Chapter Eighteen

Maybe getting away from it all hadn't been such a bad idea after all.

Her heart had stopped racing just a few hours after arriving. Sure, her new roommate wasn't exactly nice at first, but being so many miles away from your problems did seem to have its benefits. Her mind was occupied with what she had in front of her and her dreams had been significantly less prominent since she'd arrived. Her mind had been so occupied with tutoring and getting to know the girl she now regularly shared a bed with that her mind was often far too tired to dream.

When she did dream of Trevor though, they were the occasional worry-filled twitches and jolts in her sleep. One time she'd shot up so suddenly from a deep sleep that Amy had gasped in surprise and started one of her coughing fits.

She'd felt terrible about it and done her best to convince her that she'd just had a strange dream but Violet wasn't so sure that she'd been very convincing in that particular moment. Most of the students here thought she was some sort of knight or princess and the way they talked about her, anyone would think that Violet was still her old self. Still a soldier through and through.

Violet knew better than to let herself think that she was getting better though. She knew that this was all just a distraction. Only Violet could think of a job such as this one as a vacation. She wasn't allowed to leave the campus and the only person she could ever talk to was Amy. She liked the girl, very much in fact, but most people would call this place a prison, Amy included.

To Violet though, this place was exactly what she needed. A way to look back at her problems from the outside. A place to ease her mind and her heart and if she needed a distraction, there was always one laying around. A new book, something to teach her roommate, or just talk to her casually.

Violet had thought that she and Iris had become very close friends over the last few years, but it felt like a joke compared to how close she'd grown to Amy. She never knew two people could be as close as the two of them had very quickly become once Amy had let her guard drop.

That was probably the only thing eating at her now. The fact that Amy had opened up so easily to her after just a week of Violet being at the school. She'd told her everything. Every single thing about herself that could possibly matter. Violet wasn't sure if she felt sorry for Any or not. She didn't know if her situation was a bad one or a good one. On the surface, it seemed incredible. That she could be so lucky as to be plucked from her life as a homeless girl to being married off into a royal family. Everything she could ever have wanted would be hers if she could just graduate with flying colors from this academy. Everything except a life with her 'sister.'

Taylor, she'd called her. The stories of the little orange-haired girl had warmed Violet's heart and she knew Any missed her. She was actually proud to find out that Amy had chosen to accept the offer willingly. She'd done it to give the little girl she'd adopted a better life, not for herself.

It had to be hard to leave her. Violet didn't quite understand why they weren't allowed to see each other but Amy seemed adamant that they may never meet again because of her decision.

She hadn't seemed to hide anything. Violet though, had kept almost everything about herself a secret.

Well, only the important things anyway.

She'd told Amy that she was a child soldier, that she worked as an Auto Memories Doll and that she had someone she cared about that she could no longer see.

That was it.

She hadn't mentioned her stress attacks, hadn't mentioned her friends or her adoptive family. She hadn't even mentioned Trevor. Amy had asked her if there was someone she'd miss during her three months at the school and Violet had immediately thought to mention Major Gilbert, rather than the man she was actually romantically entangled with. She didn't want an excuse for Amy to pry into her problems. This girl had plenty of her own issues to deal with and she didn't need Violet's added onto them.

That hadn't stopped her from asking questions of course but Violet had done her very best to keep the answers as vague or harmless as possible. She wasn't sure if she could keep up the distractions much longer though and that afternoon when the girls returned to Amy' dorm, her fears were realized.

Trevor hadn't written her in the time that she'd been away until now. There was a letter waiting for them on the floor, as if it were slipped under Amy's door, and Violet could tell who the hand-writing on the envelope belonged to straight away.

Amy couldn't help herself from asking questions enough as it was and now she had been given a pretty good reason to ask them again.

"Who's that from?" She asked and peeked over Violet's shoulder.

The purple-haired girl moved around Violet and dropped her book bag on her table by the window before moving to her nightstand. She pulled a fresh set of clothes from within and began to strip off her uniform. It had been a long day in class and the less time she had to spend dressed up the better.

Violet was too enamored with her letter to notice Any changing right beside her anyway.

"It's…" Violet started and began to feel her face flush. She hadn't blushed in weeks. This little world she was in was the perfect distraction from her feelings but apparently, they were still there after all.

