19

Running For Fear

The push from the Chinese had put the camp in a state of chaos. They'd gotten halfway through bugging out when American forces pushed back and retook the area. Hawkeye and Irene had been returned to them while they were still setting up the OR to its original condition.

Potter, BJ, and Rader met them at the jeep, the three of them bundled up over their bath robes. Night had brought a severe drop in temperature and Hawkeye was concerned for Irene. She'd slept through the entire ride, even across potholes hidden in the snow that threatened to turn the jeep on its side. Her hands were freezing and her face red from the cold. He was sure he wasn't in much better shape, but he couldn't be bothered by his own condition.

"Glad to see you in one piece," Potter said as he pulled back the bandage around Hawk's head. BJ climbed up to check Irene's vitals.

"What happened?" BJ asked.

"We got caught in the crossfire," Hawk explained as BJ unwrapped Irene. He explained the ordeal the pair of them had gone through and insisted that BJ clean and dress Irene's wound, expressing concern about blood loss and infection.

"I'll take care of her Hawk," BJ insisted as she lifted Irene from the back seat.

"And I'll take care of that cut you've got on your melon," Potter said. "Lucky you've got such a thick skull, or you'd have been a six-foot-tall popsicle."

"Hawkeye!"

Shirley's yell across the compound made Hawk go rigid. He set his jaw and forced a smile when she put her arms around him as he tried to walk to the post op. It was all he could do to not peel her off him. Potter did it for him.

"Relax Grey," he said. "Lover boy here'll be back in business in no time. Get back to your tent."

"But Colonel, I haven't slept I've been so worried."

"Then it's a good time to catch up on the z's." He ushered her away and Hawk watched her reaction. There was no disappointment on her pretty face, but anger. She stared daggers at Potter, then at him, before she relented and went back the way she'd come.

He didn't understand how he hadn't seen it before. But then… there'd been no reason to. Irene was the first nurse he'd shown excessive amount of attention to. The others were used to his constant flirting and turned him down regularly but Irene… he'd gone too far.

"You alright, son?" Potter asked as Hawk sat down on a bed in post-op. "Did that hit on the head knock the words right out of your mouth?"

"No. It's… complicated."

"We've got time."

"I have a friend who's having some trouble here."

Potter raised a brow and continued to unwrap Hawkeye's head. "Go on."

"Well, if the things my friend says happen to be true, then we have a big problem on our hands."

"Can you be more specific?"

"Irene wants a transfer."

"Really? She's not been here long. What's got her wanting to run?"

Hawkeye sighed. "I don't know what to say. I really want her to tell you for herself but…"

"Hawk, in all the time I've been your commanding officer I've known you to be a loyal friend, a capable surgeon, and a grade A buttinski. You can't stay out of other people's business to save your life. I know you wanna spill the beans, so do it already."

"I think I've been paying her too much attention and it's got… other people behaving in a way I didn't think they'd be capable of."

"You mean Lt. Grey?"

"How'd you know?"

Potter hesitated and pressed an alcohol-soaked cloth to Hawk's head, causing him to wince. "That girl came with a duffel bag full of rumors."

"What do you mean?"

"She was transferred here on accusations of threatening another nurse over a Major but there wasn't any proof so there wasn't a case made of it."

"It's hard to believe."

"She's a damn good nurse. Compassionate with the men that come through here. That's why I didn't believe the rumors but if you're saying another nurse is having trouble, they must be true."

"I don't want Irene to transfer out."

"Does she have any proof of what happened? Any witnesses?"

"Not that I know of."

Potter finished bandaging Hawkeye's head and patted him on the shoulder. "As soon as Irene's taken care of I'll go see her. Maybe she'll come clean herself. After that, I'll see what I can do. And don't worry, I won't let her transfer out if I can help it."

"Thanks."

"Get some rest. I'll let you know when Irene's up."

"I don't think that's a good idea. Not until this whole thing with Shirley is taken care of."

"Don't worry about that. I'll keep my eye on Nurse Grey."

Irene came to in the middle of the night during a heavy snowstorm. Wind rattled the windows and the few lights that were left on overnight flickered. The room was full of young men, all fast asleep. She sat up in bed and the nurse noticed immediately. It was Alice.

She came out with a clipboard in hand.

"How're you feeling?" she asked, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. "Are you cold? We had to pull heaters from other tents to keep the place warm enough."

"I'm alright."

"You gotta tell me everything."

"Not much to tell, really. We got stuck in a supply hut while waiting to be rescued. Oh, stop it," Irene giggled quietly, tapping Alice's hand. "I have a bum leg, remember? Nothing happened."

"Well, Shirley was fuming earlier. I heard Colonel Potter shooed her away when she went for Hawkeye. She was on cleaning detail after we got these boys patched up and I swear she almost cleaned a hole through the operating table. So what next? Potter wanted to talk to you when you woke up."

