Selina got out of the bathtub after almost an hour. She felt tired like she'd just ran a marathon, with her chest going up and down softly with her heavy breathing. If Bruce had walked in on her at any point during her bath, she'd be in trouble; but then again, he usually overreacted over what for her were the silliest things.
The fact is she'd been letting herself sink down to the bathtub floor and then staying there until she felt her lungs imploding in despair. Then she'd sit up and enjoy that inexplicably exciting gasp for air as her heart pounded in her chest, so fast and desperate she could feel it everywhere in her body. Puffing and panting, she would try to listen closely to see if Bruce was near, and if he wasn't, she'd do it again and again until her body was drained physically, and her mind mentally.
Her clothes sat on the counter by the sink and she put them on quickly without even a glance to the mirror. She felt a whole lot better, but it was still a bit hard to look at her still slightly protuberant ribs and bruises. Not because of esthetics matters or anything like that, but because seeing them was triggering and made everything more real, forcing her to acknowledge that it had all happened, and it hadn't been just a very realistic nightmare. And so she put on some leggings and one of Bruce's hoodies so it'd cover her arms and hands completely.
Although the weather had been kind of cold, Bruce had noticed that behavior of hers, cause she usually wasn't one to walk around so covered. He had thought she was in denial, but then reasoned with himself that her reaction was somewhat normal given the torture she'd been put through. He'd been able see the depths of it, though, when one day, while she leaned over their bedroom balcony, he made one of his first attempts to get closer to her since they'd been back. He simply hugged her from behind from under her sweater, only to appreciate the view with her, but he noticed her slightly flinching, then uncomfortably trying to settle into his touch, as if to try to not hurt his feelings.
He didn't mind it, though, and pulled his hands back from her skin. He also tried not minding that, unlike before, they mostly slept untouching, though still face to face and with at least some skin brushing against the other's. Or that sometimes when he'd walk into a room where she was, she'd curve herself like he was some kind of cold and unwelcome gush of wind sliding through. It was clear she didn't want to be touched too much, and he tried not being offended by it - which he wasn't, but once in a while he'd get frustrated for having to walk on eggshells around her, though he didn't blame her. The whole situation sucked.
Bruce was aware that her secret keeping had been hurtful, and even kind of insulting to him - it bothered him that she didn't trust him enough to be comfortable telling him. But on the other hand, he understood why she felt like she couldn't, given his many displays over the time they were together that when it came to the Joker, he was his Achilles' heel. He knew, on some level, that he probably would've never heard about their involvement if things hadn't turned out the way they did. And he also knew he would've been okay not knowing about it, if it meant Selina would've never been put through what he did to her.
It's true he wasn't happy about the whole thing, but still, he couldn't help but feel like he'd been too hard on her given the circumstances. She was already in a deeply delicate and fragile state, both physically and psychologically, and he'd shut himself off and closed the one set of arms she could run to. When it came to her, he realized there were many times he'd have to suck it up and swallow his pride for her benefit, and he also realized he was okay with that. Her life had already been troubled enough without him setting more obstacles.
When Selina re-entered the bedroom that day, Bruce was lying in bed using his laptop. Her eyes flickered absentmindedly to the hole he'd punched on the wall weeks before, for some reason he hadn't yet explained, and she wondered if he'd heard anything from her in the bathtub. Probably not, or he would've said something. She walked over to the bed and lay on her side, her back to him and her legs huddled together against her stomach.
Bruce eyed her from the corner of his eye at first, then sighed and stared at her longingly, wishing he could just wrap his arms around her and dive his nose into her lavender-scented hair locks. Instead, he put his laptop away and did the closest thing. He brought his hand and, as gently and softly as necessary it'd be to touch a sleeping baby, caressed the top of her head and ears. She shivered a bit, but didn't flinch nor seemed to mind it. After a while she quit fighting it and gave into the urge to feel his skin too.
She grabbed his hand and he initially thought she was asking him to stop; only she kept it tangled in hers over her shoulder. Bruce eyed her studying her, but he couldn't see her face enough to guess what she was thinking. She brushed his hand with her thumb faintly and then, after a couple minutes, gave it a kiss and turned on her side to face him. He could now see it, and contrary to what it was like when they'd first met, her eyes told him everything. They wore a somewhat wistful, apologizing tone, usually so rare it pained him to realize how constant they had become recently.
"Talk to me," he asked quietly.
She closed her eyes and sighed, unsure what to do. He settled himself down on the bed and turned to her with patient eyes, grappling her hand tighter in his.
