The Perfect Girl

When we are asleep in this world, we are awaken in another – Salvador Dali

Kim was floating in the dark.

She wasn't cold or warm, and she didn't really feel anything but her body motionless in the space around her. She couldn't see anything or touch anything, until she wasn't even sure she tried to touch and see anything. It went on forever. How long was she there? She couldn't tell time anymore either. At first, she prayed, or she thought she did, her memories were also sort of fuzzy the longer she was in the dark.

Ever since Kim was a child, heaven and hell was a constant presence in her mind. Her parents and grandparents told her about it at home. Their priest told them about it in Church and Sunday School. They used to watch cartoons and Church friendly TV shows and movies about it. It was more or less the same image no matter who told her the stories. Heaven was this beautiful peaceful and calm place where she would be surrounded by her loved ones and other good people who walked the right paths. And hell was this dark and scary place with burning eternal fire where the sinners would forever suffer because of their sins. She was also taught about purgatory. The place someone went to be purified of their sins by experiencing the same pain they would in hell before they were again innocent enough to come to heaven.

The darkness around her felt or didn't feel like any of those things. It was just darkness keeping her from feeling anything or thinking about anything for too long, but how endless long and slow time passed in the dark around her.

Whenever Kim managed to form enough thoughts to think properly, she wondered if this was punishment for something. Maybe for what she almost did with Matt, maybe for something else. She knew she had her flaws. She knew she made many mistakes. Maybe she deserved it.

The darkness took her mind away again before she thought of Jay. It was very sudden but so strong it tore her away from the nothing she felt or thought in the darkness. She didn't know how she knew, but Kim was positive it was Jay and she was somehow with her at that moment. It was like the girl's presence was almost touchable to Kim. Was she here in the darkness as well?

Jay?

She called out or tried to call out loud, but she didn't hear any sound.

A second or maybe hour afterward the feeling was gone and Kim once again sank into the nothingness of the dark around her. Was she even really there? Maybe Kim just thought about her for too long, and it made her feel like she was.

Again time passed in the dark, and Kim let it take her completely. She didn't have any strength to dwell on it anymore. Everything was dark and empty anyway.

Donnie was finishing up another report for Mikey. He had been doing one almost every day now as his brother worriedly asked for one almost daily if not several times a day. So far nothing came up from it, and Donnie was growing a bit tired. He knew Mikey was worried.

They were all worried about one thing or another.

He saw how almost pale his younger brother was when he spoke about the girl who got beaten up by her boyfriend. It let them all feel a bit uncomfortable. Violence and the victims of violence was something they were never that easy to deal with, but the fact that it was some helpless woman made it so much worse.

The thought about helpless women lead Donnie for a moment back to Kim, and he switched to a different screen in his workshop just to see if something changed in her medical file. He hacked the hospital the first time he woke up after the subway. Just to be sure that the doctors were doing what they should and that Kim was okay. He found it hard to let it go.

Until the subway, he rarely if ever checked up on the people he rescued. He wasn't vain or cocky about his success when it came to helping people so why would he? Only occasionally would he check to see if they went to the hospital if they had some serious injuries. He was a control freak, and he liked knowing they made it through. Kim was…different. He never had anyone who got hurt as badly as she did. He never almost lost anyone definitely not anyone who he talked to…

It didn't sit right with him, and it made Kim's case special in a way even if he wished it never did. He felt terrible about it even days afterward. She almost died because he couldn't get her out. He couldn't save her.

His eyes scanned the medical file. The doctor in charge returned to Kim's original medication from a few days ago. Donnie wondered why though. Nothing changed in Kim's state and even if for now she was stable she showed no signs of bad dreams or anything to need a different medication.

He switched back to his report and wrapped it up. Based on Mikey's description he formed a list of Afro-American females who came to report any domestic abuse or attack. However, with no clue or luck so far, Donnie wondered if it was worth it. It could have been the woman didn't want to report the incident or it didn't happen yet or already happened, or…and this was something he only thought about recently…it...It didn't happen at all.

His mind wondered why did the doctor change Kim's medication again before he finally started to print the report and move on to his next task the precincts and the missing guns. This was also something which was constantly on his mind. Where did the guns go? Who was taking them?

As he went through another series of years and missing guns in another precinct, he returned to the camera image of the terrorists from the subway he got from hacking the nearby shop and then traffic cameras. This probably frustrated him even more than the other things. Why the hell was it so hard to find out who these men were? The van they came in was stolen. The one who was driving managed to run away from the scene without it. There were no fingerprints, the bodies were just some local people seemingly with no connection to one another, and there wasn't a single clue about why the hell did they attack the subway.

His mind again thought back to Kim, and he opened her medical record again frowning at the medication. What changed? What caused the doctor to change the medication? Was it something they didn't write into her record? Maybe he could ask Jay…

No way! He didn't know Jay at all, and he didn't need anyone to know how obsessed he was about Kim and what happened. He already got the lecture from both Master Splinter and Leo about hacking civilians and some minor comment from Mikey.

Donnie shook his head and snatched his coffee mug groaning as he found it empty once again.

He needed to figure it out. All of it. Everyone counted on him, on all of them. The others couldn't figure it out, only him and he would. He had to.

After a couple of minutes, he went to make himself more coffee. No one was in sight which made him wonder what time it was. He was no stranger to staying up late or earlier in the morning. Lately, he had too much work to do and not enough time to do it. A part of him was grateful that the holidays were coming so they wouldn't patrol, and he could work even more.

'Another sleepless day, my son,' he heard behind him as he was returning with his coffee.

Donnie grimaced at his father, 'Yes, I have too much to do.'

Master Splinter gave him a patient look, 'But you shouldn't put too much on yourself. Not everything can be solved in one day, and not everything can be solved by one man or a turtle.'

Donnie looked back at his workshop. He knew better than to argue. What would be the point? Everyone always told him to get some rest, and he always told them he needed to work. He did. He understood the others cared for him so they wanted him to sleep, but he couldn't really do that when he had so much on his mind when his mind wouldn't shut off.

'I know, but I'm not that tired.'

'Hm,' his father walked to him and lightly put his hand on his shoulder. He was almost too tall for him to do so, and Donnie wandered back to the time they were all barely reaching Master's chest, 'You are the judge of your possibilities and limits, Donatello. Keep in mind a pair of rested eyes can see more than a tired one.'

He turned around and started to walk to the direction of his room after that.

Donnie looked at the coffee and then started to walk to his workshop. He already made himself a mug. It would be a waste not to drink it and work some more.

For a moment, Donnie confused when he spotted the light coming from the nearby room. It was the only light in the otherwise dark house, so he followed it.

'You want to go a...public school?' asked suddenly a man as the room and people inside it came into Donnie's view.

There was some sort of family dinner in place. There were two elderly adults and then two younger adults, and two kids. Three of the females were redheads.

'It was the day I asked my dad if I could go into a public school instead of our catholic one,' he heard behind him and turned around to see Kim again in the dirty coat and ripped stockings just as the first night after the subway.

