Chapter 18 – Anakin Skywalker

A cool breeze fluttered over his skin and Anakin shivered involuntarily. You weren't supposed to be able to shiver when you were dead, he thought dully as his consciousness slowly drifted back. It also occurred to him that he should be not be able to feel twigs digging into his back.

"Where am I?" he asked slowly as his eyes adjusted to the scene around him. There was a small fire next to him and he was lying on some sort of makeshift bed. And by the smell of himself he had been lying there for quite some time.

"You're still on Dagobah," came a voice from his other side and Anakin startled when he turned and saw Obi-Wan standing beside him. Was he dead too? But no, they wouldn't stay here if they were dead. Which meant….

"Obi-Wan," he finally acknowledged, the words hard to get past his dry lips. He looked around for the others but no one else was there.

"Where are they?" he gasped, feeling himself panic as he could not sense their presences anywhere.

"They are safe Anakin, don't worry," Obi-Wan soothed him. "I can't sense them," he mumbled and Obi-Wan rolled his eyes back at him. Right. The force. He had let it go. He hadn't known how empty that would make him feel. The emptiness was terrifying, and yet, freeing at the same time.

"Padme, and Luke are still here," Obi-Wan continued calmly as if he was talking to a caged animal about to bolt. "They wanted to be here when you woke up. Bail, Leia, Rex and Ahsoka already left for Coruscant. Things are a bit of a mess there and they needed to go to help restore order."

Anakin could only imagine the chaos.

"Had he been overthrown then? Palpatine's no longer Emperor?" he asked terrified that Obi-Wan would tell him that the man was still in power, that everything had gone terribly wrong yet again.

"Well, Darth Sidious is certainly gone. And I would wager the Empire is no more as well. But Palpatine is still alive and being held by the senate awaiting trial. The capital is in chaos though, and Palpatine is a very manipulative man. That's why Bail needed to leave right away. Though I doubt even Palpatine could talk his way out of attempted mass murder."

Anakin nodded. The senate would be in good hands with Bail there. He smiled to himself that Padme had stayed. But then he frowned. She should be in Coruscant too. She should be helping, following her calling. Not floundering around this place worried about her… well her him. But perhaps she was staying for Luke's sake.

He was debating what to ask Obi-Wan next when he realized there was someone he hadn't mentioned.

"Where is Yoda?" he asked, feeling odd knowing that he owed Yoda greatly – without the grand master's sacrifice he knew that they would not have been successful. Obi-Wan's face fell at the mention of Yoda and Anakin felt his heart constrict. No one was supposed to die. No one who wasn't him anyway.

"Yoda become one with the force Anakin," Obi-Wan confirmed slowly.

Anakin sat up quickly, then had to quickly brace himself at the rush of light-headedness that came over him. He stared at Obi-Wan. "I didn't know it would harm him," he protested, though he knew Obi-Wan had not been accusing him. "It shouldn't have killed him."

It was a horrible thought that the one action he felt might earn him redemption killed someone he cared about. That he harmed those around him even when he was trying to do good.

Obi-Wan was staring at him as if searching his mind for answers before finally nodding to himself. "It was only supposed to kill you wasn't it?"

Anakin looked away. He didn't want to have this conversation with Obi-Wan. Damn the man for being able to read his mind even when he didn't have the force.

"You knew you would die didn't you?" he pressed.

Anakin looked up at that. Had he actually died? He supposed he would not find out what happened unless he opened up to Obi-Wan. "I suspected I might not survive," he admitted.

Obi-Wan nodded sadly, a disappointed look on his face which Anakin was well acquainted with from his padawan days.

"You become pure light, pure energy at the end Anakin. There was nothing of you left," Obi-Wan paused and Anakin was surprised to see that there were tears on Obi-Wan's cheeks. He had thought, well he hadn't really thought too much about how they would feel. Only that they would be free, better off without him and his disastrous legacy.

"But Yoda. It was amazing Anakin, he didn't even need the help of the midi-chlorians, he was able to manipulate the cosmic force. He put you together again somehow. And as odd as this sounds I think Qui-Gon Jinn helped him."

Anakin smiled sadly, and was not at all as shocked as Obi-Wan expected him to be. Obi-Wan paused a second waiting for his astonishment but when it didn't come he sighed and continued. "It took too much out of him though, he didn't live long after that."

Anakin didn't realize he was crying too until he tasted the salt on his lips. "I wanted it to be me," he mumbled to Obi-Wan. "I wanted… I didn't want to taint everyone's lives with my mistakes. I wanted redemption for myself and freedom for the rest of you to move on."

Obi-Wan glared at him then. He didn't think it was such a horrible thing…..

"Anakin, you don't earn redemption with one heroic act at the end of your life. You earn it by what you do from here. By acknowledging your faults. By owning your mistakes. And spending the rest of your live making up for them."

Anakin lay back down on the twig bed and closed his eyes. "But it hurts so much Obi-Wan," he whispered, "I only let myself be happy these past few weeks because I thought..."

Obi-Wan cut him off angrily, "You thought it was coming to an end and wanted to leave us with some happy memories. Or you thought you earned a few fleeting moments of happiness before sacrificing yourself. Or perhaps you were just being your selfish self-centered self again."

Anakin felt his anger flare up at the accusation. The anger…. Then he smiled.

"What are you smiling about?" accused Obi-wan, but his grin only grew.

"Obi-Wan, I'm angry…. And it's just a feeling that I have. It's not… It's nothing more."

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes at him. But he couldn't appreciate how good this felt. To feel this way without the fear that it would pull him in and never let him go.

"I'm finally free Obi-Wan," Anakin explained, knowing that his master didn't understand - he just smiled at Anakin indulgently.

End Chapter 18

... A/N: and now just the epilogue is left...