"I used to think there wasn't anything that could break me," she mumbled pensively and seemingly more to herself than to him, "but I really think now I'm beyond repair. And I don't wanna waste your time."
A sharp pain hit across his chest in shock as he realized what she was intending to do, but he didn't give it time to settle in. He took a deep breath and looked at her firmly.
"Don't start this, Selina. I know you. When things get too complicated, your first instinct is to make a run for it. I'm not letting you do that. And now that you told me you loved me, you're even more scared. I get it. It's pretty terrifying to let your guard down, but it will be even more so if you start isolating yourself because of it," he said, then brought his other hand to her face and continued with a softer, gentler voice, "Now look, I'm not going to pretend I understand what you're going through - I can't even imagine. And I feel shitty all the time knowing I could've avoided a lot of this. Every time I see this pain in your eyes, it kills me. It fucking kills me. But I promise you, you are not irreparably broken. You are a force of nature unlike no one I've ever met. And I'll be here for as long as you need, to help you pick up the pieces, one by one if that's what it takes. But I need you to be here, to work with me here. Just let me in."
She sniffed quietly and looked away from his begging eyes, "I don't know how," she said under her breath.
"You start by talking to me," he said and then continued when he noticed she was about to cut in, "doesn't have to be about what happened. Doesn't even have to be related to that. Just tell me how you are, what you're feeling. I know you think I can be judgemental and captious, but I promise you I won't be. I'm on your side here, no matter what," he stared at her until she was forced to stare back, "I admit you say some pretty scary things sometimes, but I promise I won't get scared," he smiled at her and got her to chuckle a little, though still sniffing a bit.
"Okay," she compromised, then sighed, "I just… feel… worn down. And numb. And trapped in a body that does nothing but remind me of everything that happened."
"Okay, that's good. At least you can put it into words. Whatever you feel is okay. If you wanna cry, I got shoulders right here. If you feel like punching someone, I'm right here too," they both smiled sadly, "but Selina, your scars are not there to remind you of all the bad things you've been through. They're there to show how much you have survived, and how much you can endure. Most of them will go away anyway. And even if they don't…", he touched the place where her bullet wound stood on her collarbone, "this here, for example. It shows how brave you are and have always been, since you were a kid," then he brought his hand to the knife stab scar on her back, "or this one. It's there because someone loved you, the same way you loved your siblings. None of these were stemmed from good things, but you can give them new meanings, better meanings."
Selina studied his eyes for quite a while, unable to figure out what to say. He had that effect on her, and it could be frustrating for someone who always had something to say on the tip of the tongue. But with him, she didn't mind as much anymore.
"Did you major in psychology?", she asked jokingly.
He laughed lightly, glad he could see a little spark from the old Selina in her eyes, and thinking that she had a fire that burned so bright it really was impossible to put out, even in her lowest moments.
"But seriously, though. Don't promise me anything, except that if you ever stop loving me, or feel like quitting me, or decide it's just too much for you, you'll tell me."
"Selina, that's never gonna happen."
"Yeah, but if it does…"
"If it does I'll tell you, okay? And I'm only saying it cause if there's one thing I know for sure is that it won't. I would never leave you. I don't know how you still can't see that even if I wanted to, I'd never be able to. So stop being afraid of me and realize how fucking obsessed I am with you," he said holding her face with his two hands and smirking. She laughed and a tear she hadn't realized was there streamed down her cheek. "I'm serious, you should run while you can. I might have a problem."
She giggled, "I love you."
He beamed widely and pulled her in, unable to think twice before reaching for contact like that. But she didn't seem to mind this time, hiding her face on the curve of his neck and hugging him back.
"I love you too," he mumbled into her hair.
"I don't know why it took me so long to say it. It feels so good," she muttered against his skin and heaved a sigh of relief.
———
"I just talked to Alfred, he's arranged the penthouse in town for us," Bruce said as he grabbed their suitcases from the car trunk.
"Is he meeting us there?", Selina asked.
"Yeah, he'll get there earlier to try to handle the press."
They waited by the airstrip and the captain came down the jet stairs and greeted them both, shaking their hands. Another two men came to take their bags and they boarded the private plane.
A month had passed since they had first discussed a possible trip to Gotham. Harley had been sent back there the week before and awaited trial to finally claim her spot in a cell in her previous workplace.
Bruce realized he had the option to turn Selina's wish to go back there into a new fighting topic, or he could just take the opportunity to stand by her like he'd promised he would. But she hadn't been on board with him joining at first. She was too scared to expose him after all the trouble he'd been through to fake his own death. But Bruce was quick to dismiss her concerns by taking care of all the details and helping Alfred come up with the right publicity stunts to cover for them. He also made it clear that it wasn't a problem for Bruce to be alive, as long as that fact couldn't be linked to Batman somehow.
