Disclaimer : I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan nor its characters.

Note: Please read Author's note at the end; involves hiatus of this fic.

"…Armin…" She started slowly as the blonde finished up with the bandaging. Do you have feelings for me? A phrase, a question that couldn't bring itself to leave her lips. That Mikasa couldn't bring herself to verbalise.

He looked up, eyes softening. "Yeah…?"

When did you first start having feelings for me? "How far would you go for someone you love?"

Armin flinched, and there was something hazy in his eyes that worried Mikasa. It was as if something struck him, like a horrible memory.

Were there things he had done that she had been unaware of? Things to get her to return his feelings?

…

Armin bit his lip. "I…—"

How far would you go for someone you love?

It was a simple question, that required nothing more than a simple answer. "Very far" would be most people's answer, it was an answer Mikasa anticipated from Armin too, because she knew how dedicated and loving he was as a person; because she now knew the romantic feelings he had for her. Feelings that she had been unaware of for far too long.

But to Armin, for her to spring such a question onto him—a question that evoked one too many buried, painfully bittersweet memories back to the surface, it was anything but simple.

Maybe if there weren't so many things going on and around him, he might have been able to muster a smile; might have been able to suppress all those memories before answering her with a plain, "I'd go very far. I love them after all." He would be able to swallow all his past angst, and not recall the silly things he did just for a single girl's attention.

Although young, he already knew that there was something more than platonic feelings wandering in Mikasa's heart for Eren. And while jealous and envious, he had always been a passive boy who didn't dare make a move, because he didn't want to ruin the precious friendship that all of three of them shared. And because he was aware of her feelings, he didn't want to place her in an uncomfortable position where she had to directly tell him that: No. I do not feel the same for you.

Because that was what and all she felt for him, right?

While he didn't make a direct move on her—like how Jean so courageously confessed; something Armin was still so surprised by and envious of—there were still… some silly, silly things he did to try to make himself have a chance a few years back.

It was a complicated thing. A hypocritical and contradictory thing. Because while he told himself he stood no chance since he knew how dedicated Mikasa could be when her feelings were set (he had seen it with his very own eyes), there was always something deep inside him, lurking about that pushed him to do something. To try. Was it hope?; A glint of hope he had at the microscopic probability that his feelings could've been requited?

He was thirteen at that time, when he dared chase after that glint of hope once he more or less came to a consensus of his feelings for her.

How far would he go for her?

He would change everything about himself; the entirety of what made Armin Arlert, Armin Arlert. It was ridiculous, but at that time he didn't know any better.

It all started during break time, in middle school.

He didn't know how or why, or maybe it was just something middle schoolers were obsessed with. But, Sasha and Connie were chit-chatting, perhaps a little too enthusiastically, about eye colours. Albeit admittedly, Sasha was obsessing over them a little more than Connie who was briefly confused about the difference between the iris and pupil when somebody had brought it up. It was a comical sight, at first.

One thing happened after the other, and they hopped off and on to Eren's table that was just so conveniently next to where Mikasa sat.

"And Eren's eyes!" Sasha exclaimed with hyper excitement, it almost seemed like she garnered more of an interest in eye colours as opposed to her beloved, scrumptious delicacies known as food. Almost. "They're green! But eh…" She leaned forward towards Eren, barely allowing any space for him to breathe. "Forest green or… grass green?"

"Ehh?" Connie frowned, arms crossed. "What's the difference?"

Sasha snapped her head instantly towards Connie's direction, scaring him with her eyes that stared right at him like she was trying to burn a hole through his chest. As she wore an expression as if someone had offended her, she began her rant, "What's the difference?! Everything's diff—"

"Get out of my face." Eren groaned with growing discomfort as he pushed Sasha face away from his. "Your breath smells like rotten chicken and potatoes." He commented, a perturbed look of disgust surfacing onto his expression as Mikasa and Armin, who sat at the back of Eren, stifled a chuckle.

"EHHH? I brushed my teeth! How can it… AH! Whatever!" She huffed. "You're the only guy in our class that has green eyes! I just want to take a closer look!"

"Go look it up on the net. It's not like I'm the only one in this entire universe with green eyes." Eren responded back, unimpressed and still clearly affected by Sasha's foul breath, for his revolted look didn't evaporate off his face, his hand reaching out to pinch his nose to save himself from inhaling anymore of her toxic fumes.

"You're no fun." Sasha stuck out her tongue childishly while Connie nodded in agreement. The ponytailed girl's attention that went over to his desk mate. "What do you think of Eren's eyes, Mikasa? Forest green or grass green?" She queried, not bothering to ask her bald friend considering he couldn't even differentiate the greens; much to her utter horror and disbelief.

