A Technicality
A ritual to cleanse Hermione's new house has unexpected consequences.
Pairing: Rabastan/Hermione/Regulus
Rating: general
Warnings: none
Tropes: Accidental Marriage
Words: 1,585
Original Release Date: 20 July 2020
Beta'd by JasontheGuitarist
It was a deceptively easy ritual, and thoroughly influenced by modern Muggle Paganism, or so Hermione had thought. Light some candles, stand inside a chalk circle, wait until the witching hour to say the spell, that sort of thing. If it wasn't in a book that Headmistress Minerva had recommended, she likely would not have done it.
But Minerva—and Molly and Arthur—had insisted that since Hermione had purchased an existing magical residence that she needed to perform the ritual to properly close any remaining Open Spells from the previous occupants. Open Spells weren't something she was taught directly about at Hogwarts, but the longer she was in the Wizarding World the more she was finding her Hogwarts education had been a shallow pool in the ocean of magical knowledge.
The most thorough class at Hogwarts had been History of Magic, but Binns had mostly focused on the Goblin Wars. There had been one term that was taught by someone who wasn't a ghost, and that was focused on the Wizarding War with He-Who-Must-Remain-Unnamed which happened the generation before Hermione's. Several of her friends were orphans because of that conflict.
So Hermione had performed the ritual and thought nothing more of it.
Until two days later at breakfast when she received an owl from the Ministry congratulating her on her recent marriage and arranging for her to have her husband released from Azkaban into her custody. While she was getting dressed to go to the Ministry to clear up whatever misunderstanding had happened to spawn the message, she received a second one, exactly as the first.
Thoroughly confused, and not a little peeved at having her day's schedule being rearranged, Hermione dressed in one of her sets of navy, no-nonsense robes and used the Floo to the Ministry. After registering her wand at the front desk, she headed to the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes.
The wizard at the desk of that department took the letters from her and read over them. He shook his head. "Sorry, this isn't from our Department. Try over at the MLE." Hermione thanked him and headed back towards the lifts. She hadn't expected much from Magical Accidents, even though these letters were obviously a mistake.
Instead of stopping at the front desk of the MLE, she went straight back to Harry's office. His godfather and Auror partner Sirius was in the room as well, and both of them were bent over studying a handful of open books and scrolls.
"Hey Hermione," Harry greeted. "Did I miss an owl from you or something? You don't normally come to the Ministry if you can help it." He rubbed his hand through his messy hair and added, "It's just, we've received notice that some long-time Azkaban inmates are being released into familial custody today. Inmates that we didn't think had any remaining family."
A feeling of dread blossomed in Hermione's stomach. "Oh no," she said. "I think I may have a clue for you then. I got these letters this morning. I thought they were sent in error or something but..."
She handed the letters to Harry who handed one to Sirius. They both cast a spell with their wands and held them over the parchment. In the lower right-hand corner of each letter, a series of numbers and letters were revealed. The two men shared a worried look.
"Did you cast any major spells recently? Anything unusual?" Sirius asked.
"I did a ritual to close any Open Spells on my new property."
Sirius sighed and dropped the parchment he was holding onto the desk. "I always knew they were clever; didn't expect this though."
"Expect what?" Hermione asked, shifting forward on her feet. "What's going on? Minerva and the Weasleys vouched for the ritual and said it was necessary."
"I'm going to guess that the property you purchased was a foreclosure from Gringotts, and the previous owners were unlisted," Sirius said.
"Yes, how did you know that?"
"It seems two wizards left Open Spells for marriage on the property. I'm assuming you used the ritual to bring any Open Spells to a positive conclusion."
Harry picked up the explanation. "And that positive conclusion was taken as consent for marriage." He grimaced at her. "I think you've accidentally got yourself married."
Trying to hold on to some hope for fixing this ridiculous mess, (married to two! wizarding criminals, what would her mother say!), Hermione took a deep, calming breath. "There must be some way to dissolve this."
"Ministry law requires a three-month cool-down period for couples to work on their issues before allowing them to file for divorce. Seems like you're stuck in this for a little while at least," Harry answered.