Over the course of her recovery, he went through her social media and everything she had on her cyber life a couple of times trying to determine if the attack could have something to do with her even if he found it more than unlikely. However, whenever he did he felt this nauseating feeling inside his stomach knowing that the girl with the soft smile on the picture of her driver's license or tagged in the photos with her friends and family was bleeding in his arms and now in a coma. It made it so hard to look at her that after those two times he always skipped her pictures if he ever came across them and focused on other things like texts, and messages. She just looked too normal, too perfect, in her clean clothes and tied hair in a ponytail without a single hair misplaced nothing like the mess she was in the subway. It made him feel guilty for not being better and failing to protect her. It made him feel sick, lousy, and useless which after years of being the only computer and mechanic in the family who was always needed to help one way or another was a foreign and very unpleasant feeling for Donnie.

Seeing her now, however, didn't cause the same reaction inside him as seeing her perfect photos though. Instead of panic, nausea, and helplessness, he felt almost what he would describe as a relief even if she looked just as messy as she did in the subway.

'It's a dream,' he told himself out loud, and Kim blinked looking confused before she nodded slowly and looked at the people by the table, 'I told my parents I wanted to go to a public school that day.'

Now he could see it. Kim was close with her family. They all lived together even the grandparents, and Donnie found countless of photos and message exchange between. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew and already saw their faces which why his brain knew how to recreate them again. The brain couldn't make new faces it didn't know, it always went into your subconscious and pulled out the ones it already knew even if you couldn't remember them.

Kim started to walk toward him and the scene in long steps which puzzled him for a moment because seeing her standing and walking was new to him.

Donnie shook his head, 'It's a dream. I'm not really here or you and this didn't really happen.'

She frowned a bit at that. She looked more confused than angry, 'But it's my family. How would you know how my family looked like?'

Donnie stepped away from the dining room, 'I saw your mother and sister once. I also went over your life while investigating. I saw photos of them. I saw their pictures.'

He continued to explain rationalizing this to himself and his dream version of Kim.

She turned toward him. It was the first time it occurred to Donnie just how tall she was. In the photos, he could see she was taller than her parents and grandparents some of her girl friends and almost the same height as her boyfriend so logically he knew she was tall, but only once she was standing close to him face to face he realized she really was. Maybe he made her height up, but given that he knew her height it would be fitting she would go just below his neck. He rarely met anyone who was as tall as her even rarer a teenage girl. He didn't know why he focused on it so much.

'No, Donnie, it's not a dream…this happened. How would you know what we were wearing-?'

Suddenly the whole scene changed and they were somewhere else. They were in the sewer where his brothers and Master were fighting.

Kim let out a startled gasp as she moved away from Raph falling to the ground attacked by the Foot.

Donnie rushed to her and grabbed her arm pulling her to the side. It was instinctive. Protect civilians something locked inside him like one of the primal needs.

'It's a dream.'

She felt oddly solid when he touched her. Almost like she did when he carried her out of the train. Almost but not quite. How? He always figured dreams and people in them were abstract, not touchable images. He couldn't recall if he ever felt anything when he touched anyone.

It was probably just his mind. His mind playing tricks on him. His dreams were affecting him. A dream was a succession of images, ideas, and emotions or sensations that occurred usually involuntarily in one's mind during certain stages of sleep, mainly during the REM stage.

'If I'm a dream, why are you pulling me away?' she asked, and Donnie instantly let her go like she burned him not sure how to reply. It was instinct. He knew it was a dream, but maybe for a second he forgot and just wanted her out of harm's ways like he would want any poor human who could end up potentially hurt in the crossfire between them and their enemies.

'Donnie! Donnie!' screamed Leo from the other side, 'We need help!'

He turned toward the voice of his brother momentary forgetting it was a dream again as he rushed to his aid just before he disappeared and then did everyone else.

'Alright,' he heard coming from his left and both he and Kim turned to the side as Jay emerged from the dark with a pair of earphones looking emotionless as she walked. Donnie never saw her look like that as she passed both of them on her way somewhere to another dark corner.

Kim walked toward him, 'That's how she used to look like in school.'

Donnie blinked and looked over at her. Usually, he had to look down at people, not her. She definitely was the tallest woman he ever met.

'Everyone said she looked cold. Like she was better than anyone. I just thought she looked…lonely,' she said looking into the dark for a moment before she took a step back, 'Something happened, didn't it?'

Her leg started to bleed again covering the stockings with the red color spreading over the fabric of it. He felt sick again as she spoke her face revealing terror and the moment she started to remember it all, 'In the subway.'

'This isn't real. It's just a dream,' he told himself again trying not to let her rising panic to affect him as well.

Her brown eyes looked up at him so so scared, 'Did you save me?' her voice was shaky like a little bird,'Did you got me out, or-?'

'It's a dream,' he said firmer than ever, 'You're in a coma. I'm just projecting my worries in my sleep. I'm worried about you, and I blame myself. I don't need to be a shriek to know this,' he told himself annoyed and stepped away from her. He had enough of looking at her, of seeing her fear, of feeling useless again as her leg bled out.

'I'm in a…coma,' she said almost softly, and Donnie really had enough of the guilt trip.

He closed his eyes, 'Wake up, Donatello. Come on, wake up!'

'Donnie,' said Kim again, but he shook his head, 'No, this isn't real. I have work to do. Wake up! Come on. You need to check the surveillance one more time, and figure out where the terrorists got the gas from. You need to work. This isn't just you torturing yourself. Wake up.'

He didn't know how was it possible but he felt Kim's tiny fingers touch his shell tenderly, 'Thank you for saving me.'

He opened his eyes trying to look around to see her again before he realized he turned toward his old couch in the workshop.

Donnie blinked and looked around realizing he fell asleep and that it really was a dream.

He knew that. He kept on trying to wake up because he knew it was a dream.

Still, now that he did he realized there was no dream Kim around, and felt this strange weight on his chest. It wasn't a new feeling. In fact, Donnie was pretty sure he felt that way since they returned from the subway, and he had the first dream about Kim, but he realized that during this dream and the second before he realized he was awake, was the only time he didn't feel it. He felt relieved in his dream. Even if he didn't want to look at Kim's wound and when she started to panic, it was still better than the weight he felt now. It was still better than guilt and uselessness.

He sat up and brushed the back of his head, 'Why?'

No one answered. Of course, they didn't. No one was around.

Donnie got up and went to the kitchen.

'Now, look who finally made it,' said Raph with a smirk as he caught him on his way. It looked like he was in a better mood today as well. After what happened in the subway, Donnie noticed Raph was acting a bit weird. Spacey like his head was a million miles away. He wondered what got him to think so hard.

Donnie grimaced not sure or in the mood to talk as he rushed to the kitchen his mind full of Kim and the dream.

It's just a dream.

Of course, it was. He went through photos of Kim's family members so he knew how they looked and even if he didn't he couldn't really recall the faces. People in dreams were always created by the faces the person saw. It was impossible for the brain to make up new ones. He knew how Kim looked and how she sounded. He just…he just knew, and he was thinking about her and all the connections all the time so of course, he dreamed about it. It was logical and he should have expected it. Although, his guess would have been hororlike nightmares. He dreamed about Kim, so what? He was worried. He blamed himself. It was just the stress getting to him. There was no reason for him to be freaked out or dwell on it. It was just a dream.

