Grandma was let out of jail the next day, and she was fighting mad. She blamed the assault on getting pushed from behind and said that she didn't mean to hit me and, since my mother had said that she wouldn't come to pick her up from jail, my grandmother called her son and Uncle Gerald picked her up instead. My grandmother was in a snit though, and was in an even greater one when my mother grounded her and cut her off dessert, despite having made a pineapple upside-down cake for dinner the night before. The prospect of no pineapple upside-down cake had my grandmother red-faced and sputtering in anger. Personally, I understood that viewpoint. My mother's pineapple upside-down cake was awesome.

She was in an even bigger snit though, when Ranger and I decided to get my mom to babysit on the Sunday and head to a sermon ourselves. She had wanted to go too, and to partake of the drama that was about to unfold. She knew that Joe had decided to stud the congregation with TPD officers, and she wanted to be the person who captured the minister.

Ranger stationed a Rangeman team on the back door and one on the front door. Raphael and Ramon were at the back door and were dressed as homeless people, and they reported when Jeffrey Strangelove entered the store from the back. Raphael, who was one of the undercover homeless people, said that Jeffrey kicked him in the ribs as he sat on the ground near the door and called him vermin. He said that he would have a bruise from it, and I could hear Ranger murmur that it wasn't a very Christian thing to do. He told Raphael to go to the hospital after it was over to detail the results of the assault so that they could charge him with that as well.

We were all wearing earbuds, both the Rangeman team as well as the TPD team, and in addition to Raphael and Ramon we had people standing in line and people inside the store. Hal had already approached the bouncer at the door, the same pimply-faced kid from the week before, and told him that Jeffrey had replaced him that morning with Hal, and that Hal was taking over the kid's duties. "Christian is anticipating trouble after last week,'' said Hal, "and he thought someone as big as me would be a more effective bodyguard." The kid started to argue, and Hal glared at him and put his hands on his hips. This made Hal look even bigger than he was. Since Lula and I had nicknamed him 'Halosaurus' because of his size, seeing Hal look bigger was intimidating to say the least. The kid swallowed hard and quickly left his post.

When Hal had taken over guard duties, he let in the TPD and Rangeman staff. By the time the congregation was filled, approximately half the attendees were there to arrest Jeffrey. I sort of wished that we had done that in the first place. If we had, I might not have ended up with a cracked rib and a sprained ankle. As it was, I was just pleased that there was a lack of weapons in the room. After all, only half of the congregation this time had mobility aids.

I looked at the placement of Rangeman and TPD staff. There was an ERT member on each side of the box that Jeffrey would be standing on, three people in front of where he would be standing, and TPD officers stationed at the door. I knew from listening to Raphael that they were standing at the back door. There was no way that Jeffrey would get away this time.

Jeffrey walked in, and all the seniors clapped. Jeffrey took the podium and looked out in the crowd – and I could tell when he saw and recognized me. I was pretty hard to miss. My face was still green and yellow with fading bruises, and I was still on crutches. In fact, Ranger hadn't wanted me to come at all. However, I had begged him. After being attacked, I wanted to see Jeffrey arrested and charged, and Ranger said that he could understand that. Apparently I'd been having nightmares about being pummeled, and Ranger thought having me see Jeffrey captured would go a long way to repairing my mental health. Besides, as I told him, this time I had my own weapons with the crutches and I would be able to fight back. Ranger had just laughed and shook his head.

So Jeffrey noticed me in the crowd and, when he did, I could see him assess the audience to try to ascertain the level of support that he would get by inciting the crowd to cast me from the congregation again. And that was when I could see that he realized that there were a number of younger and middle-aged people in the crowd, and that was different from normal. His congregation had a typical average age of eighty, and it was normally rare to see someone in the crowd who had a hair color other than white or gray. Now, there were many brunettes and blondes and redheads in the crowd, and a dearth of cotton tops to be seen.

Jeffrey turned around and saw that his exit was blocked out the back way. He jumped down from the podium and elbowed his way to the front door and, as he tried to speed by, I brought one of my crutches up and tripped him. He sprawled to the ground and Ranger pounced. He flipped Jeffrey over and cuffed him behind his back, and hauled him to his feet. "You're caught, scumbag", he said. He looked quite pleased with himself, and I think the only thing that would have made the situation better for him would have been if he'd been able to give a few punches to the kidneys without the cameras looking on.

The television crew zoomed in on Jeffrey's face as Jeffrey started screaming, "Stop him! I've been framed! I didn't do anything!"

"That's the problem,'' said Morelli. "You say that you are using the money that you've been given to bring the Christian word to those in other countries and to bring assistance to those in this country. However, that money has all been going into your own pocket. You have done nothing with that money other than spend it on your own pleasure and care. You are being arrested for fraud, and anyone who has paid money into his ministry should contact the TPD."

"Lies!"

Morelli smiled. "I don't make it a habit to arrest people without considerable proof, Jeffrey."

"My name is Christian Love."

