Breathing space...
PSA Eighteen: Jealous Emotionz
Begin Tape
"Jeepers, Nazz, you really knocked everyone's parents senseless with your big speech at the parent-teacher association meeting today!" Sarah oozed in admiration as she, Kevin, and Eddy stood tightly gathered around Nazz in the school cafeteria.
"It was no biggie, Sarah! I practically had that speech memorized after I recorded it and played it on loop through my headphones while I was sleeping last night!" Nazz explained coolly while sitting perched on the edge of a short side of a lunch table. She had one hand resting on the table's edge so she could lean slightly cocked to the side and she used the other to flick at a lock of her hair.
After a long afternoon of boredom-inducing lectures from school staff during the extended PTA meeting, the kids had all gathered in the cafeteria for an evening meet-and-greet between teachers and their parents. Most of the children had wisely decided to chat among themselves or stuff their faces with school board approved snacks instead of mingling awkwardly with the adults.
"Modesty doesn't suite you, babe," Kevin complimented while performing a double finger point at the feminine object of his rapt attention. "Sarah wasn't joking around, you were such a knock-out up there that I wouldn't mind getting a copy of your speech on tape. I'll give it a listen for motivation while I'm practicing punts out on the field," he praised affectionately.
Nazz simply giggled and gave Kevin an alluring sideways glance that sent rivers of adrenaline sloshing into his arteries. His skin began to resemble melted wax under the direct thrall of Nazz's stare, however Eddy thrust his hand into his pocket and yanked out a pair of keys covered in crud and held them up to direct the girl's attention over to him.
"While old man shovelchin's making mud streaks in the football green, I can help you cool down from all that public speaking by giving you a personal tour of my tricked-out van!" Eddy offered as he bounced his eyebrows up and down, Kevin's skin solidifying once more with Nazz's microwave gaze fixated away from him.
"You never mentioned having your own van to me before, Eddy!" Nazz gushed as her iris caught the twinkle from the keys drooping from Eddy's hand. "Once this whole after party dies down, maybe Sarah and I can come with you to see how wicked it is in person, dude!" she suggested while throwing up devil horns on her hand, Eddy's grin expanding to nearly rip the corners of cheeks open and Sarah's grin dampening a tad.
"Squeezing together inna cramped stinky van with Eddy isn't how I wanna celebrate with you, Nazz!" Sarah complained veraciously, barely maintaining her abnormally cheerful demeanor at the stray thought of such a horrifying and thankfully fictional scenario.
"My van ain't cramped, Sarah! There's plenty of room for Nazz in the passenger seat and there's a fuzzy shag rug you can roll around on in the back!" Eddy argued smoothly, salivating over the major street cred he would gain if he could party with two girls in his van instead of one.
"Half-pack here is over-blowing his wheels! I've seen Eddy's van in person, Nazz, and the only trick left in its playbook is plowing hood-first into a car crusher!" Kevin derided before performing a magic trick of his own by stepping to the side to reveal his glittering bicycle sitting on its kickstand behind him. "You need a set of real wheels like mine to really crank things up! We can go for a midnight ride to show off Peach Creek's favorite spokesbabe to the whole town!" he tempted before placing his hands on the bike's handlebars and twisting the front wheel toward Nazz.
"Boy, Kevin, a whole parade in my honor would be a real treat! You've got this spokesbabe blushing thinking about taking a spin on those spokes!" Nazz answered with intensity while running her fingertip across the particleboard table top.
"Why think about riding with these two rockheads when you can head over to my house for a sleepover?" Sarah interjected, sweeping out her leg to move in front of Nazz and block her view of the boys. "I've got my pop CDs, cheesy nachos, and name brand soda on stand by for a girls only night you don't wanna miss!" she suggested cheekily, redirecting the endless ire of Eddy and Kevin the competing admirers toward her.
