stop!" Uncle Five hissed, shoving Uncle Diego back into his seat.

"Now that is interesting" Grandfather commented as he jotted down a few notes on Uncle Five and Theodore glared at his violent uncles as he tried to get his scales to lie flat once more.

"All right, uh quick rundown" Uncle Five readjusted his blazer as he walked back to his seat while Uncle Diego sulked. "Luther: super strength, you already know Theodore, Klaus can commune with the dead, Allison can rumour anyone to do anything—"

"—'Cept she never uses it" Uncle Diego remarked snidely.

"I heard a rumour" Auntie turned a little irked by Uncle Diego's needless comments, and smirked at him "You punched yourself in the face"

Everyone watched as Uncle Diego's eyes glazed over and in quick succession, he punched himself in the face. Hard. "Aah!" Uncle Diego groaned, clutching to his aching nose as he likely remembered why they didn't piss off their sister. "Dammit!" Uncle Five gestured as if to say 'see?'

"And you?" Grandfather turned to Mama with curious eyes and pen poised in hand.

"Uh, maybe we don't take Vanya for a test run" Uncle Luther answered for her, placing one of his large hairy hands over hers as he did so.

"Oh yeah, that's probably not a good idea" Uncle Klaus agreed as he sat back in his chair.

"Yeah"

"It's fine" Mama shrugged, leaning forward to pick up a fork from the table. "I can handle it"

"Handle it?" Auntie queried, "Last time you 'handled it' you definitely blew up the moon"

"No! Vanya don't!"

"Vanya!"

"Wait!" Came the chorused protests as Theodore wisely scooted his chair back and ducked beneath the safety of the table as a single chime rang out in the split second before the sound of fruit exploding sounded.

"Oops" Mama giggled unapologetically. The sound pulled at Theodore's heart, twisting the knife deep as he out from beneath the table once it was clear and scooted his chair back towards the table whilst the others picked fruit bits from their clothes. Mama, please forgive me!

"Tch, this was my favourite shirt" Uncle Klaus complained, halfheartedly wiping off the fruit on him.

"Wow" Uncle Diego huffed, flicking some pineapple back onto the table.

"That was impressive" Uncle Luther blinked as Grandfather wiped off his monocle and replaced it on his face.

Whilst the elderly Hargreeves plucked fruit from their clothes and reordered themselves as best they could, Theodore picked up on a faint sound echoing from beyond the back doors; a sound that just would not be ignored. With hands clenched around the back of the cane chair, he cocked his head, trying to gage just what the hell was making that noise. Turning to Grandfather, Theodore stood swiftly slightly as he silently waited for permission to go investigate the noise, much like a dog wanting to go for a walk. A single wave of his hand was all that Theodore needed before he was bouncing off towards the back door and noise that lay beyond.

Or at least, that was the idea. Before he had even crossed the foyer, Uncle Five was in front of him and pushing him back towards his seat with a warning glare. But Theodore stood firm. Sparing a quick glance back towards Grandfather with his brows drawn together in a look of confusion—who nodded his assent again—Theodore easily snatched Uncle Five from the ground, yanking him skywards by his collar and flung him over his shoulder like a rag doll. Only the sound of Uncle Five blinking away with a startled yelp told Theodore that he was fine before he returned to his mission to investigate the odd noise.

But again, he was halted in his mission. This time by Grandfather who called for his attention when Uncle Diego accused him of planning to murder the President and threatened bodily harm. "…Cetus!" Grandfather called sharply, causing Theodore to pause and turn once more.

"Grandfather?" Theodore cocked his head in question, the few beads in his hair jangling at the movement.

"T'ret" The Loric command sounded odd coming from Grandfather, but it served its purpose. As the trigger word flitted through Theodore's mind he felt his mind grow slack and his body tense as Loren took partial hold. Despite the implanted chip being removed many months ago, Grandfather had found a more…humane way of controlling—or training Theodore, much like one would a pet. It was like he was hypnotised—like he was just sitting there watching his body do all these things, but unable to stop.