"He does? Why?"

"I guess Hawkeye panicked and told him you wanted to leave."

"Did he tell him anything else? The reason I want out?"

"No, I don't think so. He asked me what I knew but I said it was best if you explained. I don't think Hawk told him anything. But I'm guessing you already told Hawkeye everything."

"I had to." Irene held up her injured arm. "Shirley messed up my arm before we left and he noticed. She lied and said a soldier did it to me."

"Seriously? I thought that was from battalion aid. I'm not surprised she lied. So you told Hawkeye everything? Even about the kimono? I saw the scraps after you left."

"Yeah, I told him that too."

"He wanted me to get him as soon as you were awake."

"It's alright, wait until morning. I don't want to disturb anyone."

"Houlihan said you should be able to go back to our tent later today anyway. Maybe you'd rather see him in there? It'll be a little more private."

"You're terrible," Irene smiled.

"Get back to sleep." Alice guided Irene back onto her pillow and tucked her in. "If you need anything, just let me know."

Irene rolled over and pulled her blanket up to her chin. The last thing she remembered was leaning against Hawkeye to sleep on the way back from battalion aid. There were flashes here and there but she wasn't sure what was real and what was a dream. One thing she could remember, however, was the comfort she got from his warmth. It conflicted her. She didn't want to lose that warmth, but there was still the matter of his personality. He was known to skip between women and she had no right to ask him to stop.

Margaret allowed Irene to walk back to her tent since the snow was too deep for a wheelchair. The storm had long stopped, and jeeps had turned the streets to muddy slush. How they managed to get through, Irene didn't know. Halfway across the compound and her stomach growled, causing her to divert toward the mess tent where Radar stopped her at the door.

"Oh, Irene," he smiled through chattering teeth. "Good to see you walking around. You feeling alright?"

"I'm fine. The pain meds are doing their job. Now I just need something on my stomach."

"They already put the food away, but you can help yourself to the kitchen. Nobody should be in there right now."

"Thanks Radar. Might be better if I made it myself. At least then I can make sure it's not surplus from the last war."

Radar laughed. "Good luck." He waved and left for the office.

Irene helped herself to the kitchen where she found her idea of avoiding surplus to be impossible. Except for fresh, unpeeled potatoes, everything was canned or bagged. With a heavy sigh she grabbed a potato and began to clean and peel it before she realized she was being watched.

Shirley stood with her back to the door and her eyes burning holes in Irene. Somehow Irene knew the time for talk and idle threats was over. She turned to face Shirley, watching her every move as the blonde slowly walked toward her, sick smile plastered on her crimson lips.

"I tried," she said, her voice calm but strained. "I tried to be nice." Without looking she slid a knife from a butcher block and pointed it at Irene. "All I wanted was for you to keep your mitts off him. He was mine. He should be mine!"

By the end she was yelling, and Irene was trying to think of a way out. The windows would need to be broken out and she wasn't sure she could climb out with her leg or without risking massive injury, but Shirley was blocking the door. Calling for help surely wouldn't do her any favors either. She picked up the potato behind her, locking eyes with Shirely's.

"I did what you asked," Irene said, voice shaking more than she wanted. "I told him we couldn't be friends. I didn't choose to go on that mission, I was picked."

"By Hawkeye!" Shirley screamed and slashed at Irene but she was still halfway across the room and out of range. "Why didn't he choose me?"

Irene didn't dare answer. Shirley took a few steps closer and Irene saw her moment. She began pelting potatoes at Shirley, one of which slammed into the side of her face. As she clutched at her cheek Irene tried to make a break for it, running as fast as her wounded leg could carry her around the opposite side of a table that sat in the middle of the room. Anything she could find to throw, she did, but Shirley recovered too quickly.

Pain shot through Irene's leg as Shirley grabbed her by the hair the moment she hit the door and yanked her back into the kitchen. The table she'd run around caught her in the middle of the back and she cried out. Shirley shoved her onto her back on the scarred wooden surface. Irene grabbed for anything she could as Shirley pressed the knife to her throat.

"I don't understand," Irene gasped. "I didn't do anything."

"I saw you leave his tent in that kimono that should have been mine. He never bought me anything like that."

"I didn't ask him to! I was going to return it." Irene grabbed Shirley's wrists and tried to push her away. The blade loomed over her throat and her heart pounded in her ears. She wriggled and fought but Shirley pushed ever harder until Irene knew she had no other option but to scream for help, assuming no one had heard the commotion beforehand.

Apparently, someone had. Shadows fell over them from the windows and she could hear them outside, yelling, running. Help was coming. She only had to hold on.

Hawkeye was the one who came through the door first, followed closely by Colonel Potter, Radar, and BJ. The sight within stopped them all on a dime. Hawk licked his lips and stepped forward slowly, hands up. He'd obviously been sleeping. His hair was tousled around day old bandages and his robe was hanging off one shoulder.