"That sounds like one awesome night too, little dude! I wouldn't mind pumping out all my post-speech energy with some tunes and grub!" Nazz responded sweetly before placing both her palms on the table. She scrunched her lips together and wrinkled her nose, scanning over the three strained smiles in front of her while thinking over each of their offers.
Eddy and Kevin rejoined the huddle on either side of Sarah, and the three of them performed the amazing feat of remaining deathly quiet while in each other's presence for the first time in their lives as they eagerly awaited Nazz's verdict. The background noise of teachers, parents, and kids chatting away and the pattering of feet on the tiled floor filled the air between them as Nazz continued her silent contemplation.
"Who's it gonna be, babe?" Kevin finally asked after a few moments as he twisted his hands around his bike's handlebars in sweat-drenched anticipation.
"Yeah just say somethin', waiting for you to reject these two pigeons and choose me is killer on my nerves," Eddy murmured while grinding his keys between his fingers.
"Your nerves are gonna be killed to bits when she skips with me to my house for the sleepover," Sarah snarked at Eddy through clenched teeth.
"If I can be honest with you three dudes..." Nazz began while drawing circles on the lunch table with her finger, the three admirers leaning in toward her. "I sort of want to hear more of what each of you have to offer. You know, to help me make up my mind!" she explained with a guilty yet thoroughly pleased grin.
Eddy, Kevin, and Sarah prepared to unleash the full extent of their celebration plans, but simultaneously choked up when the sound of snipping scissors signaled the presence of three newcomers marching toward them from out of the throngs of people hanging around the cafeteria.
"Greetings everyone! I hope the four of you are enjoying the festivities after such an exciting educational event!" Edd said warmly as he, Lee, and May joined the group.
Nazz and the others eyed Edd and his uncommon choice of company with suspicion; they noted the white aprons wrapped around Edd and Lee's bodies as well as the long pairs of scissors in their hands. Their eyes then collectively studied May, who had on a ragged black sweatshirt with a bullseye on the front and the hood pulled over her head.
"What are you doin' hanging with Lee and May, sockhead?" Eddy asked in shocked anger before concealing his van keys back in his pocket. "Did the principal assign you to them as an escort since it's too dangerous to let them run loose around the student body?" he questioned further.
"You wish we were that easy to control, don'tcha muffin top?" Lee cracked before Edd could answer, running her fingers around the closed blades of her scissors. "Double D here was just helpin' me out with givin' May a long overdue haircut!"
"I really was due for a new do, and my boyfriend said the only way he would direct a monster movie starring me is if I handed him as much of my hair as I willin' to cut off!" May explained as she played with the drawstrings on her hoodie. "Talk about the perfect excuse to change up my style!"
"I wish that dumb movie idea had fallen through..." Sarah mumbled to herself before clearing her throat. "Why the heck would my brother want clippings of your hair?" she asked loudly, May and Lee biting their lower lips as they grinned down at her.
"Big Ed thinks May's hair has magical type properties or some crap!" Lee sputtered out before elbowing May in the side, both of them supremely yucking it up.
"Ed's misguided relationship decisions aside, I only played my part for the sake of recording another PSA for our viewing audience," Edd explained as the sisters continued their hysterics next to him.
"Bro, there has to be better topics left to cover than a video manual for hairdressers," Kevin criticized while redeploying the kickstand on his bike and crossing his arms.
"That was precisely my thoughts after we finished the recording, Kevin. When I realized that a tape on safely grooming hair was stretching the PSA theme a tad too far, I left it on the cutting room floor," Edd bantered with a small grin.
"Well I'm glad you dudes had fun being a barbershop trio, but we were kinda in the middle of something!" Nazz finally spoke up from her lofty position on the edge of the lunch table, returning everyone's attention to her.
"Right, babe, but we were moving from the middle part to the happy ending where you hop on my bike and we blow a trail straight out of here to less lame pastures!" Kevin quipped after swiveling on his heel to face her. He stumbled back and landed on the seat of his bike when Sarah slapped him aside with a mighty backhand.