The loralite blue film slid over his eyes like a third eyelid, his scales protruded from his pale flesh like rocks from water and his lips pulled back to reveal blunt teeth that framed the terrifying growl rumbling in his chest. Stalking forward, Theodore came to stand between Klaus and Grandfather as he hovered over the latter like a threatening shadow. "Do you really think me so defenceless?" Grandfather smirked, hands clasped on the table—the perfect picture of a smug bastard. "Maybe Cetus should show you what he can do"

All around the table, the remaining Hargreeves wore various expressions of shock and surprise at the sudden turn in their youngest member's attitude. From the wide eyes of Uncle Luther whose ape-like instincts were telling him to fear the predator before him, to the flinch from Uncle Diego as he jerked slightly in his seat, likely remembering that day in the warehouse when Theodore had very nearly ripped out his jugular. So it shouldn't have been a surprise to anyone when Uncle Diego's flinch was mistaken for an attack, causing Theodore to mount the table.

"Holy shit!" Auntie cursed when Theodore crouched low over the messy table, with his hands curled into laws and the eery blue scales decorating his face and neck flared in warning. His lips pulled back further as his warning growl turned into a rumbling snarl. Stringy spittle connected his jaws as his now pupils blue eyes connected with Uncle Diego's terrified brown ones and he prowled forward like a predator on the hunt. All was still for a beat as apprehensive and scared gazes shifted between their mindless nephew and their smug father; unsure of what to do or say. Even Uncle Five appeared speechless for once.

"Arr'et!" Grandfather's voice called out sharply, piercing through the fog that surrounded the mind of the blue boy. Theodore pounced. With loralite claws outstretched, the young man launched towards his uncle and straddled his chest as he pinned him to the floor. That's not to say Uncle Diego didn't struggle—he did, but the constant snapping of jaws and the strength behind the beastly young man seemed to surprise even him as the two tumbled across the floor. And then the world began to move around them again.

Above them, the pretty coloured lanterns violently swung and shook as if caught in a wind tunnel.

In the same moment, Uncle Klaus fell out of his chair at the sudden movement where he collapsed dramatically on to the floor with a yelp as he lay there cowering, Uncle Five blinked to his feet so quickly that his chair toppled over and crashed against the floor, although he appeared at odds for what to do seeing how closely entangled the two had become in his moment of pause.

In turn, Auntie jerked from her chair and made to intervene, only stopping when she began to war with herself over whether she should—would be able to Rumour them. Uncle Luther had grown unbeatably tense at the action, his primordial side screaming at him to run away and Mama had accidentally used her powers in her fright. Above them, the lanterns shook their last before exploding in much the same manner that the fruit had done earlier. "Vanya!" Uncle Five turned to the former brunette as she began to pale in her fright and the shards of glass quickly took to the air in the whirling winds. "Calm down!"

But he needn't have worried. Even consumed in this hypnotic state as he was, Theodore arguably had better control over his powers than he did when he was not. And so when his family members cowered behind pieces of furniture at the suddenly flying shards, he simply huddled low over Uncle Diego (who mistook his actions for another attack on him). The sounds of bones cracking and groaning beneath his skin, followed by the ripping of cloth and flesh seemed to be what stopped or at least paused his uncle's attacks as the man grew pale at the noise and could only watch as the back of his nephew exploded.

More sounds of distress were heard from his relatives as blood splattered against their clothing and the furniture like a sick rendition of sakura petals in the wind. But that's not what made Uncle Diego pause—at least not quite. From his back sprung a long snake-like tail that appeared encased in the loralite blue scales that littered his flesh like freckles; and they too flared in warning as the tail whipped above their heads. With seemingly practised movements, the tail snapped back and forth knocking the shards of flying glass away like they were nothing more than annoying bees as Theodore turned to spare another threatening growl at his mother who had collapsed back into Auntie in her fright.

"R'tor!" The smug Loric command seemed to come in just in time as Theodore appeared to be ready to attack the others. But at the sound of his mothertongue, the young man seamlessly shifted back to normal. Scales laid flat back against pale flesh, bones groaned as the tail was reabsorbed into his body and finally the blue film covering his eyes gave way to his regular stormy blue-grey eyes. Unlike with the shifts brought on by himself, these ones appeared less painful if only because Theodore could not remember shifting in the first place.

Blinking away the fog that had clouded his mind, Theodore stared dumbly at Uncle Diego who sat beneath him in a sweaty mess. Cocking his head in question, Theodore turned his gaze to his other relatives with brows knotted as he silently asked what had happened. Eventually, Uncle Luther hauled him off of Uncle Diego and set him down off to the side where Theodore proceeded to turn to Grandfather with the same silent question. He was almost mindless of the carnage displayed around them, and the confused puppy eyes he wore seemed so out of place given the situation that Uncle Klaus couldn't help but snort at the insanity of it all.

Man, were they one fucked up family.