"No such person exists. You are Jeffrey Strangelove, and the whole Love Connection ministry is a big con. It is your most profitable con to date, isn't it? This pays far better than conning charities out of donations."

Jeffrey looked around himself wildly and, as the TPD and Rangeman staff moved to surround him, I could see when he realized that he was truly caught. He turned to me and spat on me.

"I'd like him charged with assault,'' I said to Morelli.

"I witnessed it,'' he said.

"I caught it on video,'' said the cameraman.

"I'd like a copy of that video,'' Morelli said. The cameraman looked thrilled to be asked, and nodded his head enthusiastically. I guess I could understand that. There weren't too many televangelists who were as dirty as Jeffrey was. I hoped. It would be a good promotional piece to show Jeffrey's takedown.

Morelli pushed Jeffrey ahead of him through the storefront door, and Jeffrey looked around himself, frantically trying to find the pimply-faced kid who was guarding the door earlier. His shoulders went down as he recognized Hal. "I'll give your grandfather's money back,'' he said.

"No, you'll give everybody's money back,'' said Hal. "Or, at least, that is what I assume that the judge will decree."

"The judge won't be able to keep me in jail,'' he said. "They never have before."

Morelli shook his head. "You'll find we do things a little differently here in Trenton," he said. "I wouldn't count on getting released."

Ranger turned to Hal. "Please go with Jeffrey and follow him through the system,'' he said. "If it looks like Jeffrey is going to be released, pick him up for one of the other bonding agencies that he has skipped bail on. There are a few, and we have contacted all of them to report that we have found him. Each of those bonding agencies has paid us a finder's fee." Ranger pulled a sheaf of papers out of his pocket. "Here are your Right-to-Apprehend papers", he said.

"Gladly", said Hal. He cracked his knuckles, and Jeffrey visibly swallowed. Hal smirked, and Ranger and Morelli and I smiled.

"As I said,'' said Morelli, "we do things differently here in Trenton."

Ranger collected the earpieces as we saw Morelli put Jeffrey in the back of his car, and Hal got in the driver's side next to Joe. As they pulled away, Harriet Gerber turned to me. "Is it true, Stephanie? Was he a con artist?"

"Yes he was, and by my estimation he conned about thirty people out of some significant savings in the Trenton area alone in the last six weeks. He has conned many more people in the past ten years, to the tune of approximately five million dollars. He is a very good con artist. Detective Morelli was serious in asking people who gave him money to call the TPD and report the fraud."

Harriet looked down with tears in her eyes. "I feel stupid", she said.

"No, Harriet. This isn't a reflection on you. This is a reflection on how good a con artist Jeffrey is. Don't ever be ashamed to say that you were a victim. Only be ashamed if you fail to do something about it."

I gave her a hug, and she smiled. "Your grandmother is right. You are a good girl."

"That's not what she said to me the other day."

Harriet smiled. "No? Must have been a slow day in the gossip rags. She must not have been feeling too creative. I guess if she didn't have a story to produce, she decided to make you feel bad instead."

I grinned. "Lucky me."

Harriet laughed and patted my arm. "I'm going home to call the TPD to report my donation. Do you think they'll be able to give the money back to me?"

I smiled. "I know that Detective Morelli will certainly try."

She patted my arm again and walked off towards her car, and Ranger and I walked down the street to ours. We got in and watched Harriet bounce a couple of curbs as she turned around, and we followed her down the street back to the Burg. "Holy shit,'' said Ranger as we watched Harriet sideswipe a postal box and narrowly miss a tree. "How does she keep getting her license renewed?"

"I don't know. My grandmother says that when they drive together they often do tandem driving. Harriet works the pedals and my grandmother works the steering wheel, and somehow, together, they are better drivers than they are apart or, at least, they haven't hit anything yet."

Ranger shook his head in amazement. "Someone should report her driving. She's going to kill someone someday."

"I know. I have talked to Morelli about it, and he has the patrol guys watching for her. They just haven't found her yet."

We arrived at my parents' house a few minutes later, and walked in to see Grandma taking her shirt off. "Whoa", said Ranger. "Cover up, Grandma. No one wants to see that." He picked the throw blanket off the back of the sofa and threw it to me, and I wrapped my grandmother in it.

"That reminds me of a joke,'' I said. "What did one saggy boob say to the other?"

"What?" said Ranger. A smile was playing around his lips.

"We'd better get some support around here, or people will think we're nuts."

Ranger laughed.

"Did you see the human sacrifice?" said my grandmother with sharpened interest.

"The human sacrifice?" I said.

"Yes. I figure that was the real reason why Joe wanted to arrest Reverend Love. There had to be some reason that the church smelled so much like death."

"That was because it used to be an abattoir,'' I said. "I don't like Jeffrey Strangelove at all, but at least he wasn't making human sacrifices."

"That you know of,'' said my grandmother.

"Did you ever see him make human sacrifices?"

Grandma began to smile and her eyes began to twinkle. "Make them! I almost was one."

"It's too bad he wasn't successful,'' said my father.

~ The End ~