"E-Eh?" Mikasa stuttered having been caught off guard by her question. She turned towards Eren, who was then facing her. "Please don't tell me you're obsessed about this too, Mikasa." He grimaced.

"I mean…" Unknown to her, she started to trail off as her own pair of inky eyes found themselves immersed in Eren's. It wasn't anything new; she had been hypnotised by them before, and she will be again if she stared at them for too long especially at this time of day, where the sun brightly shone with its rays that shot right through the windows, highlighting and enlivening the green in his hues. "Emerald… green…" She sub-consciously leaned closer towards him. And for one reason or another, he didn't voice any complaints. He was far from disgusted, if anything it had faded to pure surprise when she shifted closer. He felt heat rushing to his cheeks and ears, and it wasn't the fault of the sun. "They are emerald green…" She said as if she was in a day-dream.

Armin watched quietly, observed the way she looked at his eyes. She looked engrossed, practically riveting and dancing in his eyes with genuine delight and curiosity. She…

Was it because he wore a pair of rectangular glasses, that shooed such a look away from him? Or was it because they weren't green? She never looked at him like how she did with Eren. Call it jealously, call it overthinking. But Armin couldn't help it. He was young, naïve and while he was regarded intelligent and the smartest in the class… he could be foolish too. When it came to her, he could be foolish; he lost all sense of common sense.

What made him so different from Eren, that she fell for? It was a question that even till now, he couldn't ans—

No, he could.

It was that day. That rainy day.

Everything had its timing and place, and he just so happened to have missed it.

"Ehhh?" Sasha smirked smugly. He wasn't the only one that noticed. Sasha had too. "Do you find his eyes… beautiful? Is that why you're moving so close to him? Or is it something else, huh?" She teased, and both Mikasa and Eren flushed instantly; although one more than the other.

"I-I-I…!" Mikasa stammered as she retreated back into her bubble, legs put together, her hands laced with one another while she faced front and away from him upon being caught red handed. And then there was Eren, who averted his gaze away sheepishly because she was not the only one mesmerised.

"Welllll?" Sasha dragged out, before dragging a chair of her own next to Mikasa, one arm resting on the raven's shoulder as she continued smugly, "So… you like looking at eye colours too, huh?" She started, before adding on, "…Emerald green is your favourite colour, huh?"

"S-Sasha!" Mikasa wanted to sound mad, but all that spilled out from her lips were shaky and nervous words that stumbled one after another. Then, Eren intervened.

"Stop obsessing over this already!" Unlike Mikasa, he was able to recover quickly. "Meanwhile your eye colour resembles a literal brown, rotten potato."

"EHHHHHH?" Sasha gasped, "POTATO?!"

"That's the word you're offended by?" Connie snorted.

As the chaos erupted, Armin found himself wondering and thinking. And then, an idea trespassed into his mind as he recalled seeing a cheap solution the other day.

So one day, unknown to Mikasa, he went out and bought cheap coloured contacts. He walked right up to his bathroom, faced the mirror to see a dissatisfied young boy who wore nothing but a determined look before unpacking the box of green, coloured contacts.

Thinking back, Armin found it so, utterly stupid. It was one of the stupidest things he had done in his life. No one just impulsively buys coloured contacts because they want to change themselves for a silly reason, right? However back then, this crazy impulsion sprouted in his heart, an impulsion that he gave into perhaps because he knew he could at least change his physical appearance. He could never change his personality to be anything near Eren's. It just wasn't his nature, to get into reckless fights and be… Eren. That much of a change would be too difficult for someone like him.

Don't get him wrong, he didn't want to be a complete Eren duplicate. He didn't like to spite people to solve things (for the most part at that time) with brute and fists. Again, he couldn't even if he tried. What he did want rather, was to see if Mikasa would look at him the same way if his eyes were green.

It was a foolish thought; and he didn't realise it at that desperate time.

Mikasa didn't fall for Eren just because of the colour of his eyes. She didn't gaze at them so lovingly because she only loved the colour. It was so much more, but Armin couldn't recognize it at that time.

Despite the outer contents of the contact lenses box, it didn't deliver. As opposed to the promise emerald green, he got what Sasha could only describe as "Grass green."

He looked at himself in the mirror, to see a pathetic, trying boy. Unlike most of his decisions, he didn't exactly think ahead of this one. He didn't know how he was going to explain this change to Mikasa. It wasn't as if he ever wore contacts before, if anything it was his first time. And hell, were they beginning to itch.