"Tag along with me instead of Kevin and I bet I can get Ed to be our personal waiter! We can dance non-stop in my living room while he worries about bringing us food and drinks!" Sarah offered as she gripped onto loose folds in Nazz's jeans.
"No way that's happening, Sarah, when Ed's gonna be our driver while me and Nazz take it easy schmoozing on the water bed in the back of my van!" Eddy cut in ferociously while forcing himself nose-to-nose with the furious girl.
"I see what kinda women you're really into now, lil man!" Lee commented slyly while snipping her scissors for dramatic effect. Eddy swallowed nervously before peeling his face from Sarah's and cheesing delinquently at the eldest Kanker.
"W-Wait, Lee, she's just a temporary side fling... o-or no, I meant Nazz is just a close friend..." Eddy choked out, Sarah and Kevin beaming evilly behind him in depraved amusement.
"Forgot all about your sweet girlfriend from the trailer park chaining you down, didn't you, dorky?" Kevin ridiculed quietly at the shivering Eddy, Sarah giggling in mad glee.
"Don't lose sleep over it, dreamboat, I ain't offended in the least!" Lee claimed facetiously before grabbing the sleeve on May's hoodie and leading her from Edd's side so they could cast imposing shadows over Eddy together.
"Y-You aren't? S-Seriously?" Eddy asked in the false hope that Lee was even stranger than he thought and got some kind of sick pleasure out of seeing him hit on other girls.
"You're in for it now, mister captain of the dreamboat express..." Sarah whispered to Eddy from behind him before backing away so she didn't get caught in the crossfire of whatever carnage was about to erupt.
"For serious, Eddy, and I actually gotta gift for ya since I know she's yer type!" Lee claimed before reaching over and curling her fingers around the top of May's hood. "Ready, May?"
"Show me off like a four by four pickup on a showroom floor, Lee!" May cheered, her sister promptly yanking the hood down to reveal May's dazzling, brand spankin' new haircut.
"Are you freaking kidding me right now, dude?" Nazz bellowed in unfettered disgust as her former triple-pack of admirers gasped at the state of May's hair.
"Someone pinch me because I'm about to do something nuts!" Eddy announced before retrieving his van keys and holding them up before a giddy May and a devious Lee. "Why don't you mosey down to the junkyard with me, May, and we'll check out my van! Heck, you can even bring Lee along if you want!"
"Only if ya let me and Lee be the lucky gals who get to pinch you!" May snorted coyly to the awestruck short boy, Lee running her thumb across her neck as she stared daggers over at an aggravated Nazz.
"Hey, I know I've never been on a first name basis with you, Kanker babe, but I wouldn't mind establishing it right now!" Kevin stated quickly as he wheeled his bike over to stand next to Eddy.
"Take me for a bike ride to Eddy's love van and you may just call me May, Kevin!" May cracked with a wild look in her eyes as a side effect of having boys run toward her instead of away from her.
"And after that, you can join me for that sleepover I was talking about! You're already gonna be around my house to make that movie with my brother, so you might as well spend some time with me while you're at it!" Sarah explained as she admired the short trim on May's bob cut.
"I love me a rowdy sleepover! If it's good enough, I'll even see about gettin' ya a supporting role in the movie!" May promised while crossing her fingers in secret.
"Dudes, are your brains all scrambled or what?" Nazz interjected while bouncing by her buns off the table and landing beside the new object of everyone's attention. "This is still May Kanker you're going crazy over, except with the exact same haircut I have!" she pointed out vindictively to the group of absolute slow-wits.
"Yep still me under this new wig, but I guess I wear it a lot better than you do!" May retorted while patting at the perfectly trimmed ends of her hairdo.
"That's totally not true! Stick to the official model sheet from now on, because this is so wrong in more ways than I can even count to, Kanker dude!" Nazz squabbled as her fists shook profusely by her sides.