'Hey, Raph?' he called at his brother as he walked away, 'Can we spar later? Before bed?'

His brother nodded grinning in a way that would make anyone else step back and chills run down their shell. Raph never let go of an opportunity to spar. 'Sure, bro. Get ready to have your ass kicked.'

Donnie rolled his eyes and returned to the kitchen. It was a good idea though. Raph would tire him out enough, and he would have a nice dreamless sleep. If he didn't fall in the REM he would probably not have dreams at all, or at least not remember them. That was all he needed. No dreams. No guilt trips. No redheads who made him feel even worse than he already did about not being able to figure anything out.

'Oh, for the love of-'

It was the first thing Kim heard as she darkness got vacuumed away, and she was once again in the sewers. She wasn't sure if it was just Donnie's imagination which brought them to what looked like different parts of the sewer or if it was the same place just so large, Kim had no way of knowing.

'So much for letting Raph kick my ass,' he said, and Kim turned to find him sitting in what looked like a kitchen with all the standard kitchen equipment, but in a sewer. Now, she knew only the break she ever got from the endless darkness was when Donnie was dreaming as well. It happened a couple of times now.

'Your brother?' she asked absently while walking toward the counter and looking at the stove. Something was cooking there. Soup?

Donnie was silent, so she turned around and looked at him. He looked worried and a bit annoyed. Even if his eyes were on her, she was sure it was partly directed at her so she looked away, 'Last time you said I was in a coma. How long?'

He blinked confused and looked up at her, 'You always ask me questions.'

'I don't have anything better to do than this,' she said and looked around wondering if she would try to touch something that would happen.

'Two weeks,' he said, 'You've been in a coma for two weeks.'

Kim's mind started to race over what he told her and what she knew about comas, 'Uh, they need to make a PET scan. The more metabolic activity I show the higher percentage of waking up I have. I once read that out of 11 patients 8 whose scans showed at least 42 percent of normal activity regained consciousness.'

Donnie chuckled, 'I read that too.'

She looked over at him knowing exactly what he thought, 'It's not a dream.'

Someone ran to the kitchen, another turtle only a bit shorter than Donnie with an orange mask, 'Michelangelo, the greatest cook of all times at your service!'

Kim walked closer to Donnie, 'Okay, maybe it is, but I'm not. I…I think about things, and I remember, and sometimes our dreams intertwined with each other.'

Donnie shook his head again and stepped away, 'It's just a dream. I…I'm just projecting things I think about during the day.'

Kim closed her eyes, 'What would make you believe me? I-I have a dog name Cassie, did you know that? I live in New York my whole life, my address is-'

'I know all this. I have been looking into your life,' he cut her off frustrated and turned his back to her once again.

She panicked remembering how he did so before and how she was once again in the dark not feeling, seeing or doing anything, and just feeling so terribly scared.

She rushed toward him and grabbed his wrist, 'Please don't go yet.'

He turned around looking now sad more than anything. If Kim wasn't so afraid, if she wasn't such a coward, afraid of the dark place she was forced to be in for apparently for weeks, she would have taken pity on him and let him go. She shouldn't hold him back if he didn't want to stay. He apparently had a life as well outside of dreams and clearly needed to do things in his. She also felt that it was hard and unpleasant for him to see her here all the time given his reaction from last time and now.

Instead, she squeezed his wrist tight like it was the only thing keeping her solid at that moment, 'I'm the captain of the cheerleaders in Kennedy High. One of my best friends is Carmen Bishop from high school, and Lisa Taylor from my Church, and Jay McClaud-'

'I know this as well.'

Kim blinked, 'But…how?'

'I hacked your phone and computer, and Jay's dating my brother and talks about you all the time. I ask her about you and how you are and what you do and-'

Kim let his wrist go shocked more than anything, 'Jay is dating your bother?'

Donnie chuckled, but it wasn't out of amusement more like hysteria, 'And here I thought insomnia was the worst. I'm talking to my dream made-up version of you about my family. Great. I suppose every genius needs some insanity,' he mumbled more to himself than her.

Kim was surprised, confused even. She knew Jay was seeing someone. She told her, and she made it sound like she cared for that person a lot, 'Leo.'

Donnie looked up at her and Kim quickly followed hoping to find something he couldn't know and therefore believe her that she was real, 'Jay said his name was Leo, and that he made her feel special. She said everyone always tried to make her feel special or said she should feel special because of the attention she was getting, but he…he made feel special for real. Because he cared about her beyond her being just a pretty girl.'

Kim looked at him and took a step closer, 'Uh, ask her about it?'

Donnie grimaced looking like she was absurd, 'I'm not asking Jay if my brother makes her feel special-'

Kim bit her lip trying to think, 'My favorite band is Skillet. It's a religious rock band. My favorite song is Hero. But I can't remember if I told that to Jay or not.'

Donnie shook his head, 'You could have mentioned it in your texts, or I could have run over your playlist on your phone. I can't even remember everything that I saw in your virtual life.'

Kim sighed, 'You saved my sister-'

'We figured that out in the subway-'

'You saved my life,' she said desperately. This wasn't right. She clearly was here with Donnie in their shared dreams. There had to be a reason for it. There just had to be some reason, and deep down Kim could tell it was to help her find a way to come back to the real world. She just felt it. She felt it since the first time it happened, she felt a connection. A link between her and Donnie and she was sure that link was to help her find a way back home to the consciousness.

Donnie looked away and clench his fists. The anger from before was back causing her to close her mouth for a moment, 'You're in a coma. I didn't save you.'

She could tell from his voice and posture it was something that bothered him greatly. Even last time, he seemed so…burdened by it. She wanted him not to worry about it. She wanted him not to blame himself for it because honestly how could he.

'But you did,' she said a bit softly and took a step back, 'You kept me from freezing to death and…and you fixed my leg.'

'But you're still in a coma,' he said and opened his eyes to look at her all. The pain in his eyes almost made her hurt for him as well, 'Laying on a bed, unresponsive for two weeks, and it looks like you won't wake up soon and-that's not a win. It's a failure. I failed you. I promised you that I would get you out, I promised you would be alright,' he looked away again as if looking at her and remembering all which happened and what he said was impossibly hard for him at that moment, 'and I failed. I failed you,' he lowered his shaking voice at the end like it was breaking and he was worried once it would break he wouldn't be able to talk anymore.

When he looked at her again, Kim couldn't take it anymore. She never met anyone who looked as devastated and disappointed in himself as Donnie in that very moment. Throughout her life, she saw people who were happy and sad and practically everything in the spectrum of emotions and feelings. And yet not even on her visits from Church to the hospital to see kids suffering from cancer or people on funerals sad because they lost someone did she ever saw someone as broken as she did Donnie at that moment. She didn't understand how could he think he failed her. He did get her out of the subway if she was in the hospital, he definitely saved her life if she was still in a coma and not in a coffin.