Refusing the urge to grind her teeth in frustration, she finally asked. "Well, who are they, why were they in Azkaban, and why are they being released into my—err, familial—custody?"
Sirius said, "Regulus Black and Rabastan Lestrange. They participated as Death Eaters in the Wizarding War under He-Who-Must-Remain-Unnamed. They were sentenced to twenty-five years before being allowed for parole in familial custody."
Hermione's bloom of dread had developed into a full-blown field of dread-flowers by now. Death Eaters meant prejudice and twenty-five years in Azkaban? It would be a wonder if they were even partially functional and sane. One thing stuck out in her mind, though. "Isn't Regulus your brother?"
Sirius's shoulders raised in a little shrug. "As the arresting Auror, I waived my right to be his custodian, and our parents died years ago."
"And when I file for divorce in three months, what happens to their parole?"
Harry shrugged and sat down in his office chair. "I don't know. They go back in, I guess."
"But without family available for custody..." Hermione trailed off. A different sort of feeling was spreading throughout her limbs now. A sense of empathy, she thought.
"They go back in for life," Sirius said. He looked down at the desk and closed one of the many still open books laying there.
* . * . *
Two days later, in slightly nicer robes, Hermione stood waiting in the Retrieval Room in the MLE waiting for her... husbands. The idea of being married hadn't settled in fully yet, and she was expecting the worst. But when the two men arrived by Portkey in simple drab green robes, looking tidy if not fit, her hopes that they wouldn't be completely insane and homicidal rose a small amount. Regulus, for it had to be him, had jet black hair that was pulled back into a queue at the nape of his neck. He was tall like his brother and thin but not emaciated. His grey eyes held lucidity when he searched the room and found her. The other man, Rabastan, had auburn hair that was cropped short and slightly styled. His eyes were a pale green, and he too seemed relatively sane, though it was too soon to tell for sure.
"Hello. I'm Hermione Granger."
"Our wife," Rabastan said, grinning at her. His teeth were yellowed but not missing which was nothing a little cleaning cosmetic spell couldn't handle.
"Entirely by accident, I assure you."
Regulus's grin was closed-lipped, and his voice held more snark. "On your part, perhaps." He took a step forward, and Hermione took one back. He halted. "If you'll be so kind as to return our wands, then."
"Since I don't know you, and you're being released into my custody on a spell technicality, I've been advised to withhold your wands for an undisclosed amount of time," she said. Regulus's light eyes turned stormy and dark. She tried not to let it unsettle her. "It's to determine how stable you are after so long in Azkaban as well as for my protection." She paused, taking a moment to look from Regulus's piercing gaze to Rabastan's curious one. "I'm Muggle-born."
"Did you expect us to be drooling maniacs? Incapable of anything but violent murder at the smallest sign of mundaneness?" Regulus asked, his aristocratic drawl heavy as he spoke. "You're our wife; we're grateful to you."
"We won't harm you," Rabastan said, almost speaking over Regulus.
Hermione forced a smile onto her face, though she suspected it looked more like a grimace. "It's also to provide the Aurors an evaluation period, to see about letting you remain on parole after I file for divorce in three months."
Regulus turned to look back at Rabastan, and the two shared a non-verbal conversation that ended with Regulus nodding and returning his attention to her. "Fine."
Rabastan stepped closer but kept his hands clasped together in front of him. "Do you have a Portkey for us to go home or are we to use Muggle transportation?"
"I was thinking we could use the Floo. Is that all right?"
"Yes, of course. I hadn't thought of that," he said. "When we lived there, we didn't have the Floo connected. It makes sense that you would."
Hermione tried not to let his ambiguous remark make her bristle. "Well, then." Refusing to let her nervousness show, she turned and led the way out of the Retrieval Room. On the way out of the department, they passed Harry and Sirius. Hermione glanced back to see Regulus's reaction to his brother; his expression displayed unbridled loathing for a brief moment, but then it disappeared back into neutrality.
She had a feeling that the next three months with her unexpected roommates were going to be some of the biggest trials of her life.