"Take your toothless hissy fit over to the real man responsible, head hussy! It was Double D who said me and him should cut May's hair like this!" Lee revealed while jabbing a finger over at Edd, who quickly received a bloodthirsty stare from the frazzled Nazz.
"My part in this fiasco hasn't come yet, Nazz, so please proceed with the aforementioned hissy fit..." Edd deflected meekly.
"Look, like, whose fault it is doesn't matter!" Nazz replied before twisting her gaze to Lee. "You should walk your style-stealing sister straight out of this cafeteria before something uncool goes down!" she threatened, though it appeared to only egg them on rather than scare them off.
"Remember how we both said I was still May Kanker under this wig? Well don't forget that, tramp stamp!" May barked in agitation with sudden broiling wrath.
"I'm not as easy to fool as the rest of these dudes, that gnarly fact didn't slip my mind..." Nazz seemingly relented before turning away for a moment and sucking in a deep breath of air.
"That's what I thought ya'd say!" Lee put down while patting May on the shoulder. "Let's get back to everyone fawning over my klutz of a sister instead of-" she started to rudely tease when suddenly Nazz whirled around and brazenly full-body tackled May straight in the midsection.
Too startled to do more than gawk, the rest of the group watched as May thudded against the cafeteria tiles with Nazz on top of her. Frantic murmurs started to pass around the mixed crowds of adults and children as Nazz attempted to maniacally claw and tear at May's hair, the youngest Kanker barely swatting her attacker's hands away to protect herself.
"Ed won't be the only one with clumps of your hair when I'm done with you!" Nazz heaved out madly while trying to break through May's defenses.
"Throw me a life boat, Lee, or my hair's gonna get shredded!" May pleaded, kicking Lee into high gear. She scrambled over and wrapped her arms around Nazz to pull her away from her younger sister before any real damage could be done.
"Dang, shovelchin, did you know Nazz had all that in her?" Eddy asked quietly while watching Lee struggle to hold the scratching cul-de-sac cat still in her grip.
"No, but count me impressed, dork bro," Kevin whispered back, Sarah simply standing idly by next to them and snickering at the whole affair.
"You got a lotta fight in ya, but I'm gonna headbutt it outta ya!" May sneered after climbing to her feet and making sure her hair was in one piece.
"I wouldn't dole out any headbutts in the middle of an event with school faculty present if I were you, May!" Edd announced as he reminded everyone of his presence by leaping like a human grasshopper between the blonde pair of predator and prey. "I implore you all to calm down and regain your wits!" he recommended while sticking a scissor-clenched fist out toward May and a palm toward Nazz and Lee.
"And why should we do that, puffer brain?" Lee questioned as Nazz started pressing against her arms to get free.
"We shouldn't restrain our mitts, Lee, not until that homewrecker gets what's comin' to her!" May seethed while still in the throes of a vengeful spirit.
"Two reasons why you should, actually! Firstly, I was tasked by the principal to watch over you both and to report any..." Edd began before clearing his throat and continuing. "... incidents that I bear witness to!" he revealed to absolutely no one's surprise, though Eddy did sneak in a fist pump at his own astounding clairvoyance.
"And what's the other half of this big poop you're dropping on our fight party?" May asked between haggard pants as she continued to attempt yet fail to calm down.
"The missing half is my usual point by point deconstruction of this 'Not Good' conflict that has sprung to life between you three ladies!" Edd replied before dropping his arms and depositing the scissors hanging from his thumb into a pocket on his apron. "If you would release your captive, Lee, we shall begin with her!"
"Yer lucky you ain't my captive or I'd ignore that request," Lee purred before swinging open her arms and dropping Nazz to her feet.
"How do I need to be torn down, Double D?" Nazz interrogated incredulously. "I mean, everything was fine until they showed up!" she stated while dusting off her clothes with her hands. "These Kanker dudes definitely came wanting to cause trouble!" she debated in a defiant tone, Lee nodding happily behind her because she detected no lies in that last statement.