It seemed like whenever it came to Mikasa, he couldn't think so clearly and logically. Sasha would probably call that, "Blinded by love". She had been obsessing over a movie named that not too long ago too.

"This is… painful." He grumbled as he started to scratch the area around his eyes. "Is it supposed to feel this way…? I—"

The sound of the ringing doorbell had interrupted his monologue, and a promise that had been forgotten surfaced itself back up as he recalled Mikasa had promised him that she would visit that day. He stared at himself wide-eyed in the mirror, nervous and contemplative. He could and probably should remove the grass-coloured lenses before inviting Mikasa in. And then he could carry on with his plain mundane life, pretending that whatever this was never happened. She would never be aware of this silly and humiliating act of his.

The doorbell rang again and before Armin knew it, a minute had been wasted in this internal debate. "C-Coming!" And he didn't want to keep her waiting, so he spun around, unaware of the red that invaded and intruded into the grass green as the itch intensified, something that he was trying to ignore and brush off.

He opened the door unhesitatingly, mind blank with no explanations planned to give Mikasa should she ask about his sudden makeover transformation.

"Were you sleeping?" The raven asked as she took a step in, and halted mid-way when the obvious change of Armin's orbs caught her attention. "Are you…" She made her way up towards him, eyes full of scrutiny and confusion. "…wearing coloured contacts? What happened to your glasses?"

"I…uh… just wanted to try something new." He forced a laugh before swiftly moving away from her to close the door. "My glasses are… fine." He assured quietly as he locked his door. And while his back was facing Mikasa, an uncomfortable feeling started to accumulate within him as if Mikasa's eyes were piercing right through him. Did Mikasa know? How did she know? He was panicking, and spun around to only confirm his theory when she had a look that was nothing short of suspicion.

"You didn't tell me about it beforehand…" Mikasa pointed out.

He had always told her about the things he was curious to try and experience before ever actually going for it. So, for him to be able to contain his urge to announce his newfound curiosity to his friends garnered a little suspicion from Mikasa. It was odd. "…I think you should take them off."

She noticed. She didn't just notice the change of the colour of his eyes. She noticed fragments of everything that had led up to this catastrophe. Aside from the green, she saw a tinge of red that didn't seem like it belonged to the contact lenses, she saw how his hands were fidgety, as if resisting the urge to either scratch his eyes or rip off the contacts that were evidently irritating him.

And Armin stood there, disappointed. Not with her reaction, but with himself. It was an idiotic thing to do, to think doing something like this could easily change Mikasa's perception of him… and the way she would look at him. He didn't get what he wanted. In the end, he was only met with a pair of concerned and worried grey orbs that didn't see any beauty in his false set of eyes.

Is it because of the colour? Because she knows I'm uncomfortable? He hated it. Why do my eyes have to be so… picky? It's just lenses… so why is it itching…? His hands couldn't resist it no longer as the itch and pain intensified. He reached out to claw at his eyes again that soon began to tear; although he didn't know for what reason. All I wanted was for her to…

"Armin!" Mikasa panicked, grabbed his hands forcefully, prying them away from his infected eyes when she noticed the tears that started to course down his cheeks. And before he knew it, she was dragging him to the bathroom to remove the irritating lenses.

He received a lecture, of course. Once he took them off –after struggling a little—Mikasa snatched them and threw them in the bin. He could tell she was frustrated at him; because doing something like this wasn't in his nature. Maybe he had known the risks of trying those coloured contacts when he already had poor eyesight, but he was blinded by impulsion and a deep-rooted envy that it had clouded his judgement. But, Mikasa need not know that.

"I'm sorry—"

"Can you see?" Even if she was angry at his decision, she was more anxious over his wellbeing than anything. Putting on his glasses for him, she held up two fingers and waved them in front of him. "How many numbers?"

"Two…?" He murmured, failing to mask the uncertainty in his tone. "I'm… fine. And I'm sor—"

"Your eyes are still red. A little. Maybe we should take you to the doctor… I heard you can have allergies with these or something…" She paced around, and despite Armin's brief protests and assurances that were fast to be silenced by a single glare from her, she called Carla for help.

"Why'd you do that?" was the first thing Mikasa asked when everything was settled. Any remains of the paranoia Mikasa had about the possibility of him going blind had been diminished after the Doctor's visit. "It's not like you ever thought about wearing them before… much less coloured ones. You told me before you rather buy books than…"

"I don't know." He couldn't tell her. He just couldn't. What'd she think of him? 'I decided to do it because I wanted you to look at me like how you look at Eren so I bought this on impulsion.'—She would think he was weird. Pathetic. Desperate. Strange.

…Right?