She flipped the letter over and slipped her thumb between the folds and broke the seal.

"Frooommmm work?" Amy hissed when Violet failed to answer but when she finally looked back at Violet's face she found her blushing. That was odd for Violet. Amy hadn't ever seen Violet's face so red or expressive. "Or not," she cocked her head to one side and walked back around Violet to peer at the page.

"It's from my…" Violet started again but she trailed off as her eyes began to flick over the words.

"Trevor?" Amy asked bodily as she read the name at the bottom. "Truly yours huh?" Amy let a sky smirk run over her lips. "Secret admirer? Secret," she asked as she pressed her fingers into Violet's back and Violet jumped, "boyfriend?" She grinned.

All Violet could do was nod her head and she heard Any take a step back from her.

"Wait really? I was just kidding around. You didn't tell me you had a boyfriend," Amy gasped a little. It wasn't that shocking to her, not really anyway. If you were one of the girls at this school your first and only impression of Violet Evergarden was that she was perfect. A princess knight who would perform any duty happily and without a fuss.

Amy knew a little better than all that but still, the idea that a woman of Violet's pedigree would be single was a pretty wild thought.

"I'm sorry I...I didn't mean to hide it from you I just…." She tried to explain but couldn't rip her eyes away from the page. Trying to concentrate on talking and reading at the same time was not easy. Violet crossed the room and sat down by the window and set the letter down in front of her on the table. She could explain herself first. "This job has been a welcome distraction from life back home."

"Well...wait are you two like...not doing well together? Is he mean to you or something?" Amy asked and watched Violet shake her head as she came to sit next to the blonde.

"No we just...both have a lot going on," Violet tried to keep her words vague. She didn't need Amy worrying about her. She needed to focus on her own goals, not get tangled up in Violet's problems.

"Oh. Is that who you were talking about when you said there was someone you couldn't see right now?"

"Violet wanted to lie, but against her better judgment and against her own will, she shook her head slowly. Her eyes were glued to the floor and she felt a wave of, what she thought was probably embarrassment wash through her.

"Wait...then who was that?" Amy gasped and slapped her hands over her mouth. "Are you in love with two different people?" She asked in a quick hush.

There it was. The question that ate away at her at night. Every time she shut her eyes those words echoed in her own mind endlessly. On and on they bagged at her heart and the more she let it eat away at her the less sure she was of the answer.

She loved Major Gilbert. She loved every single thing about him even though she knew he was gone. She didn't think she'd ever stop. One day it had finally hit her like a runaway train and the feelings had imprinted on her heart forever.

But did she love Trevor?

She was attracted to Trevor. She knew that much for certain by now. There was quite a lot to like about him and Violet had come to realize that she was very lucky to have met him. He was what she needed. Everything about him was perfect for her except the one glaring problem.

But was the problem so intense that she couldn't love him? She shook her head at the foolish question. Of course, it wasn't. Every time she thought about him her heart ached and her skin longed for his touch. Even her lips hurt.

"I believe I am...yes," she admitted and Amy gasped at her silently. "That is...wrong of me...right?"

"Well, I don't know about that. Are you cheating on one of them? Are you in an affair?"

Violet shook her head. "I am dating Trevor and I do not see...the other man. We cannot see each other," she said and her fingers reflexively touched to her broach.

"The one who...gave you that you mean?" Any inferred, having seen Violet make that same statement and action before.

"Yes."

"Why can't you see him, Violet? Is he royalty?"

"He...his family is quite important and high up the food chain but...that is not why I cannot be with him anymore."

Any frowned and then her eyes opened a little wider as two words passed softly through her lips. "Princess Knight…" Violet just looked at her then and found Amy looking her up and down slowly. "Am I really that blind?" Amy asked as she leaned in toward Violet. "You're her...aren't you?"

"Her?"

"The soldier maiden of Liedenshaftlik...that's who you are isn't it?" She asked and watched Violet drop her attention to the table in front of them. "They say she became an auto memories doll and will go anywhere and do whatever it takes to deliver people's feelings to where they need to go…no matter what…" Amy gawked and Violet drew in a deep breath.

"They used to call me that in the war...yes."