"Undoubtedly they did, Nazz, but clearly you were too blinded by envy to prevent your own contribution to that trouble!" Edd responded, Nazz's eyes darting to the tiled floor as the angry wind was ripped from her sails.
"I don't know what you're talking about, I wasn't jealous at all..." she defended unconvincingly while rubbing at her arm.
Edd collected his thoughts and began to approach Nazz; the crowds of teachers and students around the cafeteria lost interest now that the thrilling conflict had turned into chilling conversation and returned to flapping their gums among themselves.
"Even if you can't admit it before a crowd of your peers," Edd continued as he stepped closer to Nazz, the ashamed girl slowly lifting her head to face him. "Your envious emotions did indeed get the better of you when you were no longer the person whose attention was sought after! And while poisoned by these glaringly 'Not Good' emotions, you lashed out in violence rather than seeking an alternative resolution!"
"All that might be true, Double D, but how else are you supposed to deal with jealousy? Especially when someone purposely steals attention from you?" Nazz questioned as Lee moved from behind her and glued herself back to May's side.
"It can be hard to rid yourself of envy, but patience is sometimes the best route," Edd proclaimed before smiling kindly at Nazz, though it didn't do a drop of good to restore her damaged spirit. "Remember that attention comes and goes! A temporary loss of affection due to an unexpected competitor is just that—temporary! Owning up to your own pride and being the bigger person is painful at first, but eventually your friends will come to their senses and return eagerly to your side once their fascination fades!" he explained before slapping his hands together and nodding toward you, the reader.
"Sharing the spotlight for even a minute stinks, dude," Nazz admitted while turning her head to you, the reader, and dispelling the bitter aura that formerly hung over her. "But it rocks when you learn to get over yourself and play it cool! No one owes you their attention, audience dudes, you have to do your best to earn it!" she explained, earning her an impressed nod from Edd.
"Sounds like miss big shot finally learned her manners! 'Bout time!" Lee taunted while giving a single snip from her scissors.
"I'm sure glad she learned her lesson too or else the spotlight woulda been ripped from my head!" May exclaimed cheerfully before she and Lee began to chuckle maliciously at you, the reader.
"Ah yes, when it comes to that spotlight..." Edd began before redirecting you, the reader, to completely focus on the trouble-making Kanker duo. He raised a finger to begin speaking but paused and tapped it against his chin instead.
May and Lee waited expectantly for his verbal dismantling while Nazz looked in concern over at Eddy, Kevin, and Sarah, whose eyes had glazed over from sheer boredom.
"Everything I just said to Nazz applies to both of you as well!" Edd finally declared, deciding to spare everyone involved a repeat of the same lecture with the words changed around slightly. His neighbors all sighed with relief and they joined Edd in staring at you, the reader. "Becoming the owner of envy is a heavy 'Not Good' burden that no one loves to be saddled with! If you simply accept having to share the stage with someone else for a time, however, you can avoid that burden driving you to the point of violently removing your competition!" he lectured expertly like it was his job and, at this point, it basically was.
"And all the naggy crap Double D is spewing goes for more than just getting attention!" Eddy mentioned to you, the reader, so that he could get some attention of his own again at long last.
"Yeah, whether it's getting worked up over someone else getting a better grade on a test, a bigger allowance, or a nicer set of wheels than you! Don't get jealous, bro," Kevin pointed out to you, the reader, while resting his elbow on his bike.
"Tell that jealousy to take a hike or use that emotion for encouragement to do even better yourself!" Sarah mused to you, the reader, as she, Eddy, and Kevin reluctantly leaned in together to show there were allegedly no hard feelings between them.
"And you and May have learned a valuable lesson about jealousy here as well, correct?" Edd asked Lee hopefully, causing her to stop cheesing at you, the reader, and grin over at him instead.
"Consider it learnt! Me and May will remember your soapbox junk so that we don't step on the toes of the 'Queen of the Cul-de-sac' in the future!" Lee replied, prompting Nazz to turn away from the reading audience with a coy grin of her own.