"I don't know." His voice was breaking, and it made Mikasa even more concerned about the reason behind it.

And to Armin's surprise instead of receiving another series of Mikasa's infamous long lecture and even longer winded nagging, he was soothed and washed over with a warm embrace.

…

"So... You're content with hiding your feelings forever and ever?" Annie had asked not too long ago, purposefully dragging the last three words as if to provoke him. But to no avail, her provoke did little to nothing to inspire and push to blonde to do something. All it did was provoke the same old thoughts circulating in his head that he once again found himself sinking into; thinking all too much. She continued when she didn't receive a reply, an attempt to push for an answer,"…and ever, and ever—"

"I get it." Armin groaned, wincing at each and every one of her words; which undoubtedly felt like a punch to the gut.

A part of him regretted offering to walk her back; it wasn't as if Annie was incapable of protecting herself. If someone had placed both blondes in a boxing ring, one of them would probably piss their pants should the other not hold back.

"I'll just…" He took a moment to think, "…I'll just see." As if he wasn't already doing that, all his life. As if that would make any difference.

What do you really want, Armin? A voice dared echo in his head.

"Hmm…" If Annie had heard this response before exposing his feelings to Mikasa, she'd probably hurl a series of sarcastic remarks and jabs at him. The thought of informing him of what she had done behind his back did skip across her mind, but she figured—even though Armin wasn't necessarily the direct, confrontational and aggressive type—he would probably murder her right then and there if he were to find out about the things she had relayed Mikasa. Probably.

While Annie's feelings towards Mikasa wasn't the most amicable, she could at least acknowledge she wasn't a shallow and heartless person. She doubted that their friendship would destruct into shambles all because of a confession, or a possible future rejection. And she was sure some part of Armin knew that; albeit his paranoia had most likely told him otherwise.

"You just need a push, that's all." Was the only hint, albeit vague, she would offer him. She had definitely pushed some boundaries and crossed some lines, alright. Well, it's for his own good. Annie convinced herself. Probably.

Her intention of telling Mikasa wasn't all wicked. Even if the reason behind her and Armin's split somewhat involved her. There were times, although not anymore, did she wonder how things would've ended up with Armin if Mikasa was never in the picture, if she had never entered Armin's life.

She didn't exactly wish for it, it was just a curious thought that crossed her mind; left wandering and unanswered. It didn't matter now, anyway.

How she maintained a friendly relationship with Armin bewildered her close friends who knew the story of their separation. But perhaps it was because Armin was just such a good-natured person, who never meant to harm or hurt her, that made her unable to fully despise him for dating her when he failed so miserably at abandoning unresolved emotions for another. Because throughout both their platonic and romantic relationship, he had been there for her in ways that the world will never know.

It's just, at a point, his heart was no longer there romantically.

He loved her, but in a different way now. And after dealing with the aftermath, so did Annie.

"A push?" Armin sighed. "You're… probably right, but I can't even push myself to…" If only he knew what was coming.

"Just don't leave things unresolved. You either abandon them completely, or you confront them. There's no in between. At least, that's what I think." Annie shrugged.

Her intention of telling Mikasa was simple; because if he continued to keep things unresolved, quiet and stowed away (maybe even take it to the grave), he was going to regret and (having known and dated Armin), he was probably going to reflect on why he did nothing, curl up in a corner, regret even more when it was all too late. And while she didn't exactly like intruding into other people's business, she didn't want all of that for a friend or a good person like him either.

Well, that and she was sick of the undeserved glares Mikasa had given her back then.

"Abandon?" He had already long failed at that. "Isn't that like running away from your problems…?" Eren didn't like running away, and Armin didn't enjoy that concept all too much either. Yet ironically enough, similar to running away, he had been avoiding and hiding.

"Better than breaking hearts." Her nonchalant tone, followed by an accusing gaze at Armin was what stung him the most and it was clear to Annie he regretted walking her back. However for some sadistic reason, she found some amusement in it. The sight was a little humorous, but she decided to spare him anymore of her bluntness.

She had already done enough. She had already given him a push.

And now, Armin made his way down the hallway towards the area where he was to meet Eren, and talk.

I need a push, huh? He ran his hand through his hair before a heavy sigh tiredly left his lips. But is it too late already? Mikasa and Eren are… getting closer, no doubt… and I already have a feeling what he might…

He felt his heart sink, weighing down like a dumbbell; or maybe like an anchor. Because he had all this time to set sail when their feelings were still developing, and all he did was stand there, staying still as the ship moved on its own towards the iceberg to meet its impending doom. He just watched and let it happen because he was afraid. Because he already knew his feelings could never be reciprocated by her because he knew ever since that day Eren chased after her in the rain, after he had wrapped that scarf around her, he stood no chance.