But then she realized how she felt whenever she failed to achieve something she promised herself she would. She felt shitty. No matter how many things she did right, and achieve, she could only think about that one thing she didn't. For Donnie that was her being in a coma. She could understand that. She could understand the devastation from failure even more since she could tell Donnie was a good person, a hero, and for someone like that not to be able to completely save a person…

Kim crossed the few steps that separated them not caring about the changing scene of the dream throwing them to what looked like her bedroom.

She threw her arms around his middle and pushed herself against his chest since even though she was always the tallest girl in all her classes and schools, she wasn't as tall as him.

Donnie was shocked as his arms were thrown to the sides instead of around her, but she didn't plan to let him go.

Ever since she was a child, her mom told her hugging someone was the quickest way to make them feel better. So she hugged her stuffed animals when they were pretend sick, her parents and grandparents, and her baby sister whenever she thought they were down. She couldn't do much now. She tried to talk to Donnie, but just like her, he was stubborn when it came to achievements and being the best. She knew she wouldn't accept words like it's okay, you did your best either. This was all she could do.

Hugging Donnie was different than hugging anyone she ever met. There was the fact that since they were in the dream and even though he was the only solid thing she could touch, it was still a bit different than what she remembered or thought she remembered from hugging him around the neck when he picked her up. It felt solid, but also a bit dreamlike. Then there was the fact that he was taller and larger than her. She didn't think she ever hugged anyone who was with his physique at least not ever since she wasn't a child anymore. He was all muscles and very solid like a professional body-builder, but still managed to move so lightly and effectively like a gymnast.

Then when she started to think it wasn't the best idea since he still didn't hug her back or relaxed, his hands finally moved to her back and very lightly settled there barely touching her, but at least making an effort to make this less awkward.

She buried her face more against his chest right under his neck and breathed him in realizing, he didn't spell like anything probably because it was a dream.

'No coffee beans,' she mumbled as she pressed her forehead against him. He also wasn't as warm as she remembered him, and once again she felt upset that it was a dream not sure why it bothered her so much. Maybe because even if nice, it wasn't as comforting as when he picked her up or when he kept her warm.

'Hm?'

'In the subway, when you picked me up you smelled like coffee beans,' she explained and smiled a bit, 'I remember thinking it was a nice something other than the metallic smell of blood and subway and-sorry... rambling'

His hand ever so slightly relaxed, 'It's alright. Uh, I don't think I ever smell coffee beans on myself-'

She leaned a bit away to look at him. She didn't realize they would be this close. It was strange not to see his face without the mask again.

'Uh, it's not a dream. Well, I'm not a dream,' she tried to explain again, 'You have to believe me.'

Donnie sighed, 'How could that happen?'

'How does a mutant turtle exist with three brothers and a rat?' she asked and nodded behind him where suddenly was a scene of four little turtles waiting for lunch as a rat with an apron best dad walked toward them with what looked like a cake.

'Mutagen,' he answered, and let go of her taking a step back much to her sudden annoyance from the lack of anything solid to touch 'Science.'

Kim bit her lip for a moment thinking before she looked at him again realizing something, 'Did you already examine the gas from the subway?'

He blinked and crossed his arms, 'Yes.'

'What did you find?'

'I didn't find anything about who made it, but my best guess is that it was made the cover the tracks after the explosion. The police and FBI much to my knowledge still weren't able to enter the part which was frozen as the gas doesn't spread, but also doesn't allow anyone to stay there for too long,' he explained looking frustrated again probably because he didn't manage to find more, 'No one reported anything like that stolen, and based on people who actually work or try to develop anything with a freezing effect none seemed to match to what we found.'

Kim nodded, 'So you don't know anything about it.'

'Pretty much,' he said and frowned before she raised her hand to show she didn't mean to offend him, 'Tell me, is it possible that us sharing dreams is one of the side effects?'

Donnie sighed and shook his head again, 'You're not real. I mean you're just my subco-'

'Oh my God! There has to be something you don't know about my life that will prove I'm real!' she said almost shouted throwing her hands into the air surprising both of them for a moment.

Kim looked away as they saw little an elf run into the kitchen that now had a tunnel exit on the other side, 'I found a gun once. I…,' she realized something, 'You or one of your brothers or someone like you was holding some man and his gun fell on the hood of my car. I took it to the police station on the 45th precinct-'

'I know all this,' said Donnie, and Kim groaned losing her patience, 'How?'

'Because this is my dream and my memories. I dealt with this drug dealer and saw a civilian take the gun to the station. I know all of this,' he said sounding tired as he started to shake his head, 'You're just…a part of my dream, my subconscious trying to fix how I feel or-'

'Or?'

'Or maybe,' he sighed, 'Maybe I'm missing something. Maybe you were somehow connected to why they blew up that subway when you were there, and I'm missing it.'

Kim thought about it. Donnie didn't believe her. He didn't believe she was real. But she was…she had to be. She had thoughts and now out of the dark, she could think. She was real. If he was more comfortable with thinking she was his subconscious trying to make him find something out so be it for now. Whatever would make him stay longer and her out of the light.

'I have a classmate call Molly Jones?' she tried and the other turtle chuckled, 'Yeah, and she's the creator of Vigilantes of New York-'

Kim's eyes widened, 'Seriously?' Just how many people from her life were connected with Donnie and his family? Honestly. Then again, she actually could picture Molly as a secret writer dealing with the ninja turtles stories,

but still, 'Whoa.'

Donnie shook his head, 'You even look shocked.'

Kim didn't know what to say. She couldn't believe that everything. Literally, everything she came up with was something Donnie either just knew or already went through when hacking her life.

'What do you think of it?' she asked suddenly not sure if she ever wanted to know. She needed to make him believe her, but right now she couldn't think up anything which he couldn't already know, and it made her think just how much of her life was already out there on her Facebook, Instagram, and other websites for people to see. Donnie was obviously a genius to know how to get into those things, which a tiny bit made her feel insecure and self-aware, but also…made her wonder what did he think about it.

'About what?'

'My life?'

Donnie blinked clearly surprised by the question, 'Uh. What?'

She shrugged her shoulders, 'You went over my entire life, virtual at least. How can I pass the chance of a completely objective commentary from a stranger like you about it?'

The dream changed again a bit. They were in Kim's school during a practice. The girls were stretching and talking. Jay wasn't there and neither Ava and some other new girls. It was probably freshman year.

'Well, from all the people who I hacked you're the first one whose browser history had no porn in it,' he said looking and sounding very serious.

She opened her mouth too stunned to answer. If she could blush, now would be the perfect time to, 'Uh…thanks?'

He chuckled and shook his head, 'You seem genuine and good. Given how Jay speaks about you and how you interact with people I can tell you're the real thing. You're a good person and very intelligent,' his smile fell a bit, 'And you didn't deserve this. I'm not saying anyone does, but you…you're one of the last people who did.'

She watched him in silence before she smiled as well, 'Thank you. From a hero genius, it means a lot.'

He looked over at her his smile soft just as his eyes before abruptly he frowned a bit as he looked somewhere behind her.

'Donnie, come sit with me,' spoke a woman's voice coming from Kim's hallway. She caught a glimpse of brown hair and a yellow jacket before she was gone. Kim wondered if she was the same woman she caught glimpse of the first time she and Donnie met in their dreams.