"You think that burns me up, Lee Kanker, but I can live with the heat now that I know you view me as the queen of our neighborhood," Nazz bragged as she relished Lee's offended expression to her counter barb. Sarah giggled before skipping over to Nazz and tugging on her shirt sleeve.
"It's got me cracking up, Nazz!" Sarah stated before releasing another short giggle. "She might be all big and scary, but she's also big and stupid if she thinks you're the queen and not me!" she laughed ruthlessly, garnering offended gasps from both Lee and Nazz.
"Better to be big and stupid than small and stupid like you, baby girl!" Lee retorted while grabbing May's shoulder and guiding her forward. "Besides, if there's gonna be a queen in these parts, then it's gotta be Marie!" she demanded as she and May darted past a worried Edd and halted in front of the two haughty girls.
"What? Why Marie, Lee? She ain't even here and I thought you always loved bein' top dog?" May asked rapidly in surprise.
"I do love bein' in charge, and that's why I'm gonna order her to be the public face while I'm jugglin' all the real power behind the scenes! You can be our coffee girl or sumthin'," Lee explained resolutely, taking this entire situation as seriously as a hardcore heart palpitation. Eddy and Kevin watched the argument with an unhealthy amount of interest from the sidelines while Edd stepped forth in a desperate attempt to intervene.
"Oh my, please settle down! This conflict is supposed to be settled, but-" Edd started but was quickly interrupted when Nazz let off a chuckle.
"If me being a star in our neighborhood is this big of a problem for you dudes, then why don't we let everyone vote on who the queen is?" Nazz put forth before cracking a disarmingly confident smile. "Then again, I would totally be a shoo-in so I guess there's no point!"
"You think you have everybody wrapped around your finger, Nazz?" Sarah spat viciously, Nazz blindsided at the change of heart in the girl who was swooning over her minutes before. "Then get ready to audition for a second PSA on jealousy when you watch everyone vote for a real cute and cuddly girl like me!" she raged while making the least cute and cuddly face possible.
"The people demand an election!" Eddy shouted over from next to Kevin.
"You girls don't want to disappoint us people, do you?" Kevin further encouraged to Eddy's delight.
"I hear the people loud n' clear!" Lee called back before stabbing a pair of fingers at Nazz and Sarah. "And the people are gonna be linin' up to crown Marie 'Queen of the Cul-de-sac' while you two kneel down and buff my shoes!"
"Fat chance of that happening! None of you Kankers are from the cul-de-sac so you're not allowed in our election!" Sarah countered with a shaking fist.
"I hear that, dude, it'd be foreign interference! And it's not like anyone would, like, even vote for your creepy sister if she participated!" Nazz piled on.
"Y'all are just scared the voters prefer wild girls like us and will give our creepy sister all their ballots of love!" May snorted brutishly as the four girls drew in on each other in preparation for round two of cafeteria combat.
"Then you have my permission as future queen to run your dumb campaign!" Sarah caved before digging her thumb into her own chest. "Because I'm still gonna win no matter how many girls run against me!"
"As if! It's only going to take one girl, Sarah, and that's me!" Nazz boasted before flicking her hair and putting her hand on her hip. "Maybe once I'm elected the queen I already know I am, I'll throw my own sleepover to celebrate my victory and invite you over, dude!" she teased at Sarah, who was using all remaining will power to resist piledriving Nazz into a lunch table.
"Both of ya can stand around here pickin' on each other, but me and the girls will save all our best insults for after Double D sets up this election for us!" Lee cut in while gesturing over at Edd, who gawked in alarm.
"I never agreed to having any part in this 'Queen of the Cul-de-sac' nonsense! Furthermore, such an election isn't a part of my plans for this series of public service-" Edd rattled off before stopping himself short when he noticed the four angry pairs of female eyeballs resting on him. "Ah but on the other hand... I'm sure I can find a way to twist an election into a helpful PSA or two!" he swiftly corrected himself.