Blake was also in on the plan, obviously. Since the appearance of a second Batman in the Paris incident had not been displayed to the public, this would be an easy fix. Batman would be making "sudden" and punctual appearances throughout the city during and before Bruce's arrival to the city.
The story had also been set. Bruce had been away in a treatment center in Switzerland in a rehabilitation program. He, the doctors and closest friends had decided that it would be better for him to fake his death so there would be no possibility of the press following him and digging into it, which could jeopardize and slow down his recovery process. No one would question the authenticity of the story given the troubled playboy persona impression the media and society usually had of him.
Selina was not completely calm and accepting of the whole thing, but she also didn't want to cause a fight; and, admittedly, she didn't know if she'd be able to make it there without him. She'd also have a part to play in said backstory - the old friend with whom Bruce had reconnected in a time of need. Since there was no track record of Selina Kyle nor Selina Dyer anywhere to be found, that would also be an easy lie to sell. The only problem that could arise would be the people from her past recognizing her, which was why they were planning to be out in public as themselves as rarely as possible.
The flight to Gotham was quite tranquil, though Selina wasn't. She was agitated for the most part and even declined the whiskey and wine the stewardess offered her, which was when Bruce realized actually just how panicky she was. Even though she'd barely slept the night before, she was awake for most of it, and was only able to calm down and at least take a nap when Bruce pulled her to his lap and cuddled her like a baby. If someone had told him a year ago that's what he'd be doing - and most of all, that she'd be enabling it, he would've undoubtedly thought they were either crazy or lying.
By the time the plane landed, she was feeling a bit calmer. It was morning and though the weather was cold, the skies were blue and sunny. Although they had made sure there would be no journalists or paparazzi waiting for them at the airport, she still made sure to put on her sunglasses and hat to try and avoid being recognized. They managed to get out of the airport and get into the car that waited for them safely unnoticed.
However, by the time they turned right on the building street, they could see from afar the crowd that gathered outside the door. Bruce was somewhat used to getting that kind of attention, but Selina hated it. The car made its way through the people and the cameras and Bruce reached for her hand to try to reassure her.
"It'll be fine. Just walk straight through and don't say anything. I'm right here with you."
The doorman opened the door for them and Bruce stepped outside, immediately pressing the button on his light stealer device and hearing groans of complain as the cameras shut down. He held the door opened, standing protectively over it so Selina could get out too. They practically elbowed their way through the crowd, swerving from voice recorders and ignoring the intrusive questions. By the time they reached the door the security guards were then able to help them through and into the building. Alfred was waiting for them on the lobby, and Bruce went straight to him to happily greet him.
"Alfred."
"Master Bruce. Back from the dead once more," he laughed and they hugged, "Miss Kyle, it's lovely to see you again. You look well."
"Alfred, please, I've already told you to call me Selina," she rolled her eyes and smiled, then held his hands and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek.
"Just give up, Selina, he won't listen, he's too English for that," Bruce said as they entered the elevator and Alfred laughed.
They settled themselves in the giant penthouse and then went to take a shower while Alfred prepared everything for lunch. Bruce's suite was completely surrounded by glass walls, but it was so far high up in the sky no other apartment around could see into it. Selina put on her bathrobe to went out to the balcony and stared at the city in front of her as she rubbed healing ointment on her wrists distractedly.
"Hey, how are you doing?", Bruce came out to check on her.
"I'm alright I think. Just never thought I'd come back here."
"Yeah, me neither. It seems like everything's the same, though."
"I hope not," she chuckled humorlessly.
He then hugged her from behind and casually slid her robe down a bit to press his lips to her neck, sending shivers down her spine.
"God, do you remember the last time we were here together? You were heading to your heroic death," she said sarcastically and he laughed, "They were literally burning bridges. I had just killed Bane. Gee, it was chaos."
"Well… what I remember… was you…" , he mumbled in between spreading kisses down to her shoulder and back, "taking your sweet time… to kiss me… in the midst of said chaos… even though there was a bomb about to go off… just a couple few feet away from us."
"I wasn't about to just let you go down without a treat, now was I?"
"Sure hope not," he muttered while bringing his lips to her earlobe, sucking and biting gently on it.
"Bruce…", she moaned, half leaning into it, half fighting it.
"Yes?", he whispered, never separating his mouth from her skin.
"I don't think that's such a good idea," she forced it out of her and tried to catch her breath.