'Who's she?' she asked turning back to him momentarily catching the odd look on his face before he glanced away. It made her think about how little she thought of Matt when she was here.

The woman was someone important.

'This is a dream,' spoke Donnie again.

She sighed, 'What would convince you? Tell me.'

He shook his head.

Damn it. There had to be something. Anything which he couldn't know or guess from her social media. She wasn't an oversharer, or was she?

Something. She knew there was something he could read from her Facebook or see on her Instagram. She just had to figure out what.

Then before she could say anything more she felt the familiar cold and numbness creeping up on her, and all of a sudden she was once again floatinging in the dark all alone every thought she had before slowly drifting away from between her fingers. Maybe Donnie was never there or she? Maybe all of it really was just a drea-

Donnie abruptly sat up on his couch looking at Leo confused about why he was in his workshop and where was Kim before realization hit him.

It was just a dream.

'Oh.'

Leo blinked, 'You okay there, Donnie? You slept almost throughout the whole day.'

The other turtle blinked confused, 'What? What time it is?'

'In an hour or so we need to head out for patrol to come back before it gets too cold,' said Leo. It was true. Christmas was coming and with it the terribly cold New York nights which were no good for four ninja turtles to be running around. They made an agreement last year that they would quit patrols little before Christmas and start again in January a sort of a Christmas break.

Donnie brushed his face and tried to look around like he was still expecting Kim to pop up. Although he knew it was all just a dream. Even he had to admit it felt pretty real.

He noticed Leo's confused and worried look and looked down realizing he pressed his hand against his chest immediately remembering how Kim hugged him to calm him down. His hand dropped, and he quickly stood up trying not to give anything away. It was just a couple of weird dreams. He shouldn't worry about it too much. He had more important things to do. Even if he had to admit it was still nice to see her again.

'You should eat something before we head out,' said Leo still looking at him with that worried older brother look he sometimes had. He cared too much about them at times, and Donnie knew for sure he would ask him if he was alright again.

'Are you sure you're okay?' He asked proving him spot on.

Donnie smiled a tiny bit, 'Of course, just…a weird dream. Sorry. I'll will go grab a bite.'

He stood up and walked to the kitchen the feeling that Kim could appear any moment not leaving him once all throughout the hour they had left and then patrol itself.

He couldn't explain it which also bothered him. Logically, he knew it was because Kim and what happened to her affected him, and he still felt guilty so it made sense his subconscious dealt with it all by dreaming of the girl being awake and okay even If only in dreams. But that still didn't help him shake these hollow feelings that followed him around.

The night was going rather slow for Donnie. Just people late Christmas shopping and trying to get out of the streets away from the cold. He met up with Raph halfway through and envied when he told him about the drug bust he managed downtown. Together they jumped a few roofs until they got to one of the local clubs and Raph stopped eyeing some drunk people getting to the cabs.

Donnie casually looked down at a dark-haired girl helping her friend into one before he zoned out again.

'What would convince you? Tell me.'

Even now he still expected Kim showing up out of the blue. It was odd. He never had dreams or people in his dreams feel so weird he almost believed them to be. Maybe he should talk to Master Splinter. Meditate on it and get some closure.

'Hey, Don, you good?' asked Raph suddenly and Donnie looked over at him nodding after a moment, 'Yeah, sorry.'

He was spacing out more and more lately.

Damn it.

'No problem, but you okay? What's up with you?' he asked and Donnie knew he must have looked really weird if Raph was being all concerned and brotherly and not at all upset or angry.

Donnie shrugged his shoulder trying to pull of being okay, 'Not-nothing, it's nothing.'

Raph blinked clearly not buying it, 'You sure?'

He already got away with it when Leo asked, but based on how Raph was looking at him like that, Donnie doubted he would be that lucky twice today.

He sighed and slowly let out feeling even sillier as he did, 'I just keep on having these…dreams…they make me a bit sleepless.'

Raph nodded, 'Alright, are they bad?'

Donnie shook his head. He couldn't really explain it with words. Seeing Kim wasn't bad. In fact, it was dare he say good since he at least got to see her. They weren't nightmares, and even if he wanted to he didn't feel as guilty as he did when he woke up, 'No, just confusing. I see…uh, Kim. I see Kim in my dreams. I don't know why.'

Raph crossed his arms frowning confused, 'The girl from the subway?'

It would be now a thing, wouldn't it? Whenever they said 'subway' it would be followed with a small dreadful pause of knowing he failed someone like that.

Donnie nodded at Raph, 'Bro, you know you did all there was right? It wasn't like you could do more. You saved her.'

There it was again. Saved. Like Kim was saved now laying in a hospital bed in a coma. She said it too. She told him he saved her and was all grateful and sweet about it.

'I-I know that. Rationally, anyway, I look at it given our situation I did all I could, and yet… the dreams keep happening every day,' confessed Donnie and looked up at him wondering how will Raph react.

'Are they nightmares? That you try to save her and can't-?' started his brother, and Donnie almost nodded expecting it. How could Raph understand when he didn't understand it?

'No, usually she's just…there. Always,' he said and looked at Raph desperate for some answer which Raph really didn't have. He shouldn't torture his brother like that.

'Well, maybe, maybe you could just you know tire yourself out. How about after patrol today we train until for an hour or two that might knock you out? Also cut it out on the coffee, man. It's not good for you,' said Raph, and Donnie sighed. Training didn't help last time, but maybe if he tried harder it could.

However, 'Alright. About the training. I'm not giving up coffee.'

Raph rolled his eyes but looking almost relieved they moved from the topic. Donnie understood. Raph wasn't touchy-feely, and things he didn't understand were hard to discuss for him. Donnie was grateful he at least tried.

'Whatever.'

Donnie grinned even if he didn't feel like it.

'You look upset,' commented Kim in his newest dream. They were in the living room where Master Splinter was watching one of his shows. It appeared to be the day since Master's favorite TV show was on. He always recalled it in the background whenever he was working late into the day and went to make another cup of coffee.

Donnie blinked at her. She looked the same every single night dressed in the clothes from the subway. It was a bit odd since based on the photos he went over he saw her in a lot of different clothes as well, but maybe it was because these were the ones he actually saw.

Ever since the first time she appeared, he had given up on not trying to talk to her. It was a dream. His dream. What would be the point?

He looked at his father, 'My brother, and I had a fight.'

'Oh, something serious?' she asked concerned and with sympathy like always when he told her something upsetting about himself. He wondered if it was because of what Jay told them about her but also what he found out when he went over her life. Just from her text, he knew what kind of person she was so even in his dreams she acted like that. Kind, friendly, and good.

He frowned a bit, 'I have too much work. I need to figure out who's behind the attacks and what is happening to the missing guns in the precincts.'

Kim's face changed to a curious look. 'What?'

He sighed. Why did he bother?

But he started to explain anyway, 'After my encounter with a drug dealer and the deal losing his gun, a civilian found it,'

'Me,' said Kim, and Donnie sighed, 'Not you. Anyway, I checked the system to make sure the person admitted it. The gun was admitted, but then disappeared from the system entirely like it was never there.'