"I've heard that she…you lost someone…" Violet's head snapped up at the news that something like that had traveled so far as nothing more than a rumor. "That's who you can't see right?" Violet just nodded silently. It wasn't until she felt Amy's hands touch to her shoulders that Violet realized she was holding her breath. She looked back at Amy finally and found her smiling. "I'm not really sure, to be honest. I've...never loved anyone other than my sister before so...I'm sorry I can't be more help."

Violet cocked her head to one head slightly, "really?" There it was. Her opportunity to change the focus of this subject. "You have never loved anyone in a romantic way?"

"Not really," Amy's cheeks flushed. "No one that I can remember. Our little town wasn't very full and most of the people around weren't very nice. I don't remember much from before I was homeless either so," she shrugged. "All I can ever remember having was Taylor and even that went by way too fast," she mumbled.

"You'll see her again though, right?"

"Probably not…not for a long time anyway. "I gave up my freedom by making that deal. I'll be married into the Drossel family and then I'll probably not have the ability to go and do as I please. I'll be a married woman. Royalty even."

Violet had never considered that possibility before and now the thoughts continued to bubble out of her throat. "Do married women not get to leave the house?"

"What? No Violet," Amy almost laughed and shook her head. "Well...maybe. I think it depends from couple to couple. There are a lot of stay at home wives that don't work and simply raise their families but there are also women who want it the other way. Like I imagine you would."

"I am not...very good at relaxing."

"Yeah, I can tell," Amy rolled her eyes, and Violet's lips cracked into a soft smile. "You can be whatever you want to be Violet...you're a lot stronger of a person than anyone I've ever met. Not that I've met a lot of people but...you know what I mean," she nodded her chin down toward Violet's arms and Violet felt her smile grow.

"Well I...thank you," she said softly before returning her attention to her letter. She scanned it quickly and Amy set around the room collecting up what they would need to continue studying.

'Dear Violet,

How has your time at the school been treating you? I'm not even really sure that they will let you reply to this but the idea of writing to you makes it feel like you aren't so far away. The last month hasn't been so bad. It's hard for me to talk about my problems as you've probably noticed by now but honestly, at this moment in time I have nothing new to keep to myself. Since you've been away things at work have gone a little more smoothly than they have been up until now. I don't know if that's got to do with my father believing you have left permanently or if he's simply in a better mood for another reason, but either way, I miss you. Every day I miss you being around. You will be a welcome sight for sore eyes when you return.

I hope your commission is going well and you're having a good time. I'll see you when you get home,

Yours always, Trevor'

Violet wasn't sure how the text had made her feel. She was relieved, obviously, that Trevor had come to no further harm so far into her trip. But the thought that his father could be torturing him simply because of his relationship with her wormed its way through her mind. She hadn't really considered the possibility before now and she was quickly becoming consumed with the thought that all his pain could be her fault. Part of her knew it wasn't true of course. Trevor had told her that his father had been hurting him far longer than Violet had known him.

It wasn't because of her at first but...maybe it had become so over the past several months of the pair dating. Maybe the thought of his son finally resigning himself to focus on work and nothing else was enough for Trevor to get a little reprieve but...it would start again. Violet knew it would. As soon as she walked back into town and his father realized she had just been on an abnormally long job he'd be right back to it.

She just hoped that by the time she got home she'd have some better ideas about how to fix it all.

At least she'd given him an out. A way to get away from his abusive family and into a new job. A way for him to escape and still keep making money. And if they worked together then she could see him even more ofte-. Violet shook her head. That wasn't the point of all of this. She hasn't done this for her own personal gain...had she?

The thought hadn't occurred to her at all so far. The idea that she may have subconsciously asked Trevor to change work just so she could be closer to him each day was a bit of a worrying one. Of course, she wanted to be closer to him all the time but… she shouldn't be trying to change his life just to suit her fancy. It should be solely for his own health, not hers.

What if it was to help both of them? Maybe with Trevor around and the ability to keep an eye on him, her own stress levels would decrease. If she didn't have to worry about him getting abused for his work performance or for simply existing, she could calm her nerves. Not to mention that whenever she was with him her stress levels were practically zero. All the subtle ways that he showed her affection calmed her right down every time.

Not that they could be intimate during work hours of course but still just having him around for their lunch breaks would brighten the room. He could become closer friends with her co-workers and build up a more solid community of people who cared about him.

He could be safe and happy.

And in the end, whether they end up together or not, that was all that really mattered.