"And why is that?"
"Well, first…", she started saying, and then he hit that sensitive point in her neck he knew was her weak spot. She closed her eyes involuntarily, still trying to uncloud her thoughts and remember whatever point it was she was trying to make, but it was becoming impossible.
"Yes...?", he asked teasingly, and she could sense the implied amusement in his tone.
He then drove his hand to her neck with the softest, almost tinkling touch and held her jaw to turn her head further to the side and make more space for him to kiss. Selina's breathing quickly became rapid and heavy and she couldn't help but lean back to rest her head on his shoulder. Yet, there was still something making her uneasy - his touches, however exhilarating and intoxicating, left her apprehensive and anxious. When he reached for her hand with his other one and his fingers brushed against her wrist, she instinctively and immediately stood up and pulled away from it.
He barely had time to grasp what happened before he saw a silver flat round object flying only a few feet away from them. The camera drone was pointed in their direction.
"What the…", Selina gasped.
"Don't worry," Bruce said.
His calmness confused her, but it only lasted a second, because when she looked again there was a red laser aimed at the lens. The drone wiggled in the air as if it was in distress and then it quickly fell a couple floors down before recovering and flying away.
Selina looked at Bruce at a loss.
"We have these automatic lasers on the windows. They capture signs of movement and signals around and destroy the cameras and hard drives."
"That's… clever," she replied, still a bit puzzled. "Should we go inside anyway? Lunch must be almost ready," she asked and walked in before he could say anything else.
Alfred had arranged for them to have lunch with some of the board members of Wayne Enterprises. Only the closest ones, the ones Bruce actually trusted, or at least respected, enough to believe they wouldn't go out to the press to mention anything too personal about him or Selina. That was something necessary to keep up their cover story and reassure the company that despite Bruce's sudden return, nothing would change and his stay wasn't permanent.
When Bruce and Selina walked down the stairs, dressed up and ready to maintain their facade, they were already waiting for them in the living room, sipping champagne and chatting curiously. Bruce had already put on his extravagant businessman posture as he opened his arms to greet them collectively and then one by one.
"It is so nice to see you again, Mr. Lockwood. May I introduce you to Miss Dyer here? Selina, this is Jeffrey Lockwood, one of our oldest members of the board," he'd say excitedly.
He played his part so naturally only Selina and Alfred were able to see through it. She was also extremely good at pretending to fit into that crowd. Of course, that was due to years of experience infiltrating these kinds of circles, acting as the perfect trophy escort to senators, judges and eccentric rich men so she could steal their wives' jewelry later. From the outside, they looked like the perfect cover couple for Gotham's young elite.
"I must say, it's good to see you've finally found someone to settle down Mr. Wayne," said one of the women in a masked snide tone, looking fascinated at Selina, who was quick to give her a little plastic smile instead of pulling her face off, which was what she actually felt like doing.
"Well, thank you Mrs. Weiss, Selina really is one in a million. She really made me see what an empty life I led before", he talked so theatrically Selina had to bite her lip to stop herself from laughing, "all those women, and drugs, and partying, it just wasn't healthy. I realized what I actually needed was someone to come home to."
Selina choked in her champagne when she couldn't hold a laugh back, but quickly managed to regain her composure.
"Are you okay, honey?", Bruce asked patting her back and looking concerned, but she could see from his pressed lips that he was also having to put an effort to keep it together.
The lunch went accordingly for the most part, and the both of them were able to stay in character through all of it. Bruce asked for a minute of silence for Lucius Fox, and then after they had all eaten, they were all talking in smaller groups around the table. Bruce was telling two men about his newest car acquisitions in Europe and Selina had been cornered by this short old man who kept telling her about his horses and his grandkids, but could never hear her when she replied.
At some point, she just asked to be excused, and then whispered it into Bruce's ear to let him know. She opened the door to the kitchen, where Alfred was coordinating and instructing a few waiters.
"That's dejà vu right here," she joked.
Alfred then saw she had come in and dismissed them telling them to go serve dessert.
"Miss Ky… Selina, do you need anything back here?"
"No, thank you, Alfred. Uh… no, actually, coffee would be nice," she reconsidered and leaned over the kitchen island.
He quickly started preparing it on the coffee machine, "Is everything alright, then?", he asked like he genuinely wanted to know.
"I just haven't slept much," she deflected, "and if I'm gonna hear Mr. Wolowitz blab about his snotty grandchildren one more time I'm gonna need this."
"Yes, that is a current topic with him," Alfred chuckled and gave her the mug, "is there anything else I can do for you?"