He watched as Kim's brown eyes lightened for a second with something, 'That doesn't make sense. Wasn't it labeled as missing or misplaced?'

'That's the strange thing. It wasn't. I found no record of it anywhere,' he explained and crossed his arms realizing even if inside a dream talking about it helped him a little bit.

Kim looked to the side thinking, 'Could it be someone lost it and didn't want to get in trouble by pointing it out?'

'It was a possibility so I checked. By now 610 guns were brought to the police station, but only 370 were actually in the system. The rest is missing,' he said and watched the frown on Kim's face.

'When I brought the gun, Officer Hadwig took my statement and the gun. He was nice and calm. I thought it was strange he didn't ask for more details. I only had to write the official statement, he didn't even seem interested about the name of the street. Sullivan. My car was parked there.'

Donnie grimaced, 'I was there. I know the name of the street.'

'Well, then, check the name of the person who brought the gun to the station?' she asked and crossed her arms and Donnie shook his head, 'What would be the point?'

'That I'm real!' she said a bit heated before she sighed again, 'Sorry, so someone is stealing the guns? Someone in the precinct?'

Donnie nodded, 'Unfortunately, they leave no digital trail for me to follow. I would need to be there, but I can't exactly do that.'

She grimaced and then grinned a bit, 'You could try. Maybe no one would notice.'

He shook his head but chuckled a bit, 'Anyway, that and the terrorist is mostly what I'm working on, but I got literally nothing, and Mikey keeps on asking me to do this stupid thing for him which is proving to be pointless and-I feel like a horrible brother now.'

'Why?' she blinked and took a step closer. She was oddly calming even in a dream. There was something which just whispered peace from her red hair and soft brown eyes taking away his stress.

'When the subway,' he watched her make a sharp intake and immediately regretted mentioning it, 'he was knocked out cold for a bit and had this experience where he thought he was inside someone else's body and that person got beat up by some guy.'

Kim's eyes widened with shock and panic, and now he really regretted saying that even if it was just a dream.

'That's horrible,' she said and took a step closer, 'And he…he felt it?'

Donnie nodded, 'Or he thought he did, it could have been a dream as well or just something like that, but he's so sure it's not wants me to make him to make a list of every report of violence or abuse from Afro-American woman in New York even if he doesn't even know if it happened in NY or at all.'

Kim hugged herself, and he found himself stepping closer, 'But to him it was real. It sounds so horrible. If he's really afraid now then he needs anything which will help him feel safe again and in control, and the woman as well.'

Donnie watched her for a moment. She could have started an argument that if Mikey's thing was real so was hers, or that he just was an unbeliever for not believing neither of them. Instead, she was worried about Mikey and potentially a stranger woman. She didn't even know them and she just…

He looked away. He wondered how much his subconscious did her justice again. In the real world, she was very intelligent and just so genuine. He knew that was real, but it was still strange his mind made her look so perfect to the real her.

The scenery moved and all of a sudden they were in his workshop, 'Whoa.'

Donnie grimaced, 'Ah, yes, the place of my slump.'

Kim looked around honestly interested, 'This is where you work?'

'Yes, I had a different place before but about two years ago we moved,' he explained and watched as she moved over his gadgets barely touching but not quite probably because she couldn't.

'Why are you quiet?' she asked and turned around to him making him confused, 'You have to tell me what everything does,' she then snatched his wrist and pulled him further into his workshop, 'You have to make me a tour,' she said with the brightest smile ever, and he couldn't help but smile himself.

His dream Kim wanted a tour, so he made her one. He was surprised how pretty good it felt.

He liked talking to her.

The days continued to go by, and he would like to say he made progress on anything, but the truth was Donnie never felt more useless and like a failure. It never happened to him before. There were moments and days he couldn't figure something out, but with the adding time, this was turning into an actual slump. He was working on everything from the terrorist attack to the missing guns in the precinct and yet he had nothing, no new leads, no ideas. Just nothing.

It was annoying and honestly, it made him feel very frustrated. It didn't help that in his dreams Kim was trying to constantly to prove she wasn't a dream which made him think he did know too much about the girl.

It all culminated inside him, and he knew he should have asked Master Splinter for help and calm himself down ages ago. But there was something always holding him back like whenever he talked about Kim and his dreams he just felt silly and like the more the others didn't understand the worse he felt saying it all out loud.

Maybe if he asked for help sooner or talked about it all with Leo or Master Splinter he would end up in a fight with Mikey of all people, but apparently, he was only a turtle too. He wasn't angry at Mikey personally.

He was the one who offered him to check the police reports of abuse and violence to find the woman who got his baby brother all freaked out. They were all concerned not just about the woman, but also Mikey who was clearly affected by the experience. So Donnie offered. He wasn't one-hundred percent sold on that they would find her on the first try, but he didn't think they would find her at all. With the adding days and unsuccessful reports, he realized maybe Mikey's experience was the same as his own with Kim.

Just a dream.

If the reports didn't interfere with his other work, Donnie would probably not even mention it and just continue to make new reports and print them for Mikey ever day, but with no leads or progress on the other things he was just losing it a bit.

He knew he could have told Mikey that he would stop doing it gentler. But Mikey was never good with the word no, and Donnie was under a lot of stress, and it didn't help that almost every time it looked like he would wake up Kim would start to beg him not to like she was afraid to be left in the dream world without him.

Anyway, he wasn't making excuses for his actions. Which was why after their fight with Mikey, and him dismissing his worries like they weren't real, Donnie sucked it up and made another report trying not to feel like a total douchebag or Raph. Now, that he thought about it, this was probably how Raph felt whenever he picked a fight with someone and then had to come and apologize.

'Here, reports from female Afro-American victims about abuse or attacks from the past two days. All NY precincts,' said Donnie first thing after while Mikey was eating his waffles in the kitchen looking like well Donnie when he didn't sleep for three days.

Donnie placed printed police reports in front of him with names and pictures of the victims.

Mikey tried to quickly swallow his food as Donnie raised his brows, 'We're good?'

He had a feeling his younger brother almost choke, but he finally managed to swallow his food and say, 'We're good.'

He should have probably picked up a time Mikey wasn't eating. Although, those were sometimes hard to find.

Donnie grimaced and rushed to the sink before he brought him back a glass of water. Mikey accepted that as well, 'I'm sorry about yesterday, but you need to understand-'

'You're working harder than us on this, I know, and I know you're worried about Kim, even if you don't say so,' said Mikey when he put the glass down giving him a look.

Donnie didn't comment on it, but he did look away. Shell, the last thing he wanted was for others to notice it. 'I told her she would be alright. I would keep her safe. I failed-'

'Donnie-'

'I know what you're going to say It's not your fault. You can't promise that. It's not logical. I know it all,' he cut Mikey off knowing it was what he would have told him. They all told him so, Kim included.

'But just like you said. You weren't there. Kim and I were, and I said those things and I meant them. I can't fail another person. I just can't. Kim is in a coma, and I can't do anything about it, but to make sure we stop those terrorists and save the next people from getting hurt. That I can try, and I will.'