Or maybe, that was just what he thought. Not what he knew.

One would never know until they went for it, and Armin never actually did. He did try. He tried to change himself. He was always by her side. But he never went for it, he never confessed nor did anything obvious that'd give her hints that he did, in fact, wanted to be more than friends.

He almost went for it. Almost. But when he received a text from Mikasa that night which told him that her feelings for Eren were at its peak, and it seemed like her impending confession to him was unavoidable, he…

And most of all, in the spur of the moment he agreed to be her wing man. He succumbed to that role, believing he was going to be confined to that forever until Jean—until he told him that he seemed more suitable for Mikasa; and that she deserved him more than "that reckless bastard".

However, at the end of the day, it wasn't for the men to decide who suited her best.

And now, he was going to intrude, confess, and throw Mikasa into another mess of emotions because of his selfishness? Even after he offered to help her love for Eren because he believed he'd be contented with seeing her happy?

He forgotten about his own happiness in that moment, what he wanted too. Turns out, he couldn't be contented with that 'happily ever after'. Not when his feelings were left unresolved. He was a curious person by nature, it was doltish of him to think he could even carry on leaving his feelings unanswered, and only leaving it with a fat question mark.

He was starting to think that a rejection would be better than suffering in this self-inflicted predicament he found himself in. Although admittedly, he wasn't sure how his heart would really react to her rejection.

Sure, it wasn't the end of the world and the end of the road to Armin's romantic life if Mikasa and Eren became a couple. But it was awful, to live a life full of regrets regardless of how trivial it was. It was a terrible feeling, to reflect back to the many moments of life and to only think: What if—

He looked up, and saw Eren waiting for him ahead.

Is it too late?

Would it be too selfish?

I just want her… I just want both of them happy—that much was true.

But what about you? A voice chimed in his head. Everyone wants happiness don't they? Or at least, an answer. You never liked living in ignorance.

"Armin!" Eren called, noticing the blonde, giving him a wave. "Took you long enough, gee…"

He watched the brunette approach him, his emerald green hues that he once desired so badly for a silly reason, he watched them look away shyly, as if what he was going to say—or what he wanted to say to him, was… flustering; out of his usual reckless, loud and some may consider unromantic character.

Everything was finally coming together for Eren and Mikasa.

What do you want to do now, then? The voice asked.

.

.

.

How far would you go for someone you love?

Author's Note:

NEXT UPDATE: unknown; will be on HIATUS. (explained why below.)

Firstly, I want to apologise for the long wait; I'm sorry! And thank you for your patience to those who are still reading haha.

Secondly, I will be putting this fanfiction as well as my other ongoing fanfictions on hiatus. Life's been getting a little more tough and stuff for me, leading to a drain for my interest in writing fanfictions I guess. Like, I still like writing in general, and I really do want to continue this and not put it on hiatus, but with the increasing dissatisfaction and decreasing passion (?) I have for my writing in general as well as some stuff in my personal life, I decided to go on a break. I try to update once a month, but I don't know if I can for the next month or the month after. Hopefully, my fanfictions will resume some time in November this year. I don't really want to leave them incomplete. I also don't want to put out lower quality writing and half-assed stuff so yeah.

Hopefully, if anyone's still reading this (lol), I hope you understand!

If you want to keep updated, I have two tumblr accounts: 'rosaline-kei' (more for fanfictions and doodles) and a new one called 'snkwritings' (where I post fake social media stuff between SnK characters!)*

*I know what you might thinking: It's hypocritical. However, unlike fanfictions where I have to write a lot of words as well as make sure that the plot does not have so many holes in it and makes sense and make sure characters aren't way OOC, creating fake tweets and such that won't have so much of a plotline as well as the fact I can exaggerate characters slightly is easier and not that tiresome? In a way I guess; I don't know.

I hope you all understand, and I hope this chapter wasn't so cringey LOL. I feel like this fanfic is generally quite messy; but hey, we live and we learn. And next time if I ever plan to write a love triangle again, at least I will (hopefully) not repeat the same mistakes as this one. Also fun fact: This chapter was inspired by the anime 'Wotakoi Love Is Hard For An Otaku' in that one scene where Hirotaka tried to change his physical appearance due to his jealousy when he saw the girl he loved dating someone else if I'm not wrong ((the only difference is that in his case, it was getting his ears pierced by himself. It was honestly quite emotional unlike THIS FANF-)

Thank you for your patience and understanding.

Please leave a review! Constructive Criticism is welcomed.