"No… I just came here to get some air, I guess," she answered, though looking like she wasn't ready to go back there yet.
"I understand," he replied, then pulled a high chair and sat down. Selina sighed and copied him. They were quiet for some time while she drank from her coffee. "Are you okay, Miss?", Alfred asked again, in a more serious but soothing tone, "Last time I saw you, you were still… struggling. But you seem better now."
"Yeah… but just because I'm talking doesn't mean I'm better."
"So you're not?"
"No, I am," she sighed, "I'm much better. I just… I don't know."
"I'm listening," he said patiently.
"I'm fine, most of the time. But it's just, sometimes, it hits me, you know? And it's like I can't breathe. Other times, I get these flashbacks out or nowhere, and it's like I'm there again," she exhaled, "I don't get it. I've been through worse. Or at least comparably bad, and it turned out fine."
Alfred studied her for a while, then said, "If you put book after book in a shelf, never picking or taking any off, one day you're going to put one that it just won't accommodate anymore. It doesn't even have to be the largest or heaviest book amongst them to get the shelf to break."
Selina thought about it. "So you're saying I'm a broken shelf?"
"No. I'm saying sometimes something happens that makes us realize there's a lot we haven't dealt with. And then this seemingly small thing turns out to be the last straw, and we think we've broken too easily. In your case, there's nothing small about it. But we accumulate every little and big thing that happens, and eventually if we don't deal with them, they just keep piling up until one day they all collapse and come down on us. It doesn't mean we're weak, it just means we're hoarders."
"Okay... And what are we supposed to do then?"
"We let go. All these books in your shelf, you've already learned from them. You don't need all of them anymore. It's unnecessary baggage."
Selina sighed and lowered her forehead in her hand, "I don't know where to put them down."
"You'll figure it out. But you don't have to do it alone, you know," Alfred searched for her eyes again, "Master Bruce cares deeply about you. Don't you think he could help you?"
"He does. In so many ways. I breathe better with him. And he is so impossibly understanding, and patient, and kind. Honestly, the guy is a saint," she chuckled nervously, "he already puts up with so much for me, and from me. I can't shove more stuff in his plate."
"Of course you can. He's a big boy, he can take it. Specially from you, he's glad to take it. I guarantee you he'd much more rather you dump it in his plate than you hide it under yours. And I think it goes both ways. If Bruce was going through something, wouldn't you prefer he told you and let you help him over having to watch him suffer in silence, or worse, being ignorant to his sufferings?"
Selina smiled softly and reached for Alfred's hand over the counter, "Thank you, Alfred. I'm glad I talked to you. You're incredibly great at giving advice."
"Anytime, Miss," he reached back for her hand too, "you make Bruce extremely happy, all I want is for you to be happy too. You were a gift to this family."
Selina grinned blushing and then awkwardly picked up the mug to finish her coffee.
"Selina, we…", Bruce walked into the kitchen, "what's going on here?"
"Nothing, just going over some things about our plans with Alfred. What's up?"
"They're leaving. We should come and say goodbye."
As soon as their guests left the house, Bruce started taking off his tie and let himself down on the living room couch. He'd really grown unaccustomed to using them. Alfred and the waiters were organizing and collecting the dishes around the room. Selina sat down next to his head and started stroking his hair gently.
"You were a very convincing wolf of Wall Street back there."
"Thanks. You were amazing too, Naomi. Though you did leave me juggling these oldies a while here."
"Sorry. Mr. Wolowitz was boring me to sleep, I needed to grab a cup of coffee."
"Hey, Alfred? Did everything go accordingly in Old Town?"
"Yes, sir. Mr. "Blake" was just spotted stopping a bank robbery there," he answered after checking if there was anyone around.
"Thank you, Alfred. Do you think we have some time to get some sleep? Selina barely slept these last few days and the night flight didn't help us either."
"Absolutely. I'll wake you up if there's any pressing matters."
They both headed to the bedroom and changed their clothes to more comfortable ones. Selina tied her hair in a high bun and splashed her face with cold water in the bathroom sink, the caffeine effects getting her antsy and not at all less drowsy. That would not be a nice combination.
Bruce was already in bed and she could see he was fighting his sleep to wait for her. She snuggled her way into his arms and rested her ear on his chest like she liked to. Feeling unusually affectionate, she looked up to gaze at him and caress his sleepy face. He half smiled at her and fell asleep in less than a minute.