Mikey watched him for a moment, and Donnie found it unsettling. He didn't mean to open up so much to his younger brother, and he definitely didn't expect Mikey of all people to look so serious and worried about him.

The silence stretched out, but finally, Mikey brought them both relief when he spoke, 'I know you will, bro. You're the smartest guy I know real and fictional.'

His smile was more than welcoming, and Donnie found himself slightly returning it. It was hard not to. Even as a kid, Mikey was just such a happy child always cracking up lousy jokes, just to make them left they couldn't help at least a fond smile his way, even if accompanied by an eye roll.

'But you gotta start taking better care of yourself. You got to sleep more, bro,' said Mikey and Donnie nodded with a sigh. They always told him that. He never listened, 'It's been more difficult lately.'

Mikey blinked, 'Why? Can't shut your mind off? You should try listening to that Shaolin music Master Splinter recommended. I go down like the Titanic when I turn that on.'

Donnie grimaced before he got a bit serious again, 'More like I have these heavy very visual and dreams where I toss and turn every time and so my sleep is more like living a second day.' Along with Kim and what I know about her life.

Mikey frowned at that. 'Huh, never had those honestly. I mean I had an adventure and weird dreams, but I always wake up normal, rested. Maybe try not to eat too much before sleep so you will not dream at all? Or I don't know to try going to sleep immediately after a patrol when we're all dead on our feet?'

Donnie shook his head and crossed his arms as Leo and Raph entered the kitchen, 'Damn Mike. Still not done eating?'

'I've been sparring with Raph before doing to bed. It's pretty brutal,' he shot him a look and Raph smirked at him, 'But unfortunately, I still end up dreaming. In fact, I'm pretty sure I had a dream every single night since the subway.'

Leo stopped next to him as Mikey continued to eat. No point for him to stop eating despite the serious conversation.

'What are the dreams about, Donnie?' asked Leo calmly.

The other turtle shook his head, 'Many things. Going to places. Doing things. Once I'm here, once in an alley, once in a subway.'

'It's probably just PTSD or some shit,' said Raph and stole one of Mikey's waffles, 'HEY!'

'Sharing is caring,' mumbled the other already taking a bite.

Donnie scratched the back of his head. Yeah, Raph could be right. He was right, but still. He dreamed about Kim every night since they changed her medication. Every damn night and the dreams were real, very real even if they were just dreams.

Tell me, what can I say that will make you believe me?

She asked that of him often, so very often.

'Probably, but they keep making me so tired.'

'You look better today,' offered Leo and Donnie shrugged his shoulders, 'We stayed in the lair in my dream today.' It was true.

'We?' asked Mikey while chewing which earned him a glare from Raph.

Shell!

Donnie shook his head hoping he didn't look too guilty, 'Yeah, us…all of us.'

He watched as Mikey looked behind him probably at Leo but neither of them said anything out loud.

'Well, I guess we just have to tire you up some more during sparring, bro,' said Raph and knocked his knuckles out loud making Donnie looked at him with worry. Raph could be a beast. Especially now. Donnie still didn't know what was up with him. Maybe he should look into him and what he was doing.

'Not too much. I don't want to end up like a corpse.'

'Yeah-yeah,' said Raph and put his arm over Donnie's shoulder, 'Leave that to me,' he started to lead Donnie out of the room much to his disappointment, 'You can call me, sensei Raphael.'

'Yeah, right,' he replied dryly, but let himself be taken.

Raph stayed true to his words. He almost broke Donnie completely. To be honest, he wasn't even all that interested anymore in not having dreams with Kim. Even if he should have. They were dreams and they shouldn't repeat so often.

But-

-it was nice to talk to her. Really nice. It was different but good to talk to someone who weren't his brothers or father. Likely Mikey he tried internet connections. His science community was great and stimulating, but it always felt like a dead end to try and talk to them about his life as a teenage mutant turtle. With dream Kim, he could talk about it. She wasn't real. He could tell her anything.

He looked at his computer for a moment and went back to the first gun he found missing. He looked up December the 6thand the statement of the civilian who found the gun.

His hand froze on the mouse as he saw Officer Hadwig and Kim Sawyer written in the statement.

'It's just a coincidence,' he told himself. The dream was his and his mind must have tugged the information about the officer's name and Kim's name somewhere in the back of his mind and use it now. In the subway, he didn't remember though…but that didn't mean anything.

'Don't feel special. I stalk everyone in my life,' he told her after another game of her trying to come up with something he couldn't know. Dream Kim or not he wanted to set that record straight he was a paranoid noisy control turtle, not a stalker.

'Wouldn't dream of it,' she chuckled, but then looked like she was thinking about it, 'I can't decide if that makes you a total weirdo or just your own kind of normal.'

He motioned toward his body pointing out he was a talking mutant turtle and they both chuckled at each other.

They joked about it last night as he told her about his research and projects outside of vigilantism.

'You're brilliant, Donnie,' she told him afterward.

Donnie woke up with a start that morning. Maybe someone made a noise. At least it saved him from having to see the look in Kim's eyes as he would tell her he was waking up. He learned to distinguish the feeling of close to waiting up, and by the panic in Kim's eye, he figured she did as well.

'Christmas is apparently her favorite holiday,' he heard Jay say and blinked surprised he didn't even notice when he moved to the living room where she was with Leo and Mikey watching the news.

'Hm?' he let out before he could stop himself. He hoped the others didn't blur out that he often dreamed about Kim to the blond. The idea made him feel very uncomfortable.

She looked over at him, her eyes a bit sad as they always looked when she spoke about her friend, 'Kim's parents decorated her hospital room since Christmas is her favorite holiday. She will probably spend it alone since they will eat together home and then go to a mass.'

Donnie frowned at the idea. It didn't sit right to know that Kim would be all alone on her favorite holiday.

'That sucks,' commented Mikey from the chair and he wanted to agree but he didn't instead he turned to the screen the plot of the movie lost to him completely.

What would make you believe I'm real? Tell me.

His eyes shift a bit to the blond again. She had been coming here often, not that anyone, including it, seems Raph, minded all that much. She was okay. Not overly nice like Kim, but she was honest about that. She didn't try to pretend to win any favors. But she was nicer than she appeared to be too. She was just real. She had her opinions, and ideas, and didn't take anyone's bullshit but she wasn't being obnoxious or a bitch about it. He liked her just fine and even enjoyed the way she could keep their oldest brother on his toes and not take crap from Mikey.

It was amusing at times and refreshing to have another female around one that was their age and in a way understood some of the things they were going through. At times it was hard to remember, but they were still teenagers. They still had their immature moments, mostly Mikey, but he was sure he caught himself and others once or twice acting like children still.

For a second he wondered if he could ask Kim about Jay before he dismissed the idea. He ran a background check on the blonde as well so of course, he would know things about her and again dream Kim wasn't real. She was a dream after all.

'Did you visit her?' he asked hoping not to seem too eager to know, and Jay nodded, 'Yeah, she's stable, nothing changed. Her parents and people from their Church come and talk to her. Still, most of the time she's alone. Her mom told me, when she was a kid she hated to be alone. It really makes me hate those guys who did this to her,' she mumbled the last part.