"Shirley, put the knife down," he said.

"No!" she replied, tears streaming down her cheeks. "If she's gone, you can love me again."

"What are you talking about?"

"You know," she hiccupped. Her grip was loosening some, but Irene was too afraid to push her off in one go. The blade was still too close. "Since she got here you've paid her all the attention. You forgot about me because of her."

Shirley stabbed the knife closer and Irene barely had time to tense up.

"If you do this, there'll never be a me and you again," Hawk said, rushing forward only to stop himself after a step. "You know how this'll end if you hurt her and then… how can I be with you if you're behind bars?"

The entire room froze for what seemed like an eternity. Shirley's eyes shifted rapidly, tears streaming down her cheeks and onto Irene's shirt which covered a heart that beat a mile a minute. Irene wouldn't be surprised if everyone else could hear it.

"You threw me aside for her," Shirley said at last, shaking her head but making no move to push the knife closer. "I don't understand."

"I think there's been a mistake," he said, but his tone was uneven.

"You know, Hawk, he's a flirt." BJ spoke calmly but his hand gripped the doorframe so hard his knuckles had gone white. "He does that with every new nurse that comes through but you, he talks about you all the time."

"Yeah, how could I pass you up?" Hawk took another step forward, but Shirley didn't move. "You're beautiful and kind. I've never seen a nurse with more care and patience. You're… you're intelligent and funny. I wish I'd known you felt so strongly about it—"

"Would have have changed?" Shirley yelled, now staring daggers at him.

"Of course I would have. Now put the knife down and we can talk about it, alright?" Carefully, slowly, he extended his hand and wrapped it around Shirley's. She hesitated, then released the knife and let Hawkeye lead her to the door where two MP's stood waiting behind BJ.

Hawk passed her off and Potter demanded she be held in the VIP tent until he could arrange for a court martial. Shirley realized she'd been tricked, and her screaming could be heard across the compound as the MP's arrested her.

Irene was back on her feet by the time Hawk got to her. She didn't shrug away when he put his arms around her to comfort her and in her relief, she held him back.

"I should take another look at that leg," BJ said as Hawk helped Irene limp toward the door. "It's bleeding again."

"Probably ripped the sutures open," Margaret said.

Gently, Hawkeye picked Irene up and carried her back to OR, slogging through snow that had turned to slush in the road. "You're going to be just fine," he said. "I'm going to scrub up and take care of those sutures myself. And right after, I need to talk to you."

"Me too."

Irene hadn't been in post-op a full minute when Hawkeye came to her side. He sat at the edge of her bed and she sat up a little on her pillows. There'd been plenty of time while tending to her leg to think of what she was going to say to him, but not nearly enough to ease the tension she felt in her chest.

He'd hardly sat down, and she already felt a lump in her throat.

"I wish I knew what to say," he began, forcing a smile. Purple rings under his eyes and a tired expression spoke volumes about their last few days. He took her hand in his and stared at it as he traced over her knuckles. "I can apologize. Swear that if I'd known I'd have changed but—" he shook his head. "I never could have imagined things would end up this way."

"I should have said something sooner, but I think it's time I said something now." Irene clutched his hand firmly and swallowed hard. "Hawkeye… Since I met you something's happened, I never intended. I've started to care about you."

"I have too," he said. "At first it was just a crush but now, with everything we've been through, I think… I think I love you."

"Hawk, please. I'm trying to say that I can't."

"What? Why? Shirley's going to be court martialed. She'll be gone and—"

"Do you even hear yourself? She loved you enough to try and kill me in order to get you back. And you cast her off just like that? I'm not saying what she did was right by any means and she deserves the punishment she gets; but what about you? I'm afraid. Shirley was amazing, despite her… her obsession. Whatever made her do all of this aside, you had no idea and thought she was great. And what? I come into camp and you forget about her. I can't give my heart to someone who does that. I need a man I can be first with. If I'm here with you, I can't trust that I can keep my distance."

"So you do care about me? Then why are you running? If you feel it too, why can't you stay, and we can be together."

"I don't want to be hurt like that again. I'm sorry Hawkeye… Doctor. I think I need my rest." She pushed through despite the tears that snuck their way past her resolve. He didn't hesitate to wipe them away even though she wasn't telling him what he wanted to hear. "I'm still going to request a transfer tomorrow morning. I'm sorry."

Hawk hung his head and nodded slowly, still dragging his thumb over her knuckles. "Me too." He left without another word but slammed the post op door so loudly Irene was sure the nurse on staff was going to have his head.

Irene watched the door for several minutes, unsure of what she expected to happen next. When nothing did, she lay back in the cot and stared at the ceiling until she fell asleep.