Although she was agitated, she did her best to stay quiet and unmoving, knowing even in his sleep he was always alert, specially about her movements. Looking at him sleeping so peacefully got her feeling incredibly guilty, because she knew she was the reason for all his restless nights. There wasn't one night that she had a nightmare or even just typical insomnia that he wouldn't stay up with her. He'd cuddle her all night long if that's what it took for her to calm down after a bad dream. He was too good. And she'd never be able to live up to it.
A few hours later, Bruce woke up startled when he realized it was dark outside. He looked around still half asleep and it took him a second to remember where he was. His first reaction was to reach out for Selina, but he found nothing but cold sheets on her side. As he turned on the lights and got up, the first thing he saw was Selina's suitcase opened and some of her clothes scattered across the floor.
"Alfred, have you seen Selina?", Bruce asked as he walked into the kitchen to find the man talking with the cook.
"I'm sorry, Master?"
"She's not here, and I'm worried cause she didn't say anything.
"No, I haven't seen her since you two went upstairs," he answered, but then continued talking when he saw the concerned frown on Bruce's face, "I'm sure she's fine, she's probably just taking a walk or something of the sort."
"Yeah, sure," he said as he tried her phone once more. A familiar ringtone started coming from the living room and he puffed as he found it was hers. "Great," he said as he tossed his cellphone angrily on the couch.
"Calm down, sir. It's not even 9pm, it's still early. We'll give it some time and if she doesn't reappear we'll go look for her."
"No, Alfred, you don't understand," he sat on the cushions and let his face rest on his hands frustrated, "she hasn't been herself lately. She's way more… delicate. I need to know where she is."
"I know you two have been through a lot lately and I can understand your apprehension and need to know her whereabouts. But we have nothing to worry about yet. Give it time. If she's not back by 11, we'll have Blake look for her. Right now we have no reason to believe she's not anything but alright."
"I'm always watching her, Alfred. She's not alright, though she can do one hell of a job pretending she is."
"I understand. But what I meant is that she's safe, and she'll be back in no time."
Bruce didn't know why he was so anxious about the whole situation. Was it weird that she'd leave the apartment and not even leave a message or a note? Yes. But was it concerning? Rationally thinking, he didn't think so. However, his protective instincts over her had been infinitely magnified since Paris, and then again since the day she opened up to him about her recent strains and struggles.
He decided he'd wait a while, then. Alfred went to brew him some relaxing tea, but then he looked at his distressed composure and realized whiskey probably would be a better fit for the moment.
———
Halfway across town, Selina jumped on her heels and grabbed the metal stairs to the fire escape outside a building. Even that early in the night, her former neighborhood was already practically cleared out of people, with the only ones outside at that time being a few drug dealers and prostitutes, their prospective clients, and people definitely up to no good. She fit into neither of those categories anymore, but they didn't even raise an eyebrow to her once familiar face passing through, running over the streets and roofs in her catsuit.
She rushed up the stairs until the third floor and knocked on the window.
"Jen! It's me, Selina."
No answer.
"Jen...? Alright, if you're in there, I'm coming in. Don't shoot."
Selina looked around the tiny loft they used to share. It seemed like a lifetime ago. The lights were off and she couldn't see very clearly, so she took her mask off and was immediately alarmed when she noticed a strand of red hair moving in Jen's bed. She couldn't see a face, but the sounds coming from the woman were pretty self-explanatory.
"Shit," she whispered, unsure if she should announce herself or get out.
Suddenly someone turned on the bedside lamp and she saw Jen's confused and surprised expression staring at her from under the redheaded girl.
"Shit, Jen, I'm sorry, I should've called first..." Selina blabbered rapidly, but was quickly interrupted by the both of them at the same time.
"Selina!"
"Claws?!"
Selina froze on the spot, finally paying attention to Jen's date. She hadn't heard that name in years.
She was exactly like she remembered, only with a thinner, more grown-up looking face. Selina was suddenly extremely tense and her fight-or-flight response tilted, leaving her paralyzed. But then the girl smiled widely and quickly wrapped herself in sheets before running in her direction.
"Claws, I can't believe it's you!", she gasped, hugging Selina tightly with one arm while using the other to hold the sheets in place.
Selina held her back lightly automatically, but the shock was evident on her face. Jen was putting on her robe and looking at them confused.
"Pamela, what… what are you doing here?"
"Well, duh!", she said throwing a glance at Jen.
Selina blinked still perplexed, then shook her head, "Jen, hey", she hugged her, "sorry for dropping by like this."
"No worries, Sel, glad you're back. How do you two know each other again?"
"We were cellmates back in juvie. Remember, I told you about her?", Selina asked.
"Oh! You're the Pamela..."