Donnie watched as Leo's hand came to rest on her knee and they shared a look. He wondered if what did his brother tell her through their link before she nodded and rested her head against his shoulder.

He glanced away purposely. Luckily Jay and Leo weren't disgusting and kept physical contact to a minimum around them all which Donnie was grateful for. Anyway, back to the whole mind-reading thing. He didn't even have time to scratch that given how much work he had with the other things.

He frowned as he realized he had so much work he was sitting here by a movie he didn't even know or like.

'I got something I need to finish,' he said and stood up ignoring Leo's overly caring look on his way to his workshop. He really needed to work and at least solve something.

Kim let out a relieved sigh when the darkness around her got suck out and she ended up in the world of light again.

Donnie and his brothers were sitting down with their feet crossed clearly meditating. They were younger and really cute as buttons like this.

Young Donnie looked up from his meditation as if he heard her, 'Are you real?'

Her smile fell a bit. She wanted for Donnie to believe her she was as much as she wanted to get out although, by the looks of it, it wouldn't happen soon.

'Yes,' she told him and then turned around as current Donnie walked toward her.

'How long have you and your brothers been training?' she asked looking back as young Donnie and his brothers stood up and bowed.

'Our whole lives,' he said and smiled a bit as he and one of his brother prepared for what looked like sparing.

'Your father is also our Master. He thought us,' he explained and looked at her.

Kim nodded, 'Makes sense. Also, you guys are awesome.'

Donnie chuckled beside her. It was nice like this. To just stand next to him and talk and not worry about the fact that she was in a coma, and what her family and friends were going through, or Matt.

'I think I felt Nicole and Jay recently,' she said before she could stop herself. It was true. She wasn't good in counting time in the dark or knowing if something happened now or before, but she was pretty sure between the last time she and Donnie shared a dream and now, somewhere in the dark she had this feeling of knowing that once again Jay and of all people Nicole Diaz were near her. Apart from Jay she mostly could only feel Abby. Although lately, not even her.

Donnie blinked at her looking surprised, 'What?'

Kim grimaced. She rarely talked about the dark. Mostly she tried to brave and not push him so she wouldn't make it hard on him, but she knew she wasn't doing a good job in fooling him. She just couldn't help herself. She was afraid of the dark. It was so cold and numb and alone. She was never a fan of being alone. When she was a kid she just hated it all together and refused to stay on her own at home even when she was already eleven years old.

'When I'm in the dark…sometimes I feel Jay or Abby's presence…uh…today or tonight I can't tell what is it for you since you most work during the night…I felt Nicole Diaz as well. It was weird,' she chuckled, the sound a bit higher than it should have been and hysterical.

'What do you mean?' he asked looking even more confused so she tried to explain without scaring him or herself knowing what would happen once he woke up again.

'When you're not asleep…not dreaming, and I'm not here, I'm... in the dark,' her voice broke a bit in the last part.

Donnie turned more toward her ignoring how the dream change again, 'The dark?' He made it sound just as ominous as she felt about it.

Kim shrugged her shoulders trying to look less shaken than she actually was about the thing and definitely failing with how Donnie took a step closer, 'There's no light, no heaven or hell just dark... the void.'

'Is it dangerous?' asked slowly, and Kim shook her head, 'Just lonely...empty. It's dark and I find it hard to think about anything when I'm there. I just like,' she raised her hands not sure what she wanted to point or demonstrate, 'float in it. I float in the dark and wait for you to have a dream I guess.'

Donnie didn't look happy about it. Not at all, and Kim was worried he would again start with how this was a dream. Maybe it was a mistake to tell him.

'Jay said something the other day. She said you hate being alone as a kid,' he said, and Kim blinked in surprise, 'Well, yeah, I use to have this tantrums or panic attacks whenever my parents would try to leave me alone in the house. I would rather go with them or out for a walk to people. I never liked the idea of being alone in a room even with windows and doors. I just hated it.'

Donnie nodded, 'It's probably because you come from a big family with people always around. I can't imagine being alone without my brothers either.'

Kim allowed herself to smile and look to the side and young Donnie and his brother, who she now recognized as Mikey were going through the tunnels somewhere.

'Siblings can be annoying at times, but they're also the best,' she said and Donnie looked away from the scene too before he smiled a bit. It didn't quite reach his eyes.

The dream changed again and Kim gasped eyeing the enormous Christmas tree in the middle of their living room areal, 'Oh my God! I LOVE IT!'

She rushed over to it and admired it in the fullest. I was large. Gigantic even and completely decorated in a variety of different colors and Christmas decorations.

'Yeah, it's like Santa threw up on it,' commented Donnie as he came back and Kim went to shove him a bit, 'Shut up. It's amazing. Oh, it's so pretty.'

He chuckled at her squeaky and excited voice and she turned around to smiled at him before she noticed something above him.

'How come your entire ceiling is covered with mistletoe?' she asked and Donnie looked up with a groan, 'My youngest brother-'

'Mikey,' she said pleased with herself she knew all their names now. She could always find joy in small things. Now more than ever.

Donnie nodded, 'He decided it would be a great idea to try and make Leo and Jay uncomfortable with mistletoe traps over the lair unfortunately he failed to consider how much of a good ninja Leo was and he managed to get all of them down.'

Kim's smile fell a bit, 'It's Christmas?'

He blinked and when he looked down at her, she could tell he wasn't planning for her to know. She always pressed on and asked why did he care so much if he assumed she was just a dream, but for today decided to leave it.

'I'm sorry,' he said, and she shook her head, 'At least I'm here with you, and see this,' she nodded at the tree, 'totally worth it. Next year I want to see it in person.' She said not daring to look at him in fear of pity knowing that maybe she would never get to see anything in person ever again. She wouldn't think about it today. She just wouldn't. It was Christmas. Ever since she was a child, she adored almost worshiped Christmas so she was not getting sad and depressed just because she was in a coma and stuck in the dreams of a turtle hero genius. No sir. Kim Sawyer was not a quitter, but a believer and she believed that God had a plan and that he would keep her safe just like Donnie did. And if she was meant to stay here a bit longer she would because that was who she was a believer.

'Deal,' he humored her and for that, she was eternally grateful.

She looked over at him for a moment and then rose on her toes before catching him off guard with a quick kiss on the cheek. It was a surprise for her as well, but she didn't regret it. She liked Donnie, and she considered him a friend. She knew more about him than a lot of her actual friends apparently, and he knew everything there was about her.

She wondered if it would feel different, kissing his cheek like that. She distantly remembered the his cold yet pleasant skin against her own when he carried her and brushed her bleeding leg but she had other things to worry about then.

She shook the silly thoughts away and smiled at him, 'Merry Christmas, Donnie.'

He blinked at her surprised by the gesture obviously, but didn't look angry or upset which must have been a good sign.

Instead, he nodded and offered her a small smile as well, 'Merry Christmas, Kim.'

A.N: Thank you for everyone who is reading. I don't know why but this took forever to finish, and I really hope the next chapter will be done faster to move on from Christmas and winter already :D I hope everyone is okay. Have a nice day.