"Rad! Then I'm heading over to my house to relax and check out where I can get fitted for a crown!" Nazz claimed while smirking at her newly minted political opposition. "I totally envy all the planning ahead of you dudes to actually win out over me!" she mocked as a final insult before sauntering past Eddy and Kevin, winking at them, and heading for the cafeteria exit.
"Nazz must've been around Kevin too long to get an ego like that!" Sarah said bitterly and without irony while watching Nazz leave. "But what she said did apply to you Kanker sisters! I'm pretty sure on election day, your sister Marie is only getting three votes!" she taunted at Lee and May, who gave her wrathful sneers in return. "Try not to get jealous when the rest of the votes are all mine!" she teased in finality before skipping past Eddy and Kevin, winking at them, and bouncing for the cafeteria exit.
"Those two girls aren't ready for the storm we're gonna send blowin' their way, right May?" Lee asked before tossing her hideously sharp scissors over to Edd, who barely managed to catch them without sheering off his pinky fingers.
"Yeah! I'd tell them to baton down their hatches, Lee, but I don't think they have the nails to do it!" May snorted in reply to her now slightly confused sister.
"And you musta been around Ed too long to say somethin' silly like that!" Lee stated before taking hold of May's wrist. "Let's get back home so me and Marie can beat yer boyfriend's influence outta ya! Then we'll get to plannin' how we're gonna beat the neighborhood nancies and leave 'em red with envy!" she ordered.
"The saying you're looking for is green with envy, Lee," Edd corrected helpfully.
"They sure ain't gonna be green when we're done slappin' 'em around!" Lee double corrected helpfully before she and May marched past Eddy and Kevin, blew kisses to them, and headed for the cafeteria exit.
"Those kisses they blew were definitely meant for you, shovelchin," Eddy claimed as Edd joined them at their side and tucked his extra pair of scissors into his apron.
"And I'll be sending them over to you as an early Christmas present, bro," Kevin replied with a hard sock to Eddy's shoulder. "Can't wait for the end of the year anyway so that peach debt is cleared and you'll stop shouting shovelchin at me every time we walk past each other in the cul-de-sac."
"Thankfully my own debt to organize this pointless election can be paid off much sooner than that," Edd thought aloud before agonizingly sighing with enough force to blow down a concrete dam.
"Quit the whining, Double D! Me and Ed can throw you an assist on this one and help you set it up!" Eddy comforted while rubbing his own sore shoulder. "It'll be worth it to see all the girls go toe-to-toe! It's like a neighborhood-wide public cat fight!"
"I appreciate the help, Eddy... and perhaps I really can squeeze some more educational videos out of the event..." Edd responded in an unsure tone while tapping his fingers together.
"Dang, Double D, that's all you think about these days, isn't it?" Kevin asked while crossing his arms.
"Sure seems like it, don't it?" Eddy added while cocking an eyebrow.
"These PSAs aren't all I think about..." Edd sputtered weakly, snapping out of his never-ending thoughts about making public service tapes.
"Whatever you say, man. How about you prove it by telling me and Eddy what you're thinking about right now?" Kevin interrogated.
"Very well, Kevin! At this precise moment, I'm thinking about protective head ware!" Edd replied in confidence, his friends' mouths hanging open slightly as they processed his answer.
"Why in the world would you be thinking about that?" Eddy questioned while throwing his hands out toward him.
"I'm not quite sure..." Edd mumbled while staring off in the distance.
As the PSA ended and began to fade to black, a window in the cafeteria shattered when a blazing fast chunk of gravel burst through it and scored a first-round knock out on Edd's dome, slamming him into Kevin and Eddy and sending the three of them crumpling onto the seat of Kevin's bike, which zoomed clean out of the cafeteria and straight toward the nurse's office from the momentum.
End of PSA Tape Eighteen