"Well, I guess I am!", she said excitedly.
"So you're out…", Selina mumbled awkwardly.
"Yeah. Just got out three months ago. I'm still on probation, but they kicked me out for good behavior."
"That's great... awesome… so, how do you two know each other?", she pointed at the both of them.
"We just met a few weeks ago at this new club," Jen replied, smiling at Pam, "and now we're hanging out, I guess."
"Hanging out, Jen?", the redhead asked pretending to be offended, "You called me your girlfriend this morning! We're dating, she's just too weird to admit it," she said and then kissed her cheek.
Selina laughed a bit uncomfortable, "Congratulations then, you two. I just need to grab something with Jen and I'll be out of your way."
"Wait, you should stay. We can order pizza or something," Pamela said, then looked at Selina from head to toe like she was finally noticing her, "why are you dressed all dominatrix, by the way?"
Selina and Jen laughed, then the latter said, "It's her catsuit. You know, as in Catwoman."
"Oh my god, that's right! Okay, when you told me you used to be roommates with her I would've never thought I used to be roommates with her too. Well, cellmates, but you know, same thing."
Selina chuckled, "Okay, guys, we can meet and catch up tomorrow, but I really need to go right now. Jen, do you remember those stuff I asked you to guard and keep for me when I left?"
"Ohh, yes. I'll go grab it."
Suddenly Pamela hugged her again when Jen left for the kitchen, "Oh, I missed you so much, Claws. You should've stayed in touch, damn it."
Selina sighed and allowed herself to hug her back in the same intensity, "I know, I'm sorry. I guess I just thought… Nevermind. I'm glad you're out now."
"Yeah, me too. Don't disappear on me again, okay?", she said then gave her a peck on the cheek before letting her go.
Jen came back with a set of keys and handed it to Selina, "It's all there in the storage unit. The box, and the, other thing."
"Thanks, Jen. You're a life savior."
"So, are you gonna tell me what you've been up to for the last year? Or where were you, at least?"
"It's a long story. I'll explain it to you later. I'll text you tomorrow so we can get together," Selina said as she put her mask on again and headed for the window.
"You know, you can exit through the door like a normal person…", Jen yelled, but she was already gone.
Selina jumped from roof to roof crossing streets and neighborhoods. She stopped once when she saw a guy following this teenage girl in a dark street. She pulled her into an alley and signaled for her to keep quiet, then kicked the guy's ass when he came in looking for her. Then she put the girl in a cab and went back to springing her way home.
She used her whip grappling it to the metal grid on the fire escape stairs on their building to jump from the next door roof to it, then climbed the rest of it to the penthouse floor using the stairs. There, even though she was opening the window to get inside as slowly as she could, the wood squeaked high once and gave her away. She made a mental note to rub some oil on it the next day.
It was a little past eleven when Bruce desperately picked up the phone to call Blake, but then was suddenly interrupted by noises coming from the kitchen. He and Alfred exchanged looks and went to check it out cautiously. When he turned on the lights, he saw Selina sliding through the half opened window, then jumping down from the counter. She was in her complete Cat costume and her lips were a little upturned, until she looked up startled by the sudden light and saw them.
"Hey…", she started talking.
"Selina, what the hell? Do you mind telling me where the fuck have you been?", Bruce snapped.
"I'm going to give you two some privacy," Alfred said as he started exiting the room, "nice to see you're alright, Miss."
"What… why are you mad?", she asked confused.
"Well, let me see, I wake up and you're nowhere to be found. No one could tell me where you went to. You left your phone and couldn't even bother to leave a note!"
"I couldn't sleep so I went out for a while. Geez, sorry dad. Guess I missed my curfew again."
"No, don't mock me," he said angrily, "this is serious. Do you know how worried we were?"
"Bruce, for god's sake, I was gone for a few hours at most," Selina replied annoyed.
She took off her mask and dropped it with her whip on the kitchen island looking irritated. Then she took off her bladed heel boots and collected all her stuff back, starting to head to the bedroom as he followed her.
"Ugh, I was in such a good mood, now you've ruined it."
Bruce was a little curious, but not enough to dissipate his anger.
"Oh I'm so sorry that my worrying about you has left you grumpy. I'll try to dial it down a bit, okay?", he said sarcastically.
"I left the apartment, Wayne, it's not like I left the country," she clapped back as they entered the suite and Bruce shut the door behind them.
Selina had tried to not provoke him intentionally by using his surname like that, but sometimes it would just come out naturally when she was pissed. And she could see in his eyes it had worked.
She sighed defeated dropping her things on the floor, "Bruce, I don't wanna fight. Can we just forget about this?"
"No! No, we can't. Cause you can't seem to understand what happened here, or else I have to believe you simply don't care what you've put me through," he yelled exasperated and let himself down on the bed, sitting with his hands covering his face. "I'm trying to help you, Selina. I really am. But sometimes you don't seem to want me to," he said, this time trying to control his tone.
"I want your help, Bruce. I don't even think I deserve it, but I really do want it. But you also need to trust me. How many times are we gonna have this fight?"
"I don't know Selina!", he cried out losing his temper again, "But you do remember what happened the last time we had this fight, right? Or the last time you left without telling me where you were going? You're not the only one having to deal with all that crap! You were missing for days, and when I finally found out where you were, I immediately wished I hadn't!", he shouted, then took a deep breath and lowered his voice, "Do you have any idea of what it was like? I'm not comparing scars here, you had it much worse than me. But can you imagine for a second what it was like for me, knowing you were trapped by that clown for weeks while there wasn't much I could do about it? While I had to sit and wait and keep wondering if I'd be too late? While I spent nights on end wondering what he could've been doing to you? Wondering if you were even alive?", his voice faltered.
Selina's chest pained listening to him, seeing him in that state. Her irritation disappeared completely watching that man break down in front of her. She didn't deserve someone loving her that much.
She approached him and sat down by his side, wrapping her arms around him and making his head rest on her shoulder. He didn't lean into it at first, but she didn't care.
"I'm sorry. You're absolutely right. I should've left a note or something. It was stupid of me to think it wasn't a big deal," she said and moved her head to force him to look at her, "you deserve better. I'll try to do better, I promise, okay?"
"Cellphones are supposed to be carried with us, you know?", he spoke, not seeming so mad anymore.
"I don't have a pocket in my suit, you know?", she said playfully.
"Guess you'll just have to add one, then," he replied, but then his lips broke into a tight smile.
She felt utterly pathetic, bordering on ridiculous whenever her heart skipped a beat when he smiled. A strange nervousness would take over her, like he suddenly wasn't the man she lived with or spent practically 24 hours a day with anymore; but like they were on a first date, or like she had just fallen in love at first sight. Like she'd just come out of a disgustingly cheesy high school romcom.
Fighting every nerve on her body telling her she shouldn't - couldn't do it, she pressed her lips against his; softly and hesitatingly, as if she had never been there before; touching his hair like she was discovering it for the very first time; listening to every thought in her head, the good and the bad, and pressing her eyelids shut harder when she had to confront an especially nasty one.
He was patient. Compliant. Accommodating. He let her have all control and take her time. He waited for her to bring his hands to her face when she started feeling more comfortable. He stroked her cheeks gently, like she might break under his touch. He knew that wasn't true, though. He'd never seen anything stronger than her.
She pushed him down, laying him on the bed slowly, handling him carefully so as to not wake up the sleeping monster inside her. The one who'd remind her of all the ways her body had been handled wrongfully. In Bruce's arms, though, it seemed to be almost just a shadow of what it usually was.
He touched her with such tenderness and reverence her heart filled with overwhelming warmth and emotion. She settled her weight on top of him and let him hold her to him. His hand tangled in her hair smoothly, his arm closed around her waist protectively; his tongue asked to be excused from her mouth, making its way to her jaw, then her neck - the furthest south it could get with her in that suit.
Her breathing faltered, and her body begged, more, more, now. Her hands found his chest, his waist, his back. Her lips found his eyes, his ears, his neck. Her stomach found something else. More, more, now.
Her mind whispered, slow down. Her fingers found the buttons of his shirt. Her mind warned her, slow down. His fingers found the zipper on her back. Her mind yelled, slow down. Her hands found his chest and her back the mattress. His found nothing.
"I can't do this right now," she breathed out.
He gulped and took a deep breath, trying to calm down his heart rate, then turned to the side and grabbed her hand.
"It's alright. We don't have to."
She was quiet, and he waited.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, "I really thought I could."
"I understand," he said, "I love you. I only want it when you're ready, and not a second before."
She chuckled quietly and in disbelief. Only he could know the right answer to everything, even when she didn't know it herself.
"I love you too," she never got tired of saying it.
She slid closer to him and stroked his face for a second; then confused him by driving her hand into her suit and reaching for something seemingly in her bra.
"I do have a surprise for you though," she said as she waved a set of keys in front of his eyes.
——
Notes:
Back in Chapter 7, I introduced Pamela to this story, if you don't remember. In chapter 8 notes I told you I pictured her